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Jack Thompson Buys Stock in GTA Parent Company

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the non-stop-entertainment dept.

omega9 writes "You're not reading it wrong. From an artice posted as Joystiq, "Jack Thompson has purchased shares in Take-Two interactive - otherwise known as the publisher behind the Grand Theft Auto series of games. So has JT suddenly become a financial supporter of the company he's long campaigned against? Not a chance. JT has purchased stock in the company in order that he might attend Take-Two's shareholder meetings and face up to the company's CEO, Paul Eibeler.""

37 of 354 comments (clear)

  1. What a show. by TripMaster+Monkey · · Score: 5, Funny



    Heck, I'm now considering buying stock in Take-Two, just so I can witness what promises to be the most side-splitting board meetings ever held.

    In fact, I smell a new reality TV show...get cameras in there to record all the hilarious action.

    We can have viewer participation too, go to the website and enter in the poll....how long will Jack last before Paul gets fed up with his inane babbling and calls the police to have him ejected? How many times will the police have to hit him to subdue him before they drag him out? (We'll have a ringer cop in there, so there will always be at least one punch.)

    Imagine a few cops stiff-arming Jack Thompson's face into the drywall....now that's must-see TV! ^_^

    --
    ____

    ~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey

    1. Re:What a show. by 91degrees · · Score: 5, Funny

      Can I buy stock in your TV production company?

    2. Re:What a show. by Ced_Ex · · Score: 4, Funny

      Can I buy stock in your holding company?

      --
      Live forever, or die trying.
    3. Re:What a show. by ndansmith · · Score: 5, Funny
      Imagine a few cops stiff-arming Jack Thompson's face into the drywall . . .

      . . . and then Jack killing the cops, blowing up some fire trucks, trickin' out his ride, smacking the hoes, and stealing a tank to wreak havoc over some generic metropolitan city until he is incinerated by a squadron of army helicopters. Now that's must-see TV!

    4. Re:What a show. by C0rinthian · · Score: 5, Funny

      "All right Jack, that it!" :puts 3rd star up on board: "Now we're going to have to call security!"

    5. Re:What a show. by Drooling+Iguana · · Score: 2, Funny

      Just as long as there's no stiffly pantomined sex involved.

      --
      ... I'm addicted to placebos
    6. Re:What a show. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      by a squadron of army helicopters,

      but not before taking a break at his girlfriend's house for some Hot Cof... *assassinated*

    7. Re:What a show. by AKAImBatman · · Score: 4, Funny

      Board Member 1: "I motion that we evict Mr. Thompson from all future board meetings."

      Board Member 2: "Seconded!"

      President: "All those in favor of evicting Mr. Thompson from..."

      Interrupting all at once: "AYE!!!!"

      President: "Do I hear any Nays?"

      Thompson: "Um? Nay?"

      President: "The Ayes have it. From this date forward, Mr. Thompson will no longer be allowed to board meetings until such a time as a motion is made and carried to allow him to rejoin these meetings. Considering that the only way I can forsee that happening is if Mr. Thompson owns a controlling share, we can assume for the moment that his banishment is permanant."

      Thompson: "But..."

      President "Meeting Ajourned."

      --
      Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
    8. Re:What a show. by Surt · · Score: 4, Funny

      Can I buy stock in your cookie factory?

      --
      "Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
    9. Re:What a show. by Oldsmobile · · Score: 2, Funny

      Just like rain, on your wedding day? Or maybe a free ride, when you've already paid?

      --
      Some say he is made with ascii, others that he is eyeballed daily by millions. All we know is, he is known as the Sig
    10. Re:What a show. by Lord_Dweomer · · Score: 5, Funny
      If I buy stock in your quantum puzzle game, will I be able to buy and sell my shares at the same time?

      --
      Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
    11. Re:What a show. by HTH+NE1 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Wonder if he used the 10k he was supposed to donate.

      Or if he'll donate the profits earned from his shares to The Society for the Promotion of the Satirical Arts.

      --
      Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
    12. Re:What a show. by booch · · Score: 4, Funny

      Can I buy stock in your "Happy Fun Ball" company (Wacky Products Incorporated)?

      --
      Software sucks. Open Source sucks less.
    13. Re:What a show. by SpecBear · · Score: 2, Funny

      Oh yes, this will be entertaining.

      Jack Thompson gets the floor. Paul Eibeler listens to his complaints, and offers him a signed document indicating that Take Two will no longer sell violent games as long as Thompson agrees to shut up and leave the shareholder meeting immediately.

      Once Thompson's outside, Eibeler jumps him, beats him to death, takes the contract back, and speeds off to the nearest Pay 'N Spray.

    14. Re:What a show. by Repton · · Score: 5, Funny

      No --- it just means that you can never simultaneously know what the share price is and how many shares you have...

      --
      Repton.
      They say that only an experienced wizard can do the tengu shuffle.
    15. Re:What a show. by Zenmonkeycat · · Score: 3, Funny
      No, there's a good chance that he'll speak whenever he feels like it. I can just imagine the scene now...

      "Alright, so we've just gotten our--"
      "Murderers! You all murder cops and children!"
      "Okay, anyway--"
      "I'll kill all of you! I'll kill all of you and your families! You train killers to murder victims!"
       "As I was saying--"
      "I will kill all of you just to prove videogames cause violence!"
       "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you--"
      "CENTIPEDE TRAINED MY CHILD TO KILL THE POPE! PONG KILLED KITTENS! MURDER! AYAHHAHYAHHHH!"

      And that's when the security guards pull out the tranquilizer guns.

      --

      *****
      Dear Mary,
      I yearn for you tragically,
      A.T. Tappman, Chaplain, U.S. Army.

  2. OK by Amouth · · Score: 1, Funny

    the funny thing was when i first clicked on the read more link i got the "Nothing for you to see here please move along" page from slashdot..

    almost as if we where not alowed to discuse it..

    i guess the server knew a flame war was coming..

    so Let it start

    --
    '...if only "Jumping to a Conclusion" was an event in the Olympics.'
  3. sweet by iamdaflash · · Score: 5, Funny

    he could present some cool game ideas!

  4. Talk about an ugly realization by Brento · · Score: 3, Funny

    I'd hate to be the guy who realizes he sold his Take Two stock to Jack Thompson.

    --
    What's your damage, Heather?
  5. Comment on the articles site by chkMINUS · · Score: 2, Funny

    I enjoyed this comment that someone left in regards to the article... "Okay, the whole violence in video games thing I can understand from Jack Thompson, but Flight Simulator as training for terrorists? He might as well attack Pac Man for being a training simulator for devouring small objects, harmful to children under 3." Posted by Zero_

  6. Why doesn't he.. by swab79 · · Score: 1, Funny

    ..just gun down all the share holders... that's what I'd do.

  7. Best plan ever! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    By purchasing stock AND trying to sue the company, he garutees that no matter the outcome, HE WINS!!

  8. Re:Bad dog by dr_dank · · Score: 5, Funny

    Thompson wouldn't know up from down, left from right, A from B, B from A, Select from Start.

    Don't give an ass like him infinite lives!

    --
    Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
  9. GTA has a parent company?! by noamt · · Score: 2, Funny

    Isn't it against their interests?

  10. Re:to make this complete by jferris · · Score: 2, Funny

    You mispelled Steve Ballmer...

    --
    You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
  11. Childish pun by bobocopy · · Score: 2, Funny

    I hear he does mostly pro-boner work.

    --
    Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. --Woody Allen
  12. Take2 should pay dividends.. by demonic-halo · · Score: 4, Funny

    That'll be funny if Take2 declared quarterly dividends.

    So each time Jack has a case against some other game company. They can say that Jack is being paid by Take2.

  13. Re:What a dick by breckinshire · · Score: 5, Funny

    In related news, Emperor Palpatine bought some shares of LucasArts, as they actually let you simulate attacking the Death Star.

  14. Anything I can buy to help? by failedlogic · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'd like to contribute money to the cause. Lawyers are the major problem of Western society, not video games.

    So.... where can I send in money to stop nut-job lawyers from getting a law degree then accumulating wealth, power and media attention?

  15. I have a new word for people like JT. by Pantero+Blanco · · Score: 4, Funny

    The word is "litigiterrorists".

  16. What Jack Thompson wants... by technoextreme · · Score: 2, Funny

    http://www.gamespot.com/gba/puzzle/thebiblegame/in dex.html?q=bible%20game
    Then again knowing the Bible it might even be unacceptable for him.

    --
    Ooo man the floppy drive is broken. No wait. The computer is just upside down.
  17. Re:Does this guy have all day to stalk people? by Schemat1c · · Score: 4, Funny

    I thought this guy was supposed to be a practicing attorney. Does he ever do any real work?

    Of course not, he's an attorney.

    --

    "Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better." - Unknown
  18. the formula by mrcdeckard · · Score: 2, Funny

    1. rant against co. creating huge media blitz
    2. invest in said company
    3. ???
    4. PROFIT!!

    --
    "Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it." - R. Feynman
  19. Attention Whore by TubeSteak · · Score: 3, Funny
    We need a picture (a la Fark) of Jack Thompson with the caption
    "I'm An Attention Whore! Look At Meeeeee!!!"
    --
    [Fuck Beta]
    o0t!
    1. Re:Attention Whore by mkw87 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Is this what you wanted?

      --
      Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling a pig in mud. Soon, you realize the pig is dirty, and he likes it.
    2. Re:Attention Whore by TubeSteak · · Score: 2, Funny

      hahahahahaha

      He's not doing a handstand while wearing a bikini, but that'll do.

      --
      [Fuck Beta]
      o0t!
    3. Re:Attention Whore by MasamuneXGP · · Score: 5, Funny

      Ask, and you shall receive.
      http://img479.imageshack.us/my.php?image=attention whore27tz.gif