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Microsoft To Construct iPod/DS/PSP Killer

Karsten writes "According to The Mercury News Microsoft is developing a PSP/DS/GBA/iPod-killer. J. Allard is leading the project." J. Allard is the man behind the Xbox, and from looking at the article it sounds like it's at least a year before this device, if it hits daylight, would be coming.

26 of 318 comments (clear)

  1. killers by gEvil+(beta) · · Score: 5, Funny

    Dammit, can't they make a Windows killer?

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    This guy's the limit!
    1. Re:killers by fatduck · · Score: 2, Funny

      They are; it's called Vista.

      --
      Making you think you're crazy is a billion dollar industry.
    2. Re:killers by mlk · · Score: 3, Funny

      A brick kills most windows

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      Wow, I should not post when knackered.
    3. Re:killers by minginqunt · · Score: 2, Funny

      He's done it before, and he'll do it again.

      Steve Ballmer's going to fucking kill Goog^H^H^H^HiPod^H^H^H^HPSP^H^H^HDS^H^HTHE WHOLE WORLD!!!

    4. Re:killers by gEvil+(beta) · · Score: 5, Funny

      Why can't they just make something that goes around hugging everything ..

      They did. His name was Clippy.

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      This guy's the limit!
    5. Re:killers by Directrix1 · · Score: 2, Funny

      And Windows gives birth to most bricks. Think about it.

      --
      Occam's razor is the blind faith in the natural selection of least resistance and in universal oversimplification. -- EF
    6. Re:killers by shotfeel · · Score: 4, Funny

      Dammit, can't they make a Windows killer?

      No need to. On some of my systems, Windows is quite adept at dying all on its own.

  2. killer... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hold your breath while waiting, and it will be a people killer too!

  3. Obligatory by gentimjs · · Score: 4, Funny

    Not to troll but .. I'm sorry, its from Microsoft .. its surely going to have an Intel chip (Mobile EXTREEEEEEEEME Hunger Eddition) and run WindowsCE(meNT) loaded with more DRM than you thought possible from a mobile .. the only thing this is going to "kill" is batteries ...

  4. Home Depot already have one by Timo_UK · · Score: 5, Funny

    in the tools section. It's called sledgehammer and is guaranteed to kill all of those devices in one shot.

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    Timo's Audio Software http://www.esseraudio.com
  5. Don't think I want... by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 3, Funny

    I don't think I want an X-shaped console with a glowing green screen. I got enough objects in my pants that glow green in the dark.

  6. e-sassination device by fatduck · · Score: 2, Funny

    If you'd bother to RTFA you'd know that the device in question is in fact a full-spectrum multi-wavelength high-energy data scrambler that will actually melt the circuits of any iPod/DS/GBA/PSP or Pacemaker within 100 meters. Can't wait to hear about the military applications.

    --
    Making you think you're crazy is a billion dollar industry.
  7. Happy by 3CRanch · · Score: 1, Funny

    This should be a happy occasion!

    Think about it...just another platform to port Linux to ;)

  8. Re:hmm... no by cowscows · · Score: 4, Funny

    Pfft, Quiet you naysayer! I don't think they're being ambitious enough! This is Microsoft we're talking about! The greatest of all great companies in the greatest of all great nations! Not only will this device accomplish all that has been listed, but following in the usual Microsoft tradition, incredible new features will likely be added between now and the eventual, ontime release of this device. Don't be surprised if this device solves our fossil fuel dependence problems. It may very well cure AIDS. And then we can give copies of the device to everyone in the middle east, so they'll stop being angry towards the USA.

    Come on, we're not talking about a tiny hardware company like Apple, or a rowdy upstart like Google. We're talking about Microsoft, a hard working bunch of people who have, through sheer innovation and stringent quality standards, created the technological paradise which most of us live in every day. Show a little respect to the company that gave us marvels such as text editors, web browsers, and beautiful graphical interfaces.

    If the Xbox has taught us anything, it's that Microsoft's hardware will be at least as slick as their software, and all of their products share an impressive efficiency in terms of resource usage. The future truly is now, and you're lucky to be alive during these exciting times.

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    One time I threw a brick at a duck.

  9. Re:The killers.. by MustardMan · · Score: 2, Funny

    The killers? hmm...

    Somebody told me, that you had a handheld, that looked like a Newton, that I had in february of last year...

    I'm sorry, it's early and wouldn't leave my head. Will it be stoning, or am I to be drawn and quartered?

  10. Early Ad Sneak Preview by Mignon · · Score: 4, Funny
    Great timing. I found this on Google last night:

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3609953966 5548298

  11. Why not just go the whole nine yards? by tukkayoot · · Score: 2, Funny
    Microsoft should just go the whole nine and make it a cell phone killer as well. Also, include some scanners in the hardware so it can function as a preemptive tricorder killer.

    Also, they should be sure to implement a fold-out cutting blade, screwdriver, corkscrew, can opener, toothpick and nail file so it can kill swiss army knives as well.

    This is the product the global marketplace has been waiting for.

  12. Another one for the Ipod Killer Museum ... by amelith · · Score: 2, Funny

    Exhibit no 2213 is housed in the west wing of the museum. This is a late (very late) 2007 Ipod Killer made by a now defunct company from Redmond that some people on the tour may remember. Like many of our other 3000 exhibits it suffered from being late to market, overhyped and having a battery life of approximately 27 seconds. The user interface also attracted severe criticism, based as it was on their then popular desktop operating system, that I believe was called "Panes XP" or something.

    Move along please, there's always plenty to see in the Ipod Killer Museum. New Exhibits are arriving all the time!

  13. Don't tell me... by oahazmatt · · Score: 3, Funny

    ...Microsoft bought the rights to Gizmondo, didn't they?

    --
    Those who believe the Internet is private,
    find their privates are on the Internet.
  14. Re:Might not be 'killers'... by baker_tony · · Score: 2, Funny

    You were brought up on a farm, weren't you?! :-)

  15. Re:Replace 'Killer' with 'Competitor' please by Bloke+down+the+pub · · Score: 3, Funny
    We don't need or want new products to kill anything.
    Speak for yourself. My bloody roses are covered with aphids.
    --
    It's true I tell you, feller at work's next door neighbour read it in the paper.
  16. Re:Microsofts Linux/OSX/BSD/AIX killer by Pichu0102 · · Score: 1, Funny

    You forgot Microsoft's new product: The Chair Killer.

  17. Yanno by Odin_Tiger · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yanno what? From now on, let's just keep a handy supply of large trout on hand, and use them to beat anyone who uses the phrase 'iPod killer' to death.

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    Unpleasantries.
  18. Microsoft killed SPAM by guitaristx · · Score: 2, Funny

    This new thingy is going to kill the iPod just like Microsoft killed SPAM - they're going to redefine 'kill'. I suppose they'll put an EKG on an iPod and declare it dead.

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    I pity the foo that isn't metasyntactic
  19. iPod/DS/PSP Killer? by Khyber · · Score: 2, Funny

    Oh, shit, Miscrosoft is releasing Windows for these platforms, aren't they?

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    Still waiting on Serviscope_minor to wake up to fucking reality and realize that Jessica Price isn't going to fuck him.
  20. Re:hmm... no by SnarfQuest · · Score: 2, Funny

    Don't worry about the battery life. It comes with it's own transformer, but you have to be carful not to put it on carpet because that will block the fan ports.

    --
    Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.