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Ballmer Babies Banned From iPods and Google
Valah writes "In a recent Fortune interview with Steve Ballmer, the newer kinder Microsoft CEO is not only ready to take on the videogaming, search, music download and mobile markets - but he's also laying down the law in his own house. Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod."
Considering Google's willingness to appease the biggest government censor (China), I don't doubt that Google will also censor itself in Ballmer's home, if IPs were given out. And another th--
WAIT... Steve Ballmer has human children?!?
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
Does he throw chairs at his kids as well?
Another generation of the wealthy and clueless.
No Google, indeed... Similarly, I do not allow my children to use 'legs'.
It was a joke! When you give me that look it was a joke.
But... Dad!! All the other kids are doing it!!
gigantino.tv - Heavy but weighs nothing.
This must be some new definition of "about to" with which I have not been familiar....
/. If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.
Whoa, study? It's Steve Ballmer we're talking about, if he as much as SEEs his kids anywhere near iPods or within 20m of a computer displaying a Google page it'll be Chair Throwing time, he'll Fucking Bury(TM) them. He's done it before and he'll do it again. He's going to Fucking Kill(TM) his children.
"The way we can tell it's C# instead of Haskell is because it's nine lines instead of two." -- wadler
I think this is great. Knowing how kids typically react to this kind of thing fom parents, we can be virtually assured they will rebel against MS as adolescents and grow up to be Linux developers!
Trouble making decisions? Just flip for it.
>>The only other plausible way to unseat a king
...is to take his throne and throw it across the room while yelling "I'm going to fucking kill that king!"
I usually can't work up a lot of pity for the obscenely rich, but it's really got to suck to be a little balmer - for so many reasons
Sure!!! that was the pavlovian educational brainwashing method of his childrens' brain...
Ipod -> Chair -> pain
Google -> Chair -> pain
Â_Â
"I wonder if Steve would only allow chairs that would be easy to throw, or have chairs so heavy that they couldn't be thrown. It depends on how he wants to raise his children, I suppose."
"Maybe his real motive for not allowing iPods is so that the kids won't throw them. Those things are expensive!"
"If you think Steve's tantrums are bad, wait until you meet his kids."
I'll be here all day. Try the veal.
until those rebellious teenage years... although I have to admit that a google query is a lame display of disrespect.
Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals. -- Jack Handy
Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod.
Agggh, the pain... can't decide how to karmawhore... call Micro$oft evil... make fun of Ballmer... Norman, coordinate!!!
Five percent of one year's DoD budget puts us on Mars.
"[...] chicks dig a dude with money."
"Well, not all chicks."
"Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do."
Just like all the pastor's kids who became coke dealers, right? Hahaha, I do think this is pretty funny honestly though. But really... with a dad like that, who cares if you have an iPod or not. They could probably twist him arm into getting their own Vista backdoor! :P (hold shift and eat a pretzel during boot, and Vista all Vista code will tranform into a robot ready for your command)
...
"they hire live cover bands to follow them around 24/7 "
That's so middle-class. Real billionaires hire the orginal performers for their kids, not cover bands.
"Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their master: a fell race..." -- J.R.R. Tolkien on Olog-hai
Yeaaaarrrgggghh! Honor me, children! HONOR MEEEEE! GIVE IT UP FOR MEEEEEEEEEE yeaaaaaar
You know what you need? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED?!
DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE *cough* DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE DISCIPLINE *hacking paroxysm* DISCi... *pants heavily* its all about the DISCIPLINe children... jesus.... fucking.. dis.. I... I.... *collapses in a puddle of sweat and desperation*
If Jesus wants me it knows where to find me.
But there's a way you can help. Talk to your kids about products and teach them why non-Microsoft products are dangerous, and can lead to a life of crime.
Did you know that Steve Ballmer recently got interested in photography? But he had a problem when he ran out of supplies, and he started shouting "Developers! Developers! Developers!"
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
You mean someone has let Ballmer REPRODUCE????
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
I think you people are being too hard on the guy.
He's just talking about believing in his product enough to feed his kids his own dog food.
Wait. That came out wrong...
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
"What are you hiding from me there?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me. It's an iPOD isn't it. You have a ****ing iPOD!"
"No, it's pot! I'm doing drugs."
"Don't give me any of that. It's an iPOD. You know that we don't use iPOD in this house. And what's that on your computer? Let me see your screen."
"It's just porn, dad!"
"It better be. If I catch you looking at Google one more time, you're grounded for LIFE. Now go smoke your pot and watch the porn like a good boy."
Mrs. Balmer..."oh honey...look at what I found in little steves sock drawer while I was cleaning today....and look at what I found on his computer."
Mr. Balmer..."oh my god, no...not my son....DEAR GOD PLEASE NO!!! STEVE JUNIOR...GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!!!"
Little Steve..."Yeah da...uh oh..."
Mr. Balmer..."Do you care to explaine this son?! You know the rules of my house!"
Mrs. Balmer..."Steve calm down please!! Oh junior we still love you..."
Mr. Balmer..."SHUT UP WOMAN! junior...talk....NOW.
Little Steve..."errr ummm...I was holding it for a friend! I swear! And my other friend was using my PC the other day, I didn't know!"
Mr. Balmer..."oh so your friend wanted you hold on to his Nano for him, and your "other" friend just happend to be looking at that SMUT search engine..."
Little Steve..."yes"
Mr. Balmer..."go upstairs...your mother and I need to talk about this"
Little steve..."yes sir"..."man, I better move that MacBookPro and linux server out of my closet...."
(hold shift and eat a pretzel during boot, and Vista all Vista code will tranform into a robot ready for your command)
...just so you know...
For the record, I just tried that with WinXP, and I got the blue screen of death.
Hades, PoD: Official Advocate
Dear Dad,
You're a dick.
Fondly,
Your kids.
Everyone knows that iPods are just an easy gateway to harder Apple products. As soon as he sees those little white buds, he'll know that Powerbooks and iMacs can't be far behind. He's just trying to protect his kids is all.
The only thing I hate more than hypocrites are people who hate hypocrites.
Of course, given they are Ballmer's offspring, they would not be simply Linux developers, but Linux developers! Linux developers! Linux developers!
My other post is a First.
Aye, and if the kids survive the onslaught, they shall have had sufficient training in arbitrary dickheadery to be good /. editors.
OK, that was a bit caustic.
"VB, much like generic beer and America's Funniest Home Videos is an enabling technology for stupid people." - Anonymous
For some reason I thought VB stood for Victoria Bitter when I first read your sig. Then I realised you meant Visual Basic. Now I'm not sure again.
Coming soon: camouflage case for the Nano. Makes it look like the "other" MP3 player.
Teacher: I'm afraid we have to put your son into a slow learning class. Ballmer: Why? Teacher: Well we found out he was using MSN search to research an essay. His arguments were completely wrong and his paper was 2 weeks late. Ballmer: What do the rest of the students use? And DONT say Google! Teacher: Ok I won't. Ballmer: @#&*!!!!!! *throws chair*
Dear Mormons, I love your sexually repressed gay sons.
When in doubt, parenthesize. At the very least it will let some poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi. (Larry Wall)
Nah, I agree with him in principle. I don't let my kids use Microsoft. They have enough problems already, looking like me and all.
"Tu fui, ego eris" - Virgil
You wack a discipwin.
That would be the ultimate kick in his gelatinous belly. Almost as bad as:
And, since they're probably going to inheret large bank accounts from dear ol' dad (assume he doesn't fucking kill them first), they'll be RICH linux developers. A bit of an oxymoron don't you think?
When the posters fear their moderators, there is tyranny; when the moderators fears the posters, there is liberty.
Don't worry, seeing how Vista's release date has continually slipped, his kids will probably never use that, either.
I could not justify my existence if I were a turkey farmer. Would I terminate myself? Undoubtably, yes.
It made my day to see this modded as informative. Thank you, Slashdot.
A publicly traded company exists solely to make profits for shareholders.
I'll bet he's got a customized version of Clippy installed on his kid's computers, integrated into IE:
"I see that you are searching for AAC music files on Google. Would you like me to:
1. Tell your dad?
2. Redirect you to MSN Search?
3. Search eBay for a helmet to protect you from flying furniture?
4. Expose another IE security hole to the press to keep Dad at the office all night?"
Oh wait... That won't work; if his kids use Google and iPods, they're probably using Firefox too...
Hrm. Goth outfit? No. I think jeans and a black turtleneck would go over much worse... :-)
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge"
- Charles Darwin
On another note, how unpopular must Ballmer's kids be at school? No iPods or Google? Might as well tattoo kick me signs on their backs.
At least when they rebel, it won't be to drugs or promiscuity, it'll be to the Itunes Music Store.
Linux, you magnificent bastard, I read the fucking manual!
You know how the business world works. He can throw chairs, ban IPods, and do monkey dances, as long as his hair is combed and he's wearing a suit and tie.
PS - I don't think Stallman has any better overall appearance either.
What do I care if one of them is gay? I have 20 more to find a few wives.
I really hate Dan Patrick.
What is the penalty for polygamy
<answer>Multiple wives<answer>
I'll be here all week, please try the veal.
These three kids are sitting around talking about getting stuff for free. The first kid says "My dad's a doctor, so I can be sick for nothing." The second kid says "My dad's a teacher, so I can be smart for nothing." The third kid says "Well, my dad's a pastor, so I can be good for nothing."
Well, it was funny when I first heard it.
John
So Google and iPod are "rebellious"? As far as geekery goes, I can't think of anything more conformist than being an iPod-toting Google slave, other than running Windows on your Dell.
Don't fink. Feew.
I have four words for you, I Love This House! YEAHHH!!!!
Similar to the upcoming US election results
In other news... the CEO of Juniper Networks once tried to tweak his firewall to block all packets that had passed through a Cisco Systems router.
Matthew Brundage
Silver Spring, MD
GATES: Welcome, young Balmer. I have been expecting you.
...are walking into a trap. As is your DoS Squad! It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the IP of the open ports. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of BSA agents awaits them.
Balmer's son peers at the hooded figure defiantly. Gates then looks down at the boy's binders.
GATES: You no longer need those.
Gates motions ever so slightly with his finger and Balmer's Son's binders fall away, clattering to the floor. The boy looks down at his own hands, free now to reach out and grab Gate's neck. He does nothing.
GATES: Guards, leave us.
The red-, yellow-, green- and blue-cloaked guards turn and disappear behind the elevator.
GATES (to Balmer's Son): I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master.
BALMER'S SON: You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father.
Gates gets down from his XP Console and walks up very close to Balmer's Son. Gates looks into his eyes and, for the first time, Balmer's Son can perceive the evil visage within the hood.
GATES: Oh, no, my young Linux Admin. You will find that it is you who are mistaken...about a great many things.
BALMER: His iPod.
BALMER extends a gloved hand toward Gates, revealing his son's iPod. Gates takes it.
GATES: Ah, yes, a Linux Admin's toy. Much like your father's Portable Media Center(tm). By now you must know your father can never be turned from the dark side. So will it be with you.
BALMER'S SON: You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead...and you with me.
Gates laughs.
GATES: Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Unix DoS Squad.
Balmer's Son looks up sharply.
GATES: Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends here.
BALMER looks at his son.
BALMER'S SON: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
GATES: Your faith in your friends is yours.
BALMER: It is pointless to resist, my son.
Gates turns to face Balmer's Son.
GATES (angry): Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. (points to a NETSTAT on the monitor) Your friends out there on the Internet..
Balmer's Son reacts. Gates notes it.
GATES (cont):
Balmer's Son look darts from Gates to Balmer and, finally, to the iPod in Gate's hand.
GATES: Oh...I'm afraid the firewall will be quite operational when your friends' packets arrive.
TO BE CONTINUED
Cool! Amazing Toys.
When I tell you about the only way you can escape hell it is helping you. If you repent from you sins (what you have done wrong) and are saved, you are now going to heaven. That is the biggest way I can help anyone.
So, just to help you:
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; 3:23
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Rom 6:23
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Ephesians 2:8
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Rom 10, 9-10