Slashdot Mirror
Ballmer Babies Banned From iPods and Google
Valah writes "In a recent Fortune interview with Steve Ballmer, the newer kinder Microsoft CEO is not only ready to take on the videogaming, search, music download and mobile markets - but he's also laying down the law in his own house. Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod."
I'd take the other approach - if they choose rival manufacturers then study first hand why they do so.
First hand experience can tell you a lot more than market research sometimes, and might just give future MS products an edge.
From the article (emphasis mine):
Well now I get a sense of where the inability to know the market comes from. Get a clue Ballmer -- to best compete with your competition you get to know them intimately.
Your strongest plan to defeat you competition is to know them as if you were them!
The only other plausible way to unseat a king is to have so much money and power and control of other resources that you can bludgeon him, beat him mercilessly until all of his resources are gone and you can take the ... Hmmmm. Never mind.
Considering Google's willingness to appease the biggest government censor (China), I don't doubt that Google will also censor itself in Ballmer's home, if IPs were given out. And another th--
WAIT... Steve Ballmer has human children?!?
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
Telling kids what they're not allowed to do/have will certainly make them stop wanting to do/have whatever it is. It'll work for sure.
On the other hand, if the alternative is being thrashed about like a rag doll by a sweaty man-ape...
Slashdot: 24 hours behind every other site or your money back!
Another generation of the wealthy and clueless.
No Google, indeed... Similarly, I do not allow my children to use 'legs'.
It was a joke! When you give me that look it was a joke.
But... Dad!! All the other kids are doing it!!
gigantino.tv - Heavy but weighs nothing.
This must be some new definition of "about to" with which I have not been familiar....
/. If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.
but he's also laying down the law in his own house. Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod."
Ahh when will parents EVER learn? If you forbid something, it just makes the kids want it more.
Coming soon, Ballmer's kids eventually end up working for Google, Ballmer buys an Island, sets up a wireless Windows-only network that blocks anything Google, and rules it by Windows-only voice commands from atop his throne.
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
"I wonder if Steve would only allow chairs that would be easy to throw, or have chairs so heavy that they couldn't be thrown. It depends on how he wants to raise his children, I suppose."
"Maybe his real motive for not allowing iPods is so that the kids won't throw them. Those things are expensive!"
"If you think Steve's tantrums are bad, wait until you meet his kids."
I'll be here all day. Try the veal.
In a monopoly, you're best off using
- fear (if I catch you using Google I'll throw a chair at you)
- and uncertainty (but can you really trust Google? It runs some free OS which can never scale as much as our expensive one) and
- doubt (but a small company like Google, will they be around next year?)
to keep your users.Balmer knows this, and he's practicing it on his kids.
I have to say that the summary given for this article isn't at all representative of the article as a whole. That being said, I have to say this. How Ballmer deals with his kids is a private matter. It should stay a private matter, and he should have known this. As CEO of a company like Microsoft, he should know that his private home practices are not justification of his proposed business models.
If he doesn't allow his kids to use Google or have iPods, that's his business. He shouldn't make it ours. That kind of preachiness can come back to bite one in the ass.
"You will pay for your lack of vision..." - Emperor Palpatine to Ray Charles
I'd take the other approach - if they choose rival manufacturers then study first hand why they do so.
Knowing your enemy is certainly preferable to willful ignorance.
Imagine Ballmer as a military commander: "No, I'd rather not examine the captured enemy secret weapon. From now on, all captured equipment shall be ignored! Any soldiers who say anything about the superior capabilities of the enemy equipment shall be placed in one of the suicide squads. Carry on, men! Carry on!"
Read the EFF's Fair Use FAQ
I've been saying it for years, a company's attitude starts at the top. If he wasn't a moron, he'd be letting his kids use these things, and then he'd be observing them and quizzing them on why they like them. He has his own marketing team, right there in his house, but he's more content to control than to learn and discover. Well, -shrug-, that's why MS will be MS until he and Bill are gone. I feel sorry for the micromanaged offspring though.
Luck favors the prepared, darling.
Which means:
1. They used google and were told to stop.
2. They never used google but were told never to start.
3. Bought an ipod and Steve got rid of it.
4. Asked for an ipod and were told no.
Either way, the genius is admitting that either his kids tried these products or he knew they were so superior that he had to do the preemptive strike to stop them.
What an idiot.
Actually, I'll vote for 5. He's a buffoon that needs to pound his chest on a regular basis (not to mention toss chairs) to seemingly make himself look like a tough guy and is making the whole thing up.
Again, if so, what an idiot.
"[...] chicks dig a dude with money."
"Well, not all chicks."
"Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do."
Clearly he doesn't care about his kids opinion of Google. Microsoft believes only in the positive feedback of a strong market position - we're popular because we're popular. By forcing his kids to use MS instead of Google or Apple, he's just doing his part to convert the masses one at a time. He thinks Microsoft just needs to reach a critical mass and they'll come to dominate whatever market they want - product quality is not an issue. This is backed up by the history where inferior MS products beat out supperior competition just because they got on more desktops. Remember when Gates told the folks at Apple he didn't need a superior product? So long as he could deploy to the IBM compatible world he'd capture the market.
That old philosophy clearly still exists.
But there's a way you can help. Talk to your kids about products and teach them why non-Microsoft products are dangerous, and can lead to a life of crime.
Did you know that Steve Ballmer recently got interested in photography? But he had a problem when he ran out of supplies, and he started shouting "Developers! Developers! Developers!"
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
You mean someone has let Ballmer REPRODUCE????
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
"What are you hiding from me there?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me. It's an iPOD isn't it. You have a ****ing iPOD!"
"No, it's pot! I'm doing drugs."
"Don't give me any of that. It's an iPOD. You know that we don't use iPOD in this house. And what's that on your computer? Let me see your screen."
"It's just porn, dad!"
"It better be. If I catch you looking at Google one more time, you're grounded for LIFE. Now go smoke your pot and watch the porn like a good boy."
It is a sad world when not having an iPod is child abuse.
He could say "They want to be able to get individual songs on demand without a monthly fee, and P2P gives them that -- sort of -- but we can make the experience much better because look at all the frustrating hunting around and poor copies, and look at the lack of previews, and so on..." His experience with the actual user experience was obvious to anyone who saw the keynote thing.
By contrast, here we have Ballmer patting himself on the back over not letting his kids use the competition's dominant product. He's using the word "brainwashed" about his own kids. Visionary leadership, I'm sure.
"Fundamentalism" isn't about divine morality. It's about human authority.
It's right there in your quote:
I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod.
There is the Microsoft business strategy in a nutshell. Do not debate relative merits, just brainwash your audience. Don't let them decide - tell them what they want.
Weaselmancer
rediculous.
Mrs. Balmer..."oh honey...look at what I found in little steves sock drawer while I was cleaning today....and look at what I found on his computer."
Mr. Balmer..."oh my god, no...not my son....DEAR GOD PLEASE NO!!! STEVE JUNIOR...GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!!!"
Little Steve..."Yeah da...uh oh..."
Mr. Balmer..."Do you care to explaine this son?! You know the rules of my house!"
Mrs. Balmer..."Steve calm down please!! Oh junior we still love you..."
Mr. Balmer..."SHUT UP WOMAN! junior...talk....NOW.
Little Steve..."errr ummm...I was holding it for a friend! I swear! And my other friend was using my PC the other day, I didn't know!"
Mr. Balmer..."oh so your friend wanted you hold on to his Nano for him, and your "other" friend just happend to be looking at that SMUT search engine..."
Little Steve..."yes"
Mr. Balmer..."go upstairs...your mother and I need to talk about this"
Little steve..."yes sir"..."man, I better move that MacBookPro and linux server out of my closet...."
Dear Dad,
You're a dick.
Fondly,
Your kids.
Everyone knows that iPods are just an easy gateway to harder Apple products. As soon as he sees those little white buds, he'll know that Powerbooks and iMacs can't be far behind. He's just trying to protect his kids is all.
The only thing I hate more than hypocrites are people who hate hypocrites.
I'm going to vote for #6. His kids want to use the stuff that daddy makes, and conciously choose to use Microsoft products because their father runs the company that makes them.
I highly doubt Ballmer would have choosen to say his kids were "brainwashed" into using Microsoft products unless he was joking. "Brainwashed" is a curious choice of words if he really did forbid non-Microsoft products.
If you read the interview, and not the Slashdot article, he actually says:
My reading of that isn't that he forbids them from using it, it's that his children support their father and his buisness. I have no idea how old his kids are (and neither does Wikipedia) but depending on age, it's quite believable that his kids just like emulating their father and therefore choose to use Microsoft products.
I read it as kind of a geek joke - Ballmer's kids are "brainwashed" into using Microsoft products because it's what their father uses.
Not that all kids use what their parents use - my father uses KDE and Opera, but I'm currently posting this from GNOME using Firefox. But when I was younger, and my dad bought OS/2 for our home computer, I believed him when he said it was the greatest desktop OS ever...
You are in a maze of twisty little relative jumps, all alike.
Seriously, I've seen this guy on various interviews and TV appearances, read about him online, and the guy seems completely mad. I'm not being facetious, the poor man is literally crazy, and looks like he's tearing himself apart in a continual battle between what's coming out of his mouth and reality.
Look at him, he's always jumpy, he has a huge vein in his head that throbs all the time, he screams really loud whenever he gets the chance to extoll the virtues of XBox 360 or Windows Vista, but has a constant grimace of a smile hoisted across his face when being asked difficult questions. He shakes his head before everything he says when he's lying (e.g. when he says how they're On Track for Vista) as if he doesn't believe it. He's so tense it makes me feel tense just watching him.
The guy needs to rest, or leave Microsoft. Banning his kids from google or ipods is just symptomatic of his increasing panic as he tries his very best to banish anything that suggests Microsoft is losing the race from his life. Any rational man would realise that Google and iPod are great products and it doesn't matter if his kids use it. It would be something to aim at. I would be saying "You think that iPod is fucking awesome, son, well just you wait for the crazy shit daddy is going to pull out of his ass," I certainly wouldn't be banning them from my household. I would use one.
I'm genuinely concerned for his health. He really shouldn't be in the position that he's in, his buddy Bill Gates put him there to act as a forcefield between Gates and the reality of Microsoft. And while BillyG sits back with a fat spliff and chills between dictating endless new features for Vista, poor old Ballmer is shipped around the country to give uncomfortable interviews and spew his insane Microsoft evangelism. I think he's the only Microsoft evangelist there is right now, and he's trying his best to be a one man army. Shame he's losing the battle.
Teacher: I'm afraid we have to put your son into a slow learning class. Ballmer: Why? Teacher: Well we found out he was using MSN search to research an essay. His arguments were completely wrong and his paper was 2 weeks late. Ballmer: What do the rest of the students use? And DONT say Google! Teacher: Ok I won't. Ballmer: @#&*!!!!!! *throws chair*
I knew someone who was from an "Amway family": their business was selling Amway stuff and getting other people to sign up as distributors "below" them in the pyramid. If they needed something and Amway sold it, they bought it. Everything in their house was cheap off-brand crap: weird breakfast cereal, odd-smelling shampoo, etc. It's not like they couldn't have afforded better quality. They just always bought Amway because that's what their business was. The kids hated it. Sounds like the Ballmer household is the same way. Pretty sad, if you ask me.
Ballmer didn't say that iPods and Google are banned form his house. Here's what Ballmer said: "but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod."
And "brainwashed" is supposed to be a joke, although nobody here would recognize one of those when it comes to Microsoft.
If it were Linus saying "but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Windows, and you don't use MacOS," everyone here would get it.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
Come on everyone, just calm down. My guess is that Steve was just joking. It is fairly safe to say that Ballmer's kids have access to a lot more disposable income than the average kid, so if they are of age (or when), you can bet that they'll have and use whatever tech toys are hip and available. Not only will they have iPods and use Google, they'll be using a bunch of stuff we can only imagine right now. And Steve will be glad that they are, if he's smart.
I spend a lot of time keeping up with new tech as part of my job and my hobbies, but still my kids manage to find all sorts of new things I haven't heard about. So what better way to keep up with trends and the competition than one's kids? So don't let Ballmer's joking around lull anyone into a false sense of security, his kids and Gates' kids may turn out to be among Microsoft's greatest assets.
To the making of books there is no end, so let's get started
He never said in the article that he forbade them to do anything!
From what he said in the article, he's simply convinced them that MS has the better way to do things, and that's why they go the MS way. I did the same thing with my kids; I convinced them tat Linux is the better way, that every product has to be evaluated on its own merits. I also explained to them why I generally dislike MS. They will use Windows when they have to at work. They play XBox games, and if the right games come out only for XBox, or work best on XBox, my son will probably buy an XBox. But MS is never their first choice.
He joked about brainwashing them, but I strongly suspect he's simply convinced them.
Basically, he is saying that his company cannot compete with the likes of Apple and Microsoft. It's just too good. even his own kis would jump on the iPod badwagon dispite the fact that they could get the Microsoft equivlenet for FREE. I mean that's how much better the ipod is! Steve Ballmer's own kids would use Google instead of MSN search if they were given a choice! So he takes what little control he has and forces his kids not to buy these products...
"Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"
You know how the business world works. He can throw chairs, ban IPods, and do monkey dances, as long as his hair is combed and he's wearing a suit and tie.
PS - I don't think Stallman has any better overall appearance either.
These three kids are sitting around talking about getting stuff for free. The first kid says "My dad's a doctor, so I can be sick for nothing." The second kid says "My dad's a teacher, so I can be smart for nothing." The third kid says "Well, my dad's a pastor, so I can be good for nothing."
Well, it was funny when I first heard it.
John
did he not in fact, capture the market?"
No, the philosophy is not wrong - it does work. It really isn't old (my bad) as far as I know it was considered new in the 1990s when software (pkzip in particular) could be made popular by being free for most uses. MS did in fact capture the market. I never said they didn't.
I was just pointing out WHY balmer doesn't care what his kids think of Google and Apple, and instead focuses on getting them converted. MS doesn't care about product quality, only that everyone use their crap. This explains almost everything they do. "Features" rolled into Vista are there strictly so that people will not be tempted to use something else. MS can say "We have that too" even if it sucks rocks. It's all about getting the MS version of everything in front of everyone so they won't look to the competition - quality is welcome if it happens to show up.
Damn I can infer a lot from what Balmer tells his kids....
On a related note. If the MS version of something - say tabbed browsing - sucks, the masses will conclude that tabbed browsing is stupid, so Firefox users that promote it as a great feature will sound like fools to them. If you create a new product, and sell a poor implementation to the public it can be a long time before they'll buy something similar from anyone.
Every time I hear a story about Steve Ballmer, I wonder how much longer until we see a news clip of him being led out of his house in a bathrobe and tissue boxes on his feet.
Personally, I'd let my kids use a competitor product so I can find out why they chose it, what it brings, and how we can beat it.
It is clear to me MS needs a complete managment change. There methods were fine when it was an emerging market, and they had contracts gaurenting OS sales with every computer sold.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
GATES: Welcome, young Balmer. I have been expecting you.
...are walking into a trap. As is your DoS Squad! It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the IP of the open ports. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of BSA agents awaits them.
Balmer's son peers at the hooded figure defiantly. Gates then looks down at the boy's binders.
GATES: You no longer need those.
Gates motions ever so slightly with his finger and Balmer's Son's binders fall away, clattering to the floor. The boy looks down at his own hands, free now to reach out and grab Gate's neck. He does nothing.
GATES: Guards, leave us.
The red-, yellow-, green- and blue-cloaked guards turn and disappear behind the elevator.
GATES (to Balmer's Son): I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master.
BALMER'S SON: You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father.
Gates gets down from his XP Console and walks up very close to Balmer's Son. Gates looks into his eyes and, for the first time, Balmer's Son can perceive the evil visage within the hood.
GATES: Oh, no, my young Linux Admin. You will find that it is you who are mistaken...about a great many things.
BALMER: His iPod.
BALMER extends a gloved hand toward Gates, revealing his son's iPod. Gates takes it.
GATES: Ah, yes, a Linux Admin's toy. Much like your father's Portable Media Center(tm). By now you must know your father can never be turned from the dark side. So will it be with you.
BALMER'S SON: You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead...and you with me.
Gates laughs.
GATES: Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Unix DoS Squad.
Balmer's Son looks up sharply.
GATES: Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends here.
BALMER looks at his son.
BALMER'S SON: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
GATES: Your faith in your friends is yours.
BALMER: It is pointless to resist, my son.
Gates turns to face Balmer's Son.
GATES (angry): Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. (points to a NETSTAT on the monitor) Your friends out there on the Internet..
Balmer's Son reacts. Gates notes it.
GATES (cont):
Balmer's Son look darts from Gates to Balmer and, finally, to the iPod in Gate's hand.
GATES: Oh...I'm afraid the firewall will be quite operational when your friends' packets arrive.
TO BE CONTINUED
Cool! Amazing Toys.