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Ballmer Babies Banned From iPods and Google
Valah writes "In a recent Fortune interview with Steve Ballmer, the newer kinder Microsoft CEO is not only ready to take on the videogaming, search, music download and mobile markets - but he's also laying down the law in his own house. Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod."
I'd take the other approach - if they choose rival manufacturers then study first hand why they do so.
First hand experience can tell you a lot more than market research sometimes, and might just give future MS products an edge.
From the article (emphasis mine):
Well now I get a sense of where the inability to know the market comes from. Get a clue Ballmer -- to best compete with your competition you get to know them intimately.
Your strongest plan to defeat you competition is to know them as if you were them!
The only other plausible way to unseat a king is to have so much money and power and control of other resources that you can bludgeon him, beat him mercilessly until all of his resources are gone and you can take the ... Hmmmm. Never mind.
Considering Google's willingness to appease the biggest government censor (China), I don't doubt that Google will also censor itself in Ballmer's home, if IPs were given out. And another th--
WAIT... Steve Ballmer has human children?!?
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
Does he throw chairs at his kids as well?
Telling kids what they're not allowed to do/have will certainly make them stop wanting to do/have whatever it is. It'll work for sure.
On the other hand, if the alternative is being thrashed about like a rag doll by a sweaty man-ape...
Slashdot: 24 hours behind every other site or your money back!
Another generation of the wealthy and clueless.
No Google, indeed... Similarly, I do not allow my children to use 'legs'.
It was a joke! When you give me that look it was a joke.
Babies: But dad it's cool \\:D/
*chair flies over*
Ballmer: I'll be back
No NON Microsoft products in his house.
He's rich enough to get someone to custom-build him an iPod from scratch and slap an MS logo on the back. As for Google, his kids have serfs to do their internet searches, using windows live or whatever's hot at the moment.
But... Dad!! All the other kids are doing it!!
gigantino.tv - Heavy but weighs nothing.
This must be some new definition of "about to" with which I have not been familiar....
/. If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.
Of course, this speaks nothing of groupthink.
This just means that his kids do use Google and they do have iPods.
infested with jello like fishes no melotron wishes
I foresee future Microsoft employees being raised. *sigh*... those poor kids. They'll never know what it's like to use a technology that actually works. Well, another one bites the dust I guess.
Fortune, and some other magazines is just an equivalent to the Playboy centerfold for CxO's etc .... this a fluff piece.
...
.. so what.
.. if MS's offerings were good enough .. would this step be needed ?
It may as well read
I prefer throwing charis
I like dancing like a monkey
I make my children do things that look good in print.
Reality is
Another karmic positive way of looking at it is :
Assuming away the bluster
Feh. Why dont they run the toilet paper Ballmer prefers... it might generate better discussion
Steve Balmer is a facist pig (sorry David Hasselhoff I'll get you next post).
they hire live cover bands to follow them around 24/7 while feeding them grapes by hand.
Except for ending slavery, the Nazis, communism, & securing American independence, war has never solved anything.
I wonder how soon software businesses will realize that MS will be cutting them out as well, once they get to a set size. It is apparent that MS will go to great lengths to take any dollar that they can.
While I dispise MS for what they do, I also admire them for how they can take their products and push them.
I prefer the "u" in honour as it seems to be missing these days.
but he's also laying down the law in his own house. Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod."
Ahh when will parents EVER learn? If you forbid something, it just makes the kids want it more.
Coming soon, Ballmer's kids eventually end up working for Google, Ballmer buys an Island, sets up a wireless Windows-only network that blocks anything Google, and rules it by Windows-only voice commands from atop his throne.
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
I usually can't work up a lot of pity for the obscenely rich, but it's really got to suck to be a little balmer - for so many reasons
Sure!!! that was the pavlovian educational brainwashing method of his childrens' brain...
Ipod -> Chair -> pain
Google -> Chair -> pain
Â_Â
"I wonder if Steve would only allow chairs that would be easy to throw, or have chairs so heavy that they couldn't be thrown. It depends on how he wants to raise his children, I suppose."
"Maybe his real motive for not allowing iPods is so that the kids won't throw them. Those things are expensive!"
"If you think Steve's tantrums are bad, wait until you meet his kids."
I'll be here all day. Try the veal.
"but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed"
Do you really trust someone who claims he "brainwashed" his kids? Oh wait, who does this guy work for again? Yeah, my bad, never mind.
until those rebellious teenage years... although I have to admit that a google query is a lame display of disrespect.
Imagine all the people ..... ....
It's easy, if you can
(etc)
"It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
In a monopoly, you're best off using
- fear (if I catch you using Google I'll throw a chair at you)
- and uncertainty (but can you really trust Google? It runs some free OS which can never scale as much as our expensive one) and
- doubt (but a small company like Google, will they be around next year?)
to keep your users.Balmer knows this, and he's practicing it on his kids.
I have to say that the summary given for this article isn't at all representative of the article as a whole. That being said, I have to say this. How Ballmer deals with his kids is a private matter. It should stay a private matter, and he should have known this. As CEO of a company like Microsoft, he should know that his private home practices are not justification of his proposed business models.
If he doesn't allow his kids to use Google or have iPods, that's his business. He shouldn't make it ours. That kind of preachiness can come back to bite one in the ass.
"You will pay for your lack of vision..." - Emperor Palpatine to Ray Charles
My parents always wanted to control everything in my life, too. They didn't allow computers for a while, because they could potentially induce pornography, etc.
However, my parents never took away 2 of the greatest cultural phenomenons in the last 2 years, simply because they are competitors with you. I know that my dad's tool shop would rather me not use the other company's competing tool, but they don't stop me from being curious and knowing the customer.
Ballmer needs to stop being an absolute control freak...I can't believe he's even letting it bleed into his family life.
I wonder if he screams "Developers! Developers!" at his kids, too...
Read the only personal Runyon page out there.
I'd take the other approach - if they choose rival manufacturers then study first hand why they do so.
Knowing your enemy is certainly preferable to willful ignorance.
Imagine Ballmer as a military commander: "No, I'd rather not examine the captured enemy secret weapon. From now on, all captured equipment shall be ignored! Any soldiers who say anything about the superior capabilities of the enemy equipment shall be placed in one of the suicide squads. Carry on, men! Carry on!"
Read the EFF's Fair Use FAQ
I don't know how anyone can even take that quote seriously. It's more likely a joke ballmer made that the journalist took out of context for his own benefit. I mean, think about it.
BeauHD. Worst editor since kdawson.
Sounds like a hellish offshoot of Muppet Babies.
Baby Balmer: Developers, DEVELOPERS, DEVLOPERS!!!!!!!!!
Nanny: Is everything alright in here?
Baby Balmer: Yes, Nanny.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
I've been saying it for years, a company's attitude starts at the top. If he wasn't a moron, he'd be letting his kids use these things, and then he'd be observing them and quizzing them on why they like them. He has his own marketing team, right there in his house, but he's more content to control than to learn and discover. Well, -shrug-, that's why MS will be MS until he and Bill are gone. I feel sorry for the micromanaged offspring though.
Luck favors the prepared, darling.
The best way to get a child to do something is to tell them they're not allowed to do whatever it is. (Especially if you don't give them a good (or any) reason.)
I'm not talking about using Reverse Psychology on them either. I prefer to educate them and let them decide for themselves what is best. If they're old enough to use a computer and Google/iPods, they are probably old enough to decide for themselves what they feel is a better product/service. Good 'ole Dad is just ushering in another reason for rebellion. Sometimes children need to be treated like children (because they act like children, of course). If you want them to act like they're older, you have to treat them like they're older, which means respecting them. Outlawing a competitor's website is ridiculous. If anything it should inspire him to want to create a better website so his children will WANT to use Microsoft's search instead of Google. I just think he's going about it in the wrong way.
And they said zombies weren't real!
Just as parents that are too strict on things such as a social life, sex, alcohol, etc end up having kids that are rampant on the respective scenes, I think this would be pretty damn funny if Ballmer's tactics had the same effect on his kids. Rather than curtail their use of Google and iPods, his kids will probably sneak off at night to "Google parties" and "iPod raves", be a part of the "Underground iPod Movement" (not like there really needs to be one) and end up being the top contributors to iPod accessories and features and some day work at Google.
Viva la chair-thrower!!!
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts...for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang
His kids probably also have cloven hooves and pointy bifurcated tails...
I might know what I'm talkin' about, but then again, this is Slashdot...
I recently attended a Microsoft Technet seminar where the speaker let it be known that the official rule at Microsoft is that no employee is to use Google, only the new MSN search engine. Not allowing his children to use Google or have an iPod is just as brilliant. Nevermind the fact that Google has the most relevant searches (for now), while MSN has the worst (of the major engines). So not only are his kids going to have a hard time doing research for anything, but his employees will as well. Funny stuff...
Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod.
Agggh, the pain... can't decide how to karmawhore... call Micro$oft evil... make fun of Ballmer... Norman, coordinate!!!
Five percent of one year's DoD budget puts us on Mars.
Which means:
1. They used google and were told to stop.
2. They never used google but were told never to start.
3. Bought an ipod and Steve got rid of it.
4. Asked for an ipod and were told no.
Either way, the genius is admitting that either his kids tried these products or he knew they were so superior that he had to do the preemptive strike to stop them.
What an idiot.
Actually, I'll vote for 5. He's a buffoon that needs to pound his chest on a regular basis (not to mention toss chairs) to seemingly make himself look like a tough guy and is making the whole thing up.
Again, if so, what an idiot.
He's brainwashed his kids not to use Google or an iPod? What next? They can't use Firefox or Opera?
What happens when his kids visit their friends who have an iPod or who look up info using Google? Do they leave the room or do they wash their eyes and ears out with bleach afterwards?
It appears the recent decision to push back the release date of Vista isn't tied solely to the problems with the code. The real answer might have something to do with the jumping monkey.
We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
"[...] chicks dig a dude with money."
"Well, not all chicks."
"Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do."
If my dad was as rich as Ballmer, I could think of at least a few other things to do besides googling for stuff and using iPods.
Clearly he doesn't care about his kids opinion of Google. Microsoft believes only in the positive feedback of a strong market position - we're popular because we're popular. By forcing his kids to use MS instead of Google or Apple, he's just doing his part to convert the masses one at a time. He thinks Microsoft just needs to reach a critical mass and they'll come to dominate whatever market they want - product quality is not an issue. This is backed up by the history where inferior MS products beat out supperior competition just because they got on more desktops. Remember when Gates told the folks at Apple he didn't need a superior product? So long as he could deploy to the IBM compatible world he'd capture the market.
That old philosophy clearly still exists.
Think you can you crack the iPod market?
;)
It's going to take an innovative proposition. In five years are people really going to carry two devices? One device that is their communication device, one device that is music? There's going to be a lot of opportunities to get back in that game. We want to be in that game. Expect to see announcements from us in that area in the next 12 months.
But the market is already doing this. Apple is already in on this. First with the ROKR phone (which was horrid) and now with the SLVR. In the near future, with holographic storage and other miniaturization, we'll be seeing phones with 30gb to 300gb+ capacity in no time.
He's saying to look for announcements in the next 12 months. I think in 12 months, the market is going to be vastly different from now. More phones will have mp3 playing features. higher capacities.
But I forgot. M$'s definition of "innovation" is to follow everyone else.
...spike
Ewwwwww, coconut...
closet Googlers!
(cue Pyscho music)
shriek, shriek, shriek....
Coderz 4 Life
He doesn't want them to watch this google video on their ipods.
What a dickhead.
What's he going to do when one of his kids decides to follow a different religion? Have a different secual orientation? Cheer for a different sports team?
Using a search engine... my god... that man has problems.
I guess he means not to use product or service of the companies who does not like MS. Phew ... what would happen to his kid ... huh ...
How rather sad actually that he looks at it that way. Of course maybe he uses aversion therapy with them; it's better not use google or an ipod than being hit by a flying chair...
... that means his kids are fucking reviled at school. lol.
Ballmer is an interesting anti-Gates personality. I don't think his penchant for the public eye does anything to improve the company's public image. MArketing is so important to monopolies that they really can't afford to be embodied by a raging behemoth.
un burrito me trampeó.
1st response- who cares?
2nd response- At least they're using their own products, so the short comings will get noticed (hopefully).
III.IIVIVIXIIVIVIIIVVIIIIXVIIIXIIIIIIIIVIIIIVVIII
But there's a way you can help. Talk to your kids about products and teach them why non-Microsoft products are dangerous, and can lead to a life of crime.
Did you know that Steve Ballmer recently got interested in photography? But he had a problem when he ran out of supplies, and he started shouting "Developers! Developers! Developers!"
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
You mean someone has let Ballmer REPRODUCE????
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
you're trying to tell me that somehow they spend their entire lives without using the most popular search engine in the history of the internet? google's inescapability makes this pretty hard to swallow.
i think ballmer is trying to make a point to the reporter. REPORTERS! REPORTERS! REPORTERS! REPORTERS!
go get it
"What are you hiding from me there?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me. It's an iPOD isn't it. You have a ****ing iPOD!"
"No, it's pot! I'm doing drugs."
"Don't give me any of that. It's an iPOD. You know that we don't use iPOD in this house. And what's that on your computer? Let me see your screen."
"It's just porn, dad!"
"It better be. If I catch you looking at Google one more time, you're grounded for LIFE. Now go smoke your pot and watch the porn like a good boy."
wow! The guy brags about brainwashing his kids. I'd hate to see what he does to his employees.
oh, wait...
there's no place like ~
Hell, that's a bit of an exaggeration isn't it? There's still atleast 9 months assuming no more delays!
It would be a good replacment for 'borg'
It is a sad world when not having an iPod is child abuse.
What will the fat freak do when his kids start rebelling and buying what they want to instead of what he wants them to? Will he throw a chair? Or will he just crap out and die of a heart attack?
He could say "They want to be able to get individual songs on demand without a monthly fee, and P2P gives them that -- sort of -- but we can make the experience much better because look at all the frustrating hunting around and poor copies, and look at the lack of previews, and so on..." His experience with the actual user experience was obvious to anyone who saw the keynote thing.
By contrast, here we have Ballmer patting himself on the back over not letting his kids use the competition's dominant product. He's using the word "brainwashed" about his own kids. Visionary leadership, I'm sure.
"Fundamentalism" isn't about divine morality. It's about human authority.
Steve to children: "Do NOT EVER use an iPod and NEVER go to google.com
... Steve leaves house...
... Geez... what a dork... can I borrow your iPod tonight? I read about this cool new album on google while at school and I wanted to check it out."
children: "No problem dad."
Steve to children: "Ok, I've got to get going to work, see you all tonight."
children:"OK dad, have a good day, and stay away from the chairs."
child1 to child2:"Someone should throw a chair at HIM!
child2 to child1:"Yeah sure... BTW.. make sure you don't use Dad's PC to do the download, he's got all that DRM **** on it. Use my laptop, and use the dual boot to linux."
child1 to child2:" Cool, thanks!"
Opinion:=TMyOpinion.Create(Me);
that only the brainwashed shoose Microsoft's products over those of Google and Apple. But Forbes would never use such a headline.
Because they wont even be able to get a degree for the following reasons:
;)
1. The cannot get the professor's lectures because they are available only through iTunes
2. The will not be able to write any research papers because they will still be waiting for the
new live.com search page to load and once it does they will not be able to find anything relevant to their research topics.
Btw I actually dont think the new live.com site or the search functionality is that bad....its just not as good as Google
It's right there in your quote:
I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod.
There is the Microsoft business strategy in a nutshell. Do not debate relative merits, just brainwash your audience. Don't let them decide - tell them what they want.
Weaselmancer
rediculous.
"I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod."
How come, Steve? If your company's products are so damn good then why would they want to use these things anyway?
THE HONOUR OF THE KNIGHTS - CC Licensed Sci-Fi Novel
God forbid Ballmer's children see what innovation is! (how then could they succeed him at microsoft?)
Judges and senates have been bought for gold; Esteem and love were never to be sold.
I agree that attitude starts at the top, and Microsoft reflects it's paranoid and controlling nature in several ways, on several levels.
However, I don't belive Mr. Ballmer is a moron - quite the contrary. He's just letting his huberis and fear over shadow his intellect at this point. A little humility would work wonders for the whole company.
Soko
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Anonymous
At which later in the week. Ballmers kids were overheard saying to daddy; But why did you have to build the wall so high?
My karma is not a Chameleon.
Mrs. Balmer..."oh honey...look at what I found in little steves sock drawer while I was cleaning today....and look at what I found on his computer."
Mr. Balmer..."oh my god, no...not my son....DEAR GOD PLEASE NO!!! STEVE JUNIOR...GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!!!"
Little Steve..."Yeah da...uh oh..."
Mr. Balmer..."Do you care to explaine this son?! You know the rules of my house!"
Mrs. Balmer..."Steve calm down please!! Oh junior we still love you..."
Mr. Balmer..."SHUT UP WOMAN! junior...talk....NOW.
Little Steve..."errr ummm...I was holding it for a friend! I swear! And my other friend was using my PC the other day, I didn't know!"
Mr. Balmer..."oh so your friend wanted you hold on to his Nano for him, and your "other" friend just happend to be looking at that SMUT search engine..."
Little Steve..."yes"
Mr. Balmer..."go upstairs...your mother and I need to talk about this"
Little steve..."yes sir"..."man, I better move that MacBookPro and linux server out of my closet...."
Has anyone thought about what his kids are going to say if he did use them as market research monkeys?
"All my friends have one" or even better "I don't know"
I'm all for proper market research, but since teenagers are psycologically the equivalent of lemmings, they're going to do what their friends are doing. Smoking, drinking, partying, etc. For 99% of the teenagers out there, they start because all their friends are doing it not because they are the epitomy of educated and discerning consumers.
MS got where it is today by being handed a monopoly on a plate by IBM, and they've stayed there by using their power and money to keep that monopoly. They've never had to compete on quality, and their management has never had to innovate, fight their corner in the free market, or learn anything about running a real company in the real world. Consequently, embarrassing arseholes like Balmer and talentless failed geek also-rans like Gates (born rich and never HAD to work a day in his life) have never been sent packing by the shareholders.
TWW
"Encyclopedia" is to "Wikipedia" what "Library" is to "Some people at a bus stop"
I could understand if he was trying to prevent bad press, like the report that came out last year saying that Microsoft employees used iPods. Looks like this is more of a case of drinking a little too much of the kool-aid, and wanting to make sure his kids have some too.
Yes, my only tool is a hammer. And you're starting to look like a nail.
Dear Dad,
You're a dick.
Fondly,
Your kids.
Everyone knows that iPods are just an easy gateway to harder Apple products. As soon as he sees those little white buds, he'll know that Powerbooks and iMacs can't be far behind. He's just trying to protect his kids is all.
The only thing I hate more than hypocrites are people who hate hypocrites.
The post says that "Steve says that his kids are not allowed to use Google or have an iPod.".
This is plain wrong. Here's what he actually said:
"My children--in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod."
How is it possible to take this literally instead of as a joke? Come on!
In fewer words, to the poster: RTFA + don't be a nitpick
"Dad. Please may I have an iPod for my birthday?"
"Yes, Linus, my son. Of course you may."
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
Psycho. Complete raving lunatic. Megalomanical whacko.
Why the stockholders dont get rid of him, I'll never know. He gives the company a bad name.
Ballmer:
Why stop at your kids? Reroute google.com -> 127.0.0.1 (and all google IPs, as well) at all the Microsoft Campuses.
Institute a new "security" policy. All non-Mac business unit employees may no longer bring iPods to work. They'll be confiscated on sight and destroyed.
You're the CEO. You can do stuff like that. After all, Windows Live search is a superior product. You'd be doing your staff a favor by redirecting them from Google.
Of course, you can setup a Google compatibility lab, where your employees do research on Google in a carefully controlled, monitored setting.
It's your company, and your dog food. Put 2 and 2 together, monkey-buddy.
WhiteWolf666 an exBush supporter. All you new-school,compassionate,save the children Republicans can rot in hell
is the old philosophy wrong? what makes it old?
did he not in fact, capture the market?
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
Seriously, I've seen this guy on various interviews and TV appearances, read about him online, and the guy seems completely mad. I'm not being facetious, the poor man is literally crazy, and looks like he's tearing himself apart in a continual battle between what's coming out of his mouth and reality.
Look at him, he's always jumpy, he has a huge vein in his head that throbs all the time, he screams really loud whenever he gets the chance to extoll the virtues of XBox 360 or Windows Vista, but has a constant grimace of a smile hoisted across his face when being asked difficult questions. He shakes his head before everything he says when he's lying (e.g. when he says how they're On Track for Vista) as if he doesn't believe it. He's so tense it makes me feel tense just watching him.
The guy needs to rest, or leave Microsoft. Banning his kids from google or ipods is just symptomatic of his increasing panic as he tries his very best to banish anything that suggests Microsoft is losing the race from his life. Any rational man would realise that Google and iPod are great products and it doesn't matter if his kids use it. It would be something to aim at. I would be saying "You think that iPod is fucking awesome, son, well just you wait for the crazy shit daddy is going to pull out of his ass," I certainly wouldn't be banning them from my household. I would use one.
I'm genuinely concerned for his health. He really shouldn't be in the position that he's in, his buddy Bill Gates put him there to act as a forcefield between Gates and the reality of Microsoft. And while BillyG sits back with a fat spliff and chills between dictating endless new features for Vista, poor old Ballmer is shipped around the country to give uncomfortable interviews and spew his insane Microsoft evangelism. I think he's the only Microsoft evangelist there is right now, and he's trying his best to be a one man army. Shame he's losing the battle.
Omg. Does it not occur to you that he might have been joking?
but I bet they just love hacking away at old dos boxes.
VERITAS VOS LIBERABIT
Two dogs are sat in Pavlovs parlour. One turns to the other and says "Watch this, if I start salivating he starts ringing a little bell".
Coming soon: camouflage case for the Nano. Makes it look like the "other" MP3 player.
Teacher: I'm afraid we have to put your son into a slow learning class. Ballmer: Why? Teacher: Well we found out he was using MSN search to research an essay. His arguments were completely wrong and his paper was 2 weeks late. Ballmer: What do the rest of the students use? And DONT say Google! Teacher: Ok I won't. Ballmer: @#&*!!!!!! *throws chair*
I knew someone who was from an "Amway family": their business was selling Amway stuff and getting other people to sign up as distributors "below" them in the pyramid. If they needed something and Amway sold it, they bought it. Everything in their house was cheap off-brand crap: weird breakfast cereal, odd-smelling shampoo, etc. It's not like they couldn't have afforded better quality. They just always bought Amway because that's what their business was. The kids hated it. Sounds like the Ballmer household is the same way. Pretty sad, if you ask me.
I was reminded of this comment by Ballmer in 2004, when he made his infamous statement about the music on iPods being "stolen" (as opposed to the music played in the virtuous Windows Media Player):
"My 12-year-old at home doesn't want to hear that he can't put all the music that he wants in all of the places that he would like it."
Mr. Ballmer, your 12-year-old (now 13 or 14, I suppose) understands digital music better than you do. There *is* no reason he can't put it all the places he'd like it, except that you're being a crappy parent and teaching him rotten principles about corporate subservience.
He who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.
Your jokes are funny because, like all good jokes, they reveal something truthful in a slanting way (to paraphrase a certain New England poet).
A number of posts prior to yours argue that Ballmer was joking about brainwashing his kids. I can believe he was joking, but his joke reveals a disturbing if not chilling kind of truth. In particular, if Ballmer is the kind of man who can be moved to swear and break things around employees over whom he has authority, it is a better than even bet that he does the same (and more) around his loved ones.
Psychologically speaking (from an inexpert point of view), Ballmer is an authority figure who uses intimidation and force to obtain what he wants. If he cannot obtain what he wants, he expresses himself in violent outbursts. Ballmer, in my opinion, is a dangerous man, and I am betting that in 15 years one of his children will write a memoir that reveals what we already suspect about one of Microsoft's most powerful executives.
blog
Hopefully he banned his kids from slashdot too! Holy crap! He is taking it in the pants on this one!
In the story, he insinuates that his kids misbehave a lot.
... likely due to the fact that their father is rarely at home to help raise them? Keeping them from Google and an iPod won't help much, Steve-o.
Uhh
Frammin' on the jim-jam, frippin' at the krotz!
What an idiot.
Ballmer didn't say that iPods and Google are banned form his house. Here's what Ballmer said: "but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod."
And "brainwashed" is supposed to be a joke, although nobody here would recognize one of those when it comes to Microsoft.
If it were Linus saying "but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Windows, and you don't use MacOS," everyone here would get it.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
I'm inclined to believe it is just a BS comment made from the hip. To actually believe an executive officer of any company would "order" his kids to do anything flies in the face of marketing and parenting conventions. For marketing, you've drawn attention to some positives about using the competition's product: that it irritates Ballmer. For parenting, at a certain age telling your kids to not do something without guidence is one of the surest ways to have them do it.
If it is or isn't true isn't the issue. The fact he said it indicates something of his thought processes on marketing and strategy. It seems to suggest that instead of concentrating on the quality of their product, or the quality of the competition's product, that the thing he would do is supress information about the other product. This isn't automatically a bad marketing strategy but is spooky on its own especially told in this parable. Even if the idea is made up, the idea is that Ballmer isn't interested in either his product or the competition but in control. If you are an investor this is what you should take away from the comment and use this tidbit of insight to help direct where your next investments should go.
For such a visible face for Microsoft, he sure picked some *aweful* metaphors to discuss their strategy and products. He should recognize this and either chose his words more carefully or let others handle this stuff. He left us all with the implication he is an aweful person or that he is oblivious to consumer tastes.
Come on everyone, just calm down. My guess is that Steve was just joking. It is fairly safe to say that Ballmer's kids have access to a lot more disposable income than the average kid, so if they are of age (or when), you can bet that they'll have and use whatever tech toys are hip and available. Not only will they have iPods and use Google, they'll be using a bunch of stuff we can only imagine right now. And Steve will be glad that they are, if he's smart.
I spend a lot of time keeping up with new tech as part of my job and my hobbies, but still my kids manage to find all sorts of new things I haven't heard about. So what better way to keep up with trends and the competition than one's kids? So don't let Ballmer's joking around lull anyone into a false sense of security, his kids and Gates' kids may turn out to be among Microsoft's greatest assets.
To the making of books there is no end, so let's get started
Fire Ballmer.
Really if you can not get him to shut up and act like a human being then he has to go.
1. Throwing chairs and saying that you going to f'ing kill someone has no place outside of a high school. Even in a high school kid it would be a sign of immaturity.
2. Talking about not letting your kids use Google is great PR. For Google and Apple!
3. For Steve Baller's next trick I see this. "Apple and Google are so much better the junk we make that I had to beat the crap out of my kids with a chair to keep them from using them!"
BTW Steve Jobbs says "thanks".
See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
If "people" kept wondering why they were crap, they'd stop buying them. At 90% of the OS market, I'd think that the overwhelming majority does not think the products are crap. And before you ramble on about monopolies, Joe 6 pack, etc, 90% is 90%. 90% of the population is not tied to MS legacy products, and I wouldn't call 90% of the population "Joe 6-pack." The truth is MS products do have issues, but they're good enough that people for the most part don't migrate to something else.
Look at the IE7 team's blogs. These are third-rate programmers who don't even understand why people think their product sucks, yet they're trying to fix it.You can call MS programmers lots of things, but third-rate wouldn't be one of them. Coding an OS or a browser that will run on hundreds of millions of computers is not something I typically associate with a third rate programmer.
As for why MS chooses to continue "fixing" IE (which many, and including myself believe to be fundamentally broken) is that starting over would take too long. Lots of people like to say that IE took over because it was bundled with the OS. Well, not quite. Mozilla had decided to start from scratch, a project originally deemed to take only 6 months I believe. In the end, it took years. Netscape stagnated, while IE didn't. Eventually IE took over. Sadly MS let IE stagnate anyway, instead of starting over from scratch during the time it had no competitors. That time is over, and starting over from this point would mean death to IE, and much to everyone's dismay, MS doesn't want that.
and talentless failed geek also-rans like Gates (born rich and never HAD to work a day in his life) have never been sent packing by the shareholders.
Ya, that Bill Gates. What a failure...
Download free e-books, lectures, and tutorials at bookgoldmine.com
Would a person willing to brainwash his own children have a second thought about charging money to strangers for an inferior product?
He found an Ipod along with some porno magazines !
HAHAHA
Steve Balmer, Stifles innovation at home, the same way he does at work. Hilarious!
-Moduz
begin monkeydance
A: I LOVE *THIS* FAMILY!
end monkeydance
This isn't that unusual, I mean I am sure the Ford Exec's kids don't drive Civics.
Ballmer is guilty of it! (j/k don't sue me!)
Steve Ballmer's children are official Microsoft OEM partners.
I suppose every household may have its own definition of rebellion...
Exactly what I was thinking. I also heard he told them if they don't respond to the chair throwing, he'll fucking kill them or fucking put them up for adoption! :b
think of the children!? There are plenty of chairs in Ballmer's home. Think what will happen if he catch his children using iPods and Google! Someone please think of the children!!!
He never said in the article that he forbade them to do anything!
From what he said in the article, he's simply convinced them that MS has the better way to do things, and that's why they go the MS way. I did the same thing with my kids; I convinced them tat Linux is the better way, that every product has to be evaluated on its own merits. I also explained to them why I generally dislike MS. They will use Windows when they have to at work. They play XBox games, and if the right games come out only for XBox, or work best on XBox, my son will probably buy an XBox. But MS is never their first choice.
He joked about brainwashing them, but I strongly suspect he's simply convinced them.
And don't forget to bring your chair, muahahaha!
Why hasn't anyone asked this yet?! Can they use firefox? What about mac os x?
brickspeed.net for your old Volvo performance addiction
Holy shit! Someone bred with Uncle Fester, the Dancing Monkey Boy??? Where did they find the blind retard to perform the obligatory hump and squat out a couple more Microsoft mongoloids?
I'm amazed they even have opposable thumbs to operate an Ipod!
This is my sig. There are many like it but this one is mine.
And buy what exactly? Macs? Windows is entrenched in workplaces, and that is enough to keep most people tied to it as a day-to-day system. But don't think that ordinary non-IT workers don't hate Windows and Word; they do. But no one's asking them what they think.
You can call MS programmers lots of things, but third-rate wouldn't be one of them
I have seen their hiring at universities; only the third-raters apply because anyone else has too much pride to work for a company where ensuring the user is locked in to you, no matter how bad your product, is more important than making them want to stay with you. If you care about what you do that's not an attractive environment.
Ya, that Bill Gates. What a failure.
Tell me something he's succeeded at in the last 25 years that didn't rely on him being given a million dollars (in the early 60's) by his super-rich family with powerful connections and I might not consider him a failure as an IT geek. Making money with money is hardly the toughest game in town, especially when IBM gives you a free ride for a decade.
TWW
"Encyclopedia" is to "Wikipedia" what "Library" is to "Some people at a bus stop"
I feel sorry for the micromanaged offspring though.
By this i assume you mean Windows? Personally, I feel sorry for the kids.
As more and more people use or talk about Google, and the iPod, I think his kids will use those products and keep it a secret from their father who has a slight problem: "I Can't let my kids use other people's Good products!" He prolly won't let 'em use Linux or Mac OSX either.
All Your Base Are Belong To Us!!! chown -r us
I'll bet he's got a customized version of Clippy installed on his kid's computers, integrated into IE:
"I see that you are searching for AAC music files on Google. Would you like me to:
1. Tell your dad?
2. Redirect you to MSN Search?
3. Search eBay for a helmet to protect you from flying furniture?
4. Expose another IE security hole to the press to keep Dad at the office all night?"
Oh wait... That won't work; if his kids use Google and iPods, they're probably using Firefox too...
From TFA:
Expect to see announcements from us in that area in the next 12 months
10 months from now: We will innovate like you've never seen innovation before. In just one more month!
11 months from now: In order to ensure maximum innovation, we had to delay the release by a few months, just 4, not that much.
15 months from now: We are getting back into the game. We're going to release the device of them all, expect too see it in the store in another 2 months or so.
17 months from now: Next month we will be releasing the app. Expect to see it in stores at around $XXX
18 months from now, MS releases the concept of a MSpod
30 months from now, stores have brand new shiny MSpods, but there's one problem: it's at the level iPods were over 2 years ago...
Yeah...but are they allowed to do the monkey-boy dance??
Your statement is true enough, but he claims to "brainwash" his kids. This article definitley needs to be forwarded to Ballmer's local Department of Social Services for investigation.
We've got two lives, one we're given, and the other one we make. --Mary Chapin Carpenter
"iPod sucks! Whatever we... design... ur... is better... i mean those... youknow... erm... music... screw it! what CD's you wanna buy?"
Children... not Euphemism for Employees?
I thought for a minute this was about his "children" all him evil minions who work for him at Microsoft.
Guess it would be hard for a company, even Microsoft, to ban google and IPODS for employees.
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
You can call MS programmers lots of things, but third-rate wouldn't be one of them
I have seen their hiring at universities; only the third-raters apply because anyone else has too much pride to work for a company where ensuring the user is locked in to you, no matter how bad your product, is more important than making them want to stay with you. If you care about what you do that's not an attractive environment.
I advise you to Google their interview process. I think you'll disciver you you would very likely never get into M$ - their interviews are tough - or at least are *as* tough as (say) Google and you cannot be a third-rate programmer and get in.
Ultimately there are enough of us programmers out there that even if 80% wouldn't consider M$ because of pride, only a tiny fraction most of the remaining 20% are capable enough to be hired by M$ - they only accept extremely good programmers, I'm in the middle of their hiring process and trust me, it's tough - and I'm no third-rate programmer.
Ash
It took me until this point in the comments to realize that "Ballmer Babies" is not referring to Microsoft Employees.
"Hi, my name is Steve Ballmer. When I am home with my family, sitting around the table, you may ask what kind of chairs I like to use? Well, my family knows only to sit on Bingo Bob's Chairs. Not only are they comfortable, but super light to sustain maximum throwing distance. If you're gonna throw a chair, just don't pick any chair, pick a Bingo Bob's Chair."
-Steve Ballmer
of a responsible parent. He takes upon himself to ban these things from his house, instead of asking the gov't to pass some "child protection" law to do it for him. He deserves all of our support.
What?
I'm sure you all seen the video when Balmer Runs around the stage like hes insane screaming I LOVE THIS COMPANY?
Well, You can use that reaction when he found an IPOD in his kids room.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MqUhJubv2zc
Heres the video
-- I Dont Deserve A Sig I Have Bad Karma
Basically, he is saying that his company cannot compete with the likes of Apple and Microsoft. It's just too good. even his own kis would jump on the iPod badwagon dispite the fact that they could get the Microsoft equivlenet for FREE. I mean that's how much better the ipod is! Steve Ballmer's own kids would use Google instead of MSN search if they were given a choice! So he takes what little control he has and forces his kids not to buy these products...
"Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"
I'm sure his kids use both iPods and Google daily. They just do it behind his back. Just like any other kid would do. All kids do stuff their parents have told them not to do or that think their parents would object to.
:P
I've done it.
You've done it.
Your kids have or will do it.
And by "it", I mean having perverse sex, smoking pot, and doing drugs. Of course they'll be Googling for the perverse sex, and smoking pot whilst listening to the iPod.
This is both true and untrue. Teens are susceptible to groupthink, but they're also capable of complete individuality. If I was Ballmer, I would be asking why all of my kids friends have one... Just marketing? There's much more to it than that.
Luck favors the prepared, darling.
Jesus, explaining one's own jokes is tedious!
I think Ballmer, specifically, leaving MS, would be good for the company, and may give us naysayers reason to look at them again.
Luck favors the prepared, darling.
You know how the business world works. He can throw chairs, ban IPods, and do monkey dances, as long as his hair is combed and he's wearing a suit and tie.
PS - I don't think Stallman has any better overall appearance either.
Actually, it's an offshoot of the Beanie Babies line. Here is an example. Collect them all!
Steve Ballmer's children are charging him with anti-trust violations...
How are his children suppose to get their homework done???
since MSN and Y! can't help...
http://chickencamels.poemofquotes.com/
Indeed. There are websites devoted to the MS interview process (or at least there used to be). Anyway, good luck Ash.
Download free e-books, lectures, and tutorials at bookgoldmine.com
Finally, they actually drank poisoned Flavorade.
Which is like the Apple of Kool-Aid.
Picture two kids holding iPods while sitting in front of a computer with the monitor displaying "Google..." on one side of the strip, and some kids studying with open books on the other side. The caption... "While other kids were busy doing their homework, Steve Ballmer's kids were steadily growing rebellious against their parent's rules."
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. -- Groucho Marx
Not whores.
Not to say it could never happen, but it doesn't tend to, and it's sad that you got modded up just because you had someting nasty to say about people who spend their whole lives trying to help others.
"He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
As if the kids need a reason to be beaten up beyond having Monkeyboy for a father.
What would happen if Ballmer's kids installed the latest Fedora Core distro on their home computer? :) ?
...if Ballmer worked for a company that specialized in nitrogen.
"Kids, you're banned from using oxygen!"
Okay, that was lame.
And buy what exactly? Macs? Windows is entrenched in workplaces, and that is enough to keep most people tied to it as a day-to-day system. But don't think that ordinary non-IT workers don't hate Windows and Word; they do. But no one's asking them what they think.
As I said in my original post, 90% is 90%. 90% of the population does not use Windows at work. Most people under 18 do not work with computers (or if they do, they don't bring their work home with them). Grandma probably doesn't work, yet if she owns a computer, its probably Windows.
But no one's asking them what they think.I'm not saying these people aren't being influenced by others who are tied to Windows at work. What I'm saying is that if Windows was as "crappy" as you said it was, it wouldn't matter; those not tied to Windows (which beleive it or not, is probably the majority of people) would switch to something else.
Wrong on many levels there, friend. 1. We vote with our dollars. If most people thought Windows was crappy, most people would buy (or get for free, for crying out loud) another OS.
2. MS spends huge amounts of money tailoring their GUI for the "common folk." You might not personally like it, but many do, and find it easy to use. That's the reason why many OSS window managers (I think that's what their called) follow MS's approach. And I don't blame them; if someone else is doing the research, you don't have to reinvent the wheel. Now the GUI isn't the whole OS, but its what most people think of when they think of an OS.
No one's doubting that you don't like Windows or MS; but you're assuming that most people think like you do, and you're wrong.
Download free e-books, lectures, and tutorials at bookgoldmine.com
It just doesn't make sense based on his behavior that shows his devotion to the mighty Ipod.
http://saveie6.com/
"Brainwashed" would infer that his view is entirely political and not necessarily factual.
;-)
Er, I think you meant "imply" rather than "infer".
-- "I never gave these stories much credence." - HAL 9000
I often use Google groups to find solution to technical problems. Are there many other search engine for Usenet groups? Are they as good as Google groups?
If Ballmer's kids cannot use Google, they might be deprived of a tool which no other serious alternative exist.
Remember the year 2000? They promised us flying cars. They delivered the PT Cruiser...
It's going to take an innovative proposition. In five years are people really going to carry two devices? One device that is their communication device, one device that is music? There's going to be a lot of opportunities to get back in that game. We want to be in that game. Expect to see announcements from us in that area in the next 12 months.
I heard: "Blah blah blah blah. I don't really understand what I'm talking about but I'll make a vacuous promise that we will deliver something that will compete with the iPod and I need to use the word 'innovative' in there somewhere since we have a trademark on that concept. Blah blah blah blah."
OK. I realize this article came from a publication geared at people who are completely clueless about technology. But COME ON!! What kind of an answer was that?! I think it's evident that MS doesn't really know what they're up against and they are probably just looking to buy someone else out who has a cell phone that runs on Pocket Windows and slap Media Player on it. That will be their "innovative" proposition. When I look for innovation I want something completely new that's never been done before. MS has yet to do that. With any technology.
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
That picture of Ballmer in the article looks similar to Dick Cheney.
Indoctrinating children is one of religion's specialities, after all. It's a large part of bypassing people's critical thinking skills; getting to them before they develop.
:/
* Bitter because both the primary schools I went to were built right next to churches, which we were forced to attend; confession, communion, confirmation, etc. That's not helping others
God save Steve and his fascist regime!
or would that be chair in the wall, seeing as this is Ballmer we're talking about?
Still waiting on Serviscope_minor to wake up to fucking reality and realize that Jessica Price isn't going to fuck him.
Well, newest line is that Vista might not be sold in Europe% 7C6bdf77b30c4aeeb5%7CN%7C0&src=redactie&newsPanel= uitgelicht&id=2060),
;-0
(dutch link: http://www.bnr.nl/ShowNieuwsArtikel.asp?Context=S
so what will Balmers kids use when in Europe
Original dutch text:
"Brussel eist kale opvolger van Windows
Softwarebedrijf Microsoft mag Vista, de opvolger van het besturingsprogramma Windows, niet in Europa verkopen als daar allerlei andere producten van Microsoft aan gekoppeld zijn."
When using my gmail I noticed an adsense advertisemnt for Microsoft.
I linked to microsoft.com's page on why you shouldn't use UNIX and case studies of companies that have changed.
I'm not sure if Microsft is really a google customer or if its 3rd party that gets paid by microsft everytime they send traffic to them.
Thought it was interesting.
Kids have a natural ability to choose products are superior. For them, it is not even a conscious thought process: is automatic, instinctive and obvious. Apple somehow gets things right. Definitely not though the use of focus groups. Probably not by way of reseach. My guess is Steve Jobs and his product development team use a much faster and more efficient method. They ask their children (and the kids' buddies) how things should work, because kids are not brain damaged or prejudiced. They just know what's right.
I wonder if he gives them a monthly chair allowance. After all, they do have to follow their father's good example... There really is lots of wear and tear when you toss them around (the chairs, not the kids).
I wonder what he would do if he saw a fluffy tux around the house or, even worse, one consisting of pixels on a screen...
Hey you guys, I am one of Steve's kid's and I dont think you are funny at all. Even if I am not suppose to read Slashdot, I do. So there. I have to admit, I am reading /. at 3 in the morning under the covers with a flashlight and linux laptop. But I am still reading it. So there again.
Every time I hear a story about Steve Ballmer, I wonder how much longer until we see a news clip of him being led out of his house in a bathrobe and tissue boxes on his feet.
Personally, I'd let my kids use a competitor product so I can find out why they chose it, what it brings, and how we can beat it.
It is clear to me MS needs a complete managment change. There methods were fine when it was an emerging market, and they had contracts gaurenting OS sales with every computer sold.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
More then likely they have several, just to disobey their parents.
And we care what these rich spoiled brats do because?
---- Booth was a patriot ----
The first hit is free.
Micrsoft should focus on making products that are better than google and apple, so they don't have to "force" people to use there products. It won't work in the long run..
And if they do use either, the have a chair thrown at them.
In other news, the children of steve ballmer were found using an Ipod, when asked for a quote ballmer said nothing but "I'm going to do it, I'm going to Fn kill my kids, I've done it before and I WILL DO IT AGAIN!"
I wouldn't let my kids use any MS product.
you had me at #!
"As I said in my original post, 90% is 90%. 90% of the population does not use Windows at work."
90%? who are you trying to kid? Most kids use windows ar school. For the point of this thread, that would qualify as 'work'.
But it doesn't matter, because ther eis no real choice. Most people 700-1000 dollars is a lot of money, so a dell it is. Care to guess how many different OS companies the buyer gets to choose? 1
IF they hunt around, and no what to loko for, they might find Linux. maybe.
They do not have a reasonabl choice at this time, becasue people are committed to windows, and cna not afford to change.
"Wrong on many levels there, friend. 1. We vote with our dollars. If most people thought Windows was crappy, most people would buy (or get for free, for crying out loud) another OS."
really? every one here at my work doesn't like windows, yet we are forced to use it, even though we can show it is a significant cost associated with support.
That true with most corporations. As it has been shown time and time again, the OS people use at work, is the OS they will use at home becasue they need to ensure campatiblity with there work. Also, it's easy to justify getting a copy of the OS to use at home from work, if you use it for work, even a little.
FUnny thing is, you assuming avryone has the same skill set, knowledge, and interested you do; which they don't.
Downloading an ISO is not an option for most people. No more then changing a carborater is doably for most people.
I have worked with many MS programmers, very few have been better then third rate. They few that were really good, where there towards the begining.
They all could tell you how they would move a mountain, but they could give practical reasonable answer, or program to what is usefull for the user.
Based on the management at MS I have had the 'pleasure' of working with, it's no surprise there culture now breads this.
All the programmers have been smart, but it takes more the smarts to be a good programmer.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
proxy abuse.
Being outcast at school or any other early social situation is first fuelled by being different. The kid who couldn't watch tv, the kid who couldn't celebrate xmas etc.
Oh, so you "can't listen to an iPod".
Think his kids are going to be regarded as normal? Think they won't get any bitch-slapping?
Welcome to the playground - here's a fast-moving rubber ball for your ass!
pwdned!
I always thought that wanting the best for your kids was 1 of the things that made you a good parent.... ;-) Shame on you Mr Balmer !
Can't believe you people believe what he says.
I bet his kids own an Ipod , Google and call XP a piece of crap.
Maybe the Slashdot icon for MS (Bill Gates as a Borg) should be changed to Steven Ballmer (as himself) throwing a chair.
I don't allow any of his products in my house.
He doesn't need to get angry, he's probably got a clause in his will specifically pertaining to usage of competitor's products and revocation of inheritance. Just let the lawyers handle it all.
The proof is on every shelf in every software retailer; MS programmers are crap programmers. You can't turn out shit products for decades and then claim that your hiring proceedures are selecting the elite.
Ultimately there are enough of us programmers out there that even if 80% wouldn't consider M$ because of pride
Of good programmers I'd say that more than 99% would not consider M$ because of pride in their work - after all, that pride is a big part of why they're good, and the lack of it is why MS programmers keep churning out rubbish.
I think it is partly management to blame too, of course. Those who do go into Microsoft for something other than money soon run up against idiots like Balmer and it grinds them down as they realise that the culture in the company simply has no place for good, solid, reliable programming. It's a sausage factory for code. Get it out the door; keep getting the upgrade fees, patch it later if someone finds the bugs. Pay the bribes, get the contract, change the law, lock the competitors out and the users in. Who wants to work for that mentality?
God alone knows how bad Vista must be to have stopped this treadmill even for a few months!
TWW
"Encyclopedia" is to "Wikipedia" what "Library" is to "Some people at a bus stop"
Just wait. Any psychologist will tell you, once his kids get out from under his controlling thumb... LOOK OUT!!!
Good luck trying to convert iPod fans, Ballmer. I've noticed that once you go Mac, you don't go back(TM).
Hehe
I've brainwashed my kids, when on the train near Reading (England) they boo at the Microsoft HQ
I wrote this about two years ago, and I think it's rather applicable to this discussion:
One of the things that Bill Gates has to look "forward" to is his daughters becoming teenagers. Considering they are part of a rather elite community with a heavy tech influence, you have to think that the day will come when the following scenarios come up...
One day Bill gets home from work to find his daughters listening to some rather odd music over the computer system. "Hey, what have you got there?" He'll ask.
"Oh Dad, it's the latest Garabi band. Tommy gave us some MP3s he'd pulled from one of their albums, and then we got online and P2P'd some more."
The color will drain from Bill's face as he realizes the publicity value to the RIAA of taking him and his daughters in.
"How many times have I told you girls that trading P2P files is wrong. You'd be better off doing drugs then stealing like that."
The girls will look at each other, and then the eldest will say, "Dad, you are so 20th century limited. None of the Garabi bands would let those RIAA bandits touch their profits. They rely on file trading to build up a loyal base to go to their concerts, or buy their shirts from their website, or buy a DVD with their music videos."
The youngest will then pipe up with, "Sheesh. Let's get out of here."
As the girls turn off their music and leave the room, Bill is left to consider the business viability of his DRM unit...
Of course it won't stop there. A few days later Bill comes in to see the girls playing a video game he's never seen before on one of the family computers. The fact they're not playing on the latest console is surprising enough, but when they hear him enter the room and leave the game, the desktop doesn't look like anything he's seen before either.
"What the heck is that?" He'll ask.
This time the youngest will explain. "Dad, this is the latest Game distribution of MiniKnopp. It loads the OS and game together to give you an optomized experience. "
The oldest will add, "Yeah. You can install the underlying Debian distribution to the HD, but we figured that you wouldn't want us messing up 'your' computer. And we didn't want to play in our rooms because we don't have as big of screens."
As the girls finish shutting down the computer, Bill is left to consider the business viability of his Game Console unit...
Finally, the weekend comes, and Bill is surprised to see the art screens throughout the house are showing a number of vibrant pictures he's never seen before. And the image loads seem to be much faster than he's seen in a long time. As he makes his way to the living room, a door opens, and his daughters come out from the server room.
"Hey girls, what are you doing?" He'll ask.
"Well Dad, you know how you've been complaining that the home servers are getting so slow even though you upgraded the hardware last year? Well we ran AdAware and found that they've been getting bogged down with adware and malware."
Bill will get a little hot under the collar. "I have a crew come up here each week to make sure we have the latest security patches and to scan for viruses."
The girls will roll their eyes, and then the oldest will explain, "Dad, you can't leave a Windows computer up for a week between patches, and then only scan for viruses."
The youngest will pipe up, "So we installed White Box linux on the servers, setup a proper firewall, and added a link to DeviantArt so we could get some new images from time to time."
As the girls head toward the kitchen for breakfast, Bill is left to consider the business viability of his company...
Would you really care about google? hell.. even showering if you were worth billions?
For some reason i can picture his kids laughing at him as he rants about "no google in this house"
They do not care Ballmer, They're getting your billions fat boy!
Does he keep them away from Scientology as well?
"It's the height of ridiculousness to say for those 9 lines you get hundreds of millions."
Ballmer's homepage: http://www.smashmyipod.com/
Found this by searching Google whild listening to my iPod.
In other news... the CEO of Juniper Networks once tried to tweak his firewall to block all packets that had passed through a Cisco Systems router.
Matthew Brundage
Silver Spring, MD
Instead of winning because of better products, simply bully the competition out by force or draconian laws.
GATES: Welcome, young Balmer. I have been expecting you.
...are walking into a trap. As is your DoS Squad! It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the IP of the open ports. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of BSA agents awaits them.
Balmer's son peers at the hooded figure defiantly. Gates then looks down at the boy's binders.
GATES: You no longer need those.
Gates motions ever so slightly with his finger and Balmer's Son's binders fall away, clattering to the floor. The boy looks down at his own hands, free now to reach out and grab Gate's neck. He does nothing.
GATES: Guards, leave us.
The red-, yellow-, green- and blue-cloaked guards turn and disappear behind the elevator.
GATES (to Balmer's Son): I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master.
BALMER'S SON: You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father.
Gates gets down from his XP Console and walks up very close to Balmer's Son. Gates looks into his eyes and, for the first time, Balmer's Son can perceive the evil visage within the hood.
GATES: Oh, no, my young Linux Admin. You will find that it is you who are mistaken...about a great many things.
BALMER: His iPod.
BALMER extends a gloved hand toward Gates, revealing his son's iPod. Gates takes it.
GATES: Ah, yes, a Linux Admin's toy. Much like your father's Portable Media Center(tm). By now you must know your father can never be turned from the dark side. So will it be with you.
BALMER'S SON: You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead...and you with me.
Gates laughs.
GATES: Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Unix DoS Squad.
Balmer's Son looks up sharply.
GATES: Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends here.
BALMER looks at his son.
BALMER'S SON: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
GATES: Your faith in your friends is yours.
BALMER: It is pointless to resist, my son.
Gates turns to face Balmer's Son.
GATES (angry): Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. (points to a NETSTAT on the monitor) Your friends out there on the Internet..
Balmer's Son reacts. Gates notes it.
GATES (cont):
Balmer's Son look darts from Gates to Balmer and, finally, to the iPod in Gate's hand.
GATES: Oh...I'm afraid the firewall will be quite operational when your friends' packets arrive.
TO BE CONTINUED
Cool! Amazing Toys.
WHOA MAN, The man only said he had brainwashed hos kids, NOT that he had BANNED them. So I think all the bad press here is typical conformist stuff from the ESTABLISHMENT. The LINUX, APPLE and Dare I say it BIG BAD BLUE Corp ESTABLISHMENT. So lay off Steve!!! Long live David and down with Goliath!!!!
Letter to Steve:
What is the first thing you learn as a parent? If you tell your child to not do something they will instantly do what you don't want them to do.
Ok, so you take a different direction. You strongly suggest they use/do/act whatever in a different way. This sometimes works sometimes not (50/50).
You then realize that no matter what you do they "your children" will do what they want and it doesn't matter what you say. So you decide to set examples and boundries for them and make it clear why you wouldn't do what they may or maynot do.
Or you realize that controlling your workers by banners, slogans, hawaiian shirts doesn't work and that one should be focusing on the work and leave the negitive stuff at home.
Another note I would be offended to be called a "Kid" we are adults who deserve the same respect you are demanding!
You say Pastors spend their whole lives trying to help others......
Umm. No. Some might help others. But, their job description is to further indoctrinate people into their religion, feed them crap ideas and get them to donate money to that same cause.
Telling people about a "Jesus" who will wipe away their sins if they follow the church is not helpful. Believers think it is, but it really isn't.
Don't look at the Fnord. If you look, you'll have to (fnord) rethink your business (fnord) plan.
... all the other kids have one!
I dream in binary.
What a fuckin' idiot
Gates (born rich and never HAD to work a day in his life) Wasn't he employed by McDonalds at some time?
-2B
and all the kids there have iPods, so his pronouncements have no actual effect on them, other than meaning they can't "buy" them, they just have to "borrow" them from their friends ...
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
Perhaps (1 in 8 Americans have been) but he had a million dollar trust fund at birth and was raised in the lower strata of the American aristocracy, so the requirement to work is not there. Gates has followed that particularly nasty path of those born into luxury and privilege whereby they spend much of their lives trying to prevent anyone else enjoying the same things.
TWW
"Encyclopedia" is to "Wikipedia" what "Library" is to "Some people at a bus stop"
You made me laugh.
__
Men with no respect for life must never be allowed to control the ultimate instruments of death.
GW Bu
The Ballmer Children, codenamed "Develop her, Develop him," due for first quarter of 1996, were inherently delayed due to genetic code revision. The final release of the Ballmer Children are on schedule for third quarter 2007.
why be normal?
I'll just use my special getting high powers one more time...
What I see as your point is "MS should drop the legacy support to progress." But can it be even possible with all those games and applications from the old days? I don't know about Apple, but I really hope there'll be a legacy support as long as I want to run my favorites and i'm sure there are others who will agree with me(lots of them i hope).
Funny, because I called their sales department like 2yrs ago for some information and they actually used Google for the search cuz the sales guy told he was going to search for some information on Google, because their website (microsoft.com) lacked the information.
[i]In five years are people really going to carry two devices? One device that is their communication device, one device that is music?[/i]
Umm..it's already been done genius...is this guy for real?
"Just Smile and Nod." --Huck
Having children requires having sex, and who on earth would willingly have sex with Ballmer? Or perhaps he adopted...
... on iterations of "Fucking Kill (TM)" in the replies to this story?
Women will fuck anything for money and many will just fuck any Woman. Someone wanted his babies?
iptables -A OUTPUT -d google.com -j DROP
re:"why be normal"
No why's required - although there'd be a lot less fat kids in goth makeup if normal wasn't considered a dirty word. That and "packaged abnormal" is it's own kind of normal anyway.
If you want abnormal - look to your local homeless man for tips. Sure there's lots of em, but not all got there the same way. True individualism in action, and you can have mine in small doses when I need to make rent. Thank goodness I don't have kids - then I'd really have to give in.
"I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod."
Thats what it takes to get people to voluntarily use MS products. Sadly, MS has most of the population brainwashed. But slowly people are waking up. Its sort of like the Matrix.
Flip a coin. The hemhorraging of Apple's laptop market share when they couldn't get a PPC version out for years was dramatic; then when they did finally produce one with the new chip it was the PB5300, which I know from extensive experience was a complete lemon.
I've assumed the long delay in a G5 laptop was basically causing Jobs to have PTSD flashbacks to that previous failure to keep up the product line -- which seemed to me to have everything to do with Jobs's own return. Big influence on the recent chip change.
"Fundamentalism" isn't about divine morality. It's about human authority.
actually, I do... they aren't spoiled rotten :) theres no reason a kid needs an iPod until he can afford to purchase one with his/her own money. That's our philosophy.
I'm pretty sure it was in jest. Of course it is hard to read in text... think "lol.. I brainwash my kids... no iPods, no Google"
Its kind of like if you worked for Ford, you really wouldn't want your kids driving a Chevy. Bad publicity.
Ballmer mentioned it at the end of the article, and wee see it with the SLVR, ROCKR, cable boxen that double as DVRS and all in one DVD players and hoem theatre systems.
I've allways felt that convergence is great in some cases. I think that it is great that I can get my email on my phone, but I just don't see how broad based convergence will work. Technology in different products changes at different rates, but putting your money in a convergent device is going to lock you into a device that is not as feature rich as the individual devices, and that you won't want to half replace. For example, are you going to really want to replace your entire home theatre system for one that plays HD-DVD because you bought a combo DVD/home theatre system? I wouldn't. And when the DVD player piece or the home theatre piece breaks, what then?
What if I want a newer music player than the one that is also my phone? Or hey, there is a new phone out that is pretty cool, but it doesn't have music capabilities yet.
I just don't see why convergence makes sense in a lot of areas, to me it just means feature subsets and a disinsentive to upgrade. Businesses use disparate suppliers and solutions because of the total set of features because it is ultimately more cost effective to have each piece sum to the whole requirement, rather than making do with one monolith that can't sastify everything.
Are Ballmer's children really brainwashed or are they just afraid he'll throw furniture at them if they dare to use superior technology?
(%i1) factor(777353);
(%o1) 777353
Maybe I'm the only one who RTFA'd that noticed that the picture of Ballmer looks a little doctored. They airbrushed out his shoulders to make him look less bulky and intimidating. Makes me wonder what else they did. Did they paste that smile on his face, too? Maybe doctor out some chairs? I think it was most obvious because I would guess that he doesn't let his artists use Photoshop, and they had to doctor the photo in MS Paint.
warning: This post is likely to contain gobs of dripping sarcasm. Consume at your own risk.
Nah, some people think Apple is elite, and sophisticated. Nobody thinks that about Flavorade. It's more like the Sorny brand TV's. Similar, but really just a rip off.
warning: This post is likely to contain gobs of dripping sarcasm. Consume at your own risk.