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Spam King to Sing For Feds?
Vainglorious Coward writes "Infoworld is repeating the rumours that Alan 'spam king' Ralsky has been arrested by the Feds. With the file sealed for 72 hours, the article claims the underworld is abuzz with concern that, faced with enough evidence to put him in jail, Ralsky will squeal on his associates. We should know in the next couple of days whether any of the roaches scurrying for cover are going to get stomped."
In response to Mr. Alan Ralsky's equivocations, I would like to offer the following opposing points. To begin with, the tone of Mr. Ralsky's philippics is eerily reminiscent of that of unrealistic pop psychologists of the late 1940s, in the sense that mercantalism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. We have not only a right but also a responsibility to restore the world back to its original balance. The facts are indisputable, the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So why does Mr. Ralsky contend that granting him complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air? The answer may surprise you, especially when you consider that he does not tolerate any view that differs from his own. Rather, Mr. Ralsky discredits and discards those people who contradict him along with the ideas that they represent. Imagine people everywhere embracing his claim that children should belong to the state. The idea defies the imagination.
Isn't it odd that the worst classes of nasty, fastidious perjurers there are, whose hate-filled, huffy lifestyle will transform our whole society to suit Mr. Ralsky's own obtrusive, mingy interests eventually, are immune from censure? Why is that? After days of agonized pondering and reflection, I finally came to the conclusion that from secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, Mr. Ralsky's followers have always found a way to malign and traduce me. Mr. Ralsky does not want to turn our country into a devious cesspool overrun with scum, disease, and crime because he is fatuitous, illiberal, possession-obsessed, and unregenerate (though, granted, Mr. Ralsky is all of the aforementioned), but rather because if I were to compile a list of Mr. Ralsky's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that everything I've said so far is by way of introduction to the key point I want to make in this letter. My key point is that Mr. Ralsky's squibs can be subtle. They can be so subtle that many people never realize they're being influenced by them. That's why we must proactively notify humanity that Mr. Ralsky's whinges are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I free people from the spell of adversarialism that Mr. Ralsky has cast over them, his invariant response is to kill the goose bearing the golden egg. Mr. Ralsky's unimaginative, myopic quips replace our natural soul with an artificial one. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to give you some background information about him. What I take much more seriously than disdainful hackers are mean-spirited peddlers of snake-oil remedies, but what makes matters completely intolerable is knowing that when I say that many obdurate beguilers are taken in by Mr. Ralsky's attestation that university professors must conform their theses and conclusions to his disorganized prejudices if they want to publish papers and advance their careers, this does not, I repeat, does not mean that his mistakes are always someone else's fault. This is a common fallacy held by lazy, garrulous ruffians.
In Mr. Ralsky's histrionics, mandarinism is witting and unremitting, power-drunk and distasteful. He revels in it, rolls in it, and uses it to shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it. Mr. Ralsky sees no reason why he shouldn't ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. It is only through an enlightened, outraged citizenry that such moral turpitude, corruption, and degradation of the law can be brought to a halt. So, let me enlighten and outrage you by stating that I, speaking as someone who is not a snappish, voyeurism-prone publisher of hate literature, cannot too often emphasize the simple fact that it is sad to see Mr. Ralsky render unspeakable and unthinkable whole categories of bel
I vote for mob justice. Throw him into a locked room filled with the pissed off masses fed up with too much ludicrous junk mail.
the underworld is abuzz with concern that, faced with enough evidence to put him in jail, Ralsky will squeal on his associates
I'm sure Mr. Ralsky's associates have nothing to fear. An upstanding, honest businessman such as himself would never rat on his friends.
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Thats singing contralto, right? I mean, we are going to punish that slime in an appropriate manner.
I still have more fans than freaks. WTF is wrong with you people?
Can we send this guy to Guantanamo? How about Abu Ghraib? How about if we glue a put a yamaka on his head and drop him off in downtown Tehran.
There is no "I disagree" mod for a reason. Flamebait, Troll, and Overrated are not substitutes.
Before a slow and painful execution, he should have his anal sphincter jerked up around his adam's apple, his scrotum tied (in a proper square knot) behind his ears, then beat with a baseball bat until dead. ;)
Down With Slashdot BETA!!! I've been around the corner and seen the oliphant; you can only abuse me from your perspecti
...he should have his anal sphincter jerked up around his adam's apple, his scrotum tied (in a proper square knot) behind his ears...
I think I got some spam for a site like this just a few days ago...
If Ralsky deserves only one second of jail for each minute infuriated users have lost deleting his crap, this could ammount to thousands of years of jail.
I'll be generous and I'll accept that his time in jail be divided by ten if he tells the Feds everything he knows !
Cheers !
He won't mind. There is a distinct possibility of failure, but if things go rotten he can always take a few penis pills.
(one wonders... if vitamin pills contain vitamins and garlic pills contain garlic, what might penis pills contain?)
He'll be squealing for his new associates.
Never shake hands with a man you meet in a fertility clinic.
No. Leave him in jail for a while. Lets send some penis enlargment pills, spemmax, and instant cialis tabs to his cell mate.
See if his cell mate lets him opt-out.
Fight Spammers!
So when is it going to prosecute itself?
Yes... I stole this from Bash; sue me.
Further info from a spammer board posting indicates that Al is still free and *NOT* in custody. My source remains anonymous until I can further confirm it.
If (Feds.prosecute() == Spammer)
slashdotCrowd.getsSuperExcited();
else if (Feds.prosecute() == AnybodyElse)
slashdotCrowd.getsSuperMad();
That's not quite half the job..
-jcr
The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
If you're reading this Alan, I've got some excellent 'Get Out Of Jail Free' pills you might be interested in...
Make the spammer have one of his own penis enlargements he's always telling us are so great & just as he's nice, red & sore after the operation, start feeding him the viagra he's alway telling us is so great. :-)
Ouch!
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
Hello my name is Tunde Bamake and I am writting to you to offer an amazing deal.
Recently an associate of mine Alan Rasky was arrested by the FBI on charges of sending spam and unsolicted emails. I assure you my friend that these charges are totally unfounded and he really needs your help.
He has $10,000,000 ten million dollars sitting in a Swiss bank account which he needs to pay for his lawyers. He can not get that money because the FBI will confiscate it if he trys to access it.
My friend, I am asking you as a Christian to help my friend Mr Rasky with little effort from yourself. All you have to do is allow us to transfer the $10,000,000 TEN MILLION DOLLARS through your personal account.
This will be at no risk or effort to yourself. Mr Ramsky understands the effort you will be going through and thus is offering you $250,000 TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for your help.
Please my friend, I ask you to help Mr Ramsky in his hour of need.
He can always out-out of that prison sentence, right? Just a mail with "remove me"...
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