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Lawyers Ordered to Play RPS to Settle Dispute
Rent-to-Pwn writes "After the lawyers involved couldn't settle even the most basic disputes without court intervention, a federal judge ordered the two lawyers to play one (1) game of rock, paper, scissors to settle the dispute. Being a federal case, in theory, it could become precedent for similar, unimportant decisions. Of course, there's no mention of what the two lawyers are supposed to do in case of a tie ..."
I can't wait to see what Groklaw has to say about this precedent. Or who owns the game...
Do not mock my vision of impractical footwear
...nothing beats rock.
Damn, and just when my faith in our justice system had been fully restored...
Those who anthropomorphize science and/or nature already believe in an intelligent designer.
... if they're allowed to summon expert witnesses.
Sue for unsportsmanlike conduct. Or something.
I use my +9 Rock of Justice!
Proof by very large bribes. QED.
PBF said it best: There's only one way to settle this.
I'd recommend The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide.
You know they'll spend at least 2 hours arguing over on what count to shoot, what hand gestures constitute "scissor", "paper" and "rock", how to dispute ties, etc., etc.
Did you ever notice that *nix doesn't even cover Linux?
Echo's of "QUAD DAMAGE" and "J00 CAMPING SOB" in the Halls of Justice.
I just can't be bothered.
...perhaps a duel would be more appropriate.
"We are appaled by this decision. Including Rock and Paper in a decidedly Scissors arena is yet another tactic by activist judges trying to legislate from the bench. They keep pushing this kind of alternate agenda down our throats. Alternate Dispute Settlement indeed! Keep your Rock and Paper away from my Scissors. We don't need that kinda stuff here!"
and totally redeem itself!!!
And the scary thing is, I misread the headline and thought they might have to play Warcraft III for the decision.
"We're about to your honor... one.. two.. three.."
It obviously belongs in Games.
The World Wide Web is dying. Soon, we shall have only the Internet.
I can see it now....
(Digging for Arrowheads)
Pip: OOH! OOH! I think I found one!!
(Cartman has hold of the other end.)
Cartman: No, I found it!
(Cartman and Pip hold the large arrowhead by opposite ends.)
Pip: Oh, I do believe I found it first.
Cartman: No, I did!
Pip: Oh, dear...
Cartman: Well, guess we'll have to Roshambo for it.
Pip: What do you mean?
Cartman: Well, first I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can. Then you kick ME in the nuts as hard as YOU can. And we keep going back and forth until somebody falls. Last one standing gets the arrowhead.
Pip: Oh, my. Well, I suppose if I must...
Cartman: Okay, ready? I'll go first.
(Cartman takes a step and hauls off, kicking Pip square in the balls. Pip immediately turns blue and falls to the ground coughing. Cartman looks pleased. After Pip stops coughing, he finally manages to speak.)
Pip: Well, I guess you win.
Cartman: Oh, I don't care, you can have the stupid arrowhead. I don't want it.
(Cartman tosses the arrowhead down to Pip, who is still lying painfully in the dirt.)
--
That would make court dramas interesting!
Coderz 4 Life
June 7 (Las Vegas) -- Bookies in Las Vegas have already begun accepting bets. 1.2 to 1 odds are that the winning lawyer will pick Paper over Rock.
Just add {In Space!} to anything.
Lawyer #1: "Rock"
Lawyer #2: "Paper"
L1 "Aha! I win"
L2 "No you don't! Paper wraps rock, it says that right here under section 1A of the rule book."
L1 "Look, according to the expert witnesses, rock would rip right through paper. We have a geologist to testify to the strength of rocks, and a materials engineer to testify to the relative weakness of paper."
L2 "Well, we have a person from the Rock Paper Scissors assosiation and another from the paper industry, both of whom assure us that paper wraps rock."
Etc, etc ad infinitum....
Oh yeah?
And the brethren went away edified.
Perhaps. We'll see. From TFA:
but you forgot one thing. Rock - Crushes - Scissors! -- But, Paper covers Rock, and Scissors cuts Paper! Kiff, we have a conundrum! Search them for Paper, and, bring me a Rock.
Gee - it's no fun when you spill the punchline.... Subtle references are best left unexposed so the inner sanctum can continue to feel superior to and laugh at all those unknowing fools who have yet to master the intricacies of modern cartoons.
So, why don't you just bite my shiny metal ass? Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.
...except paper...
But scissors beats paper! Kif, we have a conundrum!
Alternatively, this bit probably applies best to lawyers:
But if the other side will rationally choose scissors, then the sensible course of action is to throw rock.
But if the other side reasons the same way, then obviously you'll have to play paper.
Either way, never get involved in a land war in Asia.
I swear that when I saw the headline I was thinking "Real Person Shooter" !!!
R typically stands for real in these cases, and not being familiar with rock as a choice, I figured they were going to duel. I like that we can sometimes take the justice system back a few hundred years every now and then. Maybe they should just tie up both parties and throw them into a body of water - whoever lives obviously is wrong!
Get your Unix fortune now!
"I understand that scissors can beat paper and I get how rock can beat scissors. But there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "OH SHIT I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT PAPER WOULD PROTECT YOU, ASSHOLE."
When you first read the headline, did you think it was a typo that should have read "FPS" or "RTS"?
It's like Isaac Newtons "Unionized" versus "Un-ionized" test, only for gamers.
It would be "Rochambeau", and while Wikipedia offers your alternative as legitimate, this is one of those cases where I believe Wikipedia has been overtaken by rude, uncultured philistines bent on destroying all meaningful cultural reference and offering bland Americanized bastardizations in the place of perfectly good imported words.
And just for the mods, who occasionally can't figure this part out, 'I'm Kidding!(tm)'.
All the techniques ever used to make men moral have been themselves thoroughly immoral... (Nietzsche)
there's no mention of what the two lawyers are supposed to do in case of a tie ...
File an appeal?
-- dR.fuZZo
Two lawyers enter!
One lawyer leaves!
MASTER BLASTER RULES BARTERTOWN!!!
*cough*
"People" using "unnecessary" quotes should be "shot".
Erotic is when you use a feather. Exotic is when you use the whole chicken.
Perverted is when you eat the chicken afterwards.