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Radioactive Snails Crawl Up From Beneath
slidersv writes "Reuters is reporting discovery of radioactive snails in the area where three hydrogen bombs were lost by US in the 1966. The radioactive creatures crawl up from underground, where authorities suspect deposits of uranium and plutonium may be located."
Imagine all the stupid giant mutant nuke-spewing snail movies this will inspire. Bruce Willis versus ..... slime?
Table-ized A.I.
I for one welcome our radioactive overlords... Sorry, i tried.
...are gonna git them some good eatin' now... Escarglow!
Clearly, they are in cahoots with the giant bug that was found on Google Maps, not too long ago.
Also, I understand they are radioactive...
But do they run Linux?
On a more serious note, I find this fascinating - radioactivity is one of the least understood and possibly most useful sciences in the world.
-Red
Guns don't kill people, "with glowing hearts" kills people.
> How the fuck do you lose a goddamn hydrogen bomb?
Maybe it was packed into the same box as the moon landing videos.
If you're in Tokyo right now...
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
I for one will be happy to welcome our radioactive slime-spouting overlords.
In, oh, just over twenty years, which is the time it'll take for the snails to crawl from Spain to menace Tokyo (which, as we all know, is the ultimate goal of everything radioactive, oversize or alien in this world).
Trust the Computer. The Computer is your friend.
"If the future is bleak for humanity, it may be less so for simpler, more robust organisms."
As George Carlin once said: "It's not the planet that needs saving, it's us!"
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? - Pink Floyd.
Teenage Mutant Ninja...Snails?
If anyone post anymore snail jokes, they will be slugged.
They were trying to get rid of the spanish inquisition before monty python showed up
I guess the same guy lost these that lost the Apollo Moon landing tapes
"If it's lost, it'll turn up. Things always do" "I love it when a plan comes together"
TAKE ON THE WORLD! The Day of the Tentacle is upon us. :P
> This situation is the result of what is now popularly known as a "broken arrow". A nuclear weapons accident that does not produce the risk of nuclear war. The weapon (a missing weapon on the nuclear scale)would actually be known as an "empty quiver".
Wonder what Freud would have said about that jargon...
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
They were trying to get rid of the spanish inquisition before monty python showed up
I, for one, didn't expect that.
Forget thrust, drag, lift and weight. Airplanes fly because of money.
And now I have to worry about not just nuclear excitement to the northwest, but also radioactive snails??
Well, I guess I can at least give a play-by-play when they---holy shit WHAT'S THAT?! NO NO NOT WITH THE TAIL NOOOOOOOO
NO CARRIER
Makes you wonder about the real history of Kosher laws in Judaism.
Indeed. I imagine the radioactive exhaust of the flying saucer that parted the Red Sea contaminated some of the food supply for at least the next 40 years. Coincidence?
"Imagine, reading Beowulf by the light of a cluster of these snails..."
Much better.
Immune to radioactivity, yet incredibly susceptible to salt. Nature sure had fun making you.
Lets hope noone gets bitten by one of these suckers, then we'll have to put up with "Snailman" who can do anything that a snail can.
Cue very slow W 0 0 T.
>The hydrogen bombs fell near the fishing village
Such simple times when you could have a crash, lose 3 nukes then shrug and say 'ah well, never mind'.
These days every ounce of anything remotely useful for bomb making needs to be accounted for just in case some nasty terrorist gets their hands on it. What went wrong? I want the good old days back when you could casually leave weapons of mass destruction lying around near fishing villages ('if they trawl one up they'll probably just throw it back, right?) and not worry about it.
I want a list of atrocities done in your name - Recoil
1) The French eat snails.
2) The French eat anything with garlic on it.
3) You takes your basic radioactive snails and then you puts your garlic on them nice and even like. Then you can em and sell em in France
4) Profit!!!
And it's only Frenchmen, so who cares what this does to their DNA. Maybe you'll get a glow-in-the-dark superpowered French mime. And he can fly, if he falls off the Eiffel Tower.
It's not survival of the fittest..
The animals that survived clearly did so because they were more intelligently designed.
(Apologies to the person who made this comment last time around)
I mean, with a half life of several centuries, where's the rush? :-)
Insert
the safety systems of the bombs
Whuh? Does that mean someone can hand over a bomb to his adversary (under duress, perhaps), but neglect to tell him the safety's on? The first guy then pulls his reserve bomb out of his ankle holster and *blam* blows away the bad guy!
Why is it that many people who claim to support standards have such atrocious spelling and grammar?
Maybe the planet just wants plastic all to itself?
Kiteboarding Gear Mention slashdot and get 10% off!
Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs theme song
...
We're Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs
We love to thrash criminals and slice 'n' dice thugs!
We're totally radical, gnarly dudes,
Cowabunga homeboys with nothin' to lose
Our arch-enemies want us iodized
But they can't beat us 'cause we're merchandised!
(Iodizer: "DESTROY THEM!!")
Count off!
Picasso!
Warhol!
Rockwell!
Grandma Moses!
So kick back, dweebs, it's the end of our rhyme,
The show's gonna start and it's time to slime!
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
If god made humans in his image, does that mean he is also a weakling?
Nah, we just tell ourselves that to cover for the undeniable fact that we were scraped together at the end of the Creation project. And at that, using leftovers after the main project deliverable: implementing every imaginable variation on the the concept of "beetle".
And if that weren't enough to kick us in the anthropocentric nutes, it's clear we aren't even in the same league as termites, as measured by biomass or biodiversity. This caused some severe editing of the Creation story, particularly Genesis 1:25 - 1:31, which originally went something like this:
25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
26 And God said, We have checked our deliverables and Creation is complete; so let there be Slack; and God saw the Slack, that it was good, and God separated the productive phase of the Project from the mindless consumption of excess Resources.
27 And the Slack was fruitful of all manner of Diversions of surplus Resources; so God said, Let Us celebrate; and the Celebration begat the Kegger, and the Kegger begat Beer, and Beer begat all manner of amusing indiscretions. And God saw that these where more or less Harmless.
28 Then God noticed that the Project had this left-over mud, and this He fashioned into a Man; but there was not enough fuel left over to fire the clay, so when Man was half-baked, He breathed upon Man and brought him to life.
29 Then Man opened his eyes, and looking on God asked, are You Me? And God said no. Then looking around, Man asked, Is all this for Me? And God said, No, you are only the half-baked leftovers, but if you study Creation perhaps you can become full-baked. And Man thought that this was Bad, and set out to Improve on Matters.
30 So Man said,let there be Self-Serving Sophistry, and let there be Willful Ignorance; and these were fruitful beyond all Measure, and so begat Religion, Conformism, Bigotry and every manner of Officious Narrow-Mindedness. And Man thought these were Good, and he wrote his version of Events down so that none would ever challenge Conformity without Fear.
31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good, except for the bits that came after the Beer which in retrospect looked somewhat Doubtful. And God, seeing that Slack had used up the Resources He needed to Fix the Problem, said, Let there be Muddling Through; Let there be Counting On Things Working Out in the End. And seeing that these were not Satisfactory and He was over budget anyway, God said, Let there be Hope. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
Insert "what would ICBMs look like if women ran the Pentagon" joke here...
Endless arguments over trivial contradictions in books written by ignorant savages to explain thunder in the dark.
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
I always thought the MAD deterrent was, well, idiotic. Kind of in the same way as the following:
Edmund: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war in Europe, two superblocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent. That way there could never be a war.
Baldrick: But this is a sort of a war, isn't it, sir?
Edmund: Yes, that's right. You see, there was a tiny flaw in the plan.
George: What was that, sir?
Edmund: It was bollocks.
We won't know for sure until we open the box.
-- Alastair
Is your terror cell living in terror? Is your safe-house not so safe? If so, read the New York Times, the jihad journal.