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Telemarketers Use Emotionally Intelligent Software
eldavojohn writes "There's a new kind of software that's being used more and more. It's software that detects emotion and now it's being used in call centers. It's a $400 million industry according to Forrester Research that relies on volume, pitch and even the words & phrases being used. Are we inadvertently getting closer to software that can understand us by filling the needs of telemarketers who need to know when I'm upset that they just interrupted my dinner?"
I SAID PLEASE REMOVE ME!
I said I want to be removed from every single fracking list that your company uses to call people.
NO I DO NOT WANT TO SUBSCRIBE!
liqbase
return SELL_MORE;
}
Still skewed by the people motivating it.
- Kal`Goblez
Telemarketing conversations of the future:
Excuse me sir, would you be interested in..
I'm trying to eat dinner! Remove my number from your..
Thank you for your interest, if I may just have your social security number..
"No doubt one may quote history to support any cause, as the devil quotes scripture." - Learned Hand
automated telemarketer calls Phantom
*ring ring*
automatic secretary picks it up
"Hello, this is Phantom's answering service."
"I'd like to talk to Phantom."
"He's not in right now, may I take a message."
"This is QRX credit card services.."
answering service cuts off "He does *not* need another credit card"
"M'am, I can tell you are getting upset right now, but this is a really good deal."
"Cut the crap; NO!"
"Well, maybe you need some credit. He treat you well enough? Maybe we could keep that between the two of us.."
"tell me more..."
I'm not sure how we can use this new technology to further abuse telemarketers, but I have faith that the geeks of the world will find a way!
Personally, I think it would be useful to simply confuse the software by saying horrible things in honeyed tones. Especially things that use phrases that the programmers probably wouldn't have thought to include in the code to detect annoyance. "Sure, you can tell me about your companies products, after I force you to watch as I bathe in your offsprings viscera".
You know, ever since I dropped my land line and just stick with a cell phone, I kind of miss having telemarketers to abuse...guess I'll just stick to abusing spammers.
Famous Last Words: "hmm...wikipedia says it's edible"
one of the truly great oxymorons...
Generally, bash is superior to python in those environments where python is not installed.
I haven't tested this, but I've been told if you call Charter's main support number and drop the F-bomb you're immediately routed to tech support.
There is no reasonable defense against an idiot with an agenda
:wq
It will never be able to detect sarcasm.
Computer: ADD LiquidCooled TO EVERY LIST
Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
Are there chances to cause buffer overflows using low level words?
ERROR Please speak clearly.
Could not compute "Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all"
liqbase
But then how will we be able to hear quality calls such as this one?
I'll just use my special getting high powers one more time...
So will the telemarketers turn this emotional software on themselves?
Output:
Subject: Telemarketer
Aparent Emotion State: Cheerful
Real Emotional State: Depressed and soul crushed.
-Grey
Silver Clipboard: Time Management Tips
I don't know about Charter, but I do know that MSP (Medical Services Plan in canada) does this. For 15 minutes I tried to wrestle with the voice activated menus they have, and absolutely could not figure out how to speak to a representative. Well eventually I just got pissed and started swearing at the thing. It paused for a while, then said "Ok, a representative, one moment please"
:)
Best. system. ever.
>Customer Service == Inbound Call Center
Me: I've been on hold for 49 minutes, and you're the third unhelpful person I've talked to. You fucked up my order, and it's been a month since you promised to fix it. No! I don't want to place a new order. I WANT YOU LYING SHIT-WEASELS TO DO WHAT YOU PROMISED THREE MONTHS AGO. I've already told fifty people at work what rat-bastards you are, posted a 5000 word screed on your perverted business practices to 13 business related blogs, and I'm getting ready to tell the Taliban that your compnay is a front for an Israeli arms manufacturer.
Them: Sir, the software on my computer is informing me that you are beginning to be upset with my fine employer. Let me put you on hold while I see if I can't find someone to help you place a new order.
Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
"Hello, Microsoft Customer Service."
... I am sorry. The Windows software is only trying to protect you from piracy."
... Allow me to help. Windows is simply ensuring that you have a genuine, complete, unbroken copy of the software."
"Why is windows accusing me of stealing it?"
"Sir, I can see you're feeling... 'furious'
"Wha... what? How am I threatened by pirates?"
"I understand you are... 'confused'
"So windows is making sure I can use my computer by not allowing me to use it?"
"We simply want to ensure you do not accidentally have an illegal copy of windows from a source that is not trustworthy."
"You want me to prove I'm not guilty so that there's no chance you're not making money? Why you..."
"Sir, you seem to be feeling... Um, there are too many emotion words scrolling on the screen, I can't read them fast enough. Oh shit, I shouldn't have told you about the emotion words."
"I. Will. Kill. You. Dead."
"Ok, looks like we've settled on 'furious' again. Do you have a credit card handy? Sir?" (It looks like he hung up. Now the screen is telling me to lock the call center doors.)
That's what dupes are for.
...if you are getting angry.
Press the octothorpe if you are confused.
Repeatedly press 6 if you are impatient.
Press any key to be returned to our on hold music.
Have gnu, will travel.