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Bitlocker No Real Threat To Decryption?
An anonymous reader writes "The Register is running a story called 'Vista encryption 'no threat' to computer forensics'. The article explains that despite some initial concerns that lawbreakers would benefit from built-in strong encryption, it's unlikely the Bitlocker technology will slow down most digital forensic analysts. What kind of measures does one need to take to make sure no one but yourself has access to your data? Is Bitlocker just good enough (keeping out your siblings) or does it miss the whole purpose of the encryption entirely?" One would hope an international criminal mastermind could do better than the encryption built into Vista.
You are being MICROattacked, from various angles, in a SOFT manner.
Brain: Are you thinking what im thinking?
!
Pinky: I think so brain, but Vista locked up and we lost all the missle launch keys we stole from the NSA.
Brain: GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTEEEESSSS
just by knowing its no "real threat to decryption"
What kind of measures does one need to take to make sure no one but yourself has access to your data?
Do what works for pirates. Bury it.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
Just before leaving the house every day, I perform the following steps:
-----
ME (in Picard's voice):
Computer, establish a security
code for access to all data query
functions.
COMPUTER VOICE:
Enter code.
ME (in Picard's voice speaking at a breakneck speed):
Four, one, three, three, six,
eight, Tango, one, eight, one,
one, seven, one, Charlie, four,
Victor, three... eight, eight,
eight, zero, Foxtrot, six, one,
five, three, three, five, nine,
five, seven, lock.
COMPUTER VOICE:
Security code intact for all
data query functions.
-----
After that, it's just a matter of initiating a cascade force field sequence as I head out the door.
How can you sleep at night? you tease us with porn and the link doesn't even have porn!
...is encrypted and the bits past where files were are random...
Are you sure you didn't run it on your post?
There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those that can keep their train of thought,
One would hope an international criminal mastermind could do better than the encryption built into Vista.
Really? Personally, I would hope they write their plans on slips of paper and stash them in a shoe box. I really do not wish any success for criminal masterminds...except maybe Dr. Claw. I really thought Inspector Gadget was obnoxious.
My other computer is a Jacquard loom.
Change defaults.
qz
So _that's_ why the ??AA are having so much trouble backing up those statistics about unlawfully copied movies/CDs/etc.--the copies have all been buried!
Pinky never thinks what Brain thinks. It would be more like:
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but how are we going to find deep-fried pants at this hour?
Brain: I-- (sigh) just hand read me that encryption key from the screen there.
(Pinky is jumping back and forth and balancing on different pens, he falls backwards and hits the computer. Brain sighs at his own destiny of having to live with such a buffoon. Pinky dusts himself off.)
Brain: Where did you even get all those pens, anyway?
Pinky: Microsoft is giving them away! They sent ten free pens to every household in the world. (Confused) I'm not sure why, maybe because their computers are always breaking... you know, one time I was...
Brain: Nevermind that, Pinky. Just read me the encryption key from the monitor.
Pinky: What, you mean this TV doodad?
Brain: (sigh, sarcastically) Yes, Pinky. From the "TV doodad."
Pinky: Ooook, it says (pause)
Brain: Yes?
Pinky: Well that's what it says. It says (pause)
Brain: It says what, Pinky?
Pinky: Now I just told you what it says Brain, don't make me repeat myself!
Brain: (sighs, walks over to computer) What? No... No... (increasingly dismayed, anxious, ears/eyes droop down) This can't be... (Checks wires behind computer frantically)
Pinky: What's the matter, Brain? Is the TV thing gone cuckoo? I blame Rosie...
Brain: Quiet, you nitwit! I think Vista's frozen up. We've lost the encryption keys!
Pinky: Frozen Vista? Ooooooooooh what flavour is it Brain? Grape-a-melon? I loooove Grape-a-melon...
Brain: (sarcastically) Yes, Pinky, it's Grape-a-melon. (shakes head) Look, you know who's to blame for this, don't you?
Pinky: Ummmm.... The Flying Sausage People from the tea cup in outerspace?
Brain: (sigh) No, Pinky. (dramatically zooms in on his face) BILL GATES! He must've figured out we were trying to take over the world, and he wants it for himself!
Pinky: Gee, Brain, how'd you think he figured that out?
Brain: I don't know. Maybe he has a television and watches the fine Warner Brothers cartoon productions. (Pinky & Brain grin at camera)
(Commercial Break)
(Scene: Pinky and Brain riding the bus)
Pinky: Narf! Brain, where are we going again? Candycane Island?
Brain: (sigh) We're going to Redmond to find Bill Gates to steal his plan to take over the world!
Fat tourist passenger in front of them: That's funny! The wife and I are going to see their fabulous dog park!
Brain: I see. Would you excuse me a moment? (takes a magazine and makes a makeshift "wall" blocking the tourist's face from looking at him)
Pinky: (looking out window) Ooooooh, that's a big building! What's that?
Brain: (not looking) That's Microsoft Campus, and it's more than just a building--
Pinky: But what's that giant towering doodilly with the spinning whatchamacallit on top?
Brain: (looks out window) I told you, Pinky, it's-- Good Lord! Microsoft has built a mind control tower!
(Commerical Break)
(Scene: Bill Gates in Microsoft Mind Control Tower)
Gates: (Nerdish evil laugh) They said I was crazy! All those people that called me a nerd! (adjusts glasses, pocket protector) Well now we'll see who the nerd is!
Ballmer: (foaming at the mouth, shirt sweat-stained, resembling a dog more than a man) YEAH! GET 'EM BILL! GET 'EM! MAKE 'EM PAY! RRRRRRRRRRR!!! (throws chair)
(Gates looks over the control panel. There is a knob to hike the world's pants u
(evil grin)
Make the unlock code the microchip code for your evil, bad-tempered cat that scratches everyone but you. To unlock your computer, use a USB microchip reader to read your cat's details.
If you have to hand over your USB code to the authorities, just give them the cat.
It may not stop the authorities from accessing your data, but it will sure make it more interesting for them to do so. Especially if the unlock code is a hissing, spitting, scratching ball of feline fury.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke
"Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
Smart crooks sell Vista
And all the pieces fall into place...
Ever wondered what cretin was responsible for making you hold the power button in for about 10 seconds before the computer will turn off and why they did it? Now we know - the time betwen your door being knocked down and you knocking the computer off has a confortable 10 seconds (excluding reaction time) for you to be stopped built in...
Unless you hit reboot and then power - then it'll go down immediately. The fascists are foiled again!
FGD 135
Simply edit the bitlocker.conf file and make the following change:
Change the field:
ENCRYPT_KEY: ROT13
to
ENCRYPT_KEY: ROT12
[Insert pithy quote here]