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Drug Testing Entire Cities at Once

Ellis D. Tripp writes "Researchers have developed a technique for determining what illicit drugs people might be consuming in a given area, by testing a sample from the local sewage treatment plant. As little as a teaspoonful of untreated wastewater can reveal drug use patterns in a given community. Obviously, any drugs found can't be tied to any specific user, but how much longer until the drug warriors want to deploy automatic sampling units farther upstream of the sewage treatment plant?" From the article: "one fairly affluent community scored low for illicit drugs except for cocaine. Cocaine and ecstasy tended to peak on weekends and drop on weekdays, she said, while methamphetamine and prescription drugs were steady throughout the week."

34 of 562 comments (clear)

  1. but..... by ILuvRamen · · Score: 4, Funny

    what if someone flushes a bag of drugs cuz they know the police are gonna search their house? That'd make it look like 1000 people overdosed at once lol

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    Google's Super Secret Search Algorithm: SELECT @search_results FROM internet WHERE @search_results = 'good'
    1. Re:but..... by Leftist+Troll · · Score: 3, Funny

      The raw materials are plentiful and freely available in the form of fecal matter from the open sewers of Lusaka. This is then fermented in plastic bottles and the fumes are inhaled.

      Wow. Kinda makes huffing glue seem like sniffing cocaine off a striper's ass.

    2. Re:but..... by Zarluk · · Score: 4, Funny

      From now on, I'll pee in the garden ;-)

    3. Re:but..... by DiamondGeezer · · Score: 2, Funny

      After 20 litres of Coca Cola, you'll be too dead to care.

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      Tubby or not tubby. Fat is the question
    4. Re:but..... by Sponge+Bath · · Score: 3, Funny

      I don't think your pot plants will like that.

    5. Re:but..... by ObsessiveMathsFreak · · Score: 3, Funny

      Oh, how I wish that were true.

      --
      May the Maths Be with you!
    6. Re:but..... by JCSoRocks · · Score: 2, Funny

      I agree. Crack heads take the shortest perceived route between them and their next fix. Sometimes that route involves prostituting themselves or robbing someone. If all they have to do is drag their ass down to a "crack store" you better believe they're going to do it.

      The problem, however, isn't just that these people are desperate for these drugs, it's that some of these drugs make you insanely strong and insanely crazy. Basically you end up with a bunch of miniature incredible hulks running around high out of their minds f'ing people up. I agree that the drug war is a joke, and that we need to come up with a new solution. Just handing out drugs isn't though. DUI's and the like will skyrocket and then those people will just end up in jail anyway (for crimes other than drug possession).

      Maybe we should just deport them all to Mexico? Maybe we can work out an exchange. We ignore 5 illegals for every 1 addict we deport there. (FYI to angry people - that's a joke)

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  2. Utah results are in... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Results for Salt Lake City show very high levels of LDS

    1. Re:Utah results are in... by Entropius · · Score: 2, Funny

      Sadly LDS has a high vapor pressure in its concentrated form, and we're smelling the fumes as far south as southern Arizona.

  3. And most importantly by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    They'll also be able to tell if your city is pregnant

    1. Re:And most importantly by LeadfootCA · · Score: 5, Funny

      Congratulations, it's a suburb!

  4. Easily Defeated by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    This is easily defeated using old technology -- go behind a TREE!

  5. Stupidity reaching new lows by infonography · · Score: 5, Funny

    This drug war foolishness is getting out of hand.

    My standing policy for piss testing is they have to collect it orally if they want if from me. Hot from the pipe.

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    Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
  6. I blame... by MrFishyFish · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... the drug taking sewer habiting alligators, always trying to ruin our fun.

    On another note, I wonder if its possible to get a high of this water, and I worry about what the sharks with lasers might do when the rivers flow into the sea.

  7. city drug tests by AndOne · · Score: 1, Funny

    Wouldn't it be swell if these city wide drug tests revealed how much Americans just love their drugs and the whole silly war on drugs was called off on account of it being a hideous ineffective activity that probably creates more problems than it solves. Then again given that it was created to "stop blacks and asians from raping the white women" (tongue firmly in cheek) and to control the hippies... (history channel drug week is fun)

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  8. They can have my shit ... by bcrowell · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.

  9. Re:Tracing Of Users? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    From now on I'm only relieving myself on the neighbor's lawn.

  10. My Patent Announcement by erroneus · · Score: 2, Funny

    A urinal with a charcoal filter! ...and the follow-up patent, "A urinal with a charcoal filter... on the internet."

  11. what's it called? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Affluent effluent?

  12. Hey Man, by Rdickinson · · Score: 2, Funny

    Can I use your toilet , dude?

    Whoooaa....

  13. Note to drug users: by SMacD · · Score: 2, Funny

    You already look like a moron when you're high, so just do your business in your pants. So you wont get caught.

  14. Whitehouse vs Outhouse by flyingfsck · · Score: 3, Funny

    They should test the outflow from the Whitehouse and Capitol...

    --
    Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
    1. Re:Whitehouse vs Outhouse by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      They should test the outflow from the Whitehouse and Capitol... -- My God! Its full of Bugs!

      The shit coming out of the Whitehouse is full of bugs?

  15. Re:Pssssssst by Farmer+Tim · · Score: 2, Funny

    No, I think only a small sample will do.

    Gives a new meaning to "stool pigeon", doesn't it?

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    Blank until /. makes another boneheaded UI decision.
  16. "one fairly affluent community ..." by Bigger+R · · Score: 1, Funny

    "one fairly affluent community..."

    Don't you mean "effluent"?

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    Beta only seems to work for Google. Such a shame.
  17. Re:The drug profile of my neighborhood's sewage by thc69 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Please allow me to take this opportunity to agree with you.

    Mmmm....tequila.

    Next slashdot poll: Favorite tequila
      - Cabo Wabo
      - Oro Azul
      - Don Julio
      - Jose Ceurvo
      - Sauza
      - CabelleroNeal

    --
    Procrastination -- because good things come to those who wait.
  18. And this was posted by none other than.... by zuki · · Score: 4, Funny

    Original Post Submitted By -> Ellis D. Tripp

    This is just pure coincidence, right?

    Z.

  19. I took a massive dose of LDS... by AmazingRuss · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...at a Judas Priest show in Salt Lake City. Caused me to see legions of wide-bottomed, watery eyed blond folks in suits on ten speeds.

    I'll never touch the stuff again.

  20. New York, you're BUSted! by swschrad · · Score: 2, Funny

    all New Yorkers will get their scheduled 10 hour stay at Riker's Island in the mail tomorrow.

    don't laugh, Pittsburgh, you're next.

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    if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
  21. Re:Tracing Of Users? by Chris+Pimlott · · Score: 4, Funny

    Oh boy, I smell the premise for a new episode of Law & Order...

  22. Re:Tracing Of Users? by NMerriam · · Score: 5, Funny

    There are two separate, yet equally important bodily functions...

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    Recursive: Adj. See Recursive.
  23. Re:The drug profile of my neighborhood's sewage by commodoresloat · · Score: 2, Funny

    Corzo!!!
    Followed perhaps by Corazon, then Milagro....

    Please, take Sammy Hagar's tequila off your list. Never drink tequila with a rhyming name.

  24. Re:ADD by bazorg · · Score: 4, Funny

    maybe they all met at the clinic

  25. Re:How can we end this war? by Bozdune · · Score: 2, Funny

    Jesus, I'd just love to see the user interfaces *you* cook up!