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Shaolin Monks May Sue Over Tale of Defeat by Ninja
Socguy writes "A unique story on the CBC website details an even more unusual conflict. A Chinese Shaolin temple has demanded an apology from 'an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown.' A letter from the members of the temple, posted on the Internet on Thursday, denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim under the name "Five minutes every day" to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters. Monks from the temple, which is located in the Songshan Mountain region of the Henan province, said they will consider legal action if he or she doesn't make a public apology."
Someone just won at Internet trolling.
Hear that, Slashdot trolls? When you get written up by Reuters, that's when you've arrived.
The monks also stated that this alleged ninja must be produced for execution by means of the five-point palm exploding heart technique.
Ninjas couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper sack.
This is just a cover story to draw attention away from the fact that several Shaolin Temples, were in fact, recently plundered by pirates.
Pirates rule.
What the hell do the Pirates have to say about all of this?
The eternal struggle of good vs. evil begins within one's self.
They're just threatening early to discourage people from getting the truth out about the Chuck Norris showdown.
1. Record the event
2. Post on YouTube
3. Have Large TV network steal it
4. Post that on YouTube
5. Get sued by TV network
6. Now you are a Pirate and can surely kick Ninja ass...
7. Profit (if you win the lawsuit).
TC - My Photos..
"I'm sorry but theres only one possible answer to all this"
Ninjas descend from ceiling and take a stance.
"Round one! FIGHT!"
[Much later]
And then, just as it seemed the fighting would come to a conclusion, a ship flying a skull and cross bones moored at the local pier...
"I may be full of crap about this game, and I may be wrong, and that's fine." -Jack Thompson
Ballmer, in the temple, with the chair.
Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see things thou dost not.--King Lear
Rest assured that if the internet posting was about a *LAWYER* singlehandedly defeating and laying waste to all of the shaolin temple, there would be no refutal at all!
A lawyer would simply get end up showing prior art and a patent-in-progress filed on all of their techniques and get an injunction against the shaolin monks practicing their kung-fu!
Fear the deadly powers of a *LAWYER*!!!
These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.
Facts:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Especially note 3 above. The Ninjas probably just went to the Shaolin Temple to talk about tea n shit, and then they just totally flipped out and killed all the monks.
Anyway, here is some more things about Ninjas.
Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.
Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.
Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)
- Nothing to see hear.
If he retracts his statement, he'll have a bunch of angry ninjas after him. If he doesn't retract, he's got a whole temple of kung-fu masters on his ass. I can't imagine a more troubling situation.
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"The parties are advised to chill."
On the other hand, Buddhist monks spend a decent amount of their studies on the subject of humor, so maybe this is simply the single greatest cultural practical joke ever perpetrated...a Zen masterpiece.
All the techniques ever used to make men moral have been themselves thoroughly immoral... (Nietzsche)
why not ask a ninja?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehQo7s_02sc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEmss2lg-ug
Shaolin Lawyer... coming to a cinema near you.
Even Shaolin Monks have to be scared of something.
... until you can snatch the pebble from my palm, you will be pursued by lawyers and other creatures of the night.
I wonder what kind of process server Shaolin monks would use to serve notice to a ninja? I seems this might be the basis for a TV sitcom, with each episode having the hapless process server falling back to devise a new approach to sneak up on the ninja and serve the papers.
Lawyers? Hah. My monkeys will eat your legal documents and poop on your expensive shoes.
Fear the monkeys!
You are doing it wrong if you can't do sticky hand practice without a partner.
"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours." -- Yogi Berra
I heard there was this one *LAWYER* who just totally flipped out and started sueing people. There was guys that weren't even involved and he sued them before they could even get ready. He even sued pirates...
Remember:
FACT - laywers are mammals
FACT - laywers totally flip out all the time
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Well, if my kung fu education based on bruce lee movies serves, they have all renounced violence and are living in remorse for all the lives they've taken, and it will only be after this legal action fails at restoring their honor that they will be forced to once again use their deadly skills to their intended effect.
Pfft. Just give Chuck Norris M16 rounds.
Fnord.
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
You foolish children, shaolin monks, ninjas, pirates, and monkeys are NOTHING compared to the horrendous and frighteningly destructive power of those godless killing machines without a soul....
BEARS!
*runs away*
This is my sig. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Any movie with Ninjas in it is called a "documentary" you insensitive clod!
I hate printers.