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Vista Pirates To Get "Black Screen of Darkness"

Posted by kdawson on from the there-goes-china dept.

jcatcw writes "Microsoft has just turned on Reduced Functionality mode, worldwide, and sent a letter to OEMs explaining the consequences of Vista piracy. These include a black screen after 1 hour of browsing, no start menu or task bar, and no desktop. Using fear as a motivator, the email warns resellers to 'make sure your customers always get genuine Windows Vista preinstalled.'"

14 of 873 comments (clear)

  1. Insult to injury by Average_Joe_Sixpack · · Score: 5, Funny

    Isn't using Vista enough punishment in itself?

  2. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 5, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  3. Just Now? by Joe+Jordan · · Score: 5, Funny

    Microsoft has just turned on Reduced Functionality mode, worldwide
    I thought they already did that with the release of Vista?

    Sorry, it was too easy.
  4. Black Screen of Darkness by smittyoneeach · · Score: 5, Funny

    Black Screen of Darkness Assails the knave
    Defend yourself
    With your shaving glaive
    And the white foam of truth:
    Burma Shave

    --
    Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see things thou dost not.--King Lear
  5. Buy the software or suffer the consequences by Kildjean · · Score: 5, Funny

    Good afternoon, as of this week, Microsoft has activated a function in Vista called 'Reduced Functionality.' This is a specific function in Vista that effectively disables nongenuine copies of Windows. Therefore anyone who has a pirated copy of Vista will experience:

    "The Need to move to Mac OS X"

    --
    Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d encule de ta mere.
  6. Re:WGA server downtime? by mangoshake · · Score: 5, Funny

    And what if the WGA server is down again? I have my popcorn ready.
  7. Irony by Just+some+bastard · · Score: 5, Funny

    anyone who has a pirated copy of Vista will experience:

    A black screen after one hour of browsing
    No start menu or task bar
    No desktop

    Vista may actually be usable like that. Why aren't Microsoft sharing this upgrade with their paying customers?
  8. Re:2007, the year of linux. by betterunixthanunix · · Score: 5, Funny
    I used to think the "Year of Linux" would be when the following people were using a Linux system:

    • My Grandmother
    • My Girlfriend
    • My Mother
    But they are all Linux users now, and amazingly it was out of need. The family wanted a way to see me live when I was in far away places (which is most of the time now) and to defeat the shitty Verizon DSL firewall, I used a Linux solution. The girlfriend needed her laptop's battery life to be very long, and Fedora outlasts Vista by almost 3 hours.

    So here is the revised list:

    • My parakeet
    • My goldfish
    • Andrew Tenenbaum
    --
    Palm trees and 8
  9. Re:Unintended Consequences by Locutus · · Score: 5, Funny

    If Microsoft does not shut down the networking on this 'nongenuine' machine than they also just provided alot more CPU resources to the botnet owner. Just think what resources have been freed up by killing the Windows desktop and task bar.

    I wonder if the Accept/Deny dialogs will still pop up asking the user to allow installing software to view naked Portman pictures? ;-)

    LoB

    --
    "Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me." --Linus
  10. Re:and by jollyreaper · · Score: 5, Funny

    thats if the "blue screen" doesn't get to you first Don't taunt the Microsoft. You piss them off enough, you'll get the pink screen of OMGPONIEZ!
    --
    Kwisatz Haderach
    Sell the spice to CHOAM
    This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
  11. Re:Unintended Consequences by mhall119 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "This is further evidence that Microsoft products are harmful to all consumers."

    Fixed that for you.

    --
    http://www.mhall119.com
  12. Re:"Copyright infringement". by Craig+Maloney · · Score: 5, Funny

    Actually, I think Microsoft should force the user to download security patches. I know most people I talk to think that waiting for software patches is punishment, especially over a slow modem.

    "You are required to download 900MB of patches. Estimated time until completed is 8 hours, 23 minutes. Allow us to stream this anti-piracy movie while your computer is inaccessible. Download time now increased to 10 hours, 42 minutes".

  13. Re:This should end well by BronsCon · · Score: 5, Funny

    Well that's because people want popular software to work as well as it's going to straight out of the box.
    Don't forget, the rule of twos:

    With windows, it works for two hours and never again.

    With Linux, it takes two hours to get it working, then you never have to fuss with it again.

    With Mac, you spend two hours finding and app that does what you need, but it "just works".


    Going for +5 Funny and falling far short.
    --
    APK quotes people (including myself) without context and should not be trusted. Just thought you should know.
  14. Re:"Copyright infringement". by wanderingknight · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Let us play this MP3 file you've got here. Whoops! Download time now increased to 13 hours, 15 minutes."