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Chuck Norris Sues Publisher, Tears Don't Cure Cancer

Google85 writes "Chuck Norris sued publisher Penguin on Friday over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical Internet list of "mythical facts" about him. The book capitalizes on "mythical facts" that have been circulating on the Internet since 2005 that poke fun at Norris' tough-guy image and super-human abilities, the suit said."

12 of 374 comments (clear)

  1. I'll try to get first post... by ergean · · Score: 5, Funny

    but Chuck Norris is already there.

    1. Re:I'll try to get first post... by FlyingSquidStudios · · Score: 5, Funny

      Threads? When Chuck Norris posts, they're chains.

    2. Re:I'll try to get first post... by K.+S.+Kyosuke · · Score: 5, Funny

      Chuck Norris does NOT post, the threads post to Him!
      Except for Soviet Russia, where the second reversal makes things normal again.
      --
      Ezekiel 23:20
  2. Re:Good luck with that... by xtracto · · Score: 5, Funny

    by PhearoX (1187921) Alter Relationship on 09:11 AM December 23rd, 2007
    Chuck is a fool to file suit unless this book reaches the point of slander.

    Please, we should observe a minute of silence for Mr. PhearoX. As, calling Chuck Norris a fool was his last action in this world.

    RIP

    --
    Ubuntu is an African word meaning 'I can't configure Debian'
  3. Re:Actually, I'm afraid, it might get all worse... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    You know why Justice is blind?

    She crossed Chuck Norris.

  4. Re:You can't handle the truth... by Anomolous+Cowturd · · Score: 5, Funny

    The truth can't handle Chuck Norris.

    --
    Software patents delenda est.
  5. Re:Actually, I'm afraid, it might get all worse... by weicco · · Score: 5, Funny

    Well there's already a joke about it.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    --
    You don't know what you don't know.
  6. Chuck Norris... by djupedal · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...generates his own gravitational field.

    ...doesn't bend spoons w/his mind - he shits them out, all shiny and new, as needed.

    ...once completely sucked a man's eyeball clear out of the socket during a fight in the Philippines - optic never and all. He then spit it out into his hand, handed it to the poor bloke and whispered "I'm betting you NEVER look at me the same way ever again, Hector!"

    ...was born a woman, but decided early on he liked the thought of having hair on his back, so he willed himself into becoming the man is he today.

    ...took-off and landed a shot-up Cessna that had lost its landing gear simply by sticking his feet out of the cabin doors.

    ...chewed his own hand off to get out of hand-cuffs during a hostage situation that involved migrating pygmies. He then sewed it back on, using hair off his back as thread and a straightened paper clip - he burned a hole in one end of the paper clip by stacking disposable contacts onto his left eye, while looking at the clip and staring into the Sun.

    ...once rode a motorcycle backwards uphill in the desert for thirty-five miles in the dark...blind-folded. Of course drunk and with a bladder full of oxygenated white wine.

    ...made long distance phone calls in the 1980's using nothing but his vocal cords to hack the tone-controlled switchbanks.

    ...invented OBEs.

  7. Re:Good luck with that... by budgenator · · Score: 5, Funny

    PhearoX. is Mr. T in disguise and Mr. T can call anybody a fool.

    --
    Apocalypse Cancelled, Sorry, No Ticket Refunds
  8. Re:It's satire at worst by nametaken · · Score: 5, Funny

    OMG you're so dead.

  9. Case closed! by quick2think · · Score: 5, Funny

    When Chuck Norris sues, he brings the verdict, not the charges.

  10. Re:Looks great but by Tikkun · · Score: 5, Funny

    Chuck Norris would never run Linux, but if he did the license would change from the GPL to the CNL.

    Why wouldn't Chuck Norris run Linux? Because he can just put an Ethernet cable in his mouth and talk directly to the Internet.