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Dealing With Dialup

An anonymous reader writes "It looks like my parents may end up stuck having to use dialup to access the Internet from their cottage inside the Cape Cod National Seashore. Neither Comcast nor Verizon want to bother upgrading the hardware required to get them faster service. They could put a satellite dish on their roof, but it's a 300-year-old house and they feel a dish would be as prohibitively ugly as running dedicated lines would be prohibitively expensive. I've suggested they get familiar with a text-only email client; I also suggested they talk with their senators and local political reps. , Are there other ways they can increase the functionality despite the pitiful bandwidth? Any other good ideas? Any success stories you can share where people have finally got the bandwidth they crave?"

82 of 588 comments (clear)

  1. pda? by Pvt.+Cthulhu · · Score: 3, Informative

    if email is the biggest issue, a pda that gets wireless intarwebs from cell towers could be the solution. i hears talk that their making ones that are actually faster than wired broadband.

    1. Re:pda? by zoney_ie · · Score: 5, Informative

      I don't know what it is like in the US, but here in Ireland we have 3G services, that the government even include in statistics as "broadband" connections. However, they do not actually provide good speeds in practice for most, as the service does not handle increased users well - the cell bandwidth gets divided out between the users and so just 20 or so means worse than dial-up speed and useless QoS. At the worst times it can be faster to switch to GPRS (2.5G)

      Maybe Edge or whatever is used in the US is better, although I believe the top theoretical speeds are lower even if they do deliver better speed in practice.

      ----

      As regards the OP question of how to cope with dial-up, I highly recommend NoScript for Firefox. Greatly reduces the load time for webpages (at least in my experience of seeing it on a browser using dual-channel ISDN). It by default blocks the worst web content - flash and javascript (e.g. loading graphics and animations from 3rd party ad servers). Simpler and more useful than Adblock, also fairer for website owners as you are not blocking ads specifically - just not handling certain types of content. You can easily whitelist javascript for domains for which it is essential.

      For email, set up your email client (it doesn't need to be text only) to leave the emails on the email server - you can choose which ones to open up and download, and delete junk without downloading.

      For downloading, it is useful to use a download client that can pause and resume downloads, or handle interruptions.

      Two-way satellite works great except for the latency. You could always have the dish on the ground out in the garden if the house or shrubs etc. don't shadow the signal. Two-way sat has the advantage of being "always on" and you don't have the time-based billing of dial-up, also usable for downloading large amounts of data.

      --
      -- *~()____) This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds...
    2. Re:pda? by bgat · · Score: 2, Informative

      Two-way satellite works great except for the latency. You could always have the dish on the ground out in the garden if the house or shrubs etc. don't shadow the signal. Indeed, satellite is a great option here unless you're a user of interactive, gaming-type protocols. Shrubs, etc. *do* block the signal, but the allowable distance between the LNB (a.k.a. "antenna") and receiver/decoder (a.k.a. "box") can be pretty generous, so put the antenna behind a tree. Just be absolutely sure to use a very sturdy pole set in concrete, otherwise wind, etc. will move the dish enough to take down your link on environmentally-challenged days. A nearby shed that blocks the wind, snow, etc. is ideal.

      You could also consider a mesh 802.11 network, but that would (a) probably be as high-latency as satellite, albeit with similar bandwidth, and (b) require cooperation from neighbors, so that your packets could hop to somewhere that connected to the 'tubes.

      If you have Edge et. al, give them a try, especially with Sprint's new all-you-can-eat plan. I know that when my Treo can get that kind of signal, it's pretty impressive. Not ADSL-impressive, but definitely a step up from dialup. And a whole lot easier to install (USB modem)...
      --
      b.g.
    3. Re:pda? by ProfessionalCookie · · Score: 2, Informative
      A few notes:

      1. No Script won't always make things faster. Small, compressible AJAX scripts often save me loading a whole page. The most recent version of /. for example is way, way easier for dialup users with scripts enabled. So yeah- bug whitelist if you go with no scripts. Adblock is probably more appropriate (thought I don't use it)

      It's ridiculous to suggest text mode only unless it's less that say 24000kbps. 2. Email. Just use POP or IMAP in offline mode and have it ask before downloading big messages, I choose 300k. At least Apple mail does this well ("Subject, from sender@domain is 1.3MB, Delete, Skip or Download")- I'd bet that thunderbird does too. On a slow connection you want a local copy of messages.

      Or use Gmail's Web Interface and leave it open. It takes a minute to load the first time but after that it's excellent for dialup users.

      3.

      Satellite... also usable for downloading large amounts of data

      This is totally untrue. Have you read satellite provider's Fair Access Policy. $50/mo+$250 equiptment will get you all of about 7.5GB/30 day rolling period WildBlue. This year they changed their throttling policy to not only slow you down if you exceed, but they actually give you intermittent service until you fall to 70% FAP threshold. That means that if you downloaded the full 7.5GB in three days, you've shot yourself for a whole month. If you're on satellite monitor your own bandwidth!

      4. So in summary dialup isn't a death sentence. Ajax is often helpful. Order your distros on CD. Save your email for offline access. Satellite considered dangerous.

      The most important thing is to find an ISP that won't cancel your Unlimited account or demand additional fees for high usage. I uses Lanset (Please pardon their home page- bleh!). They kick me off if I've been on for 8 hours straight, but they don't mind if I reconnect. My connection is active probably 20 hours a day.

      I'm writing this on a 31.3kbps connection. I also have a ProPak account with wildblue- but it's on the other side of the mountain.

      PS Cell data service is definitely worth checking out if available. We don't have cell service here either.

    4. Re:pda? by ProfessionalCookie · · Score: 2, Funny

      Oops- 31.2kbps. Wouldn't want myself to get a big head.

    5. Re:pda? by electrictroy · · Score: 3, Informative

      (1) Get a satellite dish. "It's ugly" is an invalid excuse, especially since the dish could be mounted in the backyard where no one can see it. Maybe fill it with water to make an attractive birdbath (I'm joking). But seriously a dish in your yard looks better than some of the things I've seen sitting in people's lawns!

      (2) Get Netscape ISP. It uses text & image compression to increase effective speeds upto 1000 kbit/s. While traveling I can load pages almost as fast with Netscape Dialup as with my home DSL.

      (3) Another option is to select "don't load images" in Firefox or Internet Exploder.

      As you can see from my signature, using dialup is not a tragedy. All of us had dialup from circa 1980 to 2000 and we survived. Your parents can too.

      --
      The government is not your daddy. Its purpose is not to raid middle-class neighbors' wallets and give it to you.
    6. Re:pda? by Sancho · · Score: 4, Insightful

      All of us had dialup from circa 1980 to 2000 and we survived. This is like saying, "My grandpa earned $200 a month, and he got by ok!"

      Times changes. Bandwidth inflation is a serious problem. Web pages don't clock in at under 10k anymore.
    7. Re:pda? by cayenne8 · · Score: 4, Informative
      "Times changes. Bandwidth inflation is a serious problem. Web pages don't clock in at under 10k anymore."

      I agree. In the article, it kind of joked about getting used to a 'text email' client. Why is this a joke? Email is SUPPOSED to be text only, and somehow along the way, we've bastardized it into all kinds of HTML, with images, fugly wallpaper, etc...

      Geez...it is now taking a couple of 'K' to send a simple 2 line email these days.

      I try to keep all my email clients set to text only...both for receiving and sending. Last time I was forced to use Outlook...I couldn't easily get it set to do text only both ways...

      Why isn't this set by default?

      --
      Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
    8. Re:pda? by electrictroy · · Score: 4, Insightful

      >>>"This is like saying, "My grandpa earned $200 a month, and he got by ok!"

      Alright. Well I'm using 56k right now in the year 2008, and I seem to be surviving just fine. (Read my sig now if you did not do it last time.) I also use S-VHS, audio cassette, listen to analog radio stations, and take notes with a pen and paper. They all work just fine for my needs.

      I used to think I needed the best, but after seeing minidisc fail, digital cassette fail, laserdisc fail, and so on, I've grown a little more cynical about the "need" for the latest technology. I'm starting to suspect these new formats are pushed by corporations just so they can suck money out of our wallets. Pretty soon (circa 2020) they'll probably be announcing a new format that handles 10,000i video, and why we need to throw-out our old video collection.

      BACK ON POINT: Dialup works just fine for surfing the net.

      --
      The government is not your daddy. Its purpose is not to raid middle-class neighbors' wallets and give it to you.
    9. Re:pda? by Sancho · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I saw your sig, but it wasn't germane to the point. The point was that your "back in my day, we did X, so you can get by with X, too" is logically fallacious.

      To most people dial-up is just not acceptable. You seem to have made it a point to get by with decades-old technology--bully for you--but that isn't what most people want.

    10. Re:pda? by jank1887 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I find adblock to give the biggest boost in page-load speed compared to anything else. Just the mass reduction in server calls for 30 different webmetric and add servers and whatnot just for a single front page is insane. I spend more time waiting for servers to respond than for the page to download

    11. Re:pda? by colourmyeyes · · Score: 3, Funny

      70% FAP threshold. Some days I reach this before noon! Maybe I need to FAP less often.
      --
      My grandmother used anecdotal evidence all the time, and she lived to be 120 years old.
    12. Re:pda? by sjames · · Score: 2, Insightful

      It's not set by default because most people like to have the options of using bold, italic, colors, etc.

      Personally, I like having the option to read it on whatever device I have available without invoking a browser or OOffice. I'm not against attachments as such, just against sending a bunch of extra crap that has nothing to do with the information the email is meant to convey to me so it "looks nice". It DOESN'T look nice, it wastes my time and resources and that is certainly NOT nice.

      Image you want me to look at? Go ahead and attach it with a quick note in text telling me what it is. Document I need to read? Attach it with a text note. Quick note? If you put it in a Word document and attach it, I'll probably delete it unread.

      If I wanted to read your email with a flowery wallpaper background, I'd have configured it in my mail client.

      As a nice side benefit to the way I read email viruses, tracker bugs, and image spams don't work at all.

    13. Re:pda? by Moridineas · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Personally, I like having the option to read it on whatever device I have available without invoking a browser or OOffice. And sending html stops you from reading it? Usually email clients will send plain text and html. Besides, many newer mobile devices can read html email without having to go to OO.org or a browser. (OO.org??)

      I'm not against attachments as such, just against sending a bunch of extra crap that has nothing to do with the information the email is meant to convey to me so it "looks nice". It DOESN'T look nice, it wastes my time and resources and that is certainly NOT nice. Ok, again, that's great for you--nobody is making you send messages that way. I don't understand why you care if other people send messages the way they want to though? Look at your snail mail, people send pictures, elaborate formats, etc all the time...should that be banned too because it is "a bunch of extra crap that has nothing to do with the information" etc etc? Should books never be allowed to have chapterheads or bold or italic or illustrations etc because it is a bunch of extra crap?

      It's email, it's a medium, that's it, there's no higher philosophical value for sending spartan emails, it's just personal preference. (and one linked highly to geekness!)

      Image you want me to look at? Go ahead and attach it with a quick note in text telling me what it is. Document I need to read? Attach it with a text note. Quick note? If you put it in a Word document and attach it, I'll probably delete it unread. This is really a complete non-sequitur as email attachments have been around a long time--before html email i would imagine.

      As a nice side benefit to the way I read email viruses, tracker bugs, and image spams don't work at all. I thought pretty much all email readers now didn't load images from unknown senders or spam identified messages?
    14. Re:pda? by sjames · · Score: 2, Informative

      And sending html stops you from reading it? Usually email clients will send plain text and html. Besides, many newer mobile devices can read html email without having to go to OO.org or a browser. (OO.org??)

      How many of them can read the MS Office files some clueless people send instead of email text? You say usually, but I find that too many people select html only.

      I don't understand why you care if other people send messages the way they want to though? Look at your snail mail, people send pictures, elaborate formats, etc all the time...should that be banned too because it is "a bunch of extra crap that has nothing to do with the information" etc etc? Should books never be allowed to have chapterheads or bold or italic or illustrations etc because it is a bunch of extra crap?

      I care because I'm the one who has it clogging up my inbox. If you can't tell the difference between a few snapshots in snail-mail from a friend or reletive (which actually ARE part of the message) and a 15MB email for less than 1 K worth of text, here's a comparison for you. You recieve a 27 cubic foot package stuffed full of old newspapers and packing peanuts. In the bottom is a postcard that says "hows it going?". You receive an average of 5 of those a day.

      As for the extra crap that's stuffed into every bill and junk mail, then YES, it should be banned. All it does is clog up my trash can.

      If you can't tell the difference between a book and a note on the fridge, I can't help you. I think it should have been fairly clear from my posting that if you're sending me an e-book (not a postcard), go ahead and attach it.

      Image you want me to look at? Go ahead and attach it with a quick note in text telling me what it is. Document I need to read? Attach it with a text note. Quick note? If you put it in a Word document and attach it, I'll probably delete it unread. This is really a complete non-sequitur as email attachments have been around a long time--before html email i would imagine.

      Have some coffee and read my post again. The abve was fairly clear and which comes first has nothing to do with it.

      I thought pretty much all email readers now didn't load images from unknown senders or spam identified messages?

      The whole point of image spam is to bypass spam detection by stuffing the real text of the message into an image. Most spam filters don't do OCR.

    15. Re:pda? by Iron+Condor · · Score: 2, Insightful

      [...] there are some legitimate reasons to attach very large files.

      No, not really. Attaching a very large file to an email is an act of desperation, borne out of a lack of appropriate mechanisms to transport the information at hand. I think you might want to rethink your procedures.

      --
      We're all born with nothing.
      If you die in debt, you're ahead.
  2. Get a USB Modem by The+Mutant · · Score: 2, Informative

    We've had problems with our broadband being capped down to dial up speeds from time to time (Virgin sux), and I purchased one of those USB Modem sticks.

    Speed isn't super fast, about 750MBS, but it does the job.

    We're Mac users and have one in each room. We put the USB modem on an iMac, configure it to share its internet connection via airport, and we're happy.

    1. Re:Get a USB Modem by richy+freeway · · Score: 2, Informative

      That's not the point I'm making. I'm with Virgin for my cable broadband as well. They have in place a cap that kicks in between 4pm and 9pm if you download over a certain amount that day. This limits your up and down stream. If someone on your network has a P2P app running that eats up all the upstream the whole connection will feel like dialup speeds.

  3. Wireless broadband by Peter+Simpson · · Score: 4, Informative

    There are some companies offering (expensive) wireless broadband on 5 GHz. Maybe not on the tip of the Cape, though. When I checked, they were priced like T1s...prohibitively expensive.

    I'm guessing they're not able to get DSL.

    There's also the possibility of using WiFi access points and directional antennas to create a point-to-point link with someone who has broadband. I did this for my brother and it works well, just need that person willing to share their broadband connection.

    1. Re:Wireless broadband by Bert64 · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Or someone who doesn't have broadband but *can* get it...
      I used to live just out of range for ADSL, so i found someone down the street who could get it and offered to pay for it and give them use of it in exchange for wireless access to it.

      --
      http://spamdecoy.net - free throwaway anonymous email - avoid spam!
    2. Re:Wireless broadband by D.A.+Zollinger · · Score: 5, Insightful

      There is a solution no one has yet mentioned, ISDN. All POTS companies are required to offer it, and provide it at a decent rate. It won't compare to DSL or Cable, but it is a hell of a lot better than dial up. (Up to 128Kbps)


      Rates for a Basic Rate Interface (BRI) should be similar to a standard phone connection, and with modern dial-up modem banks, just about any company that offers dial-up should offer ISDN access. From there, you would have to purchase an ISDN modem for your parents - I personally like 3Com's Office Connect ISDN LAN Modem for the features it provides. The upshot to this solution is that like DSL your parents can use the internet and receive phone calls simultaneously.


      --
      I haven't lost my mind!
      It is backed up on disk...somewhere...
    3. Re:Wireless broadband by yuna49 · · Score: 2, Informative

      Because the property is located inside the National Seashore, various other restrictions come into play. Even simple renovations on these properties involve a lot of permitting and negotiations intended to preserve the character of the Seashore lands.

  4. Take a realistic approach by BadAnalogyGuy · · Score: 5, Interesting

    The first thing they should probably look into is shared wireless broadband multiplexing. By synchronizing and RSI-ing home wifi routers across whole neighborhoods, it should be possible to create a large enough mesh in which a communal network is created. By then expanding the reach of such a mesh network through the growth of the group itself (through more community members adding themselves to the network by physically adding newly-bought routers) and through the use of technologies like WiMax, it should be possible to reach an internet logon node. At that point, it's pretty much elementary, my dear Watson, to get a working link up.

    The benefit is that as the community grows and more benefits appear for each user, the cumulative benefits become attractive to those who were at first unwilling or wary of such a mesh. When they start joining, they provide their own routers which in turn makes the mesh stronger, more resilient to single-point failures, and simply more stable for everyone.

    There are plenty of companies providing this type of solution, but the best that I've found (and seen implemented in various small towns across the US) have been home-grown. Good luck to your parents!

    1. Re:Take a realistic approach by weijiao · · Score: 2, Informative

      Go with the flow :-) Use mobile websites where possible eg http://m.gmail.com./ Many websites still have have text pages - use them.

      Ordinary email clients, such as Thunderbird work well at dialup speeds.

  5. Uh, get the dish or quit crying. by Shivetya · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Sorry, they don't want a dish because it might ruin the looks? Put it on a pole. This sounds the classic NIMBY crap we always get from this corner of the country. Then to top it off, since no company wants to spend the fortune it would cost to serve a few customers you want me (aka the guy who funds the government with the help of a bunch of other income earners) to pay for it?

    Look, there may be wireless solutions in the future. I also do just fine with my email over dial up when necessary (just don't let it download anything with attachments).

    DIAL UP IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

    Your parents have an open solution by a provider. (satellite) Obviously the looks of their house is more important than high speed internet.

    Whats next on /.? Being forced to live with old single core processors?

    --
    * Winners compare their achievements to their goals, losers compare theirs to that of others.
    1. Re:Uh, get the dish or quit crying. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      I have a single core processor, you insensitive clod!

    2. Re:Uh, get the dish or quit crying. by Weh · · Score: 4, Funny

      have you told the UN about this? obviously your human rights are being violated!

    3. Re:Uh, get the dish or quit crying. by rjames13 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Me too maybe we should get together and build a Beowulf cluster?

    4. Re:Uh, get the dish or quit crying. by TeknoHog · · Score: 3, Funny

      I have dual core processor. Apparently means that each processor contains two processors. With a little recursion, there's no limit to the computing power at my disposal.

      Unfortunately, the setup is only useful for computations so embarrassingly parallel that they're afraid to come out and actually meet the processors interface to interface.

      --
      Escher was the first MC and Giger invented the HR department.
  6. Potentially crazy suggestion: by Astatine210 · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Get a satellite dish.
    Mount it on the ground.
    Cover it with a fibreglass imitation rock, or some other feature that's microwave-transparent but blends in with the local scenery.

    1. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by Pvt.+Cthulhu · · Score: 3, Funny

      completely crazy suggestion. why hide a bee-you-tee-full dish under a rock? we use cable, but i still want a dish on my roof, even if i doesnt do anything.

    2. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by Brandano · · Score: 5, Informative

      or just place it under the roof. They sell purpose-made fiberglass roof tiles that will match the existing ones after a little creative weathering, and are microwave transparent.

    3. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by Hal_Porter · · Score: 5, Funny

      A 20 foot high fibreglass gnome in the back garden would do the trick. You could paint nerd clothes on him too as an ironic thingy.

      --
      echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
    4. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by AndGodSed · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Howz about putting the dish inside the roof and replacing the roof tiles over it with pretty fibreglass tiles? That puts the dish in the house, and off the ground, out of eyesight, safe from the wind and hail and yes, maybe even lightning.

    5. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by AndGodSed · · Score: 3, Funny

      Or a 20foot high TUX!!! You could make money by selling tickets to geeks who want to have their picture taken with it.

    6. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Putting the dish on the roof would reduce latency too since the signals don't have to travel as far.

    7. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by Gromius · · Score: 3, Interesting

      this is almost exactly what my parents did in a similar situation. Couldnt have a dish on the outside (both planning and aesthetic reasons) but they could build a small shed outside without planning permission. Volia, dish goes in shed with the special roof (although they might be trying it without roof for a while to see if its worth the money for the tiles). Also has the added advantage that passing ner-do-wells dont start wondering why that old isolated cottage has a big dish outside it.

    8. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      -- OR --
      Get a satellite dish.

      Beat it up, hammer some areas
      Make it look weatherworn (paint, spray cobweb)
      to make it look 300 years old

    9. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by eric76 · · Score: 3, Interesting

      As per the article, that's not an option. Even if the poster's parents grudgingly slap on a dish, they're living in an area where there's likely to be local ordinances against blatantly jarring or modern features on houses.

      Local ordinances don't amount to a hill of beans if the dish can also be used for satellite television.

      FCC trumps local ordinances. And they are reportedly quite aggressive about it.

    10. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by cdrudge · · Score: 3, Informative

      they're living in an area where there's likely to be local ordinances against blatantly jarring or modern features on houses.
      Such ordinances are illegal if they are only in place for aesthetic reasons. Local government or homeowner associations can't restrict placement if it's exclusive use property, doesn't present a safety concern, and doesn't alter the historic value of the property. The last one might be an issue here but I would be very surprised if it did. The only other exception is that if two locations are suitable to receive the signal, one of which is less obtrusive then the other, it can be required to use the less obtrusive location IF it's placement does not increase the cost of installation. So in other words, if the middle of the front yard or the middle of the back yard behind the house are the only two locations, then the backyard could be required to be used so it's out of sight from the front of the house. However I don't know how many people really wouldn't go with the less obtrusive, cheaper option anyways so it's almost a moot point anyways.
    11. Re:Potentially crazy suggestion: by DewDude · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Let me lay this satellite issue to rest (probably not, but i can try).

      You CANNOT mount the dish inside the house or cover it with a fake rock as per Hughes standards. For starters, the uplinking signals are EXTREMELY weak..most materials (even some of the microwave transparent ones) will block the signal...it's actually a few ghz higher than your downlink...this is not to mention that the uplink dishes on your house are NOTHING like the big-boys..they use powerful transmitters remotely mounted and feed the signal with a waveguide out the center of the dish off a reflector, off the dish again and out into space.

      The mere fact is the alignment required to get a signal up there accurately can be affected by things covering it...sure, people do it, and i'm sure it works fine...but a few years ago when i took the exam to install these things, this was not allowed.

      satellite is an expensive option...the wireless G3 option is probably a much better solution. wind hail and lightning don't really pose to many problems IF they're installed properly...this means grounding the dish...which will be done becuase hughes DOES NOT let the homeowner install these things.

      the latency is horrible but the theoritical speeds are good...but if you wanna pay a couple hundred bucks for your internet connection to travel 90,000 miles more than it needs (and that's about half a second of PHYSICAL latency)....then i have to question of you're a senile old geezer to begin with.

  7. Parabolic / Directional Antenna by Skal+Tura · · Score: 2, Informative

    Do not know the distance we are talking about, but sounds like there won't be anything prohibitive on line of sight.

    Closest neighbour who can have a fast connection, arrange with them to setup a WiFi, but not with regular uni-directional antennae, use directional, big one.

    More precise you can align the antennaes, the further you can reach with better bandwidth. To avoid the bad looks, you could hook it up in a tree too.

    If you are DIY type, there's lots of DIY tutorials to make one yourself on the cheap, which is just as good or better than some which costs insane high bucks. Just google "DIY WiFi Directional Antenna" :) Here's one: http://demi0urgos.livejournal.com/5924.html
    Picture: http://img237.imageshack.us/my.php?image=smalllabattstilt2nr.jpg
    Used: Beer can, some copper wiring, and some household items.

    You actually can get quite damn good distances with this kind of setup, alternatively, you guys might want to ask if you could use signal boosters to amplify the strength of signal, but beware, there's very good reasons why by default the output is weak, but that's mostly directed towards to areas where there is other users.

    Also, get the best hardware you can find on sane prices, using some cheap D-Link crap or something like that, is plain shooting yourself on the foot, they don't even work for 10 feets, nevermind 10miles no matter what kind of antenna you use.

    Also, by nature WiFi is not very reliable, but setup well, it should work fine most of the time.

  8. Look towards Siena by dontknowdidley · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Dishes can be painted to match with the existing surrounds - making them blend in fairly easily.

    I was in Siena, Italy - a city that didn't develop during the Renaissance after losing a war to Florence - and there were dishes all over that were painted to match the stone and brick work of that city.

    If a city that old can have dishes without looking bad or distracting, I think a house in New York will be okay.

    Never give up on the easy solution - it's probably the best one.

    1. Re:Look towards Siena by Dmala · · Score: 2, Funny

      If a city that old can have dishes without looking bad or distracting, I think a house in New York will be okay.

      Granted it's overrun with f'ing New Yorkers in the summer, but just for the record any cottage at the Cape Cod National Seashore is most definitely in Massachusetts.

  9. Deal with it? by Briareos · · Score: 3, Funny

    Nuke dialup from orbit, it's the only way to be sure...

    np: Kettel - Afwezig (My Dogan)

    --

    "I'm not anti-anything, I'm anti-everything, it fits better." - Sole

  10. Mirror by Fuzzums · · Score: 2, Funny

    They should mirror the internet during the night, updating a local cache, and when they surf during the day, they actually surf the locally cached internet.

    They might even be able to use their browser cache for that, I would think. I have mine set at 50Mb and I never get complaints from my browser that it needs more, so I would say 50Mb is enough. Maybe set it to 100Mb of you also want a backup.

    I hope this helps. And if not, I still have a 14k4 modem somewhere of you want to speed up the caching process.

    --
    Privacy is terrorism.
    1. Re:Mirror by Hognoxious · · Score: 3, Funny

      mirror the internet during the night, updating a local cache, and when they surf during the day, they actually surf the locally cached internet.
      That's exactly what I do.

      P.S. FIRST POST!!!!!
      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
  11. Re:.-=anonymous=-. by VermifugeRT · · Score: 2, Informative

    $60 gets you 5 GB (over 1 month) from Verizon. service is not unlimited.

  12. Authentic by August_zero · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Unless they are driving up there in a horse and buggy, and use whale oil lamps to light the night, i would say the illusion is pretty well broken anyway. Why not mount the dish on something near the house, or even on a post or something? It isn't going to distract anymore than the SUV sitting in the driveway

    --
    On Wall Street they say "buy low, sell high" On the pad we say, "buy high, sell high" Isn't that somehow better?
  13. lots of ideas by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Using a Unix account might not require as much user education or volition as you might think. Here are some of possibilities if you use a shell account on the user's ISP:
    - Faster Web browsing using Lynx
        - No, there's nothing (seriously) wrong with Lynx
        - You can also use W3M or Links or Elinks if you like
    - IRC chatting with EPIC4 or Irssi
        - I know IRC doesn't use a lot of bandwidth, but every little bit helps
    - Instant messaging with TTY clients
      - Centericq does some protocols
      - Pork for AIM
      - Cabber or Imcom for Jabber
          - These are both crashy I'm afraid
      - There might be a text version of Gaim or Pidgin
    - Offline downloading
        - User can download to the ISP first with Wget, Bittorrent, or the ftp command
        - User can later download the file to his or her home computer with an FTP client
            - Slightly more efficient
    - Resize large images with Imagemagick
    - Re-encode or down-sample audio
        - With the Vorbis Tools oggenc command
        - Or use Ogg Speex, which is down right awesome at reducing the number of bytes needed to store human speech
            - A friend of mine used Ogg Speex to download the first Codecon presentation to his dial-up account
                - Probably in much less the time it would have taken to listen to it
    - Re-encode or down-sample video
        - Use Mplayer's mencoder command
    - Maybe VNC or the low-bandwidth X proxy might be options

    That's how I used to do dial-up. Except for things like the fact that Ogg Vorbis, Mplayer and Jabber weren't invented yet at that time. Fortunately my ISP let me have a shell account.

    All this said, Windows XP is a lot more stable than Windows 3.1 was for me, so maybe it's better to run some client programs. Here's some tips for that.
    - Filter the e-mail at the ISP
        - Spam these days is very large in file size
        - Use Spamassassin or some other filter at the ISP
        - Of course, a lot of ISPs do this for you already
    - Turn off Javascript and disable plug-ins
        - If you're bent on using sites like Myspace or Yahoo Games or Youtube you might not have a chance at using this on dial-up anyway, so you may as well turn off the Web browser "features" they require, for faster loading of many Web pages out there
    - In the old days you could have Netscape not automatically load images, but then load them if you clicked on them, or clicked on the "load images" button
        - This was the ideal solution, but unfortunately neither Firefox nor Seamonkey offer this feature
    - Did I mention turning off Javascript and plug-ins?
        - I guess use of Noscript is a fair compromise
    - Take advantage of the ISP's Web Mail service, or read mail on the shell account, if you can
        - Then you can delete e-mail messages you don't want
            - For example if they're spam, or too large, or you've already read them
        - But later download the mail you want to keep on to your local client
    - Educate the user to educate his friends not to send too large e-mails
        - Quote properly
            - I know it's a lost cause, but it'll help
        - Teach not to include attachments without asking first
        - Teach how to reduce images to 640x480 (or 480x640) first

    And, of course, sometime's it's faster to buy a CD or DVD and have it mailed to you than to download something. Dial-up ISPs could consider offering this feature, but perhaps with a customer-supplied harddisk for cost reasons.

    Tom

  14. google "dry pair" by CoffeeBreath · · Score: 2, Interesting

    There are several how-to docs on using bare wires from the telco (originally intended for alarm circuits) with special-purpose modems to get internet access in places the "usual" technologies won't reach.

    --
    -- If you don't understand it, blame it!
  15. Quitcherbitchen by Mr.+Underbridge · · Score: 5, Insightful

    They could put a satellite dish on their roof, but it's a 300-year-old house and they feel a dish would be as prohibitively ugly as running dedicated lines would be prohibitively expensive. I've suggested they get familiar with a text-only email client; I also suggested they talk with their senators and local political reps.

    (translated) My rich parents can't get broadband in their summer home in Cape Cod because they're too pretentious to use a dish and the mean old phone company doesn't want to spend millions to run DSL out to bumblefuck. Mr. Senator, can you make the taxpayer foot the bill so my parents can have *broadband* in their *summer home*???

    Gimme a break. Talk about spoiled. You know, there are people who still use dial-up. Does it suck? A little. But talking about political action so rich people can get broadband in the middle of nowhere where they chose their vacation home? Get out of here.

    1. Re:Quitcherbitchen by TrueJim · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Not only that, he wants political action to put broadband in his parent's summer home...WHICH IS LOCATED IN AN FEDERAL ECOLOGICALLY-PROTECTED SEASHORE!

      "Dear Senator, please destroy a wildlife habitat and sanctuary so that I can get broadband..."

      --
      I hope that after I die the one word people use to describe me is "resurrected."
    2. Re:Quitcherbitchen by Nimey · · Score: 2, Funny

      How do you read Slashdot on your 40-column Commodore 64? Pretty impressive for a working-class guy.

      --
      Hail Eris, full of mischief...

      E pluribus sanguinem
    3. Re:Quitcherbitchen by urcreepyneighbor · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Some of my family members had to foot the bill for the last thousand feet, but they were able to get Comcrap to drag their signal a mile from the main drag once they saw 8 houses that were interested. Hold on. I call bullshit.

      If someone "can barely afford to live there", where are they getting the money "to foot the bill for the last thousand feet"?

      It sounds to me like we've got a bunch of dumbfucks that are going to spend their lives in poverty because of their piss poor choices ("we're broke, but we got broadband!") or we've got a bunch of spoiled fucks that want the world to wipe their asses and smile about it.

      Which is it?

      If you choose to live in the middle of nowhere, don't expect the latest-and-great tech. One of the benefits of living in the middle of nowhere is to get away from the latest-and-greatest. What you sacrifice in convenience you make up for in privacy and peace of mind.

      Give me a little house in the middle of nowhere with dialup instead of a condo in the valley with broadband. Any day.
      --
      "The fight for freedom has only just begun." - Geert Wilders
  16. oh the horror... by gittela · · Score: 2, Insightful

    What about disconnecting? IsnÂt that the point of vacation?
    One of the things I love about our cottage is that there is no power, no running water and hardly any cellphone coverage.
    If it is dead important I can read mail on my phone down the road.

  17. Re:First world problems. by thereofone · · Score: 2, Interesting

    I didn't realize that that was why I haven't seen AC posts by myself or others modded up. Thank you though; it drove me to the final step after lurking for, oh, three years.

  18. Re:what about EVDO? by aywwts4 · · Score: 4, Informative

    Since I am a loser... I checked 90% of the cape cod national seashore is covered by sprint's "Sprint Mobile Broadband Network (avg 600 kbps - 1.4 mbps download, 350 kbps - 500 kbps upload)" with the highest quality signal.

    And at 60 Dollars a month you have nothing to complain about.

    --
    Web Developers: Celebrate to our roots! Animated Gifs and Tiled Backgrounds, dont let our history die!
  19. Look on the brightside by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...their time is almost up. Then dial up will be the least of their problems. And if I had a 300-yr-old cottage on Cape Cod, frankly, I wouldn't give a damn about the internet, e-mail, or whether my kid was in my will.

    1. Re:Look on the brightside by Huntr · · Score: 2, Insightful

      That was kind of my thought, too. The submitter described running dedicated lines as "prohibitively expensive." "Prohibitively expensive" for people that can afford a 300 yr old cottage on Cape Cod? Day-um.

    2. Re:Look on the brightside by Bill,+Shooter+of+Bul · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Seriously. I'm going to contact *My* senators and tell them that if they wast a second on catering to people with cottages on cape cod instead of the 5 billion other pressing problems in this country they can kiss their own ass goodbye.

      --
      Well.. maybe. Or Maybe not. But Definitely not sort of.
    3. Re:Look on the brightside by gfxguy · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I was looking for a whiny post asking the government for help, now you've preemptively shot down those who think it's the government's job to make sure everyone has high speed at some company's (and therefor their client's) expense.

      All I can say about your post is f-ing A-MEN. You wanna live a nice, cozy, secluded lifestyle, you have to deal with the drawbacks. Boo f-ing hoo.

      --
      Stupid sexy Flanders.
    4. Re:Look on the brightside by jafuser · · Score: 5, Informative
      I agree, the government shouldn't force anyone to pay for it. But we already did pay for it:

      The $200 Billion Broadband Scandal

      Here's a summary of the relevant points:

      The fiber optic infrastructure you paid for was never delivered.

      Starting in the early 1990's, with a push from the Clinton-Gore Administration's "Information Superhighway", every Bell company - SBC, Verizon, BellSouth and Qwest - made commitments to rewire America, state by state. Fiber optic wires would replace the 100-year old copper wiring. The push caused techno-frenzy of major proportions. By 2006, 86 million households should have had a service capable of 45 Mbps in both directions, (to and from the customer) could handle over 500 channels of high quality video and be deployed in rural, urban and suburban areas equally. And these networks were open to ALL competition.

      In order to pay for these upgrades, in state after state, the public service commissions and state legislatures acquiesced to the Bells' promises by removing the constraints on the Bells' profits as well as gave other financial perks. They were able to print money - billions of dollars per state - all collected in the form of higher phone rates and tax perks. (Note: each state is different.)

      * ADSL is not what was promised and paid for. It goes over the old copper wiring, can't achieve the speed, has problems in rural areas and is mostly one-way.

      * The public subsidies for infrastructure were pocketed. The phone companies collected over $200 billion in higher phone rates and tax perks, about $2000 per household.

      * The World is Laughing at US. Korea and Japan have 100 Mbps services as standard, and America could have been Number One had the phone companies actually delivered. Instead, we are 16th in broadband and falling in technology dominance.

      * Harm to the economy. Five trillion dollars was lost because new technologies and services that America would have developed, happened in Korea. Municipalities around America are waking up to the fact that the phone companies failed to deliver and are now doing Wifi and fiber-based work-arounds.

      * The promised networks couldn't be built in 1993 and state laws were changed based on "deceptive speech". The technology today still has problems delivering 500 channels.

      * The phone companies pulled a bait and switch. In order to offer DSL over copper, it was not necessary to have state regulation changed. Their plan was to get rid of regulations and enter long distance.

      * The Bell mergers resulted in the death of the state plans for fiber optic broadband. Over 26 states had fiber optic projects closed when the mergers of SBC and Verizon were completed. That affected almost 80% of all phone customers in the US.

      Wouldn't you like your $2000 back?
      --
      Please consider making an automatic monthly recurring donation to the EFF
    5. Re:Look on the brightside by toocooleds · · Score: 5, Informative

      People read "cottage on Cape Cod" and immediately assume the owners must be wealthy. That's actually unlikely to be true. In fact, the only private cottages inside the Cape Cod National Seashore are relics. The Park Service would just as soon they were destroyed, but they are grandfathered into the law when the land was designated as national parkland. They cannot be sold outside the family which owned them historically, only handed down through the generations. They are mostly tiny, weatherbeaten shacks, and they cannot be updated or expanded. Many were once the homes of poor artists, now used as vacation homes by their descendants. Cape Cod was not always a playground for the rich.

    6. Re:Look on the brightside by iogan · · Score: 2, Interesting

      There's also logistical problems in the U.S. that you simply don't have elsewhere... how big is the U.S. compared to Japan? S. Korea? You can't just say "someone else did it so we can, too!" If some guy at the end of some long secluded road wants fiber or high speed anything, they should have to pay for it. The government shouldn't pay for it (because then that's us paying for it), and some city dweller shouldn't have to subsidize it, either.
      I love hearing the "we have too low population density for broadband" line. Here's what's up. I live in a far less densely populated country than the US, and I can get 7.2 mbit 3G broadband in the middle of the fucking forest, not to mention the 100mbit/100mbit (actual speed) fiber I have in my apartment. I'm paying about 20 bucks a month for the priviledge. (Well actually closer to 30 bucks, now that the dollar has completely lost pretty much all its value, but you get the picture.) But at least you don't have any government intervention in your wonderfully well-working private markets. Good for you!
  20. Cell Tower Internet by Karrde712 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    One service that's becoming popular with laptop users would be the EVDO/3G adapters. These allow laptop computers (or, with USB versions, any computer) access to the EVDO (Verizon) and 3G (AT&T, T-Mobile) high-speed networks in most regions. Living in Massachusetts myself, I happen to know that the signal is very strong for both of these services in most populated areas. Basically, you can get broadband access from the cell tower networks for about $60/month (citing Verizon's price for 5GB monthly allowance).

    Both services offer speeds that are roughly equivalent to consumer DSL lines. While it is more expensive than DSL in most locations, if they're not going to run DSL, FiOS or digital cable lines out to you, then you don't have a lot of choices.

    --
    You may treat all information submitted above as wild speculation.
  21. That's your interpretation by daBass · · Score: 3, Insightful

    (translated) My rich parents can't get broadband in their summer home in Cape Cod because they're too pretentious to use a dish and the mean old phone company doesn't want to spend millions to run DSL out to bumblefuck. Mr. Senator, can you make the taxpayer foot the bill so my parents can have *broadband* in their *summer home*??? Where does the OP indicate this is their summer home? I would not be surprised if some people actually live their all year round. I don't know about new England, but in Old England, many older folks still live in their little old cottages and have done so all their lives, even though rich folk have snapped up most around them for use as weekend retreats.

    Secondly, politicians can do more that spend money to pay for the infrastructure. Telcos require permission from the government to do all sorts of things and as a condition of putting in service to more profitable areas, they could be forced to service other areas as well. Everybody wins. Unless you think spending an extra 25c a month on your subscription to fund it is the slippery slope to socialism and before you know it we'll all be working for the state and need permission to visit a department store, of course.

    You may be right, I don't know, but you should not jump to conclusions until you know all the facts.
  22. stay with it by javaperson · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I've been using Dial-up since the internet started (I'm 80) and haven't bothered to migrate to faster techs even tho they're available to me. Tell them to use Firefox and make use of the tabs and all the available extensions which take out unnecessary content such as Noscript, Adblock, and Image like opera. When you have 6 or 7 tabs opens at the same time, it's easy to go to go from one to another. While one is loading you read a different one. I'm sure they have more than one site they're interested in. This way they can surf the internet without any problem. It's just a matter of learning to use the facilities available and adapting.

  23. EVOO? by stupidflanders · · Score: 5, Funny

    Oh, sorry, I thought we were on the Rachel Ray forums for a second... :-p

  24. My gold shoes are too tight by stupidflanders · · Score: 2

    and my wallet is too small for all these $100 bills!

  25. Shotgun Modem by EchoD · · Score: 2, Insightful

    If Dialup is truly the only option, try a Shotgun Modem. This requires a few things: A special "shotgun" modem, a service provider who allows shotgunning, and at least two phone lines.

    This will give you service similar to an ISDN connection -- a Shotgun Modem typically allows you to pick up the secondary connection line (primary phone) and will suspend that connection while you place a cal. I'm unsure how it works with incoming calls.

    --
    If I only had a moose...
  26. Re:Why is "turn to government" the first solution? by patrixmyth · · Score: 3, Informative

    They are also free to contact their political representatives. I don't think anyone needs to protect the poor old telecoms from the oppression of providing universal broadband coverage. The telecoms are doing just fine and benefit much more from government assistance then they spend in compliance with their few remaining service obligations.

    That said, Cape Cod is already whipping up solutions. Put the folks in contact with Open Cape, and they will probably be able to find a wifi provider that has or plans to provide service to their area. http://www.opencape.com/

    Worse case scenario, they can buy a laptop and access broadband in the city. You don't HAVE to have broadband at home. It's ok to sit in a cafe once in a while, and you could call them instead of emailing.

    I wouldn't know myself, but I understand that there are still some people actually communicating in analog. Sounds primitive, I know. I understand ROTFL is actually considered rude, but apparently LOL is still ok in person.

    --
    "Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey?"- Peter Gabriel
  27. Re:what about EVDO? by jcrousedotcom · · Score: 2, Informative

    I was surprised it took this many replies for someone to suggest Verizon or Sprint. I love my EVDO sprint connection, it works great - I even tethered my laptop to my Treo on a recent trip and it worked great going down the road (I was a passenger). We even shared my Internet connection and had two laptops (via crossover cable) connected. Assuming the EVDO svc is available, I think that would be the ideal solution. It is also something they could use while traveling or away from a landline HS connection.

    --
    Illiterate? Write for free help!
  28. There is tonnes of cable and wireless coverage by RembrandtX · · Score: 3, Funny

    My Mom lives in Foulmouth, and my Sister lives in Mashpea - both of which have cable internet. I know my business wireless internet card (from Verizon) works up there .. There is internet and cable all over the place in both P-town and the Vinyard .. so if its just a matter of coverage in your area due to bad equipment, you can always fork over the $60 a month for a wireless broadband card.

    Otherwise, what about ISDN ? or possibly a wireless directional antenna ? (a can) if there is anything tourist related near them .. chances are it will have wireless internet now adays.

    --

    --Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum, non erravi pernicose!
  29. fake rock by TheSHAD0W · · Score: 4, Informative

    Mount the dish at ground level and put a fake rock over it. This has been a very common solution, and the rock-like covers are available from several sources for a few hundred dollars.

  30. Broadband Wireless Card by gravis777 · · Score: 3, Informative

    I use these for commuting, and even the Edge cards are faster than dialup (although there is a longer lag time, the actual speeds seem to be faster). We just upgraded to a 3G card through AT&T, and it is noticibly faster. It they have a desktop rather than a laptop, most of the major cellular providers do offer USB devices as well.

    I will point out that you are looking at spending around $50-$60 a month for unlimited access for speeds that hover around 200k-300k a second. Its fine for using HTML e-mail, and most websites. Even using VPN, having Outlook sync up with my RSS Feeds, Exchange Server, and GMail account, only takes about 45 seconds over 3G (I have a LOT of RSS Feeds), and that is only when you first launch the program, of course once launched, it constantly checks mail, so its not that big of an issue.

    I should point out that VPN over a cellular modem is flaky at best, and practically useless if you are moving in a vehicle.

    1. Re:Broadband Wireless Card by Shakrai · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I should point out that VPN over a cellular modem is flaky at best, and practically useless if you are moving in a vehicle.

      Are you sure about that? My boss has a Verizon Wireless EV-DO data card. He heads down to Myrtle Beach every few months (roughly 13 hours away) and works on his laptop pretty much the whole way. He's never complained about having issues with our VPN -- and he's using it to connect to a Citrix server, which is a pretty interactive application and would give him fits if the connection was flaky or spotty.

      --
      I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
      We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
    2. Re:Broadband Wireless Card by BookRead · · Score: 2, Informative
      I think they're a good choice for Cape Cod generally but the cell coverage on the National Seashore can be a bit spotty, especially around Eastham where the Seashore's Visitor Center is. (There's some sort of roaming service there.) Further up towards Truro and P'town you're likely to be in better shape. Check out the coverage maps before you select a provider. The town libraries also provide Wifi although they have transfer limits.

      After trying various hotspots and using dialup with mixed results I've invested in mobile broadband solution for my visits down there. I'm generally in the Harwich/Chatham area so I'm not too worried about the coverage gaps.

      I've found my Cisco VPN client is a bit flaky with Sprint but I'm hoping it's just a version problem.

  31. Go ahead and mod me down by Guppy06 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "It looks like my parents may end up stuck having to use dialup to access the Internet from their cottage inside the Cape Cod National Seashore."

    My heart bleeds.

    "Neither Comcast nor Verizon want to bother upgrading the hardware required to get them faster service."

    Surprising, since I'm sure that Comcast and Verizon execs as well as major stockholders are among their neighbors.

    "They could put a satellite dish on their roof, but it's a 300-year-old house and they feel a dish would be as prohibitively ugly as running dedicated lines would be prohibitively expensive."

    Uh-huh. Guess what: they didn't have cable television, central air, electricity, gas or probably even running water 300 years ago either (let alone the telephone lines used for dial-up). But I'm going to guess that since you're asking about internet access, you've already got all these modern amenities duck taped into a structure that wasn't built to accept it. I'd bet the precious aesthetics were lost about the time that flush toilets were installed.

    "I've suggested they get familiar with a text-only email client"

    I'd suggest their pretentious rich asses get used to doing without for a while if they insist on deliberately spending their summers away from civilization.

    "I also suggested they talk with their senators and local political reps."

    i. e. their next door neighbors...

    "Are there other ways they can increase the functionality despite the pitiful bandwidth?"

    Yeah, get over yourselves. After having all the latest Nineteenth and Twentieth Century amenities stapled onto the outside and inside of your "summer cottage," a one-meter satellite dish isn't going to be the end of the world. It won't be as bad as, say, the windmills your parents refuse to allow to be built anywhere near their precious cottage for fear of ruining the view.

    "Any other good ideas? Any success stories you can share where people have finally got the bandwidth they crave?"

    Crave bandwidth? Summer in a modern condominium instead.

  32. should try wireless by marros · · Score: 2, Informative

    If you use a wireless transmitter, like something from Tranzeo, and a yagi antennae, you can get up to 25 miles at high speed (1.5-3.5Mbps up to 54Mbps). This doesn't have to be set up on the house, you can put it on a 25' to 40' tower. Check out their website and see if they have a solution.

  33. Re:And I'll tell you exactly how crazy by bl4ck5 · · Score: 5, Funny

    nearly 300 km per millisecond Almost as fast as that joke whooshed over your head.
  34. Cellular is the Simplest solution by bostongraf · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Get cellular broadband. Sprint, Verizon, etc all offer some solution. It is actually pretty sweet. Not broadband (or even DSL) fast, but plenty fast enough, and better than dial up or ISDN. You can get a USB modem (desktop) or a PCMCIAA modem (laptop). My company provides us with a Verizon card for when we are on the road, and I encountered some speed issues up in the Saratogoa Springs area (northern NY). Otherwise, it rarely dips below the 300 range.

    There is no costly destruction of rooftops nor construction of sheds with magical rooftops.

    And, when they want to stroll down to the beach, just pick up the laptop and go.

    Simple, inexpensive, and portable solution.

    p.s. I hate the freakin cape, but I'll help you with your problem before dissin' it ;)