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Chuck Norris Backs Down On Lawsuit
DeathElk writes "Perhaps Chuck Norris has found a soft spot. He just dropped a lawsuit against university student Ian Spector and Spector's publisher, Penguin Group Ltd. Spector had previously penned a compilation of well known 'Facts' about Chuck Norris. We discussed the suit when it was filed last year."
Per the article, he dropped his lawsuit because:
he has since changed his mind on Spector's musings - including one entry that claims: "Chuck Norris can impregnate women with only a glance. He can also do this to men."
Does this type of flattery really work with THE Chuck Norris?
Hulk SMASH Celiac Disease
Cue yet another round of stupid Chuck Norris jokes.
A few years ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-American football hero type, about twenty five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured. The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist. I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself.
Of course I'd had jerkoff fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what rimmer hasn't), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud. Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with boh hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose.
It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does..
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit. Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer.
But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankercheif, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom.
I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours.. I must have had six orgasms in the process. I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
I'll chip in to buy it a whole new URL, in fact.
"There is nothing nice about Steve Jobs and nothing evil about Bill Gates." - Chuck Peddle
So fags like this can be reported. Digg has it, why not /.?
He uses guns. (I can't believe I said that)
the lawsuit backed down from... ahh never mind.
Murphey's fighting Occam, and we're in the stands.
... the lawsuit backed up on Chuck Norris ... eww... click anon...
... Chuck Norris throws-down on lawsuits!
[signature]
then unleashes a roundhouse kick!...
is his own kickass reputation.
I wonder what happened first, Chuck Norris changed his mind about Spector's musings, or a lawyer told him about The People vs. Larry Flynt.
...that parody is protected speech?
The lawsuit was dropped because it was determined that no lawyer could defend against from Chuck Norris.
Every country on Earth has made it illegal to mock Chuck Norris. Those that did not are no longer countries.
OpenBSD was created when Chuck Norris ripped the BSD kernel apart
/proc/uptime overflowed on Chucks 128 bit machine.
Chuck Norris runs UNICOS on his wristwatch
The FIN bit in an IP packet is used to indicate that Chuck is coming over the Ethernet to get you
The first terabit switch blew up when Chuck connected his computer to it
Chuck Norris measures the speed of his CPU in BogoTips, not BogoMips
82.4% of the liquid helium produced on earth is used to cool Chuck's superconductive CPUs
The IPV6 Address space was exhausted when Chuck assigned an address to each of the CPU's in his Beowulf cluster
Chuck Norris won the Turing award 4 times. Last time was for an algorithm to factor primes
Chuck Norris scans his own PC for Mail Viruses by smell. And God bless you if you spam him
Chuck Norris uses cat and echo instead of UPDATE and SELECT
Chuck Norris's LISP machine does not use a Garbage collector. It does not need one.
Half-life 2 was based on Chucks day off last week
For Chucks computer P=NP is irrelevant. Everything runs in one clock cycle.
Chuck Norris does not have CD Burner. He has a CD Blaster. And all CD's are rewritable on his machine.
Oracle is named after Chucks CPU branch prediction unit
Each of the CPUs in Chucks Beowulf cluster can crack any AES block in a picosecond
The PowerPC chip was pulled from the market when IBM realized that no processor is as powerful as Chucks brain
When Chucks computer crashes the lights dim all over town
Choogle Earth can zoom down to the level of quarks and leptons and is updated every femtosecond
Chuck Norris' chains down his mouse with Kevlar ropes ever since it ate his pet tiger
Chucks's house is wired with Cat100 quantum optical cable that carries terabit ethernet with ease
Steve Jobs's reality distortion field is generated by Chuck
The last time Chuck Norris had a core dump 15 people died
--
The dangers of excessive individualism are nothing compared to the oppressiveness of excessive collectivism
The Lawsuit backed down on Chuck Norris!
Make SELinux enforcing again!
This is odd, because I have the book (my girlfriend got it for me a couple of months ago), and in it the author says that he met with Chuck Norris and got his OK.
Is this really old news (from before the book's latest edition), or did Carlos Ray give the OK and then decide to sue?
Hell, is this even really news?
Chuck Norris never backs down. Ever.
This is clearly a benevolent act by Mr Norris, as a single one of his roundhouse kicks would have destroyed the entire legal system.
.evom ton seod gis eht
I thought a parody would have to include, largely, parts of the original which are then distorted in one way or another so as to poke fun at it, society, or whatever.
Not the dictionary definition, so here's the dictionary one:
-----
1.
1. A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule. See synonyms at caricature.
2. The genre of literature comprising such works.
2. Something so bad as to be equivalent to intentional mockery; a travesty: The trial was a parody of justice.
3. Music. The practice of reworking an already established composition, especially the incorporation into the Mass of material borrowed from other works, such as motets or madrigals.
-----
I don't believe it qualifies under any of the above; though I'm guessing the case might have decided on that.
To me it looks like an original work (or a compilation of original works) that all unclude one thing: the name of an individual.
I'm going to guess that he would have gone with the 'Misappropriation' angle. That is: the authors are using Chuck Norris' name without his consent for commercial gain. Obviously.
This is different from using his name in sections of, say, a novel (where time and again it has been upheld that using real names is a-ok), as here the 'Chuck Norris' angle is practically the selling point*, whereas with a novel that is not likely to be the case.
* Then again, these jokes pre-existed as Hasselhoff jokes as well, I think? But if they were to have the book's 'Chuck Norris' replaced with 'David Hasselhoff' or 'John Doe', then it would very likely not sell nearly as well; thus the misappropriation angle.
Not a roundhouse kick? What a pussy. Chuck Norris is going to have to go and kick Chuck Norris' ass now.
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
...He lifted the rest of world up.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
I was going to make up some really great exploit about Chuck Norris and post it as a comment. But then I realized that Chuck Norris had already spoofed the accounts of many /. regulars and had wittily added all appropriate Chuck Norris exploits as comments. What is unclear, is whether or not Chuck Norris created this topic and all comments with a roundhouse kick, or if he only anticipated when it would be created.
...he waits.
Err...something like that.
Then again, I ain't all that tough either. =)
This sig no verb.
In Soviet Russia, government backs down to Chuck Norris after watching Delta Force marathon on cable.
Chuck Norris only dropped the lawsuit because Chuck Norris didn't want to waste his time round house kicking endless waves of laywers. smart move in my opinion. Chuck life isn't a video game.