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Best Way To Get Back a Stolen Computer?
davidphogan74 writes "I have some stolen computers checking in with a server we have (software pre-loaded), and I have full access to the systems. What's the best way to deal with this situation? The local police (to the theft) have been contacted several times and seem to be clueless. I personally have no financial interest in these computers, I just don't like atom-thieves. What's the best way to handle knowing the IPs, email addresses, MySpace sites, the Google login, etc. when working with law enforcement? The officer I spoke with (who genuinely seemed to care) didn't know an IP address from a mailing address, so I called others. Nobody cared. Anyone have any ideas?"
You need Snake Plissken.
http://twitter.com/OLDTELEGRAM
to Goatse?
Timo's Audio Software http://www.esseraudio.com
First, I would check the airport.
I Heart Sorting Networks
If they don't matter just give them up perhaps? Or make a loop to toggle the CD tray repeatedly - just to annoy the hell out of em - trigger the internal speaker too. If they don't matter you'd be better off having some fun irritating the thieves than putting in the effort of tracking em down.
Become a cop and solve it yourself.
First you go get a gun, then you run around shooting complete strangers (don't worry - they'll respawn eventually), and make your way toward any glowing switches you happen to find. For no apparent reason, this will advance you toward your goal of getting your computer back.
OH! Don't forget to find a good spot to spawn camp to get your frag numbers up! I hear the nursery ward at the hospital tends to be a good camping spot...
Karma: Chameleon (mostly due to the fact that you come and go).
If they hook up a modem, have it call 911 and hang up. Have it do this over and over.. they will get a visit! If you can figure out how, have the computer place the call and play back a synthesized speech explaining that this computer belongs to you and is stolen.
Have you fscked your local propeller head today?
Something similiar to: http://www.xkcd.com/440/
Genesis 1:32 And God typed
If the police will not help you then set it to up/download dubious content. They will be round like a shot. You might get nicked visiting a FBI kiddie-porn honey trap during your research for this though...
Maybe try the RIAA. Claim that it has downloaded an Amy Winehouse track or something like that.
Record their credit card details then charge them for the computer they "bought". :)
Or make the computers send a death threat to each member of the congress and executive office (including the candidates) then the FBI moves in, and at the impounded auction you can buy it back for pennies on the dollar.
Call the cops back, tell them not to worry about following up the theft, as you just went around and shot the thief.
See how fast they scuttle ;)
If you have monitoring software on the computer, just wait until they do some sort of financial transaction using the company machine.
Then just use the info to order a few dozen more PC's at their expense, and send them an email saying you won't tell if they won't.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The A-Team.
www.timcoleman.com is a total waste of your time. Never go there.
Or make the computers send a death threat to each member of the congress and executive office (including the candidates)...
I've got to admit that this appeals to me. Just don't sign it "Osama" or mention WMDs... It seems there are some things they're just not interested in finding. [g]
Phone analogy? This is Slashdot. It's car analogy or GTFO.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Agreed, you have to at least make the computer explode like a bunch of C4 when they hit the Esc key...
Well I'm just too lazy to mod you up then.
+/-0 lazy git
So, duct tape your computer to your irrigation controller, and everything will be OK?
An irrigation system as that seems to get a system recovered.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Or send a threatening note to the white house along with pictures of swarthy people in turbans. Fast track them to Guantanamo.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
So, pretend to call as the RIAA.
How are sites slashdotted when nobody reads TFAs?
Trace them via the physical layer, and then contact me. 3K USD for the laptop, or 90K for the laptop and their head in a cooler.
PC moderators can suck my White pierced, tattooed dick. If you think pride == hate, s/dick/Aryan meat mallet/g.
Move along, sir.
Literalism isn't a form of humor, it's you being irritating.
"It's like a stolen donut, and I have the address of the hole..."
Ok, maybe that analogy needs work.
Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
You said you didn't care about the money, so install kiddie porn/dirty bomb plans/some other terorist shit on their machines.
Then send from their email some death threats to the worlds most loved politician(s).
That should get them some heat.
You don't pay taxes to fund law enforcement so they'll investigate people who commit crimes against you. You pay taxes to fund law enforcement so they don't come and take your property away and/or throw you in jail. It's a protection racket, nothing more.
Use Vista, then they'd probably send it back to you with a sympathy card
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.