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The Thirteen Greatest Error Messages of All Time
Technologizer writes "They add insult to injury — and computing wouldn't be the same without 'em. So I rounded up a baker's dozen of the most important error messages in computing history — from Does Not Compute to Abort, Retry, Fail to the Sad Mac to the big kahuna of them all — the mighty Blue Screen of Death. And just in case my judgment is off, I include a poll to let the rest of the world vote for the greatest error message of all." I can't believe that "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" didn't make the list.
Error, Windows Vista detected on Drive C: prepare to acknowledge, confirm and reboot.
www.thedailywtf.com has a great selection of error messages. Some are absolute genius!
missing /etc/passwd, tried to login as root:
"you don't exist. go away."
Surely "Keyboard Error: Press Any Key To Continue" should have been in there somewhere?
Username or password invalid. It's probably got the most face time...
Kernel Panic? Why not just teach that damned kernel some self-defense lessons. Or, at least tell it to grow a set of balls. Just stop the damned Panic.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong fix.
Somehow, spreading an article across many, many ad-ridden pages is not considered an error.
SYNTAX ERROR
:^)
That's all I ever got out of one when I'd play around with them at Sears back in the day.
Error, Water Detected in Drive C:
"Congratulations, your Lotus Notes installation is complete."
+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
I just run the "BSOD" screensaver on my linux machine, with all error messages enabled. I love having people come in, pause, say, "Um... looks like your machine is really screwed up". Then I bump the machine out of screensaver mode, and their jaws drop.
The Mac, having 4-channel wave sound from the beginning, went one better than the PC when it came to the startup failure beep. While the PC would beep out some sequence of single notes indicating hardware errors, the Mac would simply play one chord. A successful bootup was a pleasant chime (sometimes heard on Futurama or other shows when something boots up). However, hardware errors not only produced the sad mac, but a discordant anti-chime. For those with good ears, it was sometimes possible to diagnose some errors by the particular musical dissonance. In particular, some familiar with upgrading the Mac Plus became familiar with a chord indicating bad RAM.
Good times.
E pluribus unum
"A system call that should never fail has failed."
A customer read that to me over the phone once. I made him confirm the wording twice to make sure.
Yeah, its a legit error message too - not a malware scare tactic to get a user to click yes, which I had half expected.
I just like the wording. The fact that you bothered to include this error implies to me that you knew there was a chance that the system call could fail.
Kevin
It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
Some time ago I was running a batch job and the system returned the message, "The system is unwilling to process your request." I figured it was tired of running my programs, and wanted to quit for the day.
The following story comes from Andy McFadden:
This should of been on the list.
In similar vein: PC LOAD LETTER
Btw: Of course they didn't modify this message for countries which don't use the Letter format, making it even more confusing...
I don't read replies by ACs.
"Few users will like an error message no matter how well it is designed."
--Roger S. Pressman, _Software Engineering: A Practitioner's Approach_
"Error: The operation completed successfully"
I kid you not. This one was repeatable on any windows box whenever Dr.Watson was invoked after a program crashed. It appeared in win 3.0, 3.1, 3.11, 95, 98, NT, 2000 (don't know about win me, xp or vista). Just click the "save as" button for the error log, then click cancel. Then the magic error appeared in its own box:
"Error: The operation completed successfully"
Dr.Watson terminated as well, of course.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. - Voltaire
I've never run into the FailWhale, because I've never tried Twitter. Although I'm confused by TFA's comment:
If you can explain what the image has to do with a Web 2.0 service buckling under extreme traffic, please let me know.
8 little birds trying to carry a whale they have tethered seems like a perfectly appropriate image to accompany a server strain error IMO.
He's getting rather old, but he's a good mouse.
"...And the lord said, `lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement'"
"a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program"
"`Volatile' and `Register' are not miscible"
"This struct already has a perfectly good definition"
"Symbol table full - fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade from your local Apple dealer"
"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"
PHEM - party like it's 1997-2003!
$ ed
help
?
list
?
quit
?
bye
?
die
?
FSCK OFF and DIE you fscking BASTARD!!!
?
^C
My blog
One day I got a call from engineering that told me they where getting a error in a vb application. When I get
there to have a look they told me the engineer that wrote the code had unfortunately died the day before at a
fairly young age of a hear attack. The error showing was, "Beware The Man Behind The Curtain"...talk about creepy..
Got Code?
Back in the DOS days, I once used a hex editor to find the string "Bad Command or Filename" and replace it with "Reply Hazy, Ask Again". That was fun, but when my coworker got that machine in a reshuffle, she was confused. I explained what I had done, but she couldn't get her brain around the idea that that error was just a string of characters on the disk; that it didn't mean anything different. So she kept asking me about it until she got a new machine along with her promotion to head of tech support. Wow, that job sucked.
2001 is one of my all-time favorite movies.
...the future crusty old bastards are already drinking the Kool-Aid.
PC LOAD LETTER
What the fuck does that mean?
The fact that you bothered to include this error implies to me that you knew there was a chance that the system call could fail.
Maybe. Or maybe the programmer was just really anal retentive, like me.
I don't really consider myself a programmer, but I do write a fair share of CGI scripts. In my scripts, I detaint the user inputs and provide appropriate error codes for user inputs that fail the detaint. The error trapping almost always leads to one (or more) of some finite set of possibilities, but I *always* include a catch-all along the lines of...
1) Didn't match valid input;
2) Didn't match expected error #1;
...
n) Didn't match expected error #n;
n+1) Catch-all (just on the off chance that I failed to account for a possible error).
For the catch-all case, I include an error message similar to "This error message shouldn't be possible. Please send an e-mail to tell me how you got here."
MCSE? No, sir...I don't do Windows. Yes, I am an idealist. What's your point?
See KB276304
I do. :)
There was this crazy guy I knew in college, who went to work for Microsoft. We'd drifted apart, though we both still lurk in some private email groups of friends from that timeframe. About 5 years ago, I saw his name in a Newsweek article about some crazy-hip new MS project, calling him "a relative codger" at 33, brought in to rein in the young guns on the project. The official Microsoft web page for the project featured a "meet the team" section, which next to him, included the phrase "Wrote the BSOD."
I couldn't let that lie, so I wrote him a quick note asking if it was true, was he proud of it, and most importantly, "Why blue?" Here's part of the response:
I chose white on blue because that was the same color that the firmware on the Mips workstations we had used for their boot selection screen. Plus that was the default for the old character mode SlickEdit code editor that most of the devs used.
and:
No, it is not something I am particularly proud of, but once the kids I work with found out about this little skeleton in my closet they never let me forget it.
(He also avows responsibility for the Win 9x blue screen, "which gets a lot more air time.")
For those who just want the lame list:
And in refernce to the summary:
UTF-8: There and Back Again
Actually, I've had "ERROR: No error" before.
I've seen the following in the Windows "Event Viewer" logs. (Reproduced from memory, so it's not verbatim, but it's pretty close.)
The following problem occurred during installation of Microsoft Office 2003:
Success
(Apparently, when installing via GPO, MSI sometimes reports an error despite everything being okay. So the message gets logged. It can happen with any package. I just liked the double entendre from when it happened to Office.)
(BTW, the subject line comes from this essay. If you haven't read it, you should. What's worse than failure? Success. HHOS.)
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
To be fair, it should had said "Error: keyboard not found. Connect a keyboard and press F1 to continue." But then, each byte of ROM was expensive once.
That error message dates back to the early days of the IBM-PC (possibly the first model, although I couldn't swear to that). Every expected possible failure during POST (Power On Self Test) had a corresponding error code and message. They all used the same output routine, which displayed the error code, the error message, and prompted the operator to press [F1] to continue. They simply didn't create a special case for keyboard errors -- it displayed the same way all the others did. There were other errors which left the system effectively inoperable, but still prompted to press F1. The keyboard error was just the most commonly encountered, of course.
It was error code 301, by the way. :)
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
the error pre-dates PS/2 keyboards, and the older keyboards with the larger connectors were hot-swappable
The IBM-PC and PS/2 keyboard interfaces were not designed to be hot-swappable. However, it tended to work anyway, provided POST completed initialization of the i8042 first. On occasion, though, a cheap clone would have a mobo that fried the keyboard controller if you tried to hot-swap it. Back in those days, new motherboards were *expensive*...
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
I seem to remember a few times getting all four: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail. Ah, DOS.
Yah. ARF came from the DOS "critical error" handler. Problems that required operator intervention were termed "critical errors", since the system could not proceed without help. When a BIOS or DOS system routine encountered such a problem, they invoked a software interrupt. The theory was that a good program could hook the interrupt and put in a more useful error handler. Obviously, not many programs did so.
Abort killed the running program or command, and returned you to the DOS prompt. Retry had DOS try again, without returning control to the caller. Ignore meant control was returned to the calling routine, as if nothing had gone wrong. Fail meant control was returned to the running routine, with an error status indication.
"Fail" might seem like a good idea, but it turns out that a lot of code didn't check the error status, leading to erratic behavior and/or just calling the same routine again.
There was some rhyme or reason to when which choices were displayed when, but I've long since forgotten it. Some of it might have had something to do with some commands being internal to COMMAND.COM and some being external programs, but the service routines all invoking the same "critical error" software interrupt.
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
When I spotted a bug in the output I typed...
list 1000-4000
and my program responded...
Really? Why?
Totally derailed my train of thought.