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Researchers Developing Cancer-Fighting Beer

Posted by samzenpus on from the drink-your-way-to-a-better-you dept.

CWmike writes "Ever picked up a cold, frosty beer on a hot summer's day and thought that it simply couldn't get any better? Well, think again. A team of researchers at Rice University in Houston is working on helping Joe Six Pack fight aging and cancer with every swill of beer." Thank you science! Now we just need cigarettes that cure baldness.

37 of 283 comments (clear)

  1. Baldness by TheSpoom · · Score: 5, Funny

    I think if Star Trek has taught us anything, it's that baldness is one thing that will never be cured.

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    1. Re:Baldness by geekoid · · Score: 5, Funny

      In Star Trek Appearance doesn't matter. Only disobeying rules at key moments matters.

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:Baldness by grahamd0 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Curing baldness would probably be one of the evils that was abandoned after the Eugenics Wars. I'll note that Khan had a full head of hair. It's a slippery slope from Rogaine to genocide.

    3. Re:Baldness by syousef · · Score: 2, Funny

      In Star Trek Appearance doesn't matter. Only disobeying rules at key moments matters.

      In that case, here's your new red shirt. We were going to give you the blue shirt, but that wouldn't tell the audience that you're about to die. The way team will be beaming down to the dangerous planet immediately.

      --
      These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
    4. Re:Baldness by lysergic.acid · · Score: 5, Funny

      that's a common misconception. they're actually killed by sudden intense bursts of high-energy gamma rays, which are invisible to the naked eye. the sparks are secondary effects added artificially by the ship's computer system to make the crewmen's deaths look more festive.

      this feature was deemed necessary to save doomed crew members from the shame of dying unceremoniously by innocuous-looking console malfunctions. in fact, before the pyrotechnic sparks and digital sound effects were added, many console operators' deaths would go unnoticed for hours, and sometimes even days. often Starfleet captains would unknowingly complete entire missions with a bridge full of dead crewmen sitting at their consoles--this is also why officers are now required to stand at the tactical station.

  2. Shoot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I'd be happy if it just cured my 'roids :)

  3. Rice? by Hatta · · Score: 5, Funny

    Beer from Rice University? I hope it doesn't taste like Budweiser.

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    Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
    1. Re:Rice? by ArcherB · · Score: 4, Funny

      Beer from Rice University? I hope it doesn't taste like Budweiser.

      It it's from Rice, that makes it Sake.

      (duh!)

      --
      There is no "I disagree" mod for a reason. Flamebait, Troll, and Overrated are not substitutes.
    2. Re:Rice? by pipingguy · · Score: 2, Funny

      Guinness is a meal, not a beverage.

  4. Spinal detachment by isBandGeek() · · Score: 5, Funny
    TFA:

    And they added that giving high doses to invertebrates extends their life spans

    So if we remove our spines and drink a lot of this miracle beer, we can increase our lifespans? Tell me where to get this beer!

    1. Re:Spinal detachment by w0mprat · · Score: 3, Funny

      Oh, you can skip a step there: Some of us have no feature of anatomy resembling a spine!

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    2. Re:Spinal detachment by pluther · · Score: 3, Funny

      So it only works on Democrats?

      --
      If the masses can keep you down, you're not the Ubermensch.
    3. Re:Spinal detachment by Digital+End · · Score: 2, Funny

      Unfortunatly yes. Republicans, being a form of cancer themselves, should probably avoid this one.

      --
      Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart, he dreams himself your master.
  5. Alcohol, the cause of and solution to. . . by Apple+Acolyte · · Score: 5, Funny

    To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -Homer Simpson

    --
    Part of the hardcore faithful who believed in Apple long before it was cool again to do so
  6. Baldness is not a disease! by ODBOL · · Score: 5, Funny

    > Now we just need cigarettes that cure baldness.

    Now, cut it out! God made a few good heads. He had to cover the rest with hair.

    --
    Mike O'Donnell http://people.cs.uchicago.edu/~odonnell/
    1. Re:Baldness is not a disease! by camperdave · · Score: 2, Funny

      Now, cut it out! God made a few good heads. He had to cover the rest with hair.

      One I've always liked is:
      "We were all born with the same amount of testosterone. If you want to waste yours growing hair, that's your business."

      --
      When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
  7. Re:Guinness already does it... by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Yeah, the science is still out on 'Zapping' oxidants.

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  8. Re:I liked it, but... by CaptainPatent · · Score: 3, Funny

    SHHHHHH!

    that completely invalidates our excuse then:

    "Honey, Would you put that beer down and go mow the lawn?!"
    "Can't sweetie, it's time for my treatment!"

    --
    Well, back to rejecting software patent applications.
  9. Chemotherapy by dark+grep · · Score: 2, Funny

    So the 'liquid lunch' now becomes chemotherapy. Huzzah!

  10. Did anyone else... by resignator · · Score: 5, Funny

    read this as' "Cancer-Fighting Bear"? I was seriously concerned there for a moment.

    --
    "At first, we thought it was just another snake cult."
    1. Re:Did anyone else... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      His name, of course, would be Lumpy the Bear. Think about it.

  11. Re:Wine by Ortega-Starfire · · Score: 4, Funny

    Ah, but who will metamod your moderations in drinking? I'm moderately worried about this.

    --
    ---- Liquid was a patriot ----
  12. Re:Just great by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    and typing lessons? :P

  13. Clinical Trials by AikonMGB · · Score: 4, Funny

    Where do we apply for clinical trials?!

    Aikon-

  14. Re:I liked it, but... by philspear · · Score: 2, Funny

    In general, the addition of the resveratrol shouldn't affect the taste of the beer, since the chemical is odorless and tasteless, he said.

    So, why not adding it to... water? Because that way you wouldn't get in the newspaper, not even a /. mention?

    Dude, shut up! Seriously... Next you'll be on about how you can get the benefits of the glass of wine a day in a capsule without having to drink a glass of wine, or about how the health benefits from sex are the same for masturbation. You callous bastard, what are you trying to do, drive up the suicide rate?

  15. What about AIDS-fighting condoms?... by hotfireball · · Score: 2, Funny

    OK, what about AIDS-fighting condoms?...

  16. Don't diss the bears! by dreamchaser · · Score: 3, Funny

    Do not underestimate the potential of nanobears with regards to their ability to fight diseases like cancer. I for one welcome our microscopic ursine overlords.

  17. Re:So true by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    yeah, some people think brewing their own beer automatically raises them to supreme beer snob status.

    me: uh, is this beer really supposed to be stringy?
    homebrewer: you just don't know good beer.
    me: i hope it's the good kind of bacteria

  18. New Support Group by karlwilson · · Score: 2, Funny

    For those who just can't brink themselves to drink. Teetotalers Anonymous.

  19. Re:I liked it, but... by Molochi · · Score: 2, Funny

    That's why god put cupholders on riding lawnmowers.

    --
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  20. Beer... by onemorechip · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...is there nothing it can't do?

    --
    But, I wanted socialized health insurance!
  21. Re:Making love in a canoe by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Any drink that becomes more palatable the colder it gets is not worth drinking in the first place. What next -- Bud Numb, with anaesthetics to dull your tastebuds while you desperately try to prove your manliness by downing the foul stuff without vomiting?

  22. Re:Guinness already does it... by NoisySplatter · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's because nobody wanted to drink the last little bit left in the bottle so they removed it preemptively.

    --
    In Soviet Russia meme tires of you!
  23. Re:So true by PinkyDead · · Score: 4, Funny

    Shit! How could I have been so wrong all my life! Thanks for opening my eyes. Nary a drop of that evil black stuff will pass my lips ever again, it's homebrew from here on in.

    One question, though, how long does it actually take before I'm a fully fledged member of the "Association Of Home Brewers and Other Tedious Arseholes That Sit At Home On Their Own Smugly Pontificating About How They Know Everything Society"?

    Get over yourself.

    --
    Genesis 1:32 And God typed :wq!
  24. Re:Making love in a canoe by Hotawa+Hawk-eye · · Score: 4, Funny

    Here's your lukewarm glass of water. If you want something else, we also have lukewarm milk.

  25. I apologize in advance... by BForrester · · Score: 4, Funny

    Hence motto, "to baldly go where no one has gone before."

  26. Re:Making love in a canoe by Windows_NT · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hey,
    Budweiser is a good beer. and let me remind you its not a dark beer. Yes there is a lot of water in it. But it does have a good taste. And also, you should try the new Budweiser American Lager, Its pretty good i think.
    thats just my two sense. Im just sick of people talking shit about budweiser when all they drink is Bush light!

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