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Ballmer Ordered To Testify In 'Vista Capable' Case

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the take-the-stand-monkey-man dept.

alphadogg writes "A federal judge in Seattle has ordered Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to testify in a class action lawsuit against Microsoft that alleges the company misled consumers in a marketing campaign for its Windows Vista operating system in which computers sold with an older Microsoft OS were labeled 'Vista Capable' when in fact they could only run a basic version of Vista. Ballmer has unique personal knowledge of facts surrounding the case, therefore he must face questioning, Judge Marsha Pechman of the US District Court for the Western District of Washington at Seattle ruled, according to court documents released late Friday."

28 of 235 comments (clear)

  1. Ballmer in court by rallymatte · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wonder if they allow chair-throwing in court these days.
    If they do, I think Microsoft stands a pretty good chance.

    1. Re:Ballmer in court by Andr+T. · · Score: 5, Funny

      What about monkey-dancing? The judge will be amazed!

      --

      Any life is made up of a single moment, the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who he is.

    2. Re:Ballmer in court by FinchWorld · · Score: 5, Funny

      Judge: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys, but I got a few complaints this case is crooked.
      Ballmer: [laughs] And how.
      Judge: Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little, uh, understanding here. [Holds out the palm of his hand and motions his fingers so as to suggest that this is a bribe]
      Ballmer: I understand.
      Bill: Um, hey, Ballmer, I-- I think he wants--
      Ballmer: Not right now, Bill. Monkey Boy is talking to a Judge.
      Judge: Uh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. [nods as he says Bill] Have you seen any Bills around here? [nods]
      Ballmer: Yes. [points at Bill] He's Bill.
      Judge: [groans] I-- Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
      Ballmer: Okay.
      Judge: The guy I'm really looking for--wink--is Mr. Bribe--wink, wink. [holds out hand again]
      Ballmer: It's a lightweight operating system.
      Jusge: All right, that's it, I'm shutting this shit down.

      --
      "I may be full of crap about this game, and I may be wrong, and that's fine." -Jack Thompson
    3. Re:Ballmer in court by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      all rise .... and duck!

    4. Re:Ballmer in court by Coraon · · Score: 4, Funny

      and here I was expecting when the lawyers have him in the box and ask him who's at fault him to say 'developers' like 50+ times...

      --
      -Ours is the wisdom of Solomon, the magic of Merlyn, the fall of Icaris.
    5. Re:Ballmer in court by Kagura · · Score: 3, Funny

      I wonder if they allow chair-throwing in court these days.
      If they do, I think Microsoft stands a pretty good chance.

      Unfortunately for him, Ballmer is being kept in a special plastic prison. All chairs have been replaced by ultra-light-weight plastic versions that will cause little harm if thrown. And as an added contingency measure, the chairs have been bolted down in the special courtroom. Unless a blue shape-shifter smuggles in a chair, it looks like he is stuck here permanently.

    6. Re:Ballmer in court by jeffasselin · · Score: 3, Funny

      I just had the image of Ballmer being brought in the courtroom in full Hannibal Lecter setup :-)

      --
      If he explores all forms and substances Straight homeward to their symbol-essences; He shall not die.
    7. Re:Ballmer in court by AioKits · · Score: 5, Funny

      It's a good thing Jusge broke in at the end to put an end to all this corruption!

      --
      "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
    8. Re:Ballmer in court by Dystopian+Rebel · · Score: 5, Funny

      Prosecution: Following all the evidence that we have seen, in which many different customers and partners of Microsoft mention discussing the problems with you, do you maintain that you had no knowledge of these problems?

      Ballmer: Erg... ugh... errg!

      Judge: MISTER Ballmer! You have been warned before. I will find you in contempt of this court if you continue your attempts to dislodge the seat in the witness stand.

      Ballmer: [Sits down, sweaty. Sighs.]

      Judge: Answer the question, Mr Ballmer.
      MISTER BALLMER! Why are you painting your face blue?!

      Ballmer: I'm a PC and... I have just crashed.

      --
      Rich And Stupid is not so bad as Working For Rich And Stupid.
    9. Re:Ballmer in court by ubrgeek · · Score: 3, Funny

      Judge: Mr. Ballmer, will you please take the stand?

      Ballmer: Sure. Where do you want it to land?

      --
      Bark less. Wag more.
    10. Re:Ballmer in court by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

      Jusge for supreme court!!

      Replace Scalia!!

    11. Re:Ballmer in court by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 3, Funny

      I wonder if they allow chair-throwing in court these days.

      If they do, I think Microsoft stands a pretty good chance.

      The judge rules from the bench. She'd fsck'ing p3wn him.

    12. Re:Ballmer in court by Poltras · · Score: 4, Funny

      Hey! You gotta chair-ish some humor around. As long as it's on topic...

      --
      Of Code And Men
    13. Re:Ballmer in court by MobileTatsu-NJG · · Score: 2, Funny

      Just wait until the judge decides to throw the book at Ballmer.

      Oh yes, cos that cliche's less old than Ballmer's chair throwing. Why don't you work out a way to say "I can see my house from here!" in there, too?

      --

      "I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)

  2. And as a precaution... by Constantine+XVI · · Score: 3, Funny

    ...all courtroom furniture will be bolted down.

    --
    "I think an etch-a-sketch with an ethernet port would beat IE7 in web standards compliance."
    1. Re:And as a precaution... by TemporalBeing · · Score: 2, Funny

      Then he just goes flying with the chair...

      --
      Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away. - Elvis Presley (source: imdb.com)
  3. Suggestions to Steve by mcgrew · · Score: 2, Funny
    1. Don't throw any chairs. Judges hate it when you throw chairs.
    2. Don't say "I'm gonna fucking KILL" anything or anybody. Judges hate that, too.

    I know this because of a child support hearing I had to attend in 2004 (I was trying to get child support from my ex-wife). Please don't follow Mr. Johnson's example:

    There was a huge black man standing before the judge. Apparently this fellow was unemployed and hadn't been paying his child support.

    "Look, Judge, I gots no problem with child support."

    "Yes, you do," the judge replied. "You may not have a problem with the idea of child support, but you do have a problem with actually paying it.

    There was some nearely subaudible back and forth between the judge and the large man standing before him, when the judge said "Do you think this is a joke, Mister Johnson?"

    Mr. Johnson replied quietly, too quiet to hear. The judge repeated, "I'll ask you again, Mr. Johnson," very firmly, "Do you think this is a joke??"

    "I gots no fuckin' money!" Johnson replied. "You gonna sent me to jail?"

    "Would you like me to cite you for contempt, Mr. Johnson?"

    "Fuck you, motherfucker!" Gasps and giggles from the gallery...

    "Contempt of court!" the judge ordered. "Take him to jail."

    "Fuck you!" Johnson added rather stupidly.

    "That's two" the judge said.

    "Fuck you! Eat shit cocksucker!"

    "That's three."

    "Kiss my big black ass, motherfucker. Fuck you!"

    "That's four!"

    "Suck my dick bitch!"

    By the time he got to eight, Mr. Johnson was being led out in handcuffs.

    Don't let that happen to you, Mr. ballmer!

    --
    Free Martian Whores!
    1. Re:Suggestions to Steve by Ritz_Just_Ritz · · Score: 2, Funny

      The prospect of Mr. Ballmer sitting in a cell chewing on a pillow would indeed be karmic since Microsoft's customers have been assuming the position ever since Vista was released. Cue the banjo music.

  4. Re:Hmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    wrestle the leviathan.

    That sounds like a lovely euphemism for an action that's... well... more pleasurable than dealing with Vista that's for sure.

  5. Capable doesn't means complete by MosesJones · · Score: 5, Funny

    Part of the issue here is the meaning of the word capable. Balmer has already said that Vista isn't really a capable operating system (or at least wasn't when launched) so surely the argument therefore is that a machine that is incapable of running Vista is therefore getting exactly the same experience (or better) than someone who is actually running Vista.

    Thus actually Vista Capable is a comparison between XP and Vista and thus you are better off having XP as that is just as capable as Vista.

    Come on are we seriously thinking that Balmer can't talk his way around the word Capable?

    --
    An Eye for an Eye will make the whole world blind - Gandhi
    1. Re:Capable doesn't means complete by twl1973 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Just use the Bill Clinton defense: It depends on your definition of the word "is".

  6. AAARRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!! by mfh · · Score: 2, Funny

    {{Throws chair at judge.}}

    --
    The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
    1. Re:AAARRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!! by dkleinsc · · Score: 3, Funny

      Steve Ballmer is many things, but he's not a pirate.

      --
      I am officially gone from /. Long live http://www.soylentnews.com/
  7. Re:Hmm by idontgno · · Score: 4, Funny

    For certain small values of "Vista". And a sufficiently tolerant definition of "runs".

    --
    Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
  8. words words words by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 2, Funny

    Vista-capable.

    Is that a euphemism like "handicapable" instead of handicapped?

    Talk about your PC language...

  9. Re:Hmm by mseidl · · Score: 3, Funny

    I have a laptop I bought in April, 4GB RAM, and Vista (preinstalled) has always just been obscenely slow when doing anything like logging in, switching users, etc. Absolutely ridiculous.

    Have you tried to reconfigure, optimize and recompile your kernel?

  10. The only reason the judge is having him called by Killer+Orca · · Score: 2, Funny

    Is so he can finally get someone to give him a straight answer about where that any key is.

  11. What is the big deal here? by mlawrence · · Score: 3, Funny

    The computers were labeled as "Vista Capable" when in fact they could only run a basic version? SO WHAT??? I'm pushing 40, and although I'm "Sex Capable", most women don't expect the more advanced features such as more than once an hour.