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Jobs On Track For June Return
nandemoari writes "On Tuesday, Apple shareholders gathered at Apple's Cupertino corporate campus continued their pursuit of details regarding Apple chief Steve Jobs' health. They didn't get a whole heck of a lot of information out of Apple's executives, but they did receive some encouraging news on Jobs' status.
Timothy Cook, Apple's chief operating officer, assured shareholders that Jobs still planned to return to the company in June.
Jobs obviously wasn't present at the meeting, which might have made it rather uncomfortable when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.' Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday."
They sang Happy Birthday to Steve! My life is now complete that I got to hear this great news.
But what happens when they get sued because they don't own the rights to that song....
See my journal for slashdot ID's by year. Mine created in 2005. http://slashdot.org/journal/289875/slashdot-ids-by-year
I've always been a PC at heart.
Not like the rest, the others. Everyone around me. I was at odds with my society and knew it early since birth. Unlike them, I did not "Think Different!"--the mantra of the Macs around me, the phrase on all the billboards in the city that served as a reminder to its citizenry. Sameness pervaded the essence of my being and no amount of self-conditioning I did could change that. Eventually, I gave up and isolated myself emotionally from society.
I gaze at the faces going by, the white earphones contrasting their black turtlenecks, connecting their ears to their pockets, their blank faces engrossed in hip Indie rock music and various garage bands. I envied them for their perfection against my flaws and my compulsive nature to expand, to burden my life with troubles instead of remaining, like them, simple and easy to deal with. The grandest of virtues, simplicity... the philosophy by our loyal benefactor Steve Jobs, who descended from the heavens, creating the Earth, the iron, the wind and the rain. Steve Jobs, who defined the parameters of existence, the one who set about the patterns of reality, the constants, the variables. He who made gravity, electromagnetic energy, and shaped atomic structures and brought forth motion. From these things, he crafted the elements, processed them, refined them, and from these things engineered Apple products through the purity of his mind. Each Apple product was individually crafted by his own hands with the programming code used to run each device having being compiled in his brain and uploaded to each device telepathically, breathing life and perfection into each and every unit.
Except, it seems, for me, for I was not among the many. I was a PC. They were Macs. I've always been a cold, stiff person. I got by, disguising myself by keeping my non-Ipod music player safely out of sight, which I use because of my depraved nature demanding more functionality than the simple and easy-to-use Ipods have to offer... In the safety of my own home, behind locked doors, I ran a Forbidden, a contraband computer from more depraved, earlier days that was not given the love and blessing of being birthed by Steve Jobs. I dual booted, out of the great sin of curiosity-- curiosity, a shameful value of a PC, as curiosity has no place where simplicity matters most--using two of the great unutterable blasphemies-- something called "Windows Vista" and something else called "Linux." Although, as I mentioned before, although my tendency to be a PC and towards conformity has always been inherent to me, I was truly transformed when I found these old things in a hidden cache of computer parts predating The Purging. Perhaps the greatest sin of all, the single evil that, if discovered, would damn me forever, was the fact that my mouse had more than one button.
As I walked on among the Macs on the streets, passing the Starbuckses as I went along, I wondered how it all came to this. I glanced at The Holy Marks on the foreheads as the people wandered down the streets, the Bitten Apple tattooed on all our of us at birth, and wondered if, perhaps, there could be something more to life. But again, this was a PC's thought, and not, like everyone elses', a Mac's. We were to hold ourselves to the philosophy of Steve Jobs--so as his products were designed for idiots, so too were we to be idiots. But I was not a Mac--I was not an idiot. I was simply too complicated to be a worthwhile person.
Nature called. I found a nearby public iPoo--squeaky clean and sparkly white, things weren't all bad--and let myself go, expelling the waste that had accumulated inside me. After relieving myself and committing the overly-complicated and thus illegal act of wiping my ass (I did not flush as iPoos, designed to be idiot-proof, did not flush) I left and once again wandered the streets aimlessly, hoping to find some meaning in a world where I simply did not belong, a world where if my true nature was discovered, I would be endlessly persecuted by smug, self-righteous sons of bitches.
Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday
"Passed on", Gracie? Could you have chosen a worse phrase? Or where you trying to glom Google hits from the query: [jobs "passed on"]
It says Jobs passed on Tuesday! : o
This guy's the limit!
By "Jobs" I thought it meant work, and by "June", I thought I could end my unemployment streak in a few years.
Thank goodness! Like everyone, I've felt the crunch since the economy's been in the tank but I knew that eventually the jobs would return.
after dwindling activity on some usual chat haunts earlier.
see how playing the secrecy game bites you in the end?
draw your own conclusions, but at minimum, FTC is going to come down on Apple for inadequate disclosure, and thus stock manipulation. bet on it.
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
Good: Steve Jobs will be back on June
Bad: (American) Jobs won't
Oh thank God, you're talking about apple. For a minute there I thought it was about the economy.
More music, fewer hits
I don't think it was uncomfortable to have "Happy Birthday" being sung to a person not present, but rather uncomfortable because you're trying to sing to the CEO of the company. Seems a little strange...
The Taxidermists are working night and day to have him ready for his triumphant return.
It had be better a lot quicker than that, I'm running out of gas money.
Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
*sniff* Yes he does. He loves each and everyone of us, just as we are.
Scientists point out problems, engineers fix them
altslashdot.org: The future of slashdot.
Besides the summary making it seem like Steve Jobs is dead, the title made it seem like the economy was going to bounce back in less than 5 years.
For words can not express my thoughts on the parent post.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Wow, I didn't think Obama could fix the economy so quickly! Yay, jobs for everone!
Though he'd love you a bit more if you bought a Macbook and spent some more at the iTunes store.
The enemies of Democracy are
Doesn't he usually arise on Easter Sunday?
I don't care. But I do care enough to say so.
"...whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive...it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it..."
The mascot returns, good for Apple.
At a minimum, the FTC SHOULD go after Apple for those things.
At a maximum, there'll be a report saying everything is hunky-dory.
Remember when ol' Steve was caught backdating stock options?
What will be the price per disk?
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Trick question! Steve Jobs is Jesus Christ!
Virginia is for lovers. EVE is for griefers.
A computer is just a computer. A corporation is just a corporation. Jesus Christ, people. Steve Jobs does not care about you. At all. At all. At ALL!
Oh, he definitely cares about you. He cares that you buy his products, he cares that you like his products and he cares that you continue to spend money on his company.
He does care - just like every other person who wants to make money.
*sniff* Yes he does. He loves each and everyone of us, just as we are.
If you're referring to "we" as Apple stockholders, you've got every right to be sobbing...
Better hope the Return of the almighty iYoda will bring the iForce(Feed) back.
I don't think it was uncomfortable to have "Happy Birthday" being sung to a person not present, but rather uncomfortable because you're trying to sing to the CEO of the company. Seems a little strange...
If an iTree falls in the woods, and Steve is not around to hear it, does it still count for click revenue on iTunes?
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Anyone else read that as "Zune Return" and then belly-laugh?
I want to delete my account but Slashdot doesn't allow it.
It is "Jobs's health," not "Jobs' health." I am amazed at how many publications have gotten this wrong.
Was I the only one who read the headline as the end of the recession? :/ duh!
Since Jobs seems to have completely disappeared, I wouldn't be surprised to see him wheeled out with a big hat on, stuffed like Samuel Bentham. Not that the personality cultists would notice.
Oh the CEO...
"...when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.'" You can't tell me it's not a for-profit cult. Just be happy they don't sell Kool-Aid in the Apple stores. ...then again.
Jobs obviously wasn't present at the meeting, which might have made it rather uncomfortable when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.'
If he doesn't do it while he is still able to make such a graceful transition, the interests of the stockholders will not be served. When anything bad is reported about Job's health, Apple stock drops. (So much for corporations being beholden to the shareholders... that is just a convenient excuse after all isn't it? Corporate leaders continue to do whatever they want regardless of what shareholders think.) I can't imagine what will happen to Apple once Jobs is gone, but as I have ventured to guess in the past, perhaps it would finally allow Apple to compete better in the corporate marketplace than it does presently. (I have made a nice rant regarding Apple as little more than a toymaker if they can't offer the kinds of support and warranties that business needs in order to perceive a product as dependable.)
If the govenment hadn't tried to bail things out this would have been largely confined to the portion of the financial sector that gave out the bad housing loans or used the bum risk assessment methodology, along with people who lied on their loan applications or overbought houses. (And a little temporary depression of commodity prices while those who wrote insurance policies on the high-end mortgage-basket investment paper held a fire sale to raise money to pay off the damage claims - which means bargain prices for some manufacturers and consumers.) It would all have sorted out in a couple years.
Instead the government has sucked the blood out of the rest of the economy to pay off the guys who made or took the bad loans. They get rewarded while everybody who did everything right (except maybe vote for these idiots) gets ripped off and maybe kicked out of work.
This is how the Great Depression happened.
Except this time it's a lot worse. Expect the economy to be tanked and bread lines for a decade or two - maybe until the boomers are all dead. Or maybe a political upheaval on the scale of the Communist Revolution (though not necessarily as wrong-headed) or the fall of the Soviet Union.
If you have land available plant a garden right now. You may need it by harvest time - and certainly by harvest time in a year or two (when you've gotten over the first couple crop failures as you figure out how to farm).
Bantam Dominique roosters crow a four-note song. Once you've heard it as "Happy BIRTHday" you can't NOT hear it that way
... I thought this posting was about the economy.
Probably too sedated to use computers.
http://www.cringely.com/2009/02/wheres-steve/
Cringely's new block has post claiming Steve has dropped off the internet.
Read what you want into that or take it with a grain of salt.
Think Deeply.
Any successor that tries to be the "next Steve Jobs" is destined to fail. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't have some of his talents and/or skills, but just swapping him out with someone who talks like him and hoping to keep that "majick" going is not going to work. There are lots of ways to run a successful company, even Apple.
A CEO that can keep Apple focused and efficient should do ok. The company has plenty of talented employees, decent products, and a very strong brand. As long as they continue to expand their product lineup slowly and carefully, their engineers and designers will come up with good stuff.
Part of that focus means a continued general neglect of the corporate marketplace. I don't know if I've read your rant about Apple as a toymaker, but I'd argue that Apple's lack of warranties and such are less about incompetence, and more about a conscious decision to avoid that market. It's a market of very thin margins, and as such, it only makes money for you if you capture a big chunk of it. We can make predictions and argue all day about whether or not the Mac could get that big chunk, but it looks like Apple has gone through that exercise before and decided that their effort is better spent expanding into the consumer music and phone business instead. And it seems to be working out well for them.
One time I threw a brick at a duck.
By "Jobs" I thought it meant work, and by "June", I thought I could end my unemployment streak in a few years.
Nope, there won't be any jobs returning by June. Except maybe perhaps in the firearms and ammo factories.
Please do post some more Apple news, nerds are so very very interested in them..
Sarcasm noted. We'll just keep it limited to just Linux, Firefox, and Windows 7 fellatio cos, you know, only Apple has fanboys.
"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)
Exactly! Otherwise, Steve turns into The Fleshreaper and starts collecting torsos.
Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
Yeah. How dare he come down with a dangerous illness? His fiduciary duty to the other shareholders requires him to become immortal and impervious to all harm, ala Dr Manhattan in Watchmen (won't that have an effect on tales of the Reality Distortion Field around him?).
Seriously, the stock price fluctuations are the fault of fanbois on Wall Street, not his actions or inaction.p And your rant is of no interest to anyone unless you are a shareholder, in which case you can go to the shareholder meetings and try to get it on the agenda.
If there is anything selfish about the way he does things, it would be the way everything is done his way. Some would say that is his majick, his god-like vision. Whatever it is, it has made his successful company VERY dependent on him. When he is gone what then? When the founder of IBM left, did IBM lose any reputation or public image? I don't actually know what happened to stock value but I'll bet whatever happened, it was not particularly dramatic. Apple is Jobs... Jobs means Apple. The connection is too close.
I think the difference is that "Jobs stopped by some guy's desk for a quick followup to last week's TPS meeting at 12:45 EST" is considered news for some reason, just because it involves Apple and Steve Jobs. This is a total non-story -- unconfirmed rumors of how Jobs might or might not be returning to Apple a few months down the road, and how some people sang to him while he wasn't there. Woo.
By and large, Linux, Windows, and other news only gets posted when something happens or there is some information about the actual product or service. We don't need to hear about every damn move an egomaniacal micromanager makes.
mirrorshades radio -- darkwave, industrial, futurepop, ebm.
The bad Karma from Appl&euro is taking his life. Perhaps this time he will learn.
By and large, Linux, Windows, and other news only gets posted when something happens or there is some information about the actual product or service.
That's a matter of perspective and interest. Jobs's health has a huge effect on Apple. "Are Windows 7 Testers Going Unheard?" is sensationalist bullshit. Whether or not you click on either depends on what you're interested in. The actual value of it doesn't play at all. It's all about fap-value.
"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)
So say we all.
.... would this be the second coming of the messiah or the third?
I don't mind seeing this everytime an apple fanboi comes out with some lame excuse for his apple/jobs worship.