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Cutting Steel With Flaming Bacon Weapons

Posted by samzenpus on from the Kingdom-of-Loathing-gets-a-little-more-real dept.

Ed Pegg writes "Theo Gray demonstrates the Bacon Lance, a flaming meatsword that can cut through steel. Yes, with some ordinary bacon, and some pure oxygen, it's possible to cut through security doors. Form the article, 'I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half. My initial attempts were failures, but I knew success was within reach when I was able to ignite and melt the pan using seven beef sticks and a cucumber.' This comes out right after his profusely illustrated book of science experiments, Mad Science."

73 comments

  1. Reminds me... by ExploHD · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Around the time Attack of the Clones, Wienerschnitzel cashed in with their own light saber type toy called a Wiener Saber... It was an off red color, almost pink...

  2. Theodore Gray by Zouden · · Score: 5, Informative

    Is also known as the guy who made a periodic table table (for which he was awarded an Ig Nobel Prize).

    --
    "A week in the lab saves an hour in the library"
    1. Re:Theodore Gray by arizwebfoot · · Score: 1

      An hour in the library with a really hot girl in the broom closet is worth a several weeks in the lab.

      --
      Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    2. Re:Theodore Gray by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      Well, it certainly might cost you that much...

      Depending, of course - but on what, I can't say.

    3. Re:Theodore Gray by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wait, I thought he was still being held at the Dreadfort, where he is reportedly being flayed by the Boltons.

      A song of bacon and fire?

    4. Re:Theodore Gray by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I used prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon") because it is a superior engineering grade of meat.

      What a guy.

    5. Re:Theodore Gray by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why does she have to be hot? You can't see all that well in a broom closet anyway...

    6. Re:Theodore Gray by dumuzi · · Score: 1

      If only there was a little blue pill for Karma.

    7. Re:Theodore Gray by Darby · · Score: 1

      Why does she have to be hot? You can't see all that well in a broom closet anyway...

      You want to come out of the closet to cheers, not jeers ;-)

    8. Re:Theodore Gray by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Prosciutto is actually italian for ham...

    9. Re:Theodore Gray by somersault · · Score: 1

      Careful.. if you ever actually come out of the closet, she might turn out to be a man!

      --
      which is totally what she said
    10. Re:Theodore Gray by mikael · · Score: 1

      There's even a 3D periodic table jigsaw.

      --
      Vintage computer adverts: http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/computers-and-software-ads
  3. I don't know by guruevi · · Score: 1, Interesting

    Is it me or does that picture look like a melted 'pleasure device' on fire?

    --
    Custom electronics and digital signage for your business: www.evcircuits.com
    1. Re:I don't know by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I hardly think that is offtopic!

    2. Re:I don't know by Critical+Facilities · · Score: 1

      Is it me or does that picture look like a melted 'pleasure device' on fire?

      Or as the amazing FZ would say, a "lonely person device".

  4. Um... by ectotherm · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is this one of those Government "Pork Projects" I keep reading about? ;-)

    --
    "Nature bats last..."
    1. Re:Um... by LifesABeach · · Score: 2, Funny

      I just had this thought that this is one "Tool" that Islam will not use to "build" with...

  5. Prosciutto is not bacon by gyrogeerloose · · Score: 2, Insightful

    It's ham. But I still have to wonder if the expensive imported varieties make a better thermal lance than the cheap, domestic product

    --
    This ain't rocket surgery.
    1. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ahh, right. So prosciutto, being ham, comes from a pig, and bacon comes from.. what does bacon come from again?

    2. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by AnotherBlackHat · · Score: 0

      OP:

      Prosciutto is not bacon

      TFA:

      prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon")

    3. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ahh, right. So prosciutto, being ham, comes from a pig, and bacon comes from.. what does bacon come from again?

      A different part of the pig.

    4. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Eskarel · · Score: 3, Informative

      And TFA is wrong.

      Prosciutto is an expensive salt cured ham. You do not need to cook it. Even if it came from the same part of the pig and was otherwise identical to bacon(which it isn't) the salt curing would be more than enough to make it different. It's chemically different than regular(or even canadian) bacon and at the least contains a whole heck of a lot of salt which regular bacon does not.

    5. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "at the least contains a whole heck of a lot of salt which regular bacon does not."

      Every looked into how bacon is made? I've made bacon and I know the truth, you can't handle the truth.

    6. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Expensive? I live in Italy, you insensitive clods!

    7. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      more over:

      prosciutto is acqually general we have both "prosciutto crudo" raw ham (which i what you were discussing.) and "prosciutto cotto" which is something totally different its cooked.

    8. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Nick+Number · · Score: 4, Funny

      I've made bacon and I know the truth, you can't handle the truth.

      Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls need to be guarded by men with flaming bacon lances.

      Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? That ain't kosher.

      I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and curse the Marines; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved your bacon, and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

      You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall; you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, prosciutto. We use them as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline.

      I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under a blanket of the very bacon I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way.

      Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a bacon lance and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

      n who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very bacon I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way.

      Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a bacon lance and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

      --
      Promote proofreading. Don't mod up sloppy posts.
    9. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by Nick+Number · · Score: 1

      Gah, mod me down. I deserve it.

      That's what I get for over-proofreading and copying and pasting too many times.

      --
      Promote proofreading. Don't mod up sloppy posts.
    10. Re:Prosciutto is not bacon by NotBornYesterday · · Score: 1

      Are you kidding? With that sig, I thought you were making a hilarious meta-joke. You should've just let it be.

      --
      I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
  6. This is why fat chicks are hot by atari2600 · · Score: 1

    Well, the potential's always there...

  7. Bacon AK-47 by some_guy_88 · · Score: 1

    A bacon sword is one thing. A bacon AK-47 is another.

  8. Meatsword? Really? by pete-classic · · Score: 4, Funny

    Dear Ed,

    However many times you considered and reconsidered using the world "meatsword" in your summary, double it next time. Unless it was fewer than three, in which case, double that.

    This guideline clearly doesn't apply if you're writing slash fiction. (Which, I might add, might be a fine way for you to channel this sort of thing in the future.)

    Other than that, I think you should follow this guideline.

    Thanks,
    Peter

  9. new meaning to bringing home the bacon by MoFoQ · · Score: 1

    this adds new meaning to the old adage "bringing home the bacon"...in this case...a tool for cutting/welding steel

  10. lolage by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I know something else you could be doing with 7 meat sticks and a cucumber... ;)

  11. That is more real for the Jedis by kentsin · · Score: 1

    I never buy light.

  12. i gotta say it by indy_Muad'Dib · · Score: 2, Funny

    PORKSWORD!!!!!!


    yea go ahead and mod me down, i deserve it.

    but it was worth it.

  13. also known as by nimbius · · Score: 1

    I wrapped an oxygen lance in bacon for a laugh.

    --
    Good people go to bed earlier.
    1. Re:also known as by Cyberax · · Score: 1

      You don't get it - the bacon itself is the fuel for the lance.

    2. Re:also known as by fractoid · · Score: 1

      Nar, the bacon's really just the delicious pilot light. The oxygen itself does all the work.

      --
      Rampant carbon sequestration destroyed the Dinosaurs' tropical paradise. I'm here to help repair the damage.
    3. Re:also known as by Cyberax · · Score: 1

      Nope. Oxygen does not burn, it can't generate heat by itself and you can't cut steel with pure oxygen.

      Bacon provides hydrocarbons which burn in the pure oxygen.

    4. Re:also known as by fluffy99 · · Score: 3, Informative

      Actually you can cut steel with pure oxygen - its called a cutting torch. With a cutting torch the flame is only there to get the metal up to the ignition point, after which the metal itself burns in the stream of oxygen. Once you get a cutting torch going and a cut started, you can actually turn off the actylene and continue with just the oxygen jet going.

      In the first video when you see the sparks flying, thats the metal buring in the oxygen rich flow.

    5. Re:also known as by big+tex · · Score: 1

      Entirely correct.

      However, since it's a lance, not a torch, he's substituting the magnesium rods for bacon.

      --
      I think I need a new sig here.
    6. Re:also known as by fluffy99 · · Score: 1

      But as a lance, it's pretty ineffective. He's just got an oxy-bacon torch instead of an oxyacetylene torch. He's just eventually melting through the metal, or gets it hot enough for the excess oxygen to burn the metal. A true lance is throwing much hotter flame on the order of 7000-8000 degrees.

    7. Re:also known as by LoRdTAW · · Score: 3, Informative

      Parent is correct. I had an oxy-propane torch for cutting and the torch handle has two mixing valves and then a trigger lever. You adjust the mixing valves to get a nice hot flame and then start to heat the metal. once it gets to the point where it begins to get yellow hot and starts to melt you squeeze the lever and out come a stream of oxygen. Then you start seeing sparks fly! At that point the flame isn't doing any cutting, the oxygen is.

      The "bacon" lance is a thermal lance that is made of meat. A real thermal lance is easy to make.You take a 1/2 piece of steel pipe, pack it full of thin steel rods and just connect a valve to one end that is hooked to an oxygen tank. You light it with a cutting torch and it works like the torch, only it does not have its own gaseous fuel source but instead burns the steel. They can punch holes through concrete and slice steel I beams like a hot knife through butter. As the lance burns it gets shorter, that is why some are upward of eight to ten feet long. If you ever get to see a bridge or overpass demolished you will see thermal lances used to cut the beams and anchors.

  14. The best story in a while by allawalla · · Score: 1

    Making bacon cut through iron... what is better than that?

    1. Re:The best story in a while by Jane+Q.+Public · · Score: 1

      Well, MY friend's meat can cut diamonds.

    2. Re:The best story in a while by LoRdTAW · · Score: 1

      You mean your friend bought diamonds to have his meat cut...er polished.

    3. Re:The best story in a while by Anubis350 · · Score: 1

      You mean your friend bought diamonds to have his meat cut...er polished.

      The meaning entirely depends on how kinky his friend is :-p

      --
      "goodbye and hello, as always" ~Prince Corwin, from Zelazny's Amber series
  15. "entirely from bacon" by Mister_Stoopid · · Score: 1

    I object, this device is clearly not made "entirely from bacon." >:(

    1. Re:"entirely from bacon" by PHPNerd · · Score: 1

      Yeah! Rabble! Rabble rabble rabble!

  16. Meatsword? by rob1980 · · Score: 1

    Your mom totally digs my meatsword.

    It's actually more of a meatclaymore, but let's not get bogged down in the details.

  17. I don't usually comment by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    But this is a *really* stupid story! Please punish the moderator!

  18. Fun in the camp fire! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I KNEW IT - Bacon does make me fart flames! Man, the guys on the hunting campout are going to be SO surprised !

  19. Hokey religions and ancient weapons... by Minwee · · Score: 5, Funny

    Ahh, the bacon laser sword. The chosen weapon of the Cheddar Monks.

    An elegant weapon, from a more civilized age.

    1. Re:Hokey religions and ancient weapons... by voss · · Score: 1

      A mod point, a mod point..a 2 year old cheddar for a mod point!

    2. Re:Hokey religions and ancient weapons... by rdwulfe · · Score: 1

      Ahh, the bacon laser sword. The chosen weapon of the Cheddar Monks.

      An elegant weapon, from a more civilized age.

      Hmn. Wouldn't it being the weapon of Cheddar monks make it from a more 'cultivated' age?

    3. Re:Hokey religions and ancient weapons... by 0WaitState · · Score: 2, Funny

      Depends, did the have a cheddite projector?

      --

      Remain calm! All is well!
    4. Re:Hokey religions and ancient weapons... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Cheddar Monks, eh? ...is that a Darths & Droids reference I'm detecting there? :)

  20. Oblig by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    In Soviet Russia, bacon fry pan!

    1. Re:Oblig by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      In Slashdot Idle, lunch cuts you.

  21. One more terrorist weapon.. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Great, now I won't even be able to bring a sandwich on an airplane anymore. Thanks alot!

  22. Kindom of Loathing by Dracil · · Score: 2, Informative

    Sounds like a weapon right out of that game. And if not, I can imagine them adding it in after this.

  23. LED's by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Can I cook hot dog's with these LED's?

  24. This book is hot by lucb · · Score: 1

    I just read the book, It is unbelievable. My favorite mad science story from theo's book is about the fastest way to heat a hot tub. The book is full of fantastic pictures made by the author. Most experiments generate intense metal melting heat. This book is hot!

  25. Wonder animal by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What can't bacon do?

    1. Re:Wonder animal by LeadLine · · Score: 1

      Prevent heart attacks.

  26. Beware by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Confucius says "Beware of butcher bearing bacon."

  27. I hope this will lead to the explanation by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I hope this will lead to the explanation..that the light saber is dependant on Gungan flesh as it's main source of power.

  28. Not Kosher! by Rockoon · · Score: 1

    Not Kosher!.

    (can't believe I'm the first to say it)

    --
    "His name was James Damore."
  29. Real Meat for Rocket Motors by DynaSoar · · Score: 4, Informative

    Mythbusters confirmed (episodes 51 and 64) a story about using salami http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MythBusters_(season_4)#Salami_Rocket as fuel in a hybrid rocket motor http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybrid_rocket , with nitrous oxide as an oxidizer. Their contention was that it was or could have been done in the US civil war. It was done in fact by an amateur rocketer. Oxidizing hydrocarbons produces energy, whether it's kerosene/LOX (a common combination since the V2) or lipids/Nox.

    --
    "I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid." -- Bishop 341-B
  30. Not exactly what I was expecting to wake up to. by Omegamogo · · Score: 1

    *Wakes up, brushes teeth*

    *Makes coffee*

    *Check Slashdot, reads about steel-cutting bacon swords*

    I see. Apparently I did not, in fact, adequately complete the first step in my regular morning routine. That is, waking up.

  31. Sorry, but *yawn*. by Ihlosi · · Score: 1

    In some class during my first year at the university, the professor used to cut through metal with a cigar (that had been dipped in liquid oxygen).

    Way cooler, since it also involved cryogenic liquids.