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Celebrate Your Next Birthday At the Microsoft Store

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the innovation-on-display dept.

theodp writes "Chuck E. Cheese, meet Bill H. Gates. A leaked PowerPoint posted at Gizmodo provides a glimpse of what Microsoft's retail shops may look like, noting that you'll even be able to pay to celebrate your birthday there. Some of the stores that were profiled for ideas were Nike, Nokia, Sony, Apple, and AT&T. Microsoft's take on the Genius Bar is the Answers Bar (aka Guru Bar, Windows Bar)."

27 of 301 comments (clear)

  1. Will it be next to the furniture store? by Nimey · · Score: 4, Funny

    'Cause I'd really like to throw a chair at a Google logo.

    --
    Hail Eris, full of mischief...

    E pluribus sanguinem
    1. Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? by derGoldstein · · Score: 4, Interesting

      1) ...and there was a breeze because all the windows crashed!

      2) ...and I felt kinda blue, because of all the BSODs flashing!

      3) ...and through the windows you could see a great Vista!

      4) ...and at the bar you can order using the Start Menu!

      5) ...and the place was entirely wet because of all the squirting!

      6) ...and all of the employees were carrying Notepads!

      7) ...and if you're tired you can take a nap, or sleep, or hibernate!

      8) ...and the clerk didn't know what I meant, so he said "Bad command or file name"!

      *sigh*

      --
      Entomologically speaking, the spider is not a bug, it's a feature.
    2. Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? by grcumb · · Score: 4, Funny

      MICROSOFT STORE: Abort [ ] Retry [ ] Fail [X]

      --
      Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
    3. Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? by master5o1 · · Score: 4, Funny

      You forgot, there would be some guy dressed up as a paperclip constantly bugging you asking questions like:

      "It appears you are trying to browse for Office software, would you like some help on purchasing Windows Seven?"

      --
      signature is pants
    4. Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? by siloko · · Score: 4, Funny

      Abort [ ] Retry [ ] Fail [X] - click, whirr, click, whirr, click, whirr
      Abort [ ] Retry [X] Fail [ ] - click, whirr, click, whirr, click, whirr
      Abort [X] Retry [ ] Fail [ ] - click, whirr, click, whirr, click, whirr

      What [ ] The [ ] Fuck [X]?

      Those were the days - bring back floppies! Maybe there'e a Memory Lane section in the Microsoft Store . . .

  2. I thought they were going to be Metaminds. by 0100010001010011 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Forged of eight Geniuses.

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/7/20/

  3. Bday! by ShakaUVM · · Score: 5, Funny

    "...noting that you'll even be able to pay to celebrate your birthday there."

    Will it include, complementary, one or two members of the Vista dev team that decided to break the reasonably good UI in Windows XP? Or one of the Office guys that thought getting rid of menus would be a great idea?

    Because then I'd pay to have my birthday party there.

    Oh, yes.

    1. Re:Bday! by Norsefire · · Score: 5, Funny

      Or one of the Office guys that thought getting rid of menus would be a great idea?

      They'll be there.

      They need someone to put the ribbon on the presents.

  4. Personalization by intx13 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I think Microsoft's new campaign of "personalization" is worthwhile, especially as a way to counter the "hipness" of Apple. With Apple you get popularity, but there's no uniqueness. Microsoft gave up on popularity, hipness after the failed Bill Gates/Seinfeld "quirky" commercials. Uniqueness and customization is a good strategy, I think. The "I'm a PC" commercials pushed it and the stores, as per the article, are making it a big focus.

    I don't really have any need to buy Microsoft products, but it's certainly interesting. It's new at least, and I think it has a shot at succeeding. Plus, having real people to talk to is a step towards making it easier to use a valid, purchased product than a pirated product, which is step 1 in fighting piracy (the real way).

  5. 2 Things: by SilverHatHacker · · Score: 5, Funny
    a) How much will a birthday party cost? I'm thinking:
    • ~$250 for the party (If you're 'upgrading' from last year's party, it's only $130)
    • For an extra $50, you can get "special features" which they will eventually be rolled out...we promise :)
    • $45 dollars for a cake, which can be eaten by a maximum of 3 people. If you want more people to eat it, you have to buy another 'cake-eating license'
    • A complimentary grab-bag of malware for every guest

    b) I wonder if they'd object if I stood outside and handed out Ubuntu CD's?

    --
    Funny may not give karma, but +5 Informative never made anyone snort coffee out their nose.
    1. Re:2 Things: by AHuxley · · Score: 5, Funny

      Dont forget MS cake will open both your ports as it runs on your system.

      --
      Domestic spying is now "Benign Information Gathering"
    2. Re:2 Things: by SetupWeasel · · Score: 4, Funny

      Some customers will sneak in at night and have their birthday parties for free. Eye patches will be mandatory.

    3. Re:2 Things: by stuboogie · · Score: 4, Interesting

      "I wonder if they'd object if I stood outside and handed out Ubuntu CD's?"

      Right...because the only reason Linux hasn't replaced Windows on most PCs, so far, is because Linux is so hard to get.

    4. Re:2 Things: by TheVelvetFlamebait · · Score: 4, Insightful

      No, I'm pretty sure he'd do it simply because it'd be funny.

      --
      You know, there is a difference between trolling and pointing out the flaws in your reasoning. Just saying.
  6. The Microsoft birthday song by $RANDOMLUSER · · Score: 5, Funny

    Happy birthday to you!
    Happy birthday to you!
    Happy birthday dear
    PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA
    Technical information: *** STOP: 0x00000050 (0x8872A990, 0x00000001, 0x804F35D7, 0x00000000)
    *** ati3diag.dll - Address ED80AC55 base at ED88F000, Date Stamp 3dcb24d0

    --
    No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Winston Churchill
  7. They should have called it... by PrimaryConsult · · Score: 5, Funny

    the Task Bar.

  8. Serve Beer... by binaryspiral · · Score: 4, Funny

    At least Chuck E. Cheese lets the parents get a pitcher to ease the pain of the entire experience.

    Microsoft better do the same.

  9. oh noes. by girlintraining · · Score: 4, Funny

    "I see that you're trying to celebrate a birthday. Would you like help with tha--aARAGGGHHH!"

    Another satisfied customer discovers the joy of killing Clippy for his/her birthday.

    --
    #fuckbeta #iamslashdot #dicemustdie
  10. Highly Imaginitive by Brett+Buck · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Dear God in heaven, have these guys *ever* had an original thought? I mean an original though that was good, of course.

  11. Man, did I miss the boat. by rantingkitten · · Score: 4, Funny

    My parents took me and some friends to Six Flags on my birthday and we rode roller coasters and ate junk food and blasted each other with water cannons and laughed ourselves silly. But if only there had been a Microsoft Store in my day...

    Clearly I was born two decades too early. I feel gypped. Today's kids have no idea how lucky they are.

    --
    mirrorshades radio -- darkwave, industrial, futurepop, ebm.
  12. And what exactly will they be selling? by Hurricane78 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Windows 7? Office? and some mice/keyboards?

    I don't understand the point? Is there any big product line I am missing, that people actually buy?

    As far as I understand it, MS lives from big corporate mass-license sales for Windows and Office. And everything other is pretty much irrelevant.

    Sounds to me like the Zune of stores. Something that really nobody cares about, because it's just a knockoff saying "I wanna be just as cool as Apple" (note the "wanna", which is not a "am", and the "just as" which is not a "more" :).

    I wonder when Microsoft will stop imitating and start innovating. And I guess: Only when they are forced to. ;)

    --
    Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.
    1. Re:And what exactly will they be selling? by fermion · · Score: 4, Insightful
      This was my thinking. Apple stores were opened to solve specific problems. There was almost no retail space dedicated to Apple products. Apple had no face to face support for their products,and no easy way to fix products. Apple had no way to show how products were integrated or train the SOHO user or consumer. The apple store solved these problems.

      What problem is MS trying to solve? The lack of coolness. As the old IBM showed so well, there is no profit to being cool on the back end. Just efficient. Unlike Apple, any MS store will compete with the other retail outlets. The best thing to have such stores will be xBox items and the like, which will compete with other stores. Perhaps they will have computers there as well, but how to choose the makes and models. Seems like if they have Compaq and HP, then everyone else will file a suite.

      Honestly, it seems like it wold be better to offer any retailer the ability to build a MS support center in existing retail space. Like the current I'm a PC commercials, the entire venture seems to be desperate money spent for no apparent reason. Make the OS work. Lower prices. Get out the next xBox. This is what the people wnat.

      --
      "She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
  13. Re:Microsoft has retail stores? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    There will be a progress indicator at the checkout, but it will vary wildly between 10 seconds and 10^23 years remaining. You'll also be accosted by store security at least 10 times on the way out to verify that your receipt is genuine.

  14. That video is professionally made, obviously. by Futurepower(R) · · Score: 4, Interesting

    My understanding is that video, Microsoft iPod parody, was made by Microsoft employees who were annoyed at the way Microsoft operates.

  15. Birthday party idea may not be ridiculous by carlzum · · Score: 4, Interesting

    At first, the thought of bored 6 year-olds choosing laptop options made me laugh. But then I thought about the Xbox.

    When I was a kid, a party at Chuck E Cheese was like an orgy of endless video games. Today, they have a handful of old arcade cabinets and some carnival games for crappy prizes. I've been dragged there for a few birthday parties with my kids. While the 5-8 year-olds have a great time with the ball-pits and singing robots, the teens and pre-teens look like they're in hell.

    A room full of 360s with wall-sized displays and high-end audio, Madden and Halo competitions for games and accessories, all you can eat pizza; it sounds like a dream come true for tween boys. Your kid could fill out a wish list of games for gifts and grab bags would have credits for the Live store. It sounds like a great idea to me.

  16. Re:Microsoft has retail stores? by KingMotley · · Score: 5, Funny

    Better than the linux store, where you have to build the whole store yourself. If you don't like the pot holes in the parking area, they say you can fix them yourself.

  17. Better than some other stores... by Aokisensei · · Score: 5, Funny

    GNU Store party - You need to bring an equal amount of cake and party favors for everyone (but triple portions for RMS, who comes and sings the Free Software Song for you and a collection of Spanish-language folk songs). Gifts can only be exchanged if you agree to re-gift on the same terms by which you received the gift yourself.

    Gentoo Linux Store party - You arrive at the site where the store should be, and get handed a box of tools and building materials. You miss your party and spend the next year building the store by hand with your party guests, only to find out you don't have compatible windows, doors, or toilets. The store staff assures you these are under development and should be buildable by your next birthday party.

    OpenBSD Store party - You drive to the store, and security doesn't let you in.

    Ubuntu Linux Store party - You arrive and are welcomed by lavishly decorated and friendly African tribesmen. The staff of the Debian store across the street glares the entire time, disgustedly.

    ReactOS Store party - It looks similar to the Microsoft Store party, but comes with all the "perks" of the GNU Store party.