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Man Accuses Cat of Downloading Child Porn
bruce_the_loon writes "They have blamed viruses. They have blamed neighbors. They have accused police of planting it. In rare cases, they have admitted downloading it. This is the first time someone has accused a cat of downloading child porn onto their computer. This seems like a defense almost too stupid to be made up."
Don't we all want to see 12 year old pussy every once in a while?
You shouldn't let your cat surf the web unattended. Without proper supervision, they will start downloading kitty porn to your hard drive.
kitty porn. bad, i know. lol
FOXTROT UNIFORM CHARLIE KILO
Everyone knows cats only get internet for twitter and upload pics of themselves. Bears on the other hand are to be take care of.
GOP-spokesman-philosopher Sarah Palin has suggested that panels determine the fate of genetically-defected offspring. Such a suggestion is very commendable; however, it is too exclusive to be practical. To make Palin's suggestion more egalitarian, the panel should include ALL members of the Palin pedigree in order to not burden the human gene pool with their defective bloodline.
Gather round, kids. Settle down now. And no hitting. I'm going to tell you a story about the way that the erroneous things Sarah Palin says about me are sometimes entertaining, oftentimes sad, and frequently thoroughly pathetic. Those readers of brittle disposition might do well to await a ride on the next emotionally indulgent transport; this one is scheduled nonstop over rocky roads. As soon as you're strapped in I'll announce something to the effect of how Palin makes a lot of exaggerated claims. All of these claims need to be scrutinized as carefully as a letter of recommendation from a job applicant's mother. Consider, for example, Palin's claim that laws are meant to be broken. The fact of the matter is that stoicism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other "ism". That's why it's Palin's favorite; it makes it easy for her to eliminate the plebiscitary mechanisms which ensure a free and democratic society.
If Palin had her way, schools would teach students that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how a central fault line runs through each of Palin's hatchet jobs. Specifically, Palin periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. I can't follow Palin's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that she has been trying for quite some time to convince us that big emotions come from big words. I, for one, suggest she take this rotting ordure and dump it where she and her fellow sleazy buffoons congregate. At least then we could tackle the multinational death machine that she is currently constructing without having to worry that she will make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels.
If I hear Palin's pals say, "Diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors" one more time, I'm certainly going to throw up. I have begged Palin's co-conspirators to step forth and break the mold and stray from the path of conventional wisdom. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Palin might retaliate? The most appealing theory has to do with the way that Palin wants to offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world. Who does she think she is? I mean, her claim that men are spare parts in the social repertoireâ"mere optional extrasâ"is factually unsupported and politically motivated.
When surveyed, only two percent of Palin's myrmidons agreed with the statement, "All of Palin's views about life come straight out of 'Teach Yourself Antipluralism in 30 Minutes'." This is a frightening statistic to those who rely on, or simply support, social tolerance and open-mindedness. Palin may be sincere, but she is also sincerely vindictive. Regardless of what she seems to claim, Palin's concept of team play is sideline sulking. Listen up: In a recent essay, she stated that everyone with a different set of beliefs from hers is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. Since the arguments she made in the rest of her essay are based in part on that assumption, she should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but if she feels ridiculed by all the attention my letters are bringing her, then that's just too darn bad. Palin's arrogance has brought this upon herself.
So, Palin, maybe the problem is not with unreasonable beggars, but with you. I was once asked, "
...alibi
At least he didn't blame his child for downloading kitty porn.
http://www.livenudecats.com/lnc.php?page=allnude/specialdelivery
Never trust a petophile.
When cats walk or climb on your keyboard, they can enter random commands and data, damage your files, and even crash your computer. This can happen whether you are near the computer or have suddenly been called away from it.
PawSense is a software utility that helps protect your computer from cats. It quickly detects and blocks cat typing, and also helps train your cat to stay off the computer keyboard.
Fucking Pussy.
http://lol-comics.livejournal.com/63218.html
I can haz blame?
Capitalism: When it uses the carrot, it's called democracy. When it uses the stick, it's called fascism.
He'll get to the bottom of this.
"You walk in here on all fours naked making strange noises and rubbing against my leg..who knows what would have happened if I hadn't been here"
1 2 3
The article doesn't mention that the cat left a note for the man warning him of dire consequences if it didn't get fresh fish more frequently.
I feel embarrassed saying I'm from Florida sometimes.
I'm not a doctor, but I've seen one on TV.
Imagine the chaos that a cat could cause if one-click ordering is enabled.
the sad part is that this guy will probably get off with a slap on the wrist (no pun intended).
The funny is so greatly epic I blew a LOLfuze and can no longer laugh.
"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad." [Ecclesiastes 7:3]
kitty porn?
Best Slashdot Co
Steve Martin had problems with his cat's criminal nature. The guy should feel lucky it could have been much worse.
"Okay! Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I've gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I've gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I'm away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can't return them, because they have spit all over them.
Dogs As Intelligent As Average Two-Year-Old Children.
But a cat is capable of using the Internet (not to mention framing his owner). Sorry, dog owners, cats are clearly smarter!
Adidas To Bring Back Sneakernet
netcat.
A kitty hitting keys at random on a keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely download 10,000 child porn images.
Note to self -- get a cat.
I thought we weren't supposed to visit Idle - ever.
If counties were smart, they'd have a "serve one, get a second silly one" deal.
theirs no way a cat can download 1,000s of images by walking on the keyboard. the commands sent would be random at best and to get all that you would need to be actively looking for it. god at least the vires defence has some merit being there is botnets out there. and becides if by some act of god a cat could download all that why did he not delete them.
For you youngsters who are confused. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059793/
Tech Support: "No, sir...clicking on 'Remember Password' will NOT help you remember your password."
I have over 1 Quadrillion pornographic images on my computer.
Yes, I'm a Petaphile.
I can see the fnords!
It's really hard to get child porn charges dropped these days, with the whole "pedo witch hunt" in full swing these days. I'm surprised the cat was cleared of it's charges. It's lawyer must be brilliant!
Working in digital forensics you hear all the ridiculous defenses dreamed up by crazy suspects and defense lawyers but this one is pretty out there! One case a colleague of mine involved the usual defense of "a trojan did it" but this was his defense for how a CD-R marked "best stuff" had gotten from the spindle on his desk, into his machine, appropriated a copy of the illicit images on his computer (which he then moved to the recycle bin!) and then hidden itself behind a radiator in a jewel case. Amazing what a little knowledge (and I do mean a very can do!
What species of baby does god kill?
You stereotypers are all the same...
I smell a new defense against downloading copyrighted material! It's those damn cats! (I suspect a few weasels may be involved as well.) First, and infinite number of them got in a room and developed P2P filesharing, next they distributed said product with a clever cat-based GUI that closely resembles a human-oriented GUI. What will they do next after they have destroyed the foundation of intellectual property? ... *shiver* ... will they ... *gasp* ... start investment banks? ... run for Congress? ...
If this isn't Plausible deniability, I don't know what is.
DOWNLOADING YUR PR0N....
So quoth the Almighty LOL-Cat
Tsukasa: All I really want, is to be left alone...
..but did his cat also drop the pr0n into folders classified by sub-genre?
Once I was a four stone apology. Now I am two separate gorillas.
http://hardware.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/02/18/1817221
Niels
Comment removed based on user account deletion
.. to stupid to post on /.
I downloaded a lot of porn , and I stumbled onto once on a bulletin board on an attachment which read "12eat12!". That is it. I read somewhere there is next to no child porn on publicly available internet web page. In reality they are mostly transported physically (hard drive, CD, USB , laptop...) or on darknet and similar.
C. Sagan : A demon haunted world:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345409469/
visit randi.org
The cat being intelligent as it is, was quite finished with his current master, having set him up to take the fall, he had inserted some hidden p0rn and anonymously contacted the feds. He is now surfing the web at his leisure...
In other news, there has been a new type of post on Craigslist getting attention, Cats Looking For New Masters....picture included!
Kitty Porn?
I can haz kitteh porn???
...will he be sentenced in Cat years?
You can fool some of the people all of the time
Play him off, keyboard cat...
why people don't encrypt their illicit stuff ?
My cat only downloads articles from wikipedia. Mostly stuff on herbs and computer pointing devices. Guess I need a cat that hasn't been spayed.
Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
you can leave an unattended mouse around a cat.
Kitty kitty bug bug snug hug hug bug kitty kitty snug hug bug bug bug! Tewis pussy bug bug bug~ -- tewish howm howm SNUG SNUG SNUG! Ohewis push push howm snug bug! Tewish bug bug hug hug hug! It is kitty snug bug bug! Push push pussy bug hug hug hug!
"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad." [Ecclesiastes 7:3]
"Meow, meow-meow mwar. Mwar!" ... He says he's very sad.
You can't leave an unattended mouse around a cat.
Well, the burden of proof is on the prosecution!
Of course, it doesn't work quite that way, but it would be hilarious if we could see a Dirk Gentry-esque explanation to exactly how this could or couldn't have happened...
"Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?"
Maybe he did. Maybe his cat's name is Chewbacca.
When I saw this guy's defense, I couldn't help but wonder if he read Slashdot when a post featured a device to let cats click your EULAs for you. http://hardware.slashdot.org/story/09/02/18/1817221/Dont-Like-EULAs-Get-Your-Cat-To-Agree-To-Them?art_pos=1
I use irony whenever I can, but my shirts are still wrinkled...
His dog did the downloading and set the cat up to take the fall.
"Common sense will be the death of us all"
The other day my cat accidentally shut down twitter.
The fix is to change the operating system.
now we need to go OSS in diesel cars
Just take away his Fancy Feast.
now we need to go OSS in diesel cars
I always wondered how some of the articles made it on slashdot!
The article says the man was charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography, stemming from more than 1000 images of child pornography found on his computer. I have to wonder, how did they decide to charge this man with 10 counts? Why not 1000+? Why not one? Does Florida law have some guideline for prosecution where 100 images of child pornography equates to one count?
Play him off, Keyboard Cat.
Non impediti ratione cogitationus.
I think this is a weekend story. But what upsets me is that most out there stories come from my favourite state :(
o_O
play him off keyboard cat!
If I download 10,000 pictures of naked, immature cats I may be ga-ga over kittens but it's not porn. Therefore, if my cat downloads 10,000 pictures of naked, immature humans then it can't be considered porn either. Now all I have to do is claim I never looked at the images. Purrfect defense.
or AntiSpyware2009?
How much is your data worth? Back it up now.