Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Man Accuses Cat of Downloading Child Porn

Posted by samzenpus on from the when-pets-go-bad dept.

bruce_the_loon writes "They have blamed viruses. They have blamed neighbors. They have accused police of planting it. In rare cases, they have admitted downloading it. This is the first time someone has accused a cat of downloading child porn onto their computer. This seems like a defense almost too stupid to be made up."

47 of 174 comments (clear)

  1. I Sympathise with the Cat by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Don't we all want to see 12 year old pussy every once in a while?

    1. Re:I Sympathise with the Cat by Shakrai · · Score: 2, Funny

      You realize that's 65 years old after you convert it into human years, right? ;) GILF?

      --
      I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
      We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
  2. This happens a lot by BadAnalogyGuy · · Score: 5, Funny

    You shouldn't let your cat surf the web unattended. Without proper supervision, they will start downloading kitty porn to your hard drive.

    1. Re:This happens a lot by drpimp · · Score: 2, Funny

      Catz0r3d

      --
      -- Brought to you by Carl's JR
    2. Re:This happens a lot by ObsessiveMathsFreak · · Score: 3, Funny

      First time I ever heard about "kiddy porn", I misheard it for "kitty porn".

      For quite a while, I assumed a lot of people were getting steamed up about some weird pink anime thing, or some kind of playboy performers.

      --
      May the Maths Be with you!
    3. Re:This happens a lot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Especially if your cat is a purrvert.

    4. Re:This happens a lot by Dogtanian · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Ceiling cat wanted to know what the big deal was.

      Now I *know* ceiling cat has supernatural powers- an image hosted by Ebaumsworld that hasn't been illegally watermarked by them.

      It's such a shame how they've gone downhill since that thieving, dishonest piece of shit Eric Bauman sold the company.

      --
      "Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
    5. Re:This happens a lot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Jesus H. Christ. Want some cheese to go with that whine?

    6. Re:This happens a lot by Somegeek · · Score: 2, Insightful

      "and it my shit a cataleptic fit."

      WTF?? I think you should be content with redundant and be glad there are no -1 Idiotic or -1 Disgusting mods.

      --
      And as you tread the halls of sanity, You feel so glad to be, Unable to go beyond. I have a message, From another time..
  3. i think you mean by loafula · · Score: 3, Funny

    kitty porn. bad, i know. lol

    --
    FOXTROT UNIFORM CHARLIE KILO
    1. Re:i think you mean by Etrias · · Score: 5, Funny

      oh hai! I am on ur puter, downlodings ur pr0n.

  4. The purrrrrrrrfect ... by neonprimetime · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...alibi

  5. There is software to protect against this... by sean_nestor · · Score: 2, Informative
    No kidding

    When cats walk or climb on your keyboard, they can enter random commands and data, damage your files, and even crash your computer. This can happen whether you are near the computer or have suddenly been called away from it.

    PawSense is a software utility that helps protect your computer from cats. It quickly detects and blocks cat typing, and also helps train your cat to stay off the computer keyboard.

    1. Re:There is software to protect against this... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

      That has to be one smart filter to detect the difference between a normal vi or emacs command stream and cat steps.

      ESC W - CTRL-A :.-3,.+4s/a/z/g

    2. Re:There is software to protect against this... by i_liek_turtles · · Score: 3, Funny

      I've learned that leaving your cat unattended with your keyboard can lead to interesting consequences. --Dexter Douglas

    3. Re:There is software to protect against this... by muyla · · Score: 4, Funny

      From the software FAQ:

      Q: My cat is deaf. Can you help me?

              A: PawSense detects the paws of even deaf cats. Even if a cat is deaf, PawSense blocks cat typing once detected. This makes it harder for the cat to mess up your programs, data files, and operating system.

              However, PawSense does not include a miracle cure for deafness.

      1 - How stupid can a person be before he is legally considered handicaped?
      2 - I wonder how much they charge extra for the deluxe package with miracle cure included!

    4. Re:There is software to protect against this... by Ifni · · Score: 4, Informative

      I'm guessing that the question is in regards to the deterrence feature, which is likely some loud noise or pre-recorded cat-hiss, that the program emits when it detects a cat on your keyboard. From the linked page: If a cat gets on the keyboard, PawSense makes a sound that annoys cats. This teaches your cat that getting on the keyboard is bad even if humans aren't watching.

      --

      Oh, was that my outside voice?

    5. Re:There is software to protect against this... by bentcd · · Score: 2, Insightful

      This teaches your cat that getting on the keyboard is bad even if humans aren't watching.

      Or more likely, given that this is cats we're talking, it trains your cat to walk on your keyboard in patterns that won't be caught by the software.

      --
      sigs are hazardous to your health
  6. Appropriate comic by HEbGb · · Score: 3, Funny

    http://lol-comics.livejournal.com/63218.html

  7. lol cat by ExE122 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can haz blame?

    --
    Capitalism: When it uses the carrot, it's called democracy. When it uses the stick, it's called fascism.
  8. Chris Hansen should interview the cat by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    He'll get to the bottom of this.

      "You walk in here on all fours naked making strange noises and rubbing against my leg..who knows what would have happened if I hadn't been here"

  9. This is why I don't own a cat by JoshuaZ · · Score: 3, Funny

    The article doesn't mention that the cat left a note for the man warning him of dire consequences if it didn't get fresh fish more frequently.

  10. Florida by NeverTheMachine · · Score: 3, Insightful
    I live there, in that town. It seems like a ton of retarded news stories come from not only here, but Florida in general.

    I feel embarrassed saying I'm from Florida sometimes.

    --
    I'm not a doctor, but I've seen one on TV.
    1. Re:Florida by cashman73 · · Score: 4, Insightful
      I live there, in that town. It seems like a ton of retarded news stories come from not only here, but Florida in general. I feel embarrassed saying I'm from Florida sometimes.

      Yep,... that's why the state has it's own Fark tag,... =)

    2. Re:Florida by TheCarp · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Of course, then reality sets in. The best refutation I can think of is the amounts. If the car downloaded thousands of kiddie porn images, then there should be lots of other kinds of images (perhaps 100s of thousands) along with them.

      Now, I have downloaded a fair amount of porn myself since I was 16 and first got online (15 years now! wow...) anyway.... in that time, how many times, looking for porn or not, did I stumble on child porn.

      The answer: Once. While on usenet and doing the old "download multiple messages and string them together" on my Apple 2 GS which took about 5 minutes to render a JPG in black and white online... well...

      I built up a collection in those days... and one of those pictures it turned out was child porn (which wasn't evident until it was viewed on a more powerful machine with much better resolution, and in color years later)

      So one, out of, several thousand images over 15 years, was child porn. It turned up on usenet.... which nobody really uses for porn anymore as far as I know.

      I MIGHT believe this guy if a handful... 2 or 3 or something images were downloaded. I might even believe he did it himself accidentally. However.... this argument just doesn't fit the evidence.

      The only other way it would make sense is if it was taken from the cache of a freenet node he was running. However, I would think a specific case like that would be mentioned in the article, and would not necessitate the "cat story"
      .
      -Steve

      --
      "I opened my eyes, and everything went dark again"
    3. Re:Florida by TheCarp · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Believe me, if this had been something that happened within the past several years, I probably wouldn't have. However, I haven't used Usenet to download porn since I was 16 and on an Apple 2 GS. Given that I am over 30 now, and the only evidence that it ever happened is well... me telling a story about something that happened so many years ago.... while I was a minor myself.... well....

      Lets just say, I am not terribly worried. Should it end up requiring me to dig out an OLD GS, and display some jpegs on it to show people exactly how horrendous the image quality was (would you like 640x200 in 4 shades of grey or 320x200 in 16?) then... I guess I could even do that. Actually, after 15 years, I am not even sure that it supported both video modes. (and yes, 320x200@256 was possible by a really funky assembly routine, but the JPEG software couldn't really support that since just drawing the screen that way took 90% of the CPU time just to push pallets ahead of the scan line... leaving precious little for JPEG decoding which already took forever at just a few shades of gray)

      And of course, to top it all off, Its not like it said "kiddie porn" anywhere. For all I know, it was a very young looking 18 year old model. It wouldn't be the first time. However, I was convinced enough to be a bit sick to my stomach and delete it immediately.

      Any DA wishing to use these statements against me is going to have a real fight on his hands, and I promise to bring public opinion to bear on that one. If anything, they should call me as an expert witness against this asshole :) I would happily state, unequivocally that there is no way a cat or other random event input downloaded that much kiddie porn from the internet. There just isn't that much out there that is publicly available. If there was, I am pretty sure I would have stumbled on more of it by now.

      -Steve

      --
      "I opened my eyes, and everything went dark again"
  11. This proves it! by travdaddy · · Score: 4, Funny

    Dogs As Intelligent As Average Two-Year-Old Children.

    But a cat is capable of using the Internet (not to mention framing his owner). Sorry, dog owners, cats are clearly smarter!

    --
    Adidas To Bring Back Sneakernet
  12. And for sure he used.. by ctrl-alt-canc · · Score: 3, Funny

    netcat.

  13. Note to self by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Note to self -- get a cat.

  14. Makes jury duty attractive by smchris · · Score: 3, Funny

    If counties were smart, they'd have a "serve one, get a second silly one" deal.

  15. Re:Are Amazon patents a bad idea...? by stewbee · · Score: 2, Funny

    Imagine the chaos that a cat could cause if one-lick ordering is enabled.

    fixed that for you....Thank you, thank you very much. I will be here all week. Don't forget to tip the waitstaff..

  16. Re:Idle? by daremonai · · Score: 5, Funny

    I didn't - it was my cat who clicked on this!

  17. Uh oh... by bughunter · · Score: 5, Funny

    I have over 1 Quadrillion pornographic images on my computer.

    Yes, I'm a Petaphile.

    --
    I can see the fnords!
  18. CD Behind radiator by shadowknot · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Working in digital forensics you hear all the ridiculous defenses dreamed up by crazy suspects and defense lawyers but this one is pretty out there! One case a colleague of mine involved the usual defense of "a trojan did it" but this was his defense for how a CD-R marked "best stuff" had gotten from the spindle on his desk, into his machine, appropriated a copy of the illicit images on his computer (which he then moved to the recycle bin!) and then hidden itself behind a radiator in a jewel case. Amazing what a little knowledge (and I do mean a very can do!

    1. Re:CD Behind radiator by Jeremi · · Score: 3, Interesting

      One case a colleague of mine involved the usual defense of "a trojan did it"

      I'm rather surprised trojans don't do it more often. It seems like a pretty viable extortion scheme:

      1. Infect victim's PC
      2. Download loads of kiddy porn to various places on the PC
      3. Email the victim: "ILLEGAL CHILD PORNOGRAPHY DETECTED ON YOUR PC at C:\WINDOWS\KIDDYPORN AND OTHER LOCATIONS. Send us $100 to purchase cleanup tool within 5 days, or the police will be notified"
      4. Wait 5 days, collect money from victim, or if no money, send an 'anonymous tip' to the police
      5. Evil profit!
      --


      I don't care if it's 90,000 hectares. That lake was not my doing.
    2. Re:CD Behind radiator by Lord+Ender · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I would like to get into computer forensics, but I'm afraid I would be spending all my time going after dirty old men, rather than prosecuting real crimes with real victims and damages. Worse than that, I'm afraid I would be forced to attempt to make cases against people who had no intention of downloading illegal content at all (does a 17year 11month old girl look any different from an 18 year old?).

      So as someone who has worked in the industry, I ask you: is modern computer Forensics at all about prosecuting serious crime, or is it just playing porno police? What is your caseload like? The idea of having a hand in ruining someones life for looking at a picture of a sexually mature female just seems immoral to me, and I would want no hand in it.

      --
      A slashdotter who didn't build his own computer is like a Jedi who didn't build his own lightsaber.
    3. Re:CD Behind radiator by shadowknot · · Score: 4, Informative

      I would like to get into computer forensics, but I'm afraid I would be spending all my time going after dirty old men, rather than prosecuting real crimes with real victims and damages. Worse than that, I'm afraid I would be forced to attempt to make cases against people who had no intention of downloading illegal content at all (does a 17year 11month old girl look any different from an 18 year old?).

      So as someone who has worked in the industry, I ask you: is modern computer Forensics at all about prosecuting serious crime, or is it just playing porno police? What is your caseload like? The idea of having a hand in ruining someones life for looking at a picture of a sexually mature female just seems immoral to me, and I would want no hand in it.

      That's a damn fine question and there are cases where it is very borderline but those cases either don't make it to court or there is a plea bargain struck where some kind of community service is involved (generally not with children!). Also, though I would say about 70% of the work the company I work for gets is Indecent Images related there is work involving differing crimes including fraud, drugs, rape, murder and people smuggling. I will not lie and say I agree with the dragnet approach our customers (mostly Police forces) seize computers and often there are many hundreds of superfluous hours of analysis poured into a case that has no merit (I had a case with 70ish exhibits in that took months of processing and ended up completely negative) but, if you can handle trawling through gigs of porn, it is a rewarding career. I would advise you not do an academic qualification in the field but get some (or use your existing) real-world computing experience and build your analytical and written skills then apply for a trainee post if you can find one. Learn the tools if you can afford it (EnCase and FTK are both hellishly expensive but the individual training courses (CF1 and CF2 for EnCase) are fairly affordable and useful for a noob). I wish you luck in your future career should you get into the industry!

  19. So when cats masturbate... by Radtastic · · Score: 2, Insightful

    What species of baby does god kill?

    --
    You stereotypers are all the same...
  20. New RIAA filesharing defense? by electricprof · · Score: 2, Informative

    I smell a new defense against downloading copyrighted material! It's those damn cats! (I suspect a few weasels may be involved as well.) First, and infinite number of them got in a room and developed P2P filesharing, next they distributed said product with a clever cat-based GUI that closely resembles a human-oriented GUI. What will they do next after they have destroyed the foundation of intellectual property? ... *shiver* ... will they ... *gasp* ... start investment banks? ... run for Congress? ...

  21. Re:Plausible deniability by devotedlhasa · · Score: 2, Funny

    Pawsable deniability

  22. I AM IN YUR COMPUTER by jameskojiro · · Score: 2, Funny

    DOWNLOADING YUR PR0N....

    So quoth the Almighty LOL-Cat

    --
    Tsukasa: All I really want, is to be left alone...
  23. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 2, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  24. If the cat is found guilty... by malchus6 · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...will he be sentenced in Cat years?

    --
    You can fool some of the people all of the time ... and those are the ones you should concentrate on.
  25. Obligatory... by FatRichie · · Score: 2, Funny

    Play him off, keyboard cat...

  26. Need a new cat by SnarfQuest · · Score: 3, Funny

    My cat only downloads articles from wikipedia. Mostly stuff on herbs and computer pointing devices. Guess I need a cat that hasn't been spayed.

    --
    Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
  27. oops by hasbeard · · Score: 3, Funny

    You can't leave an unattended mouse around a cat.

  28. The real tragedy... by tacarat · · Score: 2, Funny

    His dog did the downloading and set the cat up to take the fall.

    --
    "Common sense will be the death of us all"