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What Does Google Suggest Suggest About Humanity?

Posted by samzenpus on from the fire-makes-things-hot dept.

CNETNate writes "You'll laugh, but mostly you'll cry. Some of the questions Google gets asked to deliver results for is beyond worrying. 'Can you put peroxide in your ear?', 'Why would a pregnancy test be negative?', and 'Why can't I own a Canadian?' being just a selection of the truly baffling — and disturbing — questions Google is regularly forced to answer."

24 of 513 comments (clear)

  1. Really? by crumbz · · Score: 4, Funny

    Now my curiosity is piqued. WHY can't I own a Canadian? Or at least lease one for a year?

    1. Re:Really? by dmmiller2k · · Score: 3, Funny

      You can't possibly be serious. You can rent one for a day at a time if you can find an available one. But, the best I've ever heard of is a 1-week timeshare, but you'll never get the week you want.

      --

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    2. Re:Really? by Ender+Wiggin+77 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Because we make great pets.

    3. Re:Really? by click2005 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Can you put peroxide in your ear?

      Yes, unless its frozen.

      Why would a pregnancy test be negative?

      Because you're male

      Why can't I own a Canadian?

      You can until the ACTA comes into effect. From then, you must license your Canadian.

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    4. Re:Really? by box4831 · · Score: 5, Funny

      common treatment for ear infections, ingrown hairs, cuts and ear infections.

      Does it cure redundancy too?

      --
      Miller Lite tastes like water that's somehow managed to rot.
    5. Re:Really? by Richy_T · · Score: 4, Funny

      Well, some of us do have two ears.

    6. Re:Really? by caluml · · Score: 4, Funny

      /*
      * Old Testament
      * Class for suppressing ignorant people.
      * Implements AngryGod
      */
      @Deprecated
      public OldTestament implements AngryGod {
      .....

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  2. At least wasn't responsible for by idontgno · · Score: 4, Funny

    "How is babby formed?"

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    1. Re:At least wasn't responsible for by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      They need to do way instain mother

  3. Why can't I own Canadians? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    1. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by jimbobborg · · Score: 4, Funny

      Because Canada is the 51st state. Not to mention America's hat.

    2. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by Phrogman · · Score: 4, Funny

      No no, the US is Canada's couch

      --
      "The first time I got drunk, I got married. The second time I bought a chimpanzee, after that I stayed sober" Arian Seid
    3. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by BarryJacobsen · · Score: 3, Funny

      No no, the US is Canada's crotch

      Fixed that for you.

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    4. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by ElectricTurtle · · Score: 5, Funny

      That makes sense, since we're all such big dicks.

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    5. Re:Why can't I own Canadians? by j4s0n · · Score: 5, Funny

      It takes balls to admit that...

  4. Obligatory George Carlin Quote by kidblast · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

  5. Wow. just. wow. by idontgno · · Score: 4, Funny

    (No, not World of Warcraft.)

    I just tried the little experiment in TFA with the phrase "What are..."

    Google's #1 suggestion: "...these strawberries doing on my nipples I need them for the fruit salad"

    I boggle. I boggle at google.

    There's an amazing untold story there. I hope it stays that way.

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    1. Re:Wow. just. wow. by captjc · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Why "

      My favorites are: "why is my poop green", "why did I get married", and "why is there a dead pakistani on my couch"

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    2. Re:Wow. just. wow. by choongiri · · Score: 3, Funny

      Speaking of untold stories:

      "I like"...

      ...to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur

      WTF?

  6. My own contribution: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Me:
    what is the

    Google:
    date today
    meaning of life
    population of Canada
    name of bo and luke dukes 69 dodge charger in the tv series the dukes of hazzard
    population of the world
    sum of days in a week months in a year hours in a day
    largest city in canada
    canadian dollar worth
    best laptop
    capital of california

    I don't know how their system works, but I don't think it's based on actual searches that people have done. I mean, how many people who google for the name of the Dukes' car would actually type a full sentence like that?

    Another one I just tried:

    Me:
    what's worse than
    Google:
    a pile of dead babies

  7. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 5, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  8. Re:I entered by idontgno · · Score: 3, Funny

    That's proof that Google understands the distinction between fact and fiction (let alone blatant impossibility).

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  9. Why you can't pown one... by SuperKendall · · Score: 3, Funny

    Because they got sk1ll5, and you are a n00b.

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
  10. Yes. Really. by dazedNconfuzed · · Score: 5, Funny

    I own a Canadian. Cost me everything I have, and everything I ever will have. Worth every penny.

    However, independent observers may conclude she owns me. ...sorry, gotta run, being paged...

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