Slashdot Mirror
Best Man Rigs Newlyweds' Bed To Tweet During Sex
When an UK man was asked to be the best man at a friend's wedding he agreed that he would not pull any pranks before or during the ceremony. Now the groom wishes he had extended the agreement to after the blessed occasion as well. The best man snuck into the newlyweds' house while they were away on their honeymoon and placed a pressure-sensitive device under their mattress. The device now automatically tweets when the couple have sex. The updates include the length of activity and how vigorous the act was on a scale of 1-10.
First!
130KG. 45 seconds.
Imagine a Beowulf cluster of these.
Unfortunately (well, maybe fortunately) all parties in this hack are anonymous. Otherwise, the new groom could rig up an automatic bed bouncing machine and become a sexual legend of Web 3.0.
If Slashdot were chemistry it would look like this:Cadaverine
...this feed won't be updated much after a few months.
There's no -1 for "I don't get it."
If the device starts tweeting while the husband is at work.
The best man snuck into the newlyweds' house while they were away on their honeymoon and placed a pressure-sensitive device under their mattress.
So it only measures sex on the bed. How boring is that? That leaves out the walls, floor, couch, kitchen counter, pool table, the whole rest of the house and car sex un-Tweeted.
And, if you're Tiger Woods, the private jet, the yacht and the putting green.
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
So how does the device work? For instance, how are these weight measurements being made? If you just put a load cell under the middle of the bed, it isn't going to measure the total mass. You'd need to use 4 load cells - one at each corner of the mattress. And the Mattress has to have a frame, like a box spring. Or you could use 1 load cell, but you'd have to build a special framework under the bed for it.
The next part is how do you translate these weight and vibration readings into a "sex detector". Where do you set the threshold, such that if someone just rolls over or even flops on the bed it doesn't set it off? Lots of ordinary acts, from scratching an itch to sitting up might create vibrations in the system that would fool a simple script into detecting "sex".
Plus, some sex acts create a lot more vibration that others. Position also matters quite a bit.
This is an interesting problem. I think it's solvable, to a reasonable level of accuracy. But you'd have to calibrate the system, which would require something that most slashdotters don't have access to....
Wow, I want one, that sounds awesome. I wouldn't have it tweet when I'm having sex, but I'd probably keep some sort of online log that would graph the weight, volume, temperature (though that might be greatly skewed by the friction of the mattress constantly rubbing against the device) and if I can have motion sensors I'd have it log "the motion of the ocean."
Not that the data would serve much purpose other than to say "Hey check out what I made."
I've rigged my finger to tweet when it's pulled.
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
Where did those extra 2.2 pounds come from?
I highlighted the word that might shed some light on the situation ;)
Yes, I'm going to hell......
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Finally, a use for Twitter!
Hah! Further proof of the secret buggy whip manufacturer conspiracy!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
For newlyweds it should go to 11.
When she read the article her first words were "Where do we get one of those?" O.o
-Ours is the wisdom of Solomon, the magic of Merlyn, the fall of Icaris.
I wonder how many low-intensity sex sessions are actually false positives caused by tossing and turning.
But doesn't that count as foreplay?
there's gonna be a meter on your bed, that will disclose.. what everybody knows!..
never thought it would be LITERAL.
VLC FOR MAC IS DYING! IF YOU DEVELOP, PLEASE SAVE IT!!
1kg of the stuff ? I find that a bit hard to swallow !
Keep practicing!
Science advances one funeral at a time- Max Planck
Um. This is kind of awkward to tell you. You don't usually wear clothes while having sex.
Divide a cake by zero. Is it still a cake?
1kg of the stuff ? I find that a bit hard to swallow !
Thats what she said!
Three-way! Kinky.
Sleep your way to a whiter smile...date a dentist!
wait a minute.. you're saying tossing and turning on a bed with someone isn't sex??! Damn it I thought I scored.
Yikes. You're quite the bitter loser.
The fact that she's still able to speak is a miracle of evolution.
Wow, this is really evil
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Oddly enough, the frequency of tweeting on the account is dropping like a rock.