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Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers

According to a Chinese news publication, soldiers in Afghanistan may soon come up against a deadly new weapon in the war: monkey soldiers. The report claims that the Taliban are training the monkeys to shoot and kill American soldiers. They also claim to have pictures of monkeys holding AK-47s and Bren light machine guns. From the article: "The New York Magazine has reported about this in jest and stated on Friday, 'No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.'”

11 of 232 comments (clear)

  1. Best be careful.... by daemonenwind · · Score: 5, Funny

    If you start arming monkeys, you end up with a banana republic.

  2. And so starts by Kitkoan · · Score: 4, Funny

    The real planet of the apes... DAMN YOU

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    Attention... all grammer nazi"s! Is they're anything; wrong with: my post,
  3. I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... by ProppaT · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...but this is ridiculous!

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    Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
  4. Maybe they are? by elucido · · Score: 4, Funny

    Maybe they are?

    I wouldn't put it past the Taliban to train a monkey to do a man's job. It's probably cheaper to get a monkey to blow themselves up, especially if the monkey is expecting to receive bananas.

  5. I came here to... by Sponge+Bath · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...eat bananas and kick some ass, and I'm all out of bananas!

  6. Re:How to counter.... by countertrolling · · Score: 5, Funny

    Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.

    Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies

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    For justice, we must go to Don Corleone
  7. Re:How to counter.... by AnonymousClown · · Score: 5, Funny

    Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.

    Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies

    War is Hell.

    --
    RIP America

    July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001

  8. We're way ahead of them. by John+Hasler · · Score: 5, Funny

    The Marines have had guns for centuries.

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    Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
  9. Re:uh.... by Pojut · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I've got a better option, let's cut and run, and let those fucks continue to conquer the world.

    Clearly, hurling rocks at tanks = conquering the world, while spending billions upon billions of dollars on advanced weaponry and yelling at anyone that doesn't agree with us isn't conquering the world.

    And, naturally, trying to convert as many countries as possible to our way of doing things doesn't count as conquering.

    So, you keep supporting our troops by encouraging our enemies, and I'll keep killing the fuckers who intend to kill you if you don't convert.

    That's funny...I don't seem to recall American citizens being killed by Muslim's on a regular basis until we invaded their countries.

  10. Re:Way ahead of you by PPH · · Score: 4, Funny

    A Møøse once bit my sister...

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    Have gnu, will travel.
  11. and where's my mooncity?!! by Thud457 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    It's the 21st centruy, why can't I pony up $50 so I can shoot a enemy of America in the head via webcam ?!!!
    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6568977/#slice-2

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    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff