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Fake Steve Jobs Says 'Leave the Real One Alone'

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the vacation-sounds-nice dept.

Stoobalou writes "Dan Lyons, who has been lampooning Apple's Steve Jobs for many years, has posted his last item as Fake Steve Jobs and signed off. Lyons, who has been impersonating the messianic Apple supremo in the notorious tech blog since 2006 and even managed to maintain his anonymity for quite some time, despite being a well-known tech hack, has parked his vitriolic pen for the last time." Most people expect FSJ to return if RSJ does.

42 of 166 comments (clear)

  1. seems familiar by Nialin · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Leave Stevie alone!"
    *applies extra eyeliner, sobbing*

  2. We might stop making fun of him by Grapplebeam · · Score: 4, Interesting

    If every Apple press conference thing wasn't really just about him in the end. He wouldn't get up there and tell people what they already know if he didn't want to be in the spotlight.

    --
    There is no -1 Disagree.
    1. Re:We might stop making fun of him by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Informative

      If true, I would suspect it was an automatic sale from a pre-existing stock divesting plan that's been in place for a year or more. At my old company, if you didn't use a long term plan for when to sell shares (either by naming certain times of year or certain stock prices, and amounts), you were limited by the company lawyers to a couple of weeks per year where you were allowed to sell.

    2. Re:We might stop making fun of him by Monkeedude1212 · · Score: 5, Interesting

      In his defense, at least he didn't get all sweaty while clapping on stage for 20 minutes chanting nothing but "Developers".

      Steve Jobs looks pretty good when you compare him to other industry CEOs.

    3. Re:We might stop making fun of him by Steauengeglase · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Ballmer is a pretty poor example. To his credit, he probably comes across as one of the few people in the tech arena who would be tolerable over a beer, but a less-than-stellar showman who at his best is a parody of himself. He inspires pity more than loathing.

      Now when will we get Fake Larry Ellison? That guy is just a comedy goldmine. The often attributed, arrogance of Jobs, greedy, self-serving, with a sense of self-denial and a twinge of bat-shit insane.

    4. Re:We might stop making fun of him by Steauengeglase · · Score: 2

      I like to imagine that he walks around his Japanese mansion dressed as a Batman villain, muttering the true, secret name of his estate; the one that only he can know, the special name, while reading and re-reading The Catcher in the Rye. Every other name is for the fakers, the phonies.

    5. Re:We might stop making fun of him by UnknowingFool · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Every press conference? I suppose you don't attend the earnings reports. He has participated in a few but most of the time it's Tim Cook, COO and Peter Oppenheimer, CFO that run them. Steve Jobs does lead the more public events like WWDC and very public announcements when they launch a new product. It's a double edge gripe: If he doesn't lead these things, people will complain how he's not involved and should do more for Apple. If he does lead them, people like you complain about it. You can't have it both ways.

      --
      Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
    6. Re:We might stop making fun of him by icebike · · Score: 2

      Not if its already in is pre filed trading plan. Even those are not necessarily written with clarity in mind. But they do let you report after the trade just like everybody else.

      Trades by insiders are here?
      http://finance.yahoo.com/q/it?s=AAPL+Insider+Transactions
      And yes, they are all routinely cashing in shares, as are all insiders from all companies. Its part of their compensation, and you can't buy a Yacht or a Liver transplant with shares.

      That being said, Jobs does not appear on that list.

      --
      Sig Battery depleted. Reverting to safe mode.
    7. Re:We might stop making fun of him by node+3 · · Score: 3, Informative

      In 1999, when he and Phil Schiller announced the iBook with built-in WiFi, the term WiFi hadn't even been invented yet, it was called AirPort by Apple, and 802.11b by everyone else, and Apple products were the first to have it built-in. Apple worked with Lucent in the development of 802.11b.

      (disregard if you were being ironic)

  3. How important we make ourselves seem by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Sorry, I have a problem who like to ape someone and then suddenly determine when enough is enough and act like they should have last say about who does what. You can't poke an animal with a stick and demand that others leave it alone when you've decided that enough is enough. The real world doesn't work that way.

    While his blogging may have been mostly harmless it doesn't give him a free pass to crap on others for doing the same thing.

    1. Re:How important we make ourselves seem by theshowmecanuck · · Score: 2

      Poke an animal with a stick while it is alive is one thing (even if I don't quite like this analogy). Keep poking and annoying it while it is dying is cruel, and at best in very poor taste.

      --
      -- I ignore anonymous replies to my comments and postings.
    2. Re:How important we make ourselves seem by theshowmecanuck · · Score: 2

      I didn't know dying and dead were the same thing? Who has comprehension problems?

      --
      -- I ignore anonymous replies to my comments and postings.
  4. About time really.... by bazmail · · Score: 3, Informative

    I thought that Fake Steve blog shut down 2 years ago. It was funny for a while but got stale real fast when he was unmasked and the whole book thing.

    1. Re:About time really.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Parody is protected. There is nothing RSJ could do about it.

    2. Re:About time really.... by grouchomarxist · · Score: 2

      A one point RSJ said that FSJ was pretty funny.

    3. Re:About time really.... by node+3 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      In other words, Steve Jobs is an evil mastermind and any time he does something non-evil, it's just an evil ploy to appear non-evil...

  5. Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by BadAnalogyGuy · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Steve Jobs breathed life back into a dying Apple. It was his management that turned the company from a third-rate HW vendor into a juggernaut of ideas, concepts, products, and customer satisfaction. Sculley, Amelio, and the rest never could have done that.

    But if Steve goes, whence Apple? I'm sure he has a large cadre of lieutenants who can make good decisions in his stead, but can they get along? Can they drive the teams and call BS on half-assed engineering like Jobs? Do they have his business acumen?

    The problem of building a company around a single person means that person is the weakest link. When Steve decides to give up the mantle, will Apple be able to adjust to the absence and still succeed in the same ways?

    I doubt it, and that's why I've shorted Apple stock. Frankly, I suggest you all do likewise.

    1. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by dingen · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I do think however that Jobs' ideas of what Apple should do to stay in the lead are a lot clearer now than the first time he was in charge.

      --
      Pretty good is actually pretty bad.
    2. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by qengho · · Score: 3, Insightful

      ... I've shorted Apple stock. Frankly, I suggest you all do likewise.

      Um, yeah. Some folks might beg to differ.

      I view this as a one-day-only 5% discount sale.

    3. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by gnasher719 · · Score: 2

      Steve Jobs breathed life back into a dying Apple. It was his management that turned the company from a third-rate HW vendor into a juggernaut of ideas, concepts, products, and customer satisfaction. Sculley, Amelio, and the rest never could have done that.
      But if Steve goes, whence Apple? I'm sure he has a large cadre of lieutenants who can make good decisions in his stead, but can they get along? Can they drive the teams and call BS on half-assed engineering like Jobs? Do they have his business acumen?

      It is not so much the person of Steve Jobs, it is the direction the company is taking. When Sculley threw Steve Jobs out, the company then went _intentionally_ into a different direction than Steve Jobs wanted. That's why he had to go. We also may assume that the Steve Jobs who left back then was less experienced and less good at what he was doing than the Steve Jobs that returned many years later. Amelio on the other hand did an excellent job. He came to an Apple company that was in deep shit and figured out exactly what to do to make it survive and make it great again: Some emergency measures to keep the ship from sinking, hiring Steve Jobs back, and getting himself fired in the process. Nobody could have handled the situation better than he did. He did what was best for Apple, not what was best for his reputation.

      Anyway, the difference between back then and today is that Apple today knows that Steve Jobs' direction is exactly the direction they should be aiming at. So whether Steve Jobs is there or not, they won't change their direction this time.

      And you are supposed to short a stock before it drops, not after.

    4. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by vux984 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Um, yeah. Some folks might beg to differ.

      The same folks that were in denial about the housing bubble right up until it burst?

    5. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by nordah · · Score: 2

      [T]hat's why I've shorted Apple stock. Frankly, I suggest you all do likewise.

      How to get rich of Apple and other stocks:

      Step 1. Give dubious investment advice on Slashdot.

      Step 2. Take a market position counter to your own advice.

      Step 3. ??

      Step 4. Profit!!!

    6. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by Eil · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Steve Jobs breathed life back into a dying Apple. It was his management that turned the company from a third-rate HW vendor into a juggernaut of ideas, concepts, products, and customer satisfaction. Sculley, Amelio, and the rest never could have done that.

      It's true that Steve turned Apple around when he rejoined. But let's not forget that he was originally ousted from his own company because his impulsive decisions, empty showmanship, and abusive management style threatened to rip Apple apart right when it should have been concentrating on building a long-term strategy. Those other CEOs and executives who ran Apple during Jobs' exile wouldn't have produced the superstar corporation that Apple is today, but at least they knew how to keep the company afloat long enough for Jobs to mature on both a business and behavioral level. (Even if they didn't realize that's what they were doing.)

    7. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by noidentity · · Score: 2
      "I've shorted Apple stock. Frankly, I suggest you all do likewise."

      ...so later when its price falls, you can buy it back up and make a profit?

    8. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by ColdWetDog · · Score: 2

      The problem that I see in the future of Apple without Steve Jobs is that no matter how good his future replacement could be, people will always say that things are not the same, that Jobs times were better, and will be their fault for taking advantage of that cult of personality

      Yeah, like all the whining around here about how things were 'better in the old days". Borland / DEC / Compaq / IBM (well, maybe in the Selectric days). What's the tech equivalent for 'rose colored glasses'?

      --
      Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
    9. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by Mister+Whirly · · Score: 2

      Apple got rid of the great Steve a long while back. Now all they have is the good Steve. Apple has survived with and without Jobs before, and I am sure they will survive when Jobs is no longer with Apple anymore. Will it be the same company? Not so sure about that, time will tell. I am pretty sure the "Apple Formula"* can be carried on with or without Jobs though.


      *Take existing technology, put it in a very pretty box, market the hell out of it. Repeat.

      --
      "But this one goes to 11!"
    10. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by elbles · · Score: 2

      I don't think there was anything wrong or disingenuous about that statement.

      And, actually, I meant to specifically *include* the introduction of the iPhone in that time period, so my apologies for that, as that's the last Apple product that could be considered revolutionary (I still tend to think of it as evolutionary, as there were functional touch screen phones long before the iPhone, but I also realize most would disagree with my saying that). I really did mean to include the 2007 release of the iPhone there, I'm just still adjusting to the fact it's 2011. :-)

      The iPad is nothing more than an evolution of the iPhone. Hell, you could even argue that it's nothing more than a large iPhone, minus the whole phone part. And I'd certainly argue it "changing the whole computing landscape." Yes, it's sold a lot of units, but is it really changing anything? Out of everyone I know who has one, no one has given up their computer for one. Even the most ardent Apple fan in my office claims to use his iPad all the time, but only for web surfing (admittedly a large part of modern day computing, but certainly not all of it). It's much less of a game changer than the iPhone was, and my belief is that tablets will fizzle sooner or later. There's a time and place for smartphones, there's a time and place for laptops, but the niche where tablets apparently fit between the two is just that: a niche. We can talk about the sales figures as much as we want, but until tablets are as ubiquitous as either of the other two types of devices, it's wrong and disingenuous (in my opinion) to say they've changed the computing landscape.

      They aren't revolutions on a technical level, that's for sure. On a business level, the Apple app store has been a success, but I have to wonder what the landscape would look like if the traditional app sales model had been applied instead. I'm not saying it would have done better, but I'm not saying it would have done worse either. It's an honest question that I wish could be answered.

      On a societal level, it's certainly revolutionized things, but not necessarily for the better. (And I'm only 25, so it's not like I'm an old guy who doesn't understand how easy smartphones and the like have made things). Now get off my lawn! :-)

    11. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by mrxak · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Personally I think Cook and Schiller will keep the trains running, and Ives will be spokesman (he's got that watchable quality). Forstall will probably also have an increasing public profile, but in terms of products he'll probably remain with iOS stuff. Steve put so many good people in place around him, that Apple in the long run will be just fine no matter what. Obviously a succession plan in a company like Apple will have been in place for a long time, and with Steve Job's health problems in the past, he's definitely had more people in the spotlight with him recently, to get the public used to some of these guys.

      --
      -mrxak
      Onions Will Kill You
    12. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by dbIII · · Score: 2

      Is it really built around a single person or is that just the public face? I know, it's the USA, land of heroes and all that, but you guys forget he has a huge company behind him. He didn't design the iPod, iMac, iPad etc and may not even have come up with the naming system. IMHO Apple slumped last time because it was being run by a guy with a background in drinks instead of computers and he shut down everything that looked like it might be a risk if he couldn't understand the possibilities. It succeeded under Jobs because he knew what he was selling. Apple is full of people that know what it's selling. Remember that Apple has still been a success story while Steve Jobs has been sick. Somebody has been running the place.
      Apple will decline for years and eventually die if a random career CEO like Sol Trujillo is put in to run the place. If it's run by someone that understands what Apple sells and understands the benefits and risks of new technology (just like Steve Jobs) it will continue to succeed. You don't need a guy everyone cheers at trade shows to sell millions of mid-range mp3 players at a huge profit. While it helps many people that buy the things have never actually heard of him. Advertising, design and software sold them, thus Apple and not Steve Jobs himself. Personally I wish him better health and long life, however Apple is a lot bigger than Steve Jobs.

    13. Re:Can Apple survive without Jobs again? by dbIII · · Score: 2

      But let's not forget that he was originally ousted from his own company because his impulsive decisions

      He was kicked because the original Mac looked a bit too risky instead of just making Apple ][s forever. It's a textbook example of a board not having a clue what sort of company they were running.

  6. Jobs Not Long for this World by QuincyDurant · · Score: 2
    I think he's sicker than sick. To bail before the shareholder's meeting --where he has performed both effectively and with great personal gusto--tells me that he is simply unable to do it.

    I am an Apple fanboy of 30+ years duration. I am saddened by this development and applaud Fake Steve Jobs for his tact and judgment in this case. The company itself, however, may well prosper under new leadership as Apple continues to morph into an IBM-style megacorporation focused on efficiency and customer service. Their retail stores have a huge upside for growth and widespread consumer acceptance will no doubt drive more corporate IT acceptance as users demand it.

    I feel that this observation about Jobs's health and imminent departure, while perhaps in poor taste, needs to acknowledged as well

    1. Re:Jobs Not Long for this World by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

      The company itself, however, may well prosper under new leadership as Apple continues to morph into an IBM-style megacorporation focused on efficiency and customer service.

      You are aware that the company's secondary image — second only to Steve Jobs himself — revolves entirely around them not being an IBM-style megacorporation, right*? Given that, if you completely remove the image, the flashiness, and the "we're not a heartlessly efficient megacorporation, honest!" corporate persona that was the entire cornerstone of the Mac vs. PC ads (not to mention their current advertising), what you're left with is an overpriced hardware manufacturer with paranoid fears of compatibility?

      *: Regardless of what they actually ARE; I'm talking about the image they have, one which will become harder and harder to maintain the more they fall in that direction.

    2. Re:Jobs Not Long for this World by sglewis100 · · Score: 2

      Comdex showed the ipad has another year to advance without any viable competition.

      COMDEX? Now you're just showing your age. :)

  7. Cooke by goombah99 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    It's a measurable fact that Apple's market cap grew under Tim Cooke more than under Steve Jobs. One can question if he kept the idea pipeline stocked or was just a steward of an existing process. But the former is fact and the latter is speculation.

    It is likely that Steve has hired people who are great with ideas but not with the type-A self confidence he has. It's a common trait for uber egotists to drive other egotist out of their circle. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. I'm saying it is a common thing. It has been the dominant management style for most of human history.

    Thus the trouble is not replacing steve jobs but imagining who in his inner circle is capable of stepping up to be him. THat person may in fact not be in his inner circle. But maybe they alos don't need to replace him with someone just like him. they need a new leader with a new style. THey just might not find it right away till steve is truly gone.

    --
    Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
    1. Re:Cooke by initdeep · · Score: 2

      yeah, i bet it was real hard to keep that train going for less than a year.......

      come back when he's had to do it for 3 or 4 years and see where the company is.

      I'm not saying he can't, but I am saying the time he was "the head" was so short as to not be statistically relevant.

  8. Bullshit by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Here are the insider trades for the last year or so.

    I don't see Jobs there.

  9. You mean like this Fake Larry? by rsborg · · Score: 2

    http://fakelarryellison.blogspot.com/

    --
    Make sure everyone's vote counts: Verified Voting
  10. memories! like shorted stock inside your mind! by Gary+W.+Longsine · · Score: 2, Interesting

    You've been shorting AAPL since it was what, something like $13 bucks a share? You must have a lot of money to waste, shorting AAPL.

    --
    If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
  11. Illegal? by WillyWanker · · Score: 2

    Isn't it now illegal for FSJ to exist? Didn't California pass a law making it illegal to impersonate a celebrity?

    1. Re:Illegal? by e4g4 · · Score: 2

      Like many other laws, intent is key. It's clear that Dan Lyons' intent has no malice. He would therefore be in the clear (if he decides to restore his FSJ mantle should RSJ return).

      --
      The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein
  12. Re:ORLY by ColdWetDog · · Score: 2

    This a yawn-story (== ranked a little bit above a non-story)

    That's what Firehose is for. Once the story escapes, you're supposed to disparage the editor and the submitter. Preferably with pithy grammar related comments.

    Please Read The Manual.

    --
    Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
  13. Re:memories! like shorted stock inside your mind! by hedwards · · Score: 2

    That's why I don't recommend people short. The worst case scenario is a company like APPL which is vastly overpriced, but yet finds a way of growing to fit the market cap. Or where the delusion takes years to bust, in which case you're out a shitload of interest, assuming that the price ever does come down far enough to justify covering on price alone.

    If you really think that the price is going to tank, you're much better off going with options. As much as I despise the way they distort the market, they are the way of handling this sort of scenario where you believe the price to be too expensive.