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A Letter On Behalf of the World's PC Fixers
Barence writes "PC Pro's Steve Cassidy has written a letter on behalf of all the put-upon techies who've ever been called by a friend to fix their PC. His bile is directed at a friend who put a DVD bought on holiday into their laptop, and then wondered what went wrong. 'Once you stuck that DVD in there and started saying "yes, OK" to every resulting dialog box, you sank the whole thing,' Cassidy writes. 'It doesn't take 10 minutes to sort that out; it requires a complete machine reload to properly guarantee the infection is history. No, there is no neat and handy way I've been keeping secret that allows you to retain your extensive collection of stolen software licenses loaded on that laptop. I do disaster recovery, not disaster participation.'"
Newsflash: there are douchehats in every profession.
Computer fixers deal with people who click 'ok' on all the addons their favourite 'free' download site suggests.
Computer programmers deal with specs and users that want features they don't understand, and will never use.
Mechanics who deal with people who figured the 'little oil can light' wasn't anything serious and kept driving.
Accountants whose clients figure they didn't need to file their taxes for the last 3 years, or that it was acceptable to write off that hooker as a 'business expense'.
Teachers whose students are dumber than bricks, and have parents who insist its your fault.
If you don't like it, get a factory job.
My brother, who isn't averse to saying "you can fix my computer", is a truck driver. Next time he comes to visit me while on vacation I'm going to get him to haul some furniture for me. I wonder if that will be enough to make him get the point.
Drill baby drill - on Mars
I remember the days when most PCs got their viruses from removable media...
-jcr
The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
Apparently word hasn't gotten out that you "know horses"... Those fuckers are about as fun to fix as eMachines, and substantially more likely to attack you.
Hey, Some of us play Magic: The Gathering. Don't lump us in with those pokemon losers!
It's been 13 years since I did front-line support for home PC's. Back then I spent a lot of time fixing the computers of my relatives.
When I got a job writing and supporting industrial software for a pipeline company I started getting "out of touch" with home systems. Requests for assistance started getting replies beginning with, "I don't know if I can help - I haven't really done that kind of work in a while." Horse crap, to be sure, but it worked.
Now I help my parents when they need it, and recently I replaced a keyboard in my sister's laptop - but requests from cousins, aunts, and uncles have long since stopped.
Play dumb. It Works.
You've never tried this, have you? The sort of person who is easily frustrated by technology but has been barely getting by on windows gets utterly enraged when presented with different UI paradigms. I know because I tried this "fix" a couple of times for people. The problem isn't that either UI is too difficult-- the problem is that you're dealing with somebody who is utterly refusing to learn anything, and handing them a new OS is asking them to learn quite a few things all at once.
You are part of the problem. Instead of educating, you had them buy a unicorn. Way to go.
It's a perfectly reasonable response. All the computers on TV have a nigh-magical, unerringly task-specific UI (magically only available to the team's 'geeky tech genius') that can do anything the plot requires. In this case, the plot of their personal psychodrama requires magically fixing their machine. And you, the team's geeky tech genius, have just failed....
As a person who has fixed more relative's and friend's computers than I care to mention I have to say I think we need a union.
On a related note, I remember one time, about 10 years ago when I was working at a small PC shop. A customer came in and their windows install was hosed. The owner's daughter was the one who used the computer most. This 16 year old did her best to use her 'wiles' to convince me to somehow transfer all of her warez to the new install I was going to do for them. It was so easy to say no. I hope I held back my smirk well enough. Pay for your software.
Read my short stories - You won't regret it.
You just need to learn to say no. This works 100%:
Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Free PC repair"?
You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
'Cause it ain't there, 'cause repairing dead PCs ain't my fucking business, that's why!
Hey, some of us play Call of Cthulhu! Don't lump us in with those Magic losers!
"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." --Paul Atreides, Dune
And switched to Linux/Solaris/NetBSD. Now I can claim ignorance when presented with some Windows related issue. And people quit asking for my help when I started suggesting they try Ubuntu instead.
“Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
oblig.... http://dumpalink.com/videos/Nick-Burns-Your-Companys-Computer-Guy-193e.html
they say it is often more relevant then the comment above, all we know is its called the Sig!
My solution is simple: I refuse to touch Windows machines. The help choices I offer are:
1) I'll install Linux on it for you
2) I'll help you choose an appropriate Mac for your needs
No takers on either so far, and I don't often get bothered.
I went a little more in depth with my wife's cousin's wife, whose kids had installed Limewire and who knows what else on it and whose trial version of Norton had come with the computer and had expired over a year prior: I can't fix this, it's Windows and would be a bit out of my depth trying to fix it. If it were a Mac or a Linux machine I could, but if it were that, you probably wouldn't have this problem in the first place. You only have the manufacturer'l "Damn the data and re-image the disk" recovery CD, which makes it even harder.
At that point, I advised her to just write off that desktop (which she was using for her work as a real estate agent) and get a good laptop and never allow her children to touch it. I also offered to set up a second wireless network in their house that her computer and her kids' malware-infested computers never shared the same network. That was nearly a year ago, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't acted on any of that advice.
One of the morals of the story here is that if you are buying or selling a house, it couldn't hurt to ask prospective agents what they do to protect any data you give them. If they are utterly clueless about computers (as nearly all agents are), you'll find out soon enough.
I've converted more than a dozen individuals and families to the Mac. All have lived happily ever after.
A before you all geek rage on me, I have steered a few of the young-uns with a clear interest in computers as more than tools toward Linux.
http://xkcd.com/691/
So essentially you have 4 angles of attack instead of 1, each with security settings deliberately set to something different instead of something, say, secure? Tell me again how this in any way would limit possible attack vectors. Actually, tell me if you even know what that word means.
How about a screed against his fellow technical people?
You know, the one who *create* the malware and junkware and root kits and junk operating systems and whatnot.
Ya well, it comes with a rainbow and happy ending. What else did you want from me?
Life is not for the lazy.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
If that does not work, get a copy of the tech support script from... well, pretty much any tech company in existence. Then read it with a sloooooow ruuuural draaaaawwwl. If they interrupt you, then look confused and start over at the beginning.
I used to do it too, for everyone I knew, friends, work, family etc, and it got really irritating not only because they always called me at odd hours and any time they felt like it, but they also made the same damn mistakes. They aren't stupid, just unwilling, I mean, why bother learning something I show in five minutes, when they can call this idiot any time something goes wrong.
So, I've stopped doing it, when someone asked, I use linux, my knowledge is out of date, I don't have time, and so on. Now, they only call me when they're truly desperate, deadlines looming, sensitive data in danger and so on, and they pay, oh yes, they pay.
"If I knew how to do computer, I would help You so you should help me." Well my brother did help me move from my parents' house to my apartment --- ten years ago.
I wouldn't mind if he actually LEARNED something, but he's still stuck at the "how do I make firefox fill the whole screen" or "I have firefox open - how do I get back to desktop?" stage (try minimize and maximize like I taught you back in 1999). He never learns.
Just shut the hell up. I'd mod you down even lower but I see you're already at (-1) you fucking cockstucker. You really should be BANNED from posting
Are you the brother?
"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right" - Salvor Hardin
It can be worse. I'm an EE, and people I know think I can automagically fix *any* electronic device ever created.
One guy wanted me to fix his neon beer sign. I know just enough about neon signs to know I don't want to mess around with voltages like that.
Sometimes I get lucky. One friend called me and said the ceiling fan he installed is working oddly, and wondered if I knew what was wrong. From 10 miles away. :-/ A sudden brain wave made me ask if he had connected it to a dimmer switch. Sure enough, he had.
I still use BetaMax.
You see that lawn? Stay off it.
Malware makers can impersonate legitimate software makers. For example, google for VLC, and look at how many fake sites there are (the real one is http://www.videolan.org/). Right now, the highest suspicious one is only #5, but if they can SEO themselves above the real site (or buy an ad placement)...
I suggest setting these down yourself, if you're frequently called upon to help. Generally, I've found it actually makes people slightly happier with you - apparently, placing more value on your skills makes others value them more as well.
It was a perfectly rational decision; I decided since I didn't have tits, I'd better learn tech skills or nobody would talk to me!
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
I find that when you are kind to family and friends, they are kind back. I help people with computer issues and in return they help me in their skilled areas. My dad, while not a mechanic, has a great deal of automotive experience and worked in the industry many a year. He has helped my numerous times with car problems. A good friend who comes to me for computer advice has been plenty happy to help me with home improvement work, as a couple of examples.
Part of being a family is helping one another in ways that you can. That can be emotional support, advice, using your skills, etc. Give and get. Now if the other party is someone who just takes and takes, well then ya they aren't someone who you help, or probably associate with all that much. However you find that in general if you are nice, other people will be too.
I'm very happy to help friends and family and they are happy to help me. Works out well.
Try power-cycling the horse and see if the problem goes away...
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
>> unemployed for six months, living in my guest room, eating from my fridge
Are you still taking applications for this position?
I don't know about "substantially". I've got a couple of scars from those cheap as shit cases that must have been made by Schick or Gillette.
My blog. Good stuff (when I remember to update it). Read it.
I used to do computer work for females at work, since I considered it a friendly gesture. (I'm not terribly attracted to girls, btw, most times I was looking for friendship.) Then I noticed that after the work was done, just like straight guys have found, you get entirely shut down. I noticed there were two things going on: 1.) the girl assumed that I was fixing her computer because I was interested in her tits and 2.) actual attraction to said tits has nothing to do with it, i.e. there's nothing I was doing wrong like drooling all over her.
I don't fix anyone's computers for free anymore. I started telling the girls at work that it would cost $100 per hour for a minimum of one hour for me to even look at it, and they stopped asking after about the 3rd time.
Join the Slashcott! Stay away entirely Feb 10 thru Feb 17! Close all tabs to prevent autorefresh!
You just need to learn to say no. This works 100%:
Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Free PC repair"?
You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
'Cause it ain't there, 'cause repairing dead PCs ain't my fucking business, that's why!
I've built three boxes. Impressive systems which could withstand the changes of time for about a decade with minimal upgrades. Lian Li cabinets, PC Power & Cooling PSW, ASUS mobo, Radeon AIW video cards, 4GB of ram, 500GB of drive space, DVD RW, the works.
Two are still going strong.
One was tossed (TOSSED!) due to a minor issue, in favor of a Big Box Store PC which was inferior in every way. Then the owner wanted further help. Why did you toss a system which was an absolute brick for a discounter's offering? Nope, not going to touch one of those. Wouldn't even want to try with the way those things are bundled up with stuff.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
well there's a reasonable response. Personally, if I think someone only wants to deal with me so I can fix their computer, I don't need them around. Plenty of people in the world enjoy my company and don't want PC help.
"We returned the General to El Salvador, or maybe Guatemala, it's difficult to tell from 10,000 feet"
I've heard it... never experienced it though. Seems like it mostly happens to people who install and remove programs all day long, download crapware, and so on. Doesn't happen to a normally used system where you install the programs you need to be productive and then just use them.
Dirty little secret: "rot" can happen to any OS if you add and remove enough things. Especially if you don't know or don't care exactly what you're adding and removing.
My blog. Good stuff (when I remember to update it). Read it.
As the guy who receives these infected and mistreated computers in my large circle of friends, family, and co-workers (and then combinations thereof), I have to say: If you have a problem fixing any computer, just don't fix it.
I've gotten such severely infected systems that I spend the greater part of my weekend cleaning said infections and uninstalling malware only to pop in a couple spare sticks of RAM or an old video card (where there was once only on-board video). Why? Because I like the people around me and I like to make sure the quality of life is good... if not better than what it was. Seriously. I care about my friends and coworkers and friends of coworkers and coworkers of friends. If they need help and I can help them, I'm going to do it.
Just remember to do a full write-up of all the actions you did:
--Quote the number of infections
--Install as much free/open-source alternatives to their malware-ridden pirated software as possible
--List the names of the software and describe what they do
--List some "best practices" for real-world computer usage.
--Let them know that you do this so their lives can be easier and so they have to spend less money now and in the future.
Put that write-up on the desktop and give a mini-presentation to the owner before they retake the computer. They'll appreciate the education, they'll appreciate the free utility and any upgrades you surprise them with, once they understand the effort involved in the service a friend provides for free, they'll appreciate /you/.
Dear [Insert Name Here],
I completely sympathize with your situation, but I will not touch your computer. First off, I can't 'just take a look at it.' If I take a look, I promise that I will find things wrong with it. And then, inevitably, you'll ask me to go from 'just looking' to tweak it. Then after tweaking, full on, sleeves rolled up, virus killing, settings-changing, registry-editing, repair mode. Which is what you wanted all along, isn't it? You don't want me to take a look, you want me to fix everything that's wrong, speed it up, clean up your files and complete advanced maintenance tasks which you can't even pronounce, let alone perform properly. .dll isn't being found by what .exe, which isn't running when another program expects it to be and fails silently with no log file that cascades into a waterfall of failure that rivals Niagara on a good day.
It's a fifty-fifty shot on whether I can fix the computer. I'm not really dealing with 'a computer' here, what I'm dealing with is the combined stupidity of every Redmond employee and every developer, decision-maker, and contractor that worked on any piece of software on your computer. Because the thing starts up and POSTs just fine. I'm the poor sap who has to figure out what
And that's only if it's a real bug! You've probably downloaded cracks, and serial numbers (I see you've got the complete Adobe Creative Suite 5 Master Edition installed, that's only $2600, I'm sure you bought a legal license...) and oh, what's this, 13 toolbars in IE! Bonsai Buddy! Password Saver Online! I'm sure all these are totally legit, and none of them are software deliberately trying to mess up your computer. That's a whole other ballgame, not poorly designed software but maliciously designed software that will make you part of a botnet, steal your passwords and let someone watch everything you're doing in real time. I'm sure that's going to be really easy for me to clean up, because I'm an expert in the intricate, retarded, ineffective internal design of the Windows security model.
Let's even say I manage to get your computer into some semblance of working order, after five or six frustrating hours (while you watch TV and relax after your hard day at the Dress Barn.) Pray tell what will I get in return? Maybe if you're generous twenty-five, fifty bucks tops? Not even enough to fill up my gas tank. Would you do something frustrating, something you consider vile and degrading, for $5 an hour after you just got out of a long day of work making way more than that and being much less frustrated and degraded? Let's put it this way, what if I walked up to you and asked, "Hey, why don't you do my laundry? C'mon, most of the time you're not even doing anything, the machine does all the work. And make sure it's folded right! How about you scrub my floors on your hands and knees while I watch from the couch? No? OK, make me some dinner. Nothing too special, just a standard egg and cheese souffle, lobster thermadore in a white wine sauce and chocolate mousse for dessert." You'd answer "No?" Wow, what a surprise.
But besides the insulting pittance and the degradation, what I'm sure you'll give me is the blame if anything ever goes wrong with anything on your computer from now until eternity. (About that dinner, don't worry, I'll buy the parts, er.., ingredients. But I'll blame you if you break a dish or the stove goes out two months later.) Because I messed with it. That's because nothing ever breaks, everything is forever and entropy is just a made-up word. (Who am I kidding, you don't know what entropy is.) That's my thanks for fixing the computer.
On second though, how about I don't fix it and I save myself a huge fscking headache and you keep your fifty bucks?
UAC works fairly well for this in Win7 /if/ you can get away with not giving them an admin account. Just like not giving root on the linux box. I've done this for two sane people, set up autoinstall of updates (including Windows defender), and so far no problems.
Of course you usually can't get away with that because users really really want to install that cool malware. And by users I mean family members.
That most geeks are the problem in that situation. Geeks in general seem to have less social skills and social graces than most people. They also seem to get a bit big-headed about their abilities and computers in general. Their attitude is "You should know that," and "RTFM noob." They feel put upon and act like martyrs when someone has the audacity to ask them for help.
Well guess what? Act like that and it shouldn't be a surprise people aren't so nice. Even if you do help them, if you are abusive about it they don't feel like you really did them much of a favour.
I'm not saying that geeks are always the ones at fault here, but I think it is more often than not. When you are nice and polite, help when you can, say no nicely and explain why when you can't, people are nice back. I've had good luck with that in general, and not just with family.
Some time ago I had a roommate who was a plumber. I helped him with his laptop. Old piece of shit, ran really poorly. While I couldn't make it great, I made it better. Took a fair bit of work, probably 4-6 hours of my time and really isn't worth it for something that old when you get down to it, at least had I billed him. However I did it to be nice. In turn, I got a lot of minor plumbing problems fixed. Heck he redid my kitchen drain without asking or charging for the parts (which were only like $10), he noticed it was rusting out and would be a problem in the future, and since it was cheap and simple he just did it.
Really it is on you to be the nice open one with people. If they are jerks, then you cut them off and stop helping. But you can't expect people to come and lavish help on you and only then do you open up to them. Be nice and friendly, you'll find many people are back.
I kept saying that to one particular, anonymous relative who kept needing assistance with his/her computer. Eventually, (s)he did buy a Mac, and guess what? No more virus/malware problems, but this person managed to lose the icons for Word and Excel in the dock (twice) -- one time actually having *deleted* Office entirely, and I'm still not sure how (s)he managed to do that -- and even completely locked the Mac up a couple of times. I use a Mac sometimes too, although I prefer Linux, and have never, ever seen anything like the problems this person has with his/her Mac.
Macs are good, and they are designed to be used by non-technical people, but they are not foolproof. A determined enough user can break a Mac, too.
MCSE? No, sir...I don't do Windows. Yes, I am an idealist. What's your point?
60 mA at 60 Hz? Hell yes that's dangerous. Neon sign transformers don't have enough energy for arc-flash or serious heat damage, but they can drive plenty of current through your heart. They can, however, be trouble-shot safely. If you can draw an arc form the transformer and the short-circuit current is in spec, the problem is the tube or the insulation somewhere in the system. Resistance at the terminals of the transformer (as measured with 10 volts or more) should be at least several Mohm. If it's less than that, replace rotted HV cables and wipe case of transformer and sign tube with isopropanol.
If you can't draw an arc, the transformer is potted in tar and the labor to repair one (if it can even be done) is far more expensive than the replacement. If neither of the above fixes it, you'll have to get a new sign.
The behavior of a switch-mode supply when driving something other than the specified load is somewhat unpredictable, so testing the power supply in that case requires replacement with a known-good part to see if the problem is fixed.
Next time tell them they get 90 days free support for OS X and the iLife apps from time of purchase.
You'd be surprised at the amount of simple help they can get on the phone, and the amount of useful links they can get as well.
With the cost of pc being so low, it's pretty hard to ever justify taking a system to a professional fixer. Most people just decide it's time to upgrade and throw out the old system.
Now, some people genuinely need a new computer as the last time they've upgraded was 2001, but most of those parts are more than usable.
i have lots of good, usable parts left over from upgrades. Eventually, i put enough parts together to reassemble the system and pass on to a relative, which always ends up being an upgrade for them. For those systems, I give free support, since i don't want to see a good, usable computer end up in a landfill. for everyone else i expect something, and charge by how much i like them or how much work it will be for me.
If I do not know something, do not grill me on the intricacies of it, as "I do not know" means exactly what I say.
What you see as grilling you on the intricacies, the other person might see as rephrasing the question in different terms to jog your memory. Their mindset appears to be the same as that of a text adventure player who runs up against a guess the verb problem.
WebM did not replace h.264. VP8 replaced h.264. WebM replaced .mp4. WebM is based on Matroska, the superset of .mkv, .mka, and .mks. Turn in your geek card.
Fortunately I had just put my coffee down before I got to this response. My monitor and keyboard are also grateful for this fortuitous timing.
Sara
Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
Showing every one that using an OS with limited option limits the options you have.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
I've told one family, when asked, that I don't install a cracked product. They stopped asking me for help. That's great!
I don't install file-sharers - LimeWire's popular here. If they want to, up to them but they can figure it out. And I'll clean it up next time 'round and get two bottles of wine from Dad for the labour.
Worst I've seen is when I cleaned up (reformatted) one PC, then had to do it again as the teenager had wrecked it within a week. I sat with her once while she went to a website and clicked "ok" to everything that got between her and the screen she wanted. All the time keeping up a stream of chatter. 'Did you read that message?", I asked. "No", she said. The family went to a Mac within a year, because "PCs just don't seem to work for us", the mother said. No shit.
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes" - Winston Churchill
U-Matic SP and J-format tape.
your lawn seems to be on my lawn.
I am very surprised that nobody has said that this yet.
Number one rule: never login as Administrator (or root), unless you need to do maintenance. Playing a dvd is not maintenance.
http://blogs.msdn.com/b/aaron_margosis/archive/2004/06/17/157962.aspx "Why you shouldn't run as admin..."
So a message to all pc-fixers out there: if your friend does want the automatic login, make sure it automatically logs in to an account that is in the "Users" group. And you could even go as far as not giving the Administrator password to your friend.
If users log in as Administrator when all they want to do is surf the web, write some email, write a document with MS Word or play a dvd. Then do not blame Microsoft if your pc gets hacked. It's your own fault.
This particular article by Aaron Margosis was written seven years ago.
Notice the hostile attitude, the "People owe me," mentality and so on.
I don't think I got screwed at all. I didn't say to him "Ok I am spending this time and I bill out at $100/hour for indy work so I expect that much back from you." No, I did it to be nice to him. In turn he was nice to me. Did he do anything big? No, didn't have any big jobs, but he was very willing to help with things in his area of expertise. Funny enough, if we actually were to compare billings I'd probably owe him money. the company he worked for charged $300 for a simple drain replacement like he did because people don't know how to do it themselves (though it is not hard) and leaking water is a major problem. That was just an example, that wasn't the only thing he ever did to help me (nor the only thing I ever did to help him).
As for "administrate the network" oh get off your high horse. I actually DO administer our building's network at work, and have previously done much higher level network administration. That can take some work. At home? My network is a cable modem plugged in to a switch. That's it. It's a consumer network, there ain't shit to administer son. If the lights on the modem go out I call the ISP, that's all.
I suppose I did more than him with it since I paid the bills and made the calls but that's called "being a homeowner" and is why I get to charge rent for someone to live here, if I so choose. I take care of all the services, and just charge them their share.
Seriously, you just provided an excellent example of the personality I was talking about. You are so concerned about not getting "boned" that you are a dick and thus "bone" yourself by not having people who will help you.
Life is kinda nice when you have friends and family you can turn to when you need help. It does mean you have to be willing to give as well as get though, and you can't sit and try to demand 100% parity on everything. It isn't a business transaction, it is a person helping another.
I'm 'retiring' from fixing other people's computers. It's not worth the headache. I have two machines that I have already agreed to fix, after that. If I'm not having sex with you or your mother, it's extremely unlikely that I will ever be fixing your computer.
LK
"Hi. This is my friend, Jack Shit, and you don't know him." - Lord Kano
The rant was concerning a security problem -- specifically, an unprincipled and careless user installed a lot of dodgy software, got burned, and took the techie's help for granted. The user's behavior is consistent: it's clear she doesn't think about the welfare of others or the consequences of her actions, so it's no surprise that she's ungrateful for the techie's help, and doesn't appreciate the amount of work involved.
I love helping friends and family with computer problems -- but the problems I get are requests for help in installing a hard drive, configuring a printer, or figuring out how to use some software. I usually get generous thanks for helping them.
The author of the rant needs to deal with his real problem: he has lousy friends. That the immediate problems were computer problem is incidental.