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Oracle's Ellison Accused of Running Executive Fighting Ring

Posted by Soulskill on from the my-money's-on-ballmer-if-he-can-wield-chairs dept.

Mr. Shotgun writes "SEC investigators Jedi Vulcans Cylons claim to have broken up an underground fighting ring in which participants beat each other bloody dueled with lightsabers battled in mind melds nuked Caprica . To add insult to injury, the victors then brokered business deals that skirted US securities law and deprived the losers of valuable stock options midichlorians katras skinjobs . The mastermind behind the Silicon Valley fight club is alleged to be eccentric billionaire and Oracle CEO Larry Ellison Mace Windu Sarek, son of Skon GE toaster ."

11 of 56 comments (clear)

  1. I would watch that by Stenchwarrior · · Score: 4, Funny

    I would so pay to watch Silicon Valley geeks kick each others' asses. They could easily get their own network.

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    1. Re:I would watch that by Tobenisstinky · · Score: 2

      My money's on Monkey Boy!

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      wha'? where am i?
    2. Re:I would watch that by Darinbob · · Score: 2

      This fight brought to you by... Torgo's Executive Powder!

  2. Slashdot employs professional proofreader by Hazel+Bergeron · · Score: 4, Funny

    Launched in 1996, technology-related news web site Slashdot has been sloshing around the Intertubes for almost 17 years, attracting a wide share of geeks and their mothers when they walk into the basement and glance at the screen. But, as this paragraph shows, summaries have been rife with trivial factual, spelling and grammatical errors. After a three month consultation with users completed by impartial research group IDG, Slashdot's parent company have decided to take the giant leap of employing a single, full-time proofreader for all article submissions. This proofreader, who will start his work about 10 minutes from now, will be charged with ensuring that every T is dotted and every I crossed. Apostrophe's will be correctly placed, giving a better reader experience then ever before. UNIX and MAC users will be united in common enjoyment of queen's American English. The proofreader will also be responsible for dupe and repetition control. Which begs the question: how can we make Slashdot aeven better?

  3. The first rule of Oracle: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2

    You DON'T talk about Oracle!

  4. First Rule... by nschubach · · Score: 2

    The first rule of Ellison's Fight Club is you don't talk about Ellison's Fight Club.

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    Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
  5. Stop (+1) by slshwtw · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Excuse me while I mine +1 insightful mods by complaining about how much this site sucks on April Fools each year.

  6. Re:Enough. by Saffire · · Score: 2

    Lighten up. I happen to enjoy reading these articles. If you don't like them why don't you just come back tomorrow?

  7. How it would play out by ackthpt · · Score: 2

    I would love to see that happen. Tech 'gurus' against cartoon channel execs.

    Wet noodles at 10 paces.

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    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
  8. Re:Took about long enough. by ackthpt · · Score: 2

    Finally, an April Fools day story that I honestly had to think twice about.

    The true art of successful April Fools gags is that they have a high degree of believability to them - e.g. Your shoe is untied (assuming you are wearing shoes and they have laces)

    Claiming that NASA have found traces of Green Cheese on the moon would only fool the extremely naive.

    Claiming Larry Ellison is bare-knuckling it with other tech people would be quite a stretch.

    Claiming Larry Ellison has made a move to buy out Apple would have people reading on and possibly some foolish people running out to buy Apple stock or sell Oracle stock and therefore would be more effective.

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    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
  9. First rule of geek fight club.... by lindoran · · Score: 2

    don't talk to the SEC about Geek Fight Club.