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TSA Mandates GA 'Self-Pat-Down' Program

Posted by timothy on from the if-you-could-do-that-you'd-never-leave-the-airport dept.

countertrolling writes "In a compromise measure that attempts to balance calls for increased security uncertainty fromulance arousal in General Aviation operations against the individual liberties of GA pilots, [TSA head John] Pistole Rifley Bazookie Airowe announced that a new self-administered pat-down program would be mandatory in the very near future. Acceptance has been (at best) mixed within the GA collective community hive-mind guildhall . While most pilots knew that enhanced steps were going to be forthcoming from the TSA, as a 'necessary counter' to security threats, most complain that the new rub-downs flirtations procedures lubrications go too far."

22 of 35 comments (clear)

  1. I predict an INCREASE in air accidents by tomhudson · · Score: 2

    After all, you can go blind doing that.

    1. Re:I predict an INCREASE in air accidents by $RANDOMLUSER · · Score: 2

      "OK, OK, I'll just do it until I need glasses!" -- Stevie Wonder

      --
      No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Winston Churchill
  2. Re:Fail by Corwyn_123 · · Score: 1

    This is too likely to be true.

    Why don't we have an article about the TSA's "strip naked in public" program, as the new mandatory alternative to full HD body scanners?

    Because that's all too likely to be true as well in the very near future, don't put it past DHS and the TSA to make someone strip naked in public.

  3. Everytime I do a self-pat down. by LordofEntropy · · Score: 2

    I get excited...and arrested.

    --
    Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
    1. Re:Everytime I do a self-pat down. by SeaFox · · Score: 1

      Can't you just have them run your through a metal detector at that point. I'm sure they really will believe you when you tell them "it's not a concealed gun" after that.

  4. The only way some people get touched. by Neanderthal+Ninny · · Score: 1

    For some people, this is only way for them to get touch in any way.

  5. TSA announces New Terror Alert Status by ackthpt · · Score: 2

    Tweed

    Cardigan

    Pleated

    Denim

    and

    Permanent Press

    --

    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
  6. Hmm.. by danwesnor · · Score: 3, Funny

    Do they give you, you know, like a magazine or video to watch while you pat yourself down?

    1. Re:Hmm.. by marblesbot · · Score: 1

      Yes. This is what the body scanners are for. I like to use my own body scan image. You can't have given yourself a pat down in the previous 48 hours to flying, though.

    2. Re:Hmm.. by SeaFox · · Score: 1

      I hear the training material for the procedure was a Macarena video.

  7. You're doing it wrong by FatLittleMonkey · · Score: 2

    I think you, like a number of posters, have misunderstood the Slashdot April Fool's tradition. It consists of a) one stupid "feature" on the site, and b) April Fool's articles written by other sites, as submitted by /. users. The editors don't create the mock articles.

    --
    Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
  8. I wonder.. by Haedrian · · Score: 1

    If we take videos of people patting themselves down, and sell them on the internet, could we subsidize air travel prices?

  9. My experience with "self-patting" by Frosty+Piss · · Score: 2

    The last time I "self-patted" myself at the airport, I ended up missing my flight and now I'm on some sort of "registry".

    --
    If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
  10. Re:For this you burn electricity? by Joe+U · · Score: 1

    Yes yes, thank you for your input. Please leave your written complaints on the floor by the exit.

  11. Re:Burn the Quran instead by hedwards · · Score: 1

    So, making bigoted remarks that piss off the ones that haven't yet decided which side their on is productive? Do we drop nukes on Riyadh and hope for the best?

  12. Re:April First Post by sycodon · · Score: 1

    April First FAIL for all these stories.

    You should at least make up shit that is halfway believable.

    --
    When Fascism comes to America, it will call itself Anti-Fascism, and tell you to give up your guns.
  13. Security first! by Dare+nMc · · Score: 1

    Forget security through obscurity, they need to put the naked pictures from the body scanner on a projection screen for all passengers in line behind to inspect for um contraband.

  14. Re:Burn the Quran instead by dgatwood · · Score: 2

    Wait, what if you are a Zoroastrian?

    My guess is they'll make you go out to the parking lot and burn a Mazda.

    Ba-dump-ching. Thanks. I'll be here all night.

    --

    Check out my sci-fi/humor trilogy at PatriotsBooks.

  15. Got more post in today by kyrio · · Score: 1

    than I've had in the last two months.

  16. Re:Burn the Quran instead by zippthorne · · Score: 1

    Wait, what if you are a Zoroastrian?

    My guess is they'll make you go out to the parking lot and burn a Mazda

    But only if Nichelle Nichols is driving it...

    --
    Can you be Even More Awesome?!
  17. Re:Burn the Quran instead by zippthorne · · Score: 1

    Gah.. should've thought about tenses a little further. "owned" would've been a better choice of words than "is driving". Stupid easy to hit submit button not far enough away from the preview button..

    --
    Can you be Even More Awesome?!
  18. I just want to be an April Fool by Agent0013 · · Score: 1

    I am posting in this story so I can be an April Fool!

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    -- ssoorrrryy,, dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh oonn.. -Quote found on actual fortune cookie.