Can't Get a Real Girlfriend? Get a "Cloud" Girlfriend

An anonymous reader writes "In news that could make many lonely tech savvy men have more of a spring in their steps is the launch of 'Cloud Girlfriend' which is a start up tech company based in California whose service is to match a user to his perfect match. The sad part is the relationship will only be internet based. Reported by Sara Yin of PC Mag, 'Cloud Girlfriend' will be free as David Fuhriman co-founder is quoted with saying 'We allow people to define their ideal self, find their perfect girlfriend or boyfriend and connect and interact as if that person existed. We will fulfill the 4 steps on the landing page, but not create any fake accounts.'"

Comments

Mockery

[Sonny Yatsen]

Well, as atrociously bad as I am at dating, it's always nice to know that there will always be somebody sadder and more pathetic than you.

Re:Mockery

[ColdWetDog]

Yes, I think this is the saddest thing ever. I don't even dare RTFA. TFS is already more than I can stand.

Well, then don't read this one. Not goatse or anything similar but creepy in that unique Japanese way of introducing tentacles into everything.

Re:Mockery

[maxwell demon]

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

What about chatting with your girlfriend and pretending it's a bot? :-)

Re:Mockery

[oldmac31310]

TMI. Ew.

Re:Mockery

[random coward]

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

What about chatting with your girlfriend and pretending it's a bot? :-)

Well played...

Re:Mockery

[misexistentialist]

Western women are just as concerned with you being a provider, and divorce isn't unlikely if you start earning less. Being a doctor in the West makes ladies swoon; because of economic differences an average Western salary has the same effect in some foreign lands.

Re:Mockery

[dcherryholmes]

Or, instead of "gold diggers," they might be women who view security and stability in a man about the same way we view a huge rack or willingness to play WoW with us. You know, like pretty much every girl on the planet. Of course gold diggers, users, what have you are out there, but I don't think you can ascribe this entire phenomenon to just that. Rather, it's probably that any westerner of even modest means is, relatively, fantastically rich compared to the locals.

Re:Mockery

[El Torico]

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

What about chatting with your girlfriend and pretending it's a bot? :-)

That would have kept me interested in some of the women I've dated. A shallow, self absorbed bitch is a lot more interesting when you think of her as a Turing test.

Re:Mockery

[meowris]

My friend found a girlfriend in Thailand; they both have balls.

Re:Mockery

[linuxwolf69]

RTFA. They have real men that will talk to you through your imaginary girlfriend's profile. FAIL.

FTFY

Re:Mockery

[Paracelcus]

Just Google "Russian Brides" to see how pathetic, lonely American men are being used as piggy banks by eastern European grifters.

1. Look at the picture (wow!)
2. Check the name (there seem to be only 5 or 6)
3. Age, Education, Profession (She's 18, a university grad, and a doctor)
4. None of them smoke, drink or have criminal backgrounds

And they all live in a hotel in Bucharest with a drug addict named Igor!

Re:Mockery

[Sectoid_Dev]

All women are concerned with how well you will provide for them, as well as protect them. It's a fundamental part of human nature, and it's ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

I would contend there is something more subtle at work with the male/female relationship when it comes to money. Yes, most of the time it manifests as women being impressed and relieved that the man they have chosen is a good provider and they can enjoy some of the nicer things in life and birth their children into a world of more opportunities, stability and less hardship. But that paints with a very wide brush and there are some women who do enjoy competing out in the world and making the cash for themselves and don't look down at their man who makes less, IF and ONLY IF, he brings something else that she values into the relationship. He might be the source of stability in her chaotic world. Perhaps he is very family oriented with a large loving family of his own while she had been raised with family dysfunction and rage. The point being is that there is always a reason that a woman CHOOSES a man. It may not be a good reason, but it doesn't always have to be about the money.

Re:Mockery

[Americano]

Oh, you think you're pushing the button, for sure. But really, she's just faking.

Re:Mockery

[Mongoose Disciple]

Or, instead of "gold diggers," they might be women who view security and stability in a man about the same way we view a huge rack or willingness to play WoW with us.

Today I learned that I'm the man equivalent of a gold digger.

Re:Mockery

[penguinchris]

Women are pretty well respected in the terms you're referring to in Thailand. And if anything, the typical western guys who go to Thailand looking for a girlfriend are not the enlightened, ideal western man who respects women, and are much worse than typical Thais in their attitudes toward women! Many westerners who go to Thailand for the girls are if not abusive, at least disrespectful both to women in general and Thai culture.

I have spent nearly a year in total in Thailand for various reasons (initially went as a grad student researching the geology there). I met my girlfriend (and future wife) there. She's Thai and is not from the middle or upper classes - actually she came from a hill tribe, one of the poorest demographics, but she's quite sharp and is doing OK for herself with various retail-type jobs after moving to the city (Chiang Mai, not Bangkok). I've interacted a lot with the type of women being referred to in this slashdot thread, though, because my girlfriend knows them - they're relatively poor and are interested in western guys mainly for money.

My girlfriend, her sister, and her closest friends are not like that. There are plenty of girls who aren't, in other words. It would be a lie to say they're not attracted by the idea of financial security - they typically make maybe $150 US a month and there's not much room for advancement without expensive education. However, the real issue is that the "good" Thai men are taken by the middle and upper class Thai women. If you're a poor Thai girl, you're left with choosing between largely low-life Thais, or western guys. The low-life western guys end up with prostitutes, but if you're a decent western guy you can easily end up with a perfectly nice Thai girl. Also, many Thai girls prefer western guys for their looks - being large (even just from being a little overweight - not too much though) is attractive to many Thai girls (like in olden times in the west, this may have something to do with being large making you appear to be well-off - regardless of the fact that in the west nowadays it's often the poorest people who are the largest! but I mean large in terms of tall and muscular, too, which most Thai men aren't).

Now, I'm a geek, and intelligent. I'm reasonably attractive (not ugly anyway) and just slightly overweight. I have literally never been without a girlfriend since I was 15 - I'm 24 now - and did not go to Thailand for the express purpose of having sex with Thai girls, and never expected to meet anyone. That, unfortunately, is not the attitude of most western men who go there, to put it mildly, so lots of nice Thai girls end up with assholes. Then the girls, once they realize they're with assholes, often turn into gold diggers as they become more and more cynical. In my case I found my girlfriend rather serendipitously (I was not looking for a girlfriend and she was not looking for a boyfriend, but we "clicked" almost immediately) and we are both very happy, and very sincere, in our relationship - regardless of how much money I can give her or her family (none, actually, as I can't find a job).

Thai culture results in women who are respectful, endlessly kind, and ferociously loyal - the opposite of the stereotype western men are familiar with, because the Thai girls western men are familiar with are mostly prostitutes who have strayed far from Thai cultural norms. Thai men are similar on the surface, but it's extremely common for them to have disrespectful attitudes toward women, despite what I said earlier (most men are the low-lifes I mentioned - there are plenty who aren't, but it's common) - it's considered normal to have multiple mistresses even when married, for example. Indeed, Thai men are the main clientele for most prostitutes, not foreigners! So there may be some truth to what you're saying after all. It's a complex society and culture, I'll leave it at that :)

Re:Mockery

[sakdoctor]

She's a gold digger. You're a a gold farmer.

Hmm...

[Lunaritian]

I wonder if I can confuse it by saying that my perfect girlfriend would be real and not just bits on a server far away.

Re:Hmm...

[elrous0]

I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that the only people who will get fucked thanks to this "service" are the morons stupid enough to invest in it.

Suicide is painless.

[the_raptor]

I give it a year until someone commits suicide because his "cloud" girlfriend broke up with him.

Re:Suicide is painless.

[Dr. Spork]

I was thinking that there will be the geek whose cloud girlfriend will totally cockblock him when a real girl loses interest in him because he appears taken. Or worse, he does start dating a great girl he likes, and then gets the dreaded "OK, who the fuck is Ashley Moore and why is she blowing you kisses on your fucking wall?"

Needs one more feature

[hellfire]

All they need now is a blow job attachment via USB to your computer, and they will end up making beeeellllioooons!

Re: Needs one more feature

[CharlyFoxtrot]

I bet she won't let him install his firmware either.

Orgy

[mholve]

"Can you imagine a Beowulf cluster of these?"

Re:Eliza ?

[0100010001010011]

The internet. Where Men are Men.
And the Women are Too.

Re:Do not want

[BarryJacobsen]

Any "relationship" that doesn't include at least the possibility of getting a blowjob is no relationship at all.

I think you'd have some lesbians that would argue that's not true...

Re:Goodby Body prejudice

[Kreigaffe]

No it won't, because there is no relationship at any point to be found here. It's all fake. It TELLS YOU it's fake. This is just sad, and has no redeeming points or up sides. Just sad.

Re:How to monetize this?

[Sonny Yatsen]

It's really easy to monetize this. Just make microtransactions available where you can buy gifts or whatever for your virtual girlfriend. People already spend stupid amounts of money to buy crap like a virtual fountain for their virtual house on their virtual farm. Imagine if they also had some sort of virtual emotional attachment to go along with it.

Re:Do not want

[Nidi62]

Any "relationship" that doesn't include at least the possibility of getting a blowjob is no relationship at all.

So, marriage doesn't count as a real relationship?

"Your G/F is named Minuet?!"

[starglider29a]

"So is MINE! The two-timing $|^+!"

Call me old fashioned

[Anonymous Coward]

I would just stick with porn.

Re:Eliza ?

[slim]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women. Presumably because they've not got a chat-bot that's convincing enough.

So it's:
1. Dork tells you properties of the pretend woman he wants
2. Facebook profile created for pretend woman (somehow avoiding violating Facebook TOS)
3. Pretend woman becomes a Facebook "friend" of dork
4. Employee, in persona of pretend woman, posts some girlfriend-ish stuff on dork's Facebook wall etc.
5. ????
6. Profit

(Where ???? presumably entails some targeted advertising etc.)

self gratification

[fermion]

In one of the books I read as a young person, self gratification was depreciated as a viable form of expression because if overused it could prevent the development of reasonable normal form of social interaction. It is important for most people to go and learn to play, communicate, get rejected, make compromises, and actually have real friends and lovers, at least for portions of their lives.

So my issue with this is it is another step in the isolationism that really is not healthy. While some might say this is good as one can go to parties and text and receive texts from your long distance relationship, so not to be embarrassed. Some people might find you more attractive because you are in a relationship, but at some point the truth will emerge. That users of this service are losers who can't participate in a valid relationship. And dating is not expensive. Hiring prostitutes is expensive. Looking for people who meet pre existiing expectations is expensive. But dating is just going out and having fun. Not Expensvie.

Re:self gratification

[slim]

You make it sound so easy, like "Just go out on a date!". Perhaps it is easy for you, but what if a guy is just told to "F#@k off!" by any girl he approaches. (OK, the polite ones just walk away without saying anything).

They all did that to me in my 20's.

Did you approach strangers, apropos of nothing, and ask them out? I don't think that works for most mere mortals. You really need to have communicated on some other pretext before broaching the idea of a date. Introduced by friends; met at some social/leisure activity; and yes, introduction services.

And even then, a first date should be positioned as nothing more than that -- some time spent together for fun, with no expectations of it leading to more. If it does, great, but if not, you've had fun. (Of course, you might hate each other's company; chalk those up to experience)

Not that I realised any of this in my early 20s either.

Re:self gratification

[Dhalka226]

Well you're right, but I think there's a bit of a cause-and-effect issue with what you're saying.

This sort of service--which I PERSONALLY think is silly, by the way--does not cause people to become lonely and isolated, incapable of participating in a valid relationship. People are likely to turn to this service because they are already that way, and are trying to satisfy their human needs for socializing that they aren't able to satisfy normally.

Now obviously, most people will agree but say to that "all the more reason to get out and try for real," but I think that tends to just be strong evidence that most people have no real appreciate for the severity of mental issues. They obviously want relationships or they wouldn't seek a service like this out, but equally true is that there is something going on that has prevented them from acheiving them.

Truly helping these lonely, isolated people involves first figuring out what is making them lonely and isolated. You'll get a lot of commonalities arising, I'd think, but also no rules. It's something that can definitely be different for everybody. "Just go out and try forming these relationships" is kind of like telling a depressed person "just be happy" and thinking you've given them great advice. It's not that easy; there's more going on than that. They definitely need to do that -- but if they were capable of doing it they would be. Step one is working on whatever is blocking them from feeling or being capable. If services like this help them out while they work on that, then so be it -- I'm not going to judge them for it, particularly with how prevalent feelings of isolation and loneliness is in suicides.

To The Cloud!

[NoSleepDemon]

I can almost picture the Win7 advert... It's that loser from the old ad still sitting outside of his dorm room while his room-mate is banging a random girl. He's sitting there, all done watching whatever hentai he downloaded, and then... Eureka! "To The Cloud!" He shouts, as he loads up Habbo Hotel.

....why?

[digitalsolo]

Having actually met a couple girls online (though both led to relationships in real life, one 6 year girlfriend, and one being my wife who I have been with for 8 years), I can't comprehend WHY this would seem enjoyable for anyone. Looks like all of the downsides of a "relationship" without ANY benefits. Finding people on the internet is a viable (though equally precarious) alternative to a bar or being setup with friends (depending on your friends) but finding pretend people on the internet... the mind boggles.

Re:....why?

[dwye]

> I can't comprehend WHY this would seem enjoyable for anyone.

The only reason that I can see is that you can make all the pathetically stupid, awful mistakes that the more socially inclined made in Junior High or even grade school, and get them out of your system. Do too bad at dealing with girl#1, and just redo one's profile and try again, assuming that one cannot reset the memory of CloudGirl and start HER from scratch. That way, one can get to the point where one can at least text/chat/IM/etc. socially, well enough to consider an online relationship. And THAT seems a stretch.

Re:....why?

[Surt]

Is that true?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_estate_(Second_Life)

Makes no mention of prices exceeding a few thousands of dollars.

Re:Eliza ?

[dmmiller2k]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women.

Perhaps, but they may not be real women.

Your FB friends will not know the difference

[wcrowe]

"Your facebook friends will not know the difference". Right. So, this is for very stupid tech-savvy men.

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[Darinbob]

If only I had facebook friends. Wonder if my cloud girlfriend will like slashdot?

Re:Wait... I've seen this episode!

[Professr3]

and then weld the holodeck doors shut.

Re:Eliza ?

[need4mospd]

And the horses are men too.

Long story...

Re:Do not want

[Grishnakh]

Marriage, for many, is the aftermath of a real relationship. It's kind of like "limbo".

Re:Eliza ?

[Surt]

I think the key to the service would be anonymity. That your real friends wouldn't know your girlfriend was fake. That potential real girlfriends, who inevitably rate a taken man higher than a single one, may be duped into believing you are in a real relationship.

Re:Eliza ?

[camperdave]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women. Presumably because they've not got a chat-bot that's convincing enough.

No, it's because even a chat-bot has too much self respect to date a geek.

Re:Do not want

[El Torico]

Of all the porn acts I've seen, a woman fellating a strap-on being worn by another woman is one that makes the least sense. Who's that arousing?

The guys watching.

Perfect Girlfriend...

[CFBMoo1]

My perfect girl friend has/is...

* Lots of curves.
* Smart and able to help me when I make mistakes.
* Always there when I want to do something.
* Always there when I don't want to do something.
* A pretty smile.
* Good at helping me with problems.

*** PROCESSING ***
> Please log in to Facebook now to meet your new girlfriend!

*Opens Browser and logs in*

*Whirrrrrlllll TINK TINK TINK*

From Clippy'etta: Hello handsome! It looks like you are trying to find a girlfriend today!

From Me: NooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO!

Re:Do not want

[Dunbal]

No, it counts as a mental illness.

Re:there is a name for this already

[Darinbob]

Unless you're filming it.

Could be real..

[formfeed]

You can always turn a virtual girlfriend into a real one. But it involves lots of electricity ans wearing a bra on your head.