Can't Get a Real Girlfriend? Get a "Cloud" Girlfriend

An anonymous reader writes "In news that could make many lonely tech savvy men have more of a spring in their steps is the launch of 'Cloud Girlfriend' which is a start up tech company based in California whose service is to match a user to his perfect match. The sad part is the relationship will only be internet based. Reported by Sara Yin of PC Mag, 'Cloud Girlfriend' will be free as David Fuhriman co-founder is quoted with saying 'We allow people to define their ideal self, find their perfect girlfriend or boyfriend and connect and interact as if that person existed. We will fulfill the 4 steps on the landing page, but not create any fake accounts.'"

Comments

Mockery

[Sonny Yatsen]

Well, as atrociously bad as I am at dating, it's always nice to know that there will always be somebody sadder and more pathetic than you.

Re:Mockery

[andrea.sartori]

Yes, I think this is the saddest thing ever. I don't even dare RTFA. TFS is already more than I can stand.

Re:Mockery

[Kozz]

Well, as atrociously bad as I am at dating, it's always nice to know that there will always be somebody sadder and more pathetic than you.

Much like IHOP's Razor: when you go to IHOP, no matter how much of an overweight slob you are, you will see someone there who's even fatter than you.

Re:Mockery

[msobkow]

If all you want is someone to chat with, there's no shortage of websites where you can hook up with people for that purpose.

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

Re:Mockery

[Lumpy]

How can you be that bad... do you upon the first date ask her to pop pimples on your back? "Great sushi! can you lance this boil for me?"

and honestly, if you are that type of person, there are fetish circles that do have women that get off on that kind of thing. Sounds like you are searching for a mate in the wrong places.

Re:Mockery

[ColdWetDog]

Yes, I think this is the saddest thing ever. I don't even dare RTFA. TFS is already more than I can stand.

Well, then don't read this one. Not goatse or anything similar but creepy in that unique Japanese way of introducing tentacles into everything.

Re:Mockery

[Anonymous Coward]

It's just so goddamn nice to find easy girls there seems a little more in line with your concluding statement.

Re:Mockery

[maxwell demon]

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

What about chatting with your girlfriend and pretending it's a bot? :-)

Re:Mockery

[oldmac31310]

TMI. Ew.

Re:Mockery

[random coward]

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

What about chatting with your girlfriend and pretending it's a bot? :-)

Well played...

Re:Mockery

[davester666]

My iPad is my girlfriend, and believe me, she likes it when I push her button!

Re:Mockery

[misexistentialist]

Western women are just as concerned with you being a provider, and divorce isn't unlikely if you start earning less. Being a doctor in the West makes ladies swoon; because of economic differences an average Western salary has the same effect in some foreign lands.

Re:Mockery

[dcherryholmes]

Or, instead of "gold diggers," they might be women who view security and stability in a man about the same way we view a huge rack or willingness to play WoW with us. You know, like pretty much every girl on the planet. Of course gold diggers, users, what have you are out there, but I don't think you can ascribe this entire phenomenon to just that. Rather, it's probably that any westerner of even modest means is, relatively, fantastically rich compared to the locals.

Re:Mockery

[slim]

Pretty common. It's not an erotic thing; but it's a bit of intimacy isn't it?

Re:Mockery

[El Torico]

Chatting with a bot and pretending it's your girlfriend has got to be the saddest case of self-delusion I've ever heard of.

What about chatting with your girlfriend and pretending it's a bot? :-)

That would have kept me interested in some of the women I've dated. A shallow, self absorbed bitch is a lot more interesting when you think of her as a Turing test.

Re:Mockery

[Grishnakh]

I never said there weren't plenty of gold-diggers in the West; there certainly are. However, do you disagree that it's stupid to knowingly hook up with one? If you just want sex, prostitutes are much cheaper, and just as safe. They won't sue you for half of your savings when they leave, and gold-diggers aren't less likely to have STDs, since they're frequent cheaters (after all, they only care about the money, not you, so they'll look for their sexual thrills elsewhere, like with the pool guy).

Re:Mockery

[Dr. Spork]

ew!

Re:Mockery

[Sonny Yatsen]

Gee, too bad I'm not a western guy.

Re:Mockery

[Dunbal]

Raw fish? On a first date? No wonder...

Re:Mockery

[meowris]

My friend found a girlfriend in Thailand; they both have balls.

Re:Mockery

[Sectoid_Dev]

I know four different guys who went with the Thai wife route and each one of them did so because they wanted a perfectly obedient petite girl who they could lord over and always get sex from. Of course these guys are no catches themselves, but yet demand total hotness in their partner. By not trying to pursue any women less than a total hottie, these mediocre and inexperienced guys always fail and become bitter. Until they discover they can buy the perfect woman.
As sad as my dating history was, I can hold up my head and say I didn't completely FAIL and give up on having a real relationship.

Two other guys I know who got Russian wives are hen pecked by them, which I think is quite funny.

Re:Mockery

[TheCarp]

I never really considered how common this might be but, my wife and I do the same thing. Actually, it all started when we picked up a "comedo extractor" at the store. Makes it much easier to pop zits without damaging the skin too badly, and its kind of fun to use. She gets the raw end of the deal though, because my skin is much clearer than hers, and I get many less of them.

Re:Mockery

[linuxwolf69]

RTFA. They have real men that will talk to you through your imaginary girlfriend's profile. FAIL.

FTFY

Re:Mockery

[Paracelcus]

Just Google "Russian Brides" to see how pathetic, lonely American men are being used as piggy banks by eastern European grifters.

1. Look at the picture (wow!)
2. Check the name (there seem to be only 5 or 6)
3. Age, Education, Profession (She's 18, a university grad, and a doctor)
4. None of them smoke, drink or have criminal backgrounds

And they all live in a hotel in Bucharest with a drug addict named Igor!

Re:Mockery

[Sectoid_Dev]

All women are concerned with how well you will provide for them, as well as protect them. It's a fundamental part of human nature, and it's ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

I would contend there is something more subtle at work with the male/female relationship when it comes to money. Yes, most of the time it manifests as women being impressed and relieved that the man they have chosen is a good provider and they can enjoy some of the nicer things in life and birth their children into a world of more opportunities, stability and less hardship. But that paints with a very wide brush and there are some women who do enjoy competing out in the world and making the cash for themselves and don't look down at their man who makes less, IF and ONLY IF, he brings something else that she values into the relationship. He might be the source of stability in her chaotic world. Perhaps he is very family oriented with a large loving family of his own while she had been raised with family dysfunction and rage. The point being is that there is always a reason that a woman CHOOSES a man. It may not be a good reason, but it doesn't always have to be about the money.

Re:Mockery

[Sectoid_Dev]

Save the pimple popping for after dinner on the third date -- Emily Post

Re:Mockery

[Darinbob]

I used to think that too.

Re:Mockery

[Kielistic]

I say this as purely hypothetical because I really know very little of Thai culture but if it marginalizes women they may also find the western culture towards women more attractive. We definitely treat our women more as equals than many other places. If anyone could shed some light on the state of women's rights in Thailand I would be curious to know.

Re:Mockery

[Americano]

Oh, you think you're pushing the button, for sure. But really, she's just faking.

Re:Mockery

[Mongoose Disciple]

Or, instead of "gold diggers," they might be women who view security and stability in a man about the same way we view a huge rack or willingness to play WoW with us.

Today I learned that I'm the man equivalent of a gold digger.

Re:Mockery

[reboot246]

You can marry more money in a few minutes than you can make in a lifetime. Just be careful of the downside, cause there's always a downside somewhere.

Re:Mockery

[geezer nerd]

Nope, TFA clearly says they employ real women to interact with the client based on the profile of the "girlfriend".

Re:Mockery

[penguinchris]

Women are pretty well respected in the terms you're referring to in Thailand. And if anything, the typical western guys who go to Thailand looking for a girlfriend are not the enlightened, ideal western man who respects women, and are much worse than typical Thais in their attitudes toward women! Many westerners who go to Thailand for the girls are if not abusive, at least disrespectful both to women in general and Thai culture.

I have spent nearly a year in total in Thailand for various reasons (initially went as a grad student researching the geology there). I met my girlfriend (and future wife) there. She's Thai and is not from the middle or upper classes - actually she came from a hill tribe, one of the poorest demographics, but she's quite sharp and is doing OK for herself with various retail-type jobs after moving to the city (Chiang Mai, not Bangkok). I've interacted a lot with the type of women being referred to in this slashdot thread, though, because my girlfriend knows them - they're relatively poor and are interested in western guys mainly for money.

My girlfriend, her sister, and her closest friends are not like that. There are plenty of girls who aren't, in other words. It would be a lie to say they're not attracted by the idea of financial security - they typically make maybe $150 US a month and there's not much room for advancement without expensive education. However, the real issue is that the "good" Thai men are taken by the middle and upper class Thai women. If you're a poor Thai girl, you're left with choosing between largely low-life Thais, or western guys. The low-life western guys end up with prostitutes, but if you're a decent western guy you can easily end up with a perfectly nice Thai girl. Also, many Thai girls prefer western guys for their looks - being large (even just from being a little overweight - not too much though) is attractive to many Thai girls (like in olden times in the west, this may have something to do with being large making you appear to be well-off - regardless of the fact that in the west nowadays it's often the poorest people who are the largest! but I mean large in terms of tall and muscular, too, which most Thai men aren't).

Now, I'm a geek, and intelligent. I'm reasonably attractive (not ugly anyway) and just slightly overweight. I have literally never been without a girlfriend since I was 15 - I'm 24 now - and did not go to Thailand for the express purpose of having sex with Thai girls, and never expected to meet anyone. That, unfortunately, is not the attitude of most western men who go there, to put it mildly, so lots of nice Thai girls end up with assholes. Then the girls, once they realize they're with assholes, often turn into gold diggers as they become more and more cynical. In my case I found my girlfriend rather serendipitously (I was not looking for a girlfriend and she was not looking for a boyfriend, but we "clicked" almost immediately) and we are both very happy, and very sincere, in our relationship - regardless of how much money I can give her or her family (none, actually, as I can't find a job).

Thai culture results in women who are respectful, endlessly kind, and ferociously loyal - the opposite of the stereotype western men are familiar with, because the Thai girls western men are familiar with are mostly prostitutes who have strayed far from Thai cultural norms. Thai men are similar on the surface, but it's extremely common for them to have disrespectful attitudes toward women, despite what I said earlier (most men are the low-lifes I mentioned - there are plenty who aren't, but it's common) - it's considered normal to have multiple mistresses even when married, for example. Indeed, Thai men are the main clientele for most prostitutes, not foreigners! So there may be some truth to what you're saying after all. It's a complex society and culture, I'll leave it at that :)

Re:Mockery

[syousef]

Well, as atrociously bad as I am at dating, it's always nice to know that there will always be somebody sadder and more pathetic than you.

Jerry Springer, is that you?

Re:Mockery

[sakdoctor]

She's a gold digger. You're a a gold farmer.

Re:Mockery

[treeves]

"Check the name (there seem to be only 5 or 6)"

You mean like "Irina Olga Katya Larissa Zelenskaya" or "Anya Susana Katarina Livia Elena Bondarenko"?

Re:Mockery

[Mongoose Disciple]

No no no I'm the man version of a gold digger, which as per the above means I'm into women with huge racks who like to play video games with me.

Money, what's that good for!? :P

Re:Mockery

[Paracelcus]

They never use last names, only first, city, country!

Re:Mockery

[Grygus]

Gee, too bad I'm not a western guy.

Of course you are... keep moving to the east, and you will see.

Re:Mockery

[mock_dalek]

Bucharest is in Romania, not Russia, you moron. And it's not as if those "pathetic, lonely American men" don't know what they're getting into.

Re:Mockery

[Paracelcus]

Hey genius, I said "eastern European grifters" last I looked Romania was in eastern Europe!

You no readee Englee? Waka, Wake, didly fump!

Hmm...

[Lunaritian]

I wonder if I can confuse it by saying that my perfect girlfriend would be real and not just bits on a server far away.

Re:Hmm...

[Conspiracy_Of_Doves]

But this is the cloud. It's bits on thousands of servers, both near and far.

Re:Hmm...

[mysidia]

I wonder if I can confuse it by saying that my perfect girlfriend would be real and not just bits on a server far away.

Careful.. it's only a matter of time before the technology exists to make those bits into a real form, and the request is kind of like saying "Computer, in the Holmesian style, create a mystery to confound Data with an opponent who has the ability to defeat him."

" Computer: 'Define parameters of the program.'"

"The parameters will be whatever is necessary in order to accomplish the directive. . Create a sherlock holmes adversary capable of defeating Data"

Re:Hmm...

[elrous0]

I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that the only people who will get fucked thanks to this "service" are the morons stupid enough to invest in it.

Eliza ?

[tekrat]

Right. My prediction is that this will have to be a chat-bot, since real women are extremely unlikely to be on this system. It's like those lava-life phone chat systems. No one is on them except for other guys looking around for the ladies and not finding any.

Re:Eliza ?

[0100010001010011]

The internet. Where Men are Men.
And the Women are Too.

Re:Eliza ?

[slim]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women. Presumably because they've not got a chat-bot that's convincing enough.

So it's:
1. Dork tells you properties of the pretend woman he wants
2. Facebook profile created for pretend woman (somehow avoiding violating Facebook TOS)
3. Pretend woman becomes a Facebook "friend" of dork
4. Employee, in persona of pretend woman, posts some girlfriend-ish stuff on dork's Facebook wall etc.
5. ????
6. Profit

(Where ???? presumably entails some targeted advertising etc.)

Re:Eliza ?

[Lumpy]

REal women have no problem talking dirty to fat gross men on the phone... If they are paid, they will be happy to do the far less "ooky" girlfriend you will never see meet or touch thing.

Re:Eliza ?

[asdf7890]

Nah, it'll be like some club nights and those dating lines you see advertised between programs on late-night TV: ABSOLUTELY FREE* (* free for women, some £ per minute for others) only in this case the desired people (those pretending to be the cloud friend in this case, real life women in my examples) will be paid a little and the money is planned to be made back (with profit) from the others, perhaps through targeted advertising.

It sounds particularly hateful to me, however it is planned to work. If you are ever tempted by a service like this just download one of those odd romance games that seem popular with certain age groups in Japan. Or start reading a good book - a much better way to use excess free time.

And probably quite impractical to turn a profit on too, if I'm guessing the service's business plan right.

Re:Eliza ?

[dmmiller2k]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women.

Perhaps, but they may not be real women.

Re:Eliza ?

[slim]

:)

I did type "real women", then backspaced and replaced it with "people".

Re:Eliza ?

[The Grim Reefer2]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women. Presumably because they've not got a chat-bot that's convincing enough.

So it's:
1. Dork tells you properties of the pretend woman he wants
2. Facebook profile created for pretend woman (somehow avoiding violating Facebook TOS)
3. Pretend woman becomes a Facebook "friend" of dork
4. Employee, in persona of pretend woman, posts some girlfriend-ish stuff on dork's Facebook wall etc.

(Where ???? presumably entails some targeted advertising etc.)

The good news is that if you break up with "her", "she" won't steal any of your meat space possessions.

The bad new is that "she" can make you look like a totally pathetic ass online.

Re:Eliza ?

[CharlyFoxtrot]

Hiring women is generally cheaper, so they might actually be women. This could be a nice part-time work from home gig for some hausfrau.

Re:Eliza ?

[need4mospd]

And the horses are men too.

Long story...

Re:Eliza ?

[Surt]

I think the key to the service would be anonymity. That your real friends wouldn't know your girlfriend was fake. That potential real girlfriends, who inevitably rate a taken man higher than a single one, may be duped into believing you are in a real relationship.

Re:Eliza ?

[camperdave]

Based on TFA, they'll be employing real people to put words in the mouths of virtual women. Presumably because they've not got a chat-bot that's convincing enough.

No, it's because even a chat-bot has too much self respect to date a geek.

Re:Eliza ?

[jd]

They say they won't create any fake accounts. So presumably they've already created them. In which case, you can skip step 2.

Re:Eliza ?

[Dunbal]

Well the accounts will be real. It's the persona behind them that will be fake.

Re:Eliza ?

[geezer nerd]

TFA says "a real woman will communicate with you"

Suicide is painless.

[the_raptor]

I give it a year until someone commits suicide because his "cloud" girlfriend broke up with him.

Re:Suicide is painless.

[Anonymous Coward]

Or for those of us with a more pro-active attitude against evil corporations: lets try to make one of the cloud girlfriend employees kill themselves before a user does.

Re:Suicide is painless.

[Dr. Spork]

I was thinking that there will be the geek whose cloud girlfriend will totally cockblock him when a real girl loses interest in him because he appears taken. Or worse, he does start dating a great girl he likes, and then gets the dreaded "OK, who the fuck is Ashley Moore and why is she blowing you kisses on your fucking wall?"

Needs one more feature

[hellfire]

All they need now is a blow job attachment via USB to your computer, and they will end up making beeeellllioooons!

Re: Needs one more feature

[snowraver1]

Not realistic enough... When asked for a BJ, the response should be "I'm tired", "I have a headache" or "Right now? I'm watching ."

Re: Needs one more feature

[JonySuede]

you have the wrong firmware installed, I suggest you upgraded it to submissive woman 36.D. Then you will have response like "only a BJ, you are a kind master" or
"you are so generous master, I will do the laundry after I swallow".

Re: Needs one more feature

[CharlyFoxtrot]

I bet she won't let him install his firmware either.

Re: Needs one more feature

[blair1q]

I thought of that a decade ago, but refuse to put my real name on the patent application.

Re: Needs one more feature

[Rob the Bold]

you have the wrong firmware installed, I suggest you upgraded it to submissive woman 36.D. Then you will have response like "only a BJ, you are a kind master" or "you are so generous master, I will do the laundry after I swallow".

Not the wrong firmware, just insufficient user privileges.

Re: Needs one more feature

[BillX]

If you can name it, Slashdong probably has it. It's like Rule 34 for your USB ports, and usually open-source at that :-)

Re: Needs one more feature

[bhiestand]

you have the wrong firmware installed, I suggest you upgraded it to submissive woman 36.D. Then you will have response like "only a BJ, you are a kind master" or
"you are so generous master, I will do the laundry after I swallow".

Not the wrong firmware, just insufficient user privileges.

That's your own fault. If you can't root it right yourself, perhaps you should hire an expert to do it for you?

Orgy

[mholve]

"Can you imagine a Beowulf cluster of these?"

Re:Orgy

[Ackmo]

Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!

Lars, get a real girl!

[Anonymous Coward]

BTW, a really good movie. Bianca's just a little shy.

Do not want

[Locke2005]

Any "relationship" that doesn't include at least the possibility of getting a blowjob is no relationship at all. And the fact that they think there is any market for this service is really, really sad.

Re:Do not want

[BarryJacobsen]

Any "relationship" that doesn't include at least the possibility of getting a blowjob is no relationship at all.

I think you'd have some lesbians that would argue that's not true...

Re:Do not want

[corbettw]

You do realize that "blowjob" can be a generic term for any kind of oral sex, right?

Re:Do not want

[Nidi62]

Any "relationship" that doesn't include at least the possibility of getting a blowjob is no relationship at all.

So, marriage doesn't count as a real relationship?

Re:Do not want

[BarryJacobsen]

You do realize that "blowjob" can be a generic term for any kind of oral sex, right?

I've never once heard anyone use the term for anything other than a male receiving oral sex. The dictionary definition says it's an act of "fellatio" which is defined as oral stimulation of the penis.

Re:Do not want

[clang_jangle]

You're either extremely frustrated or spoiled rotten.

Re:Do not want

[SeakingFUKyea]

oral stimulation of the penis....

Re:Do not want

[Skuld-Chan]

Why not? I know plenty of people who have been married, had kids but never been in any kind of serious relationship. I think if you cannot even talk about that kind sexual experimentation you probably aren't in a relationship.

Re:Do not want

[Conspiracy_Of_Doves]

What's really, really, really sad is that there probably is a marked for this.

Although it's probably entirely out of Japan.

Re:Do not want

[Grishnakh]

Marriage, for many, is the aftermath of a real relationship. It's kind of like "limbo".

Re:Do not want

[El Torico]

Of all the porn acts I've seen, a woman fellating a strap-on being worn by another woman is one that makes the least sense. Who's that arousing?

The guys watching.

Re:Do not want

[Aighearach]

To people under about 40 on the west coast of the United States I assure you that even "penis" can refer also to the clitoris. Some regions it is probably more of an under 30 thing.

Never rely solely on a dictionary for slang usage of terms. Nor should any sexual language be assumed or expected to be free of slang or new language.

If you didn't know this, I'll warn you... it's gets worse. Chicks can be "dudes" now, too.

Re:Do not want

[Dunbal]

No, it counts as a mental illness.

Re:Do not want

[Darinbob]

Why even bother learning a language?

Re:Do not want

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently not... Most marriages end in less and less sex, typically, because of varying issues. And Blowjobs are typically right out.

Impressed

[Osgeld]

Sounds like a solid plan for a invaluable service [/sarcasm]

419er Opportunity surely

[jaymz2k4]

the app has no intention of using fake Facebook profiles. Instead, a real woman will communicate with you through your cloud girlfriend's profile

Even if users know that the cloud profile is a fake I'm willing to bet that if there's real women behind the profiles (and people will know this given that's what the CEO has just said) someone is gonna end up getting taken in and their bank account drained. Which is kinda sad. In fact the very notion of this "service" making anyone happy astounds me.

How to monetize this?

[Locke2005]

What exactly is the business model for this? Are they compiling address lists of sad, pathetic losers? People that might actually reply to a "Herbal V14GR4" spam? Or is this the DoJ fishing for people who describe their perfect girlfriend as "16, but with the body of a 12 year old"?

Re:How to monetize this?

[Sonny Yatsen]

It's really easy to monetize this. Just make microtransactions available where you can buy gifts or whatever for your virtual girlfriend. People already spend stupid amounts of money to buy crap like a virtual fountain for their virtual house on their virtual farm. Imagine if they also had some sort of virtual emotional attachment to go along with it.

Re:How to monetize this?

[jd]

Wasn't there an e-mail list company that got hacked recently? If their database flagged sad, pathetic losers then there's your answer.

Re:How to monetize this?

[Aighearach]

Hopefully they can manage both roles!

No reason to dump the ads into spam, you've already got their willing eyeballs. They could even be tasteful text "Herbal V14GR4" ads.

Re:How to monetize this?

[Saxophonist]

Well, Robert Half was on the list of companies using Epsilon. Some IT consultants might be an adequate target audience...

Re:Breakups?

[TaoPhoenix]

As early as 1990 people were role playing virtual marriages on AOL in the Red Dragon Inn.

Re:Goodby Body prejudice

[Kreigaffe]

No it won't, because there is no relationship at any point to be found here. It's all fake. It TELLS YOU it's fake. This is just sad, and has no redeeming points or up sides. Just sad.

Sounds great

[ddd0004]

Sounds like you are signing up for all the maintenance headaches of a relationship without any benefit. Just stick with World of Warcraft.

Re:Sounds great

[slim]

I fondly imagine there won't be maintenance headaches (unless it turns out to be something along the lines of Japanese girlfriend-simulator games where the simulated girl's fondness for you depends on what presents you buy her).

The way I read TFA, "she" will pitch in on Facebook etc. as if she was a real girlfriend. "Hey hun, you look hot in this pic" etc.

Monetizing it -- targeted ads, maybe as another poster suggests, virtual gifts -- resulting in more flattering posts on your Facebook wall "Hey gorgeous, thanks for the flowers, I love them".

It'll take some clever balancing to set the right tone. I think it would be best if it was clearly not real -- just a bit of fun. After all, you don't want your real friends to think you're a freak who's been pretending to have a real girlfriend all along. Also, most single people presumably don't want to deter real girls from showing an interest, believing your fake girlfriend to be real.

"Your G/F is named Minuet?!"

[starglider29a]

"So is MINE! The two-timing $|^+!"

Where does it lead?

[ddd0004]

After a few years you get a virtual wife, the maintenance fees start to get higher and higher. Then you are forced to terminate the contract and find that there's an early termination fee that's equal to half your current possessions.

Call me old fashioned

[Anonymous Coward]

I would just stick with porn.

Re:Call me old fashioned

[slim]

It's not addressing the same perceived need as porn.

Friends, wives, girlfriends, mistresses, strippers, prostitutes, porn -- some people avail themselves of all, some, or none of them, in every possible combination, because none of them are 1:1 replacements for another.

(This post does not imply approval or disapproval of any of the above)

Imagine a Beowolf cluster of cloud girlfriends

[baka_toroi]

Living the polygamy dream.

WTF?!

[Krneki]

If I don't want to sex with a girl I call her "friend" not "cloud girl".

self gratification

[fermion]

In one of the books I read as a young person, self gratification was depreciated as a viable form of expression because if overused it could prevent the development of reasonable normal form of social interaction. It is important for most people to go and learn to play, communicate, get rejected, make compromises, and actually have real friends and lovers, at least for portions of their lives.

So my issue with this is it is another step in the isolationism that really is not healthy. While some might say this is good as one can go to parties and text and receive texts from your long distance relationship, so not to be embarrassed. Some people might find you more attractive because you are in a relationship, but at some point the truth will emerge. That users of this service are losers who can't participate in a valid relationship. And dating is not expensive. Hiring prostitutes is expensive. Looking for people who meet pre existiing expectations is expensive. But dating is just going out and having fun. Not Expensvie.

Re:self gratification

[Anonymous Coward]

>That users of this service are losers who can't participate in a valid relationship

Make ad hominem attack, backed by zero data. Get modded up.

Never change, Slashdot.

Re:self gratification

[misexistentialist]

Some people might find you more attractive because you are in a relationship, but at some point the truth will emerge.

Maybe after you've had sex with the girl a few steps out of your league.

But dating is just going out and having fun. Not Expensvie.

If you are male you are still expected to pay.

Re:self gratification

[slim]

If you are male you are still expected to pay.

Maybe so where you live / with the girls you date.

Here in the UK, in my recent experience -- we're talking mostly middle-class women in their early-mid 30s -- they all expected to split the cost.

Insofar as there's a protocol, it seems to be:
  - man offers to pay, woman protests that it should be split, man graciously accepts
  - or, man pays in first instance, woman says she'll pay for the next drink / dessert / whatever, man graciously accepts

Re:self gratification

[Vegemeister]

Stay classy Slashdot.

Re:self gratification

[slim]

You make it sound so easy, like "Just go out on a date!". Perhaps it is easy for you, but what if a guy is just told to "F#@k off!" by any girl he approaches. (OK, the polite ones just walk away without saying anything).

They all did that to me in my 20's.

Did you approach strangers, apropos of nothing, and ask them out? I don't think that works for most mere mortals. You really need to have communicated on some other pretext before broaching the idea of a date. Introduced by friends; met at some social/leisure activity; and yes, introduction services.

And even then, a first date should be positioned as nothing more than that -- some time spent together for fun, with no expectations of it leading to more. If it does, great, but if not, you've had fun. (Of course, you might hate each other's company; chalk those up to experience)

Not that I realised any of this in my early 20s either.

Re:self gratification

[I'm not really here]

Yep, I'm coming up on 6 years of happy marriage to my sweetheart whom I met online. It's the new "bar scene".

Re:self gratification

[Surt]

You are clearly doing something wrong, but you haven't described enough of your situation to allow us to guess what it might be. Based on your 'weigh more than I do' though, your virtual-girlfriend money might be better spent on a lap-band.

Re:self gratification

[Dhalka226]

Well you're right, but I think there's a bit of a cause-and-effect issue with what you're saying.

This sort of service--which I PERSONALLY think is silly, by the way--does not cause people to become lonely and isolated, incapable of participating in a valid relationship. People are likely to turn to this service because they are already that way, and are trying to satisfy their human needs for socializing that they aren't able to satisfy normally.

Now obviously, most people will agree but say to that "all the more reason to get out and try for real," but I think that tends to just be strong evidence that most people have no real appreciate for the severity of mental issues. They obviously want relationships or they wouldn't seek a service like this out, but equally true is that there is something going on that has prevented them from acheiving them.

Truly helping these lonely, isolated people involves first figuring out what is making them lonely and isolated. You'll get a lot of commonalities arising, I'd think, but also no rules. It's something that can definitely be different for everybody. "Just go out and try forming these relationships" is kind of like telling a depressed person "just be happy" and thinking you've given them great advice. It's not that easy; there's more going on than that. They definitely need to do that -- but if they were capable of doing it they would be. Step one is working on whatever is blocking them from feeling or being capable. If services like this help them out while they work on that, then so be it -- I'm not going to judge them for it, particularly with how prevalent feelings of isolation and loneliness is in suicides.

Re:self gratification

[screwzloos]

I know exactly what you mean. Being decent looking, well dressed, in shape, having an education, a new car, a good 8-5 job with benefits and my own place doesn't do me a bit of good if there isn't anyone that'll go on that first date.

Mine is probably a two-fold problem though - there aren't 1000 women around my age within a 300 mile radius that I'd consider above the level of 'dreg'.

Fairbanks, Alaska. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Re:self gratification

[Sectoid_Dev]

That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

Re:self gratification

[sdguero]

And dating is not expensive. Hiring prostitutes is expensive. Looking for people who meet pre existiing expectations is expensive. But dating is just going out and having fun. Not Expensvie.

I beg to differ. An average date in San Diego (where I live) costs around $50. If it take 3 dates to get laid (best case scenario!), that's $150; not too mention that you had to spend 3 awkward evenings getting to know someone that is probably offended by most of the shit running through your head. You can get a prostitute in TJ for $60. I'm not advocating whores (although I don't judge whore mongers), but I'm just saying that if we are talking about bang for your buck (literally), whores are cheaper. And yes, I've had this conversation with friends before and we all came to the same conclusion eventually.

Re:self gratification

[syousef]

In one of the books I read as a young person, self gratification was depreciated as a viable form of expression because if overused it could prevent the development of reasonable normal form of social interaction.

Funny no one gave me a book, I was just told I'd go blind ;-)

But who needs a book when you have Futurama - http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBUQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DBtqGTn7PCBw&rct=j&q=futurama%20don't%20date%20robots&ei=5GCmTb2-FIbnrAfG6KXkCQ&usg=AFQjCNHBXgfWk00y6IcQcfjgDcLclyhhRg&cad=rja

But dating is just going out and having fun. Not Expensvie.

Are you kidding me? Or do you just watch downloaded movies and take your dates to Maccas?

Even if you go dutch, a good date can be expensive. I would take my wife whale watching, to the zoo etc. when we first got together. No regrets at all.

Re:self gratification

[syousef]

I went back to college at age 38 after I had gotten divorced. At 42 I am still in college since the pool of available, good looking and non-desperate women is far larger than anywhere else I might go.

Plus you have a common interest/past time (college), you get to see them when they are not fucked up or drunk as hell, and for the best part, your competition is usually a bunch of young bucks who have as much skills in forming relationships of the short and fun type as a monkey does of quantum physics.

4 years, going on 5 and have not dated or had sex with a woman older than 26 since I started back to college. And since there are so many, you can have really high standards and still have plenty to pick from.

Rodney Dangerfield, is that you?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090685/

If you're staying in school JUST to sleep with young women, all you've discovered is how to be a dirty old man. It's not new. You're just using college as your personal playboy mansion.

If your relationship is going to move from casual/superficial to something more serious, finding someone your own age and level maturity has a lot of advantages over dating a bunch of mentally unstable experimental college girls who haven't worked out what they want from life. Meanwhile as you get older you'll find less and less 26 year olds willing to date/sleep with you.

Re:self gratification

[manwargi]

Socializing functions on a steep curve. The people who are already loved and surrounded by plenty of friends maintain sharp social skills and tend to continue on building up more and more love/friendship while the people who are lonely and isolated tend to be more prone to rejection or neglect which in turn makes their probably already poor social skills grow worse. While there are stories of people turning that around, a good number of people who wind up in the latter position wind up staying there and/or growing worse as their lives go on.

To The Cloud!

[NoSleepDemon]

I can almost picture the Win7 advert... It's that loser from the old ad still sitting outside of his dorm room while his room-mate is banging a random girl. He's sitting there, all done watching whatever hentai he downloaded, and then... Eureka! "To The Cloud!" He shouts, as he loads up Habbo Hotel.

Re:To The Cloud!

[GameboyRMH]

That ad is the saddest thing in the world. Just thinking of it makes me feel depressed.

Re:Goodby Body prejudice

[slim]

Redeeming point or upside: it's just a game.

Men have trouble finding women to chat with?

[BagOBones]

Looking back at my past experience I have never had trouble finding interesting women to chat with. It isn't a problem as far as I can see. However finding a physical partner to live life with and all the fun stuff that comes with that can be, well at least if you are shy.

....why?

[digitalsolo]

Having actually met a couple girls online (though both led to relationships in real life, one 6 year girlfriend, and one being my wife who I have been with for 8 years), I can't comprehend WHY this would seem enjoyable for anyone. Looks like all of the downsides of a "relationship" without ANY benefits. Finding people on the internet is a viable (though equally precarious) alternative to a bar or being setup with friends (depending on your friends) but finding pretend people on the internet... the mind boggles.

Re:....why?

[slim]

I can't comprehend WHY this would seem enjoyable for anyone.

Well, people seem to enjoy maintaining a virtual farm -- so why not a virtual girlfriend?

We don't really know what the service will entail -- to what extent it really purports to be a substitute for a real girlfriend; to what extent it disguises the fact that it's not a real person; to what extent it's presented as just a fun game.

There's a worst case scenario -- but I'd be surprised if that's what it is.

Re:....why?

[dwye]

> I can't comprehend WHY this would seem enjoyable for anyone.

The only reason that I can see is that you can make all the pathetically stupid, awful mistakes that the more socially inclined made in Junior High or even grade school, and get them out of your system. Do too bad at dealing with girl#1, and just redo one's profile and try again, assuming that one cannot reset the memory of CloudGirl and start HER from scratch. That way, one can get to the point where one can at least text/chat/IM/etc. socially, well enough to consider an online relationship. And THAT seems a stretch.

Re:....why?

[quacking duck]

> I can't comprehend WHY this would seem enjoyable for anyone.

The only reason that I can see is that you can make all the pathetically stupid, awful mistakes that the more socially inclined made in Junior High or even grade school, and get them out of your system. Do too bad at dealing with girl#1, and just redo one's profile and try again, assuming that one cannot reset the memory of CloudGirl and start HER from scratch. That way, one can get to the point where one can at least text/chat/IM/etc. socially, well enough to consider an online relationship. And THAT seems a stretch.

There's a massive difference between voice chat and text chat. One is real-time, the other is delayed, even if by seconds, giving the more socially awkward time to compose and organize thoughts.

I have no problem chatting or posting online, but do when chatting in person or even on the phone (with friends, never mind on a date). Phone, you have to listen for the nuances, pick up on the mood, adjust your own voice, keep engaged in a particular topic (not easy if you have some ADD), etc. In person, you have all that plus body language, whether to try advancing the mood by wrapping an arm around her, etc.

I know your point was getting them comfortable enough with a real online-only "romantic" relationship, but if you're socially awkward enough to use this cloud GF ten times before you're comfortable, you will flounder the first time you try it in the real world--or the confidence you feel comes across as too creepy.

Re:....why?

[jd]

People were selling desert islands on Second Life for millions at one point. A profitable virtual farm has to be worth more.

Re:....why?

[Surt]

Millions of what?

Re:....why?

[jd]

In the dot-com era, US dollars. These days, Zimbabwe dollars.

Re:....why?

[Surt]

Is that true?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_estate_(Second_Life)

Makes no mention of prices exceeding a few thousands of dollars.

Re:....why?

[Groovus]

The appeal of a relationship without fear of rejection and with guaranteed acceptance and understanding (no matter your personal peccadilloes) is very powerful, even if it is virtual. Attempting relationships with real people, regardless of medium, comes with the risk of emotional pain.

Re:Goodby Body prejudice

[Abstrackt]

I think that's highly unlikely. Some people are just too shy to be themselves around others but they're effectively a different person on the Internet, if and when you meet those people you're not exactly getting what's described on the tin. Hell, I've done live meetups with people from a few forums and some of the biggest assholes online were actually kind of fun in person.

Well that's just no use...

[Coisiche]

So it's back to waiting on suitable advances in robotics technology.

How is this new?

[JSBiff]

There've been online "chat" site forever, where you go chat with some girl or guy who says what you want to hear and pretends to be your fantasy lover, and you're never going to meet them in real life.

The only thing new here is that they'll setup a facebook page so you can eventually be humiliated when all your friends and relatives realize the 'girl' you've been 'seeing' online is completely fake and you made her up.

That'll really boost the old self-esteem.

Your FB friends will not know the difference

[wcrowe]

"Your facebook friends will not know the difference". Right. So, this is for very stupid tech-savvy men.

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[blair1q]

Yes, those who think they have to pay to crib a .jpg and make up a backstory...

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[slim]

TFA says it's free (although I expect micropayments come in).

TFA says "your facebook friends won't know the different" in the author's voice, not in a quote from the guy. I'm not sure it will pretend so thoroughly; you'd have to be a complete weirdo to want to deceive all your friends into thinking this virtual girlfriend was real. Surely this business wants to appeal to a wider market than just weirdos?

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[blair1q]

Insurance scammers. One day, the "girlfriend" dies of Epstein-Barr Syndrome, and the perp collects on a fat double-indemnity clause.

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[Darinbob]

If only I had facebook friends. Wonder if my cloud girlfriend will like slashdot?

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[Darinbob]

If you can snag to all the weirdos, who cares if you don't get the remaining 10% of the market?

Re:Your FB friends will not know the difference

[MasterGwaha]

i think a possibility of this service would be to show some ex gf/wife whoever that you've moved on... with some hot chick. especially if you don't live in the same state/city anymore, as a last fuck you of sorts. definitely not to fool your friends lol they should be in on the joke

Re:Wait... I've seen this episode!

[Professr3]

and then weld the holodeck doors shut.

Japan

[Uloi]

Sounds like a perfect fit for Japan.

there is a name for this already

[danlip]

So like cloud computing, a cloud girlfriend would let you access a shared pool of girlfriends for a fee. This model already exists, but is illegal in 49 states.

Re:there is a name for this already

[drinkypoo]

It's only illegal if you're paying. I thought we already had a short name for a "cloud girlfriend" (one accessed by multiple users on a time-sharing basis) which has been appropriated from a word formerly meaning "young working girl".

Re:there is a name for this already

[Darinbob]

Unless you're filming it.

Re:there is a name for this already

[Briareos]

Would that be "Escort as a Service"?

A Waifu by any other name is still pathetic

[kheldan]

I should have known that it wouldn't be long before someone found a way to monitize the Forever Alone crowd. Fat neckbeards all over the world may now rejoice and cheer from the depths of their stepmother's basements.
*facepalm*

cloud?

[islon]

I would prefer a tifa or aeris/aerith girlfriend...

Robot Polygamy Cloud!

[kiehlster]

What happens when all these clients realize that their girlfriends all reside on a few ESX servers or Beowulf clusters? If a human can suffer MPD, then so do these machines. I'd fear being brought to justice for partaking in an online polygamy circle, especially once they legalize human-robot relationships. The transition from the cloud to a physical robot will not be fast enough. And what's to say all those robots won't be operated by the same cloud system?

Did the title remind anyone of Final Fantasy 7?

[Hotawa Hawk-eye]

Perhaps I've played too much Final Fantasy, but when I first read that headline my first thought was of the "minigame" involving infiltrating Don Corneo's villa to rescue Tifa fairly early in the game.

Re:Slashdotters Rejoice

[Weezul]

I'm afraid he's got the wrong audience by half.

Men aren't generally interested in relationships that never offer sex, although perhaps his real women are secretly prostitutes, ala many women on dating sites.

Women otoh are definitely willing to simply show off their boyfriend like some possession to elevate their social status.

"I saw you clicking that troll's brains out"

[Thud457]

I've got news for you, Glissinda's not a real female.

Re:"I saw you clicking that troll's brains out"

[Sectoid_Dev]

I've got news for you, Glissinda's not a real female.

True, but many, if not most, players on WoW use mics for voice chat. WoW has the best male/female ratio of players I've ever seen.

Re:"I saw you clicking that troll's brains out"

[shermo]

Sure, but guys have sisters to speak on vent for them.

So i don't get it....

[umask077]

Its an Internet Dating Site. How is this newsworthy. There are already a oodles of sites out there that offer edating. Eharmony and Okcupid come to mind first but there are many many others. Heck, 1 in 5 divorces now are caused by Fackbook so it must be a dating site too.

Perfect Girlfriend...

[CFBMoo1]

My perfect girl friend has/is...

* Lots of curves.
* Smart and able to help me when I make mistakes.
* Always there when I want to do something.
* Always there when I don't want to do something.
* A pretty smile.
* Good at helping me with problems.

*** PROCESSING ***
> Please log in to Facebook now to meet your new girlfriend!

*Opens Browser and logs in*

*Whirrrrrlllll TINK TINK TINK*

From Clippy'etta: Hello handsome! It looks like you are trying to find a girlfriend today!

From Me: NooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO!

But what about XOR?

[isotope23]

The big unanswered question:

How Can I XOR my 1 with her 0 ?????

Analogies are great

[JorDan Clock]

Sounds like a prostitute to me; It's not really yours and you don't know who else you're sharing it with.

use as a learning tool?

[bluie-]

as crazy/sad/pathetic/whatever as this service sounds, it might be interesting if instead of matching someone with a fictional ideal, it was advanced enough to simulate various personality types and try to teach the social inept among us some much needed social skills.

Re:This will be great for linux users

[SeNtM]

Vista users too!!!

Idoru, here I come

[jsepeta]

can't wait. perfect girlfriend won't dump me.

Could be real..

[formfeed]

You can always turn a virtual girlfriend into a real one. But it involves lots of electricity ans wearing a bra on your head.

High tech sweater on a chair

[buybuydandavis]

I guess it beats taking your sister to the prom.

Now, what service can I use to to create her a boyfriend, and see how their relationship turns out?

Soo...

[BillX]

It's a Canadian Girlfriend(tm) that includes evidence in the form of Facebook posts to help convince your friends, exes and old highschool acquaintances that she's real? ;-)

I wonder if having a CloudGirl would hinder or help one's prospects of landing a real date. The premise reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George carries around a picture of a random stunningly Hot Chick in his wallet as the "(ex?)-girlfriend" in order to get in with women well out of his league. IME guys who wouldn't ordinarily be given the time of day are suddenly more desirable to women once they are taken! On the other hand, being taken (including "faken") might discourage shy geeky women from showing interest, leading to some missed opportunities (and maybe game-theory complexities).

An implementation issue: where is this company getting all these live women to fulfill online fantasies of sorts, without any visible source of funding? Seems unlikely that ad views and "virtual gift" crap would generate enough income to cover all that overhead. Is there an article just like this one circulating around popular womens' sites about a new startup offering a FREE experience/roleplaying opportunity to those consistently shunned by live suitors?

Social exploit

[Thomas Shaddack]

If you are alone and lonely for too long, finding a real date can be pretty difficult. However if you look like you are in demand, even if it is completely fake (as long as only you know it), your "social score" goes up. It is called social proof and it is one of the more unfair facets of social psychology.

The service can quite well serve as a way of providing such social proof, giving its users a more fair chance in other interpersonal interactions.

If it is well-executed, it could work. If not, it can backfire catastrophically, though...

"Cloud Girlfriends" are a great idea

[Millennium]

I mean, just look at how well it worked out for Ixion.

Oh, wait...