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Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes?
Okian Warrior writes "Since the rapture is tomorrow (May 21) at 6:00 pm local time (everywhere), I was just wondering: what plans does everyone have? I've got no specific plans for what to do. What will you be doing around 6:00 pm tomorrow?" If you're on the IT staff, you might want to consult this checklist of things to do or not do in the interim.
Masturbating.
Can I watch?
What makes this kook any more kooky than the kook who wrote that trash?
When you're afraid to download music illegally in your own home, then the terrorists have won!
This is by far and away the single most hilarious thing about this prediction. Time zones are established by man's laws, yet this heavenly event is supposed to follow them. So let me get this straight:
-- If I live on the border of the Eastern and Central time zones, and see my friends floating into the air, and I don't want to go yet (because I want to tweet to everybody about what I saw), I can run a few feet to the east, and God will grant me 60 more minutes on Earth?
-- Will God start the Rapture in Venezuela 30 minutes before the rest of South America?
-- What about the International Date Line? Will some islands have to wait a full day to be raptured?
-- And God respects Daylight Savings Time too?
That last one makes me think... Y'know, if God is bound to obey the local time set by the local laws of the local humans, what's to stop a government from passing a law turning the clocks ahead one hour precisely one minute after 5:59 PM? No rapture for you, comades!
------RM
Visiting and/or updating rapturefail.org, and hoping that Harold Camping's followers take to heart the open letter on that site:
No, just that some dude and his followers are whack-jobs.
Slow Down Cowboy! It's been 1 hour, 47 minutes since you last successfully posted a comment
An overwhelming majority of Christians think Jesus is alive in heaven and his mom never had sex. They shouldn't talk about nuts.
This "nobody knows the day and hour" stuff is about your own death. People make it be about armageddon and rapture because that's more abstract, less personal, and hence easier to face.
I'm as sure that tomorrow isn't the rapture as I am that the Moon won't sponteneously turn into cheese tomorrow, and that my house won't become a monster and eat the local children tomorrow, and that the sun won't go supernova tomorrow, and that 1+1 will still equal 2 tomorrow.
Yes I could be wrong on any of those, but if you are going to say I can't be "sure", then the word is meaningless since no one can be sure of anything.
As a non believer all I have to say is.....can I have your stuff? After all you won't be needing it, right? Oh and as a common courtesy please clear all nasty porn from your PCs, although feel free to leave the lesbian gangbangs and be sure to label the folder as "Tools and Utilities" so my GF won't find it. Thanks!
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
I remember this verse quite well from Christian school. And the following verses: And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. All these [are] the beginning of sorrows. These are often quoted as signs of the Apocalypse. The thing is these events have occurred on a regular basis since the dawn of time so they really aren't very good signs. I don't think Jesus and his apostles were that stupid so I can only conclude that this section really should have been written in Sarcastica. I kind of imagine it going like this: Apostle: When will you return. Jesus: None of your God Damn Business. That's when. Apostole: Come on tell us. Please!! Jesus: (rolls eyes and groans, then says in his best Dr. House mocking tone) Okay I'll give you the signs. There will be wars! Men will do anything for sex and money! People in power will screw over their subjects!! Apostole: OK Jesus, I was just asking. You don't need to be an ass about it.
The Rapture? I'd celebrate finally be rid of all of those self-righteous assholes. If only I could wake up one day and hear "all of the religious nut jobs disappeared today", I'd be a happy person.
"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." --Paul Atreides, Dune