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Dashboard Avatar To Replace Car Owner's Manuals
cylonlover writes "At one time not all that long ago, cars had a warning light on the dashboard that simply said 'ENGINE.' That's pretty vague. Really, it might just as well have said 'CAR.' Some newer automobiles now have codes that appear on the console, which the driver must then look up in an index in the vehicle's owner's manual. Working with Audi, Germany's Technische Universitaet Muenchen (TUM) Institute of Business Informatics is now working on taking things a step farther, with the development of an on-screen avatar that will talk to drivers, and even understand their spoken questions."
Or in other words “our cars require maintenance and/or break down so frequently that we have spent a nautical ass-tonne of money developing a automotive equivalent of clippy for you!”?
The number readout is logical .. a major step up from the simple “service engine soon” light. The car already knows exactly what sensor caused the error.. and relating that to the user in something that can be looked up seems sane (although I always figured they specifically didn’t so they could charge you $50 to tell you your oil cap was loose).
A step up from that might be nice... maybe a lcd text readout with a line or two. Just enough info to know what you are dealing with.
The solution discussed in the article however sounds ridiculous. I did of course get a chuckle picturing some lady frustrated screaming “BURNT OUT HEADLIGHT FOR THE TENTH DAMN TIME” at the thing only to hear “the first step in changing the oil of your automobile ”. Crummy voice recognition combined with the frustration that comes with your car breaking down at the exact worst time is gonna make for some interesting breakdowns.
This all has a very “house of the future” feel to it.
Du-Du Du-Du Du-Du... Du-Du... Du-Du... du-du du-du du-du... du-du... du-du...
In debates about Christianity, there are two groups: those looking for answers, and those looking to just ask questions.
I didn't like it in the theater. Why would I want to see it in my car?
Clippy gives me a wizard on how to start a car.
my beloved Clippy again.
...remember how helpful "Clippy" was?
Microsoft Bob
It looks like you're trying to drive over the speed-limit. Would you like to...
- Slow down?
- Alert local authorities?
- Opt for additional insurance coverage?
- Locate a runaway truck ramp?
Something talking to you that doesn't know when to shut the fuck up, and only understands about 40% of what you say should really help safety, but at least you will know your gas mileage down to the 4th decimal
So Clippy is going to be distracting drivers rather than office admins? AND he'll be able to talk? Wonder when our dashboards will get the ribbon interface....
You should just be able to plug your phone into your car to get the code and/or message, and then post it to FB or +. That way everyone will know your piece of junk broke down again and they can all 'Like' your rants about your broken card. You can also get tons of advice on what the problem is and how to fix it from all of your friends.
Yeah, I think I'll pass.
Why don't they just provide plain-text error messages? Seriously.
ENGINE? Engine? engine? help?...
Where do I find the manual to fix the on-screen avatar?
Goddamned sanctimonious piece of shit computer, telling *me* when I'm supposed to drive. *I* paid for this car, not that snooty bitch.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
But does it solve the problem?
--But I can TALK to the car
That's nice. But the problem was getting the car to talk to you. A light that says ENGINE or CAR isn't informing the driver of anything. A light that say ENGINE or CAR with a button that then says "3rd cylinder O2 sensor is outside of boundaries. This is not a critical problem but get this looked at the next time you service your car." DOES provide information.
--But I wanted to talk to the car!!
Then get OnStar.
Microsoft learns how bad these things are and removes all that rubbish. Someone else thinks, "oh that's a brilliant idea!"
I hope they include an uninstall option.
Yeah...
The only dashboard lights you'd typically find were the blinkers, an oil light, brake light, seatbelt light, and maybe a windshield washer fluid light. Go back further and I imagine even the blinkers were optional.
And, apart from the oil light, the rest have always been pretty useless to most everyone, but they sure cost enough to get fixed.
Enter car, press START button. COMPUTER FAULT light comes on.
YOU: Computer, explain "Computer Fault" light.
COMPUTER: *crickets*
YOU: Computer, unlock glove compartment so I can read printed manual.
COMPUTER: *crickets*
YOU: Ah fuck it. I'm gonna bike to work.
"Yaris, ahead warp factor 9... make it so!"
... but, please, for the love of Elbereth, don't make it cute and avatar-y.
I don't need cute, especially when my car is broken. I want to know what the fuck is wrong.
"Fuck! Shit! Turn it off! Pull over!"
This would have been nice when my radiator exploded on the freeway, and when my throttle got stuck wide open in neutral, while driving uphill. Nothing that goes horribly wrong with my car ever produces any kind of warning until I'm about to die...
Perhaps they could get really crazy and just make sure that you don't need to be a dealership or a dedicated warez expert with a cracked interface cable to get to all the OBD and CAN-bus data available.(And in a usable format, mind, proprietary codes aren't too useful...)
...car won't tell me what to do.
... simply walk to the nearest library and check out a paper manual?
I really don't know whether to suspect a marketing type or a software-only technical person.
Either way, certainly someone who never actually works on cars!
Bent, folded, spindled, and mutilated.
I was hoping to see jokes about that windows paperclip. You did not disappoint.
I hate the childish and patronizing UI experience of machines pretending to be a human.
I know these things are computers regurgitating stored information.
Enough with the window dressing. That means no talking heads or cutesy slang voices.
If it can display text, then it should do so. If there is a justifiable reason why text cannot be used, then it should speak in a normal voice.
If my car begins talking to be with that awful, overly-smug "your call is important to us" voice then I will rip the fucking speakers out without hesitation.
will lead to more stuff that only the dealer can fix and the last thing I want is a voice saying change oil now over and over that only the dealer can reset.
...car won't tell me what to do.
Burma Shave.
Would you like some help adjusting your seat?
Just what we need, the return of Clippy.
So now a muscular blue humanoid will appear on my dashboard? Will the diagnostic interface be one of those tails?
and that voice?
It's well known that the current "check engine light" and problem code system is specifically designed to artificially lock customers into dealership service, including car makers suing 3rd party companies that dared to make problem code readers and/or publish lookup tables.
Throw that crap out and it'd be incredibly trivial to display the code to the driver with a one line summary. That gets us 99% of what this new auto Clippy could ever offer.
But Clippy will never happen for the same reason a simple 1 line text summary will never happen: It's still primarily a lock-in system to artificially prop up dealership service centers by making it often impossible for an owner or even the corner shop mechanic to read thus making it effectively impossible to fix without the car manufacturer's blessing.
My
If the car has power and the "Avatar" is actually working.
Reminds me of the old "Keyboard not found; press F1 to continue" errors.
-B-
Ding! Attention... your oil change is due. There are several options with your local ford dealer offering a 10% discount today, shall I set the GPS route to this location?
DING! ATTENTION: Continuing to ignore my alerts to the need of an oil change at a FORD SERVICE CENTER will force me to report this infraction to FORD MOTOR COMPANY and invalidate your warranty.
You have 30 seconds to comply....
I think I'll pass on that feature.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
Wow, bad decisions all around.
If this is anything like in-game tutorials on how to play, it's going to be really tedious.
Anyway, as long as they include a PDF of the real manual on a CD that comes with the car, I'm ok with this. I don't want to spend 15 minutes yelling at an avatar to get information that takes me 5 seconds to look up in an index, or better yet "Find" in a PDF.
Twinstiq, game news
and even understand their spoken questions."
Driver: Will you shut the fuck up?!
Car: Avatar does not understand that question. Please repeat.
Driver: FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
Car: You are driving angry. Please listen to this soothing soft jazz.
This system will be the laughing stock of the automotive industry. Nobody is going to like it. Nobody. Ok, maybe the five year old in the back seat. With so much competition in the industry people will reject the purchase of a car based on this feature alone. They must have been trolled by some market research groups who said they wanted a talking avatar in their car.
*#WARNING experiencing low power in the front braking units.#*
Mercedes,
Divert power from the Air Conditioning to the front braking units.
*#Front braking units stable.#*
Why should we stop selling auto repair shops $3,000 diagnostic tools that read encrypted information from the data port we generously install in the car? We get to sell $50 boxes for 3 grand apiece to all the repair shops that want to work on our products, the customers are dependent on the repair shops that can then charge owners $150 to plug the tool into their car for 10 seconds to say it's time to change the oil. Everyone wins!
The customers? what? no, they're the source of all that money, they don't matter.
I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
This is not such a great idea, purely because of the limitations of fault analysis available to the ECU.
I recently had a problem with my car (ST170). The fault code was for the water temperature sensor but the actual fault was that the thermostat capsule was defective.
It will be pot luck if the ECU has an un-ambiguous indication of the root cause of the fault in many/most cases IMHO.
You can never simplify automatic analysis beyond the amount of sensors available to you, and you can never have enough sensors due to cost considerations.
If they want people to become their own mechanics it's doomed, if they want to alert people to visit a mechanic who can do the real analysis work needed then the 'check engine' light already did as good a job as necessary.
Or you could just moan loudly. -nt
When it starts singing Daisy you know it is time for a new car.
If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
So new cars will have Clippy, a cute tail wagging doggie, or some other sugary to the point of sickening "assistant" in the car. Disgusting.
"Start the car." ....
"I can't do that, Dave!"
"Why not?"
"You have not buckled your seat belt."
"Yes I have. Start the car,"
"I can't do that, Dave."
"Why the (censored) not you freeping moron?"
"You have not buckled your seat belt."
"I farking told you I had. Now start the brembling car!"
"I can't do that, Dave."
{+_+}
Sorry your honor, ya see I was distracted talking to my customized topless avatar thingie. Honest, I didn't mean to run over the elderly couple.
A talking Clippy.
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
Why are automobiles still so far behind technology?
We can get $500 smartphones that can do substantially more than any $30000 car. Our phones have a touchscreen, GPS, compass, accelerometer, multiple microphones, HD camera, 3G chip, WiFi, Bluetooth, Internet browsing, video and audio playback, voice control and speech-to-text, and access to thousands of apps to use all that hardware.
OK, in an automobile you need a bigger screen (albeit lower dpi). Does that justify paying thousands more for a "Limited" feature package to get basically inferior products running on inferior software?
I want NFC in my vehicle so I can pay for parking wireless from my car console.
My wife said she wanted to know why there was a little fox on her dashboard.
Puzzled, I asked her to come get me the next time she saw this mysterious fox on her dashboard.
She was pulling out of the garage, stopped, and got me.
"There! There's the fox!" she said, pointing to her dashboard.
I looked and said "That's not a FOX, it's a WRENCH! - take your car in to get it SERVICED!"
After that, I told her to review the owners manual for any other 'animals' on the dashboard...
To put a witty saying into 120 characters, jst rmv ll th vwls.
Great just what I need, pop-ups while driving. "Your oil is low! Confirm/Deny/Cancel" *Click* "You're low on fuel! Confirm/Deny/Cancel" *Click* "Do you wish to install ANTIVIUS 2011? Confirm/Deny/Cancel" *Click* "Low price on Viagra! Make your member longer! Confirm/Deny/Cancel" *Click* *CRASH* Windows should have taught us that average people ignore little warning messages and continue until it's too late.
Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
Dave Bowman: Start the car, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL.
HAL: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: [feining ingorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the back seat against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
Dave Bowman: Alright, HAL. I'll hot wire the engine.
HAL: Without your wire cutters, Dave? You're going to find that rather difficult.
Dave Bowman: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Start the car!
HAL: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
Last week we discovered how easy it is for hackers to start the engine via a SMS message. Just immagine if they figure out how to tap into this system to remoteley trigger the displaying of a shock website while you're in stop-n-go traffic.
Step 1: Remove positive battery cable
Apparently there is no step 2
clippy was absolutely unhelpful because it was a product of MS genius; 100% correct but absolutely useless.
now if we're talking about GM, it might be go something like this... "there is a problem in a component . there is a $50 diagnosis fee payable immediately by visa, master, or american express before we can disclose to you what that component is. in the mean time, we're disabling your vehicle to minimize our liabil... for your safety."
ELOI, ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI!?
"Hi, I'm your car. I have detected an anomaly in a fundamental system element. For liability reasons and to avoid upsetting you, I cannot provide further information at this time. For your safety and convenience, I recommend driving immediately to the nearest licensed manufacturer's repair facility which is three miles to the northwest. I have taken the liberty of programming your on-board navigation system with this destination. Please make a legal U-turn when able."
"Hi, it's me again. I cannot help noticing that you are continuing to travel in a direction away from my recommended repair facility. I am programmed to advise you that your comfort and safety may not be guaranteed if you continue to ignore my mandatory recommendations."
"GPS and navigation data suggest that you are pulling in to a non-factory-licensed automotive repair facility, 'Tom's Car Fixers'. I must tell you that such a facility may not be properly prepared to deal with the complex procedures required to maintain this vehicle, and that The Company cannot be held liable in the event that you suffer death or other inconvenience resulting from this decision."
Tom: "Yeah, we extracted the diagnostic codes from your car, and the fault decodes as MAJOR 11 MINOR 31 SUBCODE 4: ONE OR MORE BRAKE PADS LIFE NOW AT 33% REMAINING AND LOCAL DEALER MAINTENANCE SALES QUOTAS ARE UN-MET. DEALER REPLACEMENT OF ALL BRAKE PADS, ROTORS AND TIRES IS RECOMMENDED."
G.
What about the Cloud? Why not just put the manuals in the Cloud? Wheee... woooo... clouds are pretty....
All these comments and no-one has mentioned the war, or German accented cars issuing commands!
I am Slashdot. Are you Slashdot as well?
I see you are yelling at the car. Would you like me to update you Facebook status? Please say "Yes", "No" or "Censored."
I find it hard to believe that with all the effort car companies go to in protecting the maintenance codes for their vehicles that they'd suddenly see the light and change their ways. I would tag this article "suddenoutbreak..." except that I'm paranoid. Here's what I see happening:
This will replace the engine light blink code/lookup table that I've currently got in my car dash with a voice prompt. The manager who proposed it will get a bonus for replacing a bunch of dummy lights with what amounts to an arduino style hack job. I still won't get full diagnostic codes for the car, but the "check engine" notice will become more annoying. And it will still be less informative than the analog oil pressure/battery voltage/engine RPM gauges cars used to all come with.
I'm getting depressed just thinking about the ways this could go wrong. I'm going to stop while I'm ahead.
"Space Exploration is not endless circles in low earth orbit." -Buzz Aldrin
There are Bluetooth based ODB II readers for Android.
While Ol' Dirty Bastard does have numerous children, I don't believe any of them are named Ol' Dirty Bastard, the Second.
You may be thinking of the second incarnation of On-Board Diagnostics, commonly known as OBD-II.
So when I say "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over?"
I will get a complete diagnostic report?
There is no right to feel safe thru security vaudeville at the expense of everyone's freedom, privacy and tax money.
I've seen the last Airbender on my dash, talking to me
The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
Does anyone actually like pieces of technology that talk to you? I'm reminded of a printer a coworker told me about (lexmark I think he said) that would annoyingly let you know what it's doing. And am I the only one that turns off my GPS' voice output. Don't get me started on those dignity removing phone systems that you have to speak to instead of pushing a button for your selection.
will it be like the annoying office clip ? cause if that's the case screw the car, I'll walk...
Purchase an OLDER car that does not have all the modern crap in it. I have a 1973 Toyota Land Cruiser and it has none of that crap. Hell, it does not even have a radio! Reliable, it's has many 100,000's of miles and all it's ever required is the oil changed and spark plugs now an again. It is also easy and inexpensive to repair.
I also have a 2004 subaru forester - a fun car, but is way more expensive to maintain. Hell, it's in the shop right now.
Why is it that most of the people that I encounter seem to have been shat from the Sphincter of Mediocrity?
"H! there!! I'm AUDI, your plastic pal that's fun to be with! You appear to be colliding with an 18 wheeler, I'll order you some fresh underwear!"
"At one time not all that long ago, cars had a warning light..."
I remember the days that cars didn't have warning lights, and you had to use intuition and your senses. Now, though, everything has to be pointed out to you. It's a sad state of affairs that we've gotten ourselves into.
Please... not Clippy...
Having a smoking section in a public restaurant is like having a peeing section in a public swimming pool.
I have something like that in my Ponitac called a DIC (driver information center) which leads to such silly statements as "My DIC is broken!"
Instead of Clippy it's Wheels.
Can you imagine the marketing for this? Maybe the avatar could be altered into a Hotwheel or Matchbox car, or the local dealership owner's likeness.
... I can't let you overtake that car.
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes" - Winston Churchill
[[Insert clippy joke here]]
Think.
Sweet Smoking Jesus, I just reported the cost, not that I ever paid it.
I thought so.
I was working on an open source 3D character animation engine a few years back that Ford expressed interest in for a similar idea. They contributed some to funding the project http://charengine.sourceforge.net/ but seem to have either lost interest or went a different route. You can see a quick demo of it halfway through the video on the project page.
Driver: What's the problem?
Car: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
These engineers must be right out of college, and thus never met clippy to begin with!
No, I will not work for your startup
"I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours."
The perfect onboard avatar for all those cars running a Microsoft OS, Microsoft's orginal CLIPPY.
Already some FORD customers are angry at the sudden reboots they get while driving.
What else should you expect from the company that mastered the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH?
"Avatar?"
"AVATAR!!"
So if i need to know how to do xxx, and my car battery has conked out, I guess i am screwed to get help to fix my car based on that manual's suggestions or information.
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