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Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens
Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story."
Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."
And I like turtles.
ANOTHER remake. How sad.
Michael Bay Signs $50m Deal to Fuck Up Thundercats.
le sigh.
Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??
Did... did he just tell us to chillax?
We've suspected it for years, but I think the trolling has just become completely overt.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles = TANT
As in, this dude is tainting my childhood memories!~
Everyone who paid to see Michael Bay's movie must pay extra 10% income tax.
Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to child protection agencies.
Fuck systemd. Fuck Redhat. Fuck Soylent, too. Wait, scratch the last one.
Done!
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
Michael Bay is to 80's cartoons as Uwe Boll is to Videogames.
In Soviet Russia, Trojan exploits YOU!
The latest: Shredder's not a Japanese gang leader, but a kitchen merchandizing mogul. Baxter Stockman is played by Vince "with the Slap Chop" Offer. You're gonna love his nuts.
I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.
The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics. Unfortunately I am old enough to have read them when they first appeared, but they were good.
Calls it Transformers 4.
So... Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Unless they are proud warriors who have grown to full maturity, and its not a joyride to earth... Then its Adult Alien Ninja Turtles! But wait! If they are not mutated from turtles, then they are not turtles. So maybe Adult Alien Ninja Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings! But if they learned their martial arts on another planet, then its only Ninja-esq... So the new theme is
"Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Heroes in a Half Shell,
Alien power!
They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (From Another World!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Aliens for some reason focusing on one small local crime lord when they have interplanetary travel don't cut him no slack!
(Refrain)
Just doesn't have the same ring as it used to...
Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??
I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it's because deep down most people have self-esteem issues and when they were in high school the only boys who approached them were the confident ones who 'negged' them and provided a level of mental abuse that they tolerated and even found attractive. And they never recovered from it.
Add the regular rejection of Hollywood and it just gets even worse.
No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to rape people's childhoods.
FTFY.
Reply to self:
After some quick wikipedia, I realize that the cartoon I grew up loving in the late 80s was actually ripped from a comic book series I have never read. So I guess I prove my OP wrong. Some 12 year old kid could go see this movie, and it would forever represent the ninja turtles in their mind. Oh god, where is the art police when you need them?
And the comic is actually pretty good...
Peter predicted that you would "deliberately forget" creation 2000 years ago...
Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:
"Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.
Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"
Yeah right.
The guy just keeps resuscitating properties that have been long dead and buried, licensed for somewhere near the price of a six pack of Coors, and turning them into brands worth hundreds of millions of dollars again.
We should all hope to "screw things up" like he does.
Michael Bay is single-handedly improving the economy, at least for me, by populating the theaters with movies I have no wish to see.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
We'll see no more Megan Fox ass. He's too busy showing us the Teenage Alien Intelligence Ninja Turtles.
My Dinner With Andre. In 3-D.
The Palladium roleplaying game was pretty awesome too
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
I am fully convinced that the sole reason for this fuckery is that there was not enough room for "Baysplosions" in the original plot, and space was the most likely setting.
The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases.
Yet we are for some reason not free to express our displeasure?
Amen. I wasn't- and amn't- a major TMHT (*) fan (**), so I'm not massively upset personally. However, variants of the following stupid argument pop up on Slashdot all the time, namely that "it's a free market / free world therefore they're within their rights to do what they want with their thing / run their company how they like and you're free to not buy it and therefore you're not entitled to complain about it."
;-)
All but the last bit in bold may be arguably legitimate- and standard- but for some reason people around here seem to think that because there's a free market and people have the right to make a free choice then they have no right to complain.
Wrong. If "Fanboy Electronic Fashions" makes something I dislike or conducts their business in a manner I disagree with, yes, I don't have to buy it or do business with them (just as they're not obligated to pander to me). This fact *does not* disqualify me from criticising them anyway- whether I choose to buy their stuff or not- nor does it entitle them to protection from criticism. If I don't like the "uPhone" then "you don't have to buy it" doesn't stop me from criticising it, or encouraging others not to buy it- in fact, to believe otherwise pretty much implies you dislike free criticism of products (plus people who *had* bought it could similarly be dismissed with "well, you bought it anyway").
(*) Teenage Mutant *Hero* Turtles, yes, I live in Britain and we got the BBC-approved title
(**) Probably due to being just a bit too old for the cartoon when it first came out (early to mid teens), though I knew people in my class at school who liked it.
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
You know, I honestly don't give a crap about TMNT. Not at all. Never a fan. But this STILL MAKES ME SEETHE.
Why the fuck can't Hollywood EVER GET ANYTHING RIGHT, EVER?
It's like Bryan Singer admitting he never read comic books as a kid. So what do they do? Give him the X Men franchise to direct. Great thinking, guys. That's exactly what you want. Directors who never read the source material. Pilots that never read a flight manual. Doctors that never read a book on physiology. Truck drivers that never read the drivers code, driving on the wrong side of the streets. Perfect. And it's not uncommon. Same goes for Tim Burton, which perfectly explains Edward Bathands.
But this time, I have to be impressed though. This time, the ignorance of Hollywood rings true a clear as a bell. You know right at the outset that this is going to absolutely suck. Some people like Mr. Singer and Mr. Burton admit to not knowing the source material. Mr. Bay has basically admitted that he hasn't even read the fucking title. Because it's Mutant turtles, not Alien turtles as others have correctly noted. A new low, even for Hollywood.
Why the fuck do they keep hiring these people? A total fucking stranger they pick randomly off the streets could do better. They certainly couldn't know less about the topic. You can only go up.
Weaselmancer
rediculous.
"but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass."
She's obviously way below your standards, with her sharp knees and all. We can't all be lucky enough like you to have had Natalie Portman pour hot grits into our underwear.
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everyone seems to be freaking out about this. But who cares? Anyone under 25 doesn't know what TMNT is and anyone over 25 doesn't give a shit, because it's fucking TMNT and we're fucking adults.
I'm the submitter, and I care. Coincidentally, I am 25 :)
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
Completely agreed on that one.
It was GURPS based, so somewhat interchangeable with other systems. Not exactly a hard core RPG since it was pretty easy to cheese out an overpowered character, but my group found it a refreshing change of pace to our long running D&D campaign.
You could slap together a hack and slash, come up with some crazy mutations and skills for your new characters and charge through in a night. Half the fun was rolling characters, so we tended to run one-off scenarios.
Also, the comics are edgy and fun - more so than the cartoon.
Culture is more than commerce
yeah! Uwe Boll must be stopped!
The real reason is society at large. The problems facing actresses are no different than the average girl. The key differences are that, a) actresses are pushed even more aggressively into conforming to a certain aesthetic; and b) the have the income to be able to act on it.
The guys in high school were douchebags and as such their mentality easily dismissed. The problem is that they were equally affect by social norms and thus were simply repeating what society at large expects of these girls.
Hence the expectation that women should look like surgically augmented toothpicks. The real problems are always a lot more subtle than people believe.
There's always Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Anthropic principle: We see the universe the way it is because if it were different we would not be here to see it.
I would think Ridley Scott has the final say in that.
From Topless Robot: "Okay, I'm getting a little pedantic here, but the fact remains that by making the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aliens, Bay is needlessly changing one of the core components of the series -- one of their three fundamental adjectives, one might say -- for no discernible reason or benefit whatsoever. You know, I used to think that Bay was just an immensely successful idiot, but honestly, now I think he's our nerd satan. Here we are, enjoying Game of Thrones and the Avengers movie and unparalleled nerd art and prestige, and Bay is the Anti-Nerd, the serpent in our paradise, the one who will stop at nothing until all nerd goodness is ruined with aliens and pissing and balls and humping dogs and steaming piles of shit. Seriously, Michael Bay is the Nerd Devil"
This Space Intentionally Left Blank
Im glad you feel this way... One less competitor for that sweet sweet rump.
Doesn't matter if there are no original ideas.
The problem in this case Bay's "original idea" is changing the turtles to aliens. I'm not a fan but I don't see why it's necessary or beneficial to do so. Especially when the title itself has the word "Mutant" and "Turtles".
The whole point of milking a franchise is to actually milk it. How does changing the foundation of the brand name help milk it more?
That said if it actually does well then the fans and people are saying keep screwing me. I won't be surprised if that happens since G W Bush was re-elected.
weren't you here for the Startrek reboot? That what reboot means, take something that people like and totally screw it up for your own ego trip. That way you can make a totally mediocre movie and still expect good box office take from the fanboys that go just because of the name.
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
Someone getting paid millions of dollars should damn well look ideal. If there is a problem with society it's the conservatism that keeps grannies like Megan Fox around instead of giving new talent a chance to fulfill their potential.
I'm 34 and TMNT was a Darkhorse Comic by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. It was black and white ink and the titles were fucked up psychopaths out for revenge (and pizza, granted). They cussed up and down, cut down anyone in their path and lay waste to entire rooms of people with blood spray like a Kill Bill movie.
Then they cashed out to Archie and I stopped caring.
A fool throws a stone into a well and a thousand sages can not remove it.
TOS was an exceptionally good scifi series, when it comes to televised scifi. In 1966, when computers at home, mobile telephony, tablets, etc were unheard of, and when most of the world did not even have television, there comes a show that;
-shows people working on computer screens, by touching them.
-have mobile communicators.
-people work on a computer network
-computer accepting voice commands
Let's also not forget warp drive, teleportation, antigravity, and the first ever interracial kiss on TV.
That was groundbreaking, wasn't it?
Fast forward 40 years later, and much of what ST showed has been implemented in one form or another. We have networked computers, mobile computers, communicators, tablets, and interacial relationships are aplenty every day on TV.
So, what this new movie offers us over the old one, from a scifi perspective? nothing at all.
Not only that, but as an action movie, it is rather lame. The plot holes are as big as Kirk's ego, and all the consistence the old universe had had gone out of the window.
To me, that means one thing only: it was a bad movie.
Did it make a huge profit? yes, it did. But that does not mean anything. The movie audience has been brainwashed with so many bad movies the last 20 years, that they do not know what a good movie is any more. They will watch any shit thrown at them, if they get their entertainment fix. The general audience watches Big Brother, America's Most Wanted and every MTV teenage trash series. For them, STXI may have been even intellectual, but that does not mean it was a good film.
I've read it, but sadly the additions didn't live up to the quality of the rest. I laughed a lot while reading it, but mostly during the parts that were in the original. The dojo scene with Lady Catherine was entertaining, but most of the other new parts just left me wanting to skip on to the end of them. It seemed like a waste of a good concept. I keep meaning to pick up some of the others in the series and see if they were better executed.
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