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Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens

Posted by Soulskill on from the stop-assassinating-my-childhood dept.

Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story." Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

348 of 481 comments (clear)

  1. It's hte end of the world as we know it. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    And I like turtles.

  2. This is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Retarded.

    1. Re:This is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Yeah right.

      The guy just keeps resuscitating properties that have been long dead and buried, licensed for somewhere near the price of a six pack of Coors, and turning them into brands worth hundreds of millions of dollars again.

      We should all hope to "screw things up" like he does.

    2. Re:This is by Moheeheeko · · Score: 2

      I am fully convinced that the sole reason for this fuckery is that there was not enough room for "Baysplosions" in the original plot, and space was the most likely setting.

    3. Re:This is by mug+funky · · Score: 2

      yeah! Uwe Boll must be stopped!

    4. Re:This is by sorak · · Score: 1

      I am fully convinced that the sole reason for this fuckery is that there was not enough room for "Baysplosions" in the original plot, and space was the most likely setting.

      Oh, come on! Anyone who's played the video games knows that New York city is full of barrels.

  3. "Classic Story" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Oh, dear god.

  4. Just what Hollywood needs.... by scottbomb · · Score: 5, Informative

    ANOTHER remake. How sad.

    1. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by jamstar7 · · Score: 2

      Some reboots haven't been that bad (Battlestar Galactica, Ocean's Eleven). A couple have improved on the original (Battlestar Galactica). Some have been downright awful (Land of the Lost, 21 Jump Street). And some the jury is still out on (Star Trek).

      --
      Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
    2. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Ihmhi · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Just stop.

      We are very near the point where the free stuff out there is good enough to replace the stuff in theaters and on television (and I'm not talking about The Pirate Bay kinda free). Freeware games. *Excellent* YouTube series. Really original daring stuff.

      Just stop watching Hollywood's crap.

      --
      Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
    3. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by ickpoo · · Score: 1

      I haven't even finished them because of this. Still have the last half season to watch.

      --
      I am not a script! .Sig?
    4. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by mrmeval · · Score: 2

      I'm currently wading through Gutenberg's science fiction bookshelf. I'm also slowly building up a list of good authors who are independent of publishers. It's very difficult as there is zero rating system and you have to spend time to read what ever book they offer for review. Since by reading it I'm making a commitment to them that first one should be free, proofread and edited by a professional and be someone consistent and coherent. (ow ow ow).

      I now have all of two ebook only independent authors picked out. I'm building up the skill to weed out the wannabes, polemic spewers, TrueBelivers[tm], incompetent etc. I've read through about 30 of these and that's with weeding out a couple hundred and I only kept 2. I...can see why publishing houses have gone so insular and only want agents to do submissions.

      Several authors published through a publishing house are now offering ebooks of their work directly. Some use DRM some do not. I'll deal with that as it comes up.

      --
      I'd go on a Vegan diet but the delivery time from Vega is too long. --brownkitty
    5. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PhrstBrn · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I'm pretty sure the jury on Star Trek is already out, and that it was good, just different. The movie changes the series from an adventure drama to more of an action movie. Although the reboot feels like a dumbed down version of Star Trek, they tried to stay true to the original cannon.

      While I'm sure any Trek fan will point out all the things they changed, they did change things up a bit, they did a lot of things right (ladder in the hallway, redshirt on an away team mission, rigging the Kobayashi Maru Test, Sulu is a fencer) to make sure everybody knew that the movie was really Star Trek. Besides, the original Star Trek already established split timelines as cannon, so any changes you make can be considered cannon in an alternate universe.

      The movie was good, tried to stay true to the original, what's not to like?

    6. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by firefrei · · Score: 1

      I generally just watch "let's plays" on YouTube, however there's a lot of decent stuff at http://vodo.net/ (Pioneer One, Zenith, various documentaries, etc.). Another good place for free shows is http://revision3.com/ - my particular favorites are Scam School, The Ben Heck Show and Hak5.

      As for games, try Urban Terror, Xonotic (not a huge number of online players though) and fs2_open (updated Freespace 2 engine, needs FS2 files though which are available legally if you know where to find them).

      --
      I remember when Linux was good... too...
    7. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by tragedy · · Score: 3, Informative

      The jury is still out on the Star Trek "reboot" movie? I watched it in the theatres when it came out. I should preface the next thing I say by pointing out that I have eclectic tastes and can enjoy just about anything. As a dumb action-comedy/self-parody movie, I found the movie enjoyable enough. As part of the actual Star Trek franchise though, the jury is in. It wasn't any good.

      For starters, it's a time travel story. Time travel stories can be quite good sometimes, but 90% of Star Trek time travel stories aren't very good. You have to be very careful with time travel as a plot point. Beyond that:
      * Red matter? They drill to the core of a planet to turn it into a black hole with something called "red matter". The stuff works without needing to be at the core of a planet, which means you could destroy a planet just by dropping some on the surface, but the villains still need to drill a hole to the core.

      * Crazy villains. It's common for villains to be crazy. But the villains in this story were cloudcuckooland nutso crazy. Their planet blows up, so they go after someone who was trying to stop it for revenge. They end up back in time and then wait around for decades for him to show up so they can commit genocide a few times while he watches. All this for love of their lost empire. For some reason, despite being from the future, with advanced technological knowledge and future technology in their possession, they don't hook up with their beloved empire and share the technology.

      * Wacky supernova. Despite a supernova being a natural phenomenon we understand pretty well and not one of the wacky "anomalies" that crop up in the Star Trek universe, it apparently manages to hit the entire Romulan empire at once by surprise (they knew it was coming, but it supposedly arrived early), even though everyone and their mother has FTL communication and starships. For that to happen, the entire Romulan empire would need to be in one star system and the star of that system would have had to be the one that went supernova, which means that an entire technologically advanced civilization was living for centuries with sufficient technology to evacuate in a place they would have to know was doomed at any moment.

      *Wacky supernova solution. Red matter makes black holes. Got it. How exactly does that stop a supernova, which is the big explosion when a Star collapses into a black hole?

      *Wacky chases. Guy runs from space monster. Monster gets attacked by bigger monster which then chases guy. This isn't action movie stuff, this is wacky comedy stuff. This is the sort of thing that happens to Wile E. Coyote, not captains of the Enterprise. This is just stupid and it this sort of thing happens way too much in movies these days. Either directors or general audiences are clearly taking too much crack.

      There are all kinds of other problems. Of course plenty of stuff like this is present in all kinds of other Star Trek material, but it's all present in the stuff that we put our faces in our hands and groan for, not the good stuff. Lots of directors (especially those like Bay), just really don't seem to get it. This seems to have always been the case. Just look at all the Batman movies made by the people who seemed to have their minds stuck on the old TV show.

    8. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by islisis · · Score: 1

      I did some searching for "online only" drama series, and couldn't come up with much info on this... Would you be able to list some sources for free YouTube series?

    9. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by jamstar7 · · Score: 1

      Well, thing about the original Star Trek from back in the Stone Age was, it at least tried to be somewhat reasonably scientifically accurate. 'Red matter'?? WTF is 'red matter'? Somebody show me in General Relativity, Special Relativity, hell, HAWKING FFS about 'red matter'. Stellar explosions? There's a cube law relationship there. A supernova a few dozen light years away isn't going to break your planet up, but it will cook it nicely with cosmic radiation. Yeah, it would probably be an extinction level event no matter how tough your planet's magnetic field is. And get this. The shock wave moves at light speed not warp speed. The 'red matter' bit was a bit much like the TNG/Voyager 'Hell, just recalibrate the deflector dish into cranking out an antifuckiton wave' and problem solved. News flash, making the supernova a black hole after the fact wouldn't have stopped the shock wave.

      --
      Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
    10. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PhrstBrn · · Score: 1

      The one that aired in 2009 in theaters. But hey, let's just point and laugh instead of saying anything of real value. Oh wait.

    11. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by jamstar7 · · Score: 3, Insightful

      The orignal 21 Jump Street was pretty damned good. It was heavy drama, and the actors looked like they could pass for high school seniors at the beginning of the show. Not so much at the end, of course. The two idiots they have in the current comedy version of Jump Street look like they're mid 30's. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, put them in edgy clothes, they'll fit right in on any high school campus. They look older than the teachers FFS.

      I watched the original Battlestar back in the day, as well as the abortion commonly known as Battlestar 1980. Trust me, the reboot is WAY better. Bay is drinking way too much of his own koolaide these days. Give 'em plenty of explosions to keep the 8-12 year olds happy, and who gives a fuck about a plot?

      You wanna see some goddamned good Hollywood movies? Watch Casablanca. Silent Running. 2001: A Space Odessey. 2010. Outland. North By Northwest. These movies didn't need 87 minutes of every 90 in a car chase or an explosion, they had a story, plot, and actually didn't insult the intelligence of the people who watched them.

      --
      Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
    12. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by drinkypoo · · Score: 1

      It seems like most people don't have the patience for movies like that any more. I really loved Silent Running but my lady, who is my elder, found it to be painfully boring and browsed while we watched it. As a group we've gotten used to things happening faster in movies.

      --
      "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
    13. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by IICV · · Score: 2

      Why go through all that effort and then not mention the two authors you like? The applicable content rating system is word of mouth, after all, and if you mention them you'll help raise the signal to noise level.

    14. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by westyvw · · Score: 1

      Ah cut to the chase. Time travel sucks unless its integral to the show to begin with. Abrahms conveniently does things like this, and simply "reboots". I laughed at some of the refernces to the original, but otherwise was not impressed by lens flare effect after lens flare effect and really didint give a shit if they all died. Might have been a decent little short cartoon, but thats about it.

    15. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by deimtee · · Score: 1

      Not all publishers are evil. Given the above, it's hard to believe you missed Baen Books, but you don't mention them.
      No DRM, cheap ebooks, many free books, especially older titles and the early entries in series.

      --
      I'm guessing that wasn't on their radar screen...
    16. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Rinikusu · · Score: 1

      ..Did you actually see the new 21 Jumpstreet? Because they actually used the fact that they looked like they were 30 as part of a "joke". Very self-aware and surprisingly good. Hell, it's doing great on rottentomatoes, as well.

      And hey, no one's stopping you from writing your own goddamned movies.

      Selling them or getting them made, that's another story...

      --
      If you were me, you'd be good lookin'. - six string samurai
    17. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Baron+von+Daren · · Score: 2

      I must admit I enjoyed the Star Trek reboot, if judged simply as a film. For me, it had it had just enough going for it to overcome the very, very long list of problems I had with it (and I am using all of my will not to share my list in great detail). This is all abstracted, however, from the fact that it was a Star Trek reboot.

      Ultimately the film is a failure, in my eyes, because it squandered it’s incredible potential. You are given a chance to reboot one of the most beloved and fertile fictional universes in the history of the world--and this is not hyperbole--and the best you can do is a marginally enjoyable summer blockbuster. I think Abrams and company took the easy path; instead of risking a grasp at the brass ring, they slid under a lower bar and made a mint. Of course profit is the industry's prime directive; no one is obligated to make a masterpiece. It’s still disappointing.

    18. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PhrstBrn · · Score: 1

      I'm not really sure what you could have expected from a Star Trek reboot that the movie didn't have.

      You have to write this film as if nobody has ever seen Star Trek before. It had been 40 years since the TV series was out, and almost 20 years since the last movie. You have to assume that anybody under the age of 30 hasn't seen Star Trek before. So this film was going to be a character driven story, getting to know the crew and characters, and not going to expand upon the vast Star Trek universe. There was't time to make a super complex story, you had 2 hours to learn the backstory of the entire crew, and somehow manage to put in a villain plot. They did a Romulan plot, because they're the least interesting, and they didn't have much time to put in an intricate story. Remember, this was going to be a character driven story, learning about the characters, not about the Star Trek universe.

      The mainstream audience is going to need things spelled out for them, which means this movie was going to seem like a dumb down version of Star Trek. So they're going to change things to make it appeal to the masses. The engine room made look like a navel ship engine room was to spell it out to the popcorn eating audience that this was indeed, the engine room and not some weird space weapon or something. The dumbed down-ness of the series had to happen if it was going to have mass appeal.

      So if you were expecting an complex story that you're used to seeing in Star Trek, I could have told you it wasn't going to be that before stepping into the movie theaters that it wasn't going to be that. That said, now that they've gotten the character development out of the way, you should expect something more exciting out of the next film, and they should be able to expand upon the Star Trek universe like you are used to. If I were to guess, the next movie is going to feature Klingons, will revolve around the story and Star Trek universe, not just the characters like the last film did.

    19. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by unitron · · Score: 1

      The recent (2009?) reboot of Star Trek was to the original as the recent Jason Bourne movies (and EVL novels) are to the original Ludlum trilogy, only more so.

      Sacrilege and heresy.

      --

      I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

    20. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Ihmhi · · Score: 1

      Uh, sure, I can list some stuff.

      For videos, you're not going to really be able to find huge series you can watch like you can most shows. It's the kind of adjustment most people have to make when they watch British TV for the first time (in general, British shows have much shorter seasons that elsewhere - 10 episodes every year or two compared to 20-40 every year for the States). You can find really great shows but they'll often be painfully short, so the best thing is to build up a large pool of stuff to watch.

      I'm particularly fond of Next Time on Lonny and anything by freddiew. Cracked.com also hads loads of original, good material. Does Not Compute is pretty decent, Agents of Cracked (which has now run its course) was pretty good, and After Hours is definitely one of the things I most look forward to watching. There's loads of other videos there I haven't checked out as of yet.

      I enjoyed the majority of There Will Be Brawl, which is a brilliant parody of Smash Brothers, Sin City, and a whole bunch of other things. It really has to be seen to be believed.

      College Humor is good for pretty okay short series, and there's usually excellent shorts on places like Funny or Die starring respectable professionals, such as Don Cheadle is Captain Planet. (Yes, it's really Don Cheadle, and yes he is playing Captain Planet. Yes, he looks ridiculous. Yes, it's hilarious. "Captain Planet, motherfucker!")

      As for games, I really enjoy Dwarf Fortress, although it's hugely complex and still very much in Alpha. If you like RTSes or sim games it may interest you, but it's an acquired taste.

      For platformers, Spelunky is pretty challenging but possible to beat. I Wanna Be The Guy is practically impossible to beat for all but the most experienced platform players - it is deliberately unfair.

      I'm also really fond of Quake Live - it's basically Quake 3 played in your browser, which is nice as you can sign on pretty much anywhere that you can install a browser plugin. It runs really well in general and is still as fun as Quake 3 was (and the netcode is way, way better).

      Lastly, an interesting F2P game I've been into as of late is Realm of the Mad God, which is like a top-down shooter but with magic spells, permadeath, and a pretty high skill curve. It got boring for me fast so it's best in small doses.

      Hope some of this stuff was helpful. I wish I could delve into it more but I can't really compose myself as well this morning, nor do I have the time. The stuff you'll enjoy the most, I've found, is the stuff you discover yourself. Have fun!

      --
      Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
    21. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by dogmatixpsych · · Score: 1

      I really enjoyed the Star Trek reboot. In my opinion, it was the the best of the Star Trek movies (but I was never a Trekkie) - yes, I know some people would hang me over that statement. I liked some of the original TV show and movies (as well as Enterprise) but as I said, my life didn't revolve around Star Trek. I just think the new movie was the best of the Star Trek films.

    22. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 2

      It's the difference between a book with a good author, and a book with a good author and a good editor. There were some things that weren't bad, but could have been tightened up. A couple of examples:

      Sulu's sword fighting style. In the original, he was a fencer. In the new one, he fights in a Japanese style because, you know, he's asian and that's how asians fight. It was just lazy stereotyping. Fixing it just required tweaking the fight choreography a bit.

      Then there was the whole thing about where Spock was waiting. Somewhere where Vulcan was visible in the sky? That basically means a sister planet or a moon. There are some vague references to Vulcan having a sister planet (but no moon), so making this explicit would have been easy. But if it was a sister planet to Vulcan, why was it so hard to get supplies? A shuttle could easily have popped up from Vulcan regularly. Again, easy to fix: make it a science outpost measuring some gravitational effects so no ship could approach the planet without affecting the readings, and make young Spock send Kirk there knowing that he wouldn't be able to get off the planet until the next supply run. Put this in the dialog.

      Someone reading the script could easily have made these changes early on, but they didn't. That's why Star Trek was so frustrating: it was a good film, but it could easily have been a great film.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    23. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      A supernova a few dozen light years away isn't going to break your planet up, but it will cook it nicely with cosmic radiation. Yeah, it would probably be an extinction level event no matter how tough your planet's magnetic field is

      Except that this is Star Trek, where they have deflector shields that allow a star ship to survive in a star's corona. The radiation from a supernova some light years away would be much weaker. Given a few years to prepare (which they'd have - the shock wave isn't moving at warp speed), any of the major empires should have been able to deploy planetary-scale radiation shields. In fact, in Star Trek II (set over 100 years earlier), they mentioned that Earth had planetary shields already. Given that the Romulans are a lot more warlike than the Federation, it would be pretty shocking if they didn't have them. Tuning these to block excess radiation wouldn't be a major feat...

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    24. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 2

      It's the Lost style of drama, also found in Heroes and a few other series: make it up as you go along. Contrast this with Babylon 5, where the executive producer knew the entire 5-years story arc in advance. There were some things that needed to be tweaked (actors left and were not-so-subtly replaced by very similar characters, they thought they would be cancelled after 4 years, so they threw a lot of the year-five arc into year four and then had quite a weak fifth year), but the episode writers were told 'you have to fit this event in somehow' and they did. This would often be something quite simple, like one character has to say something to another, but when you watch them all together you realise that it's foreshadowing for something that happened 2-3 years later. They didn't need to retcon things - the foreshadowing was all in place and the scene had been set. If you watch BSG and B5 you can clearly see the difference.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    25. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Bill_the_Engineer · · Score: 2

      2001: A Space Odessey

      You accidentally placed a treatment for insomnia in your list of good movies.

      --
      These comments are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of my employer or colleagues...
    26. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by ravenscar · · Score: 1

      I expected the one thing that movies and television shows always shy away from, but that Star Trek routinely delivered - a moral dilemma. I wanted to consider the pros and cons of interfering in another culture. I wanted to think about whether the good of the many outweighs the good of the few. I wanted to ponder beings greater than ourselves and consider the impact that might have on our outlook. I wanted to appreciate the perspective of species that developed with a completely different system of values. None of those things requires a complex story line or even a rudimentary understanding of the Star Trek canon. At least one of them should have been worked into the movie. Not a single one was.

      The magic of Star Trek was in the fact that I was a little less sure of myself at the end of every episode. That magic was completely missing from the latest movie.

    27. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Toze · · Score: 1

      This.

      I've registered an NPO and am running a teensy arts/anime convention in a town of 60,000. We've got two rooms for video showing. One is for licensed anime with permission from the North American copyright holders, the other is dedicated to indie web series like the Guild, Journey Quest, Heroes of the North, Aiden 5, etc. Frankly, if I wasn't going to be spending the day putting out fires, I'd be spending the day in the indie film room.

      --
      No OS on the planet can protect itself from a user with the admin password. - Yvan256
    28. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 1

      I think it just suffered from "need to establish the world" syndrome that any first film in a series has. It's a reboot, so they need to re-establish all the characters and the fictional universe. Sorry fellow ST fans, but there's lots of people out there now who didn't grow up with TOS, and those new generations need to be considered. So, I have some level of confidence for the series at the moment. Abrams has been a big hit and miss for me, but the hits have been solid, ones, personally.

    29. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 1

      Eh... I really think the fighting style was dictated by the situation. You really think a fencing style would have worked in that scene? And why can't he know more than one style?

    30. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      A sabre fencing style would have worked just as well, and this was supposed to Sulu's weapon of choice (although we only see him waving a foil around in TOS). There's nothing wrong with him knowing multiple styles, but I'd expect him to prefer the one that he competed in at a professional level.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    31. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by bill_mcgonigle · · Score: 1

      And that's why those other series you mentioned all had crap endings. If you consider B5 to end with Season 4 (I do) it wraps up nicely.

      That said, B5 is unusual because networks don't offer 5-year contracts. B5 was always a fight, jumping between networks, etc.

      YouTube could concievably offer a 5-year contract (perhaps with a ratings requirement) because they're not a traditional network.

      So, this should get better over time. Meanwhile I can't imagine going back to being a TV watcher, but I did love me some B5.

      --
      My God, it's Full of Source!
      OUTSIDE_IP=$(dig +short my.ip @outsideip.net)
    32. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Baron+von+Daren · · Score: 1

      Few of my problems with the film are Trek specific. I’m not hot and bothered that this was changed or that wasn’t addressed from a ‘cannon’ perspective. Most of my issues are centered on the general style of the movie and the lack of core film elements like a plot, an antagonist of any worth (ok must regain will and not list issues). This was a movie crafted on easy mode and designed to be a light, accessible, and profitable summer blockbuster (or if you prefer vapid). That’s not a crime in and of itself; that’s a viable style for a film in the abstract, even if it’s not really my cup of tea.

      My point intersects with the fact that the film is a Trek reboot in that the style is a cop out. When something reboots, you expect it take the best of what the original had to offer, expand and improve on the franchise, and maintain, and this is a pretty abstract concept, the spirit of the original.

      I guess I feel like the reboot failed to improve and build on the best parts of Trek. As has been mentioned, one of Trek’s most captivating aspects was its ability to be imaginative, substantive and thought provoking. It tackled moral and philosophical issues, and it did so presented in a wrapper of action and humor. This reboot has very little if any substantive or thought provoking material. In fact it more often offends the intellect. In this way it was decidedly not in the spirit of Trek, at least as I see it.

      Who knows; future films may capitalize on that deeper side of Trek now that the characters and framework have been established. There may have been a long term plan for a span of films. I’m simply dubious at this point.

      To be fair, I feel it was one of the better Trek films even if it was vapid. Trek films don’t really have a great track record. I’m still putting Wrath of Kahn on top (even with its pacing issues); followed by First Contact. The reboot probably vies for third with some others, and it probably wins despite its problems. I hope that clarifies my position. I’m not saying the movie was an abject failure as a film; it was simply a HUGE disappointment in the face of its potential. I simply wish the film makers had tried to do more given the golden gift and considerably responsibility they were handed. Instead, I feel they decided to risk as little as possible and take the easy path.

    33. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      Seriously, dude. Go back and watch maybe five episodes of the show. That 2009 movie is absolutely nothing like the show -- in tone, in characterization, nothing. The movie is actually so intent on being stupid that it took the smartest characters in the Star Trek universe (the Vulcans) and blew up their entire planet so the sequels wouldn't have to worry about too many smart people hanging around. Brainless action movie, sure, it was that. But that ain't Star Trek.

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
    34. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      Sorry fellow ST fans, but there's lots of people out there now who didn't grow up with TOS, and those new generations need to be considered

      Why? Seriously -- why make a nostalgic franchise reboot and target it at the people who don't give a shit about the franchise?

      Why not think up something original?

      Answer: Cash grab. You need to piggyback onto the franchise to kick start your marketing campaign.

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
    35. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Baron+von+Daren · · Score: 1

      I didn’t really address your points, which are reasonable, in my other reply. I simply elucidated mine. I'll try to do so quickly (I should be working).

      I do get what you are saying, but I think a well-crafted film can both appeal to the masses and be more than a series of scenes and character introductions grafted onto an anemic plot. Doing so, however, simply takes a lot more effort and incurs a bit more risk. I think I would have been happy with something between the extremes erudite and vapid; and I doubt such a film would have alienated the masses. The masses have responded quite well to movies that are multifaceted and simultaneously appeal to multiple markets, but again, such a film is simply a much harder to craft.

      I suppose I simply have a general problem with pandering to the lowest common denominator. I think it’s destructive to society in general, but that’s a tangent we don’t need to get into. I realize my disappointment is largely personal, but I feel I have sound reasons. I also realize there were sound reasons to choose the easy path. This isn’t a war of facts, but difference of opinions.

    36. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      2010? Have you watched that movie lately? It's brutally bad. It took everything that was beautiful and prescient and optimistic about 2001 and threw it in the trash. All of a sudden, we're back in the Cold War with spaceships that look grimier than the ones in Alien, and they make a rumbling noise as they fly through space. HAL has a keyboard and an 8-bit screen -- and they've apparently abandoned the technology, because the new ship doesn't even have one. Everyone is incompetent. They act like they've never had any training at all. The plot itself is stupid. That movie really should have never been made (and Clarke's sequel novels were even worse).

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
    37. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by PhrstBrn · · Score: 1

      No kidding they changed the tone, but I already touched on that subject before you brought it up.

    38. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      Then there was the whole thing about where Spock was waiting. Somewhere where Vulcan was visible in the sky?

      Somewhere close enough to Vulcan that you can see it clearly with the naked eye, but far enough away that it doesn't get drawn in and destroyed when Vulcan turns into a black hole...

      I think they made the whole "reboot" thing way too literal, and that IMO hurt the movie. The story doesn't really work the way it's told, "Nero goes back in time, changing history and that's why everything is different now" - it's just excess baggage that gets dragged around for the whole movie.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    39. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      I frankly wouldn't know one style of sword-fighting from another. But they did go out of their way in the dialogue to bring up fencing...

      Sulu: "Let me go on this awesome suicide mission. I'm trained in hand-to-hand combat."
      Kirk (later on): "What kind of hand-to-hand training did you have?"
      Sulu: "Fencing."

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    40. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by mrpolyrhythm · · Score: 1

      I agree. Have people FORGOTTEN Nemesis??? What, was that a masterpiece by comparison? There have been some utterly crappy Star Trek films that I can't bear watching again. The latest is not one of them. I agree with your ranking more or less. Wrath of Khan is still my top.

    41. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      I really enjoyed the Star Trek reboot. In my opinion, it was the the best of the Star Trek movies (but I was never a Trekkie) - yes, I know some people would hang me over that statement. I liked some of the original TV show and movies (as well as Enterprise) but as I said, my life didn't revolve around Star Trek. I just think the new movie was the best of the Star Trek films.

      I love the old Star Trek films, but a lot of them are kind of crap. I mean, there's a lot I like in those films but a lot that I think just went really painfully wrong, too. I love how "Star Trek: The (Slow-)Motion Picture" tried to give us a little 2001 vibe and put the crew against something so vast as to be almost incomprehensible - but it was the recycled "Nomad" story, with too much wanking over the (admittedly beautiful) new model, and various problems due to production time running out or whatever... Trek 2 was pretty solid but "super-intelligent" Khan couldn't read through the simplest of secret codes, and they copped out on Spock's death before they even got to the credits. Trek 3 was like Trek 2's leftover baggage getting resolved, Trek 4 was like a big series of self-deprecating jokes, Trek 5 was.. I don't know, just kind of painful, I thought. And Trek 6 had its strengths but also a lot of stupid stuff - and the crew was getting pretty long in the tooth by this point. "Generations" was kind of dull and a bit unfocused, broken up into a bunch of sub-plots like a TV episode, featured the unnecessary return and then re-death of Kirk, and then the Enterprise getting brought down by a Klingon BoP of all things... (With the same BoP footage they'd been reusing since Trek 3!) - though it's got some pretty nice Galaxy-class eye candy (if you can look past the 4-footer dressing applied to the 6-footer) First Contact couldn't decide which of two movies it really wanted to be, and lowered itself to some action movie catch phrase moments... Insurrection - I'd have to see it again. And Nemesis, I think it's fair to say it wanted to be another "Wrath of Khan" rather badly. A lot of motivations didn't seem to make any sense, and... more telepathic rape. Yay. It is impressive how Ron Perlman can throw himself into all these roles without need for much make-up, though.

      If the best one can say about Trek 2009 is that it's better than that sorry lot, then that's really unfortunate.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    42. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      Don't forget, this supernova was threatening the whole galaxy!

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    43. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Baron+von+Daren · · Score: 1

      Interestingly, what little plot there is in the reboot is strikingly close to Nemesis...Romulan underclass in big scary ship are heading to earth to destroy it.

    44. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by davewoods · · Score: 1

      You forgot Cave Story. One of the best action platformers I have ever played. I loved every minute of it.
      It is okay, I will attribute it to you being "Unable to compose yourself".

    45. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by mrmeval · · Score: 1

      Because it would just be a well written astroturf and /. gets enough of that. I have done so in the past due to fanboiitis but I got better. ;)

      I will state that there are good people doing ratings, they're not hard to find what is hard is weeding them out from astroturfing shills. It's like trying to find science in climatology.

      If I build up enough good authors I'll start a blog dedicated to what I've found. If I'm good enough you'll hear about it. If not I'll stay broke and unknown. I believe that individuals who do rate authors and books will become gateways for the public to find good authors but I can't see it paying nearly as much but it might make an individual a living. Time will tell.

      --
      I'd go on a Vegan diet but the delivery time from Vega is too long. --brownkitty
    46. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by IICV · · Score: 1

      Soooo... you're just going to let two authors you like languish, simply because you're afraid of being accused of astroturf in the depths of the comments on a post about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

      You have a really weird sense of ethics.

    47. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Ocker3 · · Score: 1

      Spock wasn't on a vacation, he was dumped there by Nero to eventually die of exposure or hunger/thirst after his planet blew up. Having resupply options (in fact any communication options) would have ruined the entire point of dumping him there to die.

    48. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Ocker3 · · Score: 1

      Kirk having to push Spock to get him to be made wasn't a moral dilemma? It needed to happen, but he had to have the courage to see it through and force an otherwise well-functioning Captain to excuse himself. Dealing with Nero wasn't a moral dilemma? He wasn't a horrible man all his life, he was twisted and ruined by the loss of his home planet.

    49. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by mrmeval · · Score: 1

      You're should review your logic and your use of strawmen. I don't give a fuck what some pedant on slashdot accuses me of. I don't feel promoting here is proper in this case. If you want to find them or ones of equal quality to you it's easy enough to go out and read a couple hundred free ebooks.

      --
      I'd go on a Vegan diet but the delivery time from Vega is too long. --brownkitty
    50. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      I never said he did. Scotty was the one who was complaining about supplies taking a long time to arrive, Kirk was the one marooned there with the expectation of being picked up at some point in the future.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    51. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      Actually, that's not too implausible. If the Earth became a black hole, it would have no impact on the orbital mechanics of the rest of the system. The total mass would remain the same, it would just be in something a lot smaller. Of course, a black hole that small would not be stable (maybe magic red matter changes this) and so would start evaporating as Hawking radiation, so it's not going to be too healthy to be very close to it...

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    52. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by Whorhay · · Score: 1

      No kidding! I actually watched the entire landing sequence because I kept expecting something to happen. But nope, just a slowly descending model of a space ship with dramatic background music. It was like one of those things you are supposed to stare at and then be startled when a screaming face flashes on the screen, but without the screaming face. And that scene stretched on for more than 5 minutes I think. If I had been watching it in the theatre I probably would have walked out.

      I read and enjoyed the book but the movie was horrible.

    53. Re:Just what Hollywood needs.... by JohnnyBGod · · Score: 1

      YES! I thought it was the only one. It's a beautifully shot movie, with very well designed sets, but a good movie it isn't. And that acid trip at the end felt like a big bird flip to the audience.

  5. And in other news by realityimpaired · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Michael Bay Signs $50m Deal to Fuck Up Thundercats.

    le sigh.

    1. Re:And in other news by jhoegl · · Score: 2

      The summary has it wrong, its not 86 minutes of explosions, its 86 minutes of panning around a lead character.

    2. Re:And in other news by strack · · Score: 2

      michael bay is conspiring to squeeze out a coiled turd over everything i watched on early morning cartoon shows as a kid.

    3. Re:And in other news by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      You know, that was all shit anyway. It's not like you had amazing taste as a kid, you just get blinded by nostalgia as a dipshit adult.

    4. Re:And in other news by chispito · · Score: 1, Informative

      5 Insightful? For linking to the Onion?

      --
      The Daddy casts sleep on the Baby. The Baby resists!
    5. Re:And in other news by Pseudonym+Authority · · Score: 5, Informative

      The `insightful' mod isn't because people think that it is a factual report, but that it is insightful that the Onion, a comical `news' source, basically predicted the article.

      Life imitates art, blah blah blah....

    6. Re:And in other news by spamdog · · Score: 1

      Hey if you want to meta-moderate, you know where the button is.

    7. Re:And in other news by Drgnkght · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Thundercats was awful. I'll admit I watched the show as a child. I even enjoyed it. A while back I had the misfortune of seeing it again on cable. My advice to the world is never watch 1980s cartoons as an adult. (Especially anything that had action figures!) Your brain will thank you.

    8. Re:And in other news by TapeCutter · · Score: 4, Funny

      It gets worse as you get older, I enjoyed Bill and Ben the flower pot men when I was a kid in the 60's. Looking at it now I can only assume my parents were slipping LSD into my cornflakes.

      --
      And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? - Pink Floyd.
    9. Re:And in other news by unitron · · Score: 1

      Truth is stranger than fiction. The Onion has had so many stories end up coming true over the years they are at risk of becoming a legit news source.

      True that.

      Just go read their early January 2000 article about the upcoming inauguration of G.W.Bush, entitled "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over", especially the part about using the military.

      --

      I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

    10. Re:And in other news by roothog · · Score: 1

      Just go read their early January 2000 article about the upcoming inauguration of G.W.Bush, entitled "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over", especially the part about using the military.

      Or their issue from the first week of September, 2000: "Terrorist extremely annoyed by delayed flight".

    11. Re:And in other news by Tim+C · · Score: 1

      Actually I suspect that at least some of that mod is because while Insightful gives karma, Funny doesn't, and some people care about that sort of thing.

      --
      It's official. Most of you are morons.
    12. Re:And in other news by xtracto · · Score: 1

      Hey, I've been re-watching X-Men and it is not that bad.

      --
      Ubuntu is an African word meaning 'I can't configure Debian'
    13. Re:And in other news by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      Oh, I don't know, it's still pretty funny

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    14. Re:And in other news by UnknownSoldier · · Score: 1

      shut your mouth =)

      "Gargolyes" may have had its share of problems but come on it wasn't THAT bad - certainly not as cheesy/silly (which I still like) as the original TMNT, Scooby Do, Transformers, or Inspector Gadget.

    15. Re:And in other news by realityimpaired · · Score: 1

      Remember Romper Room? She had a magic mirror that let her see things, and her best friend was named Do-Bee....

    16. Re:And in other news by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      Well then I guess you'll be disappointed to learn that Thundercats has already been remade.

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
    17. Re:And in other news by guises · · Score: 1

      Mostly true, but Exosquad remains... wait. Exosquad was 90s, wasn't it? So was Reboot. Hm.

      All right, here's an obscure one: Kid Video. It's definitely campy, but I watched a few episodes recently and was really surprised that I think I like it more now than I did back then.

    18. Re:And in other news by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      Hey, I've been re-watching X-Men and it is not that bad.

      The 1990s X-Men animated? I loved that show. When they showed the first episode, then left us waiting for like six months before showing us anything more, I watched the first episode over, and over again. Then when the series finally landed I gobbled it up. Well, I kind of got tired of it after a couple years, and lost touch.

      I rewatched the whole series recently. It was kind of painful, actually. Any time Gambit or Storm started talking, I immediately wanted them to shut up.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    19. Re:And in other news by shutdown+-p+now · · Score: 1

      Looking at it now I can only assume my parents were slipping LSD into my cornflakes.

      You mean, you can only hope - and pass it on to your kids. Just turn on TV and look at what they will be dealing with in 50 years!

    20. Re:And in other news by TapeCutter · · Score: 1

      I don't remeber romper room from my own childhood but my kids loved it almost as much as they loved the "hit me with a Sambot chip" ad.

      --
      And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? - Pink Floyd.
    21. Re:And in other news by JohnnyBGod · · Score: 1

      I'm kinda young for Thundercats, but having watched a couple of re-runs, the thing that sticks in my mind is how awful the animation was, standing in stark contrast to the animation on the opening credits, which was brilliant.

  6. Awful by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Hollywood hasn't had an original idea in over a decade. Still, as awful as this will be, it will make millions of dollars.

    1. Re:Awful by Grizzley9 · · Score: 1

      Hollywood hasn't had an original idea in over a decade

      I beg to differ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34x6m-ahGIo

    2. Re:Awful by MaWeiTao · · Score: 1

      That's just a lame rip off of countless bad vampire movies and Japanese anime and manga.

    3. Re:Awful by TheLink · · Score: 2

      Doesn't matter if there are no original ideas.

      The problem in this case Bay's "original idea" is changing the turtles to aliens. I'm not a fan but I don't see why it's necessary or beneficial to do so. Especially when the title itself has the word "Mutant" and "Turtles".

      The whole point of milking a franchise is to actually milk it. How does changing the foundation of the brand name help milk it more?

      That said if it actually does well then the fans and people are saying keep screwing me. I won't be surprised if that happens since G W Bush was re-elected.

      --
    4. Re:Awful by PaladinAlpha · · Score: 1

      Uh, based on a novel, sorry...

    5. Re:Awful by unitron · · Score: 1

      Really, if they're aliens from outer space, how can you tell if they're mutants or not?

      --

      I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

  7. Re:Bay needs to... by DurendalMac · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??

  8. "chill" AND "relax" by Rogerborg · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Did... did he just tell us to chillax?

    We've suspected it for years, but I think the trolling has just become completely overt.

    --
    If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
    1. Re:"chill" AND "relax" by sesshomaru · · Score: 1

      Mr. Freeze's Puns

      --
      "MIT betrayed all of its basic principles."
  9. Fuck him by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles = TANT

    As in, this dude is tainting my childhood memories!~

    1. Re:Fuck him by jamstar7 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Except they're not mutants, ninjas, OR turtles.

      Somehow 'Teenage Alien Martial-Arts Turtleoid Lifeforms' just doesn't have that snap to it.

      --
      Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
    2. Re:Fuck him by Ihmhi · · Score: 1

      That's as ridiculous as alien power rangers who, like, need water to restore their power or something. Because the original power rangers got turned into kids or some shit.

      --
      Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
    3. Re:Fuck him by banemc · · Score: 1

      Might work better as 'Teenage Alien Invader Ninja Turtles'....

      --
      >> Bane Macarbe "Take Chances" http://zombieomg.blogspot.com/
    4. Re:Fuck him by Plastic+Pencil · · Score: 1

      "TANT" - Exactly what I was thinking. It defeats the whole fucking point.

      Also, if they do have to be aliens, can they at least come from Mars, so no will go see it?

    5. Re:Fuck him by kungfugleek · · Score: 2

      You say TOMATO, I say TAMATL.

    6. Re:Fuck him by RussR42 · · Score: 1

      What about "teenage"? That's sort of a human specific thing. If they're aliens, maybe "adolescent" would be better...

    7. Re:Fuck him by jamstar7 · · Score: 1

      Good point.

      Immature Radioactive Samauri-like Slugs? Naw, been done before...

      --
      Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
  10. Justice must prevail. by oldhack · · Score: 5, Funny

    Everyone who paid to see Michael Bay's movie must pay extra 10% income tax.

    Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to child protection agencies.

    --
    Fuck systemd. Fuck Redhat. Fuck Soylent, too. Wait, scratch the last one.
    1. Re:Justice must prevail. by Nursie · · Score: 1

      I musn't have had enough coffee, I read it that 'Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to the child protein agencies'.

      Soylent green *is* ninja turtles....

  11. fans need to "chill" by chill · · Score: 4, Funny

    Done!

    --
    Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
    1. Re:fans need to "chill" by mooingyak · · Score: 1

      Sadly for you, he did not say fans need to be chill.

      --
      William of Ockham had no beard. The most likely explanation is that it was chewed off by squirrels every morning.
  12. An Analogy by Deathlizard · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Michael Bay is to 80's cartoons as Uwe Boll is to Videogames.

    --
    In Soviet Russia, Trojan exploits YOU!
    1. Re:An Analogy by Dr_Barnowl · · Score: 1

      A ruined and terrible form of life.

      Those movies make my brains hurt. I wanted to like them, just because I used to like Transformers in the 80s. But I can't, because they are so disorganized and shambolic that they fail to make a coherent plot form in my head.

      The rest is just marketing dollars. Marketing dollars will bring life to almost anything, until it has it's life support removed.

  13. Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by FarrisGoldstein · · Score: 3, Funny

    The latest: Shredder's not a Japanese gang leader, but a kitchen merchandizing mogul. Baxter Stockman is played by Vince "with the Slap Chop" Offer. You're gonna love his nuts.

    1. Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by MightyMartian · · Score: 4, Funny

      Actually, as much as I think Michael Bay is possibly the most inept and visually retarded filmmaker of all time, I'd probably watch it if Vince Offer was a major character.

      --
      The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
    2. Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by TheSpoom · · Score: 1

      Vince would make a natural Casey Jones, actually.

      --
      It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
      - E. Debs
    3. Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by MightyMartian · · Score: 1

      No, because I think despite his obvious lack of talent, Wood actually loved making films. His films are bad, but there's a sincerity to them. He had to know that he was never going to make it big, that even B film directors thought he was a joke, but he kept going not because of success, but despite a total lack of it.

      Bay, on the other hand, seems to me to be a cynical operator. He's got this demographic that is outrageously profitable, and he's just pushing the garbage at them as long as they'll take it. I can't get it myself. There's no care to them, no thoughtfulness, so sense that even if he is a shitty filmmaker that somewhere in his heart beats a little love for the cinema.

      We're talking about a guy who makes films where a long shot is what, 40 or 50 seconds? I mean, how does someone edit a film like Transformers 2 without suffering epileptic seizures? It's a lot of explosions, bangs, crashes, dialogue so wooden and awful that even George Lucas seems like Grade A scriptwriter. From even a strictly mechanics point of view, his films have scenes that are about as sensible as filming someone throwing paint at a wall and speeding it up four or five times.

      I know I know. I sound like one of those kinds of guys that don't get it, and you're right, I don't get it. I mean, I've seen my share of awful films, and even took part in bad film nights where you'd watch the kinds of movies that MST3K would eventually parody, but at least there was some notion of composition, of balance, of trying to make shots that made sense from even a geometrical point of view. I literally do not think Michael Bay actually knows how to make a film.

      --
      The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
    4. Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by dogmatixpsych · · Score: 1

      "as much as I think Michael Bay is possibly the most inept and visually retarded filmmaker of all time"

      That's giving so many other directors way too much credit (obvious example, Ewe Boll).

    5. Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by sharkey · · Score: 1

      Well, here's hoping there'll tongue-biting crack whores in the flick.

      --

      --
      "Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
    6. Re:Tonight I Dine On Doritos Soup by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      I would Like this comment if it was on Facebook.

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
  14. Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Kincaidia · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

    1. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by SalsaDoom · · Score: 5, Funny

      I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

      I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

      --
      "Computers will never truly be free until the last windows user is strangled with the entrails of the last mac user."
    2. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Ichijo · · Score: 4, Funny

      It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

      Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!

      --
      Any sufficiently unpopular but cohesive argument is indistinguishable from trolling.
    3. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Nidi62 · · Score: 1

      It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

      Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!

      So.....Titan AE? Even had all the backstabbing and multiple side switching and whatnot.

      --
      The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
    4. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Black+Parrot · · Score: 2

      It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

      Set the whole thing in space and have them speak Chinese as a second language, and I think you might have a winner!

      So.....Titan AE? Even had all the backstabbing and multiple side switching and whatnot.

      I thought it was a poke at Firefly.

      --
      Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
    5. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by ruiner13 · · Score: 1

      If you want to make alien kung-fucking-fu turtles, fine. Just don't call it something it isn't, you filthy fucking hack. Thanks for raping my childhood. Between Bumblebee peeing on a man, to this, I'd really like a way to sanction Bay's no-talent ass. FFS!

      --

      today is spelling optional day.

    6. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Kjella · · Score: 3, Funny

      I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

      <warning: disturbing mental image> Brokeback on the Seven Seas? </warning>

      --
      Live today, because you never know what tomorrow brings
    7. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Wireless+Joe · · Score: 1

      I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

      Lucky for you they maintain a healthy tour schedule.

    8. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by LordLucless · · Score: 4, Insightful

      You guys do know that Joss Whedon wrote Titan AE as well as Firefly don't you?

      --
      Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face
    9. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by sconeu · · Score: 1

      I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.

      I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

      What about Pirates and Indians?

      --
      General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
    10. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by larry+bagina · · Score: 1

      yep, sailing the sausage sea, as they say.

      --
      Do you even lift?

      These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

    11. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by LrdDimwit · · Score: 1

      It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates

      Go on, I'm listening.

    12. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Surt · · Score: 4, Funny

      I think that was called Peter Pan.

      --
      "Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
    13. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by nickersonm · · Score: 1

      Don't forget Alien: Resurrection, where Serenity's crew boards a space station to help mutant-Ripley kill the Aliens!

    14. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by LordLucless · · Score: 2

      No; please, let us forget Alien: Resurrection

      --
      Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face
    15. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by drinkypoo · · Score: 1

      I'm trying really hard to tell myself that it is all just bullshit, that they're just going to have nuclear space goo instead of just unspecified nuclear goo. I mean, we've got aliens in TMNT anyway, so that's not unreasonable.

      Let's hope I'm right, but I suspect I'm wrong

      --
      "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
    16. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by martin-boundary · · Score: 1
      Right...

      "I'm a ninja, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk. On the catwalk. Yeah. On the catwalk. Yeah."

    17. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by L4t3r4lu5 · · Score: 1

      I would go see Cowboys of the Caribbean.

      <warning: disturbing mental image> Brokeback on the Seven Seas? </warning>

      Or by it's original title, Captain Pugwash.

      (Yes, I know this is urban legend).

      --
      Finally had enough. Come see us over at https://soylentnews.org/
    18. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by Toze · · Score: 1

      "Rum, sodomy, and the lash." - Churchill on the British Navy.

      --
      No OS on the planet can protect itself from a user with the admin password. - Yvan256
    19. Re:Teenage _________ Ninja Turtles.... by davewoods · · Score: 1

      Ohh, I like it. Aliens show up on Earth for whatever reason, then leave one of their own to kill everyone (Shredder) meanwhile their alien spaceship drips alien space engine goop into the sewers... Where it lands on a rat (Splinter, previously owned by a kung-fu master, but the rat ran away into the sewer I guess?) and some turtles. The rat already knows how to fight so he teaches the turtles, and they avenge the death of yellow-wearing enthusiast news reporter April O'Neal!

      Wrap it up fellas, we got this one in the bag.

  15. Oh No! by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

    I was about to be really upset, until I remembered that pretty much every other TMNT film or TV series has been pretty terrible too. Maybe the original comics were good, but TMNT is one of the few things I doubt even Michael Bay can make any worse. Plus, it's been 5 years since the last remake, so it definitely needs a new one.

    Personally, I'm looking forward to Michael Bay's series of Jane Austen movies. Pride and Prejudice just isn't complete without the alien invasion subplot.

    --
    I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    1. Re:Oh No! by CastrTroy · · Score: 4, Informative

      There's always Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

      --

      Anthropic principle: We see the universe the way it is because if it were different we would not be here to see it.
    2. Re:Oh No! by nomadic · · Score: 1

      The original TMNT black and white comics were good. But not great, and not really what I would characterize as classics.

    3. Re:Oh No! by TheRaven64 · · Score: 3, Interesting

      I've read it, but sadly the additions didn't live up to the quality of the rest. I laughed a lot while reading it, but mostly during the parts that were in the original. The dojo scene with Lady Catherine was entertaining, but most of the other new parts just left me wanting to skip on to the end of them. It seemed like a waste of a good concept. I keep meaning to pick up some of the others in the series and see if they were better executed.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
  16. This is news? by wanzeo · · Score: 1

    If you didn't know that Michael Bay films are visceral extravaganzas that do not bother with substance, I just told you, so now you do. If you are worried about him ruining our beloved turtles, I doubt future generations will look to a 2012 blockbuster to understand a 1980s cartoon.

    Complaining about bad art is like complaining that the ipad is not user serviceable.

    1. Re:This is news? by wanzeo · · Score: 5, Funny

      Reply to self:

      After some quick wikipedia, I realize that the cartoon I grew up loving in the late 80s was actually ripped from a comic book series I have never read. So I guess I prove my OP wrong. Some 12 year old kid could go see this movie, and it would forever represent the ninja turtles in their mind. Oh god, where is the art police when you need them?

    2. Re:This is news? by PRMan · · Score: 2

      And the comic is actually pretty good...

      --
      Peter predicted that you would "deliberately forget" creation 2000 years ago...
    3. Re:This is news? by MightyMartian · · Score: 4, Insightful

      The Palladium roleplaying game was pretty awesome too

      --
      The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
    4. Re:This is news? by keytoe · · Score: 2

      The Palladium roleplaying game was pretty awesome too

      Completely agreed on that one.

      It was GURPS based, so somewhat interchangeable with other systems. Not exactly a hard core RPG since it was pretty easy to cheese out an overpowered character, but my group found it a refreshing change of pace to our long running D&D campaign.

      You could slap together a hack and slash, come up with some crazy mutations and skills for your new characters and charge through in a night. Half the fun was rolling characters, so we tended to run one-off scenarios.

      Also, the comics are edgy and fun - more so than the cartoon.

      --

      Culture is more than commerce

    5. Re:This is news? by keytoe · · Score: 1

      GURPS and Palladium are two completely different systems and had nothing to do with each other.

      Of course, you're right. I was pulling from memory, and they were similar enough movements (i.e., unified rules across multiple games) at the time that I munged them together. Perhaps it was all the Car Wars and Illuminati side adventures.

      All said and done, I'd take Steve Jackson and Palladium back in a heartbeat. Have they seen what's going on over on kickstarter, do you think?

      --

      Culture is more than commerce

  17. TMNT: Mostly Sucks by busyqth · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics. Unfortunately I am old enough to have read them when they first appeared, but they were good.

    1. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by hairyfeet · · Score: 5, Insightful

      But who thinks this is a GOOD idea? anyone? Bueller? I am starting to think that some of these "geniuses" are nothing but VERY lucky hacks. take George Lucas, did you know he wanted to make Indy 3 in a haunted house? or make C3P0 a slimy used car salesman in the original Star Wars? Or that Luke's original name was something like "Rex Starkiller"? I have a feeling these guys are just hacks that luck out in they get people to work with them that take the one or two good germs of ideas they have and get rid of all the schlock and shape it into something good. Problem is when Lucas became rich and famous he got rid of those that said 'That's a fucking stupid idea George" and replaced them with yes men and then you get The Phantom Menace.

      While I'm sure most here have seen them for the few that haven't watch the the Plinkett reviews and pay close attention to the looks on the faces of those around him during the behind the scenes. George will come up with some lame idea and they just smile or let out a really half ass fake laugh and you can see if you look at their eyes they are thinking "WTF? why isn't anyone saying anything? this is a joke, right? Are we being punked?" but nobody has the balls to say anything. I bet Bay is the same way, I bet he could announce that 'Here is the setup, the TMNT are created when Donald Trump gets exposed to radioactive lettuce which gives him a MASSIVE case of the runs and the shit travels through the pipes (which we'll follow with 3D camera work) where it lands in a sewer pipe on some pet store turtles that were flushed down a different crapper, its brilliant!" and everyone gets a queasy look and goes "Wow, that is a great idea Michael, you're the best!"

      --
      ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
    2. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by NotQuiteReal · · Score: 4, Insightful

      It's no skin off my nose.

      As long as no one straight jackets me and props my eyes open to watch it, I am OK with the fact that it might exist.

      It would suck to live in a world where someone could say "no" to economic activity for non-objective reasons... oh, maybe we are too late.

      --
      This issue is a bit more complicated than you think.
    3. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by F34nor · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken

    4. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by GaratNW · · Score: 3, Insightful

      It is idiocy as only someone like Michael Bay can imagine. Take a brand that has endured as long as it has, even if it's never had huge commercial success with the prime time market, and fuck it in the posterior so no new fans like it, and all the old fans want to nerd-rage murder him. This is brilliant.

      I'm so angry right now, I'm molting. I would wish an aneurysm on him, but frankly, he's clearly already brain dead.

    5. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by jjp9999 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Problem is when Lucas became rich and famous he got rid of those that said 'That's a fucking stupid idea George" and replaced them with yes men and then you get The Phantom Menace.

      * cue slow clap.

    6. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me — has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people." H.L. Mecken

      There have been other stories on Slashdot where this quote would be pithy and appropriate, but here - man, we're talking about people getting their panties in a bunch over CARTOON TURTLES!

      I'm not planning to go see this movie, but - CARTOON TURTLES!

      --
      #DeleteChrome
    7. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Cazekiel · · Score: 1

      Holla. The creators were from my area. They had a museum dedicated to them in Northampton, MA that we'd go to. I remember when the cartoon aired during a week of school-break; I loved it so much that I cried when they stopped it after just ONE week, but died of happiness when it returned. Now... this. :P

      --
      You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin
    8. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Moryath · · Score: 4, Insightful

      The Michael Bay formula, explained.

      Step 1: Take franchise with loyal following.
      Step 2: Shit all over it.
      Step 3: Add CGI explosions.

      Bonus points if you make the camera work so fucking terrible (Transformers 2 is a great example of this) that NOBODY HAS ANY FUCKING CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON in anything resembling an action sequence.

    9. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by ozmanjusri · · Score: 1, Insightful

      But who thinks this is a GOOD idea? anyone?

      I do.

      At least if he's busy raping the turtles, he won't be thinking about molesting Firefly.

      --
      "I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."
    10. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by SteveFoerster · · Score: 3, Funny

      OMG! Ponies!

      Not far off, actually....

      --
      Space game using normal deck of cards: http://BattleCards.org
    11. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by SomePgmr · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Obviously he didn't live long enough to see what happened to Disney, and their brutal, $200 million loss on John Carter.

      http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2012/03/20/bloomberg_articlesM15FX36JTSE801-M1793.DTL

    12. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by petsounds · · Score: 1

      Yup, agreed. Eastman and Laird sold out a LONNNNG time ago, with the cartoon and then the films. I suppose most people don't realize that the original comics took themselves fairly seriously considering the characters and the universe. The art style was B&W, gritty and really quite nice. The original Turtles were tongue-in-cheek, but not brainless slapstick as the cartoon turned them into. TL;DR = original comics were for adults, cartoon/films = for kids. I can't blame E&L for cashing in, but they have very little artistic integrity.

      As an aside, there was a pen & paper gameset based on the TMNT universe of the comics in the late 80s which I remember being surprisingly quite good.

    13. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by yakumo.unr · · Score: 1

      I think they were the same ones that were turned into the full colour graphic novel set that I had, they were great until about the 4th or 5th one.
      The foot soldiers were people not robots, and using swords and daggers on them had obviously graphic results... they were not exactly little kids comics.

    14. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by blahplusplus · · Score: 2

      "The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics."

      And the videogames! I spent hours in the arcade and console playing that multiplayer. :P

    15. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by meerling · · Score: 1

      Aliens?!? I guess Shredder will now be a Certified Public Accountant armed with a clipboard and a team of crack bureaucrats.

      Come on, I don't care what it is, you don't trash the defining characteristics of a recognizable franchise.

    16. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by AgNO3 · · Score: 3, Funny

      I'M SORRY ESCORT WAGON, but really this is slashdot. If you aren't interested in being upset by things that like this then you have no place here. I bet you don't even live your parents basement do you? The Irony being that Slashdoitters (spelled like that on purpose) are usually complaining that they should be able to do what they want with IP. I guess unless its Turtles or Star Wars.

      --
      OMG Ponies!!! with Glitter!!!! I miss Pink :-(
    17. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Keep buying Apple products and we'll be there in no time.

    18. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Dahamma · · Score: 5, Funny

      You must not have watched many Michael Bay movies.

      If you had, you'd understand that they don't just affect those watching, but have ripple effects that have been slowly eroding the fabric of space/time as we know it.

    19. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by rolfwind · · Score: 1

      Everybody comes up with stupid ideas once in a while, the true geniuses in entertainment just know not to publish them as a finished product and preferably that they never see the light of day at all. Although the more I read about Lucas, the more I know he wasn't the force behind the series. Idk if I can lump in with Shamalamadingdong, but as these guys grow older, like Michael Bay here, they kinda have fizzled out and then take existing products and try to add a "cool" or "exciting" twist to them, usually "for the kids". Kinda like 101 flavors ice cream, at the end of the day you're still eating just ice cream no matter how you dress it up or how many artificial flavors you douse it with... it won't be a pizza or something different.

      But I think that's the problem when we grow older. Human interactions, what movies always focus on even when it's animated, can be terribly limiting (at least to my mind) and I get the sense that we "seen it all" already and grow very cynical because we have, we recognize the ultimately small variations of the same thing time and again. That's kinda why I grow more interested in reading about science every year and the technicals because those "stories" doesn't have the oft-repeated constraints or patterns humans have.

    20. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Xtifr · · Score: 1

      "Never had huge commercial success"? The gawdawful cartoon, which completely ruined the comic, was totally huge in its day. All the "cool kids" had TMNT lunchboxes.

      And things only went downhill from there. Pretty much every subsequent version was even worse than the original cartoon. I find it hard to imagine that there's anything left to ruin. I mean, maybe, if we were talking Uwe Boll....

    21. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by blahplusplus · · Score: 1

      "I'm not planning to go see this movie, but - CARTOON TURTLES!"

      How is this different from being disappointed by starwars prequels or mass effect 3's ending? or ME2's horrible plot?

      Criticism of ME3's ending
      http://www.gamefront.com/mass-effect-3-ending-hatred-5-reasons-the-fans-are-right/

      Criticism of ME2's plot
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR558wTjOUU

    22. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by alchemy101 · · Score: 1

      This (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_Forever) to me was fantastic, great to watch the original B&W incarnations with the ones that I grew up with.

    23. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by AgNO3 · · Score: 1

      Yeah because when an artist who has spent his whole life SELLING his work sells it again. They are now a whore? You must hate Rubens and Picasso and Botticelli and that one dude that basically made art for the Medici even though he hated them, Michelangelo. What a sell out. He only did it for the money. :-/

      --
      OMG Ponies!!! with Glitter!!!! I miss Pink :-(
    24. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by petsounds · · Score: 1

      Maybe you need to read my comment again. They "sold out" by severely compromising characters, story, tone, art style, et al. I have no problem with someone benefiting financially from their work. Look at Scott Pilgrim -- O'Malley did really well off of the movie license, but he also made sure the spirit of the characters and story was kept intact. By contrast, it was obvious that E&L saw dollar signs and let other people run amok with the series. The turtles' namesakes took their art seriously; E&L just wanted the loot.

    25. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Which seems to be the point.

    26. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by hairyfeet · · Score: 1

      But you are missing the point, Bay puts out schlock, schlock makes an assload of money, next year we are ass deep in schlock and any movie with a brain is screwed because it doesn't look like Bay schlock. Its like how we were practically buried for a time in what i call "Yo dudebro, guns" movies. The ones were the trailers always start off 'In a world', such as 'In a world without law, one man with bigger muscles and even bigger guns will tip the scales'. Try watching this review as it will help you to understand.

      --
      ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
    27. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by sdnoob · · Score: 1

      i couldn't even get through T2 and thought the first was mostly a waste of time (mainly watched it to see what the fuss was about with megan fox.... answer: not a whole lot).

      haven't seen the others, nor most of bay's other films.. his first three were good though (bad boys, the rock, armageddon), but when he got in to producing remakes, it all went to shit.

      i knew there was a comic series that started it all, but i first remember the first tv series and the early movies. tmnt was very popular among friends.. catchphrases included. i wasn't what you'd call a fan (i'd watch it if it was on but wouldn't go out of my way) but it was infinitely better than power rangers (which was also popular back then)

      i don't consider this to be a reboot with a change this significant.. just a total fuck up.

    28. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      Transformers 2 is a great example of this

      I quite enjoyed Transformers 2. The trick is to watch it just after the Robot Chicken sketch, so in your head you have a voiceover shouting 'Michael Bay: Explosions!' throughout the whole thing. That said, unlike the first and third ones in the series, I honestly couldn't tell you what happened in it. Except baysplosions!

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    29. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      There is a difference between selling your art and selling the brand to go on someone else's tangentially related creation. Michelangelo may have hated the Medici, but he didn't let them direct his style. He even snuck some quite subtle jibes directed at them into the paintings that they commissioned. It's not like he took a big pile of money for someone to publish a book of pornographic etchings by someone else with the title 'Michelangelo's David'...

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    30. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by dogmatixpsych · · Score: 1

      Some of his movies are pretty good. I'll admit that I thought The Island was pretty good and almost thought-provoking. There are many worse movies out there and worse directors.

    31. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by marsu_k · · Score: 1

      his first three were good though (bad boys, the rock, armageddon)

      Sorry, I don't know what you are smoking but evidently it's some good shit. Bad boys and The rock, maybe, but Armageddon, seriously? That is the film equivalent of lobotomy - you either need one to enjoy it, or watching it will give you one.

    32. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by GameboyRMH · · Score: 1

      Yeah I really can't care enough about the original TMNT story to be upset about this. It was a half-assed backstory to a cheesy kids' cartoon. The only way this will meaningfully alter anything is that the turtles wouldn't have grown up on Earth, but that's easy enough to gloss over in a mindless Baysplosionfest.

      --
      "When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
    33. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by jduhls · · Score: 1

      had to: hipster.

    34. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      The only thought provoking part of The Island is how Michael Bay thought he could get away with ripping of The Clonus Horror practically verbatim.

    35. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by necro81 · · Score: 1

      anyone? Bueller?

      In unrelated news, Matthew Brodderick turns 50 today. Considering I remember seeing Ferris Bueller when I was a kid, this makes me feel really old.

    36. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by ravenscar · · Score: 1

      I'm sorry, I had to disregard everything you said after you referred to Transformers 2 as T2. T2 is Terminator 2. I find it sad that the last two Terminator movies were bad enough that the brand was diluted to the point of people using T2 to describe a crappy Michael Bay flick.

    37. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Asic+Eng · · Score: 1

      Well then make sure you are not going to give him any money. If you feel you just *have* to watch it, then at least pirate it. In this case that's the only moral thing to do (apart from not watching it at all). If you do end up giving him money, well then you deserve what you get.

    38. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by hairyfeet · · Score: 1

      You forgot

      Step 4: Make sure you put plenty of military wank in it

      Se...well I'd say transformers 3 but pretty much anything Bay does if he can squeeze in some muscle bound dudebros in camo he is sooo going for it. I have to agree with Movie Bob over at Zero Punctuation that Bay likes to dry hump the Pentagon WAY too damned much.

      --
      ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
    39. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by squidflakes · · Score: 1

      We're talking about Michael Bay. He's 1% Perspiration 99% Masturbation.

    40. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by squidflakes · · Score: 1

      That was such a shame too. The John Carter stories were no-nonsense action adventure three-fisted tales of ass kicking and name taking and Disney STILL managed to fuck them all to hell and gone.

      My only regret is that I paid $30 for two tickets and stayed up till 3am to catch the movie on Thursday night/Friday morning in IMAX.

    41. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by geekoid · · Score: 1

      ME3's ending was stunning and brilliant. Sadly, it seems gamers have lost the ability to think about what's going on. By and large, the complaints can be boiled down to " You didn't explain everything to me in simple terms."

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    42. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by geekoid · · Score: 1

      Incorrect. Yes, certain types of movies become more popular for a time, but that doesn't NOT mean some thought provoking epic tale that fits what ever the hell you find acceptable would have been made anyways.

      Bunch of pretension self absorbed twits. "It's good, but I feel bad admitting that." What kind of crap is that?

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    43. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by thetoadwarrior · · Score: 1

      Nope, the cartoons were good for what they were. There's no need to be a TMNT hipster.

    44. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Anubis+IV · · Score: 1

      I realized years ago that George Lucas has always been the way he is today. The difference is that 20 and 30 years ago he had peers who were willing to say "no" when he had bad ideas. He's basically a fire hose that's spitting out ideas constantly, some of which are genuinely decent, but most of which are mediocre to bad, and he needs someone who can put a filter on it. He had people that could do that with the original Star Wars trilogy. And then he and Spielberg were able to play off each other for Indiana Jones.

      I blame Indy 4 on Spielberg finally breaking down and acquiescing to Lucas' repeated requests to make it, rather than standing his ground and refusing as he had been for years, and I blame the prequel trilogy on no one willing to stand up and tell him it sucks. Even so, it has elements of a plot and set of stories that could have been interesting and entertaining, but it needed to be distilled down to its core and then shored up with details from someone else, rather than Lucas providing everything himself.

    45. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Plastic+Pencil · · Score: 1

      Yeah, while the greatly vary in quality, the first 5 episodes are still pretty damn awesome. They hacked the shit out of the foot-robots in those. Later on they were censored down to mostly throwing them into walls.

    46. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by SlippyToad · · Score: 1

      but Armageddon, seriously?

      Armageddon was the essence of every shitty, bad-ass action movie ever made distilled into a package that was no fun whatsoever. The characters were fucking CARDBOARD. Every place the characters went fucking EXPLODED. I hated every second of that movie and will bitterly resent being required to watch it every again.

      --
      One day I feel I'm ahead of the wheel / the next it's rolling over me / I can get back on / I can get back on
    47. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by crazyjj · · Score: 1

      4. Drive home in your Lamborghini to sleep on a pile of money with many beautiful women.

      --
      What political party do you join when you don't like Bible-thumpers *or* hippies?
    48. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by jeffmeden · · Score: 1

      The Michael Bay formula, explained.

      Step 1: Take franchise with loyal following.
      Step 2: Shit all over it.
      Step 3: Add CGI explosions.

      Bonus points if you make the camera work so fucking terrible (Transformers 2 is a great example of this) that NOBODY HAS ANY FUCKING CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON in anything resembling an action sequence.

      You mean in those action sequences you aren't supposed to close your eyes and picture Optimus Prime punching decepticon after decepticon, in his blue and red hand colored glory? Some of you actually watched it? What was it like?

    49. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Culture20 · · Score: 1

      The most recent TMNT cartoon series was quite good, and very close to the original comic book story (with less killing). It even ended with a hilarious movie where they teamed up with the 80's cartoon Turtles to find the original b&w TMNT (who derided both colorized groups for having non-red masks), then a nod to Eastman & Laird to say goodbye.

    50. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by tlhIngan · · Score: 1

      Keep buying Apple products and we'll be there in no time.

      Given Bay has been actively seen with an iPad in hand during shooting, I'm guessing he's putting the capabilities of the new iPad to test...

    51. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by eugene+ts+wong · · Score: 1

      First, Michael Bay came for Transformers, but I did not speak out, because Transformers is for fanbois. Next, Michael Bay came for G.I. Joe, but I did not speak out, because G.I. Joe is for gays. Then they came TMNT, but there is nobody to speak out, because I am the only fan.

      --
      testing out my trending skills
    52. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Culture20 · · Score: 1

      Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Other Strangeness was the RPG. Published by Palladium. It suffered from the standard Palladium character creation process and XP leveling, but was tempered by the BIO-E character generation portion. Once your character was made, it was a fun game to play. Transdimensional TMNT had one of the few workable time travel mechanisms for RPG (where the GM didn't have to be prescient). And After the Bomb and its series we're interesting (especially for time traveling characters). FYI, after Palladium lost the rights to TMNT, they kept the After the Bomb line and expanded on it, including species detriments that gain you extra BIO-E (dogs can keep color blindness, cows can keep prey-eyes, etc)

    53. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by kanto · · Score: 1

      I loved the original B&W comics, but it was after I had seen the later stuff. I wouldn't bury the 2007 released TMNT-film though; decent CGI with a lot of nice scenes (the fight in the rain on the rooftop, the scramble in the kitchen with "black betty"-remake playing), it's almost true to the origins.

    54. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Asmodae · · Score: 1

      I'm so angry right now, I'm molting.

      Did you seriously just quote Disney's Aladdin in the same breath as talking/raging about Michael Bay's rebooting of a beloved and classic tale?

    55. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by PhxBlue · · Score: 2

      * cue slow clap.

      Oh, good, that's still working. [/GLaDOS]

      --
      !#@%*)anks for hanging up the phone, dear.
    56. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by edmicman · · Score: 1

      But isn't that the point, that having grown up on Earth they go through the things other kids go through and enjoy the things other teenagers enjoy? I assume it was something kids could relate to, and in addition they were ninjas. Who doesn't like ninjas!

      If they're aliens why the hell would they enjoy Earth pizza and skateboarding and surfing and whatnot?

    57. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by GameboyRMH · · Score: 1

      Exactly, but according to Bay-ian theory I'm sure it will be because they enjoyed space pizza and space skateboarding and space surfing which are pretty much the same thing, and then they'll quickly move on from the discussion with a dick/fart joke.

      --
      "When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
    58. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Xtifr · · Score: 1

      Ah, haven't seen that one. Nevertheless, it stands, if anything, as evidence that Bay's efforts will not--nay cannot--ruin TMNT. If the first, hugely-popular, utterly-commercialized cartoon series didn't ruin it, I think it's safe to say that nothing will.

    59. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      You forgot

      Step 4: Make sure you put plenty of military wank in it

      Se...well I'd say transformers 3 but pretty much anything Bay does if he can squeeze in some muscle bound dudebros in camo he is sooo going for it. I have to agree with Movie Bob over at Zero Punctuation that Bay likes to dry hump the Pentagon WAY too damned much.

      It's the price you pay for having F-22's in your picture.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    60. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      That's fine, if you're ok with women loving your money and not you.

      They can love the money, as long as it's me they have sex with.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    61. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      Ah, haven't seen that one. Nevertheless, it stands, if anything, as evidence that Bay's efforts will not--nay cannot--ruin TMNT. If the first, hugely-popular, utterly-commercialized cartoon series didn't ruin it, I think it's safe to say that nothing will.

      Hah, good point. :)

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    62. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Culture20 · · Score: 1

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles#Second_animated_series_.282003.E2.80.932009.29

    63. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      I think you need to take a step back.

      First of all, you're getting angry over a cartoon about turtles that have become ninjas.

      Secondly, you haven't even seen what he is proposing. So he changes their origin? big fucking deal. Get over it.

      Well, if they're aliens instead of mutants doesn't that make it TANT? Or is it Teenage Mutant Alien Ninja Turtles (TMANT)?

      I think the origin thing I could handle. The bigger issue is Bay himself. After what he did with Transformers I don't want to watch another of his movies.

      And, let's be fair - a lot of people enjoyed Bay Transformers. Just, I didn't. By all rights I should have, Transformers (the franchise, I mean) is awesome. But after the first one I was unwilling to see either of the sequels in the theaters. If they show up on Netflix, maybe then I'll watch 'em - assuming I can find some time to watch it alone, so I don't have to subject my wife to it...

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    64. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by hairyfeet · · Score: 1

      Where EXACTLY did you see myself or anyone in this thread say that "It's good, but I feel bad admitting that" or anything similar? And I'm sorry but it DOES ruin entire genres because like the iPhone the corps only look at "how much it can be like a Bay movie" instead of "Is this good action? A good story? IS it sellable?" PLEASE watch the review I linked to because what you are using is the exact. same. excuse that he answers in the video, the "Dude, everything doesn't have to be art, I just want to turn my brain off and watch robots fight" and he answers that by pointing out all the different ways that it fails in even this simple task of making a robot fighting movie by suddenly having a bunch of dudebros that haven't been seen EVER before and who the audience don't give a shit about suddenly show up and take over. As he put it it would be like in the third act of Dark Knight suddenly the marines show up and say "Yo Batman, step aside bro and let the REAL heroes handle it".

      In the end its insulting, the story is crap,and even the supposed "stars" of the movie and the whole damned reason anybody goes to see a fucking transformers movie is shoved off stage for most of the fights so bay can dry hump the pentagon with more propaganda "rah rah US military!" bullshit. You can make a GOOD dumb action movie and you can make an absolute shite on a moldy roll action movie and Bay's tripe is firmly in the latter. Hell I'd put him right up there with Lucas on giving the audience the finger and refusing to even give the audience what they came for, which in the case of TF3 is robots beating the shit out of each other. want a good movie with robots fighting watch Real Steel, its actually good.

      --
      ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
    65. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by MrKettlePot · · Score: 1

      IANAL but generally speaking, i think when hollywood buys the rights to the movie they can pretty much do whatever horrible plot and story mangling they want. Unless you could get it written into the contract, the film option is just a right to the copyright you sell off and the artist doesn't really have control over the product.

    66. Re:TMNT: Mostly Sucks by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      As you say, it depends on the contract. You can write a clause giving you final editorial say on the screenplay - it's not entirely uncommon. You may be offered less money than if you don't require this, of course...

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
  18. Teenage _____ Ninja _____ by mosb1000 · · Score: 1

    Bear in mind that they aren't turtles either. And for all we know they aren't Teenagers or Ninjas. So it might be Normal Adult Fighting Aliens or something like that.

    1. Re:Teenage _____ Ninja _____ by cvas · · Score: 1

      So, Teenage Extraterrestrial Ninja...Aliens? With a maybe on the Teenage and Ninja part.

      Wait, do they come to Earth and study Ninjutsu or did they know it beforehand? Why would aliens have something called Ninjutsu?

      And this alien planet also has a 2nd sentient species that looks like rats, or is Splinter from here? If they are capable of interstellar travel why are they using swords and nunchaku?

      I'd usually suggest we wait for a script or at least actual plot details but this is Bay, the script will just be drawings of things blowing up and pages from a Victoria's Secret catalog.

      Screw it, bring on the explosions!!!

    2. Re:Teenage _____ Ninja _____ by niftydude · · Score: 1
      Definitely maybe on the teenage part - It is incredibly unlikely that an alien race would mature at the same rate we would - so doubtful that if the aliens are adolescents they would also be teenagers. So not teenage, not mutants, not trained in ancient japanese fighting styles so not ninjas, and not turtles. Just another incredibly naked attempt to leverage an unrelated movie off an existing brand name.

      I'd usually suggest we wait for a script or at least actual plot details but this is Bay, the script will just be drawings of things blowing up and pages from a Victoria's Secret catalog.

      Screw it, bring on the explosions!!!

      Hang on, the explosions are the part you are interested in? I beg to disagree. Bring on the Victoria's Secret models!

      --
      You can never know everything, and part of what you do know will always be wrong. Perhaps even the most important part.
    3. Re:Teenage _____ Ninja _____ by aurelianito · · Score: 1

      I'd usually suggest we wait for a script or at least actual plot details but this is Bay, the script will just be drawings of things blowing up and pages from a Victoria's Secret catalog.

      Screw it, bring on the explosions!!!

      Hang on, the explosions are the part you are interested in? I beg to disagree. Bring on the Victoria's Secret models!

      Just bring both! Long live to Bay!

  19. Chill because everyone else will see it anyway by Gothmolly · · Score: 1

    He's not making it for the fans, he's making it in order to merchandise to younger kids, and when the movie opens, it's a place for teenagers to go to make out. He's not making it for the TMNT Fans, all 12 of them are living in their mom's basement with no spending power.

    --
    I want to delete my account but Slashdot doesn't allow it.
  20. Michael Bay takes a shit, sets it on fire by gelfling · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Calls it Transformers 4.

    1. Re:Michael Bay takes a shit, sets it on fire by QuasiSteve · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I think you meant...
      1. Michael Bay takes a shit
      2. Sets it on fire
      3. Calls it Transformers 4
      4. ???
      5. Profit. Mad, mad profit.

      Transformers 1 - budget: $150M, worldwide gross: $710M
      Transformers 2 - budget: $200M, worldwide gross: $836M
      Transformers 3 - budget: $195M, worldwide gross: $1123M

      The only reason he gets away with this stuff is because he's bringing in umpteen millions on his films so far.

      He may flop entirely with TMNT and consequently be pulled from ThunderCats, though. Hollywood can be fickle like that. But then they'll just find somebody else to screw that up :)

    2. Re:Michael Bay takes a shit, sets it on fire by glassware · · Score: 1

      They made three transformers movies???

      I only saw the first one; it was awesome and had Orson Welles in it. Who knew they could still afford Japanese animators and Nelson Shin after all these years?

    3. Re:Michael Bay takes a shit, sets it on fire by davewoods · · Score: 1

      This comment has so much win. I really hope it was intentional.

  21. Re:Yes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases.

    Yet we are for some reason not free to express our displeasure?

  22. TANT? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    TANT? Sounds suspiciously close to "taint", which is what Mr. Bay seems to do to all of my beloved childhood TV shows.

  23. New theme would need some work... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    So... Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Unless they are proud warriors who have grown to full maturity, and its not a joyride to earth... Then its Adult Alien Ninja Turtles! But wait! If they are not mutated from turtles, then they are not turtles. So maybe Adult Alien Ninja Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings! But if they learned their martial arts on another planet, then its only Ninja-esq... So the new theme is
     
      "Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
      Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
    Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
      Heroes in a Half Shell,
      Alien power!
     
    They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (From Another World!)
    They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
    When the evil Shredder attacks
      These Aliens for some reason focusing on one small local crime lord when they have interplanetary travel don't cut him no slack!
     
    (Refrain)
     
      Just doesn't have the same ring as it used to...

    1. Re:New theme would need some work... by sharkey · · Score: 1

      Bet Bay turns it into Teenage Alien International Ninja Turtles. I'm sure people will be lining up to see some TAINT!

      --

      --
      "Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
  24. Re:Bay needs to... by b0r0din · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??

    I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it's because deep down most people have self-esteem issues and when they were in high school the only boys who approached them were the confident ones who 'negged' them and provided a level of mental abuse that they tolerated and even found attractive. And they never recovered from it.

    Add the regular rejection of Hollywood and it just gets even worse.

  25. Correction... by R3d+M3rcury · · Score: 2

    No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to rape people's childhoods.

    FTFY.

  26. Bay, You need to Chill by adosch · · Score: 1

    WTF is it with Hollywood becoming the most unoriginal and rising as the pinnacle of butchery lately with re-makes, re-takes and spin-offs of original shows or movies? Who gives a hell what Bay's writers are doing to add complexity to the TMNT; it'll be a complete massacre, and in the end, Vanilla Ice can hold his head a little higher since this TMNT production will take his place on the suck-it-all podium in TMNT II: Secret of the Ooze.

    1. Re:Bay, You need to Chill by NoMaster · · Score: 1

      WTF is it with Hollywood becoming the most unoriginal and rising as the pinnacle of butchery lately with re-makes, re-takes and spin-offs of original shows or movies?

      Ummm... how long exactly have you been asleep, Rumplestiltskin?

      --
      What part of "a well regulated militia" do you not understand?
  27. and then there's his next project by Walt+Dismal · · Score: 5, Funny

    Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:

    "Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.

    Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"

    1. Re:and then there's his next project by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Which Wizard of Oz film? The 1910 film, the 1925 remake or the 1939 flop version. Yes, the 1939 version flopped at the cinema at the time but with re-releases they made their money back. Who knows Michael Bay might make a classic film. Flying pigs/monkeys are more likely but you never know.

    2. Re:and then there's his next project by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 1

      Meh, Oz has already had gritty remakes so many times...Wicked, Tin Man...

    3. Re:and then there's his next project by Walt+Dismal · · Score: 1

      Dear Michael;

      I call it "TransOzinators". Script is ready to go. Have your girl call my girl and let's take a meeting. I see box office boffo here. I already have a treatment for the sequel ready. "Revenge of WW". Lots of explosions and product placements. Also, my girlfriend would make a perfect replacement for Meg.

      Sincerely,

      W. S. Shakespeare, Esq.

  28. TAINT by NIK282000 · · Score: 1

    Coming in IMAX 3D this summer, Micheal Bay's TAINT! Teenage Alien Invader Ninja Turtles!

    --
    Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all
  29. Well, cool. by roc97007 · · Score: 2

    Michael Bay is single-handedly improving the economy, at least for me, by populating the theaters with movies I have no wish to see.

    --
    Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
  30. Aliens? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Did we learn nothing from Indiana Jones?

  31. Re:Bay needs to... by hal2814 · · Score: 2

    We'll see no more Megan Fox ass. He's too busy showing us the Teenage Alien Intelligence Ninja Turtles.

  32. Re:YOU chill the fuck out. by viperidaenz · · Score: 1

    .... so don't watch it?

  33. "Fans need to chill" by Len · · Score: 1

    > Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."

    Fans need to ignore Michael Bay and his movies entirely. I've never seen one of Bay's movies, he has never "ruined" anything for me, and I am perfectly content.

  34. Re:Bay needs to... by cpu6502 · · Score: 1

    Is it as big as Jessica Simpson's ass? ;-)

    --
    My AC stalker: " I personally agree with your posts most of the time, but that won't keep me from modding you troll"
  35. I can't wait for his remake of... by readandburn · · Score: 4, Funny

    My Dinner With Andre. In 3-D.

    1. Re:I can't wait for his remake of... by CaptainLugnuts · · Score: 1

      A crossover with Mortal Kombat?

    2. Re:I can't wait for his remake of... by aHauke · · Score: 1

      Nor his remake of "Highlander", I'm sure it'll... oh wait... ...nevermind.

      --
      It doesn't matter how much high explosive is used; A pig will just never achieve aerodynamic stability.
  36. Re:It can be called TAINT by viperidaenz · · Score: 1

    Teenage Artificially Intelligent Ninja Turtles

    That'd be cooler, they could have a chip implanted in their brain to increase their intelligence...

  37. Re:Yes by Dogtanian · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases.

    Yet we are for some reason not free to express our displeasure?

    Amen. I wasn't- and amn't- a major TMHT (*) fan (**), so I'm not massively upset personally. However, variants of the following stupid argument pop up on Slashdot all the time, namely that "it's a free market / free world therefore they're within their rights to do what they want with their thing / run their company how they like and you're free to not buy it and therefore you're not entitled to complain about it."

    All but the last bit in bold may be arguably legitimate- and standard- but for some reason people around here seem to think that because there's a free market and people have the right to make a free choice then they have no right to complain.

    Wrong. If "Fanboy Electronic Fashions" makes something I dislike or conducts their business in a manner I disagree with, yes, I don't have to buy it or do business with them (just as they're not obligated to pander to me). This fact *does not* disqualify me from criticising them anyway- whether I choose to buy their stuff or not- nor does it entitle them to protection from criticism. If I don't like the "uPhone" then "you don't have to buy it" doesn't stop me from criticising it, or encouraging others not to buy it- in fact, to believe otherwise pretty much implies you dislike free criticism of products (plus people who *had* bought it could similarly be dismissed with "well, you bought it anyway").

    (*) Teenage Mutant *Hero* Turtles, yes, I live in Britain and we got the BBC-approved title ;-)

    (**) Probably due to being just a bit too old for the cartoon when it first came out (early to mid teens), though I knew people in my class at school who liked it.

    --
    "Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
  38. You know by Weaselmancer · · Score: 3, Insightful

    You know, I honestly don't give a crap about TMNT. Not at all. Never a fan. But this STILL MAKES ME SEETHE.

    Why the fuck can't Hollywood EVER GET ANYTHING RIGHT, EVER?

    It's like Bryan Singer admitting he never read comic books as a kid. So what do they do? Give him the X Men franchise to direct. Great thinking, guys. That's exactly what you want. Directors who never read the source material. Pilots that never read a flight manual. Doctors that never read a book on physiology. Truck drivers that never read the drivers code, driving on the wrong side of the streets. Perfect. And it's not uncommon. Same goes for Tim Burton, which perfectly explains Edward Bathands.

    But this time, I have to be impressed though. This time, the ignorance of Hollywood rings true a clear as a bell. You know right at the outset that this is going to absolutely suck. Some people like Mr. Singer and Mr. Burton admit to not knowing the source material. Mr. Bay has basically admitted that he hasn't even read the fucking title. Because it's Mutant turtles, not Alien turtles as others have correctly noted. A new low, even for Hollywood.

    Why the fuck do they keep hiring these people? A total fucking stranger they pick randomly off the streets could do better. They certainly couldn't know less about the topic. You can only go up.

    --
    Weaselmancer
    rediculous.
    1. Re:You know by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      It worked for Battlestar Galactica. "OMG they're going to have a female Starbuck!"

    2. Re:You know by pjtp · · Score: 2

      Why the fuck do they keep hiring these people?

      Because they make money. That is all the film studios care about. They don't give a shit about the source material, they just want to use the brand name to make money.

      While you and I rage about Hollywood making endless piles of shit, there are a whole pile of people out there who just don't give a fuck and will spend money on this utter shite. Hell, they will spend a premium just to watch it in 3D!

      I wish there were a way to educate those people, but they're proven time and time again that they can't be educated.

    3. Re:You know by camperdave · · Score: 1

      Well, there was that scene where the batplane comes up out of the clouds, silhouettes the moon, and then drops back down. Whatever else you can say about them, Burton's films all have a certain visual richness to them.

      --
      When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
    4. Re:You know by martin-boundary · · Score: 1

      Did it? I still liked Dirk Benedict better.

    5. Re:You know by dogmatixpsych · · Score: 1

      Maybe they still mutate. Maybe they are mutant aliens. Maybe they mutated into turtle-looking creatures. Alien and mutant are not mutually exclusive.

    6. Re:You know by TemporalBeing · · Score: 1

      May be they're turtles from the Battlestar Galactica caught in some radioactive slime that survived a crashed landing on Earth, the 13th colony, when they finally made it?

      Yeah, the basic story could still stand while changing the circumstances of how it occurred or why. It might make it more believable in the process. (The original turtles in radioactive goo never made much sense to me.)

      --
      Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away. - Elvis Presley (source: imdb.com)
    7. Re:You know by Beyond_GoodandEvil · · Score: 1

      It's like Bryan Singer admitting he never read comic books as a kid. [inspirationalstories.com] So what do they do? Give him the X Men franchise to direct. Great thinking, guys
      As compared to the steaming cow pie that Ratner turned Xmen 3 into I'm not sure Singer should be blamed for the Xmen franchise's failings.

      --
      I laughed at the weak who considered themselves good because they lacked claws.
  39. Re:Bay needs to... by rampant+mac · · Score: 5, Funny

    "but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass."

    She's obviously way below your standards, with her sharp knees and all. We can't all be lucky enough like you to have had Natalie Portman pour hot grits into our underwear.

    --
    I like big butts and I cannot lie.
  40. Re:Who cares? by Nidi62 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Everyone seems to be freaking out about this. But who cares? Anyone under 25 doesn't know what TMNT is and anyone over 25 doesn't give a shit, because it's fucking TMNT and we're fucking adults.

    I'm the submitter, and I care. Coincidentally, I am 25 :)

    --
    The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
  41. I love not being a fan... by Karmashock · · Score: 1

    I'm watching all these franchises getting raped and it's nice that i don't actually care about any of them.

    Never liked the smurfs.
    Never really liked transformers.
    Never liked TMNT.
    Never really gave a damn about starwars. Empire strikes back was awesome but the rest I could care less about.
    I did like Indiana jones but I just liked them... I'm not a "fan."

    Anyway... It's nice not caring. I am sorta of a startrek fan so it was nice that they did that some justice. But beyond that it can all go to hell.

    --
    I've decided to stop wasting my time responding to AC trolls/sockpuppets... so if you want a response from me... login.
    1. Re:I love not being a fan... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      I'm watching all these franchises getting raped and it's nice that i don't actually care about any of them.

      Never liked the smurfs.
      Never really liked transformers.
      Never liked TMNT.
      Never really gave a damn about starwars. Empire strikes back was awesome but the rest I could care less about.
      I did like Indiana jones but I just liked them... I'm not a "fan."

      Anyway... It's nice not caring. I am sorta of a startrek fan so it was nice that they did that some justice. But beyond that it can all go to hell.

      First they came for the smurfs, but I said nothing...

      Then they came for the Transformers, but I said nothing...

      Next they came for TMNT, but I said noting...

      Finally they came for my beloved childhood franchise... you know the rest

  42. Adolescent Radioactive Blackbelt Hamsters by linatux · · Score: 1

    were much better anyway

    1. Re:Adolescent Radioactive Blackbelt Hamsters by foniksonik · · Score: 1

      I preferred Geriatric Jujitsu Gerbils myself (look it up, was a real title :).

      --
      A fool throws a stone into a well and a thousand sages can not remove it.
  43. Chill? by Georules · · Score: 1

    I'll show him some "chill" in liquid nitrogen.

  44. Re:It can be called TAINT by CaptainLugnuts · · Score: 1

    My daughter reads the "Hammy the Wonder Hamster" series of books, they use a similar plot device. She's six and has just about outgrown the stories.

  45. Planet Zeist? by danbuter · · Score: 1

    I hope they are from the planet Zeist, and they are enemies of weirdoes in bird costumes.

  46. Eh, WWII, turtles, whatevz. by Cazekiel · · Score: 1

    If he could fool half the nation into thinking that 'Pearl Harbor' had one of the nurses die for dramatic effect (not one nurse got killed, something the group had a lot of pride in), the planes were designed to handle the tricked-out moves they made and Ben Affleck could act, he can turn fictional turtles biblical.

    But if anyone badmouths Josh Hartnett, I'll crush them into a fine powder. Because I love him.

    --
    You want to know how to help your kids? LEAVE THEM THE F*&K ALONE. --George Carlin
  47. "Loveable?" by Camaro · · Score: 1

    Do is this going to be the Teenage Mutant Alien Carebears?

  48. Check the letters.... by TavisJohn · · Score: 1

    So this will turn TMNT into TANT...

    Just add an "I" and it will describe this movie!

  49. That's not true! That's impossible! by jjp9999 · · Score: 1

    Nnnnooooooooooooo!!!!

  50. Definition of "Edgy" by hey! · · Score: 1

    Edgy (adj.): 1) bearing a superficial resemblance to creative without being so; 2) desperately gimmicky 3) displaying contempt for an audience's intelligence or taste, 4) produced by someone who isn't interesting in storytelling but who can describe a story in a way attractive to someone who has money and isn't interested in storytelling either.

    --
    Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
    1. Re:Definition of "Edgy" by sesshomaru · · Score: 1

      Poochie Rap

      --
      "MIT betrayed all of its basic principles."
  51. Re:Bay needs to... by MaWeiTao · · Score: 3, Insightful

    The real reason is society at large. The problems facing actresses are no different than the average girl. The key differences are that, a) actresses are pushed even more aggressively into conforming to a certain aesthetic; and b) the have the income to be able to act on it.

    The guys in high school were douchebags and as such their mentality easily dismissed. The problem is that they were equally affect by social norms and thus were simply repeating what society at large expects of these girls.

    Hence the expectation that women should look like surgically augmented toothpicks. The real problems are always a lot more subtle than people believe.

  52. So they're.... what, exactly? by mark-t · · Score: 1
    Aliens... so they're not turtles.

    They might be mutated... but how would we know?

    Teenagers? Well... the point of the original was that they acted like teens, although I expect their chronological age could have been significantly different. What would alien teenagers act like? Would the audience even identify them as teenagers? If they behaved like earth teenagers, where did they pick up that behaviour pattern from, exactly?

    Ninjas. Okay... that's one.

    So instead of 'TMNT', they just are 'N'.

    I'm not sure whether to be disgusted with Bay for being so mindbogglingly dense or just simply stunned at the sheer ludicrousness of the idea.

    --
    File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
    1. Re:So they're.... what, exactly? by Hentes · · Score: 1

      So what, Superman and Justice League also had aliens in them, it's just a comic about mutant ninja turtles it1s not like aliens will make it any weirder.

  53. irony by tverbeek · · Score: 1

    The cartoon that most of y'all think of as the original, canonical TMNT bears little resemblance to the sarcastic parody comics that Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird first produced in the 1980s, so I have a difficult time empathizing with your distress over this latest permutation on the concept. Of course it's idiotic and disrespectful of the previous treatment. What did you expect?

    --
    http://alternatives.rzero.com/
    1. Re:irony by p0p0 · · Score: 1

      Yes, we can all talk in big, condescending words and completely ignore that the cartoon series is universally considered cannon and the comic only ran a few issues. But we don't and we won't.

    2. Re:irony by tverbeek · · Score: 1

      When tweens start to get a little too old to be amused by silly little stories like the Turtles, they occupy their increasingly complex brains by embracing the concepts of "canon" and "continuity", enabling them to continue watching those silly little stories and appreciate them on a different level. That's a good thing. Show me a kid who can tell us the basic plot of any named episode, and who has arguments with his friends about whether Donatello or Michelangelo has beaten Shredder more times, and I'll show you a smart 12-year-old with functioning social skills.

      But most people grow out of that. They recognize that the Turtles cartoon is just a bunch of silly stories for children, produced by a corporation who wants to make money selling them toys and crappy food. Their brains are ready for the understanding that canon continuity is just as silly a concept as the stories themselves... something for 12-year-olds instead of 6-year-olds. So when someone comes along and creates something that doesn't fit that continuity... they shrug and accept it. It doesn't mean they have to like it. No one's forcing you to go see a Turtles movie that doesn't look entertaining to you. But the notion that there's the Eastman-Laird Turtles, the Saturday-morning cartoon Turtles, the previous live-action feature film Turtles, and now this high-explosion film about alien Turtles, and that they contradict each other, and some are better than others... shouldn't be threatening to you.

      --
      http://alternatives.rzero.com/
  54. Re:Yes by Oligonicella · · Score: 1

    Which leaves me free to call you chickenshit because you posted AC. It's more of a recursive loop.

  55. Michael Bay has no need to worry... by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 1

    I will just get out my old Eastman & Laird collection and, indeed, chill. He can rest assured that I will not be stirring myself to buy tickets to his movie.

  56. who cares by Misanthropy · · Score: 1

    Man, people really get worked up over shitty cartoons from their childhood created to sell toys.
    Did I watch some ninja turtles as a kid? Yes
    Was it good? Not particularly
    Do I care the least bit that Michael Bay is going to turn it into a CGI shitfest? Not really

    Bay sucks. His movies suck. But I don't really care what he does with ninja turtles

  57. Remake TMNT As Aliens? by idbeholda · · Score: 2

    I would think Ridley Scott has the final say in that.

  58. Re:It can be called TAINT by viperidaenz · · Score: 1

    My two year old son watches Frog and Friends. They use a similar character - a talking frog. It doesn't hold my attention, does that mean I should discount all future entertainment that features a talking amphibian?

  59. Death of the film industry. by MaWeiTao · · Score: 1

    Of course all this would end overnight if consumers just stopped watching these damn movies. But of course no one will because most people don't care, and amongst those that do many will watch anyway. The term "consumer" is quite appropriate. People are like ravenous locusts the way they devour any shred of entertainment dropped in front of them.

    I largely stopped watching movies several years ago. It wasn't a conscious decision; it was a number of things that slowly turned me off. Predictable, contrived stories, poor writing, endless plot holes and the like. One of the bigger problems is just how calculating the industry is. There's all the bandwagon jumping, milking popular trends and focus group testing. Movies are selected for their ability to generate income. That they have any message to deliver is incidental, used as a selling point and nothing more.

  60. Which Planet? by dark+grep · · Score: 1

    No doubt they will come from the planet 'Kawabunga' where the staple diet is fruit from the Pizza tree.

    I guess they also had to be raised from birth totally immersed in Earth's Gen Y culture. Or does their own planet, through some incredibly coincidence somehow have the exact same culture?

    If you ask me, making them aliens is a totally piss weak cop out and a total failure of imagination on the part of the film maker.

  61. Re:Who else was hoping for a Batman style rebirth? by bug_hunter · · Score: 1

    I still say this movie will be TMNT3, i.e. suck no matter what age you're at. I don't think it'll quite be TMNT Live Action Christmas Special at least.

    Personally I don't mind the aliens so much as the fact that Bay is directing it. Chances are he wants to go with aliens because he had an idea about aliens that he couldn't work into Transformers. It's not like if Bay kept them as mutants it would be a great movie, it would still be a Bay movie.
    (though at least we can all still love The Rock)

    --
    It's turtles all the way down.
  62. What the... by ionymous · · Score: 1

    shell!

  63. Super Bowl is Next by geoffrobinson · · Score: 1

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR3vNwhL__k

    --
    Except for ending slavery, the Nazis, communism, & securing American independence, war has never solved anything.
  64. I didn't say it, but i still think it's true by Daetrin · · Score: 2

    From Topless Robot: "Okay, I'm getting a little pedantic here, but the fact remains that by making the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aliens, Bay is needlessly changing one of the core components of the series -- one of their three fundamental adjectives, one might say -- for no discernible reason or benefit whatsoever. You know, I used to think that Bay was just an immensely successful idiot, but honestly, now I think he's our nerd satan. Here we are, enjoying Game of Thrones and the Avengers movie and unparalleled nerd art and prestige, and Bay is the Anti-Nerd, the serpent in our paradise, the one who will stop at nothing until all nerd goodness is ruined with aliens and pissing and balls and humping dogs and steaming piles of shit. Seriously, Michael Bay is the Nerd Devil"

    --
    This Space Intentionally Left Blank
  65. Re:Bay needs to... by masmullin · · Score: 2

    Im glad you feel this way... One less competitor for that sweet sweet rump.

  66. About the only way this could work... by Jason+Levine · · Score: 1

    About the only way I could see this working within the TMNT mythos would be if the "ooze" that turns the Turtles into human-sized, talking, ninja-capable creatures was from some crashed alien ship. Something along the lines of: Alien ship crashes, government transports strange substance to secret lab in New York City, canister falls off truck into sewer, canister breaks open oozing slime onto turtles, turtles mutate into TMNT. Therefore, the turtles would be part-alien in a manner of speaking.

    Of course, I fully expect Michael Bay to turn them into alien creatures who came to Earth to have huge fights with plenty of explosions, half-naked women, and tons of TMNT fans screaming in horror.

    --
    My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
    1. Re:About the only way this could work... by ErikZ · · Score: 1

      The ooze was from the Interdenominational Aliens.

      I forget if it was an end product or a byproduct of the company they were running though.

      --
      Democrats or Republicans. They are both taking us to the same place and they are not afraid of us anymore.
    2. Re:About the only way this could work... by unitron · · Score: 1

      About the only way I could see this working within the TMNT mythos would be if the "ooze" that turns the Turtles into human-sized, talking, ninja-capable creatures was from some crashed alien ship. Something along the lines of: Alien ship crashes, government transports strange substance to secret lab in New York City, canister falls off truck into sewer, canister breaks open oozing slime onto turtles, turtles mutate into TMNT. Therefore, the turtles would be part-alien in a manner of speaking...

      So basically Issue #1 of almost every Marvel comic book in the '60s?

      --

      I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

  67. Oh heavens by RyoShin · · Score: 1

    Michael Bay makes me miss Uwe Boll.

    HOW.

    1. Re:Oh heavens by cornface · · Score: 1

      If you gave Uwe Boll the kind of money and backing that gets thrown at Michael Bay, they would be essentially the same person.

      Kurt Sutter is basically the same guy, too.

  68. T.M.N.T.? More like by Nos9 · · Score: 1

    Teenage Alien Intelligence Ninja Turtles.

      So we'll all know whose it is we are doomed to view.

  69. Re:Next thing you'll know,... by KingAlanI · · Score: 1

    finally something that should explode

    --
    I listen to both RIAA and non-RIAA stuff if I like the music, tangential business/politics nonwithstanding.
  70. Thanks! by RedHat+Rocky · · Score: 1

    Thanks for this!

    Make sure to NOT see this movie, check!
    Skip any movie associated with Michael Bay, check!
    Keep my money away from Hollywood idiots, check!

    --
    Anything is possible given time and money.
  71. There is no God. by the_greywolf · · Score: 1

    And if there is, he's trying to kill us off.

    --
    grey wolf
    LET FORTRAN DIE!
    1. Re:There is no God. by dlingman · · Score: 1

      So far, the attempts to kill us off are working fairly well, although one lucky bugger managed to hide herself for 122 years.

  72. Chill, it's a reboot. by frovingslosh · · Score: 5, Insightful

    weren't you here for the Startrek reboot? That what reboot means, take something that people like and totally screw it up for your own ego trip. That way you can make a totally mediocre movie and still expect good box office take from the fanboys that go just because of the name.

    --
    I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
    1. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Xtifr · · Score: 1

      Yes, but this had already been ruined by the time it first appeared on Saturday Morning TV. Star Trek actually managed to survive that experience. TMNT have been ruined permanently since the '80s, and nothing Michael Bey can do can possibly make it worse.

    2. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by unitron · · Score: 1

      You're forgetting one thing, Star Trek was good..

      Yes, it was, and then about 3 years ago someone made Star Trek 90210, which, if there had never been any version of Star Trek ever before, even if Gene Roddenbury had never been born, would still be a terrible movie.

      --

      I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

    3. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Guspaz · · Score: 4, Insightful

      The problem is that the Star Trek reboot was still taking place in space, with space ships, on a trek, if you will...

      If you take Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and make them aliens instead, you kind of just ditched half the title right there; they're no longer mutants, or turtles. For that matter, they may not qualify as teenagers, and can an alien really be a ninja?

      If you take TMNT and change enough so that none of those letters can apply anymore, is it still TMNT?

    4. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by martin-boundary · · Score: 4, Funny

      Good question. Arthur C. Clarke wrote 'any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic'. You're basically asking does 'any sufficiently alien being is indistinguishable from a teenage mutant ninja turtle' hold? Is TMNT only in the eye of the beholder?

    5. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by AmiMoJo · · Score: 1

      I'll take your word for it, my retina burned out after the first five minutes.

      --
      const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
      SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
    6. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Confusador · · Score: 1

      Ninjas are universal.
      1 out of 4 still doesn't cut it, though.

    7. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by DaScribbler · · Score: 1

      If you take Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and make them aliens instead, you kind of just ditched half the title right there; they're no longer mutants, or turtles. For that matter, they may not qualify as teenagers, and can an alien really be a ninja?

      Oh I dunno... I think alien spoors that have been spliced into infant turtles, and spend the next 13-17 years growing and training as ninjas, would fit the TMNT name.

    8. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Kelbear · · Score: 1

      Let's not get carried away. While Star Trek has had awesome stories, and been a great source of inspiration for decades, it has also shoveled out crap like this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhQA-06kSLU&feature=related

      As a fan of star trek, I watch these episodes and just laugh these scenes off. New audiences going to see the new star trek movie would not respond so kindly to Star Trek's fondness for periodically flying up it's own ass with their plot lines and themes. They did a good job of turning the franchise into something watchable, and ensuring that it will still have a future. After getting all the set-up out of the way in the first movie of the reboot, they have room to expand and develop more thoughtful material in subsequent iterations and manifestations.

    9. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Culture20 · · Score: 1

      They were martial artists trained in the ways of stealth and assassination for the express purpose of vengeance for the death of Hamato Yoshi. Sound like ninja to me.

    10. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by painandgreed · · Score: 1

      If you take Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and make them aliens instead, you kind of just ditched half the title right there; they're no longer mutants, or turtles. For that matter, they may not qualify as teenagers, and can an alien really be a ninja?

      They have long dealt with this sort of issue in the X-Men comics. The standard explanation is that they are aliens, but they are mutants of their own alien race, usually in lacking the race's usual homicidal tendencies. Thus Warlock and Broo can end up being in the X-Men because, although they are an alien race, they still end up being 'mutants'. So the turtles will still end up being teenagers and mutants, and such will probably be why they are forced to live on Earth by their alien race.

    11. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      You're forgetting one thing, Star Trek was good..

      No, it really wasn't. Almost every Star Trek movie ever has been deeply flawed, admittedly, but I don't consider the Abrams movie to be any kind of exception.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    12. Re:Chill, it's a reboot. by Whorhay · · Score: 2

      Technically, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were never actually Ninjas. As we should all know from biology class, turtles are not mammals. And one of the few established facts about ninjas is that they are mammals.

      Source: www.realultimatepower.net

  73. Re:Bay needs to... by misexistentialist · · Score: 2, Informative

    Someone getting paid millions of dollars should damn well look ideal. If there is a problem with society it's the conservatism that keeps grannies like Megan Fox around instead of giving new talent a chance to fulfill their potential.

  74. are you fucking kidding? by kramerd · · Score: 1

    I grew up with TMNT, such that the game, bomb level and all, making it more difficult than battletoads (having beaten both games, I can claim this with sincerity), is still a better representation than aliens.

    It's turtles covered with ooze. Period. Fuck Michael Bay. Should this absurd idea come to fruition (turtle aliens, really?), count this as not even bothering to "pirate," because the idea is offensive.

  75. Aliens Vs TMNT by Vegan+Cyclist · · Score: 1

    I got excited when i glanced at the headline! Ooops..

  76. teenage MUTANT ninja turtles by Eightbitgnosis · · Score: 1

    Unless they're mutants on their alien planet they can't really be the Teenage "Mutant" Ninja Turtles, now can they?

    It's like they wrote a movie that had nothing to do with TMNT, and then just stuck the old name on it anyways

  77. Fans need to "chill" by sesshomaru · · Score: 1

    Hmm... when he said that was he imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze from that wonderful Batman and Robin film?

    Batman and Robin -Trailer

    Because if this movie is half as good as that one... I expect we'll be talking about it for years....

    --
    "MIT betrayed all of its basic principles."
  78. Re:Who cares? by foniksonik · · Score: 2

    I'm 34 and TMNT was a Darkhorse Comic by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. It was black and white ink and the titles were fucked up psychopaths out for revenge (and pizza, granted). They cussed up and down, cut down anyone in their path and lay waste to entire rooms of people with blood spray like a Kill Bill movie.

    Then they cashed out to Archie and I stopped caring.

    --
    A fool throws a stone into a well and a thousand sages can not remove it.
  79. Re:Bay needs to... by CAIMLAS · · Score: 1

    She's obviously way below your standards,

    Yes. I don't care how nice her tits are or how well she does certain things. If she's a bitch, I won't even let her make me a sandwich.

    --
    ~/ssh slashdot.org ssh: connect to host slashdot.org port 22: too many beers
  80. Translated: Step Aside Kids, Adults Seeking $$$ by cmholm · · Score: 1

    Does it really matter, in the grander scheme of living culture, if Mr. Bay 'reboots' TNT such that it has little in common with the original concept? No. I thought the original Dark Knight Batman movie wasn't bad, for instance. But, after a while, it just gets a little old when film makers can't even be bothered to dish out enough originality to at least do a mash up of previous concepts (eg. Star Wars). It's merely another example of how when it comes to culture, efficiencies of scale aren't. When there aren't even a handful of film studios anymore (speaking of the US), then there are only a (handful * N) opportunities to make a film.

    If there were a couple handfuls of studios, there'd be (2 * handful * N) opportunities, and some of them would be forced to find new material, because all of the obvious sources would have been worked over long ago. Would the budgets be as big? Prolly not, and it wouldn't matter, because we're currently seeing a very inefficient use of capital.

    But, if I knew anything, I'd be rich, eh? Pffft! Here, Bay, I'll throw you a freebie: Stranger In A Strange Land where instead of Valentine Michael Smith from Mars, we get Osama Bin Liden from Yemen. He still gets shot in the end, but causes a whole lot more trouble in the meantime.

    --
    Luke, help me take this mask off ... Just for once, let me butterfly kiss you with my own eyes.
    1. Re:Translated: Step Aside Kids, Adults Seeking $$$ by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 1

      Prolly not, and it wouldn't matter, because we're currently seeing a very inefficient use of capital.

      Exactly. One of my favorite SF films is still "Primer" which cost less than $10K, and has a time travel story the film's creator had to flow chart on his web site before many people could unravel it. ;-) "Chronicle" was another neat film and cost a relatively paltry $15 million.

      I actually enjoyed John Carter as a straight up action film, but, holy cow, where did the $250 million go? I thought CGI effects and sets were supposed to give us epic scales at independent film budgets? I hope it wasn't the marketing, because the ad campaign was one of the worst I've seen in a while for a big budget film. When amateurs are posting better re-cut trailers for your film on YouTube, you've got a problem.

  81. I love Michael Bay by mwvdlee · · Score: 1

    I love Michael Bay.
    Whenever he's kind enough to put his name on a movie poster, I'm sufficiently warned not to go see it ever.
    Saved me quite a bit on money and introduced me to some great movies by different directors.
    Keep doing what you are doing, mr. Bay, and make sure you market all your movies as "Michael Bay's Whatever-it's-called".

    --
    Slashdot social media options: AIM, ICQ, Yahoo, Jabber and Mobile Text. Why no MySpace?
  82. From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by master_p · · Score: 3, Informative

    TOS was an exceptionally good scifi series, when it comes to televised scifi. In 1966, when computers at home, mobile telephony, tablets, etc were unheard of, and when most of the world did not even have television, there comes a show that;

    -shows people working on computer screens, by touching them.
    -have mobile communicators.
    -people work on a computer network
    -computer accepting voice commands

    Let's also not forget warp drive, teleportation, antigravity, and the first ever interracial kiss on TV.

    That was groundbreaking, wasn't it?

    Fast forward 40 years later, and much of what ST showed has been implemented in one form or another. We have networked computers, mobile computers, communicators, tablets, and interacial relationships are aplenty every day on TV.

    So, what this new movie offers us over the old one, from a scifi perspective? nothing at all.

    Not only that, but as an action movie, it is rather lame. The plot holes are as big as Kirk's ego, and all the consistence the old universe had had gone out of the window.

    To me, that means one thing only: it was a bad movie.

    Did it make a huge profit? yes, it did. But that does not mean anything. The movie audience has been brainwashed with so many bad movies the last 20 years, that they do not know what a good movie is any more. They will watch any shit thrown at them, if they get their entertainment fix. The general audience watches Big Brother, America's Most Wanted and every MTV teenage trash series. For them, STXI may have been even intellectual, but that does not mean it was a good film.

    1. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by PhrstBrn · · Score: 1

      As I already said, the new Star Trek is an action movie, and not a sci-fi movie. I truly believe that today, there is absolutely no way they could have made a good sci-fi movie that could appeal to movie goers, as I've explained in a post below, nor do I think that they would have appeased the hardcore Trek fans either who wanted a strict 1 for 1 remake of TOS.

      Honestly, the only way they could appeal to die hard TOS fans who wanted a strict remake would have been not to make the movie at all. Which if that's your opinion, I guess that's fine, but be honest and come out and just flat out say that you don't want to see any more Star Trek.

      When was the last time you've seen a good strict sci-fi movie in the theaters? It's probably been at least 20 years, for the exact reasons you've already pointed out. Honestly, what would you do with the series?

    2. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by TheRaven64 · · Score: 3, Informative

      A few other things that were groundbreaking in Star Trek:

      • A (black!) female officer as a member of the bridge crew.
      • A Russian officer, at the height of the cold war (okay, a lot of the writers used him as comic relief, but even so...)
      • An intelligent asian who was an expert in a European sword fighting style (asian actors at the time were mostly comic relief, eastern martial artists - as Sulu was in the 2009 film, or other stereotypes in US TV)

      It wasn't just portraying technical developments in the future, it was portraying social changes. In the 2009 films, Sulu fought with a katana in a Japanese style, Kirk was a frat boy, Spock was a geek, and, aside from the space ships, it could easily have been set in the USA today.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    3. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Moon (2009)

    4. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by digitalsolo · · Score: 1

      While I liked the film as a stand alone movie, I completely agree with your points here, and it is a shame that the movie didn't do anything to push some of society's convention, which is really what Star Trek (TOS anyway) was really about. Even the later ones (TNG and DS9) had episodes dealing with somewhat deep subjects from time to time (DS9 "In The Pale Moonlight" comes to mind as an example). I do not see a good reason, beyond "it's hard" that they could not have kept some of that alive in the 2009 movie.

      As an action movie, it was above average. As a Star Trek film, eh. My wife likes it, which is not a good sign for a science fiction film.

      --
      Just another ignorant American.
    5. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      Man, people go apeshit on the whole "Sulu was a sword fighter" thing. There was exactly one (1) episode where Sulu expresses an interest in fencing as a hobby. Then he gets wasted and chases some crewmembers around with a sword. Nobody ever said he was an "expert," and the sword fighting was never used as a plot device in any other story. He never actually fought anybody with a sword, even though plenty of stories had opportunities for him to do so.

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
    6. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      There is another episode where some dialog mentions that Sulu is off competing in a fencing tournament.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    7. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by Tetsujin · · Score: 1

      Moon (2009)

      I hate to admit it, because this kind of weakens the argument that one can make a good sci-fi movie work in theaters...

      But I never heard of that movie.

      --
      Bow-ties are cool.
    8. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by Kelbear · · Score: 1

      It's a pretty good movie, I second the recommendation.

      I also recommend that you do not do any kind of research into this movie, and watch it cold. It's a better experience with no spoilers from trailers and the like.

    9. Re:From a scifi perspective, STXI sucked. by PCM2 · · Score: 1

      Bullshit. Pics or it didn't happen.

      --
      Breakfast served all day!
  83. I remember by hesaigo999ca · · Score: 1

    I used to watch TMNT when I was younger, when it first came out, and always thought it a great story.
    I enjoyed them, but now they are taking that story and changing it, they will have to change the name too, ...as they are no longer TMNT but more like TANT.
    This is what is wrong with Hollywood today.....they just want to make a buck with everything, but when it comes to real stuff that matters....
    wont touch it with a 10 foot pole...

  84. Re:Bay needs to... by lxs · · Score: 1

    Not in a Michael Bay movie.

  85. Let me guess... by chinton · · Score: 2

    They're from the planet Zeist.

  86. Re:Yes by Asic+Eng · · Score: 1

    Apart from that: many companies would prefer to hear complaints rather than customers just no longer buying their stuff. Because if you know what your customers dislike you can do something to fix it. Not all companies operate like that, but quite a few do.

  87. Totally Radical and Tubular Dude! by DarthVain · · Score: 1

    OK 3 things:

    1) After mentioning "tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable" they couldn't throw in a "Radical", "Bodacious", or "Tubular", for shame.
    2) Reminds me of the Simpsons when the make a new toon for itchy and scratchy called "Poochy". Though I believe even he was "in your face", "edgy", as well as "Radical"
    3) Have you seen "TMNT: The Movie"? It was fscking HORRIBLE. If this is a reboot, it is a VERY low bar to exceed. I have no doubt that Bay can make a better movie. Hell just about anyone could.

    Besides, samurai mutants might be a little "too soon" after fukushima... Aliens might be a bit more consumable.

  88. Re:Who cares? by skasingularity · · Score: 1

    I was just thinking about how 25 I am while reading this comment. Also, who want's to be an adult?

  89. No spoilers by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 1

    I thought what they did to a certain planet was actually a pretty ballsy move, dramatically speaking. I just hope they handle it in an interesting manner in the next film. If they can reign in the patently illogical WTF moments, the reboot could do well for a while.

  90. Face reality by GodfatherofSoul · · Score: 1

    A guy doesn't pull in > $2.5 BILLION on 3 movies because they suck. A ton of people loved those movies (I am not one of them). I bet the advertising campaign had a lot to do with it, and I bet if John Carter had 80s nostalgia and the Bay's advertising team, it would have made 1/2 billion as well.

    --
    I swear to God...I swear to God! That is NOT how you treat your human!
    1. Re:Face reality by Eponymous+Hero · · Score: 1

      "...so if your message ain't shit, fuck the records you sold / cuz if you go platinum, it's got nothing to do with luck / it just means that a million people are stupid as fuck..." -- Industrial Revolution, Immortal Technique

      --
      insensitive clod overlords obligatory xkcd car analogy russian reversals whoosh pedant fanbois ftfy in 3...2...1..PROFIT
  91. Bay - Get a Fucking Life by oh_my_080980980 · · Score: 1

    Perhaps it's time to try your hand at writing a novel. That way you can suck in obscurity.

  92. Hugh Howey by sirwired · · Score: 1

    Try the Wool series by Hugh Howey. It'll cost you a buck for each book in the currently five-book series. If you read the first installment (a short-form book you should be able to finish in a hurry) and don't like it, I'll personally mail you a dollar bill. Polished and tight, you'll never know it wasn't professionally edited.

    He published one book under a publisher, which didn't sell, and hasn't signed on with a publisher since. The Wool series has sold well over 100,000 copies at this point (an SF blockbuster by any measure), and not a dime of that went to a publisher.

    (And no, I'm not Hugh Howey.)

  93. Baen is a bit uneven by sirwired · · Score: 1

    I've read a lot of works I enjoy from Baen. I've gotten hooked on several series (which I have then purchased later installments) from the Free Library.

    That said, Baen publishes more polemic than any other major SF publisher I'm aware of, and those books are about as subtle as an Ayn Rand novel. I don't mind books where it is apparent the author has a political viewpoint which differs from mine. But books where you get bludgeoned over the head with it, and it appears the plot exists solely as a background for political ranting... count me out.

  94. Immature Alien Marital Artists by HTH+NE1 · · Score: 1

    Immature Alien Martial Artists
    Immature Alien Martial Artists
    Immature Alien Martial Artists
    Cash in on a franchise, with sexplosions.

    --
    Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
  95. Re:Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters by Manos_Of_Fate · · Score: 1

    Spoofing the Ninja Turtles is like spoofing Austin Powers. The source material itself was a spoof.

    --
    Isn't enough that I ruined a pony, making a gift for you?
  96. Taking more shots at my childhood by SweeBeeps · · Score: 1

    Wasn't TMNT 3 bad enough? After that movie Ice Cream melted faster, candy wasn't as sweet and the amount of homework I had doubled. With this new assault on the TNMT franchise now that I'm an adult, I fear for the health of my car!

  97. Updates on IGN by silentbrad · · Score: 1
    Not that anyone's going to see this, bottom of the pile on a two day old story, but IGN has a pair of updates:

    UPDATED, MARCH 21: Now two of the actors who voiced the Turtles in the three 1990s live-action movies have gotten drawn into the fray of what we've dubbed "Turtlegate." TMZ says Robbie Rist, who voiced Michaelangelo, posted a letter to Bay that said the filmmakers was "sodomizing" the beloved franchise with his alien approach. Said Rist, "I know believing in mutated talking turtles is kinda silly to begin with but am I supposed to be led to believe there are ninjas from another planet? The rape of our childhood memories continues ... "

    However, Bay has a supporter in Rist's co-star Brian Tochi, who voiced Leonardo in the '90s movies. "If Michael Bay wants to do a different take on the turtles origin story ... mazel tov!," Tochi told TMZ. Another Bay supporter is Judith Hoag, who played April O'Neil in 1990's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hoag, however, is a veteran of Bay films. She admitted to the site, "I was in Armageddon ... which Michael directed ... as well as Nightmare On Elm Street and I Am Number Four which he produced."

    UPDATED, MARCH 22: TMNT co-creator Peter Laird has now addressed the "alien" controversy over at his blog: " I would actually encourage TMNT fans to swallow the 'chill pill' Mr. Bay recently suggested they take, and wait and see what might come out of this seemingly ill-conceived plan. It's possible that with enough truly creative brainpower applied to this idea, it might actually work. I'm not saying it's probable, or even somewhat likely ... but it IS possible."

    Laird, who reminds fans he no longer has any control over the TMNT property, added sarcastically, "the reason I say it could be a 'genius' idea is that -- for the first time -- someone has come up with a way to have as many freakin' Turtles as they want. I mean, if the TMNT are actually members of an alien race, there could be a whole PLANET of them!"

  98. Re:Yes by toddestan · · Score: 1

    Actually, it started out as a comic book series, so what many consider "the original TV show" is actually considered a bastardization to some. Like many, I grew up with the TV series and wasn't even aware of the existence of the comic books until years later. So in some ways, it's kind of hard to get all worked up over the reboot supposedly wrecking the franchise, as different people have different views on just what the franchise is. That, and I suspect that simply rewatching the 80's TV show 20+ years later would end up completely changing what I remember from my childhood. Probably something that's simply best not revisited.

  99. Those who don't learn from history... by chromeratt · · Score: 1

    Apparently Bay has never heard of Highlander II. Because the whole "turn the main characters into aliens" thing worked SO well for that franchise!

  100. Hello little weed by tepples · · Score: 1

    The problem with the original Flower Pot Men is that is that Bill and Ben spoke with a very thick accent, and closed captions weren't invented in the Watch with Mother era. Perhaps when you were a kid, the language acquisition units in your brain were still pliable, and you could pick up the Oddle Poddle dialect.

    And it wasn't LSD; it was weeeeeed.

  101. Bang bang! Bang bang! Firefly by tepples · · Score: 1

    Not as much of a poke as a BANG BANG!

  102. Twurtles by tepples · · Score: 1

    The problem in this case Bay's "original idea" is changing the turtles to aliens.

    The "T" could still stand for Twurtles, like Arnold Stang's character Nurtle in Pinocchio in Outer Space.