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Michael Bay To Remake TMNT As Aliens
Nidi62 writes "We all know that Michael Bay loves to put 86 minutes of explosions into a 90-minute movie. But it appears that he has found a new way to screw up a movie. He is directing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in which the turtles are not created with ooze: they are 'from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.' No word yet on whether he's consulting with George Lucas on how to totally destroy the origin and essence of a classic story."
Responding to criticism, Bay thoughtfully explained that fans need to "chill."
And I like turtles.
ANOTHER remake. How sad.
Michael Bay Signs $50m Deal to Fuck Up Thundercats.
le sigh.
Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??
Did... did he just tell us to chillax?
We've suspected it for years, but I think the trolling has just become completely overt.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles = TANT
As in, this dude is tainting my childhood memories!~
Everyone who paid to see Michael Bay's movie must pay extra 10% income tax.
Those who took their kids with'em need to be referred to child protection agencies.
Fuck systemd. Fuck Redhat. Fuck Soylent, too. Wait, scratch the last one.
Done!
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
Michael Bay is to 80's cartoons as Uwe Boll is to Videogames.
In Soviet Russia, Trojan exploits YOU!
I mean, FFS, it's in the goddamn name. It's like remaking Pirates of the Caribbean with Cowboys instead of Pirates.
The only good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the original B&W comics. Unfortunately I am old enough to have read them when they first appeared, but they were good.
Calls it Transformers 4.
So... Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? Unless they are proud warriors who have grown to full maturity, and its not a joyride to earth... Then its Adult Alien Ninja Turtles! But wait! If they are not mutated from turtles, then they are not turtles. So maybe Adult Alien Ninja Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings! But if they learned their martial arts on another planet, then its only Ninja-esq... So the new theme is
"Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Adult Alien Noble Martial Arts Weilding Humanoid-Herpetolicoid Beings,
Heroes in a Half Shell,
Alien power!
They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (From Another World!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Aliens for some reason focusing on one small local crime lord when they have interplanetary travel don't cut him no slack!
(Refrain)
Just doesn't have the same ring as it used to...
Maybe years ago, but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass. Why the hell do naturally beautiful women feel the urge to completely destroy that??
I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it's because deep down most people have self-esteem issues and when they were in high school the only boys who approached them were the confident ones who 'negged' them and provided a level of mental abuse that they tolerated and even found attractive. And they never recovered from it.
Add the regular rejection of Hollywood and it just gets even worse.
Reply to self:
After some quick wikipedia, I realize that the cartoon I grew up loving in the late 80s was actually ripped from a comic book series I have never read. So I guess I prove my OP wrong. Some 12 year old kid could go see this movie, and it would forever represent the ninja turtles in their mind. Oh god, where is the art police when you need them?
Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:
"Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.
Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"
Yeah right.
The guy just keeps resuscitating properties that have been long dead and buried, licensed for somewhere near the price of a six pack of Coors, and turning them into brands worth hundreds of millions of dollars again.
We should all hope to "screw things up" like he does.
Actually, as much as I think Michael Bay is possibly the most inept and visually retarded filmmaker of all time, I'd probably watch it if Vince Offer was a major character.
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
My Dinner With Andre. In 3-D.
The Palladium roleplaying game was pretty awesome too
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
The rights-holders sold him the rights and he is free to do with them as he pleases.
Yet we are for some reason not free to express our displeasure?
Amen. I wasn't- and amn't- a major TMHT (*) fan (**), so I'm not massively upset personally. However, variants of the following stupid argument pop up on Slashdot all the time, namely that "it's a free market / free world therefore they're within their rights to do what they want with their thing / run their company how they like and you're free to not buy it and therefore you're not entitled to complain about it."
;-)
All but the last bit in bold may be arguably legitimate- and standard- but for some reason people around here seem to think that because there's a free market and people have the right to make a free choice then they have no right to complain.
Wrong. If "Fanboy Electronic Fashions" makes something I dislike or conducts their business in a manner I disagree with, yes, I don't have to buy it or do business with them (just as they're not obligated to pander to me). This fact *does not* disqualify me from criticising them anyway- whether I choose to buy their stuff or not- nor does it entitle them to protection from criticism. If I don't like the "uPhone" then "you don't have to buy it" doesn't stop me from criticising it, or encouraging others not to buy it- in fact, to believe otherwise pretty much implies you dislike free criticism of products (plus people who *had* bought it could similarly be dismissed with "well, you bought it anyway").
(*) Teenage Mutant *Hero* Turtles, yes, I live in Britain and we got the BBC-approved title
(**) Probably due to being just a bit too old for the cartoon when it first came out (early to mid teens), though I knew people in my class at school who liked it.
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"but now Megan Fox's ass has probably had 15 surgeries and looks like it's made of plastic, much like the rest of her. I'll pass."
She's obviously way below your standards, with her sharp knees and all. We can't all be lucky enough like you to have had Natalie Portman pour hot grits into our underwear.
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everyone seems to be freaking out about this. But who cares? Anyone under 25 doesn't know what TMNT is and anyone over 25 doesn't give a shit, because it's fucking TMNT and we're fucking adults.
I'm the submitter, and I care. Coincidentally, I am 25 :)
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
There's always Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Anthropic principle: We see the universe the way it is because if it were different we would not be here to see it.
weren't you here for the Startrek reboot? That what reboot means, take something that people like and totally screw it up for your own ego trip. That way you can make a totally mediocre movie and still expect good box office take from the fanboys that go just because of the name.
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.