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New Reality Series: Be the Next Microsoft Employee
theodp writes "No, Steve Ballmer doesn't swap spit with contestants in a hot tub. Nor does he present a rose to each contestant he wishes to keep at the end of each episode. But the contestants in Microsoft's Be the Next Microsoft Employee web series, which is being billed as Top Chef for Geeks, do live together in a luxury waterfront home as they compete for the chance to interview for a job with the software giant. So, what's next from Microsoft? The Real Housewives of Medina?"
Any of you skinny bitches stands in my way better be ready for some hair pullin!!
Season two will be titled "Be the last Microsoft employee"
They're going to live together in a luxury waterfront home as they compete for the chance to interview for Microsoft?
I'd rather compete for a chance at North Korean citizenship.
You could just go to a college career fair, like I did, put in your resume, interview, and get hired. There was really nothing magical about it-- just another interview. For what it's worth: they were a great college internship, too-- paid very well, and the work was fairly challenging.
Episode 3 will feature the chair throwing contest, Episode 4 the run-around-the-stage-like-you-just-snorted-two-lines-of-coke, the final episode will have the remaining contestants try to convince the audience why they prefer the Metro interface on their 3-monitor setup over the regular desktop; the only rule is that they're not allowed to laugh.
I'd rather dip my balls in honey and sit down naked on a nest of fire ants. Just sayin'.
Whoop-tee-do. I could do that without having to compete in a reality series. Just send a flowery resume to land the interview.
This would be more impressive if they were placed as Interns *inside* Microsoft, and competing to impress the boss to be hired permanently.
My AC stalker: " I personally agree with your posts most of the time, but that won't keep me from modding you troll"
You don't win money, or a job? You win the chance to interview?
When I interviewed at Microsoft, I spent most of the time in windowless cubicles. How come I didn't get to see this great waterfront villa? On the other hand, I got the job. Of these contestants, all but one will get nothing but a view of the waterfront. Maybe I got the better deal after all...
...has tried to make microsoft look sexy for how long? And how come he always tries to do it with stuff over a hundred years old. First he was selling Vista with Seinfeld. And now this. Reality TV must be older than ms-dos 6.0! Who even watches that crap anymore? Certainly not young programmers. This guy wouldn't know sexy if it hit him on the head with a chair. Face it, there is nothing cool about the legacy wintel platform and the company associated with it. Pack your bags and move along.
And don't let me get started on the fact that nobody in their right mind would ever hire the kind of people who go on reality TV shows.
FCKGW 09F9 42
...cause you'll almost certainly get it, in the worst possible way.
Honestly, I tried to watch the trailer and stay serious, but I was smiling the whole time, as if I was watching a new comedy show. After years of M$-spoofs, jokes and parodies, my brain seems to have associated a certain kind of expectation with watching Microsoft-related media that might not quite be the kind of reaction MS is looking for here.
Still, I'll tune in and abuse my Pavlovian conditioning. Haha.
LOL in this reality TV show the winners are the ones who escape.
There was a cheesy "human hunting" reality TV show awhile back, where dudes in matrix style men in black suits chased contestants around and tried to catch them, it may be something like that. If you didn't get captured in 30 minutes by the MIB then you "won". It was pretty intensely FOX network style, all arguing and yelling instead of cooperating, probably because if the contestants cooperated like a US infantry squad they'd have easily wasted the MIB. I don't recall the name.
The point of the reminisce is getting caught by guys in suits leads to a SERE like cubical environment?
I would watch just to see poor editing, maybe a contestant pulls out a iphone or an android phone. That would be funny.
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
Trump's winner gets to comb that luxurious hair. The Microsoft winner gets to use Sham-Wows on Ballmer's armpits.
I'd pick Trump.
Trolling is a art,
This reminds me of the joke about "The Apprentice". The winner gets to work for Donald Trump for a year. The loosers have to work for two.
Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
Would be a suitable show title.
I know if I was a software company I'd want to select for the sort of people who would go on a reality TV show. Wait...
It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
- E. Debs
How many bugs can you swallow?
Have gnu, will travel.
Steve, Steve
Steve of the Ballmer,
A guy who has no hair.
(Ahhhhhhhh)
Watch out for that chair.
Steve, Steve
Steve of the Ballmer,
Lives a life that's free.
(Ahhhhhhhh)
Watch out for that chair.
When he gets in a scrape,
he makes his escape
with the help of his friend,
a guy named Bill.
Then away he'll schlep
on his elephant Shep
While Fella and Ursula
Stay in step.
Well....Steve, Steve
Steve of the Ballmer,
Friend to you and me.
Watch out for that chair.
Second place prize is a two-year contract ...
So glad I don't own a television.
Be the Next Microsoft Employee: "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to work at Microsoft? One of these contestants will have a shot at finding out. Who will be the next Microsoft employee?" IIRC, the video also indicated that this was a shot at, not a guarantee of, a job.
Contestants rate each other on tasks, filling mandatory slots from most valuable to least valuable, with the bottom 10% being fired Backstabbing and politcking ensue between the contestants as they fight tooth and nail not to be dumped down the bottom, while forgetting entirely about the task at hand and just half-assing it finished.
Perfectly preparing them for the working environment at MS...
So there I was, scribbling down some notes off the PC screen by hand, when I reached for the keyboard and Ctrl-S'd.
that job was CEO.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
As old as it is, they'd still have a more popular show if they had a competition to become a developer at Blizzard for World of Warcraft...at least some people still enjoy that software...
Wait, I thought that was Walking Dead?
Bah ha ha ha ha ha! Ballmer! Ha ha ha ha!
sounds like something that will be shown in small bits and clips as part of mainstream media, and maybe played in full lengths at career fairs, MS HQ during interfests, etc...
There is no way we're going to watch programmers on mainstream TV, there is just nothing interesting about it to average people, and those who do it for a living will do nothing but be aggravated by it.
No, they get a job. theodp wrote that nonsense based on not actually reading the source he linked and from being unable to understand plain English.
The loosers have to work for two.
What about the tighters?
Yes, I am mocking you.
They stole this idea from http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/pennyarcade/penny-arcade-sells-out . Jerks.
Saying you do not own a TV is like saying you are drug free. Not a big deal among people who are not addicts but among addicts it does have a smug feeling to it when rubbing it in their faces - it also has a similar appearance to being a jerk.
It is not as bad as informing everybody you are a Christian.
Democracy Now! - uncensored, anti-establishment news
... I'm speaking of Microsoft
Be the Next Microsoft Employee (YouTube): "From a field of thousands, 6 contestants will battle it out for an opportunity to interview to be the next Microsoft employee."
Why the hell would any sane person want to work at Microsoft? Their corporate culture is absolutely terrible, and the company's ethics on the whole are intolerable.
Also, you might have to talk to Steve Ballmer. The thought makes me wince.
-B
Ash and Hickory, straight-grained and true, make excellent bludgeons, dandy for the cudgeling of vegetarians.
LOL. It may seem kind of strange, and maybe a little dramatic in the eyes of the typical technology enthusiast but I like what Microsoft is doing.... As an X-ComputerCoder I think it is great to show people that there is more out there than just computer technology! Expand their horizons in what they can do with THEIR life.. When you work for a large coorporation you seem so unvaluable, you feel like a number among your co-workers. This is a great way to give people the sense of being somebody unique. Theres a lot more to life than work/computer technology. :./
-- SnappleX
I wish I could travel back in time and kill who ever came up with "reality" shows.
I wish I could travel back in time and kill whoever invented time machines.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
I hope they don't have a lot of drama. Just get me to the code.
The consolation prize for the contestants that don't make it is a contract with Google. After, of course, being publicly humiliated by Steve Ballmer by having him throw a chair at you.
It's happened with all the big companies I've worked for. It does suck. It sucked for me because I had hand-picked my team and built it up. So I effectively argued that I didn't have any weak memebers, and I won that argument. The idea is that there should be a percentage OVERALL that is stacked. And the idea isn't that you just identify those who are weaker to eliminate them, the idea is to then train those people. But it's a paradox, because at some point (in theory) you won't have any bottom percenters.
In the end, it's a bad management tool. Nobody hardly ever used it like that though.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
For this challenge you can gain immunity by building a .net application Steve would be proud of.
Feel free to use any .net language for this challenge since they are all just VB with a different syntax.
In the end we will grade your shiny new version of notepad and declare the winner which will gain immunity in the next round.
Got Code?
But what does the winner get?
Contribute to civilization: ari.aynrand.org/donate
Another alternative is to get hired into Microsoft in hopes of goading Ballmer into throwing a chair at you. Then you can sue for assault and battery. Its a lose-win situation.
[Side note: How come the spell checker suggests "Ballgirl" for Ballmer? Damn Chrome.]
I object to power without constructive purpose. --Spock
I worked there in 1998 as an intern. Had many issues with management.
Yet, inspite of all the problems, it is a REALLY GREAT PLACE TO WORK. From a developer's perspective, you meet extremely smart people. And their suggestions potentially influence your development many years after.
The best thing that I saw was that Microsoft really values smart people and they will keep them at any cost not letting them leave. Very few companies do that. Most today's companies are just concerned with the rate per hour and all this crap which results in insane turnover and crappy productivity. Microsoft actually gives generous raises to those who really produce. And employee turnover in 90's was much lower than any other company.
The werst problem that seemed at the time was an insanely redundant chain of PMs. One would be responsible for the product, another for graphics, another for future localization and who knows what. The guy responsible for UI layout (in my particular case) was there for at least 10 years. Paid a lot and design stuff completely inconsistent with any other Microsoft product. Every time I would mention multiple examples from the most popular products like Windows itself or Office, I would be told that it's not my job. Yet his "design" looked like sh*t. Another really smart developer (who eventually became architect and evangeliest) told me he had the same issues with him. That PM always "worked from home" and never showed up.
It is very likely that such PMs were the ones who brought all this mess to the company that we see now. Yet, purely from software development perspective and learning from co-workers it was an amazing place.
How come the spell checker suggests "Ballgirl" for Ballmer? Damn Chrome.
I think, it's something from /d/...
Contrary to the popular belief, there indeed is no God.
Seriously... SQL and DBA guys grow on trees... I don't see why Microsoft doesn't just raid the high schools and make them instead o hiring them with years of experience.
Mayhem abound when it is discovered someone ate through the whole Cheetos supply for the week. Meanwhile, Bob faces eviction after being caught on the toilet trying to install Open Source software. Luke and Igor get into an argument over Igor's B.O., Igor says it's a skin disease while Luke claims it's caused by avoiding contact with water and soap. Jim and Lucy get into a fight when Jim ragequits and stomps out of the room after she uttered a slur doubting his sexual preference in his direction. Problems escalate when Jim won't come out. Hours later, Jim's mom gets called over the PA system and she can finally persuade him to come out, promising to have his favorite Star Wars pillow delivered to the house. Shocking revelations by the nightcam: Bob gets caught with Lucy in an attempt to use SQL injection. The next morning, the contestants face off in a artisan challenge, they are handed polishers and copies of Windows 8. Ultimately, it's quite a photo-finish, as all contestants agree that these polishers have little effect on the product, except for making it shiny but still utterly unusable. Lucy wins the challenge and receives the Floating Chair token, allowing her to duck one future challenge. Check in for more next Tuesday!
Worse than that -- Omarosa, the designated villain from the first Apprentice, was still working for Trump 5 years later.
Some people seem to enjoy punishment.
Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
This is just a rip off of Hunger Games and Battle Royale, only with geeks as they fight to the death not to be forced to join Microsoft!
Sure enough, the cow costume was hanging up next to the superhero outfit and sailors uniform. (S,Spud)