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Ask Slashdot: Geekiest Way To Cook a Turkey?
First time accepted submitter almostadnsguy writes "There seem to be a lot of ways to cook a turkey the geekiest ones are probably out of the realm of possibility for normal geeks. However, Within the limits of normal society (or outside if you wish) what is the geekiest way to do it? Do you use a special brine, cook it in an inventive way, or raise genetically modified turkeys with extra legs?"
I would share my method, but it only works for a spherical turkey in a vacuum.
step 1: assume a perfectly spherical turkey...
let's have a conversation! let me know what you think.
Put it in the freezer, thaw and eat by yourself on Thursday, watching re-runs of Star Trek?
Gently reply
Take the turkey.
Pour a bit of the vodka on it.
Drink a bit of the remaining vodka.
Prepare to put the turkey in the oven.
Pour some more vodka on it.
Sip some more of the remaininng vodka.
Put the burkey in the oben.
Taek anohter brink of the vokda.
Tuern om the onev at 200 degrees.
Whihle waithtng for durkey the to beacome reday, fiinsh the rest of the btotle.
Remuove teh rurheyk orfm eht oaven.
Clal am aumbuleance to treat yoru bruns.
At least that's how I'd do it
Walk over to the replicator and say "White meat Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes w/gravy & gelled cranberry sauce" Oh and 'Earl Grey Tea please'
Sigs are for losers
You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."..
And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
Hang it above my EICO HF-87 vacuum tube amp and play the LA Phil recording of the music from Star Wars *real loud* Trick will be to catch the drippings so that they don't gum up the EL-34 / 6CA7 tubes. Good thing my AR turntable and HF-85 preamp are well away from the power amp. The result is the clearest sounding turkey possible.
Gary Dunn
Open Slate Project
The right way for geeks to celebrate christmas or thanksgiving day is to not celebrate them at all. Geeks are supposed to be smart enough to not believe in imaginary friends in the sky and to not celebrate the biggest genocide in history eating turkey.
Fun at parties, are you?
If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
This beats all.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjrI91J6jOw
Vi Hart (previously featured on /.) has posted a geeky turkey video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjrI91J6jOwm, which I found rather amusing!
No kitty, this is my pot pie!
It's a harvest festival. The genocide was incidental.
The current term is 'collateral damage'. :D
Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
Well, the *nerdiest* way to cook turkey is to wait in your mom's basement until it is done.
W..w..W - Willy Waterloo washes Warren Wiggins who is washing Waldo Woo.
1 In the beginning God created the turkey and the cavity.
2 And the cavity was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3 And God said, Let there be the oven on: and there was the oven on.
4 And God saw the oven on, that it was good: and God divided the oven from the kitchen.
5 And God called the oven Day, and the kitchen he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
6 And God said, Let there be a stuffing in the midst of the breadcrumbs, and let it divide the breadcrumbs from the breadcrumbs.
7 And God made the stuffing, and divided the breadcrumbs which were under the stuffing from the breadcrumbs which were above the stuffing: and it was so.
8 And God called the stuffing Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
9 And God said, Let the breadcrumbs under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the cranberries appear: and it was so.
10 And God called the cranberries Earth; and the gathering together of the breadcrumbs called he Side dishes: and God saw that it was good.
11 And God said, Let the cranberries bring forth relish, the herb yielding asparagus, and the fruit tree yielding pie after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
12 And the stuffing brought forth relish, and herb yielding asparagus after his kind, and the tree yielding pie, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
13 And the evening and the morning were the leftovers.
don't you mean 'go upstairs' ?
First you get a beowulf cluster of turkeys.
Then you place a naked and petrified Natalie Portman above the turkeys, and you pour hot grits all over her, letting the grits fall on the turkeys, slow cooking them with their transferred heat.
If you find the turkey's aren't cooking fast enough, you add the sonic energy from screaming, "OMG ponies!" to the process, hopefully speeding it up an uncountable number of femtoseconds.
When Netcraft confirms that all other forms of turkey cooking are dying, you dispense the entire Beowulf cluster of turkeys into a series of (feeding) tubes.
Before eating, you praise technology by reading the latest F*cking Article on Slashdot, and ban any insensitive clods to the neighbors.
Then you eat the turkeys before they can move to Soviet Russia and eat you.
Reeses