Ask Slashdot: How Do I Get My Spouse To Start Gaming With Me?

x_IamSpartacus_x writes "I've been a gamer for a long time (started on Nibbles in MS-DOS) and enjoy pretty much any good game. I can enjoy side-scrolling relics (original Prince of Persia, Win 95), to modern MMORPGs (stopped playing my 85 lvl Mage on WoW just recently, read on to see why), to a good sports game (Madden series are a blast) and many more. I've been married for 4 years now and have hardly touched my games since being married and starting having kids. My wife and I are Americans but live overseas and have little access to new movies/entertainment and, from experience, I know that a good game can provide much more entertainment than a good movie. My question is, what are good ways/good games that I can use to get my wife into computer gaming? We both have good laptops that I'd love to get her interested in using to do co-op or combative games with me. Because of my long experience, gaming comes naturally to me and so even on a game I haven't played I would probably be much better than she. Is there a game or idea that would take away the embarrassing factor for her of being much worse than I am while still being enjoyable and worth spending a lot of time on with me? Do any other Slashdotters struggle getting their spouse to game with them?"

Comments

Simple:

[x0d]

You don't.

Re:Simple:

[Anonymous Coward]

"I've been a knitter for a long time (started with wool on wooden needles) and enjoy pretty much any good game. I can enjoy crochet (original doilies, place mats), to modern patchwork (stopped sewing my 85 patch quilt just recently, read on to see why), to a good sweater (cardigan series are a blast) and many more. I've been married for 4 years now and have hardly touched my needles since being married and starting having kids. My husband and I are Americans but live overseas and have little access to new movies/entertainment and, from experience, I know that a good stitch can provide much more entertainment than a good movie. My question is, what are good ways/good patterns that I can use to get my husband into knitting? We both have good tables that I'd love to get him interested in using to do pattern or cross stitch with me. Because of my long experience, knitting comes naturally to me and so even on a pattern I haven't made I would probably be much better than he. Is there a pattern or idea that would take away the embarrassing factor for him of being much worse than I am while still being enjoyable and worth spending a lot of time on with me? Do any other Slashdotters struggle getting their spouse to knit or sew with them?"

Re:Simple:

[Mrs Olsoc]

There you are. I asked you to take out the trash and I couldn't figure out why you were taking so long. I thought to myself, "Self, he must be wasting time on those computers again."

But on what websites? I've already told him he's not allowed on Facebook anymore. I limited him to a half-hour of video games every day, so he'd spend more time with me. I just don't understand what's so much more attractive about spending time online. So I checked the browser history on the den computer and saw he'd been wasting time on some website called Slashdot, the useless, lazy, good-for-nothing.

Well, fine Ol, that's just fine. If this is how you want to spend your time, then I'll play along. I've signed up for this Slashdot too. So now I can post here, meet your friends, and we can spend more time together.

Why game?

[CoreDump]

Why not do something active?

Why not get out and explore the country that you are in with your wife and kids?

Start socially and cooperatively

[sco08y]

Get friends together so she's not the only inexperienced person, and so she can take a break when she wants. Do stuff like Rock Band that is cooperative and easily adjusted for new players.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[Billly Gates]

I second that. MMOs have big cult followings among women.

Women are just different. They are social beings. They want to integrate people and technology into their already existing lives. Not use it to get away as a stress reliever like men. The fact you need downtime makes them resentful. However if sheis included like in Wow has an appeal.

Clueless

[mspohr]

The cluelessness of the nerd knows no bounds.

Re:Clueless

[Anonymous Coward]

This. A thousand times this.

I used to work for NGOs in India, China, and Vietnam. While the marriages lasted when the women also worked in development, not once did I see a marriage last in rural Asia when the woman was a SAHM or a teacher.

Try thinking about it from a different perspective for a minute. Would you want to game if you had, essentially, two jobs -- yours and housework/childcare? How would you have any energy for it? Keep in mind that living overseas tends to be much rougher on Western (and particularly American) women than on men. This is triply true if you're in a non-Western country. People in all the non-Western nations I've worked in to view American women as the women from SATC and harass us whenever we leave the house by ourselves. It's unpleasant, dangerous, and emotionally draining.

And remember, doing twice as much work as your father does not equal doing the same amount of housework and childcare as your wife. If you want her to game, try actually doing the same amount of work as she does. Then maybe she'll have enough energy for it.

You may actually save yourself money on a divorce in a few years, too. I've heard the OP's story dozens of times, and marriage does not sound like it's in good shape and the OP's not understanding what's really going on -- at all. He doesn't need to play games with his wife -- he needs marriage counseling. Back in the States.

Portal 2

[jones_supa]

Portal 2 has a nice co-op mode (video), you solve the puzzles together. It could be fun.

Your perspective is wrong.

[cheddarlump]

Speaking as a gamer who got married and had kids, as well as somebody who lived overseas: Spend the time meeting your wife and kids in activities that THEY like,and explore the huge world around you IRL. The gaming will wait a few years, your wife won't feel abandoned in a foreign land, and when the kids get older, they'll love gaming with you (can be your "thing" with them). I have a gaming rig that I haven't even turned on in 2 months.. Sad, but time with the family is priority one for me, and I'll be honest in saying that there were many times I had to CHOOSE to make it that way, as my selfish feelings told me to sit in the basement many times. If your wife IS interested, I agree with above that Portal would be a good start, in coop mode.

Let Me Explain

[Anonymous Coward]

Let me explain a little bit more...

You know those hours that you spend alone, immersed in a game while you own n00bs in BF3 or while you wage some pathetic WoW or LoL quest? What is your wife doing while this is going on? Is she cleaning, making dinner, keeping the kids occupied or watching a movie, leaving you uninterrupted for your fun?

Now, imagine she's gaming, spending hours immersed in a WoW or LoL quest, or worse still some ridiculous hours long farming stint. Imagine she's as addicted to that crap as you are. Who's cleaning, making dinner, watching the kids? I can tell you who won't be playing games for long stretches. I can tell you who won't be enjoying the fact that their spouse is gaming. You won't.

The proper course of action is for you to spend a little less time gaming and a little more time doing group activities with your family. Then you can enjoy your uninterrupted game time.

Regret, thy name is x_IamSpartacus_x

Exactly - this is an experience problem.

[raehl]

The submitter might as well be David Beckham asking how he can get Victoria Beckham to play soccer with him.

Look, the fact of the matter is, you've been playing video games most of your life, so there's few things that are true for you that are never going to be true for your wife:

1) You started when you were very young. Very young is when most people pick up new interests, and one of the things that makes that interest interesting in their adult lives is that it was part of their young lives. No matter what you do, video games are never going to be a part of your wife's young life.

2) You have tens of thousands of hours of experience. That means even when you encounter entirely new games, you get to apply that experience to the new game. Your wife will have no frame of reference. For example, let's say you tried to introduce her to WoW.... you know what a character level is. She has no idea. You probably played RPGs at some time in the early 90's (or a bit earlier or later depending on your age), she's done it... never.

3) When you're playing with her and your skill level is going to be much higher than hers is. EVEN if you're playing cooperatively, that's going to be frustrating. We're talking basic skills here, like even manipulating a controller, or precise mouse use. Doing activities with someone who is at an entirely different skill level than you - even the simple version of that activity - is rarely pleasureably.

4) Because of 3) your wife is going to have a bit of a learning curve before she can really enjoy a game. That might be OK, *IF* your wife wasn't married with kids. And I imagine at least one of you has a job. By the time she spends an hour or two working on that learning curve, it's going to be time to put the kids to bed or go to bed yourselves and she's just going to think the activity stinks if she never gets past the learning part to the fun part.

And, the laptop is the LAST place you should attempt this. There is nothing that requires a laptop to play that you should try and get a novice gamer interested in. If you can't play it on a phone, it's almost certainly too advanced.

The reality of this is, if you dated this girl before you got married (and I hope you did), and she didn't pick up an interest in video games during that exposure to you, it's not going to happen now.

Maybe you two can play words with friends together.