Ask Slashdot: How Do I Get My Spouse To Start Gaming With Me?

x_IamSpartacus_x writes "I've been a gamer for a long time (started on Nibbles in MS-DOS) and enjoy pretty much any good game. I can enjoy side-scrolling relics (original Prince of Persia, Win 95), to modern MMORPGs (stopped playing my 85 lvl Mage on WoW just recently, read on to see why), to a good sports game (Madden series are a blast) and many more. I've been married for 4 years now and have hardly touched my games since being married and starting having kids. My wife and I are Americans but live overseas and have little access to new movies/entertainment and, from experience, I know that a good game can provide much more entertainment than a good movie. My question is, what are good ways/good games that I can use to get my wife into computer gaming? We both have good laptops that I'd love to get her interested in using to do co-op or combative games with me. Because of my long experience, gaming comes naturally to me and so even on a game I haven't played I would probably be much better than she. Is there a game or idea that would take away the embarrassing factor for her of being much worse than I am while still being enjoyable and worth spending a lot of time on with me? Do any other Slashdotters struggle getting their spouse to game with them?"

Comments

Simple:

[x0d]

You don't.

Re:Simple:

[Vlad_the_Inhaler]

Nope. Accept that she has the freedom to have other interests.
If my Significant Other started making demands like that, I'd have to wonder why she wanted us to break up.

Re:Simple:

[SJHillman]

I'm in much the same boat looking for a game both my girlfriend and I would enjoy. She's open to the idea of it, we just haven't found a multiplayer game we're both into (although there are a lot of single player games we both enjoy, especially the Sim- and Sims series).

Re:Simple:

[zachie]

Simple: The Sims.

Re:Simple:

[Concerned Onlooker]

Charming. I'm sure you'll end up with a very quality woman. Or at least a very desperate one.

Re:Simple:

[Anonymous Coward]

Remember women, when a guy as you to get into gaming with him, say no at first. If he responds by asking for sexual favors, go find someone who is less of a douche .

Seriously, men think they're some kind of special commodity, and that they can be more choosey. We women kall know that's bullshit, and an attempt at artificial scarcity. I hear that froim a lot of men, especially online tough-guy posters. I tell them, "Well, yeah, you may have a lot douchebags throwing themselves at your feet, but when you're an old bitter man, no one is going to want to settle with you and you're going to wish you were less of a suck-up ass when it counted."

And when men hit their thirties, they think they have women figured out and all lumped into one group. Meanwhile, myself and other women in their thirties have never been married, have no kids, and can also be choosey. At that age, it is less about your mating dance, and more about showing how you are not a selfish dick. And if your man doesn't engange you on one particular interest... go discuss it or maybe go do something else instead of worrying. But kindly tell all of that when some douche gives advice that amounts to "solve your relationship problems by being a douch like me."

Re:Simple:

[dadelbunts]

What OP said. Unless she actually enjoys gaming you will have as much luck getting her into that as she would getting you into crocheting. If its a case of her liking games but being ashamed of her n00b status then thats different. Give her katamari, and tokobots. Anyone that beats tokobots is a good gamer.

Re:Simple:

[Anonymous Coward]

Um, no. You know what happens when you try to introduce your significant other to an important part of your world? That's right, your worlds collide.

Re:Simple:

[bunbuntheminilop]

++

Also, why do we still put 'gaming' in some special category? If I like watching movies, I don't call it 'moving', or if I listen to music, I don't call it 'musing'.

Re:Simple:

[dcherryholmes]

This may just be me, or a fluke, or whatever, but I'll share my experience: Heroes of Might and Magic. I don't know what it is with that game, but over the years I've had a string of girlfriends -- and now my wife -- who generally have/had no interest in videogames. But that one has, somehow, hooked them all. The setup has varied a little over the years. There was a time when my then-other and I each had our own computers in my home office, and we'd play networked, and surf, read, goof off, or whatever when it wasn't our turn. Currently, I have a PC behind the flat screen in the den. My wife and I pull up a couple of chairs a little closer to the TV than we use for normal viewing, and play hotseat with a BT keyboard and mouse (mostly mouse, you don't really need the keyboard that much, except to hold down shift to split troops). She embroiders on her off turn. Clearly the turn-based nature of it is key, but I've tried to go on to other turn-based games (Civ, etc), and none of them hook like that one does. There's something about it.

So anyway, the tl;dr version: HOMM (personally a fan of V, although III is of course the classic).

Re:Simple:

[Muros]

Indeed. Don't go there. I'm a longtime gamer, and I wish I wasn't. Not because there is anything wrong with my passtime... except it passes too much time. Instead of getting your wife to participate in your gaming, pick up a new passtime. Or maybe 10 new passtimes. You could brew all your own beer and an exciting and exotic range of wines, join a book club, take up a unisex sport like tag rugby, spend a little bit of time on having gourmet food every day... and still be out ahead timewise compared to playing WoW. Time is all we have in this world. Make the most of yours, don't get sucked into stupid repetitive motions that aren't getting you anywhere.

OK, thats my advice giving for the day done. Back to my second monk.

Re:Simple:

[robsku]

This isn't about forcing anyone to anything - I've had gf's/bf's who I've succesfully turned into games (and they have turned me into some other things) and those who I didn't manage to turn into games. It didn't break the relationship, that would be just dumb.

Re:Simple:

[madseal]

I am a gamer, my wife (who is awesome!) is not I enjoy everything for Galaga, and Nethack to Diablo 3 and Call of Duty. For a while I have asked myself the same question, and maybe some of this will help folks. When my wife and I started dating she considered Arcades “One of the seven levels of Dante’s Inferno” I am still looking to find more games that she can enjoy with me, but we’ve found quite a few ways that we can have fun together playing games. Here’s a few of the things that have worked for us: 1) Find ways to play together as a team even if you are doing 1 player games (Find a way that you can switch off rapidly who is playing after one of you beats a level or gets stuck or looses a life and be affectionate as you’re playing – high fives and kisses as you switch the controller). 2) Recognize that your spouse my not have good reflexes and coordination that took you years to build (A lesson we learned playing minecraft, my wife found it frustrating because she could not react to monsters and she would die, so instead we put it on the no monster setting and just focused on building a house together) 3) Set a time limit on how long you are going to play and stick to it 4) Make gaming quality time, make sure you are interacting with your spouse both inside the game and outside random hugs and kisses after good or bad luck are always a good thing. 5) Mind your spouse’s tastes (my wife gets a bit creped out by zombies and the like, She’d play Resident Evil with me if I asked, but I’d be up all night hugging her as she was terrified to go to sleep) 6) Find something you both enjoy, ask your wife to keep you company and read or Facebook on the couch while you play one of your favorite games (My wife and I recently had a great time as she helped me design a new Skyrim character when she had only agreed to sit and read while I played for a while).

Re:Simple:

[Ol Olsoc]

Wouldn't it be more interesting to make it work rather than immediately take the most nihilistic approach?

I've tried a long time ago. It very seldom works. You can expose her or him to the hobby, but if they are going to become interested, they will. If not, you'll just be setting yourself up for dissapointment and possibly boo-boo feelings.

Just part of learning. If she enjoys gaming, she either already is gaming, or will be without much effort on your part.

Also don't forget, your time spent gaming might just be her enjoyable time away from you. I've found that often the more time I spend around my wife, the more time she has to discover and inform me of my many flaws.

Re:Simple:

[markov_chain]

That's fascinating, my wife is the same way. In fact she turned me onto HOMM3, but won't touch any other game. As far as I can tell she likes the mechanic of going around the map and picking up glittery things, and also likes the fact that it's basically a computer-managed board game, without the twitch factor.

Re:Simple:

[Austerity Empowers]

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I've found that if your wife isn't in to games (or wants to play games "differently" than you do) and you try to make her, bad things happen.

Put it this way, maybe she agrees to play a couple hours a week with you, then asks you to go shopping a couple hours of week with her. Are you happy? I'm not, I still hate shopping, I put items i need on a list, I head straight to the aisle with them, score. Then 1 hour and 59 minutes of waiting around pretending to be interested.

Of course if she LIKES games, so much the better...but you can't make someone like something.

Re:Simple:

[SQLGuru]

I have a wife and three daughters.......my wife won't "game" with me, but she will play some of the more girl friendly games sometimes.....in particular Rock Band or some of the Kinect games. Those are easier for the non-gamer to get into because they use more familiar controls (instruments or your body). The youngest will play some games with me (or even just watch me play RPGs), but she's the closest to a "gamer girl" in my house and I wouldn't really classify her as a gamer (yet?).

Re:Simple:

[BeansBaxter]

I can't agree more. I was once upon a time married to a gamer. She was a little more addicted than I. While sharing a game of Mario bros is always fun I'm glad I'm with someone now who has the sense to do more with her life. It is a good opportunity for me to do more as well. No reason to try to take that time away from someone who doesn't have a desire.

Re:Simple:

[Anonymous Coward]

"I've been a knitter for a long time (started with wool on wooden needles) and enjoy pretty much any good game. I can enjoy crochet (original doilies, place mats), to modern patchwork (stopped sewing my 85 patch quilt just recently, read on to see why), to a good sweater (cardigan series are a blast) and many more. I've been married for 4 years now and have hardly touched my needles since being married and starting having kids. My husband and I are Americans but live overseas and have little access to new movies/entertainment and, from experience, I know that a good stitch can provide much more entertainment than a good movie. My question is, what are good ways/good patterns that I can use to get my husband into knitting? We both have good tables that I'd love to get him interested in using to do pattern or cross stitch with me. Because of my long experience, knitting comes naturally to me and so even on a pattern I haven't made I would probably be much better than he. Is there a pattern or idea that would take away the embarrassing factor for him of being much worse than I am while still being enjoyable and worth spending a lot of time on with me? Do any other Slashdotters struggle getting their spouse to knit or sew with them?"

Re:Simple:

[Hymer]

Nope, it is in fact far more interesting how a computer gamer like him found and married a girl from RL.

Re:Simple:

[Mrs Olsoc]

There you are. I asked you to take out the trash and I couldn't figure out why you were taking so long. I thought to myself, "Self, he must be wasting time on those computers again."

But on what websites? I've already told him he's not allowed on Facebook anymore. I limited him to a half-hour of video games every day, so he'd spend more time with me. I just don't understand what's so much more attractive about spending time online. So I checked the browser history on the den computer and saw he'd been wasting time on some website called Slashdot, the useless, lazy, good-for-nothing.

Well, fine Ol, that's just fine. If this is how you want to spend your time, then I'll play along. I've signed up for this Slashdot too. So now I can post here, meet your friends, and we can spend more time together.

Re:Simple:

[mwvdlee]

She can still have freedom to have other interests AND enjoy playing certain games with you.
Chances are she'd probably want to be able to enjoy playing games with him too, but simply doesn't enjoy the games.

Re:Simple:

[CodeheadUK]

My wife and I used to love the Baulder's Gate:Dark Alliance console games, but same screen co-op seems to be a rare thing these days. The Marvel Ultimate Alliance series and Dungeon Siege III are about the only current gen offerings.

Re:Simple:

[Ch_Omega]

For your info: I just lost 16-11 to my girlfriend in Tekken 6 on xbox369, but I blame it on the fact that she was sitting there topless the entire time. True story.

Re:Simple:

[Luckyo]

Wouldn't it be interesting if women made husbands do stuff on interior design and embroidery.

Wait no, that's the way to make sure he'll spend his evenings in a nearest bar to escape that cruel fate. And yet, you seem assured that this process would be "interesting"...

I take it you haven't had any serious relationships yet?

Re:Simple:

[vux984]

fishing
swimning
running
knitting
exercising
drinking
fucking

gaming is not a "special category"

Re:Simple:

[TheSwift]

Nope. Accept that she has the freedom to have other interests. If my Significant Other started making demands like that, I'd have to wonder why she wanted us to break up.

Seriously? A person asks an honest question (and somebody thought it was insightful, because it got posted!) and people find it necessary to try and enlighten the submitter by telling them that their question is stupid. Sometimes the condescension and arrogance of of slashdotters are as frustrating as splinters under my fingernails.

If your wife tried to bring you into her life or something she's interested in, would you consider it an attempt to rob you of your interests or individuality, or could it actually be a gesture of love by inviting you into her world? I happen to also be a gamer and would love my wife to game with me, but if she asked me to go on a photography outing with her, I'd be all over it!

Re:Simple:

[Macgrrl]

This. And I say this as someone who is a gamer. I don't always enjoy the same types of games my husband plays. Or the same types of TV shows or the same types of books. I get incredibly frustrated sometimes when I'm getting pushed to play/read/watch something I have no interest in, and visa versa not being allowed to do something because he has lost interest in it.

Together time is important. But so is alone time, especially if you have kids.

There must have been something you had in common when you started dating - what was that and can you revisit in your together time?

If you insist on going down the gaming path, I recommend co-op games rather than competitive. Especially if there is a significant difference in skill level. And you need to be extraordinarily careful not to make her feel like she's letting you down if she makes mistakes. There are co-op board games as well as computer games, they may be a better option, less reaction based and you can potentially make up some homebrew rules variants if you want to make it more fun.

Re:Simple:

[Pseudonym]

Have you considered tabletop gaming?

I'm not necessarily talking about RPGs, either. Wil Wheaton has a very good series on Geek and Sundry devoted to tabletop games of all kinds, including some classics like The Settlers of Catan.

Re:Simple:

[Ol Olsoc]

Well played!, my goodness, Well Played!

That's my little woman!

Re:Simple:

[McGuirk]

True in some regards, but not all games are giant time-wasters.

For example, I got my (long-term) GF to play through all 3 Mass Effect games recently. While a significant time investment for all 3, that series can be an intense, emotional journey. If you let it happen, you can learn a few things about yourself while playing it. She agreed with this, and is glad she played them.

Likewise, for more co-operative gaming, choose something round-based like a strategy game or a shooter. The GF likes hardcore search-and-destroy on CoD (and murders everyone, she's really good), I hate CoD in general. I prefer Battlefield, she refuses to even try it. I'll show her the light one day =P

Re:Simple:

[CohibaVancouver]

Best. Response. Ever.

Re:Simple:

[xhrit]

I tried many many unsuccessful times to get my GF to play videogames. She is a total freak too, I figured how could she not like video games?

When I first met her she had purple hair, clearly visible skinny puppy tattoos visible through her revealing outfit. Her username on the internet was taken from a Fluke song that was created for a video game; in fact she basically spent all her time cosplaying the mascot for my favorite playstation game, Wipeout. And she loves the band that made the soundtrack for one of all time favorite PC games, Descent II, so much she has their logo tattooed on her body.

How could she not like video games? I don't know, but she didn't like video games in the slightest. She hated them all. Descent "made her dizzy". Wipeout was "too fast". FPS games were nothing but "stupid war games with ugly characters and annoying sounds". She hated videogames so much that she outright said we couldn't be together if I played games. So I had to quit playing video games for a few years.

It wasn't until I got a ps3 to replace her broken DVD player that she changed her mind about the subject. First I got her to play Flower, and she -really- enjoyed it. Then I got her to play Eden with me, since it is co-op. We played it together for hours on end... now we are ranked in the top 25 worldwide in 2 player mode. Then Wipeout HD came out with auto-pilot and motion control features that allowed her to actually enjoy the game. Next I got her Shining Force EXA and it made her cry. She hit level cap (198) in just under 2 weeks.

Then I got her a copy of Aion and showed her how much better PC gaming was then consoles. Now she is widely regarded as one of the best clerics on our server and her services are often requested by the most hardcore raiding guilds in vent. She is still very picky about games, she tends to dislike games that are overly aggressive, not aesthetically pleasing, or are 'too manly'.

Re:Simple:

[xhrit]

Pixeljunk Eden was the first co-op game I got my GF hooked on. Aion was the game that made her a PC gamer though. I tank, she heals. She dresses up her angel barbie and decorates her house when she is not out with me ganking newbs in open world pvp...

Re:Simple:

[doesnothingwell]

If you want your wife to show interest in your hobbies expect to be divorced around 12 yrs in, with children. You might make it longer if you try to show interest in her hobbies but don't count on it. The real answer to a long marriage is to show interest in what she tells you to. You can be Happy, Right or Married pick any two. Doing your own divorce is not that hard if the batshit crazy one trusts your judgement in most other matters.

Re:Simple:

[UltraZelda64]

Actually, it is simple. Just ask her if she wants to play with your joystick.

Re:Simple:

[UltraZelda64]

Just find a game that you think she would be interested in too. May I suggest Custer's Revenge?

Re:Simple:

[Latissimus]

... I'll share my experience: Heroes of Might and Magic...

I can second this suggestion. My (now) wife and I have spent plenty of hours playing Heroes III together. Discussing strategy for a specific fight doesn't take practiced gamer coordination and may be a good option for someone less experienced than you are. Disclaimer - my wife does like to game, and is trying to get me to come back to WoW.

Re:Simple:

[Quirkz]

That sounds about right. Besides the general approach, I've found a few niche areas where my wife will play computer games. One of them is Rock Band style games, because it's a lot closer to music than "being a computer game" in her eyes. She spent a lot of time outfitting and decorating her characters, too.

We found another by latching on to a real-world interest: she likes Mustang cars, so I found a racing game which had the model she likes. Even then it wouldn't have worked as a traditional race, so to compensate I spent a lot of time trying to crash into her or make spectacular jumps, rather than trying to actually finish the race quickly. We could both enjoy the madcap clips of spectacular car crashes and slapstick driving errors. This may not be for everyone, as it's definitely more slapstick than traditional gaming.

We also got a few hours out of Little Big Planet. She liked the cutesy characters and the customization, and the early levels were forgiving enough that we could play cooperative multiplayer and get along okay. Probably a third of the way through the game things got tricky enough she got frustrated and that was the end of that game.

Re:Simple:

[ShakaUVM]

>What OP said. Unless she actually enjoys gaming you will have as much luck getting her into that as she would getting you into crocheting.

Not true. My friend is like the horse whisperer, but for women.

His wife wasn't interested in gaming, so he started her with something simple and addictive (Super Puzzle Fighter) and then expanded her horizons from there.

She wasn't interested in pen and paper roleplaying games, so he got her interested in the story of the campaign, and costuming (it was a Victorian D&D campaign, the Masque of the Red Death), and expanded it from there.

She wasn't interested in having kids. So he bought her a couple cats, and expanded into humans from there. They now have two kids.

And to answer your objection, no, she's still not a gamer by any sense of the word. But she'll play with him occasionally and have a good time.

Re:Simple:

[Creepy]

My wife plays board games already sometimes, and has played RPGs. When she tries to play video games, it is always at parties or when I have friends over and she wants to join in... but lacks controller skills to even play Little Big Planet. I own a PS3 and several gaming computers and she can practice any time, but she only wants to play when people are doing it socially. Unfortunately, she gets frustrated with me as a teacher and won't do it alone :P

Re:Simple:

[butalearner]

Not sure why you got no love for this. The Sims was the gateway drug for my wife. Since (like the OP) we have kids now, she doesn't play as much as she used to...she mostly sticks to Sim City 4 and The Sims 3 these days. But back before the kids, The Sims got her started, and then she became interested in what I was playing. At the peak of it, we had a ton of fun playing Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles on the GameCube together. That game hit all the right high notes: we had to work together, it wasn't graphically violent, there are few buttons (we played with Game Boy Advances) and it wasn't twitch-based, her contribution was critical (each GBA showed a different screen, I couldn't go off on my own or do everything). And it was deep, too: she liked planning out the races and professions we would pick, and she liked collecting the plans for various weapons and gathering the materials to build them. We actually restarted several times when she'd change her mind because of that. But YMMV on that; I think the first bits are the more universally enjoyable parts. Note that I didn't really think about all this stuff at the time, but based on what I said, it makes sense why we never really got into any other games as much as that one.

Oh yeah, I have also turned her into a Fire Emblem fanatic, so we'll probably end up getting a 3DS entirely for the new one. But that had nothing to do with playing together.

Re:Simple:

[Pseudonym]

Yeah, I'm with you about controller skills. My wife is fine with a mouse or the Wiimote, but claims the XBox controller "looks intimidating". She said she might change her mind if there was a good co-op RPG we could play together, though. I'm thinking something from the Fable series.

Re:Simple:

[ax_42]

For your info: I just lost 16-11 to my girlfriend in Tekken 6 on xbox369, but I blame it on the fact that she was sitting there topless the entire time. True story.

XBOX369 - at least that explains what you did afterwards :)

Re:Simple:

[Cederic]

Since (like the OP) we have kids now, she doesn't play as much as she used to

A lot of the people I chat to in MMOs (rather than mindlessly killing shit without conversing, which also happens) are parents sat at home looking after the kids.

They tend to be perfectly capable at the game and if you can tolerate the occasional "oh, she's woken up - hang on, need to change/feed/cuddle/laugh at her" then you get interesting and adult people to game with.

Daytime it's mostly women, late nights it's mostly men. Often I find myself gaming with a couple, so you only lose one of them if the child needs attention, but they both appreciate having someone patient to chat to while they wait for their partner to return.

So to reply to the 'how to get my gf into gaming' question, consider MMOs. They're designed to teach you gradually how to game, they have interesting storylines, if she's always got someone alongside her then it's more social and slightly easier, and she can take a less overtly combative role on most games if that's what she prefers.

Of course, she can also build the ultimate warrior of arse-kicking doom if that's what she prefers too.

Re:Simple:

[Cederic]

he bought her a couple cats, and expanded into humans from there

You mind if I sell this concept to people needing a start point for a book / movie / play? I can think of at least four genres this could be turned into.

Re:Simple:

[JosKarith]

Borderlands 2 is so much more fun co-op than single player - my wife and I played B1 seperately but decided to go through B2 together. Sh likes the close-in Siren, I snipe as teh Assassin. The nearest we get to arguments is, entertainingly, in the driving sections where she doesn't appreciate my habit of using the shortest route possible no matter what that involves driving over/off...

Re:Simple:

[Cederic]

Indeed, while skiing, canoeing and racing all follow different rules.

Of course, the English language is joyfully versatile so if I did "oh, he's upstairs musicking" people would accept and understand.

Re:Simple:

[Cederic]

Get him started on a scarf. Don't tell him how to finish until it's improbably long. Wear it any time you can so that he feels appreciated.

Buy him a knitting machine. Let him hack it. Challenge him to install linux and teach it to knit the results of Google image searches.

Re:Simple:

[Cederic]

Just for clarification, does this include people that game on PC rather than xbox/PS3?

I didn't get desperately sick before I turned 40 so I'm hoping PC gaming makes me immune.

Btw, see my post above re: ladies gaming. Add in the number of women I know that game, in various ways, and/or are happy that their partner games because it gives them time to engage in their own interests.

Re:Simple:

[SJHillman]

We've tried tabletop games. She can't do those without the TV on (it's how she grew up), and spends more time looking at the TV than playing the game, which frustrates me to no end

Re:Simple:

[Gurthang99]

I would suggest Farmville or any of the cooperative Facebook games. Women love to socialize and these kinds of games reward that activity. Once she is into any kind of video game, it will be relatively easy to attract her to another.

Re:Simple:

[phorm]

What wrong with crocheting?

Re:Simple:

[tehcyder]

I do get tired of people with addictive personalities complaining about the thing they're addicted to.

It's much easier to blame drugs/gambling/gaming than taking a good look at yourself in the mirror.

Re:Simple:

[ShakaUVM]

If you want to interview my friend for it, he works at Microsoft.

Re:Simple:

[issicus]

yeah I think your right about HOMM . I remember doing hot seat on HOMM3, maybe it's the "it's your turn" that makes it like a board game that does it. probably any game where you actually have to talk to the other player. I hear "we love katamari" (ps2) is like that, check out the gamespot review.

Re:Simple:

[trdrstv]

I'm in much the same boat looking for a game both my girlfriend and I would enjoy. She's open to the idea of it, we just haven't found a multiplayer game we're both into (although there are a lot of single player games we both enjoy, especially the Sim- and Sims series).

Find out what she likes and (more importantly what she) doesn't like about games. My fiance HATES twich games that take very fast reflexes and quick decisions like fighting games, so I started her out with turn based games and branched out from there.

You don't....

[djsmiley]

Either she'll game differently/better than you and you'll regret it.

Or all your time becomes gaming time when your together and you don't end up enjoying it.

Re:You don't....

[Anonymous Coward]

Either she'll game differently/better than you and you'll regret it.

Or all your time becomes gaming time when your together and you don't end up enjoying it.

djsmiley know of what he speaks.

You will regret getting your spouse to game with you.

Oh, you've got kids too? You will DEEPLY regret getting your spouse to game with you.

Re:You don't....

[CaptainLard]

Hold on, you forgot to list the many many other scenarios that arise when it turns out she just doesn't like playing video games. Thats what you really need to be careful of.

This is a box you dont want to open.

[evil crash]

This is a decision you will soon regret. Go out and immerse yourself in the local culture, take the wife and kids. It's an experience you'll never have again, take advantage of that rather than cooped up at home.

Re:This is a box you dont want to open.

[tverbeek]

If you're shallow enough to think that you can take in an entire local culture in a two week vacation, then gaming is probably the only thing for you.

Why game?

[CoreDump]

Why not do something active?

Why not get out and explore the country that you are in with your wife and kids?

Re:Why game?

[DNS-and-BIND]

Yeah, I can see you don't know expats. They interact with the local culture as little as possible.

Re:Why game?

[SerpentMage]

Yeah I know and this is why I interact as little as possible with expats!!!! I have been a foreigner for most of my life, and even in my "home" country I am a foreigner. But what gets me are expats that come into a country and behave like the locals need to adapt to them. I say F**K YOU! The locals don't need to do squat for you.

I have lived in many countries in vacation or expat areas and have learned that the locals look at you with a double face, nice to you to take your money, but speak ill of you when your back is turned. When you attempt to integrate with them, learn their language you will still be that foreigner, but the foreigner they will say to their friends "he's ok he is one of us."

Of course there are exceptions to the rule (eg Saudi Arabia) and trying to interact with the locals is going to be more complicated. HOWEVER, you can still try, and still hope a bit... Remember as an expat it is your behavior that the locals will remember and propagate. So if you are an Anglo who behaves like an Anglo, they will forever hate Anglo's....

Re:Why game?

[GNious]

In all fairness, some expects end up in places where the local culture shouldn't be interacted with...

Re:Why game?

[phantomfive]

Isn't that weird? I've never understood that.

Re:Why game?

[x_IamSpartacus_x]

OP Here.
I am often out exploring Mozambique. It's not about that. I am looking for something my wife and I can do in the evenings together (2 or 3 times per week) instead of watching something from our drying up movie collection. It wouldn't interfere with time with my kids, they are sleeping by 8:00 PM and we can't go out after that with them down in the house. I just want something I can spend 4-8 hours per week on with my wife in the evenings after 8 PM.

Re:Why game?

[x_IamSpartacus_x]

Submitter here.
Yes, it is very weird. I don't really hang out with other expats who have that mentality. I live here and I'm happy to be here. It's my home, my kids were born here, they are citizens of this country and I don't want to create an American bubble around myself and my family. I'm actually a missionary and, let me assure you, I spend a LOT of time with the culture I'm in. I'm not trying to avoid spending time with Mozambicans. I'm trying to find an interactive activity I can do with my wife in the evenings after our kids go down. We don't have many board games, we can't go out (they kids are asleep in the house) and we are often sitting around without many options for evening entertainment except movies or TV shows on DVD. I want to invite her to join something I really enjoy doing (computer gaming) and find a lot of value in. It's nothing to do with avoiding local culture or neglecting my kids (as other posters have assumed).

Re:Why game?

[interkin3tic]

That's a weird generalization. Have you ever been an expat? The initial excitement lasts maybe a few weeks, you're still in vacation mode. Eventually though, you crave familiarity your R&R. Going out and sampling the local culture doesn't occupy the same space as leisure, it's just not relaxing.

When I was living overseas, I spent every weekend going out and seeing as much as I could. Evenings during weekdays, on the other hand, I wanted to relax. I played a lot of CivIII and spent a lot of time IMing with friends back home. Working all day and then being a tourist or trying to have cultural experiences got exhausting to the point where neither was any fun.

Re:Why game?

[nnet]

...and when you asked your wife what SHE wanted to do for those 4-8 hrs/week?

Re:Why game?

[englishknnigits]

That works during the day just fine. What about at night? Most night time activities that they could participate in without hiring a baby sitter every night are indoors. The inside options are things like reading, watching movies, and playing games. He would rather game. She would rather not. He wants to try and bridge that gap if possible.

I agree with most people here that he probably shouldn't even bother trying. If she isn't interested, she isn't interested. I've also seen problems arise when couples game together because of the frequent, vast difference in skill level (as the OP stated). If one is much better than the other, one or both will usually end up getting frustrated.

Re:Why game?

[eharvill]

I believe he said he has 3 kids under the age of three, the effort has surely been made already!

Re:Why game?

[servognome]

I had the same experience. You quickly just revert to the things that you did at home to enjoy. If you didn't go to art galleries, museums, clubbing, or camping, that doesn't change when you're in another country. Luckily, I enjoyed sports so going to the bar to watch some games was my way of mixing in a bit.

Re:Why game?

[prefec2]

Why? Are they stupid? How will they ever understand the host culture, if they do not interact with them. Of course you can do the Walmart thing in Germany and fail. Or do the Media-Markt thing in China and fail. It is essential to business to understand the culture. And from a personal perspective it will enrich your live.

Re:Why game?

[sky75]

I am a girl, who was gotten into gaming by a former boyfriend. Boyfriend is long gone but I still game. First, start with games that have a very compelling plot. I highly recommend Silent Hill 2, which is still one of my favorite games of all time. It's like a romance novel with monsters. Also as others suggested, The Sims. Being able to create little story lines is very appealing for female gamers. Next, get her into a game that has a lot of character creation involved. The one game that really sucked me in was Diablo 2, and in that version there weren't even a lot of female characters. When she does finally play with you, make sure you adjust your skill level to hers - it's tempting for the more experienced player to just do everything because it's faster, but that will turn her off quickly.

Re:Why game?

[Cammi]

Cowarding again? Figures. Try reading my post this time. Choose an unhealthy life style, your life becomes short ... real simple. Not a lot of people can take facts, but hey .... welcome to Earth.

Start socially and cooperatively

[sco08y]

Get friends together so she's not the only inexperienced person, and so she can take a break when she wants. Do stuff like Rock Band that is cooperative and easily adjusted for new players.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[Billly Gates]

I second that. MMOs have big cult followings among women.

Women are just different. They are social beings. They want to integrate people and technology into their already existing lives. Not use it to get away as a stress reliever like men. The fact you need downtime makes them resentful. However if sheis included like in Wow has an appeal.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[SuilAmhain]

The experience and wisdom behind your comment warrants a much higher score.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[sco08y]

I second that. MMOs have big cult followings among women.

Women are just different. They are social beings. They want to integrate people and technology into their already existing lives. Not use it to get away as a stress reliever like men. The fact you need downtime makes them resentful. However if sheis included like in Wow has an appeal.

Women are, in aggregate, different, but I wouldn't go so far as to assume that any particular woman is that way.

What we do know is she's not a gamer, and that's more than just not knowing how the console works.

If it's a movie one person in a relationship doesn't like, they can zone out or just snuggle. With gaming, though, it's very different because if both parties aren't playing, the game is over.

Aside from the frustration of learning the game, not being good at it sucks, and losing sucks. You have to learn, when you're new at gaming, how to handle that frustration without it getting all personal or heated, or you're not going to enjoy it.

I think that's easier to do when there are people around and you're going to get more commentary and teasing from the peanut gallery, and that can be beneficial because you get more immediate feedback. But most of all you can just stop and let someone else take the controller and not feel like you're obliged to be playing.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[gregor-e]

In general, males are easier to hook into gaming because we're hardwired by evolution to respond to fight-or-flight, competitive, adrenaline-soaked combat. Those are really easy scenarios for developers to concoct. The rapid onset of these adrenaline rushes make these experiences much more addictive than other game reward activities. Females are more hardwired to gain reward from slower activities such as resource gathering, nurturing and social interaction. These are much slower rewards and are therefore less addictive. Since real life offers females many opportunities for obtaining these sorts of rewarding experiences, it is challenging for game designers to create games that tap into these reward systems for females in ways that exceed what they can get from ordinary life. Contrarily, although competitive sports offer the same adrenaline-soaked competitive rewards for males, there are limits to how much of this real-world reward males can get. Stamina, age, physical conditioning, injuries, and desk-bound, pasty-faced-nerditude all conspire to make the guaranteed rewards of gaming easily competitive against real-world experiences for males. This is why it is easier to hook males on gaming, and why, even if you can interest a female in gaming, she will probably prefer games that are fundamentally different from games that males prefer.

That said, you might try a pretty game that offers a lot of exploration and crafting. At the moment, I'd say your best bet might be Guild Wars 2. It is a beautiful game, with many different ways to advance. If you like, you can simply explore to gain XP. There are many activities that do not require combat. One could probably make a full game of exploring and buying resources to craft into better shields and weapons. Of course, this doesn't exactly add up to the same-game nirvana that you're probably hoping for.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[Billly Gates]

Funny you mentioned GW2. I had a former female friend who tried to get me into that game. In that or most MMOs a women can use her biological rewards grinding and collecting herbs and earning the hard core raiding great in the process. My exwife loved doing that and I despiced the work.

But the social interaction where you spend time together and get away together with friends is not threatening like playing Halo 3 by yourself and ignoring her while the house is a wreck or when you need to do chores. Otherwise you end end up with a situation like this? I think having it pretty is not that important.

In addition I also notice the women who play Sims create relationships iwth the characters and even get them to make out which I find humorous. I guess the social structure in addition to the patience oriented things appeal more.

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[Jesrad]

That's a stupid generalisation. My wife plays LoL for the expressed purpose of "hitting people and killing stuff", as a stress-reliever (she's having a bad time at her job).

Re:Start socially and cooperatively

[trdrstv]

Rock Band + friends + booze + no fail mode = Good times.

Clueless

[mspohr]

The cluelessness of the nerd knows no bounds.

Re:Clueless

[Anonymous Coward]

This is a joke, right? Even the tone of this is utterly rediculous.

Because of my long experience, gaming comes naturally to me and so even on a game I haven't played I would probably be much better than she.

Yes, it's fair to say, you are probably superior to your wife in almost every way. She's probably used to that by now. Now go outside and try the game of Real Life; whilst it may not come naturally to you it can be very rewarding.

Re:Clueless

[sco08y]

This is a joke, right? Even the tone of this is utterly rediculous.

It's "ridiculous", from the verb ridicule. (Yes, I know, feeding the troll, but some people honestly don't know how to spell that word.)

Re:Clueless

[Anonymous Coward]

the dude has a wife of 4 years and kids, pretty sure he's playing the game of real life better than you are.

Re:Clueless

[Anonymous Coward]

This. A thousand times this.

I used to work for NGOs in India, China, and Vietnam. While the marriages lasted when the women also worked in development, not once did I see a marriage last in rural Asia when the woman was a SAHM or a teacher.

Try thinking about it from a different perspective for a minute. Would you want to game if you had, essentially, two jobs -- yours and housework/childcare? How would you have any energy for it? Keep in mind that living overseas tends to be much rougher on Western (and particularly American) women than on men. This is triply true if you're in a non-Western country. People in all the non-Western nations I've worked in to view American women as the women from SATC and harass us whenever we leave the house by ourselves. It's unpleasant, dangerous, and emotionally draining.

And remember, doing twice as much work as your father does not equal doing the same amount of housework and childcare as your wife. If you want her to game, try actually doing the same amount of work as she does. Then maybe she'll have enough energy for it.

You may actually save yourself money on a divorce in a few years, too. I've heard the OP's story dozens of times, and marriage does not sound like it's in good shape and the OP's not understanding what's really going on -- at all. He doesn't need to play games with his wife -- he needs marriage counseling. Back in the States.

Re:Clueless

[x_IamSpartacus_x]

OP Here.
Holy hell, that's a lot of assumptions about me! It's really not offensive and it kinda makes me laugh and I guess my submission doesn't really describe my entire situation so I can't really blame you. I would probably tend to agree with you about most cases of people who live overseas, especially doing NGO work.
An honest, "Thank you" for caring about my marriage and family.
I may be flattering myself but I really think my marriage is awesome. My wife and I love each other immensely and we support each other quite a bit in the work we do.
My basic situation is this: Work situation aside, we have our kids in bed by about 7:30 or 8 each night and after that we have very few entertainment options. We don't do this every single night but we often find ourselves watching a movie or TV show on DVD together. This works well and I have no complaints, it's just that our DVD collection has been watched enough that we are both looking for new entertainment options when we want to wind down together in the evenings. I'm just looking for ideas for how to spend 4-8 hours per week with my wife and engage her in what I find to be a rewarding and entertaining pastime; computer gaming. I have almost completely stopped computer gaming after getting married and it wasn't a hard decision to make. I gladly left those games behind when we got married and I don't begrudge the sacrifice at all. I'm not addicted to anything, she's not looking for more attention from me, I just want to do something new with her and I thought the Slashdot community might be a resource for finding out.

Re:Clueless

[PsychoSlashDot]

So you say someone is being sexist... and then follow up with a load of sexist bullcrap pseudo-psychology. Seriously?

Well, the GP post to which he was replying was highly sexist, so there is that. The take-home message that AC delivered was "no matter what, you aren't doing as much work as your woman, you don't experience as much stress as your woman, and you are Doing It Wrong." While that may be accurate in some or even many cases, it's not clear that it is in most, and it's pure speculation if it's accurate in the OP's case.

That being said, I'm of the opinion that the OP's premise is faulty. The correct answer is "ask her if she's got any interest." Asking how to get one's spouse to do such-and-such-a-hobby begs the response "same way she gets you to do the things she likes that you don't." People tend to do what they want to do. Weird. So, if she's not a gamer it's probably because she doesn't want to be. At best the OP can expose her to a couple video games to see if any genre happens to draw her interest, but I doubt that many adult Americans have no idea what video game variety looks like.

Re:Clueless

[sesshomaru]

Have you ever tried her on the Sims? I've been married 14 years and the only game I ever saw her get into was something called Mafia Wars for iPhone.

She and I have similar tastes in movies and Tv, though she was more upset when they killed a major character in season 2 of Boardwalk Empire than I was...

Re:Clueless

[jimshatt]

Well, for me deathmatch knitting always resulted in too much blood and sometimes an abortion. So, I'd go for something cooperative. Maybe a Massively Muliplayer Knitting with some friends over. That said, maybe some spool knitting is really the thing for him. Good luck!

Re:Clueless

[Macgrrl]

Men relax by "getting away from things". Women generally cannot do this. Women need things in order in order to relax, they don't "forget" about things not in order.

If you honestly believe this and you want your female partner to relax, then surely the best thing you could do is help her get the most out of control things under control so that she can relax.

Marry a man

[Anonymous Coward]

That ought to do it.

Re:Marry a man

[Anonymous Coward]

Why not go one step further and marry someone exactly like you in every possibly way. That's surely the best way persue the perfect relationship.

Re:Marry a man

[simoncpu was here]

Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
With its Y chromosome changed to X.
And after it's grown,
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.

Re:Marry a man

[dadelbunts]

"When i said go fuck yourself i didnt mean it literally" - Arnold Schwartzenneger in The 6th Day

Re:Marry a man

[chilvence]

I can't be the only person that finds this idea horrifically disturbing, can I? That would be like watching a third person view of exactly how stupid I am....

Re:Marry a man

[Jesrad]

That, and all the recent discovery in epigenetics teaches us that the exact same DNA can express itself with much variation.

if me?

[M0j0_j0j0]

I think the Shii would be good option!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKwI4GP4seM

Try Borderlands 2

[ohms]

It has a very decent co-op mode, and adapts well to novice and hard-core gamers alike. Unlike many games, the storyline isn't repetitive/dull and is varied and engaging enough to keep at it for a while, with the main storyline missions and other optional missions to help build up cash and experience. So far, that's the only game that my girlfriend has played with me for more than 30 minutes (we play a lot of Borderlands, often at her insistence).

Re:Try Borderlands 2

[unrtst]

Been through this myself. In my case, she was open to gaming and even enjoyed watching me play some things, though I'm not a hard core gamer by any means. But it's been tough to find games we can both enjoy together.

Borderlands 2 isn't a bad idea. I found that it's a bit too complicated (the controls) for her. She manages and does ok, and she hasn't tried the new mech class yet, but it can still be a bit tough.

One game that we LOVED playing through: Lord of the Rings : War in the North (and neither of us are LotR fans).

One series that I'd live to do with her, which is only on PS2 (I own the game but not the console), is the Baldur's gate series:
Baldur's Gate: Dark Aliance
Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance II
Champions of Norrath
Champions: Return to Arms

I had to look those up to get the names cause it's been so long. In doing so, I just learned that, besides BG:DAII, they were all developed by or with Snowblind Studios. So, just a note: I'm not associated with them in ANY way... guess I just like their games.

If any one of those works out, you'll probably enjoy all of them. I wish they'd do some more, and/or re-release those things for the PS3.

Make a trade...

[Anonymous Coward]

...of time spent with one of her favorite hobbies. Spend some time doing something she likes or promise that you will in the future (and follow through of course if you ever want her to play again). Companionship isn't rocket science...

will let you know

[Anonymous Coward]

will let you soon as i get a wife - still working on getting a girlfriend first and leaving mom's house...

You view this as a problem that requires solving?

[Anonymous Coward]

People have different interests, even your wife. Try taking an interest in the activities she's doing while you're gaming; maybe you'll like them.

Portal 2 then _____

[peon_a-z,A-Z,0-9$_ !]

I think its as simple as playing a game that is very *fun* and then playing another game that is very *fun* and there you have it. Start with Portal 2 (great co-op for any skill level) and then continue looking for good Co-Op games.

Re:Portal 2 then _____

[Jesrad]

Seconded. Most non-gaming wives don't play videogames solely because of some prejudice or plain fear of the unknown. When my wife started playing LoL from her own initiative, she wondered "why didn't I start playing such games earlier ?".

Re:Portal 2 then _____

[coldandcalculating]

I got my wife to start playing Portal first, then Portal 2. She has also enjoyed the Torchlight series.

Still doesn't play L4D. This is a slow process, but it has been fun.

The best way to keep her from being embarrassed by her comparative skill level is to never bring it up. Tips are okay, but only if she asks for them. Obviously everybody is different, but think how annoying gaming would have been to you if someone hovered over your shoulder while you were learning to play.

It's in the wiring...

[gatorBYTE]

Dude, I've been married for over thirty years and have never been able to get my wife into gaming... unless it was "Bubbles" on her iPhone or a simple solitary type game. She just has no desire to play and/or sees it as too much work. It is not fun for her at all; needless to say I am the exact opposite.

Re:It's in the wiring...

[hoboroadie]

She just has no desire to play and/or sees it as too much work. It is not fun for her at all... I am the exact opposite.

Before video games were invented, I found I was quite indifferent to the charms of pinball, foosball, and all that. Once my son started, against my advice, to play games, then I found an awful lot of enjoyment keeping him upgraded with all the latest system busses and chipsets. As I have aged, it's gotten to where cards and chess seem tedious and laborious.
Lots of mutually exclusive activities in my spousal relations and I prefer that. Stone age societies have taboos to keep the women off on their own things, there's probably some reason back of it.

I enjoy Star Wars Podracer, and that's it for me. YMMV.

Do your part

[nierdal]

1st step : Trash those year old Doritos bags and keep your gaming room clean.

Re:Do your part

[Jmc23]

Try not to confuse your monitor post-its and your slashdot posts in the future.

Portal

[lattyware]

Not only is Portal a great game, but I have lots of non-gamer friends who enjoyed it, plus there is a sequel with co-op. It's also extremely good at training people to play the game, and teaching it's core mechanics. New gamers often find starting off hard as most games presume so much knowledge of general gaming. Portal lowers that barrier to entry significantly.

Re:Portal

[lattyware]

As a note, that's not to imply I am advocating evangelising gaming - gaming is great, and if she is (even slightly) interested herself, great. If she has truly no interest, then don't try and force her to get into it. It might just not be her thing.

Re:Portal

[lattyware]

Definitely - a few of the friends who have tried Portal have fallen at the first hurdle - gamers don't think of character movement as a skill, as it's so heavily ingrained after playing a few games, but I've seen people try to play Portal and have issues running into walls and stuff, just unable to figure out movement with a stick (weirdly, a lot of people I know actually do better with WASD than a controller, which seems counter-intuitive to me). Another thing that really gets people is moving and looking around at the same time, which is vital in many games. The upside is, that if you can get past that, Portal eases you in pretty gently.

Re:Portal

[Ksevio]

I tried that, but it ended with a lot of yelling at 3 AM about how I must have intentionally dropped her into the poison water by removing the bridge.

Re:Portal

[Smauler]

Mod parent up - I was going to say something like this.

Another game you could try is Torchlight 2. Loads of fun co-op, the better player can carry the worse player a bit without it seeming obvious, and there are lots of character builds that are very easy to play (prismatic bolt embermage, glaive outlander). I'd recommend playing on normal difficultly, and if you start dying a bit get used to putting portals up. Dying does not confer any major penalty either, which is good for new gamers.

Re:Portal

[lattyware]

Sounds like success to me!

Re:Portal

[lattyware]

Not everything can be to everyone's taste, unfortunately. Portal is great, and I'd think more people than average will like it, but obviously pleasing everyone is a pipe dream.

Portal 2

[jones_supa]

Portal 2 has a nice co-op mode (video), you solve the puzzles together. It could be fun.

Re:Portal 2

[atomican]

You watch them too? Sometimes I think they sound like a couple when they bicker...

Get a life dude

[Anonymous Coward]

Are you that much of a loser that you would take the time to write to a forum such as this asking for help in turning someone into as big a nerd as you are? Just be grateful you were able to dupe a female into marrying you and don't push it.

Re:Get a life dude

[the.well.loved.wife]

As the "female that was duped"... My husband is the most adventurous, romantic, thoughtful, smart, incredibly sexy man I have yet to encounter, and I have extensively traveled the world and have quite a broad prospective to compare to. Not to mention, I am really hot. Our spiritual life, family life, social life, and sex life are awesome. SO, get off your high horse. I love my husband and I love spending time together doing things we both enjoy.

Prince of Persia a relic?

[bikin]

Hunt the Wumpus and Zork are relics, and Super Mario Bros. and Gianna Sisters are scrollers. Now, get off my lawn!

Re:Prince of Persia a relic?

[doti]

Also, Prince of Persia on Win95?!

Prince of Persia was a DOS game (originally Apple II).

Your perspective is wrong.

[cheddarlump]

Speaking as a gamer who got married and had kids, as well as somebody who lived overseas: Spend the time meeting your wife and kids in activities that THEY like,and explore the huge world around you IRL. The gaming will wait a few years, your wife won't feel abandoned in a foreign land, and when the kids get older, they'll love gaming with you (can be your "thing" with them). I have a gaming rig that I haven't even turned on in 2 months.. Sad, but time with the family is priority one for me, and I'll be honest in saying that there were many times I had to CHOOSE to make it that way, as my selfish feelings told me to sit in the basement many times. If your wife IS interested, I agree with above that Portal would be a good start, in coop mode.

Re:Your perspective is wrong.

[Dexter Herbivore]

I've been reading through these comments and most of them are either entirely negaitive or only partially helpful. You seem to have hit on the correct answer here, cheddarlump. Go out and see more of the local area, if you have done that then Portal is the usual recommendation to introduce non-gamers to gaming. There's always board and card games too, a gamer by heart doesn't fuss too much about the medium. :)

Re:Your perspective is wrong.

[TranquilVoid]

As a few follow-up posts by the OP indicate, this is off the mark. These are the parameters;
* It's nighttime
* The kids are already in bed.
* He and his wife already spend half of their evenings watching movies together
* They are running out/getting sick of movies

He wonders if playing games together might complement the movies if he can find the right games for his wife to enjoy. Anyone have any suggestions?

To the OP my wife enjoys RTS games and is usually willing to play these (typically the older Command & Conquer/Red Alert or Age of Empires). They can generally be played competitively or cooperatively against the computer. Older games that don't require an internet connection may be more suitable for your area.

Try Minecraft

[Anonymous Coward]

I think Minecraft would be a good way to start. You can build things together and your spouse has no "he is better than me"-pressure. Start with a peaceful world and some times later you can turn on mobs and be her guardian while she adapts to the new aspect. My wife and I are playing games together since we know each other and MC became one of our alltime-favorites :)

Re:Try Minecraft

[zippthorne]

Problem is that Minecraft runs on Java, which has been in the news a lot lately for security holes...

Re:Try Minecraft

[nedlohs]

You don't have to have the browser plugin running in order to have java installed and working for local applications.

Board games

[AarYar]

My wife doesn't do much gaming with me but she will play Catan, Carcassonne and Acquire with me. It's a compromise I'm happy with.

Re:Board games

[bibliophage]

If you like Catan but don't like setting up the board, check this out. There are still a few rules that aren't implemented yet, but the game is playable.

http://www.colonists-of-tacan.com/

If you want progress reports on the coding:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/94373105547/

you can't get your spouse to do anything.

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't try to change your partner. accept the differences and don't try to force them to sharing your interests. Same with your kids, as techies/geeks, it's an appealing thought that we can program people as we would a python script, to see the world our way.

the reality is that enjoying modern gaming relies on the player being trained by previous generations of games.
I would love for my wife to experience games like Portal or Dear Esther, but I know since she never played any 3rd person shooter the controls are way too complex. Remember when Quake came out? and you had to worry for the first time about actually having to look up to shoot something?.
I asked her what games she did play as a kid. she said "super mario!" I said "cool..." (thinking supermeatboy/braid etc.) "...did you have a NES or a SNES?", she said "no supermario on the battery LCD pocket game", That said I plan to play the double fine adventure with her when it comes out.

Start small

[Evelas]

Take it a step at a time, our interests in gaming didn't appear overnight. Start with board/card games like Settlers of Catan or Munchkin. Play those with mutual friends, it may help build up her interest. Settlers of Catan is only a step away from Civilization games. If she has any friends that play Magic the Gathering, that can be a good start too, and the artwork may draw her in, or the collecting. Use these to bring out her interest, then try straightforward, shorter, but good games, like Portal. But don't just recommend your favorite games, ask what she's interested in. If she isn't sure, slowly try out a genre at a time. Avoid first person shooters at all cost unless you are positive she's interested in them.

I have had some success

[sheetsda]

Same situation here. I'm a hardcore gamer, she is not. In PC terms I have had success with Orcs Must Die 2 and Portal 2. I also tried Magicka but that didn't seem to be her to tastes. All are available on Steam. Portal 2's level editor provides a lot of replayability and we're currently working our way through Nightmare difficulty on Orcs Must Die 2. I got her to try these when we started doing "His/Hers nights" where each of us has 1 weeknight to totally dictate what activities we do that night (with the intent that whatever we do will be together). OMD2 has been so successful we've played it on a few of her nights or nights that or not either of ours.

On the Wii the Lego series of games has been a huge hit, especially since she's a Harry Potter fan. Replayability is limited after you 100% each of them (number of hours varies, typically 20-40).

All of these games are specifically 2 player coop.

Re:I have had some success

[Anonymous Coward]

>> each of us has 1 weeknight to totally dictate what activities we do that night (with the intent that whatever we do will be together)

A three-way?

Re:I have had some success

[x_IamSpartacus_x]

OP Here:
Thanks. This is the kind of situation I'm in, and your suggestions seem like good one's. I'll look into those.

Re:I have had some success

[chester_nut]

I have had great success with Orcs Must Die 2 as well, 2 player coop is the key without a doubt. The other thing to consider is her prior gaming experience - my SO had a playstation when she was younger and so her manual dexterity is up to the challenge, whereas I know people who would struggle with the simple point and click part of shooting at the enemies.

Point and Click Adventures, No Mouselook!

[tstrunk]

First of all: If your wife never played games in her life, forget everything with Mouselook / Dual-Stick for the moment. It won't work. Forget WoW, because also that requires mouselook. It will frustrate her.

Try games, where reaction time is not required, games which are story driven similar to a movie.
My vote goes to something like Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. Played it together with the girlfriend on the wii and we both had a blast puzzling and solving cases. General Point & Click Adventures can provide a similar experience.

If you want to try something new with coop, which quite probably will not require so many skills, try The Cave, which will be out on the 23rd.

Re:Point and Click Adventures, No Mouselook!

[ragnvaldr]

This.

Exactly what I was going to say. My fiancee is terrible at dexterous video games, but loves point and clicks.
Granted, she grew up playing them, so she's got a little more interest than your wife might.

But this way you have two options:
A.) You can now play your video games, guilt free, right next to her while she plays hers.
B.) If she's stuck or if you like point and clicks as well or for whatever reason you can sit there with her and play it together by figuring out the puzzles, talk about where to go next, etc.
Games we've done like this are the Nancy Drew games and Monkey Island games.

Also, Sims works and she even got into KotOR, since movement isn't imperative and you can pause combat as much as you'd like. It helps that she's already a big RPer and SW nerd though, so a lot of it will just depend on your wife's interests.

Another alternative, which I'm sure people have mentioned are some Kinect or Wii games, like Wii Sports, Mario Cart, etc.

Re:Grow up?

[hoboroadie]

Surely, you jest.
I am the least grown up of nearly any man I know (Well- I do know a lot of musicians), and have never taken to video games. I spent many hours of my youth watching my friends play Donkey Kong, &c. but could not do it myself. Not everyone will enjoy it.

Does she like pinball? or other stuff like gun gam

[Joe_Dragon]

Does she like pinball? or other stuff like gun games?

liquidwar

[10am-bedtime]

First of all, congrats on focusing on life outside of computers. Good on you.

Next, to answer your question. How about liquidwar?

Does she want to?

[CaptainLard]

If she's willing to give it a shot then it probably doesn't matter what you start with or if you beat her every time (btw why play competitive games against her?). But if you are just "getting her to game" you're headed for disaster. Before I was married I tried to "get her to autocross" (driving your car in a timed run around cones in a parking lot) because whats more fun than throwing your car around in a safe environment with a bunch of other gearheads right? Disaster. She is not a speed freak. Right after the inspection she was too upset to do anything and ended up leaving. I had ruined BOTH of our days trying to get her to have what I consider fun. I'm glad I learned that lesson before we got married (and yes we did in fact get married). The moral is: the most important thing you gotta think of is how is she enjoying it. If she's not into it after a few honest attempts you best drop it.

HOWEVER

Why not just sneak in a little gaming on your own in what little free time you might have? You probably didn't game with her before you got married, you maybe you just need to find a new way to game thats still fun if your buddies aren't around. I realize this may be impossible with kids (which we don't have yet) but my wife is totally cool with all of my car hobbies. I went to a race track the weekend after we got back from our honeymoon and there were no complaints (visible or otherwise...I hope). Just because you're married doesn't mean you must have all the same hobbies. She doesn't try to get me into nail polish or knitting either. I just make sure we spend a good bit of the rest of our free time together.

Divorce her and marry a gamer.

[s0nicfreak]

Divorce her and marry a gamer.

The Lego Series

[dlamming]

Made for Wi and PS and Xbox, although I mainly have played on Wii.

Very good for cooperative gaming (up to 4 simulataneously), you can die an infinite number of times and all it does is lower your score (you res in-place). Versions based on popular movie series (Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc) are available for relatively cheap (if you wait until a year has passed). Great fun with my non-gamer wife!

It's a dick in a box!

[NetNinja]

First! You get a Box
Two Cut a hole in it
Three but your dick in a box.

Guess it depends on the girl

[zifn4b]

Some girls don't like games but here are some to try that the female population seems to be more receptive to in my experience:

Party Games: Guitar Hero, Mario Party, Wii Party, Scene It, Monopoly Streets
Multiplayer Platformers: Mario Kart, New Super Mario Bros, Donkey Kong Country, Little Big Planet
Puzzle Games: Bejeweled, Peggle, Hidden Object Games like Mystery Case Files
Adventure Games: Back to the Future (big hit with my fiancee, we played through the whole thing)

For the more girly girls, you might need to go with something with the "cute" factor. Little Big Planet is especially good at this one. You can put stickers on stuff and dress your sack boy/girl. It's also multiplayer. Co-op is usually a plus.

Re:Guess it depends on the girl

[LocalH]

Multiplayer Platformers: Mario Kart

You just made my head hurt.

Re:Guess it depends on the girl

[rasmusbr]

Some girls don't like games but here are some to try that the female population seems to be more receptive to in my experience:

Party Games: Guitar Hero, Mario Party, Wii Party, Scene It, Monopoly Streets

Multiplayer Platformers: Mario Kart, New Super Mario Bros, Donkey Kong Country, Little Big Planet

Puzzle Games: Bejeweled, Peggle, Hidden Object Games like Mystery Case Files

Adventure Games: Back to the Future (big hit with my fiancee, we played through the whole thing)

For the more girly girls, you might need to go with something with the "cute" factor. Little Big Planet is especially good at this one. You can put stickers on stuff and dress your sack boy/girl. It's also multiplayer. Co-op is usually a plus.

Or pretty much any game where the majority of the female characters don't look like they're about to walk onto a porno shot. Lot's of women are into Bethesda's 'hardcore' games for example. I think that's probably partially because Bethesda has done their homework on what puts women off.

Re:Grow up

[geekmux]

I hate to break it to you but she grew up and you didn't.

I hate to break it to you, but it's not elementary kids feeding the gaming industry to the tune of a billion dollars a year. Adults game, and there's not a damn thing wrong with it unless you allow it to become one.

Hell, I'd rather find a fellow adult co-worker who games to blow off steam than wonder when that quiet shy guy in the corner cube is gonna suddenly snap one day and murder the entire office because he can't seem to find an outlet to deal with adult stress.

Gaming does have its benefits for all ages. True, it also has its downsides, especially for those who become addicted. But when is that not true for anything in life.

Lure her with a nice story!

[Isperion]

I suggest that you first try to present her games with a nice story, that she can watch while you play - and even suggest interactions. Games like Heavy Rain would do the trick. Later, she couls be presented to games with puzzles - and try to solve them with you (the Uncharted serie would do this trick). You can even just do this - believe in me, having your wife watching you play and even helping you out is as nice as her being your player 2...
After seing games as a media for interesting stories and started to interact with them, she would be ready to take the joystick, maybe with coop games like Little Big Planet.
This approach really worked for me - in fact, it was my wife that asked me to answer this.

Easy: you don't.

[obarthelemy]

You make time for gaming, and for doing stuff both of you like.

I don't know what he/she likes that you don't, but what would it take for you to take THAT up ? Nothing doing, right ? same here...

Given that she isn't a gamer already

[Mordaximus]

I think your goal of playing co-op or combative games with her is a huge stretch for two reasons:

1) Your wife isn't a gamer now
2) Not every gamer likes co-op games or combative ones.

You may be able to introduce her to gaming and get her started, and if you do manage to do that, she's going to need time to discover which genres she enjoys. Your experience will help her there, since you can introduce her to a little bit of everything. At the end of the day, even IF she does pick up gaming, you might have to be happy that she finds a genre of games she likes and plays them, while you get to enjoy yours.

By the way: While I'm posting this my wife has been hogging the 360 all morning. I love it, and it's one of the reasons we're together in the first place; we've both been avid gamers since the 80s. Even though we both put in roughly the same amount of time gaming, it's very rare we play together, co-op or otherwise. Keep that in mind.

Let Me Explain

[Anonymous Coward]

Let me explain a little bit more...

You know those hours that you spend alone, immersed in a game while you own n00bs in BF3 or while you wage some pathetic WoW or LoL quest? What is your wife doing while this is going on? Is she cleaning, making dinner, keeping the kids occupied or watching a movie, leaving you uninterrupted for your fun?

Now, imagine she's gaming, spending hours immersed in a WoW or LoL quest, or worse still some ridiculous hours long farming stint. Imagine she's as addicted to that crap as you are. Who's cleaning, making dinner, watching the kids? I can tell you who won't be playing games for long stretches. I can tell you who won't be enjoying the fact that their spouse is gaming. You won't.

The proper course of action is for you to spend a little less time gaming and a little more time doing group activities with your family. Then you can enjoy your uninterrupted game time.

Regret, thy name is x_IamSpartacus_x

Re:Let Me Explain

[CohibaVancouver]

The proper course of action is for you to spend a little less time gaming and a little more time doing group activities with your family.

As a married guy with two kids under five I would largely agree, but I also think to some degree it depends on how much sleep you and your spouse need at night. My wife and I both need eight hours to survive, so between family stuff, cleaning, meal prep, bath time, bedtime stories and all that there's no time for games, other than 10 minutes of Angry Birds here and there. However, if you do fine on six hours (and by do fine I mean wake rested, ready to take on the day, not hitting snooze eleven times and then mainlining espresso just to stay alive) then I'd say that you probably have time for some gaming when the chores are done and the kids are asleep.

Re:Let Me Explain

[Beardo the Bearded]

As a separated guy with two kids, they make games for kids too.

"Ready to pwn some boglins, Dad?"

Re:Let Me Explain

[x_IamSpartacus_x]

OP here.
What I guess I didn't explain in the summary is that I DON'T game anymore since being married (and especially since having the kids). What I DO do is have 2 or 3 nights per week where my wife and I watch a movie or TV show on DVD together. I'm currently out of fresh movies and shows so that's why I'm looking for a game we can spend 4-8 hours per week on. Nothing addicted, nothing excessive, nothing even while the kids are awake (I have 3 under 3 and they go to bed by 7:30-8:00 PM). Just something to do to have fun in the evenings with my wife. Is there anything (besides things like Minecraft) that we could both enjoy together?

Re:Let Me Explain

[djsmiley]

Ok, now it makes a bit more sense.

My wife actually tells me to go play games some times. It does our relationship good to be apart some times too. She goes shopping, I stay in and play some games.

Granted I don't have kids *yet* and I know they'll eat some of our time together/alone however I currently can't imagine everything becoming so needy I have no time at all.

Re:Let Me Explain

[Psychofreak]

Heh. Wait till you bring the newborn home. The first few months may be impossible. I know I had it bad with my daughter having a few severe allergies that have proven to be life changing for myself and my diet, let alone my wife's diet and routines. However the first few months are all about the new one. (and god forbid if you have family and friends who expect you to entertain! Tip: send them to the store, or other errand before they come over, be sure to pay them back, cash, for what they spend that you ask for)

Then responsibility mounts, laundry, dishes, house cleaning, yard chores, vehicles, other hobbies...games get a close second to quite a many things for me. Christmas pageants, spring concerts, and extra-curricular activities for the child also take a huge chunk of time in just transportation needs, let alone showing for the big show!

I only get to game while my wife is working on "homework" from her office after our daughter is in bed. This ends up a couple times a week in a 2+ hour block.

We do "game" some together but it is limited to the multi-player WII offerings, or physical board games and cards, most of those offerings geared towards a younger child playing as well.

About the only game we play together online is "words with friends" (I am currently kicking her butt, though I lost by over 200 points last game)

Phil

Re:Let Me Explain

[eharvill]

My wife isn't much of a gamer (aside from a few of the IOS variety), but she took interest in the New Super Mario Brothers on the Wii a few years ago and has also enjoyed it on the Wii U, which has a few extra features to involve a 2nd person if you aren't playing in full co-op mode. She also starting getting into Mario Galaxy 2 as long as I was around to help her through some of the more challenging levels/bosses. About the only other game she showed any interest in was Plants vs. Zombies, which she has played on both the iPad and PC.

Something else you might want to consider (if you haven't already) are board games. We got a few that we could play as a family, focused around games my 6 year old could play and surprisingly the wife really enjoyed Castle Panic. I think she likes the co-op and strategy/thinking aspects of it. She didn't care for Castle Keep and we haven't had a chance to break out Catan: Junior yet. You'll have more variety to choose from since you aren't looking for something that a young child grasp. I went this route as I was tired of playing Monopoly, Sorry, etc, "classic" board games.

Re:Let Me Explain

[Lemmy Caution]

Everything will become so needy you will have no time at all.

Except when you h

Re:Let Me Explain

[Lemmy Caution]

Oops, that was supposed to be "except when you have a sitter." And then, unless you are insane, you will get the hell out of the house.

Re:Let Me Explain

[Serra]

My husband and I have played a lot of computer games together. We also have kids and like to play something casually for an hour or so after they have gone to bed. I would advise you to avoid 1st person shooters, real time strategy or anything that pits you against each other. I learned very quickly that I didn't like being "attacked" in games by my husband.

One of the first games we played was The Longest Journey. We sat next to each other and took turns controlling the mouse. It has a great plot and is an adventure / puzzle game, which might be a good introductory game.

Another really fun one for me was Terraria, which is sort of like a building game crossed with a side-scroller that allows for multiplayer.

My husband and I have been playing a lot of Torchlight II lately, which is an rpg that can be played cooperatively. You could also try Diablo 2, which is in the same vein, but I think Torchlight is more approachable.

Lastly, I really liked playing Civ IV cooperatively.

Good Luck!

Re:Let Me Explain

[Quirkz]

I've posted some suggestions elsewhere about actual games to play, but wanted to respond to the situation as you describe it here, too. There's a lot of evenings when our 18-month-old goes to bed, my wife watches some TV, and I sit next to her messing with the laptop, doing my own thing in parallel. Sometimes games, sometimes an online class, sometimes Slashdot. Often with headphones in, if I want to tune out the TV, but we're close enough we can both pause now and then if we have something to talk about, and that works pretty well for us when we aren't in the mood to watch or play the same thing.

Re:Let Me Explain

[jimshatt]

^ This should be modded up as it provides vital insights into the question.
The onus is on me too, to provide entertainment when the kids are asleep. Currently, there are a lot of series we watch, but in the past we've played video games as well. Simple ones like puyo-puyo and puzzle bobble (hacked Xbox running snes emulator). I hope I can get her onto the new Mario game on the Wii U, so we can co-op.

Re:Let Me Explain

[postglock]

As a married guy with two kids under five, I say: "we need to stop wasting time on Slashdot!"

Re:Let Me Explain

[Cederic]

I have a friend that games when his wife goes out. He leaves the kids to amuse themselves, takes a break to put them to bed, then enjoys himself gaming.

Sometimes if she's in he'll game just to spend time with his friends. Some guys I know will go out to the pub, some of my friends go out to play snooker; he plays an online game using a headset, and can still share physical presence with her.

This is of course ignoring the whole "working away from home" problem, where gaming is one of the least destructive ways of avoiding boredom in a another city. At least, when you're married it is ;)

Re:Let Me Explain

[manixrock]

I can vouch for Plants vs. Zombies being a big hit with non-gamers and especially with girls. On a tablet especially it's a sure hitter.

Re:Let Me Explain

[Stoopiduk]

My other half has very little interest in games beyond puzzle games on her mobile or FB, but my four year old son has a great time watching me play Minecraft. I never envisaged being forced to play video games by my child, but I'm sure as hell not complaining. He enjoys watching me create buildings and machines and I make a point of using the game to help with his reading and some problem solving.

He independently plays games on his tablet, and we often take turns on games like Angry birds and Cut the Rope. I don't think he's quite capable of grasping wasd and mouse yet, but I can't wait until he does!

TL;DR - Why not try seeing if your kids like video games?

Re:Let Me Explain

[JimFive]

Have you considered board games? There are several interesting looking cooperative games such as Pandemic, or competitive strategy games such as Settlers of Catan. Benefits of board games include the fact that the rules are usually explicit, straight-forward, and short. In addition it is easy to pause the game at any moment when one of your kids needs a parent right away. Also, board games may be less intimidating to your wife.

--
JimFive

Re:Let Me Explain

[jedwidz]

Yes, that - have kids and then game with them. Give the lady a break to do her own stuff.

Just be sure to pick games that are age-appropriate and don't dwell on them once the educational potential has been extracted. (Pretty much any game has at least *some* educational potential.)

Re:Let Me Explain

[trdrstv]

The proper course of action is for you to spend a little less time gaming and a little more time doing group activities with your family. Then you can enjoy your uninterrupted game time.

Why can't this be a family activity ? My Girlfriend and 5 year old son play Wii games together all the time. Sure I sometimes want to play games she isn't interested in or is inappropriate for my 5 year old, but we have a good time Playing Wii Party, Wii Sports Resort and the "Just Dance" games together as a family.

The Walking Dead?

[npuzzle]

Try the like of "The Walking Dead" by Telltale Games... It's an adventure game in which your decisions (mainly conversational) affect the course of the story. Put that in a post-apocalyptic world where zombies outnumber us and it'll keep you both on edge. I got my girlfriend who is the most anti-gaming person on the planet to play and she demands for more!

Long term process

[CmdrEdem]

Sure your wife has interests in certain themes that are explored in games. In my experience with women (that is not much by any stretch at all) they are not compelled by being a hero or combat like men are. Try more "mundane" experiences first, like The Sims or Harvest Moon for instance. You may not find it very fun but she may. When she gets used to controls (keyboard/mouse or gamepad) and knows that there are games that she may enjoy, introduce co-op games that you can enjoy together. She will already be used to how controls work and should be easier to explore other games, specially with you doing it together. Pick games you never played to start playing with her, so you are both learning together and teaching each other.

or Left for Dead

[monkeyhybrid]

I'm not sure I'd be trying to push her into gaming unless she's actually interested in doing so. Surely it'd be better to just find a hobby / activity that you both have a common interest in?

But that aside, I found Left for Dead was a great co-op game that could be enjoyed by people with different skill sets. My girlfriend is a much better FPS gamer than me and she had to save my arse frequently in that game but we still both had a lot of fun.

Games for newbies

[macaddict]

It's not clear if she's already a gamer, but if you just want something to get her into gaming, I'd recommend games like Portal, Dragon Age: Origins, Skyrim, Neverwinter Nights, Diablo, and Starcraft. They are fairly easy to learn and play, and I think the heavy story components of DA:O and Skyrim make them newbie friendly (it's engaging and not constant combat, just make sure to start her on the lowest difficulty level). And you can do multi-player together on Portal 2, NWN, Diablo and Starcraft.

If you want MMOs, maybe try something like LOTR Online if she is a fan of Tolkien, since it would be a familiar world.

If she's not into combat games, there are also many casual games and computer versions of board games that have multiplayer. My husband and I play Ticket to Ride, and I play Carcassonne with a friend who lives in another country.

figure out what style of games she likes; do those

[Anonymous Coward]

I've been gaming with my husband fairly regularly since we got married nearly 20 years ago (although our gaming did drop off dramatically when our oldest was born until our youngest child was 5--little ones require lots of time!). As far as I can tell, his strategy was to figure out what type of game *I* responded to best, and then play those with me. Sometimes he'd play them solo first to get through the learning curve and be able to coach me when I needed it (though he was also kind enough NOT to coach me when I wanted to figure things out solo). I realize I slowed him way, way down, but it was "together" time that we both enjoyed, and he played his own games separately as well (a much wider range of games, and at much higher difficulty levels).

Initially I preferred those silly fantasy quest / adventure games where you figure out puzzles (Kings Quest and the like--really juvenile, but I liked it, and it was ultimately my gateway into other games). He'd hang out while I played, offering me advice when I asked for it, and generally just being supportive and interested (like a parent at a young child's soccer game - hah). Later we played strategy games like MOO 1 and XCOM 1 (I did say this was 20 years ago!), and he'd help me through the learning curve until I was addicted as well. Somewhere along the way we stumbled onto Daggerfall/Oblivion/Skyrim, so we played those as well. Sims is another fantastic game line for pulling someone into gaming--I have a few friends who've said they never understood my enjoyment of games until they played that. On rare occasions we'd play a collaborative multiplayer game in which he'd be way, WAY further ahead than I was, and sometimes I didn't mind, but other times it was annoying. So most of the time I play the game and he coaches/hangs out with me... and then when I'm done he plays his own game. That's probably not the ideal you're aiming for, but the bottom line is that if you're wanting to help her learn to like gaming, you have to find something she likes to serve as her initial "hook" and then be fully supportive as she does make her way up the learning curve.

So that's what worked for us. It might work for you. Something else might work for you. Or you might decide to have a different interest in common with her, and let gaming just be your thing (especially when your little ones are young! most moms I know would refuse to waste even 90 minutes watching a movie they didn't like in those first couple of years, where 90 minutes of downtime is absurdly luxurious and not something one can waste... so if that's the case, give her 3 years and then try again).

GF is a gamer

[slaker]

My SO is a gamer, but a different sort from me. She likes Xbox games, mostly shooters and RPG titles. The only PC game she'll play is The Sims 2. I primarily play role playing and real time strategy games.
We found our crossover points in a couple different ways:
1. We compete on silly casual games on our phones and tablets. Superiority in Bubble Shooter or figuring out a new way to make pictures of dicks relevant in Draw Something is treasured gaming experience.
2. The PC gaming experience for games like Skyrim, Fallout 3 and Dragon Age is better, so we kind of play and make decisions together. I'm more of an explorer and she's more of an action junkie, but in practice this means that if one of us can't do something with our normal approach, it's time for the other to take a crack at it.
3. Sometimes I suck it up and let her kick my ass in some kind of console shooter or Kinect title. I'll also sit out with her and read while she leans on me and plays Borderlands or something. It's kind of passive/introvert together time.
4. We experimented with MMO-playing, but the MMO I actually like closed and she's not into WoW any more, so the motivation for that just evaporated. That actually worked pretty well.

Mostly, though, we play different games and it's FINE. I do my thing and she does hers.

Re:GF is a gamer

[slaker]

Oh, ALSO:

Try not-video games. The board, card, or P&P role playing kind.

My GF is quite a bit younger than me, so it turns out that YuGiOh and Pokemon are part of her geek DNA and she took to this stuff like a fish to water but many of my friends are reformed Magic: The Gathering Players in their late 20s to late 30s. No one quite has the time or resources to get back in to the addiction of collectible card gaming, but stuff like Cards Against Humanity, Nuclear War, Heroscape or Munchkin goes over really well and can introduce someone to a wider world of game-playing. Gaming does not in fact have to revolve around a giant TV.

Re:GF is a gamer

[Galestar]

I can attest to this also. Recently got my gf into Zombicide, Catan, Munchkin and others.

Re:GF is a gamer

[dcherryholmes]

On the subject of P&P games, I would recommend Everway, if you can find a copy. Characters are generated by choosing a couple of "art cards" and then answering up to 5 questions from the other players about the art on the card, and how it relates to your character. The mechanics are diceless; instead the GM riffs off a kind of Tarot spread, or simply dictates the results based on the needs of the story. There are virtually no mechanics to get in the way of the neophyte gamer, and the visual/artistic nature of the game is a good hook.

Re:GF is a gamer

[pswPhD]

2. The PC gaming experience for games like Skyrim, Fallout 3 and Dragon Age is better, so we kind of play and make decisions together. I'm more of an explorer and she's more of an action junkie, but in practice this means that if one of us can't do something with our normal approach, it's time for the other to take a crack at it.

Me and my girlfriend made a character in skyrim, looking a bit like her (she picked the hairstyle). Then I let her take the decisions, how to reply to people, what quests
to do and who to follow. We've discussed what I would do differently. It seems to have gone well thus far.
I would also recommend talking about what you've been doing in whatever games you play.
As for Co-op for a non gamer GF, we've played Super Mario Galaxy and Little Big Planet. Unfortunately the latter was on a friends PS3, which suffered the yellow light of death, and I am not buying a console to play one game.

What does she like?

[Nyder]

You have a post about what you like, but what does she like? Does she play video games? Does she play any non video games, like board games, sports? Is she competitive?

It's not like video games are new, if she hasn't gotten into video games by now, she's probably not interested.

I suggest you find something she likes, if she's into dancing, maybe a dancing game, or if she likes to rock out without real instruments, a guitar hero like game.

Another question, do you do things she likes? Do you try to do the activities she's into?

Don't Push It Too Much

[Kenshin]

Play something she may find interesting, and see if she lingers watching, showing interest, then offer. Or maybe she'll even ask to try. But if you push it too hard, she'll end up resenting gaming.

I can get my girl to play Mario Kart sometimes, but other than that I just let her enjoy her own thing.

Have to be computer?

[vlm]

Does it have to be computer games? Especially "real gaming" which is usually defined as boring WWII FPS sequels?

You're overseas? Invite friends over to place some kind of euro board/physical game. Yes yes agricola takes 45 minutes to set up all the counters but there's plenty of lighter fare. Settlers of catan? Carcassonee? How about Dominion (a euro-card game)? Or strip-Dominion? Pretty much anything in the Rio Grande catalog?

How about paper and pencil RPG? Yeah if you're overseas in Saudi Arabia they might get nervous about "magic" or whatever fictional religious aspects, but if you're in a civilized part of the world it should be no problem. Pathfinder or classic DnD?

Plain ole card games? You're overseas so invite several locals over for poker night. Better yet if it works out rotate to each players house.

There's a certain theme to the above... yes you can play all of the above "on a computer" but it works just as well in person and that's probably the way to pivot into "computer" gaming if you're the type where the UI matters more than the gameplay or if its occasionally just more convenient to play on a tablet while traveling or whatever. Example: if she likes playing euro-resource-type-games in person using cardboard like "powerline" or WTF its called, its a pretty short jump to Civilization / Simcity.

Re:Have to be computer?

[dcherryholmes]

I'll second Dominion. Lots of wives and GF's in my circle who balked at Jyhad/V:TES (our main card game), warmed to Dominion very quickly. Also, if your circle of friends are Game of Thrones fans, they've re-released that game in a boxed set as a "living card" game. The onus to go out buying tons of cards, such as exists in "pure" CCG's, really isn't there. IME the casual gamers don't care how tuned their decks are, they just like saying "Hey! I got Tyrion in play!"

Re:Have to be computer?

[vlm]

warmed to Dominion very quickly

I suspect a large part of that is you don't need to "figure out" all 3 or 4 dozen different card types, you can just by fiat say "we're using this set of simple cards tonight". As I recall the instructions even list a couple "noob combinations" that will give an interesting gaming experience without being complicated, and the play testing paid off because they actually did work.

This is another thing computer games are no good at. Nobody does a smooth tutorial, but live in person its pretty trivial to play dominion/pathfinder/Carcassone/whatever while skipping the "fancy rules" at the start and smoothly ramp up the complexity as you watch verbal and nonverbal signs of competence develop. This will screw up game balance, and there's some danger of making up your own rules, but its a smooth start. Nobody plays carcassone with all the scoring rules the first time, unless they want to spend longer trying to calc the score than playing the game.

"So you're trying to climb the cliff to the goblin fortress and you rolled only a 7 but your pathfinder climbing skill is +2 with a dex bonus (it's dex, right?) of +1 and a racial modifier of ... but weather effects out of the GM manual (or was it core rulebook?) apply because its raining and on my map the DC for that segment of the climb is ..."

"WTF this new game of yours is too complicated"

"... (makes GM judgement call to skip climbing skill checks while playing with noobs) ... uh OK, we'll take a 20 on that, after a strenuous long climb you reach the top of the cliff and see 5 gobblins guarding their fortress, 2 at the door and 3 foot patrols, roll for initiative ...."

Be honest

[theRunicBard]

Was the purpose of your post to say, "Oooh, look at me, I have a spouse!"

Step 1

[Anonymous Coward]

If your wife is resistant to trying out any games, I would suggest trying out what she wants to do first. Whether it is going to the opera, taking dance lessons, or setting up a social empire in your neighborhood (to name a few extreme cases), most people are more willing to try something new when they see someone making an effort for them. Beyond that, start with the classics. Even a non-gamer probably grew up watching super mario or other games and would be interested in playing it for the nostalgia.

Wii

[mseeger]

I had the best sucess using Wii Sports Games where she would usually outclass me :-).

Dear, Dear, Projection, Anyone?

[reallocate]

Consider:

If your spouse enjoyed gaming, your spouse would already be playing games.

If you convince/cajole/annoy your spouse into playing games, your spouse will, more than likely, do it just to please you and/or to shut you up on the topic.

*You* think games are more interesting than movies. Others may not. (I watch few movies and think games are mind-numbingly boring.)

If your spouse is bored and you are looking to help with that, good for you. But, expand your search.

uhm... should have thought of that sooner?

[Anonymous Coward]

If you wanted a spouse who likes gaming with you.. you probably should have married someone who was into gaming. If they're not into it.. they're probably not going to get into it.

A few options

[OneirosSD]

First, you will have to accept that if she simply doesn't like video games, you shouldn't try to force her into playing with you. My wife generally doesn't like video games but she's happy to let me play while she does her own thing most nights.

However, my wife does enjoy playing a few games with me. One is You Don't Know Jack, a humorous trivia game. The most recent version is available on consoles and Steam and has plenty of content. She enjoys playing New Super Mario Bros Wii in co-op mode as well.

We recently got a Kinect and now my wife wants to play that more than I do. The game that comes with it, Kinect Adventures, is fun, and she also enjoys an exercise "game" (Your Shape I think). We have Dance Central 3 but both of us are horrible dancers so I'm not sure how much use it will get (I also can't stand pretty much any song in the setlist). Anyway, the point is that these games are different enough from your standard controller-based ones that people who normally don't like video games may be more willing to play them.

Another option is board games. There are a lot of great European-style board games out there that can be played with 2 players. Some of them are co-operative as well which can help avoid your wife being turned off by the competition. Carcassone is a great competitive game for 2 (or more) players, and if she likes that, there's a downloadable console version that seems to be very faithful to the original game (as well as being a lot cheaper). Which would be another way to help her accept video games a bit more--video game versions of board games she already enjoys.

Re:Portal 2 - Co Op

[kaiidth]

I second this. Portal 2 is insanely attractive to non-gamers. That said, it's not that much of a gateway drug in my experience, leading if anything to an interest in puzzle games. It seems easier to go from Portal 2 to Osmos than from Portal 2 to Left 4 Dead... much to my disappointment.

Give more sex or withhold it...

[eksith]

... Depends on which is preferred. A relationship is basically an act of prolonged negotiation and it's not good to let it break down. Negotiations (whether by kind words or bullets), involve some form of bartering. Not unlike most games either.

But, seriously, just get together and talk about games for a start. If she loves you, she'll want to share that part of your life since it's clearly a significant part of your life. Start easy, and be aware of the difference in experience (important! Soundly defeating your opponent should be saved for later when she's good enough), and you can gradually start to enjoy games together even with the limited selection. I'd probably start looking for games playable with a simple download first since you did mention trouble finding good titles. There are lots of places online (flash games to start) and if you have two computers, you can compare scores even without multiplayer.

If she picks MindJack though, hand her the divorce papers.

Wait, what?

[excelsior_gr]

You are married? Can you plz post some pseudocode on how to do that. thnx.

Facebook and Google plus games

[SuilAmhain]

IMHO,games on those two platforms are very heavily geared towards females Start of slow with some cooperative farmville or bubble witch saga and move towards Sim City (online coming) and WOW. Violent confrontational games are feasibly going to cause you a headache if you push them too fast or strongly on your good lady wife. Actually what ever happened to chess and snakes & ladders...?

This reminds me of another article

[kurt555gs]

Back in the 70's A popular motorcycle magazine had a column written by "Miraculous Mutha". I remember some one writing in asking advice on how to get his wife not to pull away when she was giving him head, and he was about to come. The answer was simple and elegant. MM wrote, it's easy, just make sure the back of her head was against the fool.

Seems analogous to this.

Re:This reminds me of another article

[kurt555gs]

Against the floor. #spellchecksux

You can't force or co-erse someone into anything.

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm not going to bother reading your entire post. (I know I'm a dick).

Just to answer your title question. You cannot co-erse someone into something they do not want to do. Why don't you just continue to play video games, if she is truly interested she will eventually ask to play. The most you can do now is maybe say "Hey Would you like to play this game with me?"

Same as for sex

[GlobalEcho]

Maybe you haven't run into this one yet, but the advice I'll give you (based on nearly 20 years of happy marriage) is the same I give to newlyweds:

      (1) Housekeepers are significantly cheaper and more effective in promoting marital harmony than marriage counselors, and far cheaper than divorce lawyers. That's where your first discretionary dollars should go.
      (2) New activities are most interesting with friends. That is, if you want her to enjoy getting into skiing, gaming, whatever, with you, then find a couple also interested in getting into it, and make it a group thing.

Your wife has a better game.

[csumpi]

It's of course a bit different. It uses different hardware. It has similarities to your game:

- you can advance through several levels
- you can use your fingers for control
- you can customize her outfit
- you can collect and use tools
- you can play it on the couch
- there's a boss level at the end (you most likely won't get near it, nor will beat it, just use some tools for now)

But there are differences, too:

- it's more exciting
- you can use more than your fingers
- you get more physical feedback than rumble
- you are not restricted to your couch
- you might achieve more satisfaction

Just try it. You'll probably realize that she's not playing your game because her game is a lot better.

Re:Your wife has a better game.

[SpzToid]

No kidding. Do you have any idea how many misfits hang out in this place and yet you chose to come here looking for relationship advice? There's your first clue right there; you sir are fighting the wrong battle. Give it up. Recalculate your position and values, and adjust accordingly.

You have no idea how good you have it, if only you'd smell the roses and go for long walks on the beach, or at least show some appreciation for your good fortune and go outdoors to do something with your significant other who obviously has other life interests but yet tolerates your kind. It is now time to throw your toys away, you have evolved beyond J.F. Sebastian status as you have been chosen by a real-life babe for fsckng marriage!

Love, peace, and prosperity; share it and may you come to enjoy reciprocation of the one that already has chosen you. -The Internet.

Re:Your wife has a better game.

[swillden]

And you think convincing a woman to spend several hours per day playing video games is hard?

Re:Your wife has a better game.

[Anonymous Coward]

Being chosen for marriage is a big deal?

Consider that marriage is practiced in every culture of the world, and at every social status. Also, far more adults are married than are not. Marriage, it would seem, is one of the commonest activities of humanity.

Marriage takes two...anyone who wants to get married has got to choose someone. It isn't like convincing someone to marry you is an uphill battle from the get-go (unless you have some kind of unusual condition that makes it so, of course). You just spend your time meeting people who also already want to get married, and then it is just a matter of filtering the set to a good match.

Being elected president, or accepted into an extremely exclusive society, might be a rare and valuable honor. Getting married is just a lifestyle choice which requires cooperation. We like to romanticize it in order to inject significance into lives that don't include many actual honors, but the fact is life-mating is the instinct-driven path-of-least-resistance for our species.

If you are one of those rare and unique individuals who can achieve fulfillment without becoming emotionally-dependent on someone else, then you should celebrate that!

Re:Your wife has a better game.

[the.well.loved.wife]

From THE wife - I am pregnant with #3 and I have 2 under 2. We have figured that game out and obviously, take much pleasure in it. Do you have sex all evening every evening, or do you partake in extra curricular activities? You're not as clever as you think.

You have not lived...

[retroStick]

...until you've played Strip Call of Duty :D

Some suggested Games

[Liambp]

I tend to agree with the first post that if she isn't a gamer by now then you probably can't turn her into one. However here are some games that I have found from personal experience that gamers and non gamers can enjoy together. Some are co-op but some are solo games that you sit beside and help along.

Stay away from realistic violence. Sadly this probably rules out most of the games you enjoy yourself.
Stay away from any game that requires significant mouse or controller dexterity. This rules out most first and third person action games and also many old school platformers.

Fantasy themed MMORPGS (WOW, LOTRO, GUILD WARS etc. Just don't expect to be doing raids together any time soon)
Fantasy themed RPGS but beware of overly complex ones. Kingdoms of Amalur is very approachable.
Point and click adventures used to be great for non gamers. See if you can find one made this century.
Fantasy themed Co-Op: Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light, Trine 1/2, Dungeon Siege 1,2,3
Easy Driving games: Mario Kart, Trackmania
Any of the Lego games (Harry Potter, Indiana, Batman etc) works great if you play Co-Op on a Wii
In fact lots of of games on the Wii: Wii Sports, Just Dance (go on embarass yourself)
World of Goo highly recommended and can be fun to solve levels together.
Any game by Pop Cap (Plants versus Zombies especially recommended)
Just about Facebook or mobile game is accessible to casual gamers but you'll probably hate them.

maybe start simple?

[rjr162]

I downloaded fun run for our kid on my iPad.. he liked it and it has a mode where you can play friends (cross device too!) So I put it on my phone and the wife's phone. Now we all 3 play together and she can't feel any more embarrassed than myself when our son (who turns 3 in February) beats both of us

Other things/her hobbies

[dispersionrelation]

I agree with the few that say don't try and get her to game but don't take such a nihilistic approach. Instead maybe you should find something that she is interested in and develop an interest in it yourself, why does she have to be the one to 'change'. If that isn't applicable maybe you two should find a new hobby together. Especially something that gets you outside and working together things like Skii'ing, camping, hiking, even rock climbing if your more adventurous not only get you in great shape but are way more exciting then any video game and help develop strong emotional bonds. I have gaming friends (mostly table top some board gaming) but I'm no where near as close to them at an emotional level as I am with my climbing friends zero comparison. Just my two cents.

Easy solution found on youtube

[cellocgw]

Here's how to do it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Be8LnuG3U

Been there

[Anonymous Coward]

In my experience you are better off to lay off the games and just spend time with her.

Marry a Dude

[gavron]

You married her for other things. Enjoy them and quit trying to fit a round object into a square hole.

Or divorce her and marry your best gaming buddy. Then your spouse will game with you.

E

Fix the problem, not the symptom

[QuietLagoon]

The answer to your question is in your question.

from experience, I know that a good game can provide much more entertainment than a good movie.

Does your spouse have the same opinion about gaming as you? maybe she views gaming as little more than a time wasting experience.

Because of my long experience, gaming comes naturally to me

Maybe your spouse sees that, and she prefers not to become addicted to gaming as you appear to be.

.
Perhaps the question that is really being asked here is, "my wife is giving me grief for sitting in front of the game console all day, and I want her to stop bothering me and let me play."

The manner in which you pose your questions is that of a selfish person. Instead of trying to impose your likes upon her, you should be talking with her about new things both of you can enjoy, perhaps even taking advantage of living in a different country.

With so much to discover and learn just outside your door, why waste your time sitting in front of a game console?

Re:Fix the problem, not the symptom

[the.well.loved.wife]

From THE wife - My husband hasn't touch games since my 1st child was born. Is that how addiction works? Quit assuming. So much to discover? My children are in bed during the time my husband was talking about. Should I leave them alone and go explore? We've lived here +3 years. It is home to us, not new and foreign. We enjoy our surroundings and travel as much has 2 kids under 2 plus a pregnancy permits. Our job works with local Mozambicans on a daily basis. We speak fluent Portuguese. We choose to be here and love it. I am blessed to have a husband inquiring about how to creatively spend more time WITH me, especially not vegging out in front of the TV.

Talk to her.

[Rodness]

Talk to your wife. Explain that it's important to you. Maybe she'll give it a try. But you can't convince her if it's not her thing.

My wife tried co-op games (lego star wars, etc) with me but really wasn't into it. But she respects that it's important to me and lets me have time to play, even if it's not with her.

The stupidest thing you can do is ask a bunch of nerds for advice and then try to convince her she should be into it. Talk to her instead.

Re:Grow up

[CohibaVancouver]

Adults game, and there's not a damn thing wrong with it unless you allow it to become one

Sure, but all the (male) adults I know who game fit into one of these categories -

- Single, or in a relationship but have no kids (ergo, have time for gaming)
- In a relationship with kids, but have an extensive child support network (grandparents etc.)
- In a relationship, with kids, but have a 'traditional' marriage where the burden of child rearing almost entirely falls on the woman - The husband is in the basement playing WoW while the wife is handling bath time, putting on pajamas, reading stories, brushing teeth then cleaning the kitchen.
- In a relationship, with kids, but the kids are largely grown up

No male I know that has younger kids and an 'equal' marriage has time for video games.

I met mine on Everquest

[Fallon]

I met my wife playing Everquest... We got married a couple years later & are about to celebrate our 10th anniversary this summer. Some people just don't find some things entertaining (think cliche geeks & sports), so sometimes you have to just luck into it at the start. A word of warning though... When getting her to play CounterStrike at a LAN party, be careful. No matter how much you & the other guys are trash talking each other, the same rules don't apply to her. For example when she brings a knife to a gun fight & shanks you with it, responding with "You f*&#ing b*%@h!!!" is bad. She will never play CounterStrike again & you will still be hearing about it many years later.

Be careful what you wish for...

[Art Challenor]

If I suggested to my wife that we should play some games in bed, she'd bring the XBox.

Other half and games...

[CFBMoo1]

Step 1: Ask her if she'd be interested in playing a computer game with you sometime when you both have free time and not much interesting going on. If she says yes then go to Step 2.

Step 2: Ask her if she liked playing with blocks, legos, etc as a kid where you can be all kinds of creative. If she says yes then go to Step 3.

Step 3: Buy two copies of Minecraft and see how she likes it. You can setup a private server between your laptops and either be creative together and have fun or survive together and have fun. Either way the key point is having fun together and I chose Minecraft because it can be pretty basic yet very engaging at the same time.

Note: If she doesn't like computer games, invest in a deck of cards or something. UNO was always a good game.

MOD PARENT UP

[n3r0.m4dski11z]

Minecraft can for sure be played as a family!

Its creative,
its open ended,
there is danger and intrigue
we just bought a 4th copy!

 

Re:Grow up

[CohibaVancouver]

Sure, but no one I know who is playing MMORPGs / WoW is playing for one or two hours per week. The people who are playing for an hour are gaming on their iPads.

Prince of Persia

[Ophbalance]

Am I the only one thinking "wait, you played it on Win 95? Heathen!"

Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[tepples]

This may just be me, or a fluke, or whatever, but [...] I have a PC behind the flat screen in the den.

If CronoCloud and several other Slashdot users are to be believed, having a PC in the living room is itself a fluke.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[FatLittleMonkey]

But, I do have a Raspberry Pi hooked up via RCA to a TV from the 1980s,

Quick, warn them about the faulty SRB on Challenger.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[rk]

Just a null reply to undo a bad moderation to your comment.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[Pseudonym]

A computer hooked up to a TV, eh? We're returning to the 80s, I'm telling you.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[sesshomaru]

Oh, he did, but they decided to go ahead with the launch anyway.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[dcherryholmes]

Well why not? Granted it's not that awesome of a TV by current standards, but a 42" 1080p with VGA/HDMI inputs seems pretty awesome to me for gaming. Better than sitting at a desk sharing my 23" monitor. Sure, we both have laptops and could just play networked, but here's the kicker: half the point is that we're sitting together, chatting, passing the mouse back and forth between us, not hunched over our own little screens.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[dragon-file]

How else am i supposed to watch all my illegally downloaded movies?

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[tepples]

Well why not?

Over the past few years, fans of networked multiplayer have pointed out plenty of reasons why single-screen multiplayer might not be right for them.

Re:Almost nobody connects a PC to a TV

[dcherryholmes]

OK, read the points you linked to. But in my personal case, it's a turn-based game that hotseats pretty well. The screen-peak point is valid but, again, sitting next to each other and interacting a bit qualifies much better as "us time," which I think speaks to the OP's point better than the technical advantages listed in your link. FWIW, I won't touch a split screen game either.

Re:Grow up

[CohibaVancouver]

What the heck is an "equal" marriage?

In a marriage with kids, an 'equal' marriage is one where the household / childcare responsibilities are shared reasonably equally between spouses. ...and it's usually the unequal ones that end in divorce.

If the wife is the one reading bedtime stories, taking the kids to swimming lessons, doing all the laundry and on and on while the husband is playing golf all day or gaming all weekend in the basement things get pretty unhappy pretty quickly...

Re:Grow up

[misexistentialist]

If the marriage lacks a wife, a nanny must be hired. Video game preference and cup size can be selected.

Find something that is related to her RL interests

[ma1wrbu5tr]

Find a game that fits or is related to one of her real life interests. My wife likes to play cards socially so
it was very easy to get her into a virtual casino. We'd sit and play texas hold'em for hours.

I've tried to get my better half into MMOs; going as far as to create for her what I though would be her ideal hunk. While she was fine with ogling the avatar, she didn't want to play with him much. Wasted character slot.

Thank goodness my wife abhors FB and Zynga games. So much so that she has un-friended people for refusing to quit sending game requests. Stay away from the time wasters.

How about accepting that she doesn't want to?

[DavidinAla]

Just because you're obsessed with gaming doesn't mean there's a magic bullet to convince your spouse to care about it, too. Let's say she cares about ... I dunno ... shopping for shoes. (I mention an interest that was an obsession with a recent serious girlfriend of mine.) Just because she cares about shopping for shoes, does that mean there's any way under the sun that she could get YOU to share her enthusiasm for shoes? The chances are virtually nil. Accept that she doesn't like gaming and has no interest in doing it. And when you make decisions about what to do with your time, remember that if you choose to invest a tremendous amount of time in something that becomes an obsession (for many), you might be laying the foundation for drifting away into separate worlds and losing contact with each other. I've seen marriages destroyed because people made bad decisions about such things. If you can be a casual gamer and not spend much time on it, that shouldn't be a problem. But if you're as obsessed as many gamers I know, it's going to blow up your marriage in the long run — just as any solo obsession from either partner is likely to do the same. Unless, of course, both partners want to settle in to an arrangement where they don't know each other any more and they just happen to live in the same house.

Unfortunate circumstances did it

[ubrgeek]

When my wife was going through chemo she really couldn't move from the couch. I picked up WoW because I hadn't played anything similar since a MUD years and years prior and it was the only one I could play on my MBP. I sat on the couch playing it on my laptop and she sat next to me, watching, helping and having a good time. After she got better, she had enjoyed watching me play so she opened an account and since then we've played together. That was around eight years ago (although we took a break playing for a couple of years). That got her into other games, like the Mario ones on the Wii.

Buying equipment, lead-out, and works by relatives

[tepples]

Gaming is a special category for several reasons. Far more people enjoy listening to music or watching movies than playing video games, or at least video games deeper than free SWF games on Newgrounds/Kongregate and 99 cent iPhone/iPad games. This means far more people are likely to buy the equipment than for playing such games. People may have bought a TV for sports, news, or political talk shows, and the leap from watching those to watching scripted series and movies is small. I can't think of any counterpart in gaming to a TV channel's "lead-out" after a television event anticipated to have extremely high ratings. Furthermore, it takes a lot more esoteric knowledge to create even the simplest video game than to create simple music or to shoot and edit a short film, so there isn't as much chance that one will discover gaming as a medium through appreciating (or at least pretending to appreciate) the "refrigerator quality" work that a family member has created.

I'm a girl!!

[CODiNE]

Yes I'm a wife of a /. Geek... I'll prove it.. Ponies YAY!! Unicorns YAY!!! I 3 lolcats :-D ok so what I'm about to tell you will save your marriage so listen up! I have always dated geeks and tried to get into the gaming thing with them. At a young age I was scarred playing original Mario bros at a friends house. Stupid chompin flower! The theme song still haunts me. My next foray into the gaming world with my first BF was somekind of first person shooter game where I got stuck in a corner and shot anything that moved. My team mates quickly killed me. So video games to me were frustrating and depressing cuz I would die within the first 5 mins. The miracle game which changed my outlook on video games... Legos Star Wars!!! Me and hubby can play for hours and I have a great time. Mostly I collect coins while he fights the bad guys and if I do have to fight I can randomly punch buttons and mostly make it out alive. Also I can die and immediately get resurrected! And I make cute noises when I die so it's kinda fun jumping off cliffs :-D the cantina is a great place to practice blowing up stuff and getting coins without anyone shooting at me. When we get to a really hard part and I die a lot it's easy to back out of the game and let the computer take my player till the first player gets through and then I can join back in. All the Legos games are a blast but I think Star Wars the original is easiest. I would say start your wife on this game and just tell her you wanna play for a half hour (same as a sitcom) I'm pretty sure she will want to keep playing after that. :)

(Guest post by CODiNEs wife *I* am not a girl)

DDR and Just Dance Kinect

[gr7]

Even if she is 200 pounds overweight these games are fun. Get a Kinect and 2 ddr dance pads. Hopefully you don't know this game very well yet. When she sees you miserably failing she'll give it a try. I haven't played "Just Dance" but I have tons of DDR experience and this is a great game for men and women. It's great exercise and great fun. This is a good way to get into gaming and into the habit of turning on the xbox when bored. If you advance faster than her it's okay as you can play at different levels at the same time on the same song.

Listen to others.

[houghi]

Reverse the role and get into what SHE likes to do. Just imagine that SHE posted a similar question on some forum. And have you even asked her?
Yes, a good game is more entertaining then a good movie. But a good meal is even better.

If you want to trick your spouse into games and she does not like computer games, start with non-computer games as a stepping stone game. Scrabble or chess.

But first start talking to her and let her never know that YOU rather asked the question to complete strangers then talking to you. If she finds out, start thinking of visiting rights to your kids, because she might be wanting to leave you.

Talk to her. Or perhaps even more important: listen to her. She will tell you.

Re:Listen to others.

[shaitand]

"Yes, a good game is more entertaining then a good movie. But a good meal is even better."

No. No it's not. I've gone this route Slashdotters. My wife is into cooking and was an amazing cook when we got together. I've always been proud of my ability to boil eggs and follow a recipe so I started getting into cooking with her. Now we are both excellent cooks.

Translation, this is a fast route to getting fat!

You ask this NOW?

[tverbeek]

I'm no relationship expert (currently single, in fact) but it amazes me that a couple can go so far as getting married before figuring something like this out. If you haven't successfully introduced each other to your respective interests, or worked out that it just isn't going to happen and how to accommodate that (which is totally possible), why have you gone ahead and sworn yourselves to an exclusive lifelong relationship (and in this case, further committed by having children together)?

I know this answer isn't helpful to the person asking, and I hate those kinds of replies, but for the rest of you: This is what dating is for. It's a time to not only get to know each other, but to work out what your relationship is going to be like. If you're like most couples, you probably made sure you were sexually compatible before marrying (or at least talked about it), which is a good start, but if you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, you kinda need to also figure out how you're going to spend the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of each day as well.

"How to get my spouse to start knitting with me?"

[urbanriot]

"I've been a knitter for a long time (started on scarves back in the day) and enjoy pretty much any pattern..." etc., etc.

Hopefully I've conveyed my point.

Level the playing field, switch it up

[TheSimkin]

First, I would use console games, being in front of a tv together feels like a social activity much more so than sitting behind two different computers. Get games of every genre and type, (party games, fps, strategy etc). I would start with the party games, as they often include many mini games. The idea is to find something she likes/enjoys, and then to explore the entire genre with her, and then pick another. Games that she has a natural aptitude for and that you generally suck at will be great. Also lots of games will balance the playing field out if you are doing poorly (Mario Kart!). And remember to keep it fun. If she's bored with the game don't insist you keep playing, just find another, like you said you have lots of experience, and just like you it will take her some time to refine her tastes! Also for the console experience, the PS3 is a great choice as online purchased games can be installed on more than one PS3. So you could have a two tv two ps3 setup in the living room (head to head FPS games, tetris, the new god of war). Happy gaming!

Withhold sex

[landoltjp]

That'll teach 'er!

Sherlock Holmes Games

[FanniM]

I'm a 36 year old woman who has always wanted to get into PC games, but always been put off by my partner being much better at them than I am. I loved The Testament of Sherlock Holmes. You don't have to be very good at steering him around and you don't need fast reactions.

Star Wars is an Easy Sell

[donweel]

Star Wars the Old Republic has gone free to play recently and the IP is an easy sell. A lot of women where interested in the game before and during the game launch. Star Wars has an appeal because it is familiar. The game is good and the story is excellent and the dialog wheels in the quests work well in a group. You can duo it together if you have the hardware. I would also suggest Magic the Gathering as another option. The Magic the gathering 2013 on steam has an excellent tutorial and you could quickly get up to speed and playing hands against each other.

Would be easier if the sexes were reversed.

[MouseTheLuckyDog]

It is so much easier for a woman to get a man gaming. All she has to do is play in the nude.

What does she think?

[ashpool7]

You can't just magically convince people they want to play computer games. Start by asking her what looks interesting. If she has an iPad/iPhone, what games doe she play there? Maybe you can extrapolate. If you get nothing, well, that's that.

FWIW, a girl I know has no interest in blowing things up, therefore no interest in FPSes. However, when presented with Portal as a puzzle game, she became interested, and now we can play Portal 2 co-op.

Re:Grow up

[VortexCortex]

Hell, I'd rather find a fellow adult co-worker who games to blow off steam than wonder when that quiet shy guy in the corner cube is gonna suddenly snap one day and murder the entire office because he can't seem to find an outlet to deal with adult stress.

Oh, now where's your sense of adventure!?
You'd finally get to put to use the experience games have been training you for your whole life, and you're just going to spoil everything simply because you don't get to be the protagonist? For shame!

To think: If only you'd have maintained an uncomfortable association with the quiet fellow instead, your workplace niceties could have got you a role as one of those annoying white shirted wankers who pop out to keep folks with good reflexes from getting the high score.

No GG's for you, spoilsport.

Start with board games.

[PeterJFraser]

Use 6 to 8 person games. There are a bunch you can find that last 2 to 4 hours. Because the people (hopefully your friends) are in one spot, it becomes a social experience, Don't use the standard board games (e.g. Monopoly, Clue, Risk, etc). There are a lot of more interesting ones for adults. Most games will give the time period on the box. Don't start with one that last more than 4 hours. I recommend: Settlers of Catan (needs a extensions set to go from 4 to 6 people), Cosmic Encounters, Acquire, Junta

Magic 8-ball says,

[PopeRatzo]

"Not gonna happen."

I've tried forever. Women just don't see leading a squad in Planetside 2 as a worthy expenditure of their time.

And even if you got her to play a game, it's unlikely that you're going to get her to spend the 6 hours you want to spend playing, so you end up with the same conflict, only now it's "I played with you like you wanted, so now you have to go shopping with me and sit on the couch while I try on dresses."

Better to get her interested in something that occupies her time in 6-hour increments. Maybe a second job so you can build that proper gaming rig that you've been wanting.

I've been married over twenty years, and happily. It's important to realize that marriage is one long negotiation. And the best negotiations end in both parties winning.

And never, ever forget that your wife is smarter than you. Don't try to get anything over on her, because she'll see through you like a pair of prescription Gunnar Optiks PPK Onyx Amber Tint gaming glasses.

Re:Magic 8-ball says,

[sesshomaru]

I do know a few women obsessed with Facebook gaming. One of my lady friends has built this gargantuan metropolis in Sim City Social.

However, I don't expect her to start playing Bioshock or Portal any time soon...

Re:Magic 8-ball says,

[PopeRatzo]

I don't think Facebook games is what the original poster had in mind, but I take your point.

Exactly - this is an experience problem.

[raehl]

The submitter might as well be David Beckham asking how he can get Victoria Beckham to play soccer with him.

Look, the fact of the matter is, you've been playing video games most of your life, so there's few things that are true for you that are never going to be true for your wife:

1) You started when you were very young. Very young is when most people pick up new interests, and one of the things that makes that interest interesting in their adult lives is that it was part of their young lives. No matter what you do, video games are never going to be a part of your wife's young life.

2) You have tens of thousands of hours of experience. That means even when you encounter entirely new games, you get to apply that experience to the new game. Your wife will have no frame of reference. For example, let's say you tried to introduce her to WoW.... you know what a character level is. She has no idea. You probably played RPGs at some time in the early 90's (or a bit earlier or later depending on your age), she's done it... never.

3) When you're playing with her and your skill level is going to be much higher than hers is. EVEN if you're playing cooperatively, that's going to be frustrating. We're talking basic skills here, like even manipulating a controller, or precise mouse use. Doing activities with someone who is at an entirely different skill level than you - even the simple version of that activity - is rarely pleasureably.

4) Because of 3) your wife is going to have a bit of a learning curve before she can really enjoy a game. That might be OK, *IF* your wife wasn't married with kids. And I imagine at least one of you has a job. By the time she spends an hour or two working on that learning curve, it's going to be time to put the kids to bed or go to bed yourselves and she's just going to think the activity stinks if she never gets past the learning part to the fun part.

And, the laptop is the LAST place you should attempt this. There is nothing that requires a laptop to play that you should try and get a novice gamer interested in. If you can't play it on a phone, it's almost certainly too advanced.

The reality of this is, if you dated this girl before you got married (and I hope you did), and she didn't pick up an interest in video games during that exposure to you, it's not going to happen now.

Maybe you two can play words with friends together.

Re:Exactly - this is an experience problem.

[mysidia]

1) You started when you were very young. Very young is when most people pick up new interests

Yep... your chances are probably better at getting the kids involved in gaming with you, if they are of sufficient age to play. However... they may also quickly become better at the games, and think you're no fun to play with, because they win too easily :)

Re:Exactly - this is an experience problem.

[mapsjanhere]

Actually, it's too late anyway. I got lucky and met my wife on an Uqua raid, and we maintained the lifestyle for quite a while. Easy to do while the kids are in cribs, but soon they start bugging you during raid times (you know how well that tell to the raid leader goes over "stop the boss fight, need to change diaper/clean up mess/sorry kid pulled plug from wall"). Had to quit cold turkey after 10+ years of 4-5 days raiding was pretty bad, but we couldn't see ourselves be "casual players". As the OP has been married for 4 years already, he's getting too close to "that point" where a gamers live isn't really compatible with family obligations. Of course, if his overseas life involves access to full time nannies and cleaning staff for $1/day, good luck and happy gaming. Get her hooked on Zynga games until the frustration kicks in, and then slowly slide her over to the real stuff.

Don't bother!

[xQuarkDS9x]

This is general advice to all men that unless your girlfriend / wife was a hardcore or even semi-hardcore gamer like you to begin with and likes to play FPS or MMORPGS or games like that then they are probably not interested no matter how much you try. I had tried to get my girlfriend into World of Warcraft in early 2011 and all she did was make a gnome mage, run around the starting zone, killing random enemies until she eventually managed to get herself killed several times.

Not once did she bother to actually follow the tutorials blizzard put in that even practically hand hold you to do quests, and how to equip and use gear and your class skills, never mind even leaving the starting zone to go to the next area to quest further.

Watching her run around with no gear at level 10 getting killed over and over just made me shake my head... and im 34 years old at the time, she was 37 and I have six level 85 characters, playing WoW since 2006 and raiding 5 days a week at the time.

At least I got the flyable rocket mount out of it from her account. And you know what kind of games she plays now? Very silly (IMHO) games like Fashion Story and Restaurant Story on her android phone. It just goes to show most women would rather play stupid games like that on a phone instead of actual games that require more thought and reflexes.

A few simple ones

[bjorniac]

As others have suggested, co-op games are certainly the way to make things interesting and fun, especially when there's going to be an obvious skill imbalance. Also try to pick things with a very shallow learning curve - if she hasn't played games before, just getting the coordination with a controller or mouse can be frustrating enough.

Games that have a low punishment for failure are going to be key when someone is first starting. This isn't quite the same as a shallow curve, but you want a game that is forgiving of your errors whilst you learn to play. Similarly something that isn't high pressure is probably good for early games. Left 4 dead, despite its excellence, probably isn't the best way to get into things (but will make an incredible game later if she gets into it!)

There are a couple of games I've found that can be really great fun in this way, and depending on /her/ tastes, you should find something:

First there's Trine (and its sequel). You can pick this up quite cheaply, and it's a lovely fairytale of a game, beautifully drawn, gently but excellently narrated. It's a 1-3 player co-op platformer/puzzler (I played it with my partner who loved it) and having more people massively increases the fun. It also doesn't do the usual gendered thing with games of having "chick-armor" or "all people are male" - the female character (one of the three players) is very nicely done. Set on an easy mode it's simple to learn, works excellently with controllers and doesn't require too much coordination for a newcomer. If you pick your timing right, you can get it for about five dollars on Steam.

Another great coop game is Civilization V. I know it's not the most hardcore in terms of strategy of the series, (and I'm presuming as a gamer you know the series) but its very easy to learn and playing as a team, either hot-seat or with two computers, is very satisfying. A more experienced player can provide cover the learner in terms of military protection etc, or just set the game on sufficiently easy mode whilst she learns the basics. In coop mode you can learn a section of the game at a time whilst your partner takes care of the rest, so she can focus on military strategy and world domination whilst you build the empire to fund it, or she can learn to manage cities to produce culture and science whilst you cover her borders. The turn based nature of the game makes it easy for teaching someone how to play, and it offers a ton of depth and replayability.

On the RPG front, Torchlight is marvelous, with its sequel being a great 2-player game. It's diablo-esque, but maintains the joys of D2. It can get a bit hectic on occasion, which is very frustrating, but with a co-op game again you can cover her.

On the FPS/strategy, Orcs Must Die (2) is a nice one, but does suffer horrendously from a couple of things - it has a nice learning curve, but can get overwhelming fast which leads to frustration. Also it has tongue-in-cheek cliched characters which at first will look rather like the female is supposed to be the stuff of adolescent fantasy. It's not as bad as many out there, but let's just say that her armor is less than optimal in some regions.

Hopefully that should be something to get you going. Ignore the people who say "Don't do it" - of course you should try out new hobbies together, and you may find an excellent way to have fun together. My partner and I game together often, and sometimes at long distance is a great way to spend time "together" when you're apart.

Try tabletop games first

[guises]

Have a friend of the girly gender who totally swore off gaming, making fun of it as an anti-social pastime, but has really gotten into D&D in the last couple years. She's a very social person and had moved to another city where she had no friends. When gaming arose as an opportunity for her to socialize and meet new people, she really took to it.

Re: Get out of the house

[Anonymous Coward]

You live overseas and you want to spend your free time playing video games? Are you enlisted? That's the only job I can think of where an English speaking american would find themselves in a foreign country and too exhausted or broke to enjoy the local culture with their wife in their free time. Video games are entertainment for the physically exhausted and impoverished.

If you're physically exhausted, you should prioritize learning a skill-set which doesn't require physical labor before you are replaced by a robot, or get in better shape so that you come home with enough energy to function on an elevated level.

If you're impoverished, you should prioritize learning a skill-set which requires creative mental function before you are replaced by a robot, or quit borrowing money & stop popping out children.

I can't think of the last time I saw a physically fit person who worked in a creative field playing video games that didn't have more rug-rats than they could afford, or too much debt. Employment and physical fitness are easily fixed. Debt and children are harder. Keep your eye on bankruptcy and your passport close.

Adventure games

[SoftwareArtist]

Point and click adventure games (all the TellTale games, old Monkey Island games, Sam and Max, etc.) work really well for playing together. It doesn't matter if one person is better at them, because you're working together to solve the puzzles, and two heads really are better than one when it comes to these games.

Re:Grow up

[CohibaVancouver]

No - I know dads who want 'heirs' and a legacy and all that BS but don't want to involved in what's required. Acceptable in 1900, not so much now.

Our situation

[glittermage]

My wife grew up playing card, video, and board games so it wasn't an uphill battle to get her to play video games, it just took a few specific ones. I can't get her interested in role playing games, the legit ones, like DnD 3.5, Rifts, or Traveller. Maybe that will come along when the kids are older and start playing with me. In our >10 years of marriage she's tried as many games as I could get her to play. Only one game in the first eight years got her hooked (Dungeon Seige I). The past two yeasr though it has changed primarily due to kids and multiplayer co-op with the four kids (all 10). The kids loved playing Minecraft so mommy started playing and got hooked. Now the wife enjoys Minecraft and Zero Gear (like Mario Kart for PC) with the family. I convinced her to try Civ V and now that's her favorite game. We've introduced Civ V to the 7 and 9 year old girls.

Turn-based H games

[tepples]

Turn based hgames are the key.

Was that a typo, or did you actually mean H games?

Re:Turn-based H games

[AmiMoJo]

Speaking of which the best ever game for couples is Res. The PS2 version came with a vibrator peripheral you were meant to sit on, and the XBOX 360 version allows you to have up to four controllers all vibrating at once (although only one is used to actually control the game).

It's basically a sex toy. You can play while she just enjoys the ride, then swap over. Or just get your own "peripheral" out now she's warmed up for the best ever "boss" "fight".

I asked my wife

[EmagGeek]

When I say this article, I turned to my wife and said "Hey, someone posted an Ask Slashdot asking 'How do I get my spouse to start gaming with me?'"

And, she just busted out laughing, saying that was the most ridiculous question she'd ever heard. The answer is, of course, "you don't."

If she's not a gamer, she's not a gamer. Don't try to change her.

Simple

[ThatsMyNick]

Tell her, it starts playing the game, or it gets the hose again.

This is something you should have thought about..

[DiSKiLLeR]

Honestly... this is something you should have thought about before you got married.

Now it's a little too late.

Give up. She controls you now.

If you ever want your life back, though, you know what you have to do.

Lego Lord of the Rings, Portal and Good CoOp games

[nichachr]

I've had a similar situation except for both me and my wife did like to play games before kids arrived. We wanted to limit our kids exposure before 2 to too much screen time and wound up taking a huge break from video games for almost 7 years. Since Christmas we have all been having a total blast playing Lego Lord of the Rings. It's a great 2 player puzzle game, tame enough for kids to watch and play. My daughter is amazed to see my wife and I working so well at something together and she's gone from being scared of Gollum to really wanting to play him most of the time. We tried several games before this and had a hard time ever getting into anything. We did enjoy playing the portal series together. I recommend a good co-operative puzzle game if that type interests you and her. Working together and trying to figure something out is a great way to get anyone engaged.

Obligatory Tripod

[2phar]

Tripod - Gonna Make You Happy

Serious answer you won't like (besides don't!)

[AbRASiON]

Your taste in games is frankly,.... well it's what I'd expect guys to play, it's sports and MMO's for goodness sakes, while yes some girls play and love these games - the odds are WELL against you.

It's time evaluate yourself and your gaming future if you genuinely want your wife to get into it. My recommendation, which I hold in high regard no less! Is that you look at picking up a PS3 and actually just 'making' (letting?) her watch you play some vastly more story focused single player interesting games. Uncharted 1,2, 3 and Heavy Rain are absoloutely and utterly perfect examples of games which could at least convince a non gamer "hey,... golly.. maybe games aren't completely fucking stupid childish crap" because to be honest, that's what a lot of people STILL think about gaming.

  Well you could consider letting her play for a bit on those games while you play. Pass her the controller for a bit while you grab a drink in the kitchen or go to the bathroom, or just say 'here you try'
As for the games you should play once you've got her interested? I can't recommend Pixel Junk Monsters enough, it's an incredible game, the demo is free and coop works on it - try it.

Finally as someone who has dated several non gamers, the simpler games often are the best at the start, Mario Kart, Mario Golf worked for a fun afternoon also.
You need to focus on a fun and easy experience to make it easy initially.

Do not even consider MMO's for a very long time and try subject matter which is likely to interest her, some sports games might be ok in coop (I don't know) but I imagine the brain would switch off the second you pull out a sports game in most cases.
Embrace storyline focused single player gaming in general, it's good for you.

Your wife or your maidservant?

[beatsme]

I'm confused.

One word: Kinect

[PermacultureEngineer]

Personal experience: I'm a long-time gamer, and I was trying to get my wife interested in Xbox or PC gaming. She steadfastly refused to get engaged... until we got a Kinect for the Xbox. Somehow, the motion control made it much more compelling for her than just twiddling joysticks. She got into the Kinect Adventures that ships with the unit, then Fruit Ninjas (maybe the best kinect implementation ever), Wreckateers, Motion Sports Adrenaline, etc. She still won't play FPS or MMOs, alas, but at least we now share the gaming hobby, if not exactly the same taste in games.

I find slashdotters replies weird

[godrik]

Most slashdotters appear to recommend to not even try. That it is a bad idea. Or that she is to tired to play. That he should try to match her interest.

What a load of crap!

I think in all intimate relationship, you should do everything to make it work. All relationships need a part of common interest, a part of uncommon interest and a part of I'll-try-to-see-if-I-like-it interest.

There are many women that play. That your wife do not play does not mean that she would not like to play. Maybe she never had a chance to get into it. I think that if he likes playing, he should try to introduce her to games. There are many games that people like to casually play. Singing or musical games are typically fun. Dancing games can be fun. Shoot everything on the screen can be fun (my mom got addicted to "link crossbow training").

Maybe she won't like it. Fine. Then he should stop pushing and make it the thing he likes to do by himself. But maybe she will like it and they'll be able to do that from time to time.

Racing vs. platforming

[tepples]

In some ways, Mario Kart is like a platformer because some tracks require the player to make jumps over chasms in order to avoid having to be towed back on the road and losing several positions. And in some ways, Super Mario Bros. is a racing game.

Try Portal 2 Co-op

[thatbloke83]

Something that additionally has a sense of humour might be more enticing than other things.

Like a lot of other posters have said already though, you may just have to accept that gaming as YOU know it just isn't something she enjoys.

You're doing it wrong

[MatrixCubed]

You want to get her interested in gaming with you. Let's look at the root cause:

1) She begs, nags, harasses, pleads with you to get away from the computer, do something together, "spend more time with me", etc. You feel that getting her into gaming will bridge this gap, and let you continue on playing games together.

2) You watched some shitty movies, and have concluded that no movies in the history of cinema are worth watching. Or she only wants to watch chick-flicks. Or you can't agree on movies, so she watches The Notebook (again) and resents it the whole time, because you're busy playing a game.

3) She feels that she doesn't know you enough, wants to "meet you halfway", and has shown interest in playing something you play, rather than her typical Facebook games.

4) You want something for the both of you to do once your child(ren) is/are asleep, and the thought of reclaiming your juvenile adolescence by trouncing some n00b really butters your biscuit. It'd be great if you were a husband/wife team!

There's really only one thing to be said for all of these: you're doing it wrong.

You're in a new country. It has a history, a culture, a language. Go out and see and learn them, together. As a family.

You have a new family. It has a future, traditions, and time to be spent together. Don't waste it; spend it together. As a family.

You're wasting precious moments with people who don't give two shits about you, and avoiding precious moments with people who love you more than their own breath.

You're the man of the house. Act like it.

Re:You're doing it wrong

[the.well.loved.wife]

From THE wife- We have lived here 3 years. My children were born here and are Mozambican citizens. We speak fluent Portuguese. We work with Mozambicans on a daily basis. We travel, rock climb, surf, enjoy playing in the backyard with sprinkler and our big slobbery dog. My husband hasn't gamed since my 1st child was born, so no I am not nagging him. My children sleep at 7:30pm. We live in MOZAMBIQUE, so Netflix does quite deliver, the Redbox is an ocean away, and our internet is too slow for streaming video. We sometimes can rent and download the movie over multiple nights. Don't act so informed; you aren't. My husband was asking so we could play a game TOGETHER. Hint, hint. Spending time TOGETHER.

Re:You're doing it wrong

[MatrixCubed]

Thanks for clarifying who the man of the house is. :-)

Pick accessible games

[mysidia]

Unique games, that you both will be about equally good at, assuming neither of you played the game before. In other words: play in a game you haven't played very much, so you will not be appearing to have a great advantage or be the untouchable game-expert, so in fact, your spouse has a chance of being the better player at the game early, even if you do your best.

Things that resemble electronic versions of traditional games; such as Chess, Monopoly, Risk, board games. Turn-based games that are highly strategic, and require understanding of the rules, the specific game, or mathematics, to have an advantage.

These provide you less advantage, due to your experience with games that allow players to level high dexterity attained playing previous real-time/ shoot em up games to obtain an advantage.

It's certainly no fun playing a game you are relatively unfamiliar with against an expert player, who has been exposed to games of that sort for years.

So pick a genre you are less familiar with, or more uncomfortable with :)

Unrealistic Expectations

[shaitand]

"I'd love to get her interested in using to do co-op or combative games with me."

You are aware that she is a she right? I've known a couple girls who played shooters and combat games but they were the extremely rare exception. Most girls just aren't into games that are entirely driven by testosterone and predator/prey mentality. No idea why.

If you want to interest her in gaming you probably need to find more common ground so nothing that is about combat, owning, pvp, griefing, or of an otherwise in your face competitive nature. Slower action is usually better too. If it's an MMO then a more creative and social type of game is probably going to be appropriate.

The Sims is infamous for being chick bait.
Minecraft is also a great gender neutral game. You can play cooperatively. Although you are going to want to play on a non-pvp non-griefing server.

Re:Grow up

[CohibaVancouver]

If the female married to the male gamer has time to do her own things, then the male gamer should too in an "equal" marriage.

Sure, but in my experience, in couples with young kids it's never 'equal' - The male takes his 'me' time, but the female never gets her equivalent time, or if she does she winds up spending it grocery shopping.

Don't waste your time.

[water-and-sewer]

If she seems a little tired, it's because she's spending afternoons while you're at work, gaming with me.

Adventure games

[Dokterdok]

My SO wasn't into gaming at all until I intrigued her with adventure games where the context is realistic, a world, story and characters she can relate to (ie. no over-the-top fantasy/futuristic worlds), and an easy learning curve. Games where raw gamer skills aren't important, but where human soft-skills play a bigger role. We're both of us behind the same laptop, solving puzzles together, discussing what to do, about the characters, and so on.
A few games that fit the bill: Secret Files, LA Noire, Broken Sword 1/2, Phantasmagoria. I know it's a far cry from co-op FPS games, but it's a common digital playground we found and both enjoy.

Dude

[Anonymous Coward]

Grow up. This is the problem with "men" now. Put down the games and go do something with your hands in real life for crying out loud.

Re:Dude

[Legion303]

Like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBBbQiCXr64

Re:Here's how I did it.

[Anonymous Coward]

You put way too much time into that tactic of yours. Seriously have you considered opening the drapes and looking outside? Go hit the ball with your kid, go for a walk, breathe some fresh air. Burn the damn console and live your actual life, for crying out loud.

Words with Friends Live!

[naroom]

Maybe you two can play words with friends together.

Did you know they even have a version you can play in real life now? Games are finally growing out of cell phones and into the third dimension! It's a really exciting time to be a gamer, with these new and innovative products.

More seriously, try board games! My wife isn't much of a video gamer, but board games were a huge hit with her. Look at things like Agricola, Ticket to Ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, and Settlers of Catan. They reward analytical thinking like video games do, so you won't be bored, I promise.

Re:Words with Friends Live!

[Abstrackt]

More seriously, try board games! My wife isn't much of a video gamer, but board games were a huge hit with her. Look at things like Agricola, Ticket to Ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, and Settlers of Catan. They reward analytical thinking like video games do, so you won't be bored, I promise.

This is exactly what I did with my wife. I couldn't get her to play video games with me so I started playing board games with her instead. I like playing games and I like spending time with her so it was win-win.

Re:Words with Friends Live!

[Farmer Pete]

How many good 2 player board games are there? I've tried playing some games 2 player, and they just loose so much of the fun. I played Risk once in 2 player mode. It was horrid. Even with the neutral 3rd party, it just wasn't risk.

Puzzle games, even older ones.

[Jmc23]

Mist, 11th hour, Siberia, etc... Hell, even the old text zork games can be fun with two people.

Start off with co-operative things with minimal computer interaction and work your way up to blowing each other up competitively. Maybe some emulators? Who hasn't played SMB all incarnations with two people?

Two Player Board Games

[naroom]

My wife and I are in a similar spot, living temporarily in an area far away from people we know. As such, we've found a few good 2-player board games to occupy us.

Lost Cities is excellent, Odin's Ravens is very good (if slightly childish), and we're just digging into Jaipur now which may be the best yet.

The Sims

[slycendice]

Most gamer girls I know really go for The Sims

you did this backwards

[Goldsmith]

You need to know if the person you're planning on spending the rest of your life with, who you're planning on having kids with shares the same interests as you BEFORE you get married and have kids. If you're lucky and find a game she likes, great. Don't be surprised if you don't.

It's not fair to you to simply give up your hobby. It's not fair to her to expect her to pick up your hobby for your convenience.

You need to figure out what you like doing with your wife. Try board games, gardening, painting... there are many hobbies which will scratch that itch for you and which may appeal to your spouse as well.

You're a gamer...

[roc97007]

...and you have a spouse?

Perhaps the question to be asking....

[mark-t]

... should be is your wife a gamer in the first place?

Because if not, then the question really becomes "How do I get my significant other to like the things that I like?"

And it doesn't take a genius to figure out what road that question leads down.

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[inkrypted]

I have no idea I have been trying for a couple of decades but if you find the answer let me know.

Re:Grow up

[Harlequin80]

Hello, Thought you would like to meet me. I am a 32 year old married male with a 2.5yr old daughter and another daughter on the way. My wife is currently a stay at home mum but until my daughter was born she worked along side me in building our (and I do stress OUR) business. She was successful to the point that she was nominated for national awards for business and commerce. When someone comes from a successful, professional, background and has worked with you at exactly the same level what do you think the chances are that home things aren't evenly split? While I might go into an office to work, she works by raising our children. When I am not in the office the expectation is that tasks are split. Despite this I find time to game. Not as much as I would like to, but I don't get to ride my motorcycle as much as I want either. Those are the breaks. You simply have to manage your time and make sure you get things done efficiently. If you can you can always find time to do things that are important to you. To the OP. When I met my wife she was a total non gamer outside of owning but not playing a ps2. We started by playing Bubble Bobble with a drink being consumed by the loser.... Then I talked to her to find out what sort of thing she thought she might be interested in playing. From that she started playing Baldurs Gate. And here is where I learnt the key. I've been a gamer since I was about 6. Games come naturally to me. To her comments like, my god why did they do that it's stupid, and I don't get it, are common. So I learnt to spend a couple of hours just sitting next to her while she learns the particular mechanics of a game. First baldur's gate, then Civ 4. For a long time that was it. She would play them over and over and over and over again. She was damn good at Civ. Now she is playing Bioshock, her first ever FPS. To be really really nice she has a handle on the controls (mouse look and key move) which is definitely a bit better than my 2 year old... But she enjoys it. As long as I sit with her and help her. She can only do about 20 minutes though before her heart rate is over 400bpm and she is freaked out. But it's fun sitting there watching her try and shoot something. :P However a game she is playing LOADs and fits with having a kid is Hero Academy. She has that running 24/7 in the background of her PC. She is even playing against random people on the internet for the first time. It's turn based, there is no time pressure and she likes beating people. So I would say, sit down with your wife. Ask her what type of things she thinks would interest her. Find the SIMPLEST game that matches that and then sit next to her and walk her through it. And make it fun. Try a side bet or something.

Re:Grow up

[Benaiah]

I work in an Engineering office. Gaming has always occupied too large a slice of my life. The thousands of hours (/PLAYED) I have spent on wow could have taught me 3 new languages to the fluent level, become a master pianist, or ... see endless list of achievements. It wasn't until I was stuck on a minesite 24/7 working 12+ hour shifts with no internet outside of work hours that I broke my lifelong addiction. I swapped games for a gym routine and regular cardio exercise and my life and relationship has been better ever since. I do still dabble in casual games, however I no longer feel the need to get my partner to game, nor game for more than 4 hours a week. Its funny how much time I freed up without games, you have to be more organised to alleviate boredom, my house is far cleaner and more organised and I have become far more extroverted. I go scuba diving, mountain biking and rock climbing. These activities are far more interesting to my partner than playing an MMO together.

little big planet

[trexd___]

everyone loves cute little sackboy and plus most of the game is just nonsense anyways have fun :)

NO mario party

[ikaruga]

Whatever you do, if want your marriage to last, do NOT play Mario Party or Super Smash Bros games with her.
Keep those games for friends you don't care very much about.

Re:Grow up

[Harlequin80]

What a load of crap. That relationship is unbalanced because it's unbalanced. It has nothing to do with whether kids are there or not. That relationship has always been unbalanced. If a relationship is balanced before kids it will remain balanced after. My wife gets her time, I get mine. Do we both wish for more? Absolutely. But we both get our time. If mine is fragging people and hers is watching another episode of Jersey Shore what difference does it make?

Take the warnings with a grain of salt...

[seebs]

I know many couples who game and don't have all these problems. I have no idea what they're doing that makes these strange problems. We play games together, we play games separately, both are fun. Of course, we've both been gamers all along.

Usually, my thought is, if someone isn't into a particular hobby, there's a pretty limited benefit to trying to draw them in; if you do want to, though, try to find cooperative or social activities that aren't overwhelmingly complicated at first. Maybe.

Re:"How to get my spouse to start knitting with me

[seebs]

Well, you know.

This would be a heck of a lot more effective at communicating your point, except that my spouse got all excited about knitting and has been nudging me to try it, and...

Actually it's sorta cool.

shopping and credit card

[batistuta]

Make sure to play a game where she can buy add-ons using her credit card, do on-line shopping, and dress up figures like Miis or something.

Re:"How to get my spouse to start knitting with me

[TranquilVoid]

Sort of, except knitting is far more obscure a hobby than gaming. Even more, imagine if they already knitted every night and his question was "We've run out of patterns to knit. I know movies can provide a lot of entertainment. What are some good ways I can get my wife into watching films?"

You probably wouldn't chide him for trying to force his wife into an unreasonable hobby.

Re:Grow up

[Jesrad]

No male I know that has younger kids and an 'equal' marriage has time for video games.

So I'm the exception then ? Along with every married male colleague I ever had in a little under ten years of career in IT ? That or, more probably, you are just full of s_.

I'm married to a gamer...

[lilrobbie]

In my case, it wasn't too hard. She had grown up around consoles etc., and was happy to upgrade to some harder stuff.

But... I have successfully converted quite a few of my non-gamer friends into social gamers (male and female). A few points:

Anti-gamers fall into two categories:
(A) they think it's infantile and can't see how it is anything other than brain rotting
(B) they simply don't see (or can't imagine) sufficient return on investment for sunk effort

(A)'s can easily be converted if they have a few ounces of respect for you. I mean, you aren't infantile, so it doesn't make sense for them to dismiss something you do as an infantile or immature interest. My efforts in this area usually relate to finding the things that appeal to them on a general level (e.g., high-level strategy, adrenaline and energetic). One friend liked political discourse... so I play games that have an emphasis on social leadership types (e.g., guilds, small teams). Another friend is competitive, so its score-boards all the way. My spouse and I do co-op games only (Diablo III, Borderlands 2)... she likes the story line, and doesn't like competing with me (for similar reasons as you mentioned).

(B)'s, however, should generally be left to their rather rational choice. You can tell a (B) category because she doesn't think games are just for kids and boring... she just simply chooses to not spend her time doing that type of thing. In which case, good on her... she is exercising the same privilege you have in not learning to :)

Desire and a good game

[Codifex Maximus]

It helps if she "wants" to participate. Also, a MMORPG with strong female characters and a good user community.

Alternatively

[jandersen]

As an alternative, you could try to take an interest together in something entirely new. Who knows what beautiful and enriching experiences that would give you?

Alternative proposal

[prefec2]

You say, that there is not much entertainment (from the US, I guess) available to you in that magical country overseas. Where every you are, the best and greatest adventure is getting out of you house/flat/igloo/hut/tent and communicate with the locals. If you are not able to speak their language, try to learn it. It is much more appealing to interact with real people in real contexts, than to meet digital fellows in a digital tavern, drinking digital beer. You might get your wife to do that.

Re:Alternative proposal

[the.well.loved.wife]

From THE wife - We work with the 'locals', as you prefer to call them, on a daily basis. We've lived here 3 years. We speak fluent Portuguese. My children are Mozambican citizens. Mozambique is home to us, not a job assignment, so excuse me, if we are not out exploring while our children are in their beds. They sleep at 7:30pm. We choose to stay at home when they do that, so sometimes a little entertainment is nice.

From THE wife

[the.well.loved.wife]

Thank you to those that gave entry game suggestions and other ideas for nightly entertainment. I, perhaps more so than my husband, am bored with our current entertainment options and am seeking MORE interaction with my husband, in a way that vegging out in front of the TV does not provide. I believe he feels the same, so made this thoughtful inquiry WITH my knowledge. As for my husband, in all my precious years on this earth I have yet to meet his equal as a husband, father, and overall person. He has romanced me from day one and has not quit, even as life has become more chaotic in our current phase of parents to babies. He makes consistent sacrifices for MY happiness, more so than I do for him. He gave up gaming, nearly completely the day we got married, and absolutely completely the day my first child was born. He is the most involved father I have ever known, from changing cloth diapers, washing them, playing babies and pretend kitchen, feeding the kids, bathing them, whatever is necessary. We share responsibilities. We are at a place in life where our children are asleep for the night at 7:30pm, leaving a few hours for our relaxation and entertainment, just the two of us. For those of you who don't have that time, I am sorry it hasn't worked that way for you. We are choosing to cherish these moments - TOGETHER. As for culture and getting to know the country, we are daily immersed with Mozambicans, have learned Portuguese fluently so that we can join them in in their beautiful country, as well as have chosen to birth our children right here and give them the opportunity and right to be Mozambicans citizens. Mozambique is more our home than any other place in this world. We have no possessions anywhere else. We LIVE here, not just on job assignment for a few years. NOT typical ex-pats. So, with all respect, you speak from assumption and ignorance. As for being active, we have a rock wall in our living room that even my eldest child and I enjoy. That should say enough, but on top of that, we have 3 surf boards hanging in our guest room, my children who are under 2, love the beach, the park, ice cream shops, and most of all playing the backyard with their father they adore and their ginormous slobbery dog. As for sex, while it is none of your business, it is a-maz-ing. (As 3 kids under 3 may prove.) And even if we did have sex every single night, do you really expect it to take up our whole evening, every evening? If you think that, you live in some alternate fantasy world. Again, thank you the genuine suggestions, we are taking them into consideration.

Re:From THE wife

[davidannis]

You might try SecondLife. It is less like a conventional video game and more of an excuse to socialize with people from all over the world that you would never otherwise meet. One of my best friends is somebody that I met on SL who I never would have gotten to know otherwise. My wife dragged me in 4 years ago and can't get me out.

D&D Heroes (old xbox)

[Sakse]

For some reason, D&D Heroes worked well for me and my wife.

She'd pick a sword wielding warrior type and charge anything that moved and I'd pick a mage to do support.
Both had fun. The warrior has lots of action and doesn't require fine tuned 'aim the arrow' motor skills like that of a ranger.

I've been looking for a modern variant for PS3 of this ever since, but the games with multiplayer seems to use
the second player more as a sidekick and less as a companion.

Choosing the right game.

[StrangeBrew]

Others have mentioned it, but the key is Co-op and a game that stresses cooperation to finish tasks over high stressed violence. My first recommendation when asked this question is the Wii Lego series (StarWars, Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Batman, LOTR). They have cute cut-scenes, deaths aren't permanent, and you'll 'need' your partner's help. This is about 'us time' and if any games are going to let your wife feel like this is more about spending time together then it is about playing a video game it's these ones.

Words With Strangers

[tepples]

Gaming with someone/somemany is much more of a social activity than watching a movie or listening to music.

Even when "someone/somemany" is a stranger on the other side of the Internet? Because that's the way multiplayer has tended to go lately, rather than using a split or otherwise shared screen. I will grant though that perhaps the old Lucasarts games and other essentially turn-based adventures are more amenable to back-seat driving than a twitch game.

The secret of a long and happy marriage

[tehcyder]

is most definitely NOT to do every single thing together and be in each others' pockets 24/7.

A partnership is not some total melding of the two of you into one being.

Social & creative games

[jago25_98]

Wii.
Party games.
Social games.
Creative rather than violent games. ...instead of violent solo games. I find them very boring too now.

Start small scale up

[thewolfkin]

I suggest staying away from First person shooters. I mean Portal is a fine game and all but it's honestly not where I would start. I'd look for something co-op but with a degree of depth. We're not looking for Fire Emblem here but something a bit more than bejeweled. I'd suggest Plants vs Zombies or maybe Geometry Wars. The thing you have to remember with new gamers is that controls are flipping hard. You need a game with simple controls or long enough time to decide what to do which is why turn based games would be a plus but most turn-based games are old school so maybe something with an active battle system. Something kinda like the Penny-Arcade game. Bit.Trip, Jetpack Joyride those are games with simple controls that are easy to pick up. Unfortunately they can get a bit hard. Still start there, maybe try an adventure game like Walking Dead or Back to the Future. You're going to need something easy to get her interested in gaming before you can start to ramp her up on difficulty.

As you go try to show her a variety of games. It's been my experience that most girls like different games and than dudes. My ex used to love Baten Kaitos and just being able to say that gives me a bit of tumescence. But other girls have liked music games like Singstar, or lightgun games like House of the Dead: Overkill (dude that game almost got me laid once.. hugely recommend.

Also try to get something with a heavy cooperative element. Even if she sucks at lightgun games you can help out. Singing doesn't need to be 'defeated'. Co-op games tend to require you to work together. What you need with a new gamer is something that you can effectively take over without letting her know. Mario Galaxy let's you help Mario, and my Overkill partner wasn't all that great but she never knew and as we progressed i let her take over more and more holding back shots.

Borderlands is also a good co-op game if you want to branch her up. It does allow your greater game skill to supplement for her. You can protect her and let her grow as a gamer.

My girl used to be sick at Metroid Prime pinball those are pretty easy and fun games. heavy on intrinsic reward

Beat 'em 'ups like Castle Crashers or Scott Pilgrim are also great for this.

Try to avoid games where you depend on each other like Sports games because her lack of knowledge will drag you down and she'll feel bad. I really think Sands of Time is a fantastic game for a new gamer. It's very well done and it wants you to finish it.

Score attack games like Pac-Man CE DX can be really really fun and also play off classic games she's likely familiar with. Like those 'fake gamer girls' who talk about Super Mario Bros 1. But introduce higher level gaming concepts like faster speed, flashing colors, power ups, graphical fidelity.

A lot of my games were based on my PS3 trophy list but they're the types of games you should look for on the PC, look for things like Hoard which is competitive but not necessarily against each other.

Hit up the Indie spots. World of Goo for instance was a big hit with my sister.

She's on her own with the kids, and...

[phoebbs]

...you want her to play online games with you ?

Don't you think she's already got enough to deal with ?

Perhaps if you moved back home and helped share some of the childcare / household responsibilities, she'd have a chance...

Quake 2 and Age of Empires I

[toofast]

I've had good success with Quake II and Age of Empires -- the original one.

Quake II has a co-op mode, and my (girlfriend at the time) really got into it. Then I started on Age of Empires (the 1997 game) and since we can team up, we played that plenty.

But we haven't played other games, not from lack of trying. I think the success factors for those two games:
- Simple, Easy to play
- The game eventually ends
- Did I mention Simple?

When we got bored with AoE we eventually tried AoE II. The game was much more complex than the original AoE, and a game tended to "never end" -- you'd save and continue the same game forever, whereas AoE we had it down to a 45 minute to 1 hour game.

That being said, my wife got into the Sims, and I didn't, so a gamine duo we are not. And I don't push it either.

Click and point adventures

[allcoolnameswheretak]

I've had a good time playing through some click and point adventures, such as Machinarium, with my girlfriend. The important thing is for the game to have more puzzle elements that both can discuss and think about, and less "actiony" elements where only one can play while the other is looking. The old Lucas Arts adventures that you can play with ScummVM or Dosbox should work very well for this.

She already is

[nobaloney]

How Do I Get My Spouse To Start Gaming With Me?

She's already gaming with you; just not in a way you'd like.

Coming from a the partner of a gamer...

[samazon]

My partner (I hate the word "boyfriend" because we're adults, we are buying a house together, I'm a grown ass woman and not a "girlfriend") and I both enjoy video games, however, we didn't start gaming together until City of Heroes. He was a hardcore WoW-er and XBOX gamer, and I was more into Sims/Simcity/Civilization with some zombie shooters every once in a while. City of Heroes was something I loved (customizable to the MAX in terms of character creation) and we really got closer over, because it made me feel less like he was "leaving me" to play WoW (because he'd play COH with me, or I could play alone while he WoWed). COH is closed now, but I enjoyed Guild Wars 2 for a brief period (it gets repetitive quickly but is very pretty and the crafting system is fun for someone who isn't used to other games' crafting systems) and I LOVE an MMO called The Secret World, which is VERY MUCH story-oriented and worth giving a go. I think you should look at both games, and most importantly, ask her what she would enjoy playing. An honest conversation about what she likes, doesn't like, and what will make her feel "bad" is really important - most important is to listen to her and "read between the lines." I'm just as bad about quitting a game if I feel like my partner has advanced so far that playing with me is "boring" for him and I'm not invested in it personally. The nice thing about TSW is that quests are repeatable and you can "delevel" yourself really easily (there are no levels - equipment determines your "level") to go back and play with her and have it been on a more even level (so you're not one-shotting things that are killing her). It may also be that she will enjoy a game like the new SimCity or The Sims 3, or Civilization, or Magic the Gathering. These are the games I play when my partner is shooting stuff in Call of Duty (which I play every so often - but there's the issue where I feel bad because I "bring the team down" even when I'm playing well) or playing something I don't enjoy (he likes a lot more games than float my boat). Also, there are little puzzlers I enjoy - World of Goo and Zenbound are two that come off the top of my head. Look for the Humble Bundles when they come out - it's a great way to get a couple fun little games, and you'll get a better idea of what she enjoys if she dabbles in some different genres.

Us time

[tepples]

sitting next to each other and interacting a bit qualifies much better as "us time,"

I agree. But certain fanboys would claim that "us time" is far more often done with a console, and that the fraction of people who would consider using a PC for "us time" (as opposed to a console) is so minuscule that developers shouldn't bother spending time=money to target it.

Re:May I suggest

[fascismforthepeople]

May I make a suggestion? Sex. Try that. I know you are talking about kids, and that means you aren't getting any lately, so try getting back to basics. And then, while you are doing it, play the video game you like and it's like you are gaming together.

It took a while to figure out what you meant, since people like you never manage to meet females to marry and have sex with. Then I realized that you were referring not to the kind of wife that one meets and marries on one's own, but rather to the kind that is purchased. That is, of course, a key component to your religious fantasy - the open buying, selling, and discarding of people on the free market. Hence, as you would view your wife as your property that is owned, you would feel entitled to force her into intercourse regardless of how she feels.

In other words, once again while you claim to be a champion of individual freedoms and other such bullshit, you are actually pushing for fascism for the people.

Re:Grow up

[TranquilVoid]

If the people I meet in WoW are anything to go by, most housewives have a good 4-8 hours per day to play games. :)

Re:Offer to cuddle afterwards

[Takehiko]

Best reply in this whole thread!

Good 2-player games

[naroom]

They're not easy to find.

At one extreme, you have the zero-sum pure competition games. Chess and Go are classic examples, but the most cutthroat one I've come across is Caesar and Cleopatra. Divorce in a box, if you ask me.

At the other extreme, you have the "family game" type, which is pretty much random who wins and who loses. The card game Fluxx is the best example I can think of here. I've played Fluxx while actively trying to lose, and won despite my best efforts. These can be fun, but they're not intellectually stimulating.

The good two-player games are in a sweet spot between those two extremes. The perfect 2-player game has enough randomness that you won't feel bad if you lose, but enough strategy to make you feel like your actions mattered when you win.

Lost Cities, Odin's Ravens, and Jaipur are three such games. They are all card games, and what cards you get is significant in all three games. But all 3 games let you manage your luck in different ways, so having a good strategy is essential.

Re:Grow up

[trdrstv]

No male I know that has younger kids and an 'equal' marriage has time for video games.

Then I'm happy to be your first, please to meet you! My fiance and I work full time and have a 5 year old in Kindergarten yet I still game. Sure it's changed a bit since I was single... I can't play Skyrim or Zelda anymore (as much as I want to) because I seldom get blocks of hours of free time needed to enjoy them. In general my game time comes after they are both asleep and instead of the big sweeping epics I play a lot of "Arcade style games". By "Arcade" I mean quick pick up and play games that I can play 20-30 minutes of and be completely content with.

There's also the games we like to play WITH eachother. She isn't a gamer by any stretch, but the 3 of us enjoy Wii Party, Wii Sports Resort ... stuff like that. We also play board games together as a family activity. So sure... I still game regularly, but it's just different is all.