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Reasons You're Not Getting Interviews; Plus Some Crazy Real Resume Mistakes

Yvonne Lee, Community Manager at Dice.com writes, "Not using standard job titles, not tying your work to real business results and not using the right keywords can mean never getting called for an interview, even if you have the right skills to do the job. I once heard advice to use the exact wording found in the ad when placing your keywords. I think you're even more unlikely to get a job if you do some of the things on this list."

47 of 246 comments (clear)

  1. LMFTFY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yvonne Lee, Toolbag Mouthpiece at Dice.com writes, "Using a thinly veiled facade to make yourself appear to be a PR authority figure, not tying your true intent to forced Slashdot stories and not letting the site continue on as it was can mean the systematic destruction of the very asset you paid good money for, even if you thought you have the right skills to do the job. I once heard advice to let the editors decide what is newsworthy and what is not. I think you're even more unlikely to get a return on your investment if you do exactly what I'm doing right now."

    1. Re:LMFTFY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

      What she really thinks she's doing: "Using job and industry news to increase user stickiness, SEO performance and conversion into jobs database". I wonder how that's working out?

    2. Re:LMFTFY by SomePgmr · · Score: 4

      The best part was the tag, "nodice". I got a laugh out of that... can we make it a recurring thing if we keep getting these?

    3. Re:LMFTFY by cod3r_ · · Score: 4, Interesting

      what exactly is a community manager?

    4. Re:LMFTFY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      What she really thinks she's doing: "Using job and industry news to increase user stickiness, SEO performance and conversion into jobs database". I wonder how that's working out?

      Not going to touch "increase user stickiness" with a ten foot pole.

      What's depressing is that she's been at this shit for 10 years, and her top accomplishments are things like, "simultaneously managed two magazine sections and a web publication."

      The problem with all these stories on how to write your resume is that they're written by people who are fundamentally useless and are stuck writing puff pieces and managing someone's twitter account.

    5. Re:LMFTFY by Ol+Biscuitbarrel · · Score: 3, Funny

      Not going to touch "increase user stickiness" with a ten foot pole.

      I see what you did there.

    6. Re:LMFTFY by richlv · · Score: 4, Informative

      wahaha. i only opened this article to comment that it's an annoying amount of non-geek advertisement-like stories from dice - thanks for putting it first in a more humourous way :)

      my search for previous adverts revealed lower right corner text "Slashdot is a Dice Holdings, Inc. company"

      bad website, bad. sit, no bone for you.

      --
      Rich
    7. Re:LMFTFY by mindwhip · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Not for very much longer if this spam continues. I've been reading /. for much longer than my userid would indicate (just never got around to registering) but I'm seriously considering removing it from my home tabs and looking elsewhere for news for nerds that is actually news and stuff that actually matters and not this crap.

      --
      [The Universe] has gone offline.
    8. Re:LMFTFY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      You'll continue to open a new tab and type in "slashdot.org" when you're bored, completely out of muscle memory. I swore this site off back when Geeknet was screwing it up and it didn't work; now that Dice is screwing it up and I'm still here, I'm not going to bother with "I'll never come here again if you don't stop being terrible" threats that, realistically, I'm just not going to follow through on.

    9. Re:LMFTFY by smellotron · · Score: 3, Informative

      You'll continue to open a new tab and type in "slashdot.org" when you're bored, completely out of muscle memory.

      It's worse for Opera users. I type /. into my address bar to get here. Including the Enter key, that's 3 keystrokes all in an addictive little cluster.

    10. Re:LMFTFY by houstonbofh · · Score: 4, Funny

      The problem with all these stories on how to write your resume is that they're written by people who are fundamentally useless and are stuck writing puff pieces and managing someone's twitter account.

      The bigger problem is that the people who review your resume are fundamentally useless and are stuck writing puff pieces and managing someone's twitter account.

  2. HWGA by drcheap · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Yup...here we go again.

    F U dice.com, F U.

    1. Re:HWGA by erikkemperman · · Score: 5, Funny

      Seconded.

      Still, may as well try to make the best of it. Joey Coumeau wrote some pretty funny job applications:

      http://www.asofterworld.com/oqarchive.php

      --
      Gosh, thanks. That must be why the other ships call me Meatfucker -- GCU Grey Area (Eccentric)
    2. Re:HWGA by SomePgmr · · Score: 5, Funny

      Right now there's a slashdot editor yelling across the office, "See? I tried to tell you this was a bad idea."

    3. Re:HWGA by _anomaly_ · · Score: 4, Interesting

      What? Posting a summary on slashdot of a Dice.com fluff piece from June 2011 isn't a good idea?!

      --
      "I have no special gift, I am only passionately curious." - Albert Einstein
    4. Re:HWGA by dubbreak · · Score: 5, Insightful

      That actually made me laugh out loud. The sad thing is that most likely reflects reality.

      You have got to be pretty out of touch to think doing that is a good idea. It's not one of those things that "looks good on paper" then takes a nose dive. It was a bad call from the get go.

      Of course it could be worse. Every front page story could be a shoddy summary and link to a Dice.com "article". Personally I'm still reeling over the How to use a Linux Virtual Private Server "article". What's worse is they moved the "article" from Dice.com to slashdot itself to, I dunno, give it more credibility?

      "Hey, this old fluff piece we wrote has something about Linux! We should post a story about it!"

      "Shoot, they didn't like that it's a Dice.com article"

      "I KNOW.. we'll move it to the slashdot domain.. that way it'll be credible!!!"
      "Awesome idea!!!"
      *back pats all around*

      --
      "If you are going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
    5. Re:HWGA by Common+Joe · · Score: 3, Insightful

      TFA is really "very helpful". Let's review:

      1) Use Industry Standard Job Titles: Hey! Great idea! Which one should I use? Programmer? Software developer? Software engineer? Software designer? Coder? Thank goodness it's standardized in the I.T. world!

      2) Tie Your Your Work to Business Results: What another fantastic idea. Because I know exactly how much my programming earns or saves a multi-million dollar business. I know that because managers always give detailed feedback to peons like me. Also, most of what I do is very interesting. Like "Write a brain-dead GUI that will fire off several database stored procedures in the proper order." Wow! I nailed that business result and business are going to be so impressed with me! I also am appreciative that I can talk openly about what I do in my business. For instance, I [CENSORSED] and [RETRACTED] just the other day using [SOME TECHNOLOGY] and [ANOTHER TECHNOLOGY]. I sleep well knowing my business won't come after me for talking about what they consider business secrets.

      3) Have the Key Words Needed to Get Hits From the Software: In other words, I need to be just like everyone else so that I can get picked for a job out of thousands of candidates. What a fantastic idea!

      Thank you, DICE! Your article that is nearly two years old that got posted on the front page of Slashdot is the best thing I've read in a long time. I have no doubt these pearls of wisdom you've given me and all of my fellow Slashdotters will help all of us find our next fulfilling job!

    6. Re:HWGA by tompaulco · · Score: 3, Funny

      A reply explaining Dice (somewhat snarkily, I admit, but true) to a question about Dice on a site owned by Dice in an article which is an advertisement for Dice is modded off-topic. All hail the new Dice overlords!

      --
      If you are not allowed to question your government then the government has answered your question.
  3. Again? by olip85 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Another link to dice.com? That must be a great site! No time to comment! I'm heading over there RIGHT NOW!!

    1. Re:Again? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I know what you're thinking, and they don't sell actual dice.

    2. Re:Again? by Obfuscant · · Score: 3, Funny
      Isn't that the official website of celebrated comedian and all-round nice guy Andrew "Dice" Clay? I mean, they can't have the domain name for a trademarked person and not be the official site, can they?

      Someone who is a libertarian ought to complain to the UN/WIPO/ICANN/whatever and try to get it taken away.

  4. It All Started Last Year ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    CEO of Dice: How can we make ourselves appear to be an authority figure on hiring.
    Yvonne Lee: Well, really all you need is eyeballs that people will automatically use to read whatever you put in front of them.
    CEO of Dice: Yes, but how do we do that?
    Yvonne Lee: Um, you could purchase a tech blog site like Slashdot.org.
    CEO of Dice: "Slashdot"? Sounds violent ... would that work?
    Yvonne Lee: Yes, everything that goes up on there is widely regarded as fact by millions of idiots every day.
    CEO of Dice: Very well, one slash dot dot org, please! *holds up $137 in small bills and drops some change on the table*

  5. Dice.com by Swampash · · Score: 5, Funny

    After study a couple of of the weblog posts on your internet site now, and I genuinely like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and will probably be checking back soon. I certainly will be recommend dice.com to all friends and good family.

    News for nerds, stuff that matters.

  6. Can someone point me in the right direction? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I need to know where /. moved to. I didn't realize this url was now the Dice.com blog.

  7. Any way to filter out these ads? by SlappyMcInty · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Is there a way to filter out 'stories' based on their tags? I.e. "ad" ?

  8. Sadly Enough by Whorhay · · Score: 4, Interesting

    From experience I know that one of the largest employers in the USA actually gives you a much better shot at a job if you do include the same key phrases in your resume. The mass crush of resumes that come in for any job opening requires that the HR drones put everything through an automated filter or three. If your resume doesn't pass those filters nothing else matters because no one is going to read it.

  9. Re:Why the Dice.com hate? by CanHasDIY · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Not that I'm in the job market or even looking, but it didn't take long to figure out people hate these guys. Just wondering why.

    Because we come here to read the news, not to have some parent-company advertisement misrepresented to us as if it were news.

    CmdrTaco knew his audience; /.'s new masters at Dice.com don't seem to have figured it out quite yet.

    --
    An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
  10. Re:Why the Dice.com hate? by swanzilla · · Score: 4, Insightful

    They bought /. from Geeknet and drivel like this now shows up here.

  11. Re:Why the Dice.com hate? by admdrew · · Score: 3, Insightful

    They (now) own Slashdot, so submissions like these are more ad than substance (see: slashvertisement). This is also a bullshit article, which is kind of indicative of the rest of the stuff coming from dice.com - it's specifically tailored to recruiter-based interviews only, something (in my experience) that are actually very rare. This is essentially SEO for recruiters, and isn't really that constructive.

  12. This is anti-productive. by digitalvengeance · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Prior to the recent rash of Dice.com slashvertisements, I held a very positive opinion of both Dice.com and Slashdot. With each new thinly veiled attempt to drive traffic to Dice, I lose a little bit of respect for each.

    If Dice wants to put ads on slashdot, just put ads on slashdot. Stop running fake stories that just diminish a site that has spent a long time earning a loyal following.

    --
    How many roads must a man walk down? 42.
  13. "some of the things on the list" by blind+biker · · Score: 4, Insightful

    This is one of the reason I despise the industry and the lore that surrounds it: the ostensible "professionalism", the bullshitting, the going to the job interview in suit and tie (what the fuck for, nobody knows), the total lack of colour and creativity, the need to use boilerplate and keywords...

    And the fact that "some of the things on the list" are considered outlandish and not conducive to getting a job. I found humorous every single item on that list, and would considered the candidate to have an advantage, exactly for having a sense of humor, rather than a disadvantage in getting a job.

    In academia, where I work now, things are somewhat similar but not as bad as in the industry, and there's a measure of nuttiness and humor you can get away with.

    --
    "The agriculture ministry is not in charge of Gundam" - Japanese ministry official.
    1. Re:"some of the things on the list" by JaredOfEuropa · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Sadly I've seen plenty of HR types who look at resumés through that lens. I've done some resumé selecting (and subsequent interviewing) as well; my last employer put great store in letting their consultants rather than HR do the better part of selecting potential hires. What I looked for: creativity (if applicable to the job, which it almost always was), relevant work experience (yes we actually call your references, and bring your diplomas too), outstanding achievements in and outside the job (be prepared to be thoroughly questioned on those), or obvious turn-offs (inappropriate comments, excessive spelling/grammatical errors). What I overlooked: the occasional spelling error, not conforming to the standard typography or format for resumés, not showing up in a suit (though one should look at least somewhat presentable), mentioning odd activities or hobbies. Wearing a suit, communicating in a professional manner, speaking the lingo... those are things we can teach you if you're an otherwise clever, competent and motivated person.

      By the way, if I am ever asked to interview someone for an HR position, I'd give them a nice mix of resumes of people I've interviewed before, asking them to make a motivated selection. I seriously doubt miss Lee would pass muster...

      --
      If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
    2. Re:"some of the things on the list" by ApplePy · · Score: 3, Insightful

      I might as well be a molecular biochemist trying to discuss DNA coding with a construction foreman.

      Okay, I'm a corner case, but....

      Careful with your insults there. I was once a construction foreman myself. I grew up in the business, am good at it, and enjoy the smell of sawdust. I'm in IT now because construction doesn't pay much and has too many foreigners. I'll still build my own house one day.

      But I assure you, I can discuss all sorts of scientific minutiae with you, oh great genius who has never stooped to manual labor. You might have a skill or two I don't... I've got hundreds you don't, I promise you.

      I'll never forget the time, when I was a 17-year-old lowly construction grunt, listening to some classical music in my truck whilst eating my lunch... the foreman came over to talk to me, and asked... "is that Debussy?" It was.

      Nerds don't always come in Dockers, dude.

      --
      That I'm right, and you don't like it, doesn't mean I'm a troll.
    3. Re:"some of the things on the list" by hackertourist · · Score: 4, Insightful

      No, we think that wearing a suit is uncomfortable, expensive and inefficient. It also doesn't accomplish anything.
      The suit represents everything that's wrong with concepts like fashion. The tie, for instance: it's a useless piece of clothing that doesn't do anything except get in the way, and hasn't done anything for hundreds of years.

      Yet it's still seen as an essential item of clothing by people who care for appearance over practicality, and who see nothing wrong with judging people on their appearance. They're the ones who think they're superior. We're just being practical.

  14. "Standard Job Title"? by CptNerd · · Score: 4, Interesting

    What the heck is a "standard job title" anyway? I've worked at 12 different companies in my nearly 30 years in software development, and never have I had the same "job title." I'm pretty sure my current job title is meaningless to anyone else looking to hire me, as would the dozen other job titles I've had be.

    Get back to me when the "industry" publishes a list of "standard job titles" and makes every company comply with it.

    --
    By the taping of my glasses, something geeky this way passes
  15. To Yvonne Lee from all slashdot readers, by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

    Since you didn't read my post from yesterday, here it is again: Please go fuck yourself. Seriously. Everybody here means it. That's all. Thank you.

  16. Read an interesting tip... by Nexzus · · Score: 5, Interesting

    ...on another forum:

    Copy and paste the entire job description into a 1 pixel by 1 pixel box on your resume. Invisible to the naked eye, but parsers easily pick it up.

    Just make sure to watch the sites that parse and reformat for you (Monster, eg) when uploading.

    --
    Karma: Can only be portioned out by the Cosmos.
  17. See ya, Slashdot. by 1729 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    We're getting this every day? And Dice is apparently deleting comments? Fuck that. Slashdot is done. Nice work, Dice.

    PS: I'm on my way over to delete my Dice profile too, since the company is clearly incompetent and unethical.

    1. Re:See ya, Slashdot. by samzenpus · · Score: 5, Informative

      We didn't delete anyone's comments. http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=3455889&cid=42890287

  18. Anyone else "trying" to quit? by ponds · · Score: 5, Funny

    Every time I read one of these, it confirms that there's no purpose in Slashdot anymore, but my muscle memory for the last ~12 years or so keeps navigating me to slashdot subconciously. Then when I figure out what I'm doing, I get all sad. Anyone else in this situation? This is not intended to be modded Funny :/

  19. Re:Why the Dice.com hate? by Tarsir · · Score: 4, Insightful

    To be fair, drivel like this has been showing up for Slashdot for years. I didn't notice it was a paid piece until I read the comments complaining about it. The problem is two--fold. First is a matter of principal--rather than get their drivel on Slashdot through users submissions, like all the other drivel, they're using their position as parent company to do so.

    Second is the very real possibility that paid Dice.com drivel will increase in volume until there is nothing left but Dice.com drivel pieces. Then the few genuinely good stories will be gone.

  20. And so it has come to this by 6031769 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    It's been fun, it really has. Over the years as a lurker, as AC and then eventually as a lowly 6-digiter I have seen tons of insight, reasoned debate and out-and-out flame wars. There's been +5 Funny and -1 Troll and everything in between. And despite all of the bitching, there really was quite a bit of news for nerds and stuff that mattered.

    Up until the last couple of months, when it all seems to have gone down the pan at warp factor nine. On this wonderful internet of ours things come and things go. Now is clearly the time for the venerable /. to go and I will help it on its way, albeit with a heavy heart.

    So long, slashdot!

    --
    Burns: We're building a casino!
    McAllister: Arrr. Give me 5 minutes.
  21. University of Nix by VAXcat · · Score: 4, Funny

    This reminds me of an application bought here at MegaBigCompany years back that promised to automatically scan, sort, classify, grade and determine what resumes where good for what job openings. HR was thrilled at the work it would save. We lost a lot of faith in it when we noticed that it reported many of applicants whose resumes it had scanned had gone to the University of Nix....we wondered, did they all go to a strangely named college? Then it occurred to me that the app was parsing UNIX on the resumes of people looking for IT jobs, as the University of Nix....

    --
    There is no God, and Dirac is his prophet.
  22. Enough already! by asackett · · Score: 4, Insightful

    It's been a fun ride, slashdot, but slamming into the wall at the end ruined it for me. Dice Holdings, Inc. can apply big wet smoochies to that part of my anatomy that is reserved for evacuating the stuff that Dice does best.

    --

    Warning: This signature may offend some viewers.

  23. Re:Meme alert. by mutube · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yvonne Lee, Community Manager at Dice.com writes,

    I went for a job at NASA yesterday.
    Everything was going well until they asked me what my ambitions were.
    I replied, "The sky's the limit!" and they told me I wasn't suitable :/

  24. "Slashdot Staff".... by Nidi62 · · Score: 4, Informative

    ...has now been excluded on my options. Hopefully that should take care of all the Dice stories for me.

    --
    The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
  25. slashdot as dice.com shill site? by argStyopa · · Score: 4, Interesting

    WWCTD

    What
    Would
    Commander
    Taco
    Do?

    Wonder how he feels about this. I mean, he got his pile of $$ and "is out" but still, I bet he cares.

    --
    -Styopa