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An Evidence-Based Approach To Online Dating
HughPickens.com writes Rachel Nuwer writes in the NYT that Dr. Sameer Chaudhry's online dating persona was garnering no response from the women he reached out to so he synthesized 86 literature studies on the subject of online dating in the fields of psychology, sociology, and computer, behavioral, and neurocognitive sciences.in hopes of improving his odds. As it turns out, success begins with picking a user name. While men are drawn to names linked to physical traits (e.g., Cutie), the researchers found, women prefer ones that indicate intelligence (e.g., Cultured). Both sexes respond well to playful names (e.g. Fun2bwith) and shy away from ones with negative connotations (e.g., Bugg). User names that begin with letters from the first half of the alphabet do better than those from the latter half. "As human beings, we have a tendency to give things at the top of a pile more value," says Khan. As for your profile photo, pick a photo with a genuine smile, one that crinkles the eyes, and with a slight head tilt (it's linked to attractiveness). And if you're looking for a male partner, go for that photo of you in siren red—a color that enhances men's attraction to women. "For those attracted to browse into the profile, a description of personal traits increased likeability when it: showed who the dater was and what they were looking for in a 70:30 ratio; stayed close to reality; and employed simple language with humor added. Invitations were most successful in obtaining a response from the potential date when they: were short personalized messages addressing a trait in their profile; rhymed with their screen name or headline message; and extended genuine compliments." And finally, don't wait too long before arranging a face to face meeting.
What I'm most confused about these days is how, when engaging in online dating, the two people involved determine the actual gender of the other.
During our Christmas family gathering, my nephew (who is attending college) was explaining to me and my wife about how gender is no longer binary. Apparently there aren't just "males" and "females". There are some people who have a male body, but they identify as being female, and vice versa. Some people even identify as not having any gender, or having both genders sometimes, or even both genders all of the time. Apparently some people even consider their gender to be dog or cat or some other animal! Modern medical and surgical techniques now make it possible for people to change their physical gender traits almost at will. Women can physically become men, and men and physically become women.
Me and my wife came from a simpler time, when you could tell somebody's gender based on their genitalia. If you needed confirmation, you'd ask them to remove their pants and underwear, and you could observe for yourself what their genitalia was like. If you saw a penis, you were dealing with a man. If you saw a vulva then you were dealing with a woman. But based on what my nephew said, it does not sound that simple these days!
So when one engages in online dating, how does one know the actual gender of the people they are dealing with? Somebody may claim to be a woman, and may even look like a woman in photos, but under their pants would be a penis, or what's left of a penis that was surgically converted into a vagina. If you are a man looking for a woman, how would you guarantee that the person you're looking at the profile of is actually a woman, and has always been a woman? If you are a man who is looking for a woman who used to be a man, how would you guarantee that the person you're looking at the profile of is actually a man who was physically altered to become a woman?