An Evidence-Based Approach To Online Dating

HughPickens.com writes Rachel Nuwer writes in the NYT that Dr. Sameer Chaudhry's online dating persona was garnering no response from the women he reached out to so he synthesized 86 literature studies on the subject of online dating in the fields of psychology, sociology, and computer, behavioral, and neurocognitive sciences.in hopes of improving his odds. As it turns out, success begins with picking a user name. While men are drawn to names linked to physical traits (e.g., Cutie), the researchers found, women prefer ones that indicate intelligence (e.g., Cultured). Both sexes respond well to playful names (e.g. Fun2bwith) and shy away from ones with negative connotations (e.g., Bugg). User names that begin with letters from the first half of the alphabet do better than those from the latter half. "As human beings, we have a tendency to give things at the top of a pile more value," says Khan. As for your profile photo, pick a photo with a genuine smile, one that crinkles the eyes, and with a slight head tilt (it's linked to attractiveness). And if you're looking for a male partner, go for that photo of you in siren red—a color that enhances men's attraction to women. "For those attracted to browse into the profile, a description of personal traits increased likeability when it: showed who the dater was and what they were looking for in a 70:30 ratio; stayed close to reality; and employed simple language with humor added. Invitations were most successful in obtaining a response from the potential date when they: were short personalized messages addressing a trait in their profile; rhymed with their screen name or headline message; and extended genuine compliments." And finally, don't wait too long before arranging a face to face meeting.

Comments

Interesting concept

[wwphx]

I met my wife online some 12 years ago, our 10th anniversary is in June. Prior to her I had mixed results with online dating, I followed the 'to thine own self be true' model and had a very honest profile. I think that my takeaway from my experience was that it takes time and doesn't give instant results. My wife found me: I lived 500 miles away from her at the time and wasn't searching that broad a radius, she was running in to little but ignorant rednecks and broadened her search radius, finding me. It looks to me like you can keep your profile honest by following the FA's advice, you're just optimizing a bit to try to improve results. If I were looking, I'd definitely give it some serious consideration.

I'm definitely forwarding this to a friend who lost his wife a bit over a year ago and hasn't been having much luck with online dating.

Re:Define "success"

[ShanghaiBill]

If it's for a life partner, it's the result of a gross misconception. Your profile in dating sites is supposed to restrict your responses to those from people you might get along with

No, this is a gross misconception. A profile tells you almost nothing about whether you will get along with that person. You just want to meet as many people as possible that meet your basic qualifications. I am happily married, and have two kids with a woman I met through match.com. There was nothing about her profile that said "this is the one". I didn't know that until we met, and a coffee at Starbucks was extended into a dinner and a long walk in the park. At that point, I had been using match.com for about a year, I had sent hundreds of invitations, and met more than 30 women face-to-face. Many of them were nothing like what their profile described. A few of them were a bit out of my league, and didn't respond to my followups. Three of them led to relationships that lasted at least a few weeks, and one of those led to a family.

As a successful user of on-line-dating, here are my suggestions:
1. Be honest, but highlight your good points.
2. Avoid anything that could be perceived as "creepy".
3. Mention that you like dogs or horses (unless you don't).
4. Put up multiple pictures of yourself, doing active stuff, especially if it involves dogs or horses.
5. When you send an invitation, mention some things from her profile, and compliment her on something specific.
6. Move as quickly as possible to a face-to-face meeting, usually within a few days.
7. Keep the first meeting short and simple. A coffee at Starbucks is good.
8. Go to the gym right before your date.
9. Have realistic expectations

When I would send initial invitations, I got about a 30% response rate, which I have heard is very good. Early in the week, I would send about 10 or 12. I would get 3 or 4 responses. We would send a few messages back and forth, and then I would suggest we talk on the phone, and send my number. If she called, and sounded like a nice person, I would try to set up a face-to-face. I would usually meet one or two women for coffee dates over the weekend. If we hit it off, I would sometimes ask to extend the date into dinner, and I would followup with an email or phone call later that night. But for every invitation I sent, I had only about a 10% chance of meeting her, and only a 1% chance of anything beyond a single meeting. You need to cast a big net.

Re:Boring

[angel'o'sphere]

Perhaps try a 'better' or different dating site?
I recommend http://www.okcupid.com/ plenty of women there who like engineers.
Regarding dating women with kids, there is that invention of a baby sitter. You could help her organize one. Sure, you might be asked or feel obliged to pay for the sitter.
Also you might find it possible to 'date' her including the kid, like going into a zoo or a circus (cinema only works if you have time before or after the movie).
Another way to meet women in RL is to make sports. Go dancing. Best sport ofc is martial arts, some where groups are mixed gender. Karate, Aikido etc. even Judo is usually mixed gender. Or Caipoera, Escrima, Silat ... or simply do something exotic. There are plenty of sports where women train together with men. And like in everything: the amount of divorced or otherwise solo girls is in such an area just the same as everywhere else. Benefit: even if a women is slightly overweight, if they do sport they usually are attractive nevertheless (better muscles, more charisma, more self confidence).