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Han Solo To Get His Own Star Wars Movie Prequel
New submitter alaskana writes: According to Starwars.com, Han Solo will be getting his own movie prequel. The film will purportedly tell the story of a young Han Solo and how he came to be the wily smuggler that shows up in Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope. The film is set to be directed by Christopher Miller and Phil Lord (of The Lego Movie fame) and written by Lawrence and Jon Kasdan. Get your popcorn and tickets ready, as the movie is set to debut May 25, 2018.
Fuck that! I want Jar Jar Binks' background story, and how he came to have the death sentence placed on him by Boss Rugor Nas.
Can you imagine a movie populated completely by Gungans! Meesah think it vewry vewry good!
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
So you're thinking this would be a thinly-veiled allegorical retelling of Ron Paul's life? Maybe it can include a "staffer" writing anti-Wookie rants in Han's newsletter.
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
As long as the have the Kessel Run, we'll all be satisfied.
[knock, knock, knock on bathroom door]
Young Han: Mom! I'm busy! Go away!
I have a bad feeling about this...
(sorry...)
> When they made Star Wars Episodes 1-3 they sucked, because we had to try to implement a modern style to an old film.
Hm. And why did we have to do that?
They sucked for a variety of reasons -- casting, plot, dialog, but they also sucked because there seemed to be a rule that every square inch of screen needed to be squirming with cutesy protoplasm or cutesy robotics. Agreed, the original Star Wars was a 1970's take on 1930's SF serials, but the prequels were... I dunno what. Really expensive self parody, I guess. And not the good kind.
Ignoring all the other things for a minute, a "style" like the original film -- sparse, concise, with callbacks to older serials but without overdoing it, might have been less unpleasant to watch.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Put in more little robots! And I want cutesy creatures here, and here, and here and here and here and here and here. The main character has to grab a fruit with his tongue! Kids love that!
The main character is human, George.
Well, make him something else then. With a funny accent. Kids love that.
Shut up, George.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
> When they made Star Wars Episodes 1-3 they sucked, because we had to try to implement a modern style to an old film.
... you were able to narrow it down to one reason?
Wait
Bark less. Wag more.
If they were smart, they'd have the character just blowing ten or fifteen creatures away before they had a chance to draw.
"Han. You're still alive!"
"I shot first."
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Make more theme worlds, because apparently the universe is populated by jungle worlds, metal worlds, forest worlds, magma worlds, ice worlds and desert worlds.
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
Point. If Lucas properly understood scale, the entire series could have taken place on one planet.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Every time I watch them, I come up with another reason to loathe them. Mind you, it's been about five years since the last viewing of any Star Wars film, so I'll probably have forgotten half the reasons the prequels stunk so very very badly.
I remember clearly watching The Phantom Menace and realizing the extent of the suckage when C3PO turns out to be Darth Vader's droid. I was still reeling from the midichlorians nonsense, and then that. Of course, by the time pod-racer video game advertisement had taken up most of the second act, I realized that George Lucas wasn't just a greedy bastard, but well and truly had no fucking idea how to make an at least enjoyable film anymore. Two more prequels and the last Indiana Jones movie convinced me that Lucas was done even as an action-adventure director (the latter demonstrated that he had lost even the basic concept of pacing).
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
I sympathise with most Lucas complaints, but this is a pretty weird one. Are you suggesting that, because our particular planet has a lot of diversity (and do I need to point out that pretty much all of the other planets we've discovered are NOT diverse at all?) that all space operas should take place on a single planet? You don't think that might diminish the epicness a tad? You don't think that changing a planet-destroying weapon to, I don't know, a continent-destroying weapon would have been a tad lame?
The SW universe being too big is not a problem. In fact, its sense of size is one of the biggest things it had going for it, and it is precisely Lucas's unhealthy devotion to self-referential character-recycling smallness that drags things down--the main characters are all laboriously and ridiculously connected/related/cloned so that they are present or connected to all critical characters and all critical plot points. Boba Fett was a neat little background character that developed a strong cult following, so Lucas... decides to make him *the* clone of the mysterious 'clone wars', which is ridiculous from pretty much every single angle except the angle that he gets to prominently include a fan favorite in the prequels.
I'm sorry but the talent that came up with 4-6? Just wasn't there anymore.
The talent that made 4-6 was Kasdan, even though he wasn't there for 4. What was the best Indy film? The only one Kasdan was involved in. Kasdan is back, and that might just save the franchise.
Lucas's defence for Crystal Skull was that viewers didn't understand his source material, and that's true, but in a way irrelevant. Lucas grew up reading adventure comics that mixed magic and aliens and mysticism and everything else on a whim -- the legacy of that lives on in Marvel's current cinematic line-up where the god of thunder works alongside a man in a homemade robotic exoskeleton, a WWII hero on steroids and a bloody archer to fight off a menace from another world who have interbred with humans to create an ancient bloodlne of superpowered beings. Head to the comic world and you could even add in a sorcerer and a genetic mutant, then send them all through time to face off against the grandfather of the devil. I like to think of Crystal Skull as the sequel to Temple of Doom. You remember Temple of Doom, right? Using a life-raft as a parachute/sledge combo, a ridiculously twisty mine shaft booby-trapped with an ugly great boulder etc. That wasn't Kasdan -- that was Lucas. What we all rmmber as Indy is Raiders of the lost Ark, where Kasdan really paid homage to the source material while constructing a genuinely good film. Over-the-top Nazis, wisecracks and character interplay, even the scene with the creepy gestapo guy reaching towards the camera after burning his hand -- all pulled straight from pulp comics, and deftly done. Crucially, it kept all the magic and mysticism to the very end, and Jones cynical to the last, so there was some kind of reveal and change. The Last Crusade was a sequel to Raiders, but somewhat formulaic and slightly overplayed. But again, Nazis, and no magic until the end, after facing all sorts of mechanical pseudo-magic.
So I have some hope for the Star Wars sequels. However, I'm not sure about a Han origin story. Han shot first. Han was rehabilitated by Luke and Leia. So Han should be a bastard, but current Hollywood narratives don't work that way. Now there are goodies and baddies.
Got them moderator blues I blieve I walk out the do', With these mod-points I been gettin', I 'most never post no mo'
Lucas was trying to analyse his own writing in a technical way. A New Hope was Hidden Fortress + WWII dogfighting. He tried to make... I don't know, something + Ben Hur chariot racing for EpI. But then he made it very unlike the Ben Hur chariot race. Why was the scene in Ben Hur so powerful? Because it was realistic -- in order to get the riders to take more risks, the stunt director turned it into a real race by offering prize money to the first finisher. Several horses were killed because of that. Yet Lucas went out of his wy to make the pod race entirely unrealistic. All that remained of the chariot theme was the stupid little pods that were tethered in a way vaguely reminiscent of horses. He also managed to tell us that the rebels and the Empire were complete morons for manning their fighter fleets with the species with the worst reactions in the galaxy, a species who can't even win a bloody car race if they're not blessed with a demi-god level of Jedi powers.
Got them moderator blues I blieve I walk out the do', With these mod-points I been gettin', I 'most never post no mo'