Slashdot Mirror
How Social Isolation Is Killing Us (nymag.com)
schwit1 quotes a report from The New York Times: Social isolation is a growing epidemic (Warning: may be paywalled; alternate source) -- one that's increasingly recognized as having dire physical, mental and emotional consequences. Since the 1980s, the percentage of American adults who say they're lonely has
doubled from 20 percent to 40 percent. About one-third of Americans older than 65 now
live alone, and half of those over 85 do. People in
poorer health -- especially those with mood disorders like anxiety and
depression -- are more likely to feel lonely. Those
without a college education are the least likely to have someone they can talk to about important personal matters. A wave of new research suggests social separation is bad for us. Individuals with less social connection have disrupted
sleep patterns, altered
immune systems, more inflammation and higher levels of
stress hormones. One recent study found that isolation increases the risk of heart disease by 29 percent and stroke by 32 percent. Another analysis that pooled data from 70 studies and 3.4 million people found that socially isolated individuals had a 30 percent higher risk of dying in the next seven years, and that this effect was largest in middle age. Loneliness can
accelerate cognitive decline in older adults, and isolated individuals are twice as likely to die prematurely as those with more robust social interactions. These effects start early:
Socially isolated children have significantly poorer health 20 years later, even after controlling for other factors. All told, loneliness is as important a risk factor for early death as
obesity and smoking.
There are actually some people who are either happy or at least nonplussed to be alone. Not everyone feels a deep seated need to talk about the weather or hear about trivial personal problems. Not everyone who lives alone degenerates into a curled up ball and mentally wastes away. But the day health risks are determined on an individual basis from a large pool of facts is far, far away. People like the security blanket statements that sum up a complicated condition into one handy catch phrase or statistic. Much like stereotypes, while statistically this study may be correct in general it certainly does not apply to everyone equally.
(Warning: may be paywalled; alternate source)
If there is an "alternate source", why use the pay-walled sources?
If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
what's isolating me is money. Every year my income is more or less static but my bills go up. I've had promotions, a few projects that brought in some extra cash; but they've mostly served to keep my head above water and clean up the mess from the 2008 economy crash.
Plus it's hard to stay in one place for any length of time. You gotta move to where the work is. And to be blunt, I live in the cheap tech worker apartments, and that means lots and lots of folks here on work visas. They're nice people, but they're not my people.
I'd be a hell of a lot less isolated if the economy would stabilize, but I don't see a snowball's chance in hell of that...
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Pretty much to be sociable you need a large group of people.
In the past this was based either around your extended family, region, race, religion, or national heritage. This was not always a good thing either at the micro or macro level, but it did represent a support network for some (but not all) members of a societal group.
Nowadays much of this has been lost, due to globalization, electronics, hetereogenized neighborhoods (especially new builds as evidenced in the US.) Neighborhoods for better or worse are often no longer established families and friends. As people have spread out, that previous sense of community has slowly dissolved. While there just as many people available today, fewer of them are willing to interact with people outside of their social norms, and since those social norms are spread more thinly across the local region, it becomes less likely that a particular person has an immediate support network to overcome that isolation.
As a personal example: When I was a kid, there were a half dozen kids around my age all living with a block or so of me. While there was a concern of child predators and abductions, by and large people still let their kids go outside, and kids by and large still snuck off to go have fun with friends (my parents were however one of the 'shut in' types, up until I was around 10 or so, at which point I was allowed to bike to school (mostly because my mom had better things to do than actually bother to take me to school or pick me up on time.) In addition to this there was at least one empty field per block (1/4 to 1/2 mile square) which usually lead to a congregation point for the kids. Fast forward 10-20 years and all those fields have been fenced in or built over. Most parents are more concerned about the appearance of their children's safety in regards to allowing them out in the neighborhood, and kids by and large would rather play videogames/watch tv/on a computer than go outside and do stuff, whether hanging out with friends, terrorizing neighbors, or finding field replacements to hang out in.
I'm sure you're going for the funny mod, and I hope you get it, but you're on the edge of insight, too. Superficial network-mediated social relationships are no substitute for the real thing, and human beings are extremely social animals. My joke on the topic (from many years ago) is that too much computer usage is not good for your mental health.
Slashdot is quite bad, but Facebook is vastly worse.
Could technology help solve these problems rather than make them worse? I think so, but it would require different economic models than are currently being used. In the worst-case example of Facebook, the primary metric driving their "success" has nothing to do with improving your social life or helping you find real friends (not to be confused with whatever Facebook means by their increasingly bizarre use of that word). Facebook just wants you to waste as much time as possible on their website.
Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
What about if you find being around other people stressful? I know plenty of people - myself included - who need to get away from others from time to time because being around other people just drains my batteries big time. It isn't shyness, I'm completely socialized, and not remotely awkward. But I find being around others stressful at times. I guess that you might describe it as how some people are afraid of public speaking. I can stand and deliver all day without a hitch, without a bit of nervousness - but after the evening's socialization, I need a day or two to recharge.
The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
I'm trying to figure out what bullshit rip-off "service" sponsored this article.
pr0n - keeping monitor glass spotless since 1981.
text my 62 year old mother, it might be 30 seconds to 2 days to get a response, people older than that are terrified to use email or other modern communication methods. My wife grandmother 10 years ago would spend HOURS on end on the phone, talking to the same 2 people about absolutely nothing, every single day ... but wouldn't go out to any events or gatherings, course now she cant remember her ass from her foot...
Its not because you are doing something wrong, its because THEY absolutely refuse to get off their asses and do something. For contrast my grandmother (who died about 10 years ago) Made it a point to take classes, including computer classes to keep up with the grand kids, went to local ball games, went to places with her friends, and after 2 strokes could still give you unholy shit for something you did last week as a tough love joke.
The interesting part is... my wife's grandmother is a college educated brillant woman, but went lazy, and now if you return from the bathroom its a surprise! My grandmother was a alcoholic chain smoking cub's fan factory worker that didnt make it like 8th grade, but got off her ass and DID things (died at 90 btw)
I can see where this is coming from. The lack of interaction has a strange thickness to it. An empty house can feel like you're stranded on a deserted island. For those still of working age it's avoidable, though (without getting hitched):
1. Live in an apartment building. Not a complex where everyone has their own door to the outside, but a huge, elevator building with dozens of apartments per floor. As these tend to be cheaper (or luxury buildings) it is a bit of a win-win. Having an interior space shared with neighbors helps a lot psychologically.
2. Don't telecommute. Unless you (a) work with assholes or (b) are an asshole yourself it's hard to avoid making good friends in person at work.
3. Get a roommate, or a pet if you hate compromising.
4. Don't retire early. My dad made this mistake and has regretted it ever since. I suspect this article is about people like him.
It's an effect. People are poor now. They don't have the money to go out and do things.
to make my debt affordable then something is very, very wrong with the economy.
You're right about the monetary system being used to balance things, but it's just a temporary patch on a broken system. People have come to expect (reasonable I'd say) improved quality of life. This generation is on track to the be first one American history to be worse off overall.
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I can certainly see how feeling lonely can lead to ill health effects. However feeling lonely and being alone are two different animals. One is a state of mind while the other is just a state of proximity.
Increased stress hormone levels help to improve memory.
Any guest worker system is indistinguishable from indentured servitude.
I am pretty lonely, but don't suffer from obesity or poor health. Yeah, I'd like it if I had somebody, but I do need financial stability before I can get there. After I got dumped by my wife after losing my job 8 years ago and unable to find another for a while, I don't have any illusions that if I marry, I'll be supported for better or worse, in sickness or in health, until death do us part. I made the mistake of assuming that once. Not again.
We should have a way to see each other, regardless of where we are, and comment. Maybe that will bring us more life }:-)
Articles like this have already made me kill myself.
Who ya gonna call?
Ghost Poster!
You have the right to remain sentient. If you give up the right to remain sentient, you will be elected to public office
Hell is other people.
One reason that country folk attend church so regularly is that they are too isolated when they own larger plots of land than people do in the cities. Their instincts tell them the importance of associating with others. Can you imagine a dolphin or a chimp that did not socialize with others of its species?
That is denial.
Denial that social isolation is harming. Look, even in this thread there are so many people who are saying that they are happy alone.
More importantly, many magazines for women are pushing never ending message (never supported scientifically), that older women, after divorce are just better off.
Increase in mortality by an average of 30% would normally be declared an epidemic health hazard, on par with smoking and obesity.
Another fascinating fact is that probably a fifth of adults in USA are (or were) on antidepressants. Other studies have shown that having a partner, or a friend, to whom you can talk to, drastically reduces depression risk.
Finally, the ultimate statistical fact. In USA average life expectancy is 79.3 years (source: wiki). Costa Rica has life expectancy of 79.6 yrs, and Albania has 77.8, while Costa Rica spends one tenth of US healthcare spendings and Albania spends one thirtieth of US healthcare spendings?
Perhaps there is something wrong with US? Also, it is so difficult not to be suspicious that many purely american phenomena are known to the number crunchers, yet are allowed to stay the way the are intentionally.
A BMW is not enough, you also need to be charming, muscular and have a huge penis. But more money can always make up for your lacking qualities.
Pensioners have a very good income these days. Regardless of how they may complain sometimes.
The have a go ordinary elderly person: As hobbies adopts an elderly dog or cat from a rescue centre who tries to re-home dogs whose owners have died.
If they have not got a garden they grow plants on the window ledge. They buy decent clothing and look smart. They learn to use the Internet and use it for shopping. Many elderly people by the time they get elderly do not actually like other human beings and do not get lonely and they love those quiet days with their animals and "no bloody people."
Nasty young people turn into nasty old people. Just because somebody as an old face and body does not make them nice.
The world owes me a living type: fat and suffer from diabetes, they have blood flow problems their legs of turn black they have gaping ulcers on the legs.Their home smells. They buy junk from television shopping channel's. So much junk that they cannot move around their home. They create a little path so they can get to the kitchen for food. They complain that nobody is looking after them. They complain that the people looking after them are not looking after them. They do not want to be bothered by the people looking after them. They get so fat and gross and surrounded by TV shopping channel junk that they can no longer move. They then get scared because they are dying. They telephone the emergency services for an ambulance,
they have a high blood pressure and an enlarged heart. And they are miserable bastards who are going to die probably from the enlarged heart.
They have incontinence pads stuck to them that need peeling away.
I much prefer the have a go once.
Ladies and gentlemen always try to be a have a go elderly person. Quality of life is better than quantity of life there are worse things than dying.
And remember people live happier and longer life's when they have something to look after and that is why women live longer. Get a dog or some kind of animal feed the wildlife make the birds around you depend on you. Caring for others makes you live a healthier longer life. Carers keep their faculties longer a absolute fact.
Merry Christmas Mr Scrooge.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
http://www.britmovie.co.uk/act...
The slashdot crowd should be rejoicing. "It's for health."
If you are alone and old, you keel over and die. If you are with someone and old, they can call 911.
Liberty - Security - Laziness - Pick any two.
If one person around me is a dick, I think they are a dick. If everyone around me are dicks, I think that maybe it's me who is a dick.
that keep screwing my bro over. He's worked for multiple companies with stable customer bases. Big ones. They keep getting bought out or buying out somebody and merging and then it's layoff city.
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then it's probably not a slashvertisement. Social Isolationism is a problem nerds face most or all of their lives. In this case this really is News for Nerds, Stuff that Matters.
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There are many aspects we can look at that created this mess, but one that seems to be overlooked here is the concept that people don't want to grow old anymore. Sadly, many find they can't afford to. Think the average Millennial is looking forward to retirement when they can barely afford to make ends meet? What's the point of growing old when you're going to be forced to blow your entire retirement nest egg on some major health issue that will inevitably crop up?
The constant threat of liability leading to lawsuits forces most of us to waste our incomes on countless forms of insurance. The social media lifestyles of the narcissistic elite are held high on an entertainment pedestal, and I wonder how watching that shit doesn't ultimately feed depression. Life is hard these days because it isn't getting any cheaper, and that chasm between the 99% and the 1% sure as hell isn't getting smaller, so don't assume Greed who helped create this mess is going to suddenly find compassion.
As if all that wasn't bad enough, here comes automation and AI to help shrink the human worth down to nothing.
It's sickening. Literally.
If you see the Kardashians, that is the problem, right there. No wonder you are deranged if you watch that stuff.
Sent from my ASR33 using ASCII
All right, someone mod this up, please! Just right. Although, most people do suck... lol.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. ~~ Hunter S. Thompson
Yep, ya know why? Because no one gives a shit.
The day when you start caring, is the day when it actually matters. I did - but no one else did.
What this world is coming to - is for you and me to decide.
You mean bepis
Support your local school shooter, give them your firearms.
"Your FICO score shows how you succeed and fail in life, pure and simple."
Obligatory Black Mirrror: "Nosedive"
Refusal and/or inability to trust will ensure you remain lonely even when you're in a relationship. It's also somewhat of a fallacy to assume every woman, or even the majority of women, are like your ex-wife. This assumes your description of why she left you is accurate. If the truth is closer to "I lost my job then sat on my ass for six months and played video games" then it may be entirely reasonable to suspect most women are like your ex-wife.
... you can see the irony in that, right?
"Consensus" in science is _always_ a political construct.
"One recent study found that isolation increases the risk of heart disease by 29 percent and stroke by 32 percent...."
If all this is true, we Slashdotters are an endangered species. And I'd have to say the proportion who stroke is a lot closer to 100% than 32%.
And if that seven year mortality stat is right, it might be wise to dump any shares you have in Kleenex and Vaseline before the inevitable crash.
I've calculated my velocity with such exquisite precision that I have no idea where I am.
From what you mentioned, it can be argued that financial stability is the most important of all. Your FICO score shows how you succeed and fail in life, pure and simple. Same with the car you drive. Not a BMW or Lexus? There will be tons of excuses but no real actual reason.
Focus on finances, everything else follows. Flash a BMW keyfob, there is your next wife is right there. Want a stable relationship, keep your finances good, because most breakups are over money.
Thanks for that advice. I was unaware that money is the reason for most breakups: thought that it was only my ex who was a cunt. My finances were fine until the meltdown of 2008.
However, I don't splurge on status symbols, nor on pricey vacations. Even if I had a 7 figure income, I wouldn't touch a BMW or Lexus. Previously, I had a Sebring, then 2 Saturns - a coup followed by a stationwagon after we had our kid, and now, I have a Subaru Crosstrek. While the other cars had a high maintenance, this one has been very good to me. Only complaint about it is its being underpowered
But yeah, looks like I should avoid wife-shopping until I wipe out my debt and get my finances in order
Penis is not the plural of penny
Let's forget about individuals who are too physically or mentally ill to socialize for a moment. These elderly single have been married for many decades and know their years are numbered in any case. Would all of them be THAT eager to give up independence and restrict their habits to accommodate a new person they just met? Even if it means sticking around for a few years longer?
Let's not glamorize traditional hypersocial society either. It's not fun having people ring your doorbell without warning or never ending stream of social commitment that leaves little time for personal interests. Failure to adequately separate self from family and neighbors makes it difficult to succeed in ways not traditional for these groups or resist bad influences. How many join gangs because all cousins are in gangs?
We mostly live the way we do by choice. A lot will feel lonely on holidays, but would be miserable if made to experience all consequences of lifestyle of their coworkers who are having a big home gathering.
I gave my wife full leeway on what she wanted to do. She wanted to work, and even after we had our kid, she started looking for jobs. My parents in law came to help w/ taking care of the kid while we were at work. That part was not an issue.
Also, what you say about homes is not applicable in the Bay Area, which is where I lived. We did buy a home in 2007 for $750k in the Cupertino school district (school district being the criteria), and had to sell months later after I lost my job. I absolutely had to rent, and the only reason I bought was the Mrs insisting, even though I suspected that the market would crash sooner or later. We were lucky to sell it marginally higher.
I married when I was 29, my wife was 28, I had my kid 2 years later and got divorced 3 years ago. Now I'm in my late 40s. I just don't feel right about going for anyone b/w 21 and 26. So I guess I should pretty much drop the idea of any more kids, and only marry someone who doesn't want them either
It's more like "I lost my job and kept looking for months but couldn't find another that would pay anywhere remotely close to what I used to make". I'm assuming most women would be like her even in that situation. It's not like I wanted to become a homemaker: just that the industry tanked. Looking at the LinkedIn of some colleagues months later, most had left for completely different walks of life.
we're talking about the economy as a whole, and the entire point of the GP's post was that inflation is good because the bulk of people are in debt up to their ears and it helps them get out of debt.
I don't know a nice way to say this: You're just spouting more bootstrappy nonsense to evade the argument. You're building the classic right wing straw man of personal responsibility that ignores market realities. Everything is always the individuals fault. Eventually it boils down to what I like to call Crowley Conservationism: Do what though wilt Shall be the Whole of the Law. Basically the worst elements of Satanism. All the lack of morality and none of the freedom. This isn't hyperbole. What else would you call the massive, systemic abuse of fellow humans that results the from this political ideology?
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Half the problem is that many, many American/Western women make terrible partners. They're self-centered, self-absorbed perpetually unhappy, and will dump you in a heartbeat for something "better". They're not your partner, they're your competitor. It's very very hard to have a real relationship with most American/Western women. And I speak from 50+ years of combined dating and marriage experience.
If anything and I mean anything goes wrong, it's going to be your fault because your job sole job in life (in her mind) is to make her "happy" and "satisfied", whatever that means. If you don't make her happy all the time, that's gonna be a problem- your problem, not hers.
If you can't read her mind and know/predict exactly what she wants, you're screwed. ("You don't understand me!")
If you can't fulfill her every whim, you're screwed.
If one day she wakes up and decides you're not her "soulmate" anymore, you're screwed.
If you suggest to her what to do, you're domineering and controlling, but if you let her do whatever she wants, you're a wimp.
No matter how well off you are, remember that that will be her baseline in terms of expectations during your marriage. Drop below that for any reason and you're in trouble. Not her, YOU.
You don't like her friends? Tough shit, deal with it. She doesn't like your friends? Get rid of them.
From my experience you're far better off looking abroad for a wife and partner. Ask me how I know. :)
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...
Did you consider (and/or did she suggest) taking one that paid (potentially significantly) less than your previous one? Or relocating to a more amenable labor market? May not have made a difference; but, then again, it might have.
Maybe a non-insignificant portion of women are that shallow, but I wouldn't view it as the norm.
Yeah, what did it was me moving to another market and finding a job, but not one that paid anything like before. She did suggest that I move, and ended the marriage when I couldn't find anything that would help me move back. Anyway, I'm done trusting women on this, and as it is, the best part of my life is behind me, so I have nothing to gain (or give) by remarrying
My wife wasn't American/Western. What you describe goes well beyond them. Other than that, you're pretty much accurate in your description above.
From the news, looks like she won't be there any sooner than you will
The cost of food, rent, health care and education are going up at a much higher rate (I'm seeing about 5% in my neck of the woods, down from around 7% because food is gone down).
Now, if you mix electronics and light consumer goods into that it drops. Even more if you include luxury & higher end goods into that the picture gets much rosier. But I don't buy a lot of that stuff.
And that's the trouble. Inflation impacts the lower class much more, but we lump it all into one big number.
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Proverbs 21:19
Have gnu, will travel.
But the law won't let me rent it by the hour.
Have gnu, will travel.
So, how is life on the other side? Tell us! Is Elvis there? Was there a light when you crossed?? We want to know!
The dangers of excessive individualism are nothing compared to the oppressiveness of excessive collectivism
God where do you get your women from?? I have been together with mine for 20 years, she has a (very) good job, both of us take care of the kids and all is happy and well. They are not all like that
The dangers of excessive individualism are nothing compared to the oppressiveness of excessive collectivism
You think life stinks. Its ok, get up and get out of the room and it will be better again
The dangers of excessive individualism are nothing compared to the oppressiveness of excessive collectivism
Slashdot is quite bad, but Facebook is vastly worse.
Amen, brother, amen.
Facebook is not a social network. Facebook is a global mental illness.
We suffer more in our imagination than in reality. - Seneca
ZZ
Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
Although I like the old joke "there is no single report in human history of a woman falling in love of a handsome and sensible men reading poetry in the unemployment line", the truth is that woman (and men) vary a lot.
From my own experience afet a several years long lousy relationship, I met another women that is lovely and kind and we've been together since 2001. And that was before Tinder time....
The point here is that you really need to keep trying. It does get better.
> But that was before Tinder time...and I won a sequence of lotteries, so ignore my outlier. Fixed.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head."
God where do you get your women from?? I have been together with mine for 20 years, she has a (very) good job, both of us take care of the kids and all is happy and well. They are not all like that
I said they're not all like that, or do my statements "many, many American/Western women" and "most American/Western women" sound like "all American/Western women" to you?
Yours is the exception that proves the rule. Look at the divorce rate and tell me I'm wrong.
In any case, I'm glad you found someone good and I hope you have another 20 years of happiness.
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...
Maybe that's why I find you so attractive :-)
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
".... thought that it was only my ex who was a cunt." Well, brother, you were OBVIOUSLY blameless in that relationship.
Search youtube, "Three Stooges, women haters anonymous".
G maybe your wife needs more penises.
You need to look the other way. Or find a new wife.
deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
Good point, but I didn't think of her that way when we were married: only after she dumped me.
Z^3
Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
You like to talk about it on Slashdot, but this isn't the place. So perverted you are
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
Most of the people posting here seem to be on the West or East Coasts.
In the upper Midwest, and rural Texas (areas where I spend most of my time) you'd be hard pressed to find anybody wringing their hands over the issues being discussed here. Perhaps the whole mindset where society is flawed and must be transformed, the endless indignation fanned by the over the top political rhetoric, and the "America Sucks" environment is to blame? Or the "Your worth is measured by the car you drive, the house you live in, and how how the wifey is" mindset? This shallow god less existence is why I left California so many years ago.
Most folks around these parts don't believe we're all doomed, that you don't have to be a millionaire to be happy, and that anyone can be successful with the proper attitude and hard work. The only folks truly unhappy around here are the drug addicts and the drunks.
Murphy was an optimist
Z^4
Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
:-)
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
Z^5
Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
Why do you hate your mother?
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
Divorce rates are falling, actually, so it would seem that more people are happy in their marriages.
I don't personally know any woman like the ones you describe. I don't know where you meet women, but you really really need to look elsewhere.
"When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
Z^6
Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
Divorce rates are falling, actually, so it would seem that more people are happy in their marriages.
There could be quite a few reasons for this besides the notion that "more people are happy in their marriages".
-
I don't personally know any woman like the ones you describe.
Then you must not know any women. Seriously, you must not know a single one.
-
I don't know where you meet women, but you really really need to look elsewhere.
Thanks for the advice but I already found mine. We're going on 10 years together and 8+ years happily married. :)
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...
Hi. Sorry. English is not my primary language. Can you please explain ?
You're the one who brought up divorce rates, which are falling. I'm not sure what you meant.
I know a reasonable number of women well, and have been married to two. The first was the biggest mistake of my life, and didn't conform to your description. The second I've been married to for 35 years now, and really doesn't.
However, congratulations on your successful marriage.
"When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
I know a reasonable number of women well, and have been married to two. The first was the biggest mistake of my life, and didn't conform to your description.
Same here. The unfortunate reality is that there are many ways for a marriage to fail.
Regardless, I believe that what I said initially is accurate, and judging by the moderation (4, Insightful) apparently many men here feel the same way.
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...
Tinder's counterproductive to intimate relationships since it exists specifically for hookup culture. Most males are regarded as less than average attractiveness relative to pretty boys that actually stick out in the minds of most women (ignoring a male's resources or social statuses), so the entire swiping-faces format's worthless for your average guy looking for a serious relationship. Mutual attraction's unlikely. Considering the vastly different values and preferences of most women, actual compatibility's practically impossible for most tech-geeks (as opposed to fake geek chic hipsters, not that they're all pretty either or capable of sufficient substance for serious intimacy).
The "Fixed." in my last post was supposed to be on its own line since the rest of my post was supposed to be a rewrite of part of your post, but I forgot I had to insert manual line brakes...
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head."