Slashdot Mirror
Medium Rare Quickies
Let's start this off with some Microsoft parodies:
Polo pointed us to a version of office2000 that many Slashdotters might prefer to the Microsoft version.
Lexie (ask out CowboyNeal!) sent us a Microsoft Monopoly
that you probably won't see in stores.
G. Crisp sent us a Lego Penguin: proof that someone has both too much spare time, and too many legos.
An anonymous reader noted that you can get
AccuWeather®5-Day
Forecast for AREA 51. Forecast calls for black helecopters and Gillian Anderson.
witten sent us a random Jon Katz story generator called (not surprisingly)
Katzdot.
While we're on the subject of Slashdot, it's worth nothing that
ThinkGeek is now carrying new Slashdot T-Shirts. Of course personally I'd prefer the 'Kernel Panic' shot glasses, but then again, I've had a pretty long week.
dayeight sent us something that is pretty indescribible. It involves video games, but presumably it also involved some sort of illegal substances too. I think its a metaphor for something.
How about a few 'True Stories' to brighten up your day (no I'm not talking about zany Talking Heads movies). First
zentropy sent us what seems to be a true story about why sports and Taco Bell just don't mix.
An anonymous reader showed us a woman who is trying to get workers comp from her employer since she got
carpal tunnel... her job involves phones, but it wasn't dialing them that caused the *ahem* injury.
Actually, the T-Shirts are pretty nice. I was going to pick up one of the fleeces, but according to ThinkGeek, there is No back on this one".
Now, maybe it's just me, but if it doesn't COME with a back, then I'd like the option to be able to purchase one seperately, or at least bundled.
Sheesh, as bad as I felt when I bought my HP DeskJet and it didn't come with a printer cable, I'm glad I saw this one early. Or I'd be REALLY pissed.
The Techno-Hellmouth Effect: First Blood
I made my whole office look at me when I laughed...
May contain traces of nut.
I'm afraid that 'Legos' is the common usage in the US, and so universal that I see no chance of it changing.
Strangely, this was the linguistic difference that I found most disturbing whilest living in America, although the crisps/chips/fries and tram/trolley/shopping-cart contortions were more confusing.
That Katzdot headline generator is good for a laugh, but I was hoping it would actually write an article. You know, like Pakin's automatic complaint letter generator. Oh well.
--
grappler
Vidi, Vici, Veni
Once you hit the power button, you just can't stop hitting it... :)
You may think that it is much to early to think about it. It is impossible that 20th century programs would be used in the year 10000, right? Just like programs from the 70's would not be used in the year 2000...
Now do you see what I mean? We have to learn from our bidigit mistakes and make sure that 8000 years from now it will not happen again.
-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- Version: 3.1 GCS/M/Sd?s-:a---->?c++UL+++P++++L++++ E+++W+++N+K-w---M-PSY+t+5?XtvbDI++
Wow, I'm amazed to hear about that carpal tunnel case. I'm happy to hear there's at least one paid phone sex operator that (apparently) gets off for real!
Thanks CmdrTaco, this is the perfect place for me to put this.
The Black, X-Large, high quality T-shirts with 'Potentially Dangerous' on the front and 'Mostly Harmless' on the back in white letters are now available. E-mail sleffer@home.com to order one, they will cost 15$ and they won't be ordered until I have either 50 orders or it is dec 20th, so the more people want one the faster we'll all get them. It should take about 4 weeks after the orders come in for everyone to get their shirt. Make sure you include mailing information with your order, all shirts will be shipped COD.
Kintanon
Check out JoshJitsu.info for Brazilian Ji
Having never even been on the same side of the Mississippi as Rob and Jeff, I'd pay for it... :)
Hah! I mock you! I live about an hour away from them, I could visit the compound any time, if I could only FIND it....
Kintanon
(That is assuming the live where I think they do, ie the Baltimore-Washington area)
Check out JoshJitsu.info for Brazilian Ji
My personal favorite Katzism:
Hackers - Experience It!
Kintanon
Check out JoshJitsu.info for Brazilian Ji
I'm sure we all pull out the defibrilators when our TV "dies".
Pablo Nevares, "the freshmaker".
Pablo Nevares, "the freshmaker".
What??? You're talking about a phone sex worker. You know, the ones that Oral Roberts and others claim are "Satans mistresses."
You're just facilitating the return of the anti-christ when you suggest that we actually give those in cahoots with the devil a chance to make the Y2K problem worse.
Sheesh! It's rough defending our nation's borders against the spawn of hell with just a shotgun and a chainsaw.
If tits were wings it'd be flying around.
Heh, silly me then, I something to do with them is in the Baltimore-Washington area... Just can't remember what it is.>:)
Check out JoshJitsu.info for Brazilian Ji
It has to be a publicity stunt.
Phone sex operators don't really get naked
and masturbate on the phone. And they're not
cute chicks either.
-fb Everything not expressly forbidden is now mandatory.
I've posted 5 of the pics at http://www.geocities.com/iguana2000/ Enjoy.
The Year Five Billion problem. By then, our sun should have gone nova and incinerated the planet. I don't care what kind of computer you have -- that is going to cause a malfunction.
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
"The Bill of Rights: A Whole New Chapter In The Stock Market"
That just made me laugh out loud.
I still don't know why...
Prostitutes and their dextrous abilities come to mind, especially where it's legal like in Nevada. One of the biggest arguments is in favor of the legalization of prostitution is so that prostitutes can receive health care -- I suppose rsi is one of those injuries most never planned to receive.
"If one is really a superior person, the fact is likely to leak out without too much assistance" -- John Andrew Holmes
Cinema: A Whole New Chapter In The Revolutionary World
Letters From Virtual Impeachment
The Web: A Whole New Chapter In Online Buffy
Giving Thanks For Virtual Cinema
The Power Of The Techno Stock Market And Interactive Dying Babies
Murder: A Whole New Chapter In Hidden Being Different
Is The Stock Market About To Transform Slashdot?
Can Hidden Anonymous Cowards Stop Post-Columbine Minimum Wage?
The scary part is, this _reeks_ of Markov Chaining. I suspect these are made up of actual genuine interactive dying baby Katz headlines, shredded and rearranged.
One envisions doing this to the whole Katz on Slashdot collection, thus getting not only terrific headlines, but entire articles. For anybody interested in doing this, Katz is a _very_ good subject for travesty as he is disjointed and covers the same subjects over and over. To markov chain this stuff it's best to work at the word level- pairs of words end up chaining very abstractedly, and word triples can sometimes spit out overlarge chunks of unaltered text (though I suspect with Katz the triples would work perfectly).
Here's a sample of this sort of travesty: Speak Roughly To Your Evidence, an edited Alice In Wonderland travesty.
Here is a link to the Lego Penguin images.
I've just grabbed the images, and not any of the text or anything, but have at it.
Wait. I have a question. This football player guy who got stuck in the Taco Bell window... He pleaded innocent, verdad?.
How the HELL can he have the cajones to plead innocent? HE WAS IN THE WINDOW! "It wuddint me! I sweah!" Oh man. I can just see some pencil-neck lawyer "well yer honor, my client was actually impersonated by a crazed fan who just happens to have the exact same proportions. Notice that my client passed the lie detector test, and DNA results were inconclusive. The employees were hiding in the back the entire time, and never got a clear view of him."
Someone with more dedication than me and less of a life please tell me this doesn't fly. Please. My faith in the system is rattled enough as it is.
Oy chalupa.
- Rev.Less structurally sound versions are those where the little feet on the underside of the seat (the ones that raise the seat 0.25" or so off the surface of the porcelain, useful for being able to easily raise the seat amongst other features) are replaced with much taller versions -- those with a knowledge of physics will recognize that this isn't nearly as structurally sound as the solid described above, and lateral force (such as leaning sideways searching for toilet paper) would have a much better chance of breaking the feet off, with the attendant potential for injury.
...unless, of course, you can find antique typewriter ribbons.
Vovida, OS VoIP
Beer recipe: free! #Source
Cold pints: $2 #Product
accuweather is a joke, my friends... the only thing that's ever been spotted in Galien are cows, farmers, and rednecks. There are probably more cows in Galien than there are people. christ... i went to school in the little town next to galien that looks like a thriving metropolis comparitivly, yet only has 3000 people. yipes. galien shouldn't even be on the map.
-
rant mode off.
--bc
-----------------------------------------
the amazing bc
latin/funk flugelhorn & trumpet
webnaut, music junkie, sysadmin from hell
the amazing bc
just another guy doing IT
webnaut, music junkie, holes-in-head
Vovida, OS VoIP
Beer recipe: free! #Source
Cold pints: $2 #Product
I saw a picture of the toilet that was at fault in this incident. I've never seen a toilet like this before. The seat is raised about 2 inches above the actual bowl. What happened was that there was no TP in the dispenser, so he turned on the seat, reaching for TP on the toilet. His jimmerjammer slid under the seat (quite possible) and due to the force caused by his butt cheeks sliding on the seat, the seat failed, thus crushing his willy. He was in the ER for 10 hours, apperently. His johnson is no longer functional, with no hope of regaining the functionality. He is sueing for 2.2 million (CDN), with his wife asking for $750,000CAD for the loss of his services.
Would you crush your tinky winky for 2.2 mill Canadian? I doubt it.
I see that the source is available. This is cool.
All it takes is changing some directory names in index.cgi and dada, and it works.
If you don't want the whole web page, but just want a random headline on stdout:
Edit katz.pb and replace the huge line beginning with decorated_headline: with
decorated_headline: headline;
Then run it with 'dada katz.pb' instead of 'index.cgi'.
Think of the possibilities! JonKatz in shell scripts! JonKatz instead of fortune! JonKatz in xscreensaver/hacks/noseguy!
Actually, now that I think about it, that's scary.
--
Win dain a lotica, en vai tu ri silota
I saw no mention of gender of the management or ownership of the phone sex company.
But whether she earned her $400 a week doing phone sex, data entry, as an entry level techie grunt, as a hair dresser or as a freakin' superhero, if she was sincerly injured on the job then the worker's comp insurance should cover her expenses. Or are only classy, intelectuals entitled to protection under the labor laws?
Note that I admit that I don't have any way of knowing whether her injuries are real, that's for the insurance company to debate. I still don't believe that they really mastrubate on the phone!
- bridgette
A thousand years ago, everybody was worried about all their abacuses crashing .. now this .. what's it? Y2K thing?! The sad thing is history *really* does repeat itself ;)
At 20.17 Eastern, at the Republican Debate, Forbes referred to Linux as 'Loonix' while answering a question about why Microsoft should or shouldn't be broken up.
:)
Leenix or Lihnux, sure. But Loonux?
Just wanted to say thank you to whatever moderator realized that this post was NOT meant as troll, and moderated it back up.
Maybe it's my dim-witted brain, but I freaked out hardcore to find that a tongue in cheek jest had been moderated down to troll.
Voices From The Online Internet War War
The World Demands Interactive Kids
The Movie Line Demands The Music Industry
Spiritual Sexbots, The Post-Columbine Website and Pain
and my favorite....
Can Interactive Dying Babies Stop The Spiritual Movie Line?
Open Source Crackers, The Hidden Stock Market and Impeachment
The Recording Industry: The Mvoie
The Post-Columbine Movie Line Syndrome: Time To Face The Music
The End Of Geek Students and Lo-Tech Cyber-Terrorism (good. I've been having problems cracking into computers using two sticks and a rock)
And of course...
Can Dying Babies Kill?
Yikes, the nurse at school said it wouldn't hurt me!
I'm surprised nobody submitted the one where a man is suing Starbucks because the toilet in their restroom crushed his penis.
Hey, that doesn't sound like such a bad deal to me. Get your 1.5 million bucks, then go on a vaction to Australia. While you're their, stop by the local cosmetic surgeon and pay a small fee to have your penis reconstructed. Afterwards, you're good as new, and you have an extra million bucks in the bank account.
--
Enough said.
my wrists are killing me...
"better ways of doing things eventually just replace the inferior things" - Linus Torvalds 09-08-07
My favourite Jon Katz story title from the generator:
Interactive Buffy and The Open Source WB: The Morning After
Jon - Please, please, please write this!
Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her dark eyes.
She's just dressing, goodbye windows, tired starlings.
Thats a guess, on the basis that the four-foot Alice in Wonderland by the same guy is quoted at $600-800.
:)
I'm wondering if I can figure out the design from the pics. My artistic talents don't run to doing it from scratch. I'm sure I can find some children who wouldn't mind an big box of red and blue bricks for Christmas. (Or can someone build a BSD deamon?)
Of course the true geek approach is to grab the 3-d model from Tux:AQFH and pixelise it.