Trolls, listen up. This forum allows you to post comments with images. I've started the trolling by posting the "Giver" and "Comp-u-geek" pics, but it's not enough. Get your asses over to rotten.com, download all those awful photos, and let's show those liberal nutballs something really offensive.
OpenBSD is slow as hell and limits you to one CPU.
Also, the politics really are an issue... OpenBSD is completely controlled a by one person, a person with a long-standing reputation as being immature and not very personable. OpenBSD is a great OS, but I honestly can't say that it has a future. After every new release, I'm always amazed that Theo hasn't gotten mad at someone, fired all of the core developers, and run off in a huff.
OTOH, FreeBSD is controlled by several core development teams and committees. One developer couldn't destroy the project on a whim. I have confidence in its future stability.
(Also, this is bordering on flamebait, but I guarantee that OpenBSD wouldn't have its reputation for security if it had more users. OpenBSD can afford to be smug, because no one runs the fucking thing! On the flip side, while Red Hat really is crap, it's also the most-run Linux distro in this country, especially if you count th Mandrake users. Therefore, there's a much greater chance of its security being tested.)
FreeBSD can be made almost as secure -- with the right admin.
OpenBSD does provide a much better environment for creating secure systems, but its lack of SMP support and truly sad performance are obvious deterrents.
You don't get the source code. You can buy it from them if you have enough dollars. But you can't redistribute it after you buy it.
Congratulations; you now understand how things work in the real world.
BSDI is almost as bad as Microsoft with its software license.
How is that "bad?" Closed-source is the rule in business, not the exception. And personally, I like it that way. (Gasps of shock from the audience!) Open-source has not yet proven itself to be a viable alternative for business. This the point where people always point to Red Hat... and I say, ha! CheapBytes has probably made more money than Red Hat has from their own software. Now the argument is, "well making money isn't everything!" Well, as the cat said to the kittens who complained of cold milk, tough titty. Making money is what business is all about. It's what fuels capitalism and makes the world go 'round. I'm not saying the Free Software is a bad thing, I'm just saying that it's silly to believe that it will ever become a common business practice.
IBM "supports" Linux, but you have to look deeper. They do release code, but since there's $0.00 ROI, it's just charity. The only place that Linux has in business is as a low-cost (ie free) system for running cheap IA hardware. Just look at Cobalt... they pay $0 for the software that runs their Qube, and since they're not a software company, they don't have to give anything back.
As a programmer and software developer, I have absolutely no problem with closed-source. I want to continue working making software (and making pretty good money), and Open Source has no place in that plan. Free Software will always remain free as in beer, because no businessman will pay for what he can get for free. (Or for less. Once again, CheapBytes profits more than anyone from OSS.) The GNU Manifesto gets really fuzzy in this area, alluding to the "programmer" occupation changing into a more janitorial role, making a living by installing and maintaining the software they write for free. Bullshit. I hope I never have to be a professional developer in that world.
And Raymond's propaganda is really, um, interesting. It would be a lot more effective if he weren't a rapid, flute-playing gun nut who lives on his VA and Red Hat stock options.
It's exactly Free Software/OSS zealot's aversion to making money from software that makes me suspicious of their socialist tendencies. UNIX would not exist without capitalism. Linux, the communist alternative which stole its entire arhcitecture from UNIX, hasn't yet proven itself to be any better.
My boss used to work in IT at several of Qwest's East Coast shops, and according to him the vast majority of Qwest's business backend runs the standard 'Solaris/Oracle on Sun' setup. Any BSD that Qwest uses is likely confined to the actual routers and switches,not only because BSD doesn't run on the type of hardware needed for their amount of traffic, but BSD doesn't even the right software.
Also, I used to be a BSD nut, so while I think it's cool to hear about its use at such large corporations, understand that 80% or more of it will be BSDi. In several areas FreeBSD technically out-performs BSDi's server products, but BSD has both a corporate reputation and a full-time, in-house support staff. Stories about BSD's success in the enterprise are not "news" and should not be considered good for Free Software.
Last year's BSDi/Walnut Creek merger affected FreeBSD immediately (as I'm sure other BSD users noticed between 4.1 and 4.2), but I'm not yet sure if BSDi's Internet Server OS has been affected.
One thing that many inexperienced Slashdotter's don't seem to know is that while BSD and GNU/Linux are great (even superior, in many cases) for small-medium Intel boxes, there is a point where you really do need the high-end hardware and industrial-strength UNIX that only IBM, Sun, HP, and others currently provide. And it's not just a matter of corporate bullshit... for instance, ask anyone who has ported "real" enterprise software from UNIX to GNU/Linux about the experience and I guarantee that the first they'll do is start bitching about GNU/Linux's lack of a real threading model and other deficiences.
I hope that IBM's support of Linux continues, because that is truly one company whose knowledge and experience can help Linux overcome these issues.
This is getting way offtopic, but I'm going to mention that I think a Linux kernel fork is inevitable within the next five years. One group, led by De Icazza and others, will concentrate on bringing Linux to the level of the Windows desktop. The other group, led by IBM, TurboLinux and other corporate interests will concentrate on bringing Linux to the level of UNIX as an enterprise OS running on non-trivial (ie non-IA) hardware.
And ten years from now, after the Linux communities have destroyed each other, BSD will still be running network hardware in machine rooms around the world.:-)
He means that it's still new enough so that it's a novelty to be running a 2.4 box. 2.4 will be the standard kernel by the end of this year, and then we'll be waiting for the cute 2.6.:-)
How Hemos Got His Groove Back,
A Short Story by The_Messenger
===///===
"Nik, I'm not comfortable with your hand being on my ass."
"But come on, baby, you know you want it," Nik insisted. How had I, Jeff "Hemos" Bates, gotten myself into such a predicament? Sure, I'd always thought
Nik was cute, and even though I never formally came out, Nik always seemed to know the wife was a front all along. And when "Gay" Nik, famous in the Open
Source Community for his insatiable desire for rough gay sex, invited me to help him set up his new FreeBSD box, I had an idea something was up. Little did I
know that "something" was Nik's ten inches of rock-hard manmeat, pulsing through his faded Levi's jeans like a wild jungle snake.
"Nik, you're hurting me!", I whelped.
"And that's just the way you like it, bitch," Nik snarled. "You know that famous cartoon of the daemon giving it to the penguin in the behind? Thats gonna
be you and me, mate," Nate said with a flick of his golden blond highlighted locks. His English accent was so charming... it almost made such awful things
sound nice. But no, I mustn't go down that road... "But first," Nik continued, "we must set up this FreeBSD box. FreeBSD is the only true homosexual
operating system, and so you will learn it, because I tell you to. I won't have any dirty Linux user sucking my balls."
"Oh, Nik," I whispered, batting my eyelashes, "must you always be so forceful?" Nik slapped my ass and laughed.
"Calm down, you pansy. You don't know the meaning of forceful yet. Now grab that 4.2 CD." I leaned over and grabbed the CD set for FreeBSD 4.2. Nik got
his media free from Walnut Creek, because the admins there were terrified of him. Rumour has it that one Walnut Creek operator who refused to send Nik the
latest FreeBSD CD kit for free was found in the machine room the next morning duct-taped to a chair with an RJ45 crimper jammed into his bloody asshole. Ever
since, Nik has been sent prerelease copies of every FreeBSD set.
All of my administration experience is with Red Hat, so I was a little scared to try a real operating system, but with Nik's expert guidance, I
was well on my way to learning this queer OS. Nik showed me how to use the curses-based installation tool to partition my disks, select an installation
profile, and set up XFree86. Within an hour, the system was installed, and rebooted back to a command prompt.
I was standing in front of the console when Nik came up behind me.
"How's it going, mate?" he asked.
"Oh, Nik," I said, startled, "you startled me. I'm just trying to mount this CD-ROM's filesystem. The commands are similar, but this Berkely csh takes a
little getting used to."
"Let me help, love," he murmured. He stepped closer behind me, and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I moved my hands away from the
keyboard to allow him access, and he mounted the drive with blinding speed. "There, all better. Anything else you need mounted, love?"
"Oh, Nik..." I said quietly, my breath rushing out. Nik stepped closer, and I could feel his hot tool pressing into the depression of my asscrack through
his jeans. "Oh, Nik, yes, there is something you could mount." I couldn't take it any longer. This strapping Englishman's dominant sexuality had
overcome my fears of public embarrassment, and there I vowed to myself that from that day forward I would be Nik's woman. I threw my arms behind me, grabbed
his ass, and pulled him closer. "Show me your hard drive, you naughty little daemon."
"Much obliged," Nik said with a wink. "But I'm anything but little." Nik slowly pulled off his tight jeans and out sprang the biggest, thickest cock I had
ever seen. Now I watch a lot of gay pornography, but never in the depths of my deepest homosexual desire had I craved a dick this magnificent. It was like a
juicy flank steak, dripping with juices. The aroma of ballcheese wafted up toward me as his mammoth testicles swung like pendulums of eroticism. I lost
control and feel to my knees instantly, slobbering greedily at the wonderous thing, struggling, in vain, to fit the monstrous cockhead into my mouth.
"Oh, Nik," I cried, "I want you, I need you, I must have you. Make me your woman."
"And so I will mate, but first I must prepare you. Take off your clothes," Nik commanded. I clumsily undressed, unable to take my eyes off of his
prodigious member. Nik reached over to his backpack (the one with the rainbow patches) and took out five jars of Astroglide lubricant. When I was finally
naked, Nik looked up.
"Oh, well look at that," Nik said, pointing to my tiny, erect penis. "How cute. It's almost as small as Jon Katz's."
"Now, Nik, don't make fun," I said, sternly.
"I'm just kidding, love. To be honest, I like the 'little boy' look. I see you've shaved your pubes. Nice."
"Oh, Nik, I never had pubes..."
"Even better. You bald testicles remind me of my youth, when I was gang-raped by my daddy and four uncles."
"You were molested too?" I asked, hopeful.
"Of course, mate. All us faggots were. Now turn around and kneel in front of the couch." I did, and Nik proceeded to slather my virgin rosebud with three
jars of Astroglide. As he did, he worked his fingers in and out of my asshole. My tiny penis was completely erect, almost touching my navel. Nik reached down
and stroked it with two fingers (all that was necessary) was he prepared my anus. I moaned and sighed, and called out Rob Malda's name several times in my
ecstacy. But Nik stopped before I could waste my seed, and stood back.
" Hemos, I think you've inspected my hard disk for long enough. Now I'm going to give your box more RAM."
"Oh, yes, Nik, RAM my box! R007 m3! 0wn me!"
"Hemos, it gets me so hot when you speak l337. Keep doing so." I let loose a string of l337 speak which would make even the most k-r4d w4R3z d00d blush,
and Nik's penis began the descent towards my throbbing asshole.
"Oh!" I screamed, as Nik's gigantor began to rend my asshole to proportions only G. Oatse had known before. "Oh, Nik, pump my virgin geek asshole! Use and
abuse me like Jon Katz did the Slashdot community! Pingflood my rectum like I'm running Red Hat 7! For the love of Barbara Streisand, Slashdot my
ass!!"
The pumping and thrusting started, and didn't stop for 78 hours. Nik took me on a wild, shit-caked tour of Heaven, Hell, and San Francisco. I was on the
edge of consciousness when he reached climax. He spewed gallons upon gallons of creamy sputum into my rectal cavity, filling my body up with his love. My
abdomen swelled up like a water balloon, and I could taste his cum in the back of my throat when the tide finally ceased. I fell to the floor, and Nik stood
up.
"Now you are mine, and a l337 FreeBSD user. I dub three Lord Hemos, proud and gay, and you shall sit at my right hand in Wales, where I rule the Court of
FreeBSD Committers with an iron fist and a steel cock. Stand up, Lord Hemos, and let me eat your dirty ass."
Nik helped me up, and I weakly stood, amazed, as Nik proceeded to eat my asshole clean. Nik was on his knees behind me, lowered to the same level as the
lowest California gigalo. Much like Jesus would wash the feet as his followers, Nik inducted his lovers into his secret cabal of Gay FreeBSD Love by dining
on their sore, runny assholes. He ingested his own jizzm, completing the Circle of Gay.
When my rump had healed, I left Michigan (and my wife) on a journey with Nik to the UK, a Gay Wonderland rumoured to be the birthplace of homosexuality. I
learned the gay alphabet, gay spelling ("It's 'coluououour', stupid American! Tee hee!"), and to use the gay currency (uro), and had a BSD Daemon tattooed
on my ass with the phrase "Property of Gay Nik".
This has all happened so fast! It's hard to believe that only six hours ago, I was Jeff Bates, closeted homosexual and Linux user. I'm so glad that Nik
and I got together, and I credit everything to FreeBSD, the l337est and Gayest UNIX-clone in the Universe! I invite you to check out your local FreeBSD user group and check us out!
These days, I'm very busy with FreeBSD and being Nik's trophy wife, but I've also created HEMOS, the Homoerotic Male Outreach service, an organization
dedicated to saving poor young men from the perils of heterosexuality and Linux-userhood. We've already saved Cowboy Neal (how could a guy with a name like
that not be queer?) and Emmett will be coming along soon. Please join us!
Love,
Lord Hemos the Gay
THE END.
Send comments to billgates@ILOVESPAM.evilemail.com. Thanks.
Next time try saying something like, "Hi, can I speak to your manager? This is Bill Gates. [waits two mintes] Hello, manager? How are you doing, sir? Well, just fine myself. Bill Gates? No, my name is Jeff Bates and I'm with the nationally acclaimed computer information site Slashdot**</mumble>, and I'd like some more information on the recent news that [blah blah blah...]". My guess is that instead your call went more along the lines of, "Hidely-ho! Me Hemos! Linux good! Give me information or I will sick the wifey on you!"
** Note: Slashdot is actually a sham, a haven for immature "Linux users" (Windows-using wannabes) who provide flamebait for each other and pageviews for Malda. But Hemos shouldn't tell that the MS or Sega.
Unions are a basic part of ANSI C. If dot-coms outlaw unions, are they going to review millions of lines of code, changing unions into structs, arrays, or macros?
:-)
Okay, seriously now...
I think I'm probably anti-union. I understand how important they are in a market where employers literally decide whether workers starve to death, but in the 21st Century tech sector, such a thing is uncessesary. I'm an individualist, and I would hate to be denied a job because don't want to be part of a union. This happens because unions make companies sign agreements not to hire non-union employees, and if the company breaks this agreement, the union members leave and the company is "blacklisted" in the same fashion that companies blacklisted union members a hundred years ago.
And this is largely a matter of perspective, but I also think that unions encourage laziness and a lack of personal development. That may be fine for some beer-swillin', gun-totin', wife-beatin' blue-collar white-trash steelworker (not to encourage stereotypes, heh heh) in rural Kentucky, but I'm a tea-drinkin', C++/Java-codin', pasty-white East-coast boy who puts his personal interests and the interests of his employer (after all, I am part of the company too!) ahead of the interests of some amorphous coagulation of power-hungery socialists whose only common thread is their current occupation. (Yes, unions and Socialism have a long, torrid history of pleasing each other orally. Just look at how much union supported Al "I went to China and all I got was this lousy failed political model" Gore.)
I mean, come on! In an era where any technology worker can turn a great idea into millions in stock options and become a bourgeois CEO overnight, why would anyone in this industry want to encourage such Mafiaesque organizations of groupthink drones who squeeze their employers' balls so they can do poor work and get paid [relatively] big bucks? (Heh, If you need proof of what this, look at the American automobile industry. Unions are the reason American cars have such a [rightfully] poor reputation)
I'm not discouraging all groups of workers. I am an admirer, for instance, of certain German labor groups who have strict requirements in terms of knowledge and training for their members. When you hire a member of one of these guilds, you are assured a certain level of expertise and quality of work. These workers feel a sense of duty to both their guild and their employer to do good work.
I am an adherant to what I understand is a typical Japanese business philosophy, where the workers feel they are representatives of their organizations, and work hard to bring the company, and therefore themselves, honor and fortune. In contrast, union members see themselves as their employers' enemies, and work for themselves and their power-hungry union leaders. Much like typical communist systems, the leaders end up becoming militant despots, and the workers, their unknowing robot slaves who think they're benfitting.
I enjoy my job. I know that I am a part of the same group as my boss, his boss, and the CEO. I know that by doing good work I bring acclaim to the entire company, and therefore, myself. I am not my own enemy.
Unions can suck my capitalist cock!
(This as really some wonderfully craffed flamebait, don't you think?)
Nah, not Rodimus Prime -- I sure do remember him! That was the one Transformer toy I always wanted but never seemed to get. Now that I'd be willing to pay some serious dough for. You know, fulfilling childhood dreams and all that.:-)
The toy I'm talking about was a big-rig like Optimus, but instead of a trailer with a l337 missile launcher/radar deal, it had an automobile carrier. Maybe it was just an alternate edition of Optimus, I don't know.
I remember there were several Transformer "sets" which you combine to make a bigger robot. (A Voltron knock-off, of course.) Those were great because once you had bought one, you felt obligated to buy the rest.
The original set was cool. I always wanted the Megatron that transformed into a life-sized gun. That would never have made it past the PR department these days.
I remember one i had that transformed into a boombox. He had "cassettes" which transformed into small animal robots. I can't remember his name, though.
I remember on Christmas I got a really, really awesome Transformer who turned into a white metal jet. Man, he was cool. An I remember how there was something wrong with him, so we had to return him, but they didn't have any more (being right after Christmas and all) so I got some truck dude who was Optimus Prime's cousin or something.
I remember the occasional toy that would be really "stiff"; the joints would be very difficult to move. They tended to stay in one form most of the time.
I remember making the obligatory "chi-choo-choo-choo-choo-chi" sound as I transformed these toys.
I remember seeing the Transformers movie with my mom.
I thought it was cool when, a couple years ago, my little brother started getting into "Beastwars", which, as you may not know, is a descendant of the original show/merchandising empire. Personally I don't think they're as cool as the originals, but hey, they're still Transformers.
I remember seeing the original TV show somewhere a few months ago and being astounded at how awful the animation and voices are. This happens whenever I see one of the cartoons of my early years, such as Thundercats and He-man. What was that cartoon with the metal cyborg people with wings? Silverhawks? Oh well, I forget. These days I watch a lot of Japanese animation (although I don't subscribe to CmdrTaco's "anime newbie cheerleading club" here on/.) and it's amazing to compare even kids cartoons from Nihon with the crap kids watch today. Your parents may have though the cartoons you watched were trash... well, most modern cartoons really are. The few imported anime shows don't help much... I'm always amazed at the awful English dubbing. American TV people seem to think that because a show is animated, it should have cheesy "kiddy" voices. Dubs always seem stupid and immature. That's why I actually hope the American TV industry halts its current "anime is hip and cool, kids like it, so do we" before they fuck up too many series. I've heard that Rurouni Kenshin is going to be shown, dubbed, on Cartoon Network... God help us all. Maybe I should kill myself now?
Anyway, I think this story is like most of Slashdot's stories over the past six months (mostly stupid and irrelevant), but thanks for the memories anyway. Transformers were a big part of my life too.
How is it "cowardly?" If you don't like a restaurant's service, you stop going. Why should I live in a country where I'm forced, at gunpoint, to give people money who will turn around and use it to fuck up my life?
I mean this whole fucking country. For every possible aspect of control we could possibly have over our own lives, there's a corporation, government agency, or corporately-controlled government agency plotting to take it away. It's time to leave. Maybe go to the UK? Nah, they're moving in the asme direction as the US; just look at the crypto policies. It looks like my only two options are Canada and Japan. I don't know Japanese... but it's probably easier to get used to than Canadian, "eh?" Bye bye, I'm heading over to Priceline.com, where I can name my own price to expatriate myself via one of a dozen international airlines.
Agreed; even the new IBM "preferred" keyboards are really nice. And pretty cheap, too... the white one is $30. (There's a black version for $50, but as we all know, black hardware performs up to 20% better, so it must be worth it.) Even though the new IBMs are all plastic, they retain a very "solid" feel, and the construction is excellent. There's none of the excessive "key wiggle" present in many modern boards. An IBM boards is really like a tool.
Sun made nice boards with IBM-style keys (an of course the superior key placement) up until a couple years ago. I believe that Type 5c was the last nice one. The Type 6 has really mushy "quiet"-type keys that provide even less tactile feedback than Dell "softkey" boards. Ew.
Tripod does this to prevent users from hosting their sites elsewhere and just using Tripod accounts for disk space. I assume it just checks the referring page and throws up a click-through if it isn't from a tripod.com URL. This is a necessary annoyance to prevent abuse from Geocities lusers and porn webmasters.
Slashdot Mirror
Um, what?
Wow, I think that was a little uncalled for.
Trolls, listen up. This forum allows you to post comments with images. I've started the trolling by posting the "Giver" and "Comp-u-geek" pics, but it's not enough. Get your asses over to rotten.com, download all those awful photos, and let's show those liberal nutballs something really offensive.
All generalizations are false.
All generalizations are false.
Also, the politics really are an issue... OpenBSD is completely controlled a by one person, a person with a long-standing reputation as being immature and not very personable. OpenBSD is a great OS, but I honestly can't say that it has a future. After every new release, I'm always amazed that Theo hasn't gotten mad at someone, fired all of the core developers, and run off in a huff.
OTOH, FreeBSD is controlled by several core development teams and committees. One developer couldn't destroy the project on a whim. I have confidence in its future stability.
(Also, this is bordering on flamebait, but I guarantee that OpenBSD wouldn't have its reputation for security if it had more users. OpenBSD can afford to be smug, because no one runs the fucking thing! On the flip side, while Red Hat really is crap, it's also the most-run Linux distro in this country, especially if you count th Mandrake users. Therefore, there's a much greater chance of its security being tested.)
All generalizations are false.
- OpenBSD is only secure "by default".
- FreeBSD can be made almost as secure -- with the right admin.
OpenBSD does provide a much better environment for creating secure systems, but its lack of SMP support and truly sad performance are obvious deterrents.All generalizations are false.
IBM "supports" Linux, but you have to look deeper. They do release code, but since there's $0.00 ROI, it's just charity. The only place that Linux has in business is as a low-cost (ie free) system for running cheap IA hardware. Just look at Cobalt... they pay $0 for the software that runs their Qube, and since they're not a software company, they don't have to give anything back.
As a programmer and software developer, I have absolutely no problem with closed-source. I want to continue working making software (and making pretty good money), and Open Source has no place in that plan. Free Software will always remain free as in beer, because no businessman will pay for what he can get for free. (Or for less. Once again, CheapBytes profits more than anyone from OSS.) The GNU Manifesto gets really fuzzy in this area, alluding to the "programmer" occupation changing into a more janitorial role, making a living by installing and maintaining the software they write for free. Bullshit. I hope I never have to be a professional developer in that world.
And Raymond's propaganda is really, um, interesting. It would be a lot more effective if he weren't a rapid, flute-playing gun nut who lives on his VA and Red Hat stock options.
It's exactly Free Software/OSS zealot's aversion to making money from software that makes me suspicious of their socialist tendencies. UNIX would not exist without capitalism. Linux, the communist alternative which stole its entire arhcitecture from UNIX, hasn't yet proven itself to be any better.
All generalizations are false.
Also, I used to be a BSD nut, so while I think it's cool to hear about its use at such large corporations, understand that 80% or more of it will be BSDi. In several areas FreeBSD technically out-performs BSDi's server products, but BSD has both a corporate reputation and a full-time, in-house support staff. Stories about BSD's success in the enterprise are not "news" and should not be considered good for Free Software.
Last year's BSDi/Walnut Creek merger affected FreeBSD immediately (as I'm sure other BSD users noticed between 4.1 and 4.2), but I'm not yet sure if BSDi's Internet Server OS has been affected.
One thing that many inexperienced Slashdotter's don't seem to know is that while BSD and GNU/Linux are great (even superior, in many cases) for small-medium Intel boxes, there is a point where you really do need the high-end hardware and industrial-strength UNIX that only IBM, Sun, HP, and others currently provide. And it's not just a matter of corporate bullshit... for instance, ask anyone who has ported "real" enterprise software from UNIX to GNU/Linux about the experience and I guarantee that the first they'll do is start bitching about GNU/Linux's lack of a real threading model and other deficiences.
I hope that IBM's support of Linux continues, because that is truly one company whose knowledge and experience can help Linux overcome these issues.
This is getting way offtopic, but I'm going to mention that I think a Linux kernel fork is inevitable within the next five years. One group, led by De Icazza and others, will concentrate on bringing Linux to the level of the Windows desktop. The other group, led by IBM, TurboLinux and other corporate interests will concentrate on bringing Linux to the level of UNIX as an enterprise OS running on non-trivial (ie non-IA) hardware.
And ten years from now, after the Linux communities have destroyed each other, BSD will still be running network hardware in machine rooms around the world. :-)
All generalizations are false.
All generalizations are false.
A Short Story by The_Messenger
===///===
"Nik, I'm not comfortable with your hand being on my ass."
"But come on, baby, you know you want it," Nik insisted. How had I, Jeff "Hemos" Bates, gotten myself into such a predicament? Sure, I'd always thought Nik was cute, and even though I never formally came out, Nik always seemed to know the wife was a front all along. And when "Gay" Nik, famous in the Open Source Community for his insatiable desire for rough gay sex, invited me to help him set up his new FreeBSD box, I had an idea something was up. Little did I know that "something" was Nik's ten inches of rock-hard manmeat, pulsing through his faded Levi's jeans like a wild jungle snake.
"Nik, you're hurting me!", I whelped.
"And that's just the way you like it, bitch," Nik snarled. "You know that famous cartoon of the daemon giving it to the penguin in the behind? Thats gonna be you and me, mate," Nate said with a flick of his golden blond highlighted locks. His English accent was so charming... it almost made such awful things sound nice. But no, I mustn't go down that road... "But first," Nik continued, "we must set up this FreeBSD box. FreeBSD is the only true homosexual operating system, and so you will learn it, because I tell you to. I won't have any dirty Linux user sucking my balls."
"Oh, Nik," I whispered, batting my eyelashes, "must you always be so forceful?" Nik slapped my ass and laughed.
"Calm down, you pansy. You don't know the meaning of forceful yet. Now grab that 4.2 CD." I leaned over and grabbed the CD set for FreeBSD 4.2. Nik got his media free from Walnut Creek, because the admins there were terrified of him. Rumour has it that one Walnut Creek operator who refused to send Nik the latest FreeBSD CD kit for free was found in the machine room the next morning duct-taped to a chair with an RJ45 crimper jammed into his bloody asshole. Ever since, Nik has been sent prerelease copies of every FreeBSD set.
All of my administration experience is with Red Hat, so I was a little scared to try a real operating system, but with Nik's expert guidance, I was well on my way to learning this queer OS. Nik showed me how to use the curses-based installation tool to partition my disks, select an installation profile, and set up XFree86. Within an hour, the system was installed, and rebooted back to a command prompt.
I was standing in front of the console when Nik came up behind me.
"How's it going, mate?" he asked.
"Oh, Nik," I said, startled, "you startled me. I'm just trying to mount this CD-ROM's filesystem. The commands are similar, but this Berkely csh takes a little getting used to."
"Let me help, love," he murmured. He stepped closer behind me, and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I moved my hands away from the keyboard to allow him access, and he mounted the drive with blinding speed. "There, all better. Anything else you need mounted, love?"
"Oh, Nik..." I said quietly, my breath rushing out. Nik stepped closer, and I could feel his hot tool pressing into the depression of my asscrack through his jeans. "Oh, Nik, yes, there is something you could mount." I couldn't take it any longer. This strapping Englishman's dominant sexuality had overcome my fears of public embarrassment, and there I vowed to myself that from that day forward I would be Nik's woman. I threw my arms behind me, grabbed his ass, and pulled him closer. "Show me your hard drive, you naughty little daemon."
"Much obliged," Nik said with a wink. "But I'm anything but little." Nik slowly pulled off his tight jeans and out sprang the biggest, thickest cock I had ever seen. Now I watch a lot of gay pornography, but never in the depths of my deepest homosexual desire had I craved a dick this magnificent. It was like a juicy flank steak, dripping with juices. The aroma of ballcheese wafted up toward me as his mammoth testicles swung like pendulums of eroticism. I lost control and feel to my knees instantly, slobbering greedily at the wonderous thing, struggling, in vain, to fit the monstrous cockhead into my mouth.
"Oh, Nik," I cried, "I want you, I need you, I must have you. Make me your woman."
"And so I will mate, but first I must prepare you. Take off your clothes," Nik commanded. I clumsily undressed, unable to take my eyes off of his prodigious member. Nik reached over to his backpack (the one with the rainbow patches) and took out five jars of Astroglide lubricant. When I was finally naked, Nik looked up.
"Oh, well look at that," Nik said, pointing to my tiny, erect penis. "How cute. It's almost as small as Jon Katz's."
"Now, Nik, don't make fun," I said, sternly.
"I'm just kidding, love. To be honest, I like the 'little boy' look. I see you've shaved your pubes. Nice."
"Oh, Nik, I never had pubes..."
"Even better. You bald testicles remind me of my youth, when I was gang-raped by my daddy and four uncles."
"You were molested too?" I asked, hopeful.
"Of course, mate. All us faggots were. Now turn around and kneel in front of the couch." I did, and Nik proceeded to slather my virgin rosebud with three jars of Astroglide. As he did, he worked his fingers in and out of my asshole. My tiny penis was completely erect, almost touching my navel. Nik reached down and stroked it with two fingers (all that was necessary) was he prepared my anus. I moaned and sighed, and called out Rob Malda's name several times in my ecstacy. But Nik stopped before I could waste my seed, and stood back.
" Hemos, I think you've inspected my hard disk for long enough. Now I'm going to give your box more RAM."
"Oh, yes, Nik, RAM my box! R007 m3! 0wn me!"
"Hemos, it gets me so hot when you speak l337. Keep doing so." I let loose a string of l337 speak which would make even the most k-r4d w4R3z d00d blush, and Nik's penis began the descent towards my throbbing asshole.
"Oh!" I screamed, as Nik's gigantor began to rend my asshole to proportions only G. Oatse had known before. "Oh, Nik, pump my virgin geek asshole! Use and abuse me like Jon Katz did the Slashdot community! Pingflood my rectum like I'm running Red Hat 7! For the love of Barbara Streisand, Slashdot my ass!!"
The pumping and thrusting started, and didn't stop for 78 hours. Nik took me on a wild, shit-caked tour of Heaven, Hell, and San Francisco. I was on the edge of consciousness when he reached climax. He spewed gallons upon gallons of creamy sputum into my rectal cavity, filling my body up with his love. My abdomen swelled up like a water balloon, and I could taste his cum in the back of my throat when the tide finally ceased. I fell to the floor, and Nik stood up.
"Now you are mine, and a l337 FreeBSD user. I dub three Lord Hemos, proud and gay, and you shall sit at my right hand in Wales, where I rule the Court of FreeBSD Committers with an iron fist and a steel cock. Stand up, Lord Hemos, and let me eat your dirty ass."
Nik helped me up, and I weakly stood, amazed, as Nik proceeded to eat my asshole clean. Nik was on his knees behind me, lowered to the same level as the lowest California gigalo. Much like Jesus would wash the feet as his followers, Nik inducted his lovers into his secret cabal of Gay FreeBSD Love by dining on their sore, runny assholes. He ingested his own jizzm, completing the Circle of Gay.
When my rump had healed, I left Michigan (and my wife) on a journey with Nik to the UK, a Gay Wonderland rumoured to be the birthplace of homosexuality. I learned the gay alphabet, gay spelling ("It's 'coluououour', stupid American! Tee hee!"), and to use the gay currency (uro), and had a BSD Daemon tattooed on my ass with the phrase "Property of Gay Nik".
This has all happened so fast! It's hard to believe that only six hours ago, I was Jeff Bates, closeted homosexual and Linux user. I'm so glad that Nik and I got together, and I credit everything to FreeBSD, the l337est and Gayest UNIX-clone in the Universe! I invite you to check out your local FreeBSD user group and check us out!
These days, I'm very busy with FreeBSD and being Nik's trophy wife, but I've also created HEMOS, the Homoerotic Male Outreach service, an organization dedicated to saving poor young men from the perils of heterosexuality and Linux-userhood. We've already saved Cowboy Neal (how could a guy with a name like that not be queer?) and Emmett will be coming along soon. Please join us!
Love,
Lord Hemos the Gay
THE END.
Send comments to billgates@ILOVESPAM.evilemail.com. Thanks.
All generalizations are false.
** Note: Slashdot is actually a sham, a haven for immature "Linux users" (Windows-using wannabes) who provide flamebait for each other and pageviews for Malda. But Hemos shouldn't tell that the MS or Sega.
Damn, this is some good crack!
All generalizations are false.
:-)
Okay, seriously now...
I think I'm probably anti-union. I understand how important they are in a market where employers literally decide whether workers starve to death, but in the 21st Century tech sector, such a thing is uncessesary. I'm an individualist, and I would hate to be denied a job because don't want to be part of a union. This happens because unions make companies sign agreements not to hire non-union employees, and if the company breaks this agreement, the union members leave and the company is "blacklisted" in the same fashion that companies blacklisted union members a hundred years ago.
And this is largely a matter of perspective, but I also think that unions encourage laziness and a lack of personal development. That may be fine for some beer-swillin', gun-totin', wife-beatin' blue-collar white-trash steelworker (not to encourage stereotypes, heh heh) in rural Kentucky, but I'm a tea-drinkin', C++/Java-codin', pasty-white East-coast boy who puts his personal interests and the interests of his employer (after all, I am part of the company too!) ahead of the interests of some amorphous coagulation of power-hungery socialists whose only common thread is their current occupation. (Yes, unions and Socialism have a long, torrid history of pleasing each other orally. Just look at how much union supported Al "I went to China and all I got was this lousy failed political model" Gore.)
I mean, come on! In an era where any technology worker can turn a great idea into millions in stock options and become a bourgeois CEO overnight, why would anyone in this industry want to encourage such Mafiaesque organizations of groupthink drones who squeeze their employers' balls so they can do poor work and get paid [relatively] big bucks? (Heh, If you need proof of what this, look at the American automobile industry. Unions are the reason American cars have such a [rightfully] poor reputation)
I'm not discouraging all groups of workers. I am an admirer, for instance, of certain German labor groups who have strict requirements in terms of knowledge and training for their members. When you hire a member of one of these guilds, you are assured a certain level of expertise and quality of work. These workers feel a sense of duty to both their guild and their employer to do good work.
I am an adherant to what I understand is a typical Japanese business philosophy, where the workers feel they are representatives of their organizations, and work hard to bring the company, and therefore themselves, honor and fortune. In contrast, union members see themselves as their employers' enemies, and work for themselves and their power-hungry union leaders. Much like typical communist systems, the leaders end up becoming militant despots, and the workers, their unknowing robot slaves who think they're benfitting.
I enjoy my job. I know that I am a part of the same group as my boss, his boss, and the CEO. I know that by doing good work I bring acclaim to the entire company, and therefore, myself. I am not my own enemy.
Unions can suck my capitalist cock!
(This as really some wonderfully craffed flamebait, don't you think?)
All generalizations are false.
The toy I'm talking about was a big-rig like Optimus, but instead of a trailer with a l337 missile launcher/radar deal, it had an automobile carrier. Maybe it was just an alternate edition of Optimus, I don't know.
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The original set was cool. I always wanted the Megatron that transformed into a life-sized gun. That would never have made it past the PR department these days.
I remember one i had that transformed into a boombox. He had "cassettes" which transformed into small animal robots. I can't remember his name, though.
I remember on Christmas I got a really, really awesome Transformer who turned into a white metal jet. Man, he was cool. An I remember how there was something wrong with him, so we had to return him, but they didn't have any more (being right after Christmas and all) so I got some truck dude who was Optimus Prime's cousin or something.
I remember the occasional toy that would be really "stiff"; the joints would be very difficult to move. They tended to stay in one form most of the time.
I remember making the obligatory "chi-choo-choo-choo-choo-chi" sound as I transformed these toys.
I remember seeing the Transformers movie with my mom.
I thought it was cool when, a couple years ago, my little brother started getting into "Beastwars", which, as you may not know, is a descendant of the original show/merchandising empire. Personally I don't think they're as cool as the originals, but hey, they're still Transformers.
I remember seeing the original TV show somewhere a few months ago and being astounded at how awful the animation and voices are. This happens whenever I see one of the cartoons of my early years, such as Thundercats and He-man. What was that cartoon with the metal cyborg people with wings? Silverhawks? Oh well, I forget. These days I watch a lot of Japanese animation (although I don't subscribe to CmdrTaco's "anime newbie cheerleading club" here on /.) and it's amazing to compare even kids cartoons from Nihon with the crap kids watch today. Your parents may have though the cartoons you watched were trash... well, most modern cartoons really are. The few imported anime shows don't help much... I'm always amazed at the awful English dubbing. American TV people seem to think that because a show is animated, it should have cheesy "kiddy" voices. Dubs always seem stupid and immature. That's why I actually hope the American TV industry halts its current "anime is hip and cool, kids like it, so do we" before they fuck up too many series. I've heard that Rurouni Kenshin is going to be shown, dubbed, on Cartoon Network... God help us all. Maybe I should kill myself now?
Anyway, I think this story is like most of Slashdot's stories over the past six months (mostly stupid and irrelevant), but thanks for the memories anyway. Transformers were a big part of my life too.
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Sun made nice boards with IBM-style keys (an of course the superior key placement) up until a couple years ago. I believe that Type 5c was the last nice one. The Type 6 has really mushy "quiet"-type keys that provide even less tactile feedback than Dell "softkey" boards. Ew.
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Subject: free o'reilly books
Fix port 25, Uncle Fuckers!
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$ ^D
All generalizations are false.